QUOTE(Acadian @ Jun 22 2010, 11:24 AM)
Fortunately I had found some wisp stalk and stinkhorn, along with a mortar and pestle. Thanks to Ardaline, in the Bravil mages guild, I knew how to use them.
I like that you mentioned how she learned alchemy--it gives just enough information about her past, without going into too much detail, since the point of the story is not meant to take place in her past. Good job!
QUOTE(Acadian @ Jun 22 2010, 11:24 AM)
All of a sudden a Red Robe burst through a secret door and summoned a suit of armor and mace. Before the Emperor could draw his sword or I could nock an arrow, the mace struck the side of Uriel Septim's head. There was a sickening crack, and the ruler of Tamriel fell. The assailant then turned to me, blood dripping from his mace. I nearly wet my pants, but managed to scream for help and began casting my fire spell as fast as I could while backing up. I brought my bow up in time to block the first blow of his mace.
I loved the "I nearly wet my pants" part. That was great!
QUOTE(Acadian @ Jun 22 2010, 11:24 AM)
After producing some items from a pouch at his waist, Baurus uncapped an inkpot, then handed me a quill and a parchment form to fill out. "I need some information so l can make sure a full pardon is issued for whatever you're in here for. I don’t want the Legion stopping you on the way to Chorrol."
I had no idea what most of the stuff on the form was. I mean, I could read; Nilawen had taught me how so I could help her with the bookkeeping for her store. I simply didn't understand many of the questions. It seemed someone did though. I was beginning to trust Acadian, so I just closed my eyes and let him guide my hands to fill out the form.
I like how you went about this part, with the papers to exempt her and explain what class she is. I would never have thought of that.
QUOTE(Acadian @ Jun 22 2010, 11:24 AM)
The beautiful white fur collar of the royal robes was now soaked with blood from the fatal head wound.
Smells. Rats. Goblins. Yuck. Daylight! Only a few slivers, but real sunshine ahead. Thank you Mara. Rusted and unused, the round gate required several kicks to finally creak open, exposing full daylight, fresh air and a beautiful lake.
I liked that you added the detail about the emperor's collar being soaked with blood, as it adds to the realism. Also, I like how you mentioned that the sewer gate was rusted and it was a nice visual to see Buffy kick the door open.
QUOTE(Acadian @ Jun 22 2010, 11:24 AM)
I was so excited I started dancing around like a little, well, wood elf.
I love this line. And I also like how she wanted to freshen herself up, though I forgot to include that in the quote. Excellent job!