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> No Elves in Sovngarde Book Two, NEIS continued
Elisabeth Hollow
post Mar 31 2013, 02:00 PM
Post #21


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Guys... You're a day "late," calm down XD


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King Coin
post Mar 31 2013, 04:05 PM
Post #22


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… to become the most humane vampire there was. Never killing if I could help it, and never turning anyone.
I wonder how many other vampires there are like this. I wonder how many tried and failed.

"Good godth, they're enormouth! Why are they tho big??"
rollinglaugh.gif

That Breton has some nerve to just sit there. Aaand here I thought Emelia was paying attention. Oops.


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Grits
post Apr 1 2013, 12:40 AM
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QUOTE
"We have to fix that. No one will take you seriously if you keep talkiing like that." She motioned me closer to the orc. I began to walk to her, but a sound caught my ear. A heartbeat. My head swiveled to the other bandit. A Breton man, mid twenties, with dark brown hair. I sniffed the air. He was scared. That delighted me for a moment.

The whole part with the Breton was great. She likes men who are smart enough to pretend to be under Emelia’s spell, and here’s this guy that she might have liked but now really wants but doesn’t want to want that way. And meanwhile he and the orc commence to beat the snot out of them. Love it!


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treydog
post Apr 1 2013, 12:46 AM
Post #24


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Still working toward being caught up- but then- I will be caught up- which will mean you have to write more.

Chapter 9- Wow. Just that. Wow. Which follows on, of course, from the goggle-eyed gasping that I did over the fight in the vampire lair.

QUOTE
"You cannot have this."


That- was... yes.

I know I am late to the party and probably circumstances will change things- but I really want to stake Onmund out on an anthill- after smearing him with honey. “Mead, is it? I will give you MEAD!”

And hooray for Lydia!

The whole chapter is simply remarkable. You have this way of writing with an immediacy and a realism (which- yes, I know it is a fantasy setting but that’s the POINT) that hold the reader enthralled. (Checks Liz photo for signs of mind-control magic… hmmmm).

Chapter 10.1- Again, Kayla’s emotional healing, as well as her determination to move forward ring true. Heart-breakingly so.

QUOTE
I poked my flat belly and realized I was getting soft. I felt a brief pang of sadness and a ghost of movement.


As for example- THAT.

Hmm- paralyze poison. It WOULD make staking Onmund to that anthill easier…

Chapter 10.2- The talking at cross-purposes between husband and wife was… pitch perfect. And again- the REALITY of an unequal relationship. I am willing to see his point to an extent. But ONLY to an extent. But it rather reminds me of what Mrs. Treydog said a LONG time ago. “If you see someone you think you want more- go ahead. But you had better tell me first. And you had better be SURE- because we will be DONE.” And 25 years on- here we are.


Chapter 11- As to “moar fighting- ARRRGH”… a phrase we throw around a lot here is “character-driven story.” And you have got that concept down to a science. The “action” will come in its place- and I know it will be quite as good as the character-building.

Trey sure does recognize the conflict behind that journal entry. Of course- he was a lot whinier about it…

Clever elf to dodge that “special brew.” Skyrim Safety Tip (Number 2 of a Series)- DO NOT take “special” drinks from strange beings you meet in- taverns, inns, caves, barrows, lonely cottages on deserted moors, &c (see addendum for complete list).

QUOTE
"I don't call it a vampire blade," Onmund sniffed. "I just call it 'The First Weapon I Have Ever Enchanted Alone.' Or Fwihea for short." He pronounced it "fweh."


Yes. Most definitely a Nord.

The scene of the--- debauch- and Kayla’s reaction to it- where simply marvelous. You had me laughing, while I was also intensely feeling her discomfort.


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The dreams down here aren't broken, nah, they're walkin' with a limp...

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jack cloudy
post Apr 1 2013, 07:48 PM
Post #25


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Some lovely humour here and that Breton sure thought quick. It also goes to show that having an actual child as your mentor, one who is probably pretty new to the whole vampiring herself, isn't the best option.


And just after the fun and things were starting to look up, badness strikes again. If there is a Daedric prince of bad luck and misery, Kayla must be an unwilling but helpless follower.


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treydog
post Apr 1 2013, 09:46 PM
Post #26


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From: The Smoky Mountains



[quote]"There's something you should know first. My real name isn't Kayla. It's Nisse."[/quote]

Hmmm. Wonder if this is going to be the truth- or another cover story. Guess I shall have to RAFO, as I tell Mrs. Treydog.

Oh- yes. “Read And Find Out”.

The memory is quite wonderfully drawn- the younger Nisse’s view of her world and its people is brilliant. And another vote for finding Old Bear slightly creepy.

[quote]"He's always been like that. He's always hated anything not human."

I sat up. "I'm not human? Am I a monster, Ma?"[/quote]

Um. Yes- well, she may be a wonderful mother in most ways, but I guess “tact” got left out.

Eeva’s theft is probably not going to have a happy result.

[quote]"He's here!" She whispered frantically. "He wants me to follow him! Nisse, I'm so scared!"[/quote]

Oh dear.

[quote]I got hurt! That means the game stops!" I called out. She peeked over the roof.

"It's a scratch. Doesn't count!"

I grunted at her furiously. "I have splinters!"[/quote]

It’s only counts if it’s bleeding…. Yeah- I remember THAT “rule.”

[quote]Run, I told my body. RUN. But nothing happened.

That was the last thing I remembered.[/quote]

Sooo glad I am reading this in the bright light of day. That’s all I am saying. Not a scaredy-rat- nope- not me. I LIKE to sleep with lots of lights on. I’ve ALWAYS done that.

[quote]"You got very lucky, little one," I heard a familiar voice. "I don't know how you got away from whatever animal attacked that girl with just a small bite, but you got lucky."[/quote]

Oh crap.

[quote]"Madam, you have two other children who need you. Let us take care of the worst one right now." [/quote]

Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Oh crap.

[quote]"How many children are sick?" Talon asked.

"All of them."[/quote]

Many bad words. Family forum- so use your imagination.

[quote]I feel like my writing is declining in substance and worth, sooo... I don't know. I'll keep on trying to improve.[/quote]

Don’t MAKE me stop this car… Oh, wait. Wrong metaphor.

[quote]I loaded up my fire and let out a war-squeak and hurled the fire as hard as I could.[/quote]

And yes- you can manage humor even in the midst of this. And thank you for that.

[quote]I ran into the forest, out of town, weeping. Weeping for my parents, my sisters, even my uncle. Weeping for the children who only wanted to grow up and become adventurers, wives, fathers, farmers, merchants.

But mostly, I wept for myself and how alone I was.[/quote]

Excellent and sad and wrenching.

[quote]"Asta, NO!" I shrieked. Asta giggled as I ran to Onmund, trying to stave off the blood flow from his neck. Onmund gurgled, his eyes already glassy. His body convulsed in my arms. Asta fled.

"HELP! " I screamed. "SOMEBODY HELP!"

Onmund was gone long before the guards came.[/quote]

I… will be… over HERE. In this corner. With my stuffed toy. He will protect me. And a flashlight. Yep. Need one of those too.

[quote]Lydia still looked confused. "WHY are we heading to Rorikstead?"

"I need advice on how to kill my 9 year old sister."

Lydia's eyes looked like they were pop out of her head.

"Well, kill her AGAIN, I mean." I added. Lydia's face paled.[/quote]

OK fine. So I couldn’t stay away. So sue me.


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The dreams down here aren't broken, nah, they're walkin' with a limp...

The best-dressed newt in Mournhold.
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Darkness Eternal
post Apr 1 2013, 11:49 PM
Post #27


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From: Coldharbour



The adventures of Kayla the vampire slayer continue!

Prologue:

Kayla's commentary here was excellent. Well-written and indeed sounding much like her. I imagine her Nordic accent here. The idea of a vampiric army made of young girls is . . .heh . . .insane! I can't imagine hundreds of Babette's stalking the wilderness with sob stories made to lure prey!

The search for Asta shall begin and hopefully Kayla will have the revenge she seeks!

Chapter 1:

Kayla doesn't like manly men? No meat-heads for her, then. Nice humor here. Never would have imagined fangs made vampires sound like that. So she sounds like an Altmeri girl with a Nordic lisp?

I liked how Kayla felt here about killing the bandit. Even though he was a criminal and that might have placed him on the rather easy list of "best type of prey vampires should kill," he nevertheless might have as family and of course, became a robber do to misfortune in his life.

And she should've allowed her vampiric thirst to lead her to prey. The Orsimer proved to be the enemy as always. Remember Kayla, sooner or later the thirst always wins! laugh.gif





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And yet I am, and live—like vapours tossed.
I long for scenes where man hath never trod
A place where woman never smiled or wept
There to abide with my Creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept,
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie
The grass below—above the vaulted sky.”
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Colonel Mustard
post Apr 2 2013, 04:00 PM
Post #28


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From: The darkest pit of your soul. Hi there!



The entire exchange involving the lisping fangs and how to feed cracked me up no end; this is probably the first scene I've ever seen/read that raises this problem, and I've decided that it must from now on be mandatory for all media involving freshly-turned vampires.

DE, I know you like vampires, so you keep that in mind! wink.gif
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Elisabeth Hollow
post Apr 2 2013, 04:15 PM
Post #29


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From: Texas



QUOTE(Colonel Mustard @ Apr 2 2013, 10:00 AM) *

The entire exchange involving the lisping fangs and how to feed cracked me up no end; this is probably the first scene I've ever seen/read that raises this problem, and I've decided that it must from now on be mandatory for all media involving freshly-turned vampires.

DE, I know you like vampires, so you keep that in mind! wink.gif

Really? No one has ever pieced together that there's two giant pieces of bone inyour mouth and it will make you talk funny? Hmmm lol


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Colonel Mustard
post Apr 2 2013, 04:26 PM
Post #30


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From: The darkest pit of your soul. Hi there!



QUOTE(Elisabeth Hollow @ Apr 2 2013, 04:15 PM) *

QUOTE(Colonel Mustard @ Apr 2 2013, 10:00 AM) *

The entire exchange involving the lisping fangs and how to feed cracked me up no end; this is probably the first scene I've ever seen/read that raises this problem, and I've decided that it must from now on be mandatory for all media involving freshly-turned vampires.

DE, I know you like vampires, so you keep that in mind! wink.gif

Really? No one has ever pieced together that there's two giant pieces of bone inyour mouth and it will make you talk funny? Hmmm lol

I think most authors were more focussed on how much brooding their vampire protagonists needed to do instead. tongue.gif
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Elisabeth Hollow
post Apr 2 2013, 06:02 PM
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I'm so glad everyone enjoyed the fangs thing! I was laughing so hard writing it, and my husband was like "What?" and I would go "THITH ITH THOOOOO FUNNY!"

The look he gave me, lmfao!

Treydog, you need to catch up! Hurry! HURRY!!! XD

And welcome, DE! Maybe this book will be more to your liking? XD

And to those who think they're late when they read-Shush. For real. You're fine. Look at treydog and DE. Reading when an entire book is done. One or two or ten chapters behind won't kill me. Calm down XD

CHAPTER TWO


Erik's sword sliced through the neck in nearly one swing. The vampire gurgled, her hair stuck and matted on her face with her own blood, covering her mouth and nose. She fell with a hard thud. Uthgerd patted his back.

"Good job. That's another nest." The tall Nord female wiped away the sweat from her forehead with a steel-plated hand. Her eyes traveled around the dark cavern, lit up only by torches on the walls, and one roaring fire in the center. They hadn't found Asta's nest this time, but Uthgerd felt like they were close. Where others saw sheer madness, she saw desperation. She glanced at Mjoll, the other blonde Nord wiping her blade, Grimsever, clean.

"Mjoll, first watch tonight?"

"Sure." Mjoll wiped her brow with her also steel-plated hand. The two Nordic women were similar in the regards that they were both female and wore the same type of armor. Where Mjoll was blonde, Uthgerd had a tinge of red to her locks, giving her the look of a strawberry-blonde. Uthgerd's green eyes were hard and unforgiving, whilst Mjoll's blue eyes shone with compassion. Uthgerd turned her nose up at the vampires while Mjoll shook her head in sadness.

"These were children," she said to herself. She glanced at Erik. The red-maned barbarian was wiping his sword clean silently, his blue eyes focused on the silver blade.

"You say that every nest, Mjoll," Uthgerd said. She looked down at Mjoll over her nose. "When are you going to grow a thick skin?"

"The day she gets used to putting a sword into the heart of a child is the day she leaves this group," Erik snapped. The sharp ice of Erik's glare peirced the hardened green of Uthgerd's nearly unwavering gaze. She huffed and began cleaning her axe. Mjoll sheathed her sword and put a hand on Erik's shoulder.

"Thank you."

"No need." Erik ignored Mjoll's hand on his shoulder, continuing to wipe his blade clean. "I'll take first watch. You get some sleep."

"You know I can't sleep after a raid."

"Then we watch together."

The unhappy trio pulled the bodies out one by one and burned them, allowing them the luxery of a nearly stenchless cave. Nearly. Mjoll and Erik sat near the entrance of the cave, Erik watching one side while she watched the other.

Mjoll was startled when Erik spoke. "How's Aerin?" He asked politely. Not wanting the night to be completely silent, she thought to herself.

She responded nonchalantly, "He's fine. Worried sick about me. He acts as if I can't defend myself. He has seen me bash a thief's head into a rail and kick him into the canal, and he still asks me if I'm alright." Mjoll chuckles.

Erik was silent for a moment. "Don't write him off."

"What?"

"Don't write the guy off." He turned towards her, but wasn't quite looking at her. He searched her face, but looked disappointed in what he saw. His normally icy blue eyes misted for a moment. He blinked. Gone. He turned away again.

"When a man cares like that for you, you should give him a chance. Maybe you'll be surprised."

"He's not my type."

"And what is your type, Mjoll? You've never told me in the year that we've traveled together. A strong warrior, maybe? Or a mage with enough power to crumble cities? Certainly not a common man." He added under his breath, "Not a common farmer."

Mjoll's eyebrow knitted together. "Are we still talking about Aerin?"

"Nevermind."

Mjoll let out an exasperated breath. She turned her eyes to the starlit sky. She took in a deep breath of crisp, cool air and allowed her mind to wander.

Erik kept his eyes trained on the terrain below. The stench from the cave was burning in his nostrils still. He wiped his nose on the back of his hand and groaned in frustration when he realized he still had vampire gore on the back of his hand. He choked back a coughing fit and pulled on the shirt under his armor and wiped his face with it.

He looked back at Mjoll, but she didn't appear to have heard him. He turned back to the swampy terrain. He remembered a story Kayla had told him when she first came to Rorikstead and stayed at his father's inn. He had scoffed at her when she offered to train him, but she said "That is fine. I wouldn't want someone who killed the Dark Brotherhood to train me either."

Erik had done a double-take and stared at her grinning face. Many soldiers who had came through had told stories of the elf who had came to Dragon Bridge with a bag full of heads claiming they were the last remaining members of the Dark Brotherhood. A smile crept up on his face at the memory.

Erik had dismissed her and waved her off as mad. Later that night, three men attacked their inn, knocking his father out and taunting Erik. The closest thing Erik had to a sword at the time was the dagger his father kept under the counter for those who didn't need to be told twice. These men wanted bloodshed.

Kayla had lured one man into her bedroom and knocked him out, while the other two she had taken out with a firebolt to the face. Kayla had pulled Erik up and he realized that even though he was tall, she was still taller than him by half a head. He suddenly saw all of the scars on her, with her armor not covering them. She had mirth in her eyes and teased him about wanting to be an adventurer, but couldn't even take care of some low-life bandits.

Their training had started the next day. Kayla was not a "practice paddling on the safety of land" type. She was a "throw you in the water and see if you could figure it out," but not with cruelty. She critiqued his form and threw pointers while they fought wolves, and at the end of the week, she offered to pay for his armor. She said he had great potential, and could see him being a wonderful partner for another adventurer. Erik's heart had leapt with joy.

While her own armor was being repaired, she stayed at the Frostfruit Inn, laughing with his father over a glass of wine. She seemed more amiable and loose at this time, and Erik's father saw the look he gave her and stood up, slapping his hand on the table.

"I need to go clean a few dishes. I'll be back later."

Kayla had waved to Mralki and trained her eyes in Erik. That ever-shining look of mirth in her eyes was intensified by the alcohol. She gave him a half smile and pointed at him to take a seat. He did, and she rested her chin on her hands and gave him an odd look.

"What?" he had asked.

"Nothing," she said, smiling. "You're doing so well with training, and I think that you'll be ready by the time I leave."

"By the time YOU leave? I'm not coming with you?"

She shook her head, the smile gone. "I work alone, Erik. I always have. But," She reached under the table and put her hand on his leg. "There's no reason why we can't leave on good terms."

Erik glanced at the table, the color in his face rising. He saw she had only had three glasses of wine and figured it would not be enough to alter her thinking. He pulled her up and lead her to his room, the only room with a door. He had heard couples make love plenty of times in their stay at the inn, in the wee hours of the morning when no one else was awake, and he thought he recognized the sounds well enough to figure she was satisfied. She was quiet and demure during, blushing and making delighted gasps. Erik supposed that for his first time, he had done a good job.

Kayla had fallen asleep soon after they were finished, and Erik fell asleep as well. When he had awoken a few hours later, Kayla was awake, her clothes back on but her hair still disheveled. She gave him another odd look before shaking her head and leaving his room. She left the next morning without a word.

At that time, Erik was confused. He had learned later on that Nord woman can handle their alcohol much better than Elven women, and Kayla was not just tipsy, she was one sip away from being smashed. Erik had chastised himself for letting his lower head do his thinking for him. His course of action would have been much different had he known.

He snapped out of his memory when the scrape and clank of Uthger's armor could be heard, getting up, like always, early for her shift. He looked behind him and Mjoll was already heading down the cave entrance, her blue eyes blinking sleepily. Erik nodded to Uthgerd and she took Mjoll's spot, her green eyes never leaving the terrain. Erik sighed and walked down the cave entrance, hoping to get some sleep.

This post has been edited by Elisabeth Hollow: Apr 2 2013, 06:09 PM


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treydog
post Apr 2 2013, 07:30 PM
Post #32


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Joined: 13-February 05
From: The Smoky Mountains



QUOTE
Treydog, you need to catch up! Hurry! HURRY!!! XD


Yeah yeah. You just like that funny "sproiingggg- oing- oing glinkle inkle" sound the Quot-a-Matic ™ makes when it overheats and spunges the widget.

But- I am also reading- just need to do the standard maintenance on the machine...

Machine all oiled and shiny. So..

QUOTE
I would rather have the searing pain of hate than the crushing weight of sadness


QUOTE
I kept my eyes on Onmund's body, intent on watching the very last flame die out. To make sure he did not come back to me.


Sad and true and terrible.


QUOTE
I kept it short and sweet. Apparently telling the whole tale caused the listener to die a horrible death.


Funny- I have had people fake death or serious illness to get me to stop telling a story…

Simply love the effortless way you work Ma’Dat’s Khajiiti gestures into the descriptions.

I rolled my eyes. "Erik is still green, and needs some practice with his sword."

QUOTE
A dry chuckle escaped from Ma'Dat, and I realized the double-meaning behind what I said.

"Gods, no! That's not what I-!" I turned crimson, and swatted at Ma'Dat. "You mangy old cat!


There are passages that just sing- like that one.

QUOTE
Have you mourned?"

The question startled me. "I've cried all I needed to."

"That's not what I asked, Kayla. If you don't mourn, you will get ill."


Sometimes, those we think still need "seasoning" hold the knowledge and experience we most need.

QUOTE
"Except this time, you can't carry me out of the cellar. I have to climb out and fight the monsters myself."


Um- yes. And that is perhaps the thing I resent most about being “grown up.”

QUOTE
"You can't make demands! I've got you on the ground!"

"Oh yes I can! TELL ME!"


Felt almost like a Buffy the Vampire Slayer moment there.

And thank the Nine for Ma’Dat!




This post has been edited by treydog: Apr 3 2013, 12:24 AM


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The dreams down here aren't broken, nah, they're walkin' with a limp...

The best-dressed newt in Mournhold.
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King Of Beasts
post Apr 2 2013, 10:29 PM
Post #33


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So Erik, Mjoll, and Uthgred have been vampire hunting, eh? Lets hope they don't kill the wrong vampire....


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Rise, rise! To freedom, rise! Arise, ye Breton sons and daughters. Ride, ride! To freedom, ride! Truth and glory to the brave!
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mALX
post Apr 3 2013, 09:22 AM
Post #34


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From: Cyrodiil, the Wastelands, and BFE TN





First off, WOOOOOOOOOT !!! Mjoll and Aerin! I love those two! There are like 200 vids on Youtube of men who married Mjoll and had Aerin show up on the doorstep a few days later, and then suddenly Mjoll was sleeping in Aerin's bed instead of her husband's, ROFL !!!!! Love those kind of things in game!

Uthgerd was the first female to make an impression on me in Skyrim, I almost quit playing, ROFL !!! She makes Lydia seem sweet and pleasant. If you can befriend her she is pretty nice, but her AI is so glitched you never know what she is going to do next, ROFL !!!

You picked some Awesome characters here, and of course I gotta love Erik - we talked about him when we first started communicating over at the FF site.

GAAAAAAH!!! So Kayla had Erik's first, huh? Well, he def remembers it! That was an interesting little tidbit, I wonder what significance it will have in the rest of the story? Awesome Write!




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Acadian
post Apr 3 2013, 01:34 PM
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A neat glimpse at the vampire hunting trio!

Also, an interesting view of Kayla from Erik’s perspective. Poor Kayla, smashed on three glasses of wine. But how was Erik to know? Especially after this:

‘Kayla had lured one man into her bedroom and knocked him out’ tongue.gif

We can see now, why Erik pines a bit for Kayla. I hope their next meeting goes better.


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McBadgere
post Apr 6 2013, 09:40 AM
Post #36


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Not a great shock when I say that that was amazing... biggrin.gif ...

The three characters work brilliantly together...I love Mjoll, she's so sweet...

I also loved that line with Erik and the...Oh wait, I'll find it... laugh.gif ...

QUOTE
"These were children," she said to herself.

"You say that every nest, Mjoll," Uthgerd said, "When are you going to grow a thick skin?"

"The day she gets used to putting a sword into the heart of a child is the day she leaves this group," Erik snapped. The sharp ice of Erik's glare peirced the hardened green of Uthgerd's nearly unwavering gaze.


That was just epically brilliant...Sent the shivers up the spine...Erik is now my hero!! biggrin.gif ...

And then the quiet watch...*Applauds*...

Loving this story... wub.gif ...

Nice one!!!...

*Applauds heartily*...
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Darkness Eternal
post Apr 6 2013, 02:22 PM
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QUOTE(Colonel Mustard @ Apr 2 2013, 04:26 PM) *

I think most authors were more focussed on how much brooding their vampire protagonists needed to do instead. tongue.gif

Hehe. Not all of them. I added some humor in my story. Such as when Raven began tossing rotten severed body parts at her older brother from within a coffin just to bug him. Overly brooding characters are boring, I agree.

Now, Elizabeth, I loved the update!

You have some skill writing battle scenes. Keep it up and you can write an amazing yarn! Mjoll! Quite a fiery woman that one! Love her and her axe!

Vampire hunters, eh? And fearsome, but funny ones, at that. I do recall Kayla having a weakness to wine . . .laugh.gif

QUOTE
She had mirth in her eyes and teased him about wanting to be an adventurer, but couldn't even take care of some low-life bandits.

But then he would take an arrow to the . . .nevermind.

The trio is deadly. Loved this chapter! I admit I'm liking Kayla more than before. I want to see how she copes with this situation!



--------------------
And yet I am, and live—like vapours tossed.
I long for scenes where man hath never trod
A place where woman never smiled or wept
There to abide with my Creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept,
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie
The grass below—above the vaulted sky.”
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treydog
post Apr 6 2013, 07:24 PM
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And we are finished with book one. Will need to have a lie-down after that, but first must fire up the Quot-a-Matic ™

Poor Erik and the Bucket of Doom.

And I really like the fact that this “dance” with Asta is not a simple one-way pursuit. The thing Kayla needs to remember when hunting a predator- THEY also stalk the hunter!

QUOTE
"Don't want it to be cured. I know. You act like I am new to this."

Ma'Dat smiled. "And yet Nisse keeps getting infected like she is." The tip of his tail flicked. He was nervous. "Ma'Dat has a contact in Riften. A Bosmer in the Thieves Guild."


The Khajiit is not the only one who acts as if Kayla is “new to this.” Guts and stubbornness will get you a long way- generally into a hole just too deep to climb out of- if not tempered with wisdom.

And I do not like Riften. Maybe it mostly has to do with the fact that the only character I took into the Ratway had no light source….

Withholding expressing an opinion on the journals- mainly so I won’t remove all doubt as whether I am an idiot.

QUOTE
"No wonder you can't get any information. Your persuasion skills leave something to be desired."


What do you expect from an Altmer raised by Nords and then a group of vampire-hunters? Geez.

QUOTE
However," He put a hand on the arm pinning him to the wall. "I am not getting paid to be pinned to the wall by a stranger." The smile reached his eyes. "That is a different type of transaction."


Because I am NOT charming, I automatically distrust it on sight. Still- that was funny.

QUOTE
Niruin only smiled and reached across the table. He lightly touched my hand, then gently grasped it. He had cold hands...

Suddenly I felt at ease. I sighed in relief and smiled at him. His hands were warm, not cold, and there were no caps in his mouth. Just a wonderful smile. He leaned back in his chair, letting my hand go.


Oh dear…

QUOTE
"Why would she come after me? I left her alone, like I prom-" I stopped. Niruin gave me a sharp look.


Ah….

And another stealthy attack- aimed at….?

QUOTE
I sprinted to the altar and clutched the stone with both hands, willing its healing properties to cleanse me. Blood transferred from my wound to my hand smeared the cross carving in red. Mara's face was left serene and untouched in the middle.


And yes- here is one of those “Darn! I wish I had written that” moments.

QUOTE
Niruin sauntered up, glancing at the headless bandit. "A little tense?" I shook my head. He raised his eyebrows. "I could have taken all three of them with barely a sound, and little blood."


Bloodsucking undead predator or not, you have to admit Niruin has style.

QUOTE
I had only walked a few steps when I heard a familiar voice.

"Nisse."

I nearly dropped my sword.

"Asta?"


Style yes- but that does not mean you TRUST him. Dammit woman…. (Meaning Kayla- I don't know you well enough to speak to you thus, Ms Elizabeth)

QUOTE
"I don't want to be a vampire, Asta! Stop trying to turn me!"

Asta was quiet for a moment. I heard the pounding of my heart in my head as I waited to see what she would do. She turned to leave, her hands behind her back.

"That's not up for you to decide," she said quietly.


Uh-oh

QUOTE
"I'm killing anyone who would dare to save you."

"Asta, they're not expecting me back for another two weeks! Why would you do this?"

"Because I can."


And sending a team to get rid of Ma’Dat… and poor Erik. Urf.

And watching Nisse/Kayla struggle against what her sister has made her. Wow. Powerful writing indeed.

As to the next meeting with Erik, well I would have to quote the enter thing to highlight the “good parts.”

Here I suppose I should come up with some grand summation. However- I will only note (superfluously, because this request has already been answered):

S.G.M.


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The dreams down here aren't broken, nah, they're walkin' with a limp...

The best-dressed newt in Mournhold.
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Grits
post Apr 7 2013, 05:09 PM
Post #39


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QUOTE
Kayla had lured one man into her bedroom and knocked him out, while the other two she had taken out with a firebolt to the face.

laugh.gif And she kept her sense of humor throughout. How very Kayla!

I like the way you’ve filled in Uthgerd’s and Mjoll’s characters. You’ve made them very different despite their similarities. And you showed how Erik has grown with one paragraph. Well done!

This may be my favorite part yet. I just love the way you portrayed these three hunters. smile.gif



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Jerric's Story * Darnandex * Morning Star Screenshot: Cyrodiil Meadow
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King Coin
post Apr 8 2013, 02:57 PM
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Quite the team of vampire hunters. Despite that, Erik's thoughts are on Kayla. That was a fun memory and now we know where the green sword comment comes from! laugh.gif


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Aravi: A Khajiit in Skyrim

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