Buffy the Bowgirl, Book 1, Thread 1, Do You Know the Way to Kvatch? Options

[SubRosa]

The Buffster is back!

And it is Ardaline who taught Buffy to mix potions. I like how you are not only introducing Buffy's skillz, but also creating the foundations of many of her relationships. Ardaline, Marz, Daenlin, etc... In a very subtle way, you are showing us that this little Elfton is part of an extended family, rather than simply being a lone adventurer.

Excellent description of bow use. Not just the things like drawing to half-tension to sight and letting out half a breath, but also the extra thought given to the ceiling and stalactites. Likewise with Buffy's tactical sense that prompted her to brew up a poison, take her shot, and then escape to allow it to do its job.

A slash to the unarmored area at the back of the assassin's legs crumpled him to his knees.
Looks like Baurus has been taking lessons from Julian...

Once again, you chose a very original way to portray how the game asks you to pick your class, etc..., by weaving it into Baurus making a pardon for our agent, ahem, bowgirl.

And finally the obligatory bath in the lake, washing away the old life in order to usher in the new.

nits:
I shot him also, then turned and ran back down the tunnel I came from, nocking a second arrow as I ran.
You have ran twice here. Perhaps replace the second instance with "as I did so" or "as I went"?

This post has been edited by SubRosa: Jun 23 2010, 12:38 AM

[Destri Melarg]

There they are, Buffy and Baurus, standing in the Sanctum with the Emperor of Tamriel's dead body staining the (presumably) stone floors and Baurus still has the presence of mind to fulfill the demands of bureaucracy! His (and your) explanation for why the form needs filling out lifted this piece of business from the ridiculous into another of those head-slapping, why-didn't-I-think-of-that moments that we have all grown to know and love in Buffy's story. Well Done!

I did spot this:

He then pressed his amulet into my hand instructing me to deliver it to a monk named Jauffre.

I think the word 'to' escaped your keen editorial eye.

[Remko]

It would seem Buffy's been taking cooking lessons from Rales

[Winter Wolf]

On this new and fantastic day let me quote some Poe -

Oh lady dear, hast thou no fear?
Why and what art thou dreaming here?
Sure thou art come o'er far-off seas,
A wonder to these garden trees!
Strange is thy pallor! strange thy dress!
Strange, above all, thy length of tress,
And this all solemn silentness!

I am overjoyed to see that our Buffy is back. Your writing is far too influential to be tucked away on some hard drive somewhere. It belongs in the public domain, more, more, I say!!

You are not the one who will save the Empire, but it cannot be saved without you.

I agree with Sage Rosa here, this, my friend, is an awesome line.

This post has been edited by Winter Wolf: Jun 25 2010, 08:26 AM

[Acadian]

In Chapter 2 (part 2), Buffy witnessed the death of Uriel Septim VII in the tunnels under the Imperial Prison, then made her way to fresh air and daylight.

Rider- I'm so glad that Buffy's temperament comes through. That she can learn from Acadian is pretty straightforward; my hope was that the tail end of the previous chapter shows that Buffy is well-equipped to teach him a thing or two as well. Oh, and as pointed out by SubRosa, we also learn from Julian.

Zalphon- Thank you for those mighty kind words! The name Buffy is a blend of several themes:
1. Yes, her mother was a Bosmer merchant, but her father was a Breton vampire slayer. . . .
2. She likes alliteration: Buffy the Blond Bravilian Bosmer/Breton Bowgirl. (I figured Buffy was better than Barbie or Bambie.)
3. Buffy tells me that as a youngster, her parents couldn't keep clothes on her, especially around water. Running around 'in the buff' earned her that nickname as a child. To this day, being near waterfalls makes her clothes fall off and she can't resist a swim.
4. One must admit that Buffy is an unusual name for a TES character. My intent was that the tongue-in-cheek aspect would prevent me from taking her too seriously. In that regard, I'm afraid I have failed miserably.

Olen- I'm delighted you are still with us. Buffy is well-intentioned, but has a short attention span, so she may become easily distracted from the Emperor's task. Whimsical is a description we relish. I hope that as you continue to read and get to know her better, you might agree that 'comfort food' (coined by D.Foxy), 'cuddly like a rattlesnake' (coined by SubRosa) and even 'lethally blond' (coined by Mrs Acadian) might also apply to her.

SubRosa- Thank you, as always for the rich feedback. You are such an indispensable sounding board for how we are doing. Yes, we totally borrowed Julian's patented katana slash to the back of the legs! Speaking of borrowing, I know that you will note a tiny bit of TF in the next chapter. Thank you for the nit - agreed and fixed!

Destri- Thank you. We like the game to be recognizable, but Buffy will routinely try to ferret out underlying currents and make sense of her world. I appreciate your keen editorial eye allowing me the opportunity to fix that little typo.

Remko- Yes, fire spell + mudcrab = Rales special! In the original version, Buffy shot the crab and ate it raw. This time around, that elicited an 'Ewww!' from Mrs Acadian, so we crafted an alternative, with Rales coming to the rescue.

Wolf- Oh my. That poem really made Buffy swoon. When last I saw her she was headed for Nilawen's to see about getting a frame to put it up in her house. She sends:

* * *

3 Buffy Fights Her Way Home

I had made my way back to the Imperial City, but I was broke. To get home, I needed gold to afford ship travel down the Niben. Hopefully selling the loot I collected from my prison escape would help. Besides, I could barely carry it all.

I wondered if that amulet the Emperor gave me was worth much? Buffy! Don't even think it! He was a nice old man and entrusted me with it on his deathbed. I never actually said I would deliver the thing to this Jauffre fellow though . . . but Baurus also trusted me. I mean, he could have just killed me, taken the amulet and delivered it himself. Of course, Baurus also told me to take care of what I needed to first. Well, I needed to get home. Settled then. I would deliver the amulet - just not right now.

Wandering the Market District, I found myself in front of the same store where the. . . um, incident that landed me in prison had occurred. I hoped City Swimmer had made it home safely. The wooden sign hanging over the door was new and different. It seemed some new merchant had wasted no time buying the store and getting it back in business under a different name.

As I entered the shop, I looked at the letters beautifully carved into the wood of the massively elegant new counter: 'Copious Coinpurse - the shop where your purse is just as full after you buy!' Well, since my purse was empty I was hoping to do a little better than that.

I couldn't keep my eyes from straying to the spot on the floor where I had last seen the former owner with my arrow imbedded in his chest. I felt a sense of guilt - the blood stain was still faintly visible on the planks of the well-scrubbed wooden floor.

"I'm Thoronir. How may I help you today, sister Bosmer?" His voice was that of a smooth talking merchant, but certainly friendly enough and I returned his warm smile.

Standing eye-to-eye with Thoronir, it was refreshing not having to look up to talk to him. Sliding the goblin staff from my back and opening my pack, I replied, "I need some gold to get home and I'm hoping you can help."

Upon selling all the stuff I didn't need, I left the store, counted my gold and frowned. After picking some plants with alchemical properties that grew within the city, I found a shop called The Main Ingredient. I used some of the gold that Thoronir had given me to buy some empty vials and ingredients that would combine well with those I had just gathered. My hope was to make back my gold - and more - by selling finished potions.

After some work with my mortar and pestle, I returned to the Copious Coinpurse.

Thoronir gave me a good price on those potions, especially since I didn't need them. Finally, my rumbling stomach prompted me to buy a couple loaves of bread from him. I had almost enough gold now to book passage home to Bravil - but not quite.

Once back outside on the cobblestone street, I pondered my next move. The sun had now dipped below the tall gray walls surrounding the Market District, and shadows were beginning to claim the city for the night. I really didn't want to spend any gold on an inn, but I needed a place to sleep. Behind the Merchants Inn I found a bedroll. Unfortunately, a nearby beggar said it was hers. After explaining my plight, I asked if she had any ideas.

Her name was Simplicia. Gray hair framed a life-hardened face, but her eyes were kind. She looked at the longbow on my back that towered above the top of my head. Her gaze then shifted to above my right shoulder at the feathered tails bristling from their quiver. Finally she took my right hand in hers, opened it and examined the heavy bowstring calluses on my fingers. "I see you are no stranger to the bow. Perhaps you should join the gladiators in the Arena."

Surely she had been sleeping out in the rain too long! She responded to my skeptical look by gently placing her gnarled hand upon my forearm, "trust me dear, if you need gold quickly, the Arena's probably better and safer than the alternative."

"Which is?" I prompted.

Her eyes briefly flashed as if recalling a painful memory, then she shook her head and quietly replied, "selling yourself at the Merchants Inn."

I thought about that, and suspected she was right. Something in Simplica's tone suggested she spoke with the wisdom of experience. I didn't fancy getting killed in the Arena, but the idea of being pawed by strange men made my skin crawl. Besides, I reflected guiltily, I knew more about killing men than sleeping with them.

The Arena could provide a place to sleep, a set of armor and some gold. Of course I could also get killed, but I was pretty good with a bow. . . . Hopefully Daenlin's training would not let me down. Well ok then. I sighed heavily, blew some blond strays from my face, then nodded at Simplicia. After we shared one of my loaves of bread, I thanked her and headed for the Arena.

It was dark by the time I found the entrance to the Bloodworks, but it was still open. My heart sank when Owyn the Blademaster started laughing at me. I was torn between happiness and fear when the Redguard finally agreed to let me become a combatant of the lowest rank - Pit Dog.

Well, if I needed to fight to get home, so be it - but not tonight. "What have I gotten us into, Acadian?" I whispered as I crawled into an empty bedroll. Exhaustion prevailed over fear however, and sleep came quickly.

The next morning I tried on my newly issued Arena armor. Owyn had called it a light raiment. It was blue and quite attractive, actually. After eating some of my bread and quaffing a pitcher of water, I strapped on my quiver, grabbed my bow, then reported to Owyn. He sounded pretty discouraging, but scheduled me for the next match. I climbed up the ramp to the Arena itself, then applied the only poison I had to an arrow. I stuck two more arrows into the ground by my right foot.

With my bow partially drawn, the announcer describing that only one Pit Dog would leave the Arena alive and the crowd yelling, I was scared to death. Too late to back out now, Buffy. The gate opened and I was already sighted in. I quickly brought my bowstring to full tension and released it. My first arrow was still in the air as I grabbed the second.

The other combatant's pale skin blossomed with a green tinge from my poison, but he was still racing at me as I launched my second arrow and grabbed a third. He was getting way too close. I could clearly see now he was a fellow Bosmer. I started moving backwards down my tunnel as I nocked that third arrow.

The impact at this range knocked him off balance and stopped him. His face was contorted with pain and rage, yet somehow he managed to resume a staggering advance and raise his blade. He was close enough now to hit me however, and I had run out of tunnel to back up in!

My bow came up to deflect his short sword while fire flew from my right hand. He screamed at the flames as the tip of his blade skittered down the lower limb of my bow, then into my left leg. The horrible smell of his burning flesh filled the air as, finally, he fell.

"Oh thank Mar-" I stopped myself short, unsure how our Goddess of Love would feel about helping me kill my Arena opponent.

My left shoulder ached from being badly jarred. I was bleeding from the gash on my leg and shaking all over. I heard the booming voice of the announcer declaring me the winner, so I limped back into the Bloodworks. The healing fountain eased my wounds quite a bit. Although not broken, the staff of my bow had been badly nicked. I suspected it would break if brought to full tension - I would need another bow. I had survived this fight, but clearly needed to get a lot better if I was ever going to do this again and expect to live.

"You did it! You actually survived your first match!" The incredulity in Owyn's voice made it clear that he had never expected me to live. I didn't find that comforting at all. He produced a small bag of gold and pressed it into my hand. "Here's your take, Pit Dog." He then slapped me on the shoulder - yes, the sore one and added, "ok, go get yourself cleaned up, kid. Good job."

I didn't feel like I had done a good job as I plopped onto a bench in the training bay of the Bloodworks. Did the Bosmer I had just killed have a family? Was he just trying to earn some money to get home like me? Any dreams he had were now spilled out upon the sands of the Arena. Like me however, he had made a choice. I wished his elven spirit well, hoping that had he been victorious he would have done the same for me. Shaking my head, I tried to clear the image of his charred face from my mind, and counted my gold. Including Owyn's pouch of blood money, I now had enough to get home.

Since the Arena raiment was the nicest outfit I had, I kept it on. Leaving the damaged bow behind, I shouldered my pack and headed for the Waterfront to book passage on a ship home.

As I left the Bloodworks, I breathed the word, "Bravil." Every fiber in me ached to return to my humble city on the Niben.

Besides, City Swimmer owed me big for saving her scaly tail.

[SubRosa]

Once again, I can see the improvement over the original. The Copious Coinpurse replacing the previous shop was brilliant. As was Buffy's pangs of regret over the stain on the floor. Not to mention her thinking of pawning the Amulet of Kings! Let's face it, who would not at least think of doing it!

Yay for Simplicia!

I knew more about killing men than sleeping with them.
Now there is a sentiment that both Buffy and Teresa share. I suspect that Buffy will outgrow it one day...

Once again good work on describing Buffy's use of the bow, this time staging arrows in the sand in order to fire quicker. I also liked her thanking Mara, then stopping herself at the thought. Although I looked at Daggerfall once and in there Mara has an order of knights, all of the Nine seem to.

This post has been edited by SubRosa: Jun 25 2010, 04:34 PM

[D.Foxy]

(Grumble) Rosa has hogged all the lines I was gonna spout...well that's what you get when you watch Bravil (er er) Brazil vs Portugal and THEN go back to your comp...

VERY nice writing Acadian!!!

[haute ecole rider]

I really liked this chapter a great deal.

Adding Simplicia and using her to point Buffy to the Arena was outstanding. I remember her from the TF, and am glad that she came to help Buffy as well. Seems she has a fondness for young Bosmeri women!

I can only echo what Sage Rosa has already said.

[Zalphon]

Buffy the Prostitute... That'd be an interesting chapter. I can see it now...

The orc male grumbles, "On the bed, now. No clothes."

"My bow strung, now. Your heartbeat silenced," growled Buffy.

[Winter Wolf]

Such a smooth and beautiful chapter.

Using Thoronir as the new owner brought a smile to my face, bravo to that!

I really loved the way you paused the action when you entered the Bloodworks instead of having Buffy just jump into her first fight. The overnight sleep was a show of humanity (is that the right word for a Bosmer?) that will become the main stay of what makes your writing so delicious.

Besides, I reflected guiltily, I knew more about killing men than sleeping with them.

Fantastic!! Watching Buffy squirm her way through her encounters with men is one of the best parts of this story. Every time I hear Kud-Ei mention her love for her girls, I always think of inexperienced Buffy!

I get the feeling that this might change over time....

[Acadian]

In Chapter 3, selling items from her Imperial Prison escape and crafting potions could not quite finance Buffy's ship travel home to Bravil. Trading blood for gold, she emerged from an Arena fight with enough money for her passage home.

SubRosa- Thank you so much for the encouragement. I'm having fun working in minor tweaks that don't change the focus of her story. My challenge is to not increase chapter length. Buffy used to cover so much more ground per chapter in her early days! I'm afraid if I start allowing chapters to grow and multiply, we may never catch up. I look forward to the chapters ahead where she began to lavish more detail. You were squarely in mind as Buffy stopped herself short when thanking Mara. And of course, TF influenced our view of Simplicia.

Foxy- If the fight felt right, then you are to credit. She's broken two bows trying to block so far (as you suspected she would). Expect her to develop a spell to strengthen her bow for blocking. Thank you for reading!

Rider- I'm so glad you liked it! The scene with Simplicia, like Buffy's debate over the amulet, gave us a couple great opportunities to try and show some of Buffy's trademark internal debates and roundabout decision making that makes sense only to her.

Zalphon- Buffy the prostitute? Heh, I suspect she'll keep her day job and stick to selling potions and pelts when she needs gold.

Wolf- You know her well, my friend. Buffy is so very fortunate to have, in you, such a connoisseur of her life. Thank you!

* * *

4 Homecoming

The only passage I could afford was a tired old merchant vessel hauling goods to Leyawiin. I was told the captain had no plans to stop before his destination. The first mate took my gold and allowed me aboard - with an understanding. "We'll toss ye in the drink as we draw abeam Bravil. Ye knows how to swim now, doncha, Lass?"

The trip was slow and uneventful until we neared Bravil. Several of the crew were gathered on deck, speculating about a rocky outcropping that had appeared in the middle of Niben Bay. I could see the recently formed island, and what looked like some sort of glowing stone structure on it.

The first mate turned to me and exclaimed, "cursed rocks! They're poppin' up outta the river now. Had we passed here by night, we'd like as not be aground. Aye, 'tis a bad omen for sure." He shook his head then jerked his thumb to the west. "Bravil be as close as she'll get, Lass." He then added with a brown-toothed crooked grin, "mind the slaughterfish now."

Much to the amusement of the crew, I removed my clothes, wrapped them tightly in a piece of oilcloth from the ship and stuffed the bundle into my pack. I jumped into the Niben and swam for home.

Once ashore, I quickly dressed, then headed for the bridge leading to the Bravil city gate.

Captain Viera Lerus was talking to one of her guards, and barely noticed me as she pointed towards the bay. "Caccian, take the boat, row out to that island and relieve Gaius Prentus. He'll bring the boat back and your relief will be out in the morning."

I learned that the Count had ordered a guard be posted on the new island until they could determine its nature. Crossing the short bridge, I entered my town.

"Oh Buffy, we were so scared that we had lost you for good!" There were tears in Nilawen's brown eyes as she fiercely hugged me. I winced - those Arena wounds were not completely healed. "City Swimmer returned without you and refused to tell us anything about it."

I told the pretty, black-haired Bosmer that we had simply gotten separated and it took me a few days to make my way home. I decided to leave out the bits about dead merchants, Emperors and Arena combatants.

An uncomfortable look came across Nilawen's face. "Buffy, while you were gone, my late husband's cousin, Nordinor arrived and I have agreed to let him stay - in your old room upstairs. I hope you don't mind too much. The rent money he pays will really help make ends meet. You're eighteen now; Kud-Ei has agreed to take you on at her guild and provide quarters for you."

I was taken aback. Not because of Nordinor. The words that echoed in my head were: You're eighteen! Missing my own birthday? Unconscious on the floor of a prison cell - yep, not a birthday to remember I guess. "Nilawen, I could never be upset with you. You took me in when my mother died and treated me like your own family for these past six years. It is indeed time for me to join the guild."

There was so much catching up to do!

It was hard to be mad at City Swimmer, with her sad orange eyes. She felt so badly that she had abandoned me in the Imperial City. "You saved my life, Buffy, and I will give to you the only valuable thing I have. When the time is right, I will share with you the secret of the Gray Fox." I told City Swimmer I forgave her. I didn't quite know what to make of her offer, so I decided to let it pass, for now. She cried and hugged me. I surely hoped my wounds would heal before I received too many more hugs.

Not to be. This time it was me doing the hugging. "Daenlin, my friend, my teacher. You have no idea how many times your lessons have saved my life in the last week!" I told him of my adventures, of shooting, blocking with my bow, and how I had survived an Arena fight.

Daenlin made an exaggerated show of inspecting my empty back which normally sported a bow, then chuckled, "seems you've been pretty hard on weapons. We can't have an unarmed bowgirl. Here take these."

I gratefully accepted the bow, and strapped the empty quiver he offered to my back. "Thank you, Master."

The old Bosmer's face then turned serious. "Buffy, decades ago I knew an elf named Diana. Never had I seen an archer blessed with her degree of natural ability - until I brought you on as an apprentice ten years ago. Don't let this go to your head now; there are plenty of dead natural archers. Talent is wasted without passion and dedication to the craft of marksmanship. In you, my apprentice, I see all these things."

Daenlin was now carefully inspecting arrows, and loading them, one by one, over my shoulder into the quiver. "Archery however, requires other skills to be effectively and safely used. Since you refuse to learn to fight with a blade, you must learn magic to strengthen your bow so you can block without damaging it. You also need spells that can immobilize your foes so you can safely shoot them. I have been talking with Kud-Ei and Nilawen. We agree, it is time for you to join the guild of magic."

Kud-Ei and her mages welcomed me warmly, and helped me move my few possessions into the guild hall. They even threw a small, belated eighteenth birthday party for me after dinner in the dining room. I grabbed my Altmer friend. "Thank you, Ardaline for showing me how to make potions when I was younger. You have no idea how much that helped me when I was in the Imperial City."

Kud-Ei overheard and motioned for me to approach. "Buffy, I'll do anything for my girls, and right now Ardaline has a problem. How would you like to start the admissions process to the Arcane University and help Ardaline at the same time?"

I got excited and chirped, "University? Help Ardaline? Oh, yes! How can I do that?"

Kud Ei explained what I must do to recover Ardaline's missing staff and gain my first recommendation to the University. Then she taught me a spell that would make people more receptive when I tried to be charming. I knew about sweet talking, and hoped the spell could improve my results. She told me to start by talking to a local Dunmer who had been pestering Ardaline.

The next morning, thanks to my new charm spell, that Dunmer, Varen Vamori was ready to do anything for me. I discovered he was sweet on Ardaline. Although no expert in these matters, I suggested that stealing and selling Ardaline's staff to a dealer in the Imperial City had perhaps not been the wisest choice for winning her affection.

Fully healed, well equipped, and with a newfound confidence from my recent exploits, I decided to brave the trip on foot. I found I was beginning to like the idea of having Acadian with me. He patiently listened to me chatter about all kinds of things on our journey.

Well, there wasn't really too much to getting the staff back, just some more sweet talking and a little sneaking. Oh, and I got to pick a couple locks. I was terrible at that, and sure there must be a better way. Perhaps magic?

Upon my return, Kud-Ei was delighted that I had recovered Ardaline's staff and gave me a recommendation for the Arcane University.

I spent the next several days mostly at the guild, learning and practicing. I was starting to get better with magic. I could now control or confuse simple animals and detect nearby life signs. I really wanted to learn how to disappear. I practiced a lot in the guild basement, sometimes just casting spells over and over.

I didn't neglect my bow skills though. One day, while hunting along the river, I just stood and stared at that mysterious island out in the bay. Finally I said impishly, "Acadian, are you thinking what I am?"

*

"Buffy, where on Nirn did you get this?" Daenlin was incredulously examining the bow.

"Well," I replied with a giggle, "I sweet talked the guards into letting me ride out to that new island in the bay with them!"

"And. . .?" prompted Daenlin as he cocked his head and looked at me with arched eyebrows.

"There's a magic portal out there on the island. Gaius Prentus said if I was stupid enough to go in there, he wouldn't stop me. Well, you know me - in I went. First, there was a funny, bald man who asked me if I wanted to proceed further into what he called the Shivering Isles. I told him sure. He disappeared. Then the room - you're really not going to believe this Daenlin - it exploded into butterflies! I was on a hilltop in a land like nothing I've seen before."

I continued excitedly, "well, I decided to look around some before coming home. I found some plant samples that I simply must show to Ardaline. There were also some unusual creatures that looked like gray goblins. The mayor of the little town there - it's called Passwall - said they're called grummites." I stopped for a moment to catch my breath, then quickly went on, "I saw some old ruins and decided to explore around the outside of them. There were more of those grummites, but with bows. After killing one, I grabbed his weapon and came right home. So, what do you think?"

Daenlin's face clouded with concern as he shook his balding head. "Buffy, I know you're a fine archer, but I worry about your risk taking. You could have been killed charging into something unknown like that."

"Daenlin," I said, frowning defensively. "I want to travel and adventure. I'm old enough to - "

The old Bosmer held up his hand to silence me. "Yes, yes, I know how old you are. But you are still a young elf with only a tiny fraction of your potential lifespan behind you. You're not a human; you don't need to race through life like they do. I just worry about you, that's all."

"I know you do," I said gently. "I'll be careful, I promise. But really now, what do you think of this bow?"

Daenlin turned the weapon over in his hands several times. "Hmm, very light. Some sort of unusual wood. Incredibly balanced and strong though. Buffy, I have no idea. Let's try it out." Daenlin grabbed his Bow of Infliction, then we went out to the archery target by The Lonely Suitor Lodge.

Thunk. My old bow hit the target. "Now," Daenlin said, "take your grummite bow and try to do exactly the same thing. I'll keep track of which arrow came from which bow." I did as Daenlin instructed, then he handed me his Bow of Infliction and told me to repeat the process yet again.

We walked up to the target and Daenlin spent several moments carefully measuring how deeply each arrow had penetrated. He then removed and returned them to my quiver, took his Bow of Infliction from me and stated, "Buffy, I've never seen anything like this grummite bow of yours. It's much more lethal than your old iron trimmed one, yet weighs less. In fact it is very nearly as powerful as the Bow of Infliction at a quarter of the weight. You have quite a find there, my apprentice!"

As Daenlin went back into the Archer's Paradox, I practiced with the grummite bow, quickly gaining confidence that this exciting new find would serve me long and well. I had always wanted to travel. Perhaps, after learning some more magic, I might be ready to venture beyond Bravil and the Imperial City.

[SubRosa]

"We'll toss ye in the drink as we draw abeam Bravil. Ye knows how to swim now, doncha, Lass?"
I love it! The same way Chance got to Bravil, except the pirates did not know he was going for a swim...

And I see another new addition that fits in perfectly. Taking the ship back rather than the coach provides Buffy with the prefect segue into the Shivering Isles (it must be really cold there).

You're eighteen! Missing my own birthday? Unconscious on the floor of a prison cell - yep, not a birthday to remember I guess.
Doh! I hate birthday parties like that! That reminds me, I should think of when Teresa's birthday is... Thank you for putting that idea in my head.

And here is another bit of re-engineering. Diana rears her pointy ears already. Very good choice in doing so. This really sets up some very important, long-term plot-lines.

Finally Buffy gets the obligatory "be careful" speech from the old man. She is not the only youngin' to be enduring that today.

This post has been edited by SubRosa: Jun 29 2010, 04:46 PM

[haute ecole rider]

I loved that you introduced us to Diana at this point - wonderful foreshadowing here! Knowing what's far ahead, I think this is a good time to start planting seeds.

I loved the interaction between Buffy and the first mate, as pointed out by Rosie.

And we see the first part of Shivering Isles! Buffy is a mite foolhardy to go diving in there!

Good job tweaking this chapter!

[Zalphon]

I enjoyed this chapter, very well written.

[Winter Wolf]

The way you have captured Buffy's naivety was oh so good. The deadly killing machine when pushed to the wall is only a flickering flame that has not even begun to show itself. Buffy comes across as an adventurous and happy girl that can take anything in her stride. "Oh by the way Buffy you are out on your ear and shipped off to the MG. Pack up your gear and go."

The young are like that, they are capable of learning and adapting to anything. Bravo!

[Olen]

I like Buffy and I like this story, I think she's the only character I've read who would go for a casual day trip to the Shivering Isles and not really think anything of it. And now the nieve tide of destruction is decending on the mages guild... I wonder if they know what's coming.

Good stuff, most enjoyable and by the sounds of it quite extensive too.

[Destri Melarg]

3. Buffy Fights Her Way Home

The first thing that struck me was Buffy’s irrepressible ability to rationalize anything. Your ability to write from the point of view of the opposite sex never ceases to amaze. Sure, the Gates of Oblivion are opened wide and all of Nirn is threatened by the Daedric Prince of Destruction. And sure, the Emperor and his legitimate heirs are all dead which leaves the whole of the Empire in limbo. But dammit, Buffy needs to get back home first!

What a surprising revelation it was to discover that the shop had been bought up and renamed The Copious Coinpurse. In the most simple and direct way you give us all a sense of the economics of the Imperial City. The fact that the shop is turned over so quickly means that there must be quite a long waiting list to get into the Market District. I wonder how long Thoronir’s name was on the list, and what he did while he waited (that sounds like the material for an excellent subplot).

4. Homecoming

Daenlin’s character really comes across well in this chapter, and I agree with haute that the foreshadowing of Diana is a very nice touch. I was so intrigued by the crew of the ship that I wish Buffy had spent more time aboard, but I know she was anxious to finally get back home.

Talent is wasted without passion and dedication . . .

QFT . . . In all things! To paraphrase Daenlin: ‘In you, Acadian, we see all these things.’

[Acadian]

In Chapter 4, Buffy returned home to Bravil, caught up with friends, joined the Guild of Mages and even found a wonderful new bow during a brief excursion into the Shivering Isles. She seems quite interested in studying magic, and her guild head has suggested she pursue admission to the Arcane University.

SubRosa- I'm so pleased you agree with our choice to switch to a ship for this trip. I don't really intend to develop coach travel, but ships clearly fit right in. As you pointed out, I noticed that both our elves endured the old 'be careful' speech nearly simultaneously. Thank you for your wonderful support.

Rider- I'm delighted that the ship trip worked well! Thank you. Yes, Buffy, just ignore the warning of old Gaius Prentus standing guard at the portal to Shivering Isles. Foolhardy? Methinks you're right!

Zalphon- Thank you. I really appreciate you staying with us!

Wolf- Young, naïve and adaptable - yes. As you know, she will grow and become more sophisticated, but she'll always have some glaringly naïve moments.

Olen- I'm so glad you like Buffy! My hope is that she will continue to worm her way into your heart. I do hope she listens to Daenlin and learns a touch of caution though.

Destri- Yes, she is certainly good at rationalizing - sometimes in the most head-spinning of ways. That she could influence the Empire is beyond her comprehension. Buffy is that 'simple girl from Bravil', motivated by personal friendships, survival and curiosity. I'm pleased that I could edit in the ship travel and Copious Coinpurse aspects and still keep this chapter to one post. Daenlin's concern for Buffy's risk taking was a result of your counsel and comments way back in another chapter in the original version. Thank you.

* * *

5 You Hear Voices Too?

"You'll not stop me Kalthar! This amulet rightfully belongs to Dagail!" The boldness and authority in my voice surprised me.

The mage's fist spiked upwards towards the low ceiling with an ominous glow. My hand was quicker though. A green trail of magic leapt from my fingertips towards Kalthar's chest and struck like a serpent. Paralyzed and poisoned by my new power, Cobra's Dance, his body went limp and started to fall. My right hand then shot into my quiver as I stepped back. A moment later, he jerked from the impact of my first arrow. I reached for a second, but found it was not needed.

Kalthar was dead. I quivered the arrow and sat down to think. How did this happen and what to do now?

My main concern was that I had just killed a member of my own guild. When I found the Seers Stone amulet deep inside Fort Blueblood and turned to leave, Kalthar had suddenly appeared. I was delighted to see him, and at the prospect of a fellow guild mate to travel back to Leyawiin with. It quickly became clear however, that Kalthar was a traitor to the guild and that only one of us would leave the fort alive.

Staring at Kalthar's corpse, I reviewed the events of the last few days that had led to this.

Back in Bravil, Acadian had urged that I travel to Leyawiin for my next guild recommendation. I decided to listen. The trek south had been pretty uneventful. I gathered lots of plants with useful properties growing between the shore of the Lower Niben and the Green Road. My new bow proved several times to be as light and lethal as Daenlin had surmised.

At one point I heard hoofbeats rapidly approaching, and stepped to the side of the road. The rider abruptly drew up her mount in a cloud of dust beside me. Her black horse was breathing hard and I could feel the heat emanating from the majestic animal. The dusty rider was a young Breton who, as the horse pranced and snorted, handed me a newspaper and said she had no time to chat. They were then gone with an amazing display of speed.

I stared at the trail of dust as the hoofbeats were quickly swallowed by the Green Road leading back towards Bravil. The paper was the Black Horse Courier and this one was all about the assassination. It confirmed that the Elder Council had everything under control. That made me feel better about holding onto the Emperor's amulet until my guild recommendations brought me north to Chorrol.

Putting the newspaper in my pack, I decided to check my map and noticed a blue mark southeast of Leyawiin that wasn't there earlier. That could only mean one thing. "Acadian, why do you think we should go into the Black Marsh?" No answer. I found it annoying to get told where to go, but on the other hand, I was scared not to go. Acadian didn't pester me often, and usually it was for good reason.

Although we were getting close to Leyawiin, the sun was now dipping below the trees and it would soon be dark.

I stepped to the river's edge to fill my water bag and was quickly able to find and kill a mudcrab. Moving well across the road and up into a small, secluded clearing, I set up camp. Soon I was surrounded by the beautiful starlit sky, warm crackle of a fire, and the herb-enhanced smell of roasted crab. After dinner, I counted and inspected my arrows. Then I stowed my equipment, shucked off my clothes and went to crawl into my bedroll. I could sense Acadian's irritation. I knew exactly what this was about and my temper flared.

Men! "Acadian, if you had your way, I would sleep with full battle gear including a bow and quiver jammed into my back! Or more likely, would you have me never sleep at all? I know you worry, but that’s why I had Ita Rienus teach me how to disappear before we left Bravil. You know that every time I camp or bathe in the wilderness, I make sure I have that spell ready. That will allow the time I need to grab my bow if suddenly attacked. Now, mind your own business about what I do or do not wear!"

Early the next morning, I chose to bypass Leyawiin and set off for that blue mark on my map. The ground softened and the vegetation thickened, becoming more marsh like as I continued south. By midday, I found it. The towering gray stone appeared to be some sort of shrine. Although I suspected it was magical, the stone was dormant to my touch.

After dark. There was no sound, but Acadian's words were clear.

I set up my campsite and spent the latter part of the day turning some of the ingredients I had gathered into potions, chatting to Acadian and wondering what a University recommendation from the Leyawiin guild might entail.

I needed to improve my ability to repair things if I was ever going to effectively use magic weapons and armor. My nice blue Arena uniform was getting pretty beat up between the times I could find someone to repair it. I had taken to carrying extra hammers and practiced repairing everything I could, even if I just dropped and left it. I mean, some dead bandit's greaves weren't worth much. Besides, I couldn't carry a lot of weight.

I also needed to save gold. I wondered how much a beautiful black horse like the one I saw the day before cost?

Finally, the stone was shrouded in darkness, save for the gentle flicker of my campfire. I touched it again, and was rewarded by a green mist that quickly engulfed me, then dissipated. In that moment, the nature of the shrine was revealed to me. It was called the Serpent Stone, and I had just learned the Dance of the Cobra.

It was a special power I could only use once a day, but by Mara, what it could do! Being confronted or cornered might be a little less scary now. "Oh thank you Acadian! I could just hug you. Well, um, I mean if I could see you that is."

The next morning, I left the Serpent Stone, retraced my steps somewhat and arrived at Leyawiin. There were lots of Argonians and Khajiit. I didn't understand why they seemed to dislike each other here. I didn't really know any Khajiit very well, but Argonians were a different matter. I adored City Swimmer and Kud-Ei. Some of the Argonians here though were saying terrible things about Khajiit.

I found a general store called Best Goods and Guarantees, run by a Bosmer named Gundalas. After selling off everything from my recent travels that I didn't need, I was pleasantly surprised how full my coin purse was becoming.

Once I arrived at the guild hall I met the leader of this chapter, an older Bosmer named Dagail. She seemed confused, and complained of voices in her head. I tried to talk to her about it, seeing as I could kind of identify with having a voice in my head. We really just couldn't communicate though.

A pleasant, but businesslike Nordic woman named Agata was the assistant guild head and seemed to be running things. She filled me in and suggested I talk to the other mages. It seemed Dagail's voices were controlled and focused by an amulet that had been lost or stolen. I noticed Kalthar's resentful attitude when he spoke of Dagail, but didn't think anything of it at the time.

I learned that Dagail's father, Manduin, had required and used a similar amulet. Perhaps, if I could recover Manduin's amulet from his tomb in Fort Blueblood, it could quiet Dagail's voices. I recalled passing Fort Blueblood in the Black Marsh during my recent visit to the Serpent Stone.

Clearing the fort had not been that hard. I had a strong bow, deadly poisons and could now sneak like a shadow. The marauders infesting the fort were also pretty spread out, so I could snipe them off one at a time. I was thankful that Daenlin had given me some bodkin tip arrows, as they were much more effective at penetrating heavier armor. Most of the marauders' equipment was too heavy to lug with me. I did pick up a few lightweight items that looked like they would sell for -

Buffy! Stop daydreaming. Shaking my head vigorously to clear it, I returned to my present plight.

So there I still was, in the bowels of Fort Blueblood staring at a dead guild mate - a whining, traitorous one, but a guild mate nevertheless. I knew just sitting there was not going to help, so I packed up and headed back to the guild, not sure what my reception might be.

Once I explained what had happened, it became clear my worries were not necessary. Agata and I agreed that Kalthar had probably stolen and disposed of Dagail's amulet, then tried to prevent me from recovering Manduin's amulet. She also assured me the guild would not hold Kalthar's death against me.

As Dagail donned her father's amulet, the change was dramatic. Confusion left the old Bosmer's face as a piercing wisdom filled her brown eyes. She calmly smiled and said, "Thank you my child. The voices have cleared. For that, you shall have my recommendation."

She then stared deeply into my eyes as if looking into my very soul. A flash of what looked like recognition turned into a smile and she spoke again, "Greetings Acadian, how long has it been? One hundred years or more? I would have expected to see you traipsing around with some young steel-clad paladin, or perhaps a strapping ranger. For you to be guiding such a fragile young elf is quite the surprise. You may find, in her company, that you learn as much as you teach."

Shocked, I managed to breathe the words, "y-you know Acadian?"

After gently pressing two fingers under my chin to close my mouth, she smiled and responded, "Older than Nirn he is, walking with adventurous spirits. Gently guiding paths, if you possess the wisdom to listen. Your mind is your own, child, and there will be hard choices ahead. Know this however - you do not travel alone. I grow tired now."

There was much to think about as I finished practicing my spell casting later that night. Despite the clean sheets, I felt rather creepy as I crawled into Kalthar's old bed in the basement. On one hand I felt badly that he had to die. On the other hand, I admitted to myself the thrilling exhilaration that I felt sinking my killing arrow into his chest. He had been mean to Dagail and to me. Is that what vengeance is? I enjoyed it - I think. Was that bad?

Before drifting off to sleep, my thoughts turned to Acadian and I smiled. After listening to Dagail that day, I felt as if a great weight had been lifted from me. I still didn't understand it all, but at least I was convinced now that I wasn't crazy. Further, it seemed Acadian and I belonged together. I helped Dagail see more clearly, and she had returned the favor. I knew now why Acadian had urged this trip.

This post has been edited by Acadian: Jul 1 2010, 05:19 PM

[haute ecole rider]

Men! "Acadian, if you had your way, I would sleep with full battle gear including a bow and quiver jammed into my back! Or more likely, would you have me never sleep at all? I know you worry, but that’s why I had Ita Rienus teach me how to disappear before we left Bravil. You know that every time I camp or bathe in the wilderness, I make sure I have that spell ready. That will allow the time I need to grab my bow if suddenly attacked. Now, mind your own business about what I do or do not wear!"

QFT! And very classic of Buffy! I hope Acadian didn't take offense at that little tirade from our skinny wood-elf!

Buffy's time in Leyawiin has been very helpful for me in writing my own version of the same quest. I hope I put Buffy's lessons on writing to good use in Chapter 19. She may be blonde, but she certainly isn't stupid!

Again I loved revisiting Leyawiin. While I'm not a fan of humid, warm climates (especially marshy ones), Buffy has taught me to appreciate the beauty that can be found only there.

[ureniashtram]

Voices in... Buffy's head? Well, I have one too! And (shrieks in pain and clutches his head tightly)... they.. They're urging me to comment on this wonderful story! Lol!

Really, I'm intrigued with Acadian guiding Buffy on her adventures. Too bad I didn't catch up.

Now that's over with, I eagerly await the next update, all the while listening to my iPod playing a certain song about 'Voices in my head'!