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> The Big "Commentasaurus"-thread, For those who want to comment on multiple stories at the same time!
minque
post Apr 20 2008, 03:18 PM
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THIS thread is meant to give us an option to comment on several stories and authors in one single post! Maybe we read two or three stories and then we'd like to give some overall comment on all of them instead of posting in each one of the story-threads!

Mark this: It's optional! You can choose whether you like to post here or in the original thread!!!!

********************************************************************************
*****


My first general comment will be this:

There's a lot of good work in the fanfic-section at the time being, it might be because of the latest contest, but nevertheless it's a sheer joy to visit the section and read all the nice stories. You really are a bunch of goos serious writers and I hope you find it as fun to write as I find it to read...

Keep up the good work, all of you! goodjob.gif salute.gif


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Chomh fada agus a bhionn daoine ah creiduint in aif�iseach, leanfaidh said na n-aingniomhi a choireamh (Voltaire)

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raggidman
post Apr 22 2008, 10:06 PM
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k - where are the short stories?
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redsrock
post Apr 23 2008, 03:07 AM
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QUOTE(raggidman @ Apr 22 2008, 10:06 PM) *

k - where are the short stories?

Umm.....the same board you posted in? tongue.gif
Seriously though, just take a look below this thread and all the stories are there. There's this one called "The Scroll, the Priest and the Angry Imperial". I can't remember the author, but I hear it's pretty cool..... wink.gif

This post has been edited by redsrock: Apr 23 2008, 03:08 AM


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*Hey everyone, TES Fiction is looking to revamp its very talented group of writers. So, if you love to write (TES or non-TES), come on over! Whether its stories, poems, song lyrics, etc, it doesn't matter!*
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Lord Revan
post Apr 23 2008, 03:49 AM
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You're a dirty, dirty liar Redsrock!!!! mad.gif You know good and well that's your story, otherwise you have short-term memory loss. dry.gif

This post has been edited by Lord Revan: Apr 23 2008, 03:50 AM
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Burnt Sierra
post Apr 23 2008, 07:14 AM
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I wonder if he means the short stories for the contest guys....

QUOTE(Lord Revan @ Apr 23 2008, 03:49 AM) *

You're a dirty, dirty liar Redsrock!!!! mad.gif You know good and well that's your story, otherwise you have short-term memory loss. dry.gif


Please only be joking by that comment. Like Redsrock was with his - hence the wink at the end of his post. I assume you are only joking though...
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redsrock
post Apr 23 2008, 11:11 AM
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Well, just so I don't make anyone angry (I'm still not sure if I did or not), I'll comment on someone else's peice. Lord Veneficus' story is always good. He's doing a good job of balancing out dialogue and body-text, and he's getting a lot better at "showing", rather than "telling.

This post has been edited by redsrock: Apr 23 2008, 11:12 AM


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*Hey everyone, TES Fiction is looking to revamp its very talented group of writers. So, if you love to write (TES or non-TES), come on over! Whether its stories, poems, song lyrics, etc, it doesn't matter!*
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treydog
post Apr 23 2008, 12:18 PM
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One very general comment- be aware of pacing. By that, I mean there is no need to rush the story. An installment does need to add something, but it doesn't always have to be "action". Sometimes, it is worthwhile to slow down and develop the character(s).


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The Metal Mallet
post Apr 24 2008, 08:42 PM
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Comment to self: Man I need to get writing again!

Comment to writers: Damn, I got a reading ahead of me! Though I can't wait to delve into this stuff.


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I am currently a Writer in The Order of Schola.
Official Fan Fiction Forum "Commentasaurus"

"This body, holding me makes me feel eternal. All this pain is an illusion" - Parabola (Tool)
"This here ain't called boasting, it's called truthin' " - Mango Kid (Danko Jones)
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minque
post Apr 26 2008, 08:09 AM
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Here we go again, just came back from a short trip and found a lot of updates and new stories. I'm currently going trough them all, and I must say there's a lot of creativity among the ppl here. What I've read so far pleases me a lot and I'll try to comment in the threads later on.



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Chomh fada agus a bhionn daoine ah creiduint in aif�iseach, leanfaidh said na n-aingniomhi a choireamh (Voltaire)

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Lord Revan
post Apr 26 2008, 05:09 PM
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Of course I was, it seemed a little too over the top to be serious.

And I've really got to start reading again. I commend Treydog for Blood on the Moon's elegance of comedy and plot. goodjob.gif
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Alexander
post May 3 2008, 06:27 PM
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I've got a general tip, something I noticed in some of the stories I read for the competition.

Be careful when using common every day expressions in your story. Many of the expressions we use are not logical at all to be in a world such as Nirn.

Some examples;
"bullmanure" (well the term was slightly different but I'm sure you catch my drift wink.gif )
I don't believe I've once seen or heard about bulls being in Tamriel or anywhere else in Nirn.

"Not the ritz" when speaking about lavish accommodations. I'm sure the person was referring to a fancy hotel chain, but I don't believe a hotel like the Ritz-carlton orso could be found in Tamriel wink.gif

etc.


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Jordy
post May 3 2008, 10:45 PM
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I think it's a very good point to be careful of using real-world slang and metaphors that don't make sense in the context of the ES world.

Though actually there were plenty of cows in Daggerfall, so maybe that particular expression isn't too out of context...
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Lord Veneficus
post May 4 2008, 12:33 AM
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QUOTE(redsrock @ Apr 23 2008, 05:11 AM) *

Well, just so I don't make anyone angry (I'm still not sure if I did or not), I'll comment on someone else's peice. Lord Veneficus' story is always good. He's doing a good job of balancing out dialogue and body-text, and he's getting a lot better at "showing", rather than "telling.

Thanks, man. I shall return the favor. Your stories are very interesting and I see everything you say.


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redsrock
post May 4 2008, 01:17 AM
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Thanks, bud, I meant everything I said.


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*Hey everyone, TES Fiction is looking to revamp its very talented group of writers. So, if you love to write (TES or non-TES), come on over! Whether its stories, poems, song lyrics, etc, it doesn't matter!*
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paragenic
post May 4 2008, 07:35 AM
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QUOTE(Jordy @ May 3 2008, 11:45 PM) *

Though actually there were plenty of cows in Daggerfall, so maybe that particular expression isn't too out of context...


After a particularly scary trip through a dungeon in Daggerfall where I had barely escaped with my life, I returned to my city and found it was covered in a morning mist. As I made my way to the temple to get the disease from me cured (diseases in Daggerfall could actually kill you if they weren't cured quickly, not like the silly diseases of Oblivion that just cause a nuisance) I passed a house with a cow in its garden. When the cow said 'moo' I physically felt relieved in the real world behind my computer, for this was proof I was back in civilization and there wouldn't be some vampire jumping out to get me.

I will never forget cows in Daggerfall. Since that event every time I saw one and especially heard one I remember feeling safe. Cities in Morowind and Oblivion are noisy, in Daggerfall the cities are silent and all you hear (all I remember hearing) is the moo, neigh, oink, woof, and meow of the static cows, horses, pigs, doggies, and cats sprinkled throughout the city.

Incidentally, the ingredient beef is present in the Oblivion game, and this has to come from a cow, and if there's cows, there's got to be bulls somewhere... I know I'm a city boy, so someone correct me if I'm wrong, but that's how I thought it worked... blink.gif Beef comes from cows, right? And you need a bull to impregnate a cow, right? wacko.gif



This post has been edited by paragenic: May 4 2008, 07:36 AM
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The Metal Mallet
post May 4 2008, 08:02 AM
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Plus, you could potentially claim a Minotaur as a bull of some type. Perhaps that's the manure they are speaking of wink.gif


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I am currently a Writer in The Order of Schola.
Official Fan Fiction Forum "Commentasaurus"

"This body, holding me makes me feel eternal. All this pain is an illusion" - Parabola (Tool)
"This here ain't called boasting, it's called truthin' " - Mango Kid (Danko Jones)
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paragenic
post May 4 2008, 08:21 AM
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QUOTE(Alexander @ May 3 2008, 07:27 PM) *

I've got a general tip, something I noticed in some of the stories I read for the competition.

Be careful when using common every day expressions in your story. Many of the expressions we use are not logical at all to be in a world such as Nirn.

Some examples;
"bullmanure" (well the term was slightly different but I'm sure you catch my drift wink.gif )
I don't believe I've once seen or heard about bulls being in Tamriel or anywhere else in Nirn.

"Not the ritz" when speaking about lavish accommodations. I'm sure the person was referring to a fancy hotel chain, but I don't believe a hotel like the Ritz-carlton orso could be found in Tamriel wink.gif

etc.


Okay this is actually a very difficult topic. There are clear-cut cultural references of an obvious kind that are simply out of place, like saying "Maervin's plans for the new castle in Chorrol would put the Taj Mahal to shame" and there are anachronisms that are discontinuous with TES, like saying "Kud-Ei sighed as she threw the rag into the sink 'Varon Vamori!' she shouted. 'Did you use all the hot water again?'" smile.gif and there are things that are just wrong, like referring to "Tuesday" or "November".

But we know very little of the lingo of this world. Certainly I can't imagine that with all the races, all the classes, all the factions, the nobility, the daedra worshippers, the academia, the legion, the merchants, the pirates, the young, the old, the rich, the poor, the beggars... I would expect in such a setting the language to be bursting with colourful phrases. Instead it seems like everyone says "by the nine!". This is ridiculous!

In Daggerfall you had streetwise, etiquette, orcish, harpy, and mercantile, and in general there was a lot more text. In Oblivion all that is left is "speechcraft" and "mercantile". This limits the authors of any fan-fiction (and I would say that all the words in the fan fiction competition would easily be more than the number of words used in the actual game) in their attempts to produce color.

I am not one of the judges of the competition, but I am conscious of the barren lexicon of colorful in-game expressions from which the authors have to paint a picture for us of any of the many in-game factions or social groups. And I would certainly advocate a leniency and freedom for the authors to create color for us to compensate for the lack thereof in the game.






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Burnt Sierra
post May 4 2008, 08:53 AM
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QUOTE(paragenic @ May 4 2008, 08:21 AM) *



Okay this is actually a very difficult topic. There are clear-cut cultural references of an obvious kind that are simply out of place, like saying "Maervin's plans for the new castle in Chorrol would put the Taj Mahal to shame" and there are anachronisms that are discontinuous with TES, like saying "Kud-Ei sighed as she threw the rag into the sink 'Varon Vamori!' she shouted. 'Did you use all the hot water again?'" smile.gif and there are things that are just wrong, like referring to "Tuesday" or "November".

But we know very little of the lingo of this world. Certainly I can't imagine that with all the races, all the classes, all the factions, the nobility, the daedra worshippers, the academia, the legion, the merchants, the pirates, the young, the old, the rich, the poor, the beggars... I would expect in such a setting the language to be bursting with colourful phrases. Instead it seems like everyone says "by the nine!". This is ridiculous!

In Daggerfall you had streetwise, etiquette, orcish, harpy, and mercantile, and in general there was a lot more text. In Oblivion all that is left is "speechcraft" and "mercantile". This limits the authors of any fan-fiction (and I would say that all the words in the fan fiction competition would easily be more than the number of words used in the actual game) in their attempts to produce color.

I am not one of the judges of the competition, but I am conscious of the barren lexicon of colorful in-game expressions from which the authors have to paint a picture for us of any of the many in-game factions or social groups. And I would certainly advocate a leniency and freedom for the authors to create color for us to compensate for the lack thereof in the game.


Interesting points there. However for me all of those can be answered with one word. Consistency. In fiction of any kind, but especially those which require world building, you have to remain consistent to the world and to the rest of your story. We've all read stories where the charaters are talking like courtier's one minute, and the next like L.A. valley girls.
"My lady, I cannot lie to you any more." She curtsied in front of me, the long silk evening gown getting caught under her feet. She'd dressed early, the banquet wasn't till tonight. "It was I who spoke to the Count in the gardens."
"I am like, totally tripping out here man." I pulled my Ray Bans off angrily, and reached for the bottle of Jacks on the table, filling a glass almost to the top before adding a little splash of Coca Cola ™, "I don't get you girlfriend, you used to be solid!"

Jokey example, but you get my point. We haven't set rules for this, but the way I'm judging is to look for consistency. If something jumps out at me as a glaring inconsistency, it's a bad thing. It pulls me out of the flow of the story and whatever momentum has been built up is lost, and after a prolongued bout of eye rolling, when I get back to the story it's hard to capture the emotional state I had been in. From that point of view alone it gets the thumbs down. It purely depends on how the language fits with the rest of what's written.
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Alexander
post May 4 2008, 09:07 AM
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QUOTE(paragenic @ May 4 2008, 08:35 AM) *

<snip>

QUOTE(The Metal Mallet @ May 4 2008, 09:02 AM) *

Plus, you could potentially claim a Minotaur as a bull of some type. Perhaps that's the manure they are speaking of wink.gif


Ok, ok. I'll admit, I haven't played Daggerfall so I didn't know that.

I'll rephrase my advice, I'd say it's important before letting a character use something, that you look and see if the phrase would be logical for them. For instance, a Dunmer, who's never in his life set foot outside of Morrowind, hardly seems logical when using a word like bull manure.


QUOTE(paragenic @ May 4 2008, 09:21 AM) *

Okay this is actually a very difficult topic. There are clear-cut cultural references of an obvious kind that are simply out of place, like saying "Maervin's plans for the new castle in Chorrol would put the Taj Mahal to shame" and there are anachronisms that are discontinuous with TES, like saying "Kud-Ei sighed as she threw the rag into the sink 'Varon Vamori!' she shouted. 'Did you use all the hot water again?'" smile.gif and there are things that are just wrong, like referring to "Tuesday" or "November".

But we know very little of the lingo of this world. Certainly I can't imagine that with all the races, all the classes, all the factions, the nobility, the daedra worshippers, the academia, the legion, the merchants, the pirates, the young, the old, the rich, the poor, the beggars... I would expect in such a setting the language to be bursting with colourful phrases. Instead it seems like everyone says "by the nine!". This is ridiculous!

In Daggerfall you had streetwise, etiquette, orcish, harpy, and mercantile, and in general there was a lot more text. In Oblivion all that is left is "speechcraft" and "mercantile". This limits the authors of any fan-fiction (and I would say that all the words in the fan fiction competition would easily be more than the number of words used in the actual game) in their attempts to produce color.

I am not one of the judges of the competition, but I am conscious of the barren lexicon of colorful in-game expressions from which the authors have to paint a picture for us of any of the many in-game factions or social groups. And I would certainly advocate a leniency and freedom for the authors to create color for us to compensate for the lack thereof in the game.


Good reasoning, though I don't entirely agree.

While I realize Oblivion hasn't given us much in terms of expressions and terms and such, I believe any author whose imagination is rich enough to create a great story like the ones I've read, both for the competition and otherwise, would be creative enough to come up with their own lingo rather then simply copying what we use in every day. I can think of an easy way even; simply think of the things we'd use, and transport those to things someone in Tamriel would use, making use of animals, or things similar to our world.

Examples for Morrowind;
bull manure could be Guar Droppings
By god could be by azura
Son of a b.... could be Son of a mudcrab/dog/guar/cliffracer/(insert animal)
And that's not counting things that were given to us like N'wah, Fetcher etc which all seem similar to lingo we might use in real life. Well some of us anyway wink.gif

Same for Cyrodiil;
Guar droppings could be horse manure
By god, could be By Talos
etc.

I guess that's all I'm saying, a little creativity and ingenuity rather then simply copying something smile.gif


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Burnt Sierra
post May 5 2008, 03:54 PM
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Well this thread is a very good idea after all. Can I just say that I'm unable to post replies on fanfics being posted at the minute due to judging responsibilities. As soon as I've finished though, I will be back to posting responses. I just didn't want anyone thinking I'd abandoned them or their stories smile.gif
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