The Story Of Telina Delvanni Options

[Tellie]

The story of Telina Delvanni


Prolouge..

Like it or not, I chose to start this story, and were really inspired by the storys of OverrideB1, Alexander, Treydog and Minque.

I do not know how good this story is, and cant write all times,so if you start to like it, please be patient.I would be wery happy if people were to give me some comments, even constructive criticism.



I started my life in the dark brotherhood. As a child, mere 8 months my parents were killed by an unknown assasin.When the guards checed the house, they found me, and sold me to the dark brotherhood, as cheap labour.

But the brotherhood had other needs for me, and I started the training to become an assasin.My skills grew, and being a dark elf, my natural resistance to fire helped me many a time. At my age fo fifteen I started to study the arts of magic,but only usefull skills ofcourse. My skills with the short blade, wakizashis especially grew to be wery dangerous, and when I were twenty years old, I were the most dangerous assasin in Cyrodiil.

So many would think that I would soon rise to he top ranks, one of the masers of the guild, didn't like me, so he gave me a writ on a member of the royal family,but he tipped the guards of.So when I was about to enter the big mansion, the guards came.

"Stop you" he said. But one of the guards, had already struck down on me. I easly dodged the blow, and in return the guard felt how it is to get a dagger in his lung.
In the cofusion I jumpede up on a wall, and took my poisonous darts out of my pack.

"Where is she"one yelled "there up on the""SPLAT" he had got the dart in his ugly face, and he fell dead to the floor, just as the others ran up on the wall.
I unscheated my twin wakizhashis and ran upon them.In a whirlwhind of fast blows on guard dropped to the grund with a severed artery, meanwhile i stabbed my wakizhashis into the back of one, crushed his spinal column, while the other got it in his neck.

Thinking this was a good place not to be, I jumped down into the courtyard,only to get a hammerblow in my head,so I was knocked out cold.

Waking up three days lateder with an unspeakable headache, I were taken to the local magistrate.Beacuse one of the guards had stuck agains me first, my counter attacks counted as self defense, but I had though trespassed royal territory, and were given three years in prison, and when I had finished my time I would be taken to court again.

I remeber little of my days in prison, altough my skills dropped rapidly, I were still wery good with shortblades. One day I where put on a blindfold, and taken into a carridge,where I where for three days,until I were taken onto a ship, wich would take me to a place, far beyond my imaginations


This post has been edited by Telendil Delvanni: Nov 11 2005, 12:17 PM

[mplantinga]

A good start. I'm curious how the law decided that killing guards was self defense, since any legal system I've seen counts killing guards, no matter who started it, as a really bad thing. Especially royal guards, and especially when trespassing on private property.

The story is very easy to follow, and you develop your ideas quite well. For your next post, you might want to consider running spell check or grammar check, which might help fix a couple of language issues. In spite of a couple language issues, this story is off to a great start and I look forward to seeing this story develop.

Edit: Welcome to the forums.

This post has been edited by mplantinga: Nov 10 2005, 06:47 PM

[Jonajosa]

The story of Telina Delvanni
Prolouge..

Like it or not, I chose to start this story, and were really inspired by the sotys of OverrideB1, Alexander, Treydog and Minque.

You have some good influences.

I do not know how good this story is, and cant write all times,so if you start to like it, please be patient.I would be wery haooy if people were to give me some comments, even constructive criticism.
I started my life in the dark brotherhood. As a child, mere 8 months my parents were killed by an unknown assasin.When the guards checed the house, they found me, and sold me to the dark brotherhood, as cheap labour.

Try this.

I do not know how good this story is, and can’t write at all times, so if you start to like it, please be patient. I would be very happy if people were to give me some comments, even constructive criticism.

I started my life in the dark brotherhood. As a child, mere 8 months my parents were killed by an unknown assassin. When the guards searched the house, they found me, and sold me to the dark brotherhood, as cheap labor.

Paragraphing after "criticism". Press Tab when starting a new paragraph.

But the brotherhood had other needs for me, and I started the training to become an assasin.My skills grew, and being a dark elf, my natural resistance to fire helped me many a time. At my age fo fifteen I started to study the arts of magic,but only usefull skills ofcourse. My skills with the short blade, wakizashis especially grew to be wery dangerous, and when I were twenty years old, I were the most dangerous assasin in Cyrodiil.

So many would think that I would soon rise to he top ranks, one of the masers of the guild, didn't like me, so he gave me a writ on a member of the royal family,but he tipped the guards of.So when I was about to enter the big mansion, the guards came.

Again. Try this

But the Dark Brotherhood had other needs for me, and I started the training to become an assassin. My skills grew, and being a dark elf, my natural resistance to fire helped me many a time. At my age of fifteen I started to study the arts of magic, but only useful skills of course. My skills with the short blade, wakizashis especially grew to be very dangerous, and when I was just twenty years old, I was known as the most dangerous assassin in Cyrodiil.

So many thought that I would soon rise to the top ranks that one of the masers of the guild, who didn't like me, gave me a writ on a member of the royal family. In any other case I would have declined this suicide mission but I was determined to show him I could do anything. Little did I know that before I began my mission the master had tipped the guards off with information of my plan. So when I was about to enter the big mansion, the guards came.

Spaces after commas.

"Stop you" he said. But one of the guards, had already struck down on me. I easly dodged the blow, and in return the guard felt how it is to get a dagger in his lung.
In the cofusion I jumpede up on a wall, and took my poisonous darts out of my pack.

"Where is she"one yelled "there up on the""SPLAT" he had got the dart in his ugly face, and he fell dead to the floor, just as the others ran up on the wall.
I unscheated my twin wakizhashis and ran upon them.In a whirlwhind of fast blows on guard dropped to the grund with a severed artery, meanwhile i stabbed my  wakizhashis into the back of one, crushed his spinal column, while the other got it in his neck.

"You there! Halt!" he said. But one of the guards had already begun to hammer away at me. I easily dodged the blow, and in return the guard felt how it is to get a dagger in his lung.
In the confusion I jumped up on a wall, and took my poisonous darts out of my pack.

"Where is she?” One yelled. "There up on the -" SPLAT! He had got a dart in his ugly face. He fell to the floor dead just as the others ran up on the wall. I unsheathed my twin wakizhashis and ran upon them. In a whirlwind of fast blows one guard dropped to the ground with a severed artery. Meanwhile I stabbed my wakizhashis into the back of one, crushed his spinal column and stabbed the other in his neck.

Changed a few sentences to make them run together smoother but the plot has not changed from your original.

Thinking this was a good place not to be, I jumped down into the courtyard,only to get a hammerblow in my head,so I was knocked out cold.

Waking up three days lateder with an unspeakable headache, I were taken to the local magistrate.Beacuse one of the guards had stuck agains me first, my counter attacks counted as self defense, but I had though trespassed royal territory, and were given three years in prison, and when I had finished my time I would be taken to court again.

I remeber little of my days in prison, altough my skills dropped rapidly, I were still wery good with shortblades. One day I where put on a blindfold, and taken into a carridge,where I where for three days,until I were taken onto a ship....,where I where for three days,until I were taken onto a ship....

Thinking that the walkway was not a good place to be I jumped down into the courtyard. However my appearance in the courtyard was only greeted with a hammer blow to my head. I was knocked out cold before I knew what happened.

Waking up three days later with an unspeakable headache. I was taken to the local magistrate. Because one of the guards had stuck against me first, my counter attacks counted as self-defense. But alas I had trespassed into royal property and for that I was given three years in prison. When I had finished my time I would be taken to court again.

I remember little of my days in prison and although my skills dropped rapidly I still was very good with short blades. One day I was forced to put on a blindfold and taken into a carriage. I stayed in that same cramped thing for three days before I was finally taken out and led onto a ship with a destination far beyond my expectations.

Again I changed some sentences. But you'll find your story is still as original as ever.

Overall I liked it and would love to read more of it. Please keep it coming.

[Tellie]

First Mplantinga I have decided to make the story a little more real than morrowind are someplaces, beacuse the guard had aleredy struck me, In decided that the court would treat it as self defense (although in morrowind, if you taunt the guards, and the strike you, you will get no bounty on you.) To Jonajosa, thank you for comments. I will try to improve to get the readers more happy. I will try tho post more tonigth but cant promise anything. My internett is chrashed so I can only post on school and on a nett cafe.

[Tellie]

When I was on that hatefull ship, I fell asleep almost instantly. I where walking over a sad landscape filled with a thich and harsh red ash. It was a sad place the ash was everywhere and I saw dead plants lying in this dead place. I was crying as I saw the pain this land had suffered, and I saw a big cliffracer fly over me.

Then a terrible, but in the same time beautiful voice came to me. "They have taken you from the imperial city's prison, first by carriage and now by boat, to the east to morrowind. Fear not for I am watchfull, you have been chosen". I awoke, by a voice and someone who slapped my face. "Wake up, stand up"I stood up, "you where dreaming, whats you name"? "Telina Delvanni" I said, and he quickly introdused himself as Jiub, he was in a poor state, he was thin and had a big scar over his eye.

"I heard them say we reached morrowind, I'm sure they'l let us go". "Quiet here comes the guard" he told me. The guard walked over to me and grabbed my wrist, to take me with him. "This is where you get off, come with me", he said. " I can walk on my own, thanks".

We walked up the deck's, I thought it would be pushing my luck, far to much to try and grab his sword and hammer him into tiny bits, "well well Telina, you cant have all in your way", I said to myself.
Up at the deck he said "now get off the ship, and go down to the census office".

I went down, but there I bumped into another guard, who insisted me on telling what race I was. "What an idiot, cant he see that I'm a dark elf", I thought inside me. After telling that obviously drunk idiot, that I was a dark elf he told me to get my, cute butt into the cencus and excise office.

This post has been edited by Telendil Delvanni: Dec 2 2005, 01:00 PM

[Tellie]

Comments would be nice, both me and Telina would be very happy for all supporting comments.

[minque]

Ye both would huh?

Okies....First it´s a good start....especially after you followed the good advices you already got....so I´d say go for it! It´s good, and if you also add things that is not encountered in-game it will be even better....it´s amusing to read about how other folks interpret the game and how they use their imagination to create a story about it!

So I´m looking forward to read more about Telina´s adventures!


Oh..say hello to her from me will you?

[Tellie]

Chapter one:A new life

I walked into the office, and took a look around. The room was dimly lit, with the walls, slowly starting to lose its bright colour. As I walked into the room, I noticed all the silverware and books standing on the shelf, in the right side of the room. Especially I noticed the big limeware platter, wich would probably be worth over fivehundred septims.

At last I went over to the old and grey looking man, who had big pits on his ugly face, and the look he gave me clearly shoved a strong disgust for me, and all I stood for. "Ah there you are, we've been expecting you, now you'l have to be recorded before you're officially released, there are a few ways we can do this and the choise is yours".

Here he gave me the options of either answering his questions, filling the forms out myself or picking from the class list he had in front of him. "My name is Telina Delvanni,a mage and born under the sign of the lady", I chose to lie to him, as I did not want this kind of people to know that I was an assasin.

"Well then you answered my next question to, but before I stamp these papers, make sure this information is correct". Giving the piece of paper a small look, I nodded to show it was correct. "Good, now go to the captain in order to get your release fee".

I then started to walk around the room, making sure I had an "accidential"stumble, that knocked a candle or three over papers on Ergallas desk. With the guard and Ergalla buisy with putting the fire out, I realesed them from the heavy burden that Limeware platter would have of them, I then walked slowly out of the room and closed the door after me.

I was standing in a big hallway, and when I walked into the main room I found A "few" items of interest, wich included a worn out dagger and a flask of sujamma, a lot of silverware and other stuff. Thinkin they could by no means make sure that all off theese items would get the proper care I disposed them of the items, and walked out into the courtyard....

This post has been edited by Telendil Delvanni: Feb 3 2006, 04:46 PM

[Jonajosa]

Much better. Nice detail on your suroundings in the building.



This post has been edited by Jonajosa: Nov 12 2005, 10:39 PM

[Tellie]

Thank you. I will propably dont be able to write before monday, but there might be a short one, with some humor in it( or so Telina tells me) tomorrow night...

This post has been edited by Telendil Delvanni: Nov 12 2005, 11:31 PM

[Tellie]

So, do you like it. I shall write more tomorrow night, and will propably, come as far as entering addamasartus, but im not sure.. Telina has agreed in telling me some more, and would be happy of any replies... :P

[Tellie]

So sorry I havent been ableto write in the last days, but now it comes.Im not that happy with it, but thats up to you to decide....




When I walked out onto the street, I noticed the buildings, had the same grey deceing look, and then it caugth me. The stench of fish, anfd lucky me who HATED fish. So in all of my luck I had landed up in a fishing village, the gods had to hate me.

I had only walked a few yard's, when I bumped into a person, that would never forget me, he was a little bosmer.. "Hello, are you the new exile?" And without even waiting for an answer he went on. "They took my ring, you know,the imperials, they hate poor old Fargoth for being lucky,so they always take my things". I was getting really tired of this little bosmer, and formed out a plan. I took out my money pouch and slipped the entire pouch into his hands.

"Well thank you"he said with a little smile, just as he was about to clap my shoulder, I stepped rapidly backwards, just as the guard saw it, and he ,missed my shoulder, and his hands hit my breasts. "How dare you" I screamed out, and just after he heard a loud -"SMACK" and he laid flat on the ground, with marks from my flat hand on his cheeks.

The guard came running to me, and said." I saw everything, and this is the last time Fargoth, so now we're going to the captain". I smirked widely as I walked into the tallest building on the street, wich I reckoned had to be the tradehouse.

When I entered I saw a large counter with a tall altmer named Arille standing behind it, so I walked up to him. "Greetings miss, what can I do for you"? "Well I would like to trade in these items, i'm carrying".

We bickered a lot on the price, but even with my low persuasion skills, I managed to get a whole ninehundred and sixtyfour septims for the items. When I was about to leave I forgot that all I had to defend me with, was a rusty old dagger, so I walked back, and told that I wanted some weapons, armour and spells.

After a while with price bickering, I walked away with a set of citin armour minus the helmet and greaves, aand a good old fasioned steel katana, which had started to become my favourite weapon in prison (but only training weapons in wood ofcourse), slightly happy with my purchase I walked up the stairs, only to be met by a large nord.....

This post has been edited by Telendil Delvanni: Nov 15 2005, 09:38 PM

[mplantinga]

This is definitely a good story which gets better with each new addition. I enjoyed your --unique--way of dealing with Fargoth. I've never understood why almost everyone is so hostile to him (I find him more funny than annoying), but the way Telina dealt with him is sure to satisfy many of the anti-Fargoth persuasion.

With regards to my earlier comment: I didn't mean to imply that you shouldn't add your own artistic flair to the story, since that is precisely what makes most of these stories great. I was just confused about that particular choice, since it didn't seem to make sense to me that you could call it self defense if you were caught trespassing. However, if that's the way you want things to be in the story, I'll just have to deal with it.

Keep up the great work. I look forward to seeing how this simple Mage (cough-Assassin-cough) will fare now that she has been released.

[Jonajosa]

Nice fight with Fargoth. Thought it was rather enjoyable. Its different than most other stories we hear about Fargoth.

[Tellie]

"Hello lassie, please, don't be afraid I wont hurt ye". He boomed on with his big voice. "Ye see, I a've tis problem, and was wonderen if ye would help me out"? "Whats the problem I asked with my little voice(compared to his)? "Ah tis is this filty litle elf named Fargoth, and he ceeps, delaying his protection money, in other words taxes, I don't know where he ceeps his money, but he ceeps stalking in town, around elleven o'clock, and if ye would hide up in the lighthouse, ye would propably be able to see where he goes".

"Well I would be deligthed to help you out, and I'm going rigth now". I smiled as I thougth inside me ("Ah finally some free money, and that idiot of a nord has practically handed them over to me"). I walked straigth into the lighthouse, without even caring of the woman who lived there. The ligth inside was dim, and it was wery dark, but when I came up it was a little lighter.

There I found yet another of this local alcohole, and a book named the wedding dowry, I walked outside, and the sight that met me was magnificant. I could see many miles ahead, but now was not the time for looking at the landscape, I sat down where a little mer would have difficoulties of seing me, and I started to read this book of mine.

The book was wery good, and my aleredy good skills with illusion, had improved, beacuse of what the book had taugth me. It was close to midnight when Fargot started to move around, and after ten boring minutes he walked into a pool, bent down by the treestump, and raised himself up quickly, and walked away. I stood up, but when I had done that Fargoth saw up against me, and I stepped backwards rapidly.

Mistake nimber one,(do not step rapidly backwards on the top of a tiny ligthouse). A long fall and some broken ribs and bruises later I lay at the ground, in . You guessed it, a deep muddy pool, with a large treestump in it.

I managed to raise myself to the ground, and a small glimmer, in the ground, to my left caugth my eye. There stood a large axe with a clear enchantment on it. I took it up and examined it, the name stood on ancient dunmeri, and from my translation(I was wery good with languages) the axe was named Ice Sting. I used the healing spell, Arille had sold me and I could feel my wounds slowly healing.

I walked over to the muddy pool fargoth had hid his stuff in, and examined the treestump, inside it I found a lockpick, a diamond, and nearly threehundred septims. I walked slowly towards the tradehouse, thinking that what that idiotic nord didn't know, wouldnt hurt him......

[mplantinga]

I'm glad to see that the fall from the lighthouse didn't cause any permanent damage. It helps to keep a story feeling real to have characters make mistakes like this. Poor Fargoth really has a hard time in this story; why can't we just STOP-THE-HATE?!?!? An excellent installment; please keep them coming.

[minque]

Nice story! Glad you keep it up, always nice with a female main charachter!

Oh...but please don´t double-post in the future! Use the edit-button! m´kay?


Good work anyway!

[Tellie]

Alrigth, I've been away for a while (I was at the hospital), but I have some upcoming posts on tuesday and friday, so please just wait a little more, and again, so sorry for my absence..

[mplantinga]

Sorry to hear that you were at the hospital. No apologies are necessary; we're glad to see you back and hope that you are feeling better. I will look forward to your upcoming posts.

[Jonajosa]

So... many... commas. Try and cut down on those. I see never ending run on sentences. Try and make them into compund and complexe sentences. Also take cae of where you put your commas. The object of a preposition can never be the subject of a sentence.