Jess of Valor, The Diary of Jessika Andrea #1 Options

[Andrea]

Hello All!

I'm Andrea and fairly new to Chorrol, so hey!

I wasn't going to post anything too soon, but Jessika insisted I at least give a teaser of her story, so i've decided to post an Introduction. But first, I shall introduce you all to Jessika.

Jessika is a 21 year old nord who was born and raised in Cheydinhal, Cyrodill. She excells in Blade, Heavy armour and Light armour (which she is convinced makes her 'unique')

Five yeare before our story starts her parents died, leaving her to raise her little sister, Mya, on her own.

Now, that's enough of that Here is the introduction to our tale:



INTRODUCTION


“Jessika, where are we going?” My baby sister, Mya, asked me. Her youthful eyes delicate. So innocent. She had no idea what had happened. No idea at all.

I wasn’t sure whether to tell her the truth or not, so I decided to lie.

“The basement has been infested with mudcrabs, baby, so we had to leave. Don’t worry, though. We will find somewhere else to live.”

What I told her was partially true. Our house did have an invasion of mudcrabs, although those mudcrabs could also be called ‘debt collectors’.

Money was tight. Too tight. Not enough was coming in and what money was coming in was spent quicker than you could say septim. Our gorgeous home in Cheydinhal had soon become another broken memory

That was the last thing Mother and Father left to us… now it’s gone.

I didn’t know where we were going to go. Ever since our parents died that house was the only thing we had to our name. We managed to stay there for five years; now we had nothing.

As we headed out of the city we were stopped. My good friend Shelley shouted my name and beckoned me over as she stood outside the Bridge Inn.

“Wait here.” I instructed Mya as I kissed her on the forehead. I walked over to Shelley, a forced smile etched across my lips.

“Are you okay?” She asked. A sheet of concern covering her face.

“Yeah…” I lied. A lie that was given away instantly as my eyes began to flood with tears. I wouldn’t let Shelly hug me, as Mya would know something was wrong, so I shook my head gently at Shelly to halt her advance.

“We got thrown out of our house. I just couldn’t keep up with the payments.”

“Oh, honey…” Shelley replied, genuine care in her voice.

“I just don’t know what I’m going to do…” I sobbed. “It’s Mya’s tenth birthday in two days and we have nowhere to go.”

“Why don’t you come stay with me in the inn?” She invited. “I’m sure Mariana will understand-“

I immediately cut her off. Her offer was generous, but preposterous. I simply couldn’t bear to have anyone in the city know I was broke; even though chances were that the news of my eviction would spread like wildfire anyway.

Despite that inevitability, I couldn’t let it happen. I had my pride and my family name to respect. If I was to be the source of embarrassment in my city, I at least wanted to hold my head high.

“Thank you for the offer, Shelley, but I really can’t.”

I didn’t have to say another word as Shelley’s expression seemed to suggest she knew what I was thinking.

“Well at least let me give you-“she started as she reached into her coin purse.

“Shelley, please.” I said, rejecting her offer.

“Okay,” she said softly. “You do what you have to do. But you HAVE to promise me that you will let me know when you find somewhere to go okay? If you don’t I will have no choice but to hunt you down and kick your behind for making me worry, okay?”

I laughed, wiping my tears away. “I promise.”

Shelley looked at me for another second before forcing me into a gentle embrace- an embrace in which I reciprocated. Once we let go I smiled at Shelley, nodded and then headed back to Mya. My eyes met hers and she smiled. I grabbed her hand gently and squeezed it as we headed to the city exit. The large gate signifying the end of an era for us.

I knew we weren’t going to be back for a while, but I also knew that I wasn’t about to let me and my baby sister go homeless.

I was willing to do whatever it took. Mya needed me and I wasn’t going to let her down.

As the guards opened the gate I turned my head to Mya, smiled and did a small hand gesture, a hand gesture that she repeated back to me. A hand gesture that my sister and I had invented.

It meant ‘I love you.’


*

This post has been edited by Andrea: Apr 12 2012, 12:38 AM

[Acadian]

Welcome to the Arena! It is such a pleasure to see you starting this. What a wonderful introduction to Jessika! Without the slightest hint of a data dump, you tell us much here. Her strong and loving nature in the face of hardship. Her devotion to family and friends. Her pride and determination. All of this was crafted with a superb skill that makes Jessika leap right off the page – that is, your writing is top notch.

Congratulations on such a fabulous debut and I so look forward to seeing Jessika continue her adventure.

[Andrea]

Oh wow! That is such a huge compliment to me! I have been writing for quite a long time and it's my biggest passion, but nothing i've written as ever been read by anyone other than my mother :/ Posting here was rather nerveracking, but i'm so glad you liked it!

I'm also glad that I managed to portray Jessika's personality and morals clearly; she will be thrilled ;P

[treydog]

You have given us a wonderful sketch of Jessika, her circumstances, and her personality in these few paragraphs. Welcome to you and to your story. I am so glad you have overcome the "stage-fright" which most of us have experienced before pushing that "Post" button.

Our house did have an invasion of mudcrabs, although those mudcrabs could also be called ‘debt collectors’.

Yes- crusty, grasping, and smelly.

I turned my head to Mya, smiled and did a small hand gesture, a hand gesture that she repeated back to me. A hand gesture that my sister and I had invented.

It meant ‘I love you.’

The “little things” are what make a story work for me- and that was a perfect example.

[mALX]

Firstly: Welcome to Chorrol Andrea, Jessika, and Mya !!

I am in AWE of this intro! You have given us a bit of background, some very strong character development, personality with touches of wry humor - and what Treydoggie pointed out, little details that personalize the story to such an extent that we can visualize the scenes and feel attachment to the characters already. Did I mention you have a knack for dialogue so natural it feels like we are there hearing it?

AWESOME Write !! I am very excited about your story and can't wait to see more of Jessika and Mya!

[McBadgere]

Hey there!!... ...

Loving the sound of Jess...As for the Light/Heavy Armour...I have a shy-retiring Argonian character who did much the same... ....It's a cool thing!!...

Aaamywho, the story is most excellent!!...Love it from the start...

Definately looking forward to following her adventures further... ...

Nice one!!...

*Applauds heartily!!*...

[Athynae]

WELCOME!!!
( I totally understand the nerve wracking part, lol, but that's another story)

I do believe my wonderful friends here have said it all so I will simply say "ditto" to everything that has been said already and I look forward to seeing more of you AND Jess and Mya too

[Darkness Eternal]

Woah, this is deep. It shows a simple struggle of debt and getting kicked out of the house which serves as the last memory of her parents. I like how you started with this simple yet overwhelming fact, and the constant lying from the protagonist to her younger sister is understandable. The hand gesture in the end was sweet as well.

[SubRosa]

Welcome to the Arena! This was a good start. You always want to grab the reader's attention with the first few paragraphs. You certainly did here, with Jessika's ominous thoughts about what her sister did not know.

Jess and Mya are out on the street? Ouch. You did a good job of catching us up with the important things, without it feeling like an infodump. Not to mention you painted us a pair of characters whom we can feel empathy for. I hope that Jess can turn things around!

One suggestion, is that think of just what that hand gesture at the end is, and describe it with more detail. Like the shaka sign, or the ILY. I have the feeling we will be seeing it more in the future, and knowing just what it looks like will give it more depth.

[Lady Saga]

BAM! Excellent intro, Andrea, hope you come back soon for more. Please? Pretty please? with moonsugar on it?

This post has been edited by Lady Saga: Apr 12 2012, 09:20 PM

[Andrea]

WOW! Everyone thank you so much for your wonderful comments! I am THRILLED that so many of you want more, but unfortunatly I'm waiting untill I do a bit more catching up, but seeing as there has been such high demand (Here's looking at you Lady Saga ;P hehe) I'll consider having the next chapter up next week. Maybe. Watch this space.

THANK YOU ALL!!!

[Lady Saga]

you're so welcome.

[Colonel Mustard]

Excellent stuff!

The writing is fluid and, Jess' character is already well established and I'm compelled to find out what happens to her. This paragraph, especially, was excellent.

I immediately cut her off. Her offer was generous, but preposterous. I simply couldn’t bear to have anyone in the city know I was broke; even though chances were that the news of my eviction would spread like wildfire anyway.

It told us a lot about her, in just three lines, and the final touch with Jess and Mya's hand signal was sweet. It felt...real, I guess. Human.

[Andrea]

This isn't an update, sorry, but I thought I'd share a couple of photos of Jessika for you all

Sorry for the quality, I am not on PC (although the quality is pretty good for a console user:P)

ALSO, i've decided that I WILL post a new segment of the story by next friday.

Jessika I

Jessika II

This post has been edited by Andrea: Apr 17 2012, 02:32 AM

[Lady Saga]

Are those cell phone pics? Yaah, I'm not the only one!

Sorry. Anyways, Jessika's story is awaited with bated breath. Looking forward to Friday.

[Andrea]

They most certainly are, Lady Saga. It's just a shame that the pictures really don't do Jessika any justice to her true beauty

[Lady Saga]

They most certainly are, Lady Saga. It's just a shame that the pictures really don't do Jessika any justice to her true beauty

It's tough isn't it? *hugs* I know, honey...

For every pic I post here and at Bethsoft, there's usually 2 or 3 that look okay on my cell-phone, but when I get them on a real TV or comp screen something looks off...

....but ya know...sometimes it's the feeling of the pic that counts. I can tell Jess is hot. She'll have her perfect pixel moment eventually. Just keep at it.

[Andrea]

It's tough isn't it? *hugs* I know, honey...

For every pic I post here and at Bethsoft, there's usually 2 or 3 that look okay on my cell-phone, but when I get them on a real TV or comp screen something looks off...

....but ya know...sometimes it's the feeling of the pic that counts. I can tell Jess is hot. She'll have her perfect pixel moment eventually. Just keep at it.

Oh yes! It's like, for every 10 pics I take of Jessika, only two turn out looking okay. Haha. I simply cannot WAIT for the day I upgrade my PC to be able to play Oblivion on that. PC screenshots will make Jessika very happy

Well I have to say that I think Ann is beautiful, espiecially in your Bethsoft profile pic!

This post has been edited by Andrea: Apr 17 2012, 03:13 AM

[SubRosa]

Jess is looking good. Those are pretty good pics, especially considering the difficulty taking them with a phone, of a tv screen. It seems the biggest problem you are having is reflected light sources on the tv screen. Maybe you could try turning off all the lights before taking a pic, and see if that makes a difference?

[SubRosa]

Jess is looking good. Those are pretty good pics, especially considering the difficulty taking them with a phone, of a tv screen. It seems the biggest problem you are having is reflected light sources on the tv screen. Maybe you could try turning off all the lights before taking a pic, and see if that makes a difference? Or closing the curtains if your tv is next to a window.