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Aftermath, When one crises ends, another shall rise |
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King Of Beasts |
Dec 1 2012, 07:14 AM
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Ancient
Joined: 15-November 12
From: Imperial City,Cyrodiil
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QUOTE(mALX @ Nov 30 2012, 10:10 PM) WOO HOO! I love this! Westley was truly impressed by Martin's heroism, but in the repeated retellings was even finding his own self bored with it - that means he's probably going to bust free and do something to shake up his existance, can't wait to see what he finds to do! Awesome beginning KOB! Love it!
Thanks! I enjoy writing a lot and I'm glad you like the first chapter. This post has been edited by King Of Beasts: Dec 1 2012, 07:17 AM
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Bruh ☠️
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Acadian |
Dec 8 2012, 01:12 AM
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Paladin
Joined: 14-March 10
From: Las Vegas
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Betrayed by Rex and rescued from a desperate fight by a pair of mysterious Bretonic vampires. How ironic to be both betrayed by and rescued by vampires! I loved the welcome touch of humor as the voracious rabbit charged out of the forest! Let me offer some thoughts that I hope you will find constructive and helpful Your paragraphs are rather large. In the forums format, this can present a bit of a wall of text. Most of us here try to break our prose into smaller paragraphs so they are easier to read. Also, I highly recommend you google Dialogue Punctuation and study up on a few of the sites that cover this rather arcane aspect of fiction writing. For now, suffice it to say that a golden rule in fiction is that every time you change speakers, start a new paragraph. Happily, this can also result in much shorter paragraphs. Regarding lengthening your episodes, actually this current one is probably about perfect, as it is just under 1500 words. I shoot for 800 1800 words; much longer and you begin to lose some of your impact. The reason your episodes appear kind of short is simply that, as I mentioned, your paragraphs are too long.
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Elisabeth Hollow |
Dec 8 2012, 09:01 PM
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Ancient
Joined: 15-November 12
From: Texas
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QUOTE(Acadian @ Dec 7 2012, 06:12 PM) Betrayed by Rex and rescued from a desperate fight by a pair of mysterious Bretonic vampires. How ironic to be both betrayed by and rescued by vampires! I loved the welcome touch of humor as the voracious rabbit charged out of the forest! Let me offer some thoughts that I hope you will find constructive and helpful Your paragraphs are rather large. In the forums format, this can present a bit of a wall of text. Most of us here try to break our prose into smaller paragraphs so they are easier to read. Also, I highly recommend you google Dialogue Punctuation and study up on a few of the sites that cover this rather arcane aspect of fiction writing. For now, suffice it to say that a golden rule in fiction is that every time you change speakers, start a new paragraph. Happily, this can also result in much shorter paragraphs. Regarding lengthening your episodes, actually this current one is probably about perfect, as it is just under 1500 words. I shoot for 800 1800 words; much longer and you begin to lose some of your impact. The reason your episodes appear kind of short is simply that, as I mentioned, your paragraphs are too long. You beat me to it. I get distracted by the wall of text and can't read it. Maybe I'm a snob for that but it makes me itchy. What I COULD read of it seemed interesting, however. :]
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King Of Beasts |
Dec 9 2012, 04:57 PM
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Ancient
Joined: 15-November 12
From: Imperial City,Cyrodiil
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Acadian: I really want to thank you for the constructive criticism. It helped a lot Elisabeth Hollow: Thank you for checking my story out! I'm also glad for your criticism too. It was quite useful mALX: I'm glad you enjoy the story so far and thanks for the tip!
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Bruh ☠️
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