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Chorrol.com _ Fan Fiction _ Unshelled Bullets

Posted by: grif11 Jun 3 2011, 11:25 PM

ok, Im no writer, but heres a little prologue that should introduce the story and let non-vegas players get an idea for the setting.

Prologue


The Mojave Wasteland. Most folks think of it as a barren desert, filled with nothing but gangs of chem-crazed convicts and mutant bugs. Not a bad description, but us wastelanders see a lot more than the puddles of irradiated ooze. We made homes in the crumbling ruins of the cities, We tamed the more useful mutated animals and hell, we even made our own card game.

I'm a peace-keeper by trade. I travel from town to town, helping people with problems and putting bullets in legion skulls. Sometimes though, I'll see a pretty little nik-nak that the owner doesn't seem to be watching, and it might "go missing". I like to think of it as a bonus that they forgot to mention. Still, people love me.

While I'm sitting at a campfire, cooking up a pot of squirrel stew, Travellers sometimes spot me and have a seat next to me and my posse. They always ask me the same thing: "Go on! tell us how you got so damn famous!"
I always tell them the same thing, that I Retired from NCR and put my skills to better use. Its not a lie, but its not the whole story. I'm getting on now, and it's about time I let the world know the REAL story of Raymond Will.

Mojave wasteland:

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CONSTRUCTIVE criticism welcome!

Posted by: King Coin Jun 4 2011, 04:39 AM

Hmm not sure what to say other than you have me interested!

Posted by: hazmick Jun 4 2011, 05:01 AM

I've never played new vegas, this could be good. biggrin.gif You also have me interested.

Posted by: mALX Jun 4 2011, 05:16 AM

I've played New Vegas and loved it with a few reservations that had to do with a game ending crash that corrupted all the save files, lol.

An interesting beginning, and Welcome to the fic forum !!!

Posted by: ureniashtram Jun 4 2011, 10:47 AM


Grif The Eleventh? Writing a FanFic? By the blessing of great Caesar himself, this must be the end of the world!! Hehe, just kidding. The intro, short though as it may be, promises readers an interesting ride!

Thought you'd write something about the Final Fantasy series, but I'm grateful you chose Fallout (something i'm more familiar with)!

Posted by: Grits Jun 4 2011, 03:18 PM

Iím a non-Vegas player, so thank you for setting the scene so well. smile.gif Iíll be reading!

Posted by: grif11 Jun 4 2011, 05:43 PM

King coin, Hazmick and mALX - Good to know I've got you interested!

ureniashtram - thanks! Like I said, this is just a first draught. Once I finish, I'll probably rewrite a lot of it, but I'll make sure to announce it. (also I thought of doing something for final fantasy, maybe if people like my work...)

grits - I'm glad you think I set the scene well.

I'm going to put a bit more time into my next chapter, but I (hopefully) won't disapoint anyone.

Posted by: Zalphon Jun 5 2011, 02:18 AM

A Vegas Fan-fic, this should be good smile.gif

Posted by: grif11 Jun 6 2011, 04:53 PM

chapter 1: On a Limb and a Prayer.


From an early age, I've learned to fend for myself. My Mother died when I was five and God knows where my dad went! I wasn't raised in one of those vaults, I was born out in a small settlement called Novac. A quaint little village that most travellers heading for new vegas have to by.Thats if they dont want to charge through the irradiated camp searchlight, or head through a nest of deathclaws. Not much of interest, except the gift shop dinosaur that I spent most my childhood inside.

It was there I met one of the town snipers. He called himself Eagle, but I never found out his real name. Everyday, I would wake up from under the dinosaur and climb up to the head, where Eagle and I would talk the hours away. He was the closest thing to a Father I ever had. Sometimes, when he spotted a molerat on a hill, he would give me his rifle and let me take a few shots at it. It was rare for me to ever shoot anywhere near the bloody pests. That changed one day.

That day, Eagle made a bet with me "Hey son, the night snipers off for today, so I've got to take his shift, meaning I'll be stuck up here all night. So, I've got a proposition for you. if you can hit that radscorpion down on the road, I'll buy you a gun of your own. Not one of those boring BB guns either. A proper hunting rifle, with a scope. If you miss though, you gotta be my helper through the night, carrying water and food up to me, being my spotter, and cleaning out these jars!" I could see in his eyes he thought I couldn't do it, but I guess that just made me more determined.

I took up the pose he took whenever he got ready to take his shot. I went down on one knee and took the scope up to my eye. I carefully steadied the sight on the radscorpions abdomen and held my breath. The scorpion seemed to be resting, the only movement It made was the shiver of its tail. I lined up my shot and squeezed the trigger. I was too frightened to look at first. If I had missed, I'd be scrubbing eagles jars all night. I took a quick glance at the road, and saw the radscorpion, crawling away.
"Well done!" Eagle exclaimed, while patting me on the back.
"B-But I missed!"
"Look again, son". Sure enough, the radscorp was missing a leg, with a trail of blood following it. That was probably the greatest moment of my life.

Sure enough, the next day I woke up next to the rifle Eagle promised, along with some magazines. From then on, I took that rifle wherever I went. Even now, the old things laying under my desk. Slowly, in time, my skills were improving.

And slowly, Eagle's health was dwindling. ohmy.gif

The rifle
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Posted by: mALX Jun 6 2011, 05:49 PM

Great Chapter !!! I loved this foreshadowing:

QUOTE

Slowly, in time, my skills were improving. And slowly, Eagle's health was dwindling.


Also, having screens in your story is going to make it Awesome too !! Great Write, and I love the storyline you are creating !!

Posted by: King Coin Jun 6 2011, 10:40 PM

So the hero's a sniper. I can't remember, is Eagle the name of an NPC or did you just make him up?

Posted by: grif11 Jun 6 2011, 10:49 PM

QUOTE(King Coin @ Jun 6 2011, 10:40 PM) *

So the hero's a sniper. I can't remember, is Eagle the name of an NPC or did you just make him up?


I made him up. When Ray makes it to adulthood, the time is before the Couriers story, but I will keep the normal NPCs at that point. Maybe with one or two additions.

if anyone feels I could improve anything, send me a message with your suggestions

Posted by: grif11 Jun 8 2011, 10:56 PM

mALX - Thanks for the compliments!

It means alot, coming from an experienced Fic-Writer

All - chapter 2:Empty nest is now in progress.

Posted by: grif11 Jun 9 2011, 07:17 PM

Chapter 2: Empty Nest


Eagle was an old man. Nearing seventy, most people knew his time was short. Sure enough, At the age of 13,
I climbed up to the dino head, only to find it abandoned. As I turned to leave, Dan, the night sniper, came
up the stairs. "Wheres Eagle?" I asked him.
"Kid, I think its best if you see for yourself." And with that, he took me by the shoulder and lead me down the stairs.

I knew straight away something was wrong. On the few times I had met dan, he wouldnt look me in the eye. Eagle said he had never trusted children, stereotyping them as thieving whelps. It was unusual for him to talk to me, let alone take me by the shoulder. He had brought me to Eagle's bungalow, the sound of soft, western music playing faintly. As I entered, I felt death greet me.

Eagle was lying in his bed, staring blankly at the ceiling, with one of the followers of the apocalypse by his bedside.
"Whats wrong with him!" I whisspered nervously to her.
"Oh little one," She said in a soft tone. "I'm afraid this birds flown for the last time."
"What do you mean!" I shouted at her.
"He is in a terrible condition. I'm afraid at his age, theres nothing we can do."
She said, with that look that people give you when they want to say "Its okay to let it out."

And I did. I sat beside the follower and rested my head on the covers, letting tears fall out my eyes silently. As I cried, she put her arm around me, trying to comfort me. It didnt work. Even dan came and sat beside me, Muttering words of comfort, like "C'mon now son, he had a good life," and "We can hold a funeral if you like."

Finally, Dan left, and The follower said she would be back in the mornig. Then it was just me and Eagle, who was still staring at the ceiling."S-Son," he whispered to me, faintly. "Th-the box. desk." I leaped up and grabbed the metal box, and heard something rattling inside. Placing it next to Eagle, he muttered once more,"Open."

Carefully removing the lid, I peeked inside. A note, a satchel, and a strange computer. As I turned back to Eagle, I saw him reaching for me, shakily, with a small smile across his face. I held his hand, and could feel Tears swelling in my eyes again. "Y-you, will make me proud," he wheezed silently."Y-you are the eagle now."

And with that, he let out one last breath, and was then flying as an Eagle should. I spent that night sleeping on the stool with my head beside Eagles weathered hand, wishing I could be with him.
________________________________________________________________________________


Well, I hope its not too sappy.

Posted by: grif11 Jun 12 2011, 12:44 AM

I Hope Im not talking to myself, but chapter 3: Taking flight is now underway.

Posted by: Grits Jun 12 2011, 01:09 AM

Sniping from inside a gift shop dinosaur is an image that will stay with me. I think it was touching that when the man he thinks of as his father dies, he wants to spend one last night just sitting with him. Not to mention he still has that rifle. I have no idea what the stuff Eagle gave him means, but I look forward to finding out!

Posted by: mALX Jun 23 2011, 04:26 AM

Sorry it took so long to get here and read this, it has been an unbearably hectic month for me so far.

This scene was powerful and moving! Not sappy at all, just very well done.

If I had any nit at all it would be to capitalize Dan (proper name), and a couple spelling errors. Nothing bad, nothing hurt the immersion of this scene at all. Awesome write, you knocked this one out of the park !!

Posted by: King Coin Jun 23 2011, 04:45 AM

How did I neglect to comment? I've kept up with this and I like the story a lot. The waste land will be a very dangerous place and I look forward to the creative trouble you can get into.

Boone was one of my favorite companions. Will he be featured?

Posted by: grif11 Jul 6 2011, 11:08 PM

I'm delighted my little fanfic isn't a failure, and Im sorry I havent updated in ages. Most of you will know I moved house recently so I havent had any time to write. I hope to get the next chapter up within the week.

Coin - I'm still not sure how to include Boone without doing one of the worst fanfic crimes ive seen loads of times: Just write about your character doing the main quest line. devilsad.gif I promise I'll find a way, though

Thanks again for reading everyone!

Posted by: mALX Jul 7 2011, 12:43 AM

QUOTE(grif11 @ Jul 6 2011, 06:08 PM) *

I'm delighted my little fanfic isn't a failure, and Im sorry I havent updated in ages. Most of you will know I moved house recently so I havent had any time to write. I hope to get the next chapter up within the week.

Coin - I'm still not sure how to include Boone without doing one of the worst fanfic crimes ive seen loads of times: Just write about your character doing the main quest line. devilsad.gif I promise I'll find a way, though

Thanks again for reading everyone!



I know how moves can knock you out of doing what you like, lol. We're waiting !!

Posted by: King Coin Jul 7 2011, 01:58 AM

QUOTE(grif11 @ Jul 6 2011, 05:08 PM) *

Coin - I'm still not sure how to include Boone without doing one of the worst fanfic crimes ive seen loads of times: Just write about your character doing the main quest line. devilsad.gif I promise I'll find a way, though

You do not have to I was just curious.

Posted by: grif11 Jul 11 2011, 08:46 PM

Here it is, AT LAST!

Chapter 3:Taking Flight


The promised funeral was short, but that was usual in the wasteland. All the townspeople attended to pay there respects to the man who guarded them. Afterwards he was buried behind his house, now mine as stated in his will. Its never felt right when I've been in there. It's probably because my first time in it was also the worst.

After the Funeral I was presented with the old key by Dan, who gave me a handful of caps "So I could take care of myself". Back in the old bungalow, I went back to the open box Eagle had me open. First was the note. At least I thought it was a note, but after unfolding it I was greeted by the two headed bear of the NCR. Eagle had served with them for ten years, and one of my favorite things he would do is share his stories of fights against the legion and his other wars. It was a recommendation form, signed by Ranger Eagle. I couldn't believe it, Eagle had been an NCR ranger, and had recommended me for recruitment!

Second was the satchel. Inside was Eagles old binoculars, a combat knife, and a beret with a familiar insignia on it: A bears skull with two crossed rifles behind it. The sign of 1st Recon battalion. So, a ranger AND part of an elite sniper team. Why did he never tell me this? I thought.
Finally, the little PDA. Flicking the switch, the word "Audi0" appeared on the screen, and an audio-log began to play:

Raymond I hope this this is working, I paid that merchant half my caps for this piece of scrap! Anyway, You've probably found that recommendation I've given you. God this sounds weird to me, speaking for a future you! In short, You need to make a living, and I couldn't bear to think of you a a scavenger, so you need to make your way to Camp McCarran and seek colonel Hsu. He can help you. Theres a map stored on this piece of junk that should show you any and all points of interest an explorer has noted down. It should come in handy to you. And son, don't forget. You're the Eagle.

Obviously, a child isn't going to be allowed to simply walk out of a civilized place to go trekking across the Mojave. And I wasn't stupid enough to try. Fortunately, a trader had stopped in town."Um, excuse me," I asked the trader who was sitting in the makeshift cafe in the outskirts of town."Where are you going when you leave Novac?"
"Well, I'm hoping to head up to new Vegas. the omertas paid me to- wait, why're you asking?"
"Well, um, I need to go to camp Make a ran," I said sheepishly.
"Where!?" The trader was staring as me in disbelief, as if i'd just clambered out of a vault.
"Erm, where colonel Shoe is,"Now I felt like Eagle was just playing a game with me.
"Son, are you alright in the head?" Then I had an idea. I took the recommendation and showed it to him.
"Who did yo steal this from, you numpty?"
"Sir, I was given this! Ea-Ranger Eagle just, past. This is what he gave me. please, just read this!"

As the trader skimmed over the form occasionaly nodding his head, I grew more and more hopeful. Sure enough, he looked up and said to me "That's camp McCarran, and Colonel HSU, kid. OK, that's not too far from Vegas, i'll take you there. On one condition, you gotta help pack and unpack the Brahmin."

"Deal!"

The NCR logo:

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The 1st Recon Logo:

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Posted by: mALX Jul 11 2011, 10:59 PM

Oooh, is he going to join the NCR? Really smart to join up with a trade caravan! Great Write !!!

Posted by: old Andy Jul 15 2011, 09:02 AM

As a former scout sniper with the 1st recc -marines, not NCR biggrin.gif



you do me proud son smile.gif

Posted by: King Coin Jul 16 2011, 04:33 AM

I'm happy he's joining up with the NCR. I never liked their leaders, but I hated the Legion. I used the Hammer of Dawn Archimedes II on Caesar and his goons.

Posted by: treydog Jul 17 2011, 03:46 PM

Caught up with- and caught up IN- this story. Great stuff, grif11!

Pulled out this one quote which says a great deal in a few words:

"Its never felt right when I've been in there. It's probably because my first time in it was also the worst."


Posted by: grif11 Jul 31 2011, 07:06 PM

Sorry this took so long, but I've been distracted by some other fanfics. Lets call it research.

Chapter 4: Brahmin and Bandits


If I had to say anything about that journey, it would be that it showed me how much the bombs had changed the world. The Mojave itself is basically the same, just less trees and more irradiated craters. However, places called Washington and Illinois used to be giant cities, filled with huge buildings and filled with people in fancy suits. At least that's what the caravaneers told me. It's hard to believe when your whole world is a ruined motel and a dinosaur statue.

Anyway, the journey took us about two days that just seemed to fly by. Maybe it was all the sites I was seeing that made the time go by. The trader I talked to turned out to be a real friendly guy and would point out points of interest, like HELIOS 1 and the El Dorado Dry Lake. I tried to make something that resembled a map, but quickly gave up. Illiteracy didn't help.There's one problem though. Small caravans in the wasteland are the perfect target for groups of raiders and cazadors who breed too close to the roads. But we faced a different enemy on our journey.

It was early morning, just after my daily Brahmin feeding when I spotted some shapes running at me not too far away. After looking through the old binoculars, I saw some men dressed in odd armour, charging towards us. I had seen a couple groups of raiders before, back when I had been with Eagle, but these men looked different. They seemed more organised and trained. Anyway, after spotted them I quickly ran over to the others. "Raiders! About six, 3 carrying 9 millimeter SMG's and 3 with hunting rifles. All of them had Machetes"
"Good work alerting us, kid. But how did you see all that so fa-" One of the mercenaries began, before being cut off by an explosion.

After the dust settled from the dynamite, I saw them, much closer now. Each bore a symbol of a bull on their armour, and were they wearing skirts!? They began throwing spears at the startled crew, hitting one in the leg and another in the back of the head.I decided that now wasn't time to fight, and ran for my life. Only one spear chased me, and landed to my side. Who are they? and why are they in skirts? I thought to myself while I crouched behind a rock, peeking out to see how things were going.

The caravaneers had taken up arms and had began fighting back against the skirtmen, but I could see it was looking bad. They were armed with only pistols and a couple of shotguns, and were three men down. I had to help them. Taking my rifle off my back, I aimed at one of the skirtsmen. I had learned that the best thing to do when facing a new enemy is learn where he wasnt protected well. In this case, the legs were an obvious choice. However, there was armor in only a few places on their torso, and their heads were covered in nothing but some sort of mask and goggle combo. Good against sandstorms, but not against bullets. The men were fast on their feet however, and had now drawn their machetes and were carving up the crew. fter a few misfire, I finally caught one. I was shocked when his head just exploded into some sort of gory paste, but thats life in the wasteland for you.

The fight finally ended, and I had three more kills to my name. We had just survived and now we were a caravan of four. me, two mercenaries, the trader I met, and two Brahmin. One less than when we started with. But on the upside, two less mouths for me to feed.

The mysterious Skirtsmen:

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Posted by: treydog Aug 1 2011, 01:51 AM

Woo Hoo! Update! I like the fact that you show Raymond as being unseasoned- and smart enough to know it. The learning process makes for a much more interesting character.

Edited to fix mistake on the name- darned short dachshund attention-span!

Posted by: Grits Aug 1 2011, 03:28 PM

Whew, a fight! Ray gets some experience with his rifle. I like that he took cover first, I think Eagle would approve. Between your screenshot and the Fallout wiki, Iím keeping up. smile.gif

Posted by: grif11 Aug 1 2011, 05:33 PM

yikes, I've forgotten the chorrol fanfic tradition. Respond to comments. Lets do chapter 3 comments onward this time.

mALX - yes, we have a little-NCR-sniper-to-be. Might take a while till we get to the real NCR tour of duty, but I'm committed to this little fanfic now.

Andy - Wow, didn't know you served the marines. I salute you!

king Coin - Yeah, I never liked them either. I only joined them once, and for the record, I was good AND it was only for the achievements.

Treydog no.1 - Having a very successful writer comment on my first attempt of fanfiction is very motivating. I hope I can keep coming up with little phrases like that.

Treydog no.2 - TBH, I never thought Raymond being "unseasoned" could help with development, but now I know better.

grits - I'm glad you can follow along all right.

All - The next chapter should be in about a week, or maybe less! (Whenever I'm in a writing mood biggrin.gif )

Posted by: mALX Aug 21 2011, 12:53 PM

His first kill kind of brings the reader back to Eagle's teaching him to shoot. His initial shock at the gore (followed quickly by that numbed response, "thats life in the wasteland for you") shows how quickly he is adapting to a survival mode out there in the wasteland. Must be kind of a shock after living in the protection of a town all his life, and you showed that really well with this chapter!! Awesome Write !!!

Posted by: grif11 Oct 7 2011, 11:24 PM

Well, since caboose has made his own fan fiction already, I'm gonna slap myself in the face and get back to writing! I've neglected my writing for ages, but Im gonna stop that now! smile.gif

Posted by: Grits Oct 7 2011, 11:36 PM

I'm glad to hear it, grif! smile.gif

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