A New Sun Rises - Maxical's Adventures, The Truth Behind The Oblivion Crisis Options

[minque]

Anyone who has ever heard a cat sing…well no explanation would be necessary.

Hilarious, my cat sings and ...well, no comments really

What can I possibly say that has not been said already? I just adore this Kitty-cat, she's funny and smart and you describe her so well.

I see this as one of my "feel-good-stories"

Thank you so much for posting it here!

[treydog]

I am caught up again at last. I wanted to take the time to savor this reading and enjoy every "Maxical moment" of it.

Your editing has taken an already brilliant story to new heights. And you have preserved all the best parts- the humor, the sadness, the crossed wires of communication....

The Arena fight was one of the best I have seen. And the "letters home" section had me fighting to keep from bursting out laughing.

[mALX]

@ Minque - Thank You so much! Maxical really has my heart, I have played her on the 360 since 2006 and since 2009 on the PC. She is so much fun to RP when gaming that I started doing her story last fall. You are so appreciated!

***

@ Treydog - Thank you so very much Treydog! It really means a lot to hear that the edits came out as I hoped they would. I was scared of editing out a part that meant something to a reader - like Destri over the attack when she lost the golden armor.

You ROCK Treydog!! And I know how busy you have been, so really appreciate it when you take the time to read my stuff, lol !!

[mALX]

*

The Arena

Chapter 17: Repercussions Of The Interview





Haki the Bold poured himself a steaming cup of coffee and sat down at his breakfast table. After selecting an orange and a sweet roll he raised the piping hot coffee to his lips while perusing the latest copy of the Black Horse Courier.

SPEW was followed by a deafening CRASH, then a stream of curses shouted loud enough that a passing guard ran in from the street.









******* Maxical


I had just finished using the bathroom by the main entrance and was about to start heading back to my mat where I was being confined till Owyn got over the urge to kill me for the things I said in that interview.

CRASH! The door of the Bloodworks slammed against the wall and stomping footsteps followed. If I hadn't just used the urn I may have lost control of my bladder at the sight of the huge angry Nord. His face and even his shiny pate glowed bright red, and if eyes could emit steam - his were. It was Blademaster Haki of the Yellow team, and he was livid about something.

"It's Haki the Bald! Someone get Owyn, it's Haki the Bald!" I yelled, scurrying back to my mat behind Andronicus.

This made him even angrier, if that was possible. He charged after me roaring.

Agronak stopped practicing and came right behind him, sword still in hand.

Owyn stepped towards Haki and shouted "Hey!"

"That fur-licking tramp called me bald!"

Agronak stepped up to him. "Take that back!"

Andronicus pushed Agronak back and Owyn gave him the Arena signal to step off. Agronak did, but didn't go far. He stood just feet away glowering at Haki and breathing loudly through his mouth like a minotaur.

"I'll handle this." Owyn growled in Agronak's direction, then turned to Haki. "You don't come in here threatening my fighters. So what if she called you bald? If you're trying to keep it secret you should wear a hat."

"She was making fun of my name!"

"You got a problem with anything my fighters do, you bring it to me. She was just calling it like she saw it. Have you lost your mind coming in here threatening like this?"

A verbal battle of major proportions ensued. They didn't physically fight each other, but it looked like they may any second. Their faces were both beet red and sweat began dripping off their brows and down their necks. They got their mouths fractions of an inch away from the other's face shouting at the top of their lungs. Spit flew and they were shaking as if holding themselves back from fighting was straining them. Their chests bumped repeatedly against each other. It was much more frightening than if they had just drawn weapons and dueled it out.

Then it got down to me saying Haki had been "housecleaning" in the interview. Owyn may have raked me over the coals for saying that to the press, but when Haki demanded an answer Owyn got right up in his face almost spitting in his eye.

"Hell yeah I told her to say that to the press! You were housecleaning, those men came straight out of prison and you know it!"

"So what? I broke no rules. You got a problem with it?"

"Yeah I got a problem, you're in my Bloodworks. Unless you're here to learn how to train a real fighter then I suggest you leave before Pork Chop smells you. He'll do some housecleaning of his own if he gets wind of you in here."


All the fighters had stopped practicing and were hovering in the vicinity of the doorway to the backroom so they could watch the fight. I had started to go over and apologize to Haki, but Andronicus stuck her arm across to stop me then pointed me back to my mat.

I was pretty sure Owyn would kill me after Haki stormed out, but to my surprise Owyn was strutting around like a banty rooster that had just routed a fox from the henhouse.

Andronicus gave me a very blunt and coarse description of exactly how what I said to the press could be misconstrued and went on to point out that all of Cyrodiil was going to be reading that over their breakfast table. I had a very red face when I apologized to Owyn.

Owyn pounded me on the back. "It's a good thing you are on medical leave for those injuries. Some will think you are trash over this like Haki did, not all though. I'm hoping most will think you were being deliberately funny like you do with your tail in the matches. That is what we want them to think. Either way this will all blown over by the time you get back fighting. Something else will happen and everyone will be talking about that and forget about this interview. It always works that way, no one stays front page news long. I don't want you to open your mouth to the press again though. I don't care what the circumstance is, you do not speak to the press again till I give you permission, is that understood?"

He laughed at me for calling the Yellow team Blademaster 'Haki the Bald' to his face. It turns out that is something they tell new Pit Dogs to see how stupid they are. I guess I should have won a prize for stupidity, having made it to Warrior rank without learning his correct name.

I remembered recently seeing his name printed in the paper and pointing it out to several other fighters that they had spelled Haki's name wrong. How they must have laughed at me behind my back. Humiliation isn't adequate to describe what it feels like to know you have been the subject of private jokes without your knowledge.


That edition of the Courier sold out and had to go into another printing. I took a lot of ribbing over it. Several men asked if I needed help thinking up a move and offering their longsword as a skewer.

Agronak tried to put a stop to it by glaring at everyone and telling them that their 'daggers' would be hanging off his sword if they didn't shut up. He was perpetuating the problem by doing that, but there wasn't any nice way to get that across to him.

Owyn and Andronicus stayed out of it till the Champion from the Yellow team started in on me. She had been practicing in our Bloodworks regularly since well before I came to the Arena. Owyn always said he thought Haki sent her over to spy.

She had always been overly rude to me right from the start. All the Pit Dogs are picked on by the experienced fighters, that is just an initiation we have to go through. It usually tapers off as we gain in rank, but she had never let up on it with me. Owyn and Andronicus don't step in on stuff like that, we are supposed to learn to handle it on our own. That was why it was such a surprise to me when Owyn jumped all over her this time.

She wasn't five foot from Owyn when she said I needed to go to the Yellow team Bloodworks and do some housecleaning. Owyn got right up in her face and shouted at her to get back to her own Bloodworks, that she was no longer welcome here. She stormed out.









******* Varnado


Varnado looked up irritated when the loud Nord slammed into The Feed Bag. Her voice carried above the crowds long before she plopped herself down at the table behind him with a group he recognized as fighters from the Arena. He was considering moving to another table when something she said in that brassy voice caught his attention.

"That white fur-ball knew exactly what she was saying in that interview. How can you still think she is innocent after reading those things she said? I'm telling you she has Owyn eating out of the palm of her hand and that blue Orc tries to fight anyone that looks at her! He would have stabbed Haki this morning if Owyn hadn't stopped him. Owyn and Haki got into a huge fight too, they almost killed each other over her. She is trash, just pure trash. She's sleeping with them all, they wouldn't be fighting over her like this if she wasn't. Owyn threw me out today over her."

"If she was sleeping with Owyn, Andronicus would have killed her by now. You're off there."

"You idiot, they don't do it in front of her. Use your head."

"Nothing happens in the Bloodworks that don't get around, if she was sleeping with Owyn we would have heard about it."

"You're hearing about it right now, you numskull!"

"She isn't sleeping with everyone down there, that Blue team Gladiator has been trying to tap her since she started the Arena. He said he'd lay his winnings that she's never been touched. Said she had never even seen a man's sword when she first came to the Bloodworks."

"Key words there, when she first came. Do you really think she could have lived there this long and stayed pure? Get real."




***

Varnado watched the Nord and her teammates as they filed out of the restaurant. There was some confusion at the doorway as a group of guards were entering at the same time, shortly followed by all three Verus brothers that ran the 'Three Brothers Trade Goods'. Varnado hailed them over to his table.

"Sit with me, I've got to tell you what I just heard."

Cicero, Sergius, and Tertullian Verus all pulled up chairs and Varnado signaled the proprietor Delos Fandas over.

"Give me another stout Delos." Varnado said, waiting till Delos took the others orders before beginning.

"Did you see the interview with the white Khajiit in the Courier today? Let me tell you what I just overheard about her. She is the same one that got Fathis Aren steaming mad over that Golden Armor we've got hanging on display."

"I read it; that Fathis Aren is one cold character. Looks down on the working class, I doubt he would have anything to do with a fighter in the Arena." Sergius said, imitating Fathis by looking down his nose at Varnado.

"Delos, bring us a copy of the Courier if you've got one."

Delos handed him the paper as he lay the frothy stein of ale down.

"Read that." Varnado pushed the paper in front of Cicero. Tertullian leaned over and read it too. Loud guffaws followed, and they began elbowing each other and making jokes.

Sergius reached over and took the paper from them, scanning it quickly. "This is that white Khajiit we saw fighting? The one with the tail?" Sergius asked, still scanning the article with the interview.

"All Khajiit have tails." Tertullian said with a snort.

Sergius lowered the paper and gave him a look. "You know what I mean, the one that made us laugh by doing tail tricks. Remember? She is the one that cut that guys head off, and when it rolled her face turned green."

"That was my favorite part of the fight." Cicero said, becoming animated. "That and when she gored that guys crotch and twisted the dagger. I hurt just watching that, but couldn't take my eyes away. I hope she makes that one her signature."

"I worry about you sometimes Cicero." Sergius said shaking his head.

"Well you should hear what has been going on down in the Bloodworks with that same white Khajiit." Varnado brought the conversation back under his control before they got off on fight techniques. He hesitated till all eyes were on him.

"Here, let me pick up your tab for that ale." Tertullian said, pulling the tab over in front of him.


When he reached the part about Haki fighting over her two of the guards stepped up to the table.

"I can verify that. I heard shouting coming from Haki's house this morning and ran in. He was in a burning rage and holding the copy of the Courier in his hands." One guard said.

"I had to write a report on him crashing into the Blue team Bloodworks this morning. He busted their door latch." The other guard said. "Here, let me buy you another stout, what else did you hear?"

Urbul gro-Orkulg from the Slash 'N Smash came in and hailed Varnado. When he found out what the conversation was about he joined in, grabbing Varnado's tab for dinner and ordering him another ale.

"I know the Gray Prince is hitting that fur."

"How do you know?" Several asked in unison.

"He's an Orc." Urbul said with a grin.

"Let's move to a bigger table." Varnado said, tucking his Septim pouch in his pocket.






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This post has been edited by mALX: Jul 29 2016, 09:14 AM

[Olen]

The begingings of the rumour are nicely done, you show it spreading and developing well. It enhances the story's slightly darker edge too which is what makes this so good, it has lots of humour but enough grit to it as well. And they're well balanced with neither damageing the other.

I can see her not getting on so well with the press once they get wind of it...

“Let’s move to a bigger table.” Varnado said, tucking his Septim pouch in his pocket.

The man's a master

[haute ecole rider]

So it'll all blow over by the time Maxical returns to the Arena? Owyn, are you certain? Really certain?

[minque]

“That fur-licking tramp called me bald!”

hehe...priceless!!

Another one:

This is that white Khajiit we saw fighting? The one with the tail?” Sergius asked, still scanning the article with the interview.

“All Khajiit have tails.” Tertullian said with a snort.

Oh how humorous...I just love it!

Maxical....YOU ROCK!

[Destri Melarg]

“I know the Gray Prince is hitting that fur.”

There is an image that will haunt me for the rest of my life!

Between Maxical and Shivani it’s a wonder that Cyrodiil still stands.

Beyond brilliant!

[Acadian]

Oh my, that was entertaining indeed! Fun and games in the Bloodworks. You do a nice job of 'showing' who Maxical's friends are (especially Owyn and Agronak) as well as her enemies by their actions. Well done.

[mALX]

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Chapter 11a: Bringing Fathis Up To Date




** This section on Fathis is a backflash of what was going on with him from around the time Maxical ran away from home and leading up to the current events. It was out of order since the edit; moving here to get time framing right. Sorry everyone This really needs a rewrite. I haven't figured out what I'm going to do with it yet, may delete it.







Fathis had not been sleeping well since Ma'Thjizzrini Qa joined the Arena. Not hearing from her anymore after years of correspondence caused Fathis to wonder if she took that argument over the armor, the way he stormed out...could it be she thought they were over?

He trudged down to the Castle dining room for breakfast after another night of tossing and turning. He loaded his plate up with several meats and sat down to a hearty breakfast and a bit of news. Putting a large forkful of steak into his mouth he picked up the Black Horse Courier and began to read. GAAAAAK! Fathis heaved out of his chair, knocking it over with a crash. He was clawing at his throat and gasping.

Gellius Terentius leaped up and whacked Fathis on the back hard, causing the piece of meat to fly out of his mouth and bounce off Count Regulus Terentius.

"Good gods man! Watch what you are about!" The Count carefully blotted the meat juice off him with his linen napkin.

Fathis face continued to turn purple, but it was from anger at what he had read in the Courier.

"I'm at my breakfast man! If you are passing this life I request you do it somewhere other than my breakfast table! Gellius, have the staff come get Fathis. And send a healer to him. He appears to be succumbing to a heart ailment." The Count said disgustedly, turning back to his breakfast and picking up the now crumpled edition of the Courier.

Fathis waved Gellius back down and stormed out. He strode immediately out to the stables and demanded they saddle up his horse. Steam appeared to be rising off his head.

He rode at breakneck speed to the Imperial City and stomped the whole way to the Arena. The board out front showed Ma'Thjizzrini Qa was off the schedule for her injuries. She must have gone home then.

Fathis hurried to the Faregyl only to find she wasn't there either. His temper rose each time he thought about Ma'Thjizzrini Qa being 'skewered on a man's sword' and these delays in confronting her were not helping. He galloped back to the Imperial City, his mind a turmoil the whole way.

Why did she not go home? Surely she wouldn't lay around in that filthy Bloodworks when she didn't have to! Had one of the young bucks from the Arena set her up somewhere in some hovel? Well he would find her if he had to go house to house through the Imperial City!





***

Fathis decided to begin his search by crashing into the shacks on the waterfront first. As he started across the bridge he saw the waterfront was crawling with Legion guards. Swinging around he hurried back up to the gate.

"What's going on down there?" He asked the guard.

"They're going house to house searching for the Gray Fox." He eyed Fathis up and down. "You don't need to be going down there dressed up like that, not unless you plan to be knocked over the head and robbed."

"Good gods, is it that bad down there? I was looking for that white Khajiit, the one that fights in the Arena. Have you seen her go down there? I am to escort her home."

"I've seen her down there every now and then with the Gray Prince. He has a house down there. She's not down there now though."

The rage that filled Fathis was so great that the guard's eyes widened and he took a step back from him.

"Here now, I'll have no trouble on my watch!" He called as Fathis stormed away.

By the time Fathis left the Imperial City the next day he had heard about Haki and Owyn as well.







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This post has been edited by mALX: Aug 2 2016, 05:39 AM

[mALX]

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Chapter 11: Bad Things Come In Threes



Owyn was right, eventually bigger news hit the paper and everyone quit talking about that interview. The first was that Claudius Arcadia's daughter was brutally murdered in the act of a rape right there in the Imperial City. She was a little younger than me. It was horrible to think of what she had to endure the last minutes of her life, and frightening to know someone was out harming girls like that.

Then Agronak's mother died. He came into our Bloodworks broken and made the announcement to the room. He looked over at me as he spoke, his expression helpless and clearly he was needing his friend instead of the roomful.

"This morning at a little after three my mother lost her fight with..." Agronak began, but was unable to finish.

We all gathered around him to give him words of comfort. She had been very ill for a long time, long before I met him. I had gone with him to visit her several times and knew her time was near. Even though this was the expected conclusion it was none the less devastating to Agronak.

Andronicus gave up her chair and we all helped Agronak to it. Owyn made him take a small sip of brandy, even though Agronak does not drink alcohol.

"Is there anything I can do to help you?" I asked him quietly. I really didn't know what to do.

"Yes, I really need your help if you can Maxical. I need to make arrangements for her funeral and the disbursement of her personal items. I guess I'll need to make a statement to the press. I really need your help to get through this, I don't even know where to begin." He was shattered.

I didn't know either. I looked over at Andronicus and she nodded. She knew what to do. Surprisingly, or maybe not, Andronicus was used to handling these things. Agronak gave her carte blanche with his bank account and she was a model of efficiency ordering the funeral arrangements and gathering the press. She wrote out a list of tasks that I could do for her to get everything done quickly. She spoke to the press on behalf of Agronak and fielded the questions the press threw at him afterward. He had to do very little speaking.

The funeral was arranged in record time and the Courier was given the details so they could print them on the Special Edition with the announcement of her passing. They were given a pass to sit up front with the fighters and family as quite a crowd was expected. Andronicus knows how to milk PR from any situation for her fighters.


Ocato himself could not have a bigger funeral than Andronicus set up for Agronak's mother. It rained, but that did not keep what seemed like all Tamriel from attending. People were squeezed together tightly all across the lawns and the streets were clogged. People hung out of the windows of nearby buildings and climbed up in the trees to see. Crowds spilled out into the other districts so the guards tied the city gates open for them. The Gray Prince was obviously the draw, for while she lay sick none of these had bothered to make her acquaintance.

Owyn looked surprisingly handsome in a very ornate armor I had never seen before. Haki the Bold was dressed to the nines and with a very somber expression. He and Owyn acted like a harsh word had never been spoken between them, clasping each other in grief. That is for the PR image, we strive to look like a close knit family.

Andronicus was wearing a new dress and she had me fix her hair and do her makeup for her. The fighters from both Bloodworks came in spotlessly clean battle raiment, all the metalwork polished to a high sheen and brand new skirting.

Hassiri, Urjabhi and Ra'jiradh from the Black Horse Courier all came dressed in suits and sat up front with the fighters. High Chancellor Ocato had been sent a special invitation to stand with the fighters, he is an Arena buff, surprisingly. He showed up in a fancy red uniform on a gorgeous black horse and gave a speech. I didn't see him because Andronicus had me fetch her some water from one of the houses. I caught her later dabbing it under her eyes to imitate tears. She is a master of staging for any event.

Agronak was resplendent in his Grand Champion raiment, but was very emotionally wrought by it all. He clung to my hand through the entire proceeding and wept openly. It was heartbreaking.




***

Agronak was very depressed, but driven. "I need to go through my mother's personal items and find her important papers. I will be selling a lot of her things, but ... I can't face digging through her things by myself. Would you mind helping me with this?" He knew I would, the asking was just a formality.

Agronak had bought his mother a tiny house on the waterfront so she would be close to him. It was just a short walk from the Arena. He started off picking up a few items and putting them in the crate, but after a while I noticed he was sitting on the bed with a faraway and lost look on his face.

"Do you want to wait and do this another time?" I asked, gently touching his hand.

"No, It's not that. She was my last tie. I don't even know who my father was, only that he was a Lord. I have no one now ... to claim my body when I die. I'll be damned if I'll be put in the pit like trash."

Agronak never cursed, so it said a lot for how strongly he felt about this. I understand the feeling of having lost all ties, and about the pit. I wouldn't want to be put in there either.

The pit is under a grate in the center of the Arena. Fighters without families to claim their body are stripped and rolled into the pit immediately after their fight, right in front of the crowds. When the Arena closes for the night they light the pit on fire and incinerate the bodies. It is the worst smell in the world when they light it, but I have seen people sitting in the stands watching. I always wonder if it is family or friends that couldn't afford the cost of a funeral.

Before stepping foot in that Arena every single time you fight you have to sign legal forms and releases. The Battlemaster and one neutral party have to witness your signature on the papers. Andronicus acts as witness for Owyn's fighters and he does the same for her's.

The first is the 'Designated Claim' form, who will claim your body in the event you die. If you have family coming for you your body is taken to a holding area and stripped of the Arena equipment.

Then you have to sign the 'Incineration at the Discretion of the Arena' form. If your designated claimer does not show in what the Arena deems a reasonable period they have the right to dispose of you in the pit before you stink up the place.

If you don't have a person as a designated claim, you have to sign a waiver for the waiting period so they can just dump you in the pit right away.

At the end of each day the Battlemaster has to send a report to the Chancellor with the list of everyone that was incinerated along with their signed waivers or agreements.

The fear of being disposed of in that pit was foremost on Agronak's mind. He was desperate to find something in his mother's personal papers that would give a clue to any family.

"Agronak, there is no one in Tamriel that can beat you, I doubt you need to worry. But I overheard Owyn telling that Gladiator about something called a 'Power of Attorney' where you can designate a person as a pseudo relative, someone who would act on your behalf as a relative would. You can be released from it later if you find a relative or marry. I am sure Andronicus would do it for you, or if you wanted me to I would do it for you."

"Would you? You have no idea what a relief that would be on my mind. I'll talk to Andronicus about it right away. That Gladiator ... are you talking about Gils? The Dunmer?"

I nodded.

"Is he bothering you? You tell me if he is. He's been getting on my nerves sniffing around you like a dog with a steak dinner. I put a flea in his ear the other day about it."

"He doesn't bother me Agronak. It is just a conquest thing with him. Don't upset your friendship with him over this." I couldn't stand it if I was the cause of a rift between the two friends.

"As long as you are on that mat behind Andronicus I don't care; but if she ever moves you out from behind her, I wouldn't like the idea of you continuing to stay in the Bloodworks."

"I don't have much choice about that. Anyway, I doubt she will move me."

We filled two crates with clothing and bedding and Agronak handed me her jewelry box to carry. He found the deed to the house and brought it as we made our first trip to the Market District.

Jensine's bought the crated items, then Agronak had me wait outside the Red Diamond Jewelers while he took the deed to the Office of Imperial Commerce.

I saw Hassiri from the Black Horse Courier heading up the street toward me and was getting nervous that he would spot me. It was a huge relief when Agronak came around the corner and we were able to duck into the Red Diamond Jewelry together so he could sell the jewelry items.

Just before we stepped back out of the shop Agronak caught my arm and turned me around, slipping a rolled parchment into my hand.

"I want you to have my mother's house. It isn't much, just a shack; but it's somewhere you can go if Andronicus moves you. If that happens, I want you out of that Bloodworks. You know I will end up killing someone if one of those clowns touches you. Consider it your duty to take it so I don't go to prison."

"Agronak, I can't take that, it is yours!"

"No it's not, I had the deed put in your name. Maxical, you know me. I'll never live outside the Bloodworks, it's my home and always has been. You've been thinking about getting out of the Arena lately anyway."

"Agronak, this is too much! I can't take it!"

"It'd mean a lot to me to see you there, to know you had a place of your own. I have something else too, as long as you're already griping. I bought this ring for my mother with my winnings when I made Grand Champion. I couldn't bring myself to sell it. My mother asked me to pick something nice out of her jewelry when she was gone and give it to you, and I chose this. I want you to put a health enchantment on it to help you heal out there in the Arena. That is your main weakness."

"Agronak, what a dear you are, but I can't take that! Any old brass ring will do for the Arena, that is way too nice to fight in." We had stepped through the doorway as we were speaking, then stood outside the door.

"Let me know when your done griping so I can put it on your finger." He gave his lopsided grin. "You are the only one that ever came and visited with Mom. That meant a lot to her and me both. This is from both of us."

"How sweet you are Agronak." There is no arguing with an Orc that has his mind made up. I stuck my hand out and he slid it on, it was a beautiful ring.

"Thank you Agronak." I hugged him and then took his hand as we turned to leave.

"I see I should be wishing you happy. You didn't have to die of old age, did you?"

My head jerked around. Fathis was standing in the midway gawking at us, his face purple with rage.

"Fathis!" I let go of Agronak's hand.

Suddenly Hassiri was in my face, his pad in hand. "Let me be the first to officially congratulate you two. Would you mind giving a..."

"Fathis, please! Please, it's not what you think! Fathis!"

Fathis stormed away. Hassiri's eyes were lit with intrigue.

I looked up at Agronak. "I've got to go after him." I said, then left Agronak to talk to the press while I ran after Fathis.



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This post has been edited by mALX: Jul 28 2016, 09:01 PM

[haute ecole rider]

Weeeeell.

I don't know whether to :, , , or !

I stand behind my original opinion of Fathis. He can be such a

[Acadian]

Nicely done mALX!

If there is a misunderstanding, Maxical will find herself in the middle of it, won't she!?!

Haki the Bold was dressed to the nines

I love this! In the land of the Nine Divines, to be dressed to the Nines is so cool! I think it is wonderful that this phrase has equally effective meaning in or out of TES lore (just for diff reasons) and that you chose to use it!

[mALX]

@ Hauty - I hope all that is good, I know the ROFL is, lol. I slid some below the surface jokes in there, so I hope one of those laughing emoticons is one of these! You and Wolf are usually the ones that catch my undercurrents first, lol. Thank you so much Hauty!!

***

@ Acadian - Thank you very much Acadian! I liked that too. I had to make the story a little different for those having to drudge through it again - a reward for their loyalty, lol.

***

@ Everyone - since this is a re-write, if anyone wants to see something I have left out, or liked the original better than my re-write PLEASE tell me so I can fix it. (like Destri did with the attack where she loses her golden armor) I want it to be all good. Since I am changing some things around and adding new, I am torn on whether I am hurting the story with the changes or helping it.


****** For anyone that is still keeping up with the original story updates, the BGSF does NOT send notices anymore for stories you are tracking as of March 25, 2010. If you are interested in keeping up with the new chapters I can PM you if you let me know you want me to do that. There was a new chapter posted yesterday.


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This post has been edited by mALX: Apr 22 2010, 09:16 PM

[minque]

mALXie....I'm so pleased you post Maxie's story here! I will most certainly follow this version...This last update was touching, without being too mushy...Really very professionally written.


Hmm ever thought of making a living on writing, huh?

[mALX]

@ Minque - Thank you so much Minque! You ROCK!!!


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Everyone - in trying to edit a couple chapters here the encoding issue caused some of the comment thanks I had written out to disappear. They showed on one encoding, but not on the other. When I tried to fix it, they were gone.

Really hate these encoding problems.





This post has been edited by mALX: Jul 28 2016, 09:28 PM

[haute ecole rider]

This is better written the second time around, tighter and more effective.

one nit:

For all the women he had bedded that he never cared a jot about except for the momentary pleasure they could give him, the one he did love was as illusive as a wild horse.

I think the word you want is elusive.

[Winter Wolf]

This little woofy is sitting here with a big smile upon his face.

What had happened to them? For all the women he had bedded that he never cared a jot about except for the momentary pleasure they could give him, the one he did love was as elusive as a wild horse. She taunted him by flaunting that blue show before him then disappeared like a ghost, only to be found in the arms of that damned Orc.

Fathis had been startled by the heat of rage that overtook him when he saw them hold hands, even more so by the urge to kill the Gray Prince today, seeing the obvious acceptance of his proposal. He had never experienced jealousy before, but recognized it for what it was as it burned a hole in his stomach and seared his brain of rational thought. How could she…how could she?

He would have sunk himself in pleasure to “get even” for what she was doing, but Fathis found suddenly that he couldn’t tolerate the game of flirtation long enough to bed another. His mind dwelled on what Maxical was up to. In his few attempts the women irritated him with their inane chatter and obvious innuendo. Even their laughter jarred as being overly boisterous and low class.

Oh mALX, this is lovely. You have nailed the male POV so well it makes my heart sing.
The way you write Fathis is soooo right!!

Go girl.

[Acadian]

It's very clear where Fathis stands and of course Maxical is right in the middle of the misunderstanding!

[mALX]

@ Hauty - Thank You, thank you! I fixed that, I appreciate your help a LOT! I have some scenes coming up in a few chapters that are straight out of your PM over at...the other place - I think you will appreciate the details in it, I used almost all of what you gave me - can't wait to show it to you! Thank you again Hauty!

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@ Winter Wolf - Yeah! You are back! I read your chapter, and can see the hard work you put into it, so I know why you were gone so long! Poor Maxical was missing you badly! Thank you so much Wolf, coming from you that means tons!

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@ Acadian - Thank you so much Acadian! I really appreciate so much that you are still reading her current story updates and these changes too, that means a LOT !!!