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> Serene of Cyrodiil, chapter 3 "Gathering Forces"
Burnt Sierra
post May 16 2005, 12:39 AM
Post #21


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Hm, I could do a Jona here.

" :goodjob: " (tm jonajosa)

Understatement though, it's an excellent job. Where's the Emoticon for that? This should be going onto a required reading list for Morrowind stories really. Well wriiten, fully rounded and sympathetic characters, a living, breathing world..... Everything I look for in a story. smile.gif
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Soulseeker3.0
post May 16 2005, 02:38 AM
Post #22


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hot. smile.gif [img]http://instagiber.net/smiliesdotcom/otn/wink/wink2.gif[/img]


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This was pretty unusual, because most children at his age wanted to become great warriors, known all through time as saviors of, well, anything - Toroabok
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milanius
post May 16 2005, 03:10 PM
Post #23


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Finaly ! Our hero winds up in the good ol' Ald-Ruhn (and finaly, I get to spell it right tongue.gif)... although I'm a bit dissapointed to see her fall for the first sad eyed Dunmer boy-scout biggrin.gif


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Zlo činiti od zla se braneći,
tu zločinstva nema nikakvoga


Petar II Petrovic Njegos
(1813-1851)
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jonajosa
post May 16 2005, 10:44 PM
Post #24


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Hmm so thats a jonajosa.... Well then whats to say when everybody else says what you wanted to say. I find myself devoid of words if i get to the story to late to post somthing before you others vultures do. By the way Burntsierra you havent posted in my story yet. I find it really annoying when i post my heart out in others storys telling them how goo they are just so i could be ignored(Thats why i don't comment in Treys or overrides story anymore.)

Ok... You spelled "Armor" in that typical euro. way again... Please fix it so i can continue with the story.

:goodjob:
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minque
post May 16 2005, 10:51 PM
Post #25


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[quote=jonajosa]Hmm so thats a jonajosa.... Well then whats to say when everybody else says what you wanted to say. I find myself devoid of words if i get to the story to late to post somthing before you others vultures do.

Ok... You spelled "Armor" in that typical euro. way again... Please fix it so i can continue with the story.

:goodjob:[/quote]

:lmao: Then be the first then! You know what? I AM a euro.....and my american editor left it as is...just because.....

but if it bothers you....ok i´ll change it then....


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Chomh fada agus a bhionn daoine ah creiduint in aif�iseach, leanfaidh said na n-aingniomhi a choireamh (Voltaire)

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jonajosa
post May 16 2005, 11:06 PM
Post #26


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Ill have to talk to him about his recent lazy natures. Hes so not american anymore...
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minque
post May 16 2005, 11:09 PM
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well please do.....i don´t mind... biggrin.gif i just write..... wink.gif


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Chomh fada agus a bhionn daoine ah creiduint in aif�iseach, leanfaidh said na n-aingniomhi a choireamh (Voltaire)

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Soulseeker3.0
post May 17 2005, 12:35 AM
Post #28


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HOLY, nice avatar Minque!!


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This was pretty unusual, because most children at his age wanted to become great warriors, known all through time as saviors of, well, anything - Toroabok
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NEO256
post May 18 2005, 08:14 PM
Post #29


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Joined: 9-May 05
From: The Netherlands



Wow this is indeed some amazing stuf, but about the triple X part connected to my question on my own storry. It was very very short. I indeed made clear they where doing and I'm not going to attack you on this style, but it was like they started there love making and that she fell asleep in the middle of it. A short sentence like, "we had a long night" or "We went on for....., before I fell asleep" will make it look it actualy... hmmm how do you put this... ment something and that it was not just a quiky.

My opinion on this story, it's clear. Not to long and keeps you interested to read, enough emotion and that peas about the healing was realy realy good. Interaction with other character is also very good.

One thing about the scene at Caius Cosades. She cry's alot doesn't she, maybe it's her nature but I would like to know why she is so hit on by the things that happen to her. Did anything happen in her past that made her this censitive.


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minque
post May 19 2005, 03:19 PM
Post #30


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Neminda looked at me. ”Yes” she said,” please tell me”

I hesitated a bit; how I would tell her this in a good way. Her sister obviously wanted to get things sorted out, and I knew Elone a little bit, but I didn’t know this woman and I had the feeling I would need her, so the last thing I wished was to annoy her in any way.

I handed Neminda the ring Elone had given me and told her that her sister did not have any hard feelings and that she was sorry for the past....

When I said that, Neminda turned her head down and I saw tears emerge from her eyes. I didn’t really know what to do so I just stretched my hand out and the young Redguard grasped it and held tight. Then all of a sudden she raised her head again, wiped the tears away and looked me sternly in the eyes;

“You have brought me much joy, Serene Catraso, and I will forever be grateful to you for doing this, so if there is ever anything I can do for you in return, just let me know...”

I felt good doing this mission, and after taking a hearty farewell of Neminda, I made my way towards the Strider-port in order to finally go to Gnisis. As I rode north, I pondered on what events in the past had parted those two lovable sisters.

Gnisis turned out to be a miserable little village, a few odd-shaped buildings scattered along the shoreline, an Imperial Fortress rising beyond them......and not much more. I took a walk through the village in order to stretch my legs a bit after the tedious Silt-strider-journey. The villagers greeted me politely, but as in Ald´ruhn not very warmly. I asked about where to find General Darius and was told to seek him in the Madach Trade house.

Upon entering the Trade house I was received with suspicion; it was probably not appropriate for a single woman to even be here, but I shrugged my shoulders and asked where to find the General. He dwelt in the lower level of the establishment, I was told.....

“Ayyee, they just can’t be serious!” the General exclaimed as I told him who I was. “This is no task for a woman, these are serious matters, what in the name of Stendarr was he thinking, the old bugger?”

Even though I by now should have been used to being looked down on just for being female, I became furious;

“Look here Ser General! I did not come here voluntarily, I was ordered by the Emperor himself, to enroll in the Legion, so here I am whether you like it or not, you just have to accept it!”

I was shivering, my shirt was soaked with sweat, tears burning behind my eyelids, but I succeeded in staying composed. There would be no sign of weakness from me anymore, from now on I had to be strong, calm and very focused, otherwise I wouldn’t survive. That realization had grown strong during my stay on this godforsaken continent, where I seemed to be a puppet-on-a-string for someone.....yet unknown.

The General was stunned after my outbreak; apparently no woman had ever dared to talk to him the way I just did, but I had no regrets, being utterly tired of the male-chauvinism I had met in the last months.

“Hrrrmpfff, ok so what may be your name Recruit?” he said in a remarkably friendlier tone.

“Serene Catraso, Ser....originally from Cyrodiil,” my voice was clear and very calm despite the rage that still dwelt within me.

“Okay,” he looked at me, then his lips narrowed and he continued; “We’ll have to send you to a training-camp, let’s see......” he scratched himself on his genitals. I shrugged, knowing it must have been deliberate, just to make me feel uncomfortable... “ Ahh now I have it, you’ll go to Fort Buckmoth, that’s the Fortress near Ald´ruhn and report to Imsin –the-Whor....ehh Dreamer it is yes,” he laughed rather unpleasantly, undressing me with his gaze.

By then I really was sick and tired of his behaviour and wished I could tell him who my father was, but instead I took a deep breath to stay calm and said in a razor-sharp voice;

“Aye, ser General”

He then gave me an imperial chain cuirass, and told me to wear it anytime I addressed an officer in the Legion, and 100 septims for expenses.

When I came out from the Madach Trade house, I couldn’t stop the tears from running, I felt so humiliated and lonely, and had no one to turn to. Those very few who at least cared for me I had no more; Thavere I had to leave in Seyda Neen and Sedrane....oh when I thought of him I cried even more....

The man by the Strider gave me a piece of cloth to dry my face with as I embarked....he didn’t ask any questions, just showed me that small kindness. Grateful and deadly tired I fell asleep during the short trip to Ald´ruhn.

It was quite nasty weather in Ald´ruhn on my arrival, the ash-storm whirled the reddish ashes up in the air and I coughed heavily when trudging along the road to Fort Buckmoth. I tried to cover my nose and mouth with a corner of my robe but the ashes made my eyes run, and I could hardly see where I was going. Suddenly I heard a sound like someone in need, but I didn’t pay that much attention to it since no sensible human being would be outside in weather like this.

The whining sound grew louder as I arrived at the slope of the hill west from the Strider-port, and there, walking, or rather swaying in the storm I spotted a woman, far too poorly clad in just a skirt and a torn shirt. She was crying heavily and could be hurt, so I hurried to her side asking her what was the matter.

“Oh where’s my husband?” the woman cried, “We were attacked by nix-hounds, and..and....ohhhhh, where is he? Help me please!” The poor woman, a young Dunmeri with short spiky hair that should have been black, but was now covered with the reddish ashes, was crying so heavily she couldn’t speak.

I looked around; it was impossible to see more than a few inches ahead due to the whirling storm but I could hear some strange roaring and it filled me with fear. I had no idea what a nix-hound was but it sure didn’t sound good.

I decided to place the hysterical woman in a shelter beside a low boulder in order to protect her from the storm. Then I would try to find out what really happened before rushing into something unknown.

When we were sitting together in shelter of the boulder she told me what had happened:

“Aye, my name is Falanu Indaren and me and my husband was heading for Maar Gan to visit my mother who is old and poor, we can’t afford to take the Strider though, so we thought it would be a nice walk.......now we didn’t make it longer than here outside the town then the nix-hounds just attacked us....” Falanu started crying again and I put my arm around her shoulders.

“There now,” I tried to calm her down, but she just clung to me, wetting my robe with her tears. I held her until her crying diminished so she could continue her story.

“I´m used to nix-hounds,” she said, “the trick is to be still, to play dead if needed, then they lose interest and just ignore you, but if you try to fight back, or run away they attack immediately.” Falanu turned her face towards me; the tears had made clean lines in the dust on her cheeks, “He was scared, Drerel,” she said, “ He started to run away, shouting at me to follow, he didn’t hear me, I shouted at him not to run......” Falanu became silent. I rose to my feet, promising her to try and find Drerel.

“He ran away westwards from here,“she said, “He’s probably dead by now.”

I left Falanu Indaren in her shelter and headed west to try find her husband; the reason was obvious, at least to me ~Love! ~


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Chomh fada agus a bhionn daoine ah creiduint in aif�iseach, leanfaidh said na n-aingniomhi a choireamh (Voltaire)

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Fuzzy Knight
post May 19 2005, 03:46 PM
Post #31


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Hehe :hearts:

Nice written Minque, please post more today... :goodjob:
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treydog
post May 19 2005, 04:49 PM
Post #32


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It is hard for me to say more than I did at the "other forum," but I feel compelled to do so, because W4O has created such a wonderful home for all of us writers.

Minque, the depth and "reality" you bring to Serene's experiences makes this story stand on its own. We see her as a 3-dimensional person, still young enough to believe in love and justice, despite her own experiences. Yet she also feels that she must respect authority, even when it interferes with her desires.

Or to put it in East Tennessean, "You done good!"
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Soulseeker3.0
post May 19 2005, 09:33 PM
Post #33


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Great job Minque the General was a, errmm, very interesting character. don't forget to bring back Telemachos from the first Chapter at the training-camp.


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This was pretty unusual, because most children at his age wanted to become great warriors, known all through time as saviors of, well, anything - Toroabok
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jonajosa
post May 19 2005, 10:04 PM
Post #34


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[quote=treydog]
Or to put it in East Tennessean, "You done good!"[/quote]

Or in the Western North Carolinian, "You keep it up now ya hear!"

:goodjob:
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minque
post May 19 2005, 10:10 PM
Post #35


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[quote=Soulseeker3.0]Great job Minque the General was a, errmm, very interesting character. don't forget to bring back Telemachos from the first Chapter at the training-camp.[/quote]

Oh..you liked General Darius? Well well, even generals have their bad habits.. wink.gif

Telemachos.....well you see he will come back, but not right yet, he´s a bit more cruisal to this story than just being at a training camp, you wait and see, wait and see tongue.gif


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Chomh fada agus a bhionn daoine ah creiduint in aif�iseach, leanfaidh said na n-aingniomhi a choireamh (Voltaire)

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Soulseeker3.0
post May 19 2005, 10:19 PM
Post #36


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fine sad.gif i'll wait. lol no I didn't realy like him.


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This was pretty unusual, because most children at his age wanted to become great warriors, known all through time as saviors of, well, anything - Toroabok
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Burnt Sierra
post May 21 2005, 11:14 AM
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Three days without coming online. Torture I tell you, especially as I suspected this would have been updated. But now all is right with the world. An update, comments in usual place and if you add the story to the other place then comments will go there too, my virus is finally gone, and I'm happy. Can there be a greater compliment to an author? An update makes me happy. Cheers Minque smile.gif
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Wolfie
post May 21 2005, 03:36 PM
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I finally caught up with this story lol biggrin.gif
Great work Minque, keep it up :goodjob:


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D�anaim smaoineamh, d� bhr� sin, t�im ann - Descartes

Only the dead have seen the end of war ~ Plato

Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed. - G.K. Chesterton

EnsamVarg
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Elongar
post May 25 2005, 06:22 PM
Post #39


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One day, I will take this all, plonk it into a Word document and read it through a gazillion times!


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Power of the Shadow made human flesh,
wakened to turmoil, strife and ruin.
The Reborn One, marked and bleeding,
dances the sword in dreams and mist,
chains the Shadowsworn to his will,
from the city, lost and forsaken,
leads the spears to war once more,
breaks the spears and makes them see,
truth long hidden in the ancient dream.
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Burnt Sierra
post May 25 2005, 06:45 PM
Post #40


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[quote=Elongar]One day, I will take this all, plonk it into a Word document and read it through a gazillion times![/quote]

hehe, some of us have already done that smile.gif except of course I don't have word, openoffice will have to suffice for now. We're very lucky on these forums, to have so many stories that I want to read over and over again. A good thing indeed. smile.gif
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