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> Kraven Desselius: The Victory That Broke The Chains., The Best Techniques Are Passed On By the Survivors.
Darkness Eternal
post Aug 14 2013, 01:42 AM
Post #41


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mALX: Yes, it does. Don't hulk out on me just yet. I've been itching to get back into this story. Me and Kraven have unfinished business. I'm taking this story to a different, more personal level. Thanks, mALX.

Acadian: I thought it best to continue with a fresh mind of where the last story left off: Kraven's execution of Gwenabeth. Since this is the Last Battle that he was told to fight in, memories and history of what happened have crept into his mind. You're right, though. He had to get back in the fight.

The mage will put up a bit of a fight. Let's see how Shavaash and Kraven end this battle. Thanks, Acadian!


--------------------
And yet I am, and live—like vapours tossed.
I long for scenes where man hath never trod
A place where woman never smiled or wept
There to abide with my Creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept,
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie
The grass below—above the vaulted sky.”
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Darkness Eternal
post Aug 14 2013, 01:44 AM
Post #42


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From: Coldharbour



Thanks for reading.

This post has been edited by Darkness Eternal: Jul 6 2018, 02:58 AM


--------------------
And yet I am, and live—like vapours tossed.
I long for scenes where man hath never trod
A place where woman never smiled or wept
There to abide with my Creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept,
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie
The grass below—above the vaulted sky.”
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mALX
post Aug 14 2013, 01:53 AM
Post #43


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From: Cyrodiil, the Wastelands, and BFE TN



QUOTE(Darkness Eternal @ Aug 13 2013, 08:42 PM) *

mALX: Yes, it does. Don't hulk out on me just yet.



GAAAAAH!


*mALX looks totally innocent*


"What did I do?"



PS - (coming back to read tomorrow)





This post has been edited by mALX: Aug 14 2013, 01:53 AM


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Acadian
post Aug 14 2013, 07:30 PM
Post #44


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From: Las Vegas



His instinct, like water, turns into the shape of its container without effort, without thought. - - This whole concept is provocatively cool. Well done!

Another heart pounding and creative fight in the Arena. Those spears certainly come in handy.

So, the circle comes full with the beheading of that pesky mage. And Kraven thinks for now - that freedom will be his reward.


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mALX
post Aug 15 2013, 06:30 AM
Post #45


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Urk, he still believes Andrano will free him? Why do I still NOT believe it? I don't see Andrano letting his prize winning/gold earning fighter go.

Great fight, loved at the end how beheading the mage reminded him of Gwenabeth's death so many years ago now. Awesome Write!




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Colonel Mustard
post Aug 15 2013, 11:30 AM
Post #46


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From: The darkest pit of your soul. Hi there!



I quite liked these last two chapters, and the recall segments provided a nice contrast to the two dremora, especially the callback to Gwenabeth with the mage's decapitation. I wasn't sold on the present tense (then again, I've never liked it), but overall it was pretty good.

Edit: Oh god, I just realised how backhanded that sounded. I should probably avoid commenting on people's story's when I'm exhausted and have a lingering hangover...

This post has been edited by Colonel Mustard: Aug 15 2013, 11:34 AM
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Darkness Eternal
post Aug 16 2013, 07:32 PM
Post #47


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Colonel Mustard: Don't worry about it. If there are any issues with the story, please do not hold back.

It was my mistake to add that the present tense fits in with the prologue I wrote. My original file was deleted by accident so I had to rewrite it. The rough draft had the present tense style in place. It slipped my mind to add something that would at least explain the reason for it being there.

I also feel that I should elaborate more on the whole character introduction( this is Kraven Desselius or this is Shavaash Saran). Compared to my other stories this ones physical details and external narrative will be downplayed a bit. Im doing this in favor of getting more inside the head of my characters and their psychology, emotions and motivations.

I never wrote in first person. It was never a writing style that appealed to me personally. While I do love to read other stories in first person, I dont think I would write a story that way only because I dont think Ill be good at doing it. But I asked myself how could I make readers sympathize with Kraven? Or Shavaash? Or Nachael? I think it would be much more effective to write literately how it feels to be a gladiator, a slave and a warrior; how it feels to be Kraven Desselius faced with extreme moral pressure and the choices hes faced with. So I decided to include a second person narrative. Moments such as This Is How It Feels To Be Kraven Desselius. You feel things are changing, will be limited but will show the key moments of Kraven's personal transformation.

This post has been edited by Darkness Eternal: Aug 18 2013, 03:54 PM


--------------------
And yet I am, and live—like vapours tossed.
I long for scenes where man hath never trod
A place where woman never smiled or wept
There to abide with my Creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept,
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie
The grass below—above the vaulted sky.”
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Darkness Eternal
post Aug 19 2013, 01:49 AM
Post #48


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From: Coldharbour



mALX: I understand. Andrano has had a bad reputation in the last story and he may not seem the man to release his prize "property" just like that. But this chapter will explain(hopefully) why Kraven is inclined to believe he will be freed. After all, this was called The Last/Final Battle.

Kraven has had a rough time since that night, and you'll begin to see how much he's truly changed.

Acadian: Spears always come in handy for a hunter smile.gif

That is what he believes. Let us see if Andrano is willing to unlock the chains and free his pet hound into the world. With politics on the way and new changes made, there will be many things happening.


--------------------
And yet I am, and live—like vapours tossed.
I long for scenes where man hath never trod
A place where woman never smiled or wept
There to abide with my Creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept,
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie
The grass below—above the vaulted sky.”
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Darkness Eternal
post Aug 19 2013, 01:52 AM
Post #49


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Joined: 10-June 11
From: Coldharbour



Thanks for reading.

This post has been edited by Darkness Eternal: Jul 6 2018, 02:58 AM


--------------------
And yet I am, and live—like vapours tossed.
I long for scenes where man hath never trod
A place where woman never smiled or wept
There to abide with my Creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept,
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie
The grass below—above the vaulted sky.”
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Acadian
post Aug 20 2013, 07:44 PM
Post #50


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From: Las Vegas



They harvest coin from the meat of his foes to fill his purse. - - This is wonderfully evocative and quite reflects how Andrano thinks.

So, Andrano basks in what he perceives to be his own glory, purchased by the blood of the lesser and the insignificant. We learn that his plans seem to include the planned obsolescence of his gladiator pets. Hmm, that does seem to open the possibility that he might actually keep his word regarding Kravens freedom. Well have to see.


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mALX
post Aug 22 2013, 10:36 AM
Post #51


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The artist's work on Lashun is OUTSTANDING !!! Amazing drawing!

WOO HOO, does this mean he is bringing them to Cyrodiil? I loved getting this little insight into Andrano, but it didn't shake my belief that Andrano won't let Kraven go (as he believes).

He almost said it himself, he won't lose, and they brought him where he is. To release them would be to lose.

LOVED the insight into how Andrano looks at Lashun, very cool the way you slipped that in there. It confirms what I think Andrano is all about anyway, lol. AWESOME Write !!!!





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Grits
post Aug 29 2013, 02:07 PM
Post #52


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OK, I just caught up with this story. I have to say the parts set three years ago were my favorite of what Ive read (so far) from any of your stories.

I think it's because the perspective was limited to Kravens rather than an omniscience narrator. It seemed much more personal, which is very engaging to me. The card game, almost bar fight, and getting jumped on the Waterfront were very intense because your writing put me right there with Kraven rather than sort of detached and viewing the scene from a distance.

Awesome, DE!


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Darkness Eternal
post Sep 12 2013, 02:35 AM
Post #53


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Acadian: You're right. We'll have to wait and see what Andrano does with Kraven and Shavaash and his fighting warriors now that he's officially stepped out of the games. smile.gif

mALX: No, I'm afraid Andrano won't take them to Cyrodiil, as slavery is does not exist there. Though slave-trading is confirmed to happen illegally in the Waterfront.

Thing is, now that he's no longer involved in gladiatorial games, Kraven and Shavaash won't be as good for anything else. Shavaash has the mines and Kraven has the forge, but will Andrano seek to release his human slave after he's paid his due in blood, sweat and tears?

Hmm. I'll slip a few things about Lashun in particular. He plays a major role in the lives of Kraven and Shavaash, you'll either hate him or admire him. Or both.

Thanks!

Grits:Good to have you aboard, Grits! Thank you! I liked explaining his life three years prior.

I actually anticipated someone would call me out on that particular narrative and believe me when I say that it was just the intro after that three year period and the second person narrative will be reserves for focal points in Kraven's journey. It will be very personal and hopefully, twice as engaging as before.

I hope you stay with us in Kraven's pivotal point in his life.


--------------------
And yet I am, and live—like vapours tossed.
I long for scenes where man hath never trod
A place where woman never smiled or wept
There to abide with my Creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept,
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie
The grass below—above the vaulted sky.”
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Darkness Eternal
post Sep 12 2013, 02:42 AM
Post #54


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Joined: 10-June 11
From: Coldharbour



Thanks for reading.

This post has been edited by Darkness Eternal: Jul 6 2018, 02:59 AM


--------------------
And yet I am, and live—like vapours tossed.
I long for scenes where man hath never trod
A place where woman never smiled or wept
There to abide with my Creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept,
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie
The grass below—above the vaulted sky.”
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mALX
post Sep 13 2013, 05:00 AM
Post #55


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From: Cyrodiil, the Wastelands, and BFE TN




First off, your descriptions of the trek and Stronghold were amazing, so well written that I was able to visualize the sight and smell the odors as you described them - amazing write here! So vivid that it brought back memories of when my son returned from Iraq on the descriptions of how the men were effected after this.

Now - just as I suspected, Andrano is not ready to immediately keep his promise to free them (or they wouldn't have had to travel back to his Stronghold to be released). What shocked me here was that Kraven wasn't the one to balk when he found out he'd been had - Nachael was!

I know Kraven eventually is freed to meet and marry Vera, so something has to happen to shake him free from Andrano. I am anticipating what you will do with this and can't wait to see/read when all hell breaks loose around Andrano !!! Awesome Write !!!




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Acadian
post Sep 28 2013, 01:20 AM
Post #56


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So, Andranos word to a slave carries no more import than dust in the wind. And out of the Mouth (Lashun) flow words from the tongue of a snake. Why am I not surprised?

I wonder if it will occur to Kraven that Gwenabeth had the right idea.

An excellently woven mosaic of heavy despair here.


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Darkness Eternal
post Dec 1 2013, 05:37 AM
Post #57


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From: Coldharbour



Thanks for reading.

This post has been edited by Darkness Eternal: Jul 6 2018, 03:01 AM


--------------------
And yet I am, and live—like vapours tossed.
I long for scenes where man hath never trod
A place where woman never smiled or wept
There to abide with my Creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept,
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie
The grass below—above the vaulted sky.”
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Colonel Mustard
post Dec 1 2013, 12:06 PM
Post #58


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Does this mean we're getting an update soon? I hope this means we're getting an update soon.

Update soon, pls.
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Grits
post Dec 2 2013, 04:38 PM
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Kraven's story shall continue once Vera story end.

Awesome, I was really hoping that you would come back to this one. I cant wait to see how Kraven moves on from here.

The Story so far was much appreciated to fill in where my memory has dropped a few details. Thank you for doing that!



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Acadian
post Dec 3 2013, 04:53 PM
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A wonderful summary of where Kraven is to date! I'm sure it will prove helpful to both new readers and us loyal Kraven fans once you resume his adventure.

In the meantime, I highly commend Vera's story to any who are not following it. The two tales are interrelated and wonderfully done. I confess I look forward to the time when, perhaps, the two will blend into one. We've seen enticing snips of that in both Vera's story and in the WG RP series.


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