Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

2 Pages V  1 2 >  
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> Unshelled Bullets, First Fan fiction Draught
grif11
post Jun 3 2011, 11:25 PM
Post #1


Finder
Group Icon
Joined: 22-December 10
From: Merry Old England



ok, Im no writer, but heres a little prologue that should introduce the story and let non-vegas players get an idea for the setting.

Prologue


The Mojave Wasteland. Most folks think of it as a barren desert, filled with nothing but gangs of chem-crazed convicts and mutant bugs. Not a bad description, but us wastelanders see a lot more than the puddles of irradiated ooze. We made homes in the crumbling ruins of the cities, We tamed the more useful mutated animals and hell, we even made our own card game.

I'm a peace-keeper by trade. I travel from town to town, helping people with problems and putting bullets in legion skulls. Sometimes though, I'll see a pretty little nik-nak that the owner doesn't seem to be watching, and it might "go missing". I like to think of it as a bonus that they forgot to mention. Still, people love me.

While I'm sitting at a campfire, cooking up a pot of squirrel stew, Travellers sometimes spot me and have a seat next to me and my posse. They always ask me the same thing: "Go on! tell us how you got so damn famous!"
I always tell them the same thing, that I Retired from NCR and put my skills to better use. Its not a lie, but its not the whole story. I'm getting on now, and it's about time I let the world know the REAL story of Raymond Will.

Mojave wasteland:

IPB Image

CONSTRUCTIVE criticism welcome!

This post has been edited by grif11: Jun 4 2011, 09:36 PM


--------------------
~Salutes~ I am dave! Yognaught.

Unshelled Bullets - A weary sniper tells his story of law and sacrifice.
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
King Coin
post Jun 4 2011, 04:39 AM
Post #2


Master
Group Icon
Joined: 6-January 11



Hmm not sure what to say other than you have me interested!


--------------------
Aravi: A Khajiit in Skyrim

Recipient of the Colonel Mustard Official Badge of Awesomeosity
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
hazmick
post Jun 4 2011, 05:01 AM
Post #3


Mouth
Group Icon
Joined: 28-July 10
From: North



I've never played new vegas, this could be good. biggrin.gif You also have me interested.


--------------------
Cirinwe

"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."

"...a quotation is a handy thing to have about, saving one the trouble of thinking for oneself, always a laborious business."
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
mALX
post Jun 4 2011, 05:16 AM
Post #4


Ancient
Group Icon
Joined: 14-March 10
From: Cyrodiil, the Wastelands, and BFE TN



I've played New Vegas and loved it with a few reservations that had to do with a game ending crash that corrupted all the save files, lol.

An interesting beginning, and Welcome to the fic forum !!!


--------------------
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
ureniashtram
post Jun 4 2011, 10:47 AM
Post #5


Knower
Group Icon
Joined: 12-October 09
From: The River Acheron to the Gates of Hell.




Grif The Eleventh? Writing a FanFic? By the blessing of great Caesar himself, this must be the end of the world!! Hehe, just kidding. The intro, short though as it may be, promises readers an interesting ride!

Thought you'd write something about the Final Fantasy series, but I'm grateful you chose Fallout (something i'm more familiar with)!


--------------------
Djinn: What wish would you like to have, young master?
Random dude: SUPA POWAZ!
--
Djinn: Is there anything I could make true, lord?
Old guy: .. Youth and charisma.
--
Djinn: Your heart speaks of wanting. I could make it true, milord.
Me: Hmmm. I wish to know what I want. Then you could hook me up in some insidious deal, spirit.
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Grits
post Jun 4 2011, 03:18 PM
Post #6


Councilor
Group Icon
Joined: 6-November 10
From: The Gold Coast



Iím a non-Vegas player, so thank you for setting the scene so well. smile.gif Iíll be reading!


--------------------
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
grif11
post Jun 4 2011, 05:43 PM
Post #7


Finder
Group Icon
Joined: 22-December 10
From: Merry Old England



King coin, Hazmick and mALX - Good to know I've got you interested!

ureniashtram - thanks! Like I said, this is just a first draught. Once I finish, I'll probably rewrite a lot of it, but I'll make sure to announce it. (also I thought of doing something for final fantasy, maybe if people like my work...)

grits - I'm glad you think I set the scene well.

I'm going to put a bit more time into my next chapter, but I (hopefully) won't disapoint anyone.


--------------------
~Salutes~ I am dave! Yognaught.

Unshelled Bullets - A weary sniper tells his story of law and sacrifice.
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Zalphon
post Jun 5 2011, 02:18 AM
Post #8


Knower
Group Icon
Joined: 17-March 10
From: Somewhere Outside Plato's Cave.



A Vegas Fan-fic, this should be good smile.gif


--------------------
"You have the same twenty-four hours as me; don't be mad just because you don't use yours like I do." -Tupac Shakur
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
grif11
post Jun 6 2011, 04:53 PM
Post #9


Finder
Group Icon
Joined: 22-December 10
From: Merry Old England



chapter 1: On a Limb and a Prayer.


From an early age, I've learned to fend for myself. My Mother died when I was five and God knows where my dad went! I wasn't raised in one of those vaults, I was born out in a small settlement called Novac. A quaint little village that most travellers heading for new vegas have to by.Thats if they dont want to charge through the irradiated camp searchlight, or head through a nest of deathclaws. Not much of interest, except the gift shop dinosaur that I spent most my childhood inside.

It was there I met one of the town snipers. He called himself Eagle, but I never found out his real name. Everyday, I would wake up from under the dinosaur and climb up to the head, where Eagle and I would talk the hours away. He was the closest thing to a Father I ever had. Sometimes, when he spotted a molerat on a hill, he would give me his rifle and let me take a few shots at it. It was rare for me to ever shoot anywhere near the bloody pests. That changed one day.

That day, Eagle made a bet with me "Hey son, the night snipers off for today, so I've got to take his shift, meaning I'll be stuck up here all night. So, I've got a proposition for you. if you can hit that radscorpion down on the road, I'll buy you a gun of your own. Not one of those boring BB guns either. A proper hunting rifle, with a scope. If you miss though, you gotta be my helper through the night, carrying water and food up to me, being my spotter, and cleaning out these jars!" I could see in his eyes he thought I couldn't do it, but I guess that just made me more determined.

I took up the pose he took whenever he got ready to take his shot. I went down on one knee and took the scope up to my eye. I carefully steadied the sight on the radscorpions abdomen and held my breath. The scorpion seemed to be resting, the only movement It made was the shiver of its tail. I lined up my shot and squeezed the trigger. I was too frightened to look at first. If I had missed, I'd be scrubbing eagles jars all night. I took a quick glance at the road, and saw the radscorpion, crawling away.
"Well done!" Eagle exclaimed, while patting me on the back.
"B-But I missed!"
"Look again, son". Sure enough, the radscorp was missing a leg, with a trail of blood following it. That was probably the greatest moment of my life.

Sure enough, the next day I woke up next to the rifle Eagle promised, along with some magazines. From then on, I took that rifle wherever I went. Even now, the old things laying under my desk. Slowly, in time, my skills were improving.

And slowly, Eagle's health was dwindling. ohmy.gif

The rifle
IPB Image


This post has been edited by grif11: Jun 6 2011, 04:57 PM


--------------------
~Salutes~ I am dave! Yognaught.

Unshelled Bullets - A weary sniper tells his story of law and sacrifice.
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
mALX
post Jun 6 2011, 05:49 PM
Post #10


Ancient
Group Icon
Joined: 14-March 10
From: Cyrodiil, the Wastelands, and BFE TN



Great Chapter !!! I loved this foreshadowing:

QUOTE

Slowly, in time, my skills were improving. And slowly, Eagle's health was dwindling.


Also, having screens in your story is going to make it Awesome too !! Great Write, and I love the storyline you are creating !!


--------------------
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
King Coin
post Jun 6 2011, 10:40 PM
Post #11


Master
Group Icon
Joined: 6-January 11



So the hero's a sniper. I can't remember, is Eagle the name of an NPC or did you just make him up?


--------------------
Aravi: A Khajiit in Skyrim

Recipient of the Colonel Mustard Official Badge of Awesomeosity
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
grif11
post Jun 6 2011, 10:49 PM
Post #12


Finder
Group Icon
Joined: 22-December 10
From: Merry Old England



QUOTE(King Coin @ Jun 6 2011, 10:40 PM) *

So the hero's a sniper. I can't remember, is Eagle the name of an NPC or did you just make him up?


I made him up. When Ray makes it to adulthood, the time is before the Couriers story, but I will keep the normal NPCs at that point. Maybe with one or two additions.

if anyone feels I could improve anything, send me a message with your suggestions


--------------------
~Salutes~ I am dave! Yognaught.

Unshelled Bullets - A weary sniper tells his story of law and sacrifice.
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
grif11
post Jun 8 2011, 10:56 PM
Post #13


Finder
Group Icon
Joined: 22-December 10
From: Merry Old England



mALX - Thanks for the compliments!

It means alot, coming from an experienced Fic-Writer

All - chapter 2:Empty nest is now in progress.

This post has been edited by grif11: Jun 8 2011, 11:00 PM


--------------------
~Salutes~ I am dave! Yognaught.

Unshelled Bullets - A weary sniper tells his story of law and sacrifice.
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
grif11
post Jun 9 2011, 07:17 PM
Post #14


Finder
Group Icon
Joined: 22-December 10
From: Merry Old England



Chapter 2: Empty Nest


Eagle was an old man. Nearing seventy, most people knew his time was short. Sure enough, At the age of 13,
I climbed up to the dino head, only to find it abandoned. As I turned to leave, Dan, the night sniper, came
up the stairs. "Wheres Eagle?" I asked him.
"Kid, I think its best if you see for yourself." And with that, he took me by the shoulder and lead me down the stairs.

I knew straight away something was wrong. On the few times I had met dan, he wouldnt look me in the eye. Eagle said he had never trusted children, stereotyping them as thieving whelps. It was unusual for him to talk to me, let alone take me by the shoulder. He had brought me to Eagle's bungalow, the sound of soft, western music playing faintly. As I entered, I felt death greet me.

Eagle was lying in his bed, staring blankly at the ceiling, with one of the followers of the apocalypse by his bedside.
"Whats wrong with him!" I whisspered nervously to her.
"Oh little one," She said in a soft tone. "I'm afraid this birds flown for the last time."
"What do you mean!" I shouted at her.
"He is in a terrible condition. I'm afraid at his age, theres nothing we can do."
She said, with that look that people give you when they want to say "Its okay to let it out."

And I did. I sat beside the follower and rested my head on the covers, letting tears fall out my eyes silently. As I cried, she put her arm around me, trying to comfort me. It didnt work. Even dan came and sat beside me, Muttering words of comfort, like "C'mon now son, he had a good life," and "We can hold a funeral if you like."

Finally, Dan left, and The follower said she would be back in the mornig. Then it was just me and Eagle, who was still staring at the ceiling."S-Son," he whispered to me, faintly. "Th-the box. desk." I leaped up and grabbed the metal box, and heard something rattling inside. Placing it next to Eagle, he muttered once more,"Open."

Carefully removing the lid, I peeked inside. A note, a satchel, and a strange computer. As I turned back to Eagle, I saw him reaching for me, shakily, with a small smile across his face. I held his hand, and could feel Tears swelling in my eyes again. "Y-you, will make me proud," he wheezed silently."Y-you are the eagle now."

And with that, he let out one last breath, and was then flying as an Eagle should. I spent that night sleeping on the stool with my head beside Eagles weathered hand, wishing I could be with him.
________________________________________________________________________________


Well, I hope its not too sappy.


--------------------
~Salutes~ I am dave! Yognaught.

Unshelled Bullets - A weary sniper tells his story of law and sacrifice.
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
grif11
post Jun 12 2011, 12:44 AM
Post #15


Finder
Group Icon
Joined: 22-December 10
From: Merry Old England



I Hope Im not talking to myself, but chapter 3: Taking flight is now underway.


--------------------
~Salutes~ I am dave! Yognaught.

Unshelled Bullets - A weary sniper tells his story of law and sacrifice.
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Grits
post Jun 12 2011, 01:09 AM
Post #16


Councilor
Group Icon
Joined: 6-November 10
From: The Gold Coast



Sniping from inside a gift shop dinosaur is an image that will stay with me. I think it was touching that when the man he thinks of as his father dies, he wants to spend one last night just sitting with him. Not to mention he still has that rifle. I have no idea what the stuff Eagle gave him means, but I look forward to finding out!


--------------------
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
mALX
post Jun 23 2011, 04:26 AM
Post #17


Ancient
Group Icon
Joined: 14-March 10
From: Cyrodiil, the Wastelands, and BFE TN



Sorry it took so long to get here and read this, it has been an unbearably hectic month for me so far.

This scene was powerful and moving! Not sappy at all, just very well done.

If I had any nit at all it would be to capitalize Dan (proper name), and a couple spelling errors. Nothing bad, nothing hurt the immersion of this scene at all. Awesome write, you knocked this one out of the park !!


--------------------
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
King Coin
post Jun 23 2011, 04:45 AM
Post #18


Master
Group Icon
Joined: 6-January 11



How did I neglect to comment? I've kept up with this and I like the story a lot. The waste land will be a very dangerous place and I look forward to the creative trouble you can get into.

Boone was one of my favorite companions. Will he be featured?


--------------------
Aravi: A Khajiit in Skyrim

Recipient of the Colonel Mustard Official Badge of Awesomeosity
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
grif11
post Jul 6 2011, 11:08 PM
Post #19


Finder
Group Icon
Joined: 22-December 10
From: Merry Old England



I'm delighted my little fanfic isn't a failure, and Im sorry I havent updated in ages. Most of you will know I moved house recently so I havent had any time to write. I hope to get the next chapter up within the week.

Coin - I'm still not sure how to include Boone without doing one of the worst fanfic crimes ive seen loads of times: Just write about your character doing the main quest line. devilsad.gif I promise I'll find a way, though

Thanks again for reading everyone!

This post has been edited by grif11: Jul 6 2011, 11:23 PM


--------------------
~Salutes~ I am dave! Yognaught.

Unshelled Bullets - A weary sniper tells his story of law and sacrifice.
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
mALX
post Jul 7 2011, 12:43 AM
Post #20


Ancient
Group Icon
Joined: 14-March 10
From: Cyrodiil, the Wastelands, and BFE TN



QUOTE(grif11 @ Jul 6 2011, 06:08 PM) *

I'm delighted my little fanfic isn't a failure, and Im sorry I havent updated in ages. Most of you will know I moved house recently so I havent had any time to write. I hope to get the next chapter up within the week.

Coin - I'm still not sure how to include Boone without doing one of the worst fanfic crimes ive seen loads of times: Just write about your character doing the main quest line. devilsad.gif I promise I'll find a way, though

Thanks again for reading everyone!



I know how moves can knock you out of doing what you like, lol. We're waiting !!


--------------------
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post

2 Pages V  1 2 >
Reply to this topicStart new topic
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

 

- Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 23rd November 2020 - 10:31 PM