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> Angel In The Night, Please critique for submission.
ArvisDremor
post Aug 17 2005, 10:47 AM
Post #1


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Joined: 17-August 05



Angel in the Night

It’s with a great fascination that I put quill to parchment by the flickering light of a torch and moonlight tonight. I have truly experienced something almost too wonderful to bear this night. Oh moonlight and torch, fail me not, for there is much to record before I forget any of it.

I got up as the sun took in for the night, leaving only my good friend, the night sky, to keep me company. It started much like any other night. My first thought was to read through my spellbook. One has to keep the arcane fresh on their mind if they plan to make good use of it. Pulling my bangs from my eyes and glancing out the window from my perch, I saw her.

Her dress flowed like smoke in the wind, light and delicate. I sat transfixed unable to see beyond her angelic stride. As she rounded a corner into an ally I jumped back to my senses. There was no question, I had to follow her.

I quickly get dressed and outfitted for the task ahead, putting my silk wrapped dagger in my belt.

“One never knows when they will need a good blade.” I said.

Quickly gathering up a roll of rope and a grappling hook, I opened the window and leapt out. Landing hard on the cobblestone road there was a crunch in my ankle. It burned like fire, but I had overcome it many times before. It’s troubled me since childhood. Shrugging off the pain and pulling my hood over my head while looking from side to side, I took off. Truly I was impassioned, a man with a cause.

Running to the exit of the alley by the side of my residence, I looked about for any who may catch sight of me, my blue eyes sparkling in the moonlight. It appeared clear. Quickly darting across the street, taking care with every step, so as not to make to much noise, I entered the ally I had seen her disappear into. Far up ahead I could see her, lit so beautifully by a lantern, as she slid a key into the door before her. Her grace was astounding to me.

Staring quietly from the shadows I watched her. Her long brown hair, flowing down past her shoulders, as she left my sight into the residence. I had to see more. Perhaps I could write a note to her, professing my passion for her beauty. Reaching over my shoulder, grabbing for a backpack that was still on the table at my home, I realized I had not a single way to leave her a note.

I grabbed the rope instead and fastened it securely to the grapping hook. Letting the silken rope slide through my gloved hand, I measured it out by feel.

“Yes, that’s a good solid length, now to make the toss.” I whispered.

Biting my lower lip and fixing my stare on the chimney of her abode, I began to swing the rope. The swooshing noise it made gave me chills. There’s nothing like the feeling you get from it. Except maybe the feeling from a well placed throw. Releasing my grip the rope and hook flew through the air towards my target.

“HIT, HAHA!” I said a bit too loud, but the excitement had overtaken me at this point.

I wrapped the rope around my hand and began pulling myself up to the second floor window. I was as quiet as I had ever been; although I have no idea how .The rush of the hunt was coursing through my veins; giving me great strength.

As I pulled near the window and looked in I could see no one. I waived my hand about, as I had practiced so many times before, and my pupils expanded, taking the shape of a cat’s. It all came rushing into view as the magic ran it course. This was a bedroom, but no one was currently occupying it. Reaching out I grabbed the base of the window and very gently pushed it up. This part always makes me nervous. You never know what might happen. Suddenly it hit! Could she be sitting under the window, as I so often do late at night? I was caught; this much I was sure of. The sweat was building up on my brow. I looked down horrified, only to be relived. There was no one there.

I pulled myself in an unhooked my rope, can’t have anyone seeing it. They might get suspicious! Heaven forbid that. I grinned, proud of my latest accomplishment. Now I had only to scout the home.

Looking about the room I took mental note of everything in it. There was a wonderfully expensive four post bed, a dresser, two night stands, and a hope chest. I grinned at the site of the hope chest.

“All her dreams are stored there.” I bet myself.

Quickly and quietly I moved towards it, taking a pick from my pocket. I slid the pick in the lock and worked it, trying to throw the mechanism. Soon enough I heard a triumphant click. Slowly, I raised the lid and peered in. There was a wedding dress, and another small cherry wood box stashed neatly within. The cherry wood box was what I wanted. Quickly and quietly I grabbed it and pulled a good sized piece of cloth from one of my pockets. Carefully; neatly I wrapped the box and tied one end of the cloth to my belt.

“This is going to be a good heist!” I thought.

Suddenly I heard a creaking coming from the door behind me. I jumped up and slinked over to the corner of the room, hiding as best as could be expected behind the dresser. I kneeled down and watched as the door came open. There was a great sense of relief that flowed through me as I affirmed that she had not brought a lantern or even a candle with her. I would be safe as long as she couldn't see as well as me in the dark.

She glided through the door, turned and locked it behind her. I smiled and thought to myself, “It’s not what’s behind the door you need worry of, it what’s behind you.”

She turned and walked toward the bed, coming painfully close to me. I was more nervous then than I have ever been. Before me stood an angel and I had to make sure this angel did not take note of me.

Then, my horrors were realized as she flicked her hand to the side and a candle lit on the night stand. How could I have been so stupid? I jumped up, pulling my dagger and letting the silk it had been so carefully wrapped in fall to the ground. She turned towards the dresser that at one time had hid me, and I pounced, grabbing her by her beautiful hair and I sliding my knife across her throat. She let out a scream that filled the night air as I did so. Would I be able to make my escape I pondered as she hit the floor? She was so beaut-


“Hey! You murdering scumbag! How did you get that paper in your cell?” shouted a portly and hellfire mad guard as he started opening the door.

“This beating is going to be one to remember.” I thought.
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Wurlon
post Aug 28 2005, 10:04 PM
Post #2


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Joined: 25-August 05
From: Pennsylvania, United States



Oh my god great story, I hope all the stories are not that good, or mine won't get it ! goodjob.gif


And I'm starting to critique these stories as mine has been up for awhile and has a few views but no posts either. On to the next! wacko.gif


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Sic Semper Tyrannis
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