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> The Broom, a short story
jack cloudy
post Jul 12 2006, 02:42 PM
Post #1

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Joined: 11-February 06
From: In a cold place.

Alright, I was busy modding today and this story just kinda grew while I was trying out things. It is a short but funny story. At least, I think it's funny. biggrin.gif

The broom:

Hello there, this is your friendly explorer, Jack Cloudy. I have recently experienced something remarkable, something extraordinary. It was so weird I took my chance and wrote it all down.

It all began when I was wandering along the Bitter Coast region. The Bitter Coast is known for Mud Crabs, Slaughterfish and its general swampy appearance. I’d set out that morning from Hla Oad, a small fishing village that has recently become a lot smaller now that all the slavers there had ‘an accidental encounter with several oversized fireballs, two tornadoes, one collapsing cave and a good old bit of Iron’. And no, I am not responsible. Not directly, anyway.

Now where was I? Oh yes, I was travelling south from Hla Oad and managed to keep up quite a good pace. I think I have to thank my custom-built Dwemer Fireball-Centurion who kept away all those pesky Cliffracers that infest the island. I ignored the tombs I passed cause as everyone knows, there’s always an adventurer who loots them. I seriously wonder why anyone would even bother filling their tombs with treasure (and their ash).

Ahem, I digress. I arrived at another small village, Seyda Neen, in time for lunch. Now Seyda Neen is well known for the enormous amount of former Imperial prisoners they dump there. Seyda Neen has the unique honour of having provided over half of all the non-Dunmer that live on the island, as well as several Dunmer. Those bloody racists always manage to get into trouble in the other provinces.

Now I parked my Centurion under a tree and then went to the tradehouse for my lunch. As you all know, you can’t quite trust the food they deliver in these small dumps so I had to use my talent to poof my own food into existence. I did leave a small bag of money to pay for the chair I used. I mean, I can always make more money, right?

I soon found myself in a conversation with the locals. Among the stories of missing Tax collectors, death murderers, lost rings and falling mages, I also got to hear a few interesting things. When I asked who actually lived in town, I soon caught onto something interesting. It appears that there has been an abandoned shack behind the lighthouse for quite a few years. But the interesting thing is, no one actually remembers that shack. They are all convinced that it has been there for years but they only remember it since a few days back.

I finished my lunch and went out with the intention of further investigating the matter. As expected, the guards all claimed to be too busy patrolling and looking for the smugglers who were living right next door. Oh well, when was the last time they actually helped anyone? So in the end, I decided to just head over to the shack and take a look for myself.

There was indeed a shack behind the lighthouse. I created a simple Iron dagger which I held in one hand. You can find rats anywhere these days so it is best to be prepared. I opened the door and stepped inside. It was then that I wished I’d created something bigger than a small dagger.

Inside, I came face to face with a large Dremora Lord…..holding a broom.
,,Who are you?! And wipe your feet! I just cleaned!” It roared at me. I am quite sure that all the Cliffracers from here to Hla Oad fell out of the sky when they heard that noise. Now if anyone here has ever encountered a mighty Dremora holding a broom like a maid, please raise your hand. I summoned a triple-layered barrier out of instinct which cause several pieces of furniture to go flying.
,,No, not the flowers!” The Dremora shouted. It was clearly very angry, but Zit didn’t make any aggressive move. After realizing this, I removed my barrier and took out my notebook instead. I raised my freshly summoned pen and began to ask.

,,So, sir Dremora. I heard that this shack was abandoned and came to investigate.” I told it with a friendly smile. Now I seriously don’t know if Daedra understand human expressions, but it never hurts to try. The Dremora put away the broom and sat down on a bench that made some disturbing sounds under the Daedra’s weight.
,,Well, it isn’t abandoned as you can see. It is my master who has abandoned me!”

This was interesting. It appeared that someone had summoned this Dremora.
,,Could you tell me about your master perhaps?”
The Dremora stared at me for a moment and then nodded.
,,Yes mortal, I can tell you a few things. My master calls himself Ro-El the Wacky. Well I can certainly understand why he is wacky. Just look at me! But what can you expect from those furballs anyway? They’re all high on this substance you call Moon Sugar. Now Ro-El the Wacky is a Khajiit, he wears a brown robe and constantly acts….Well, wacky.”

,,And where do you get involved with this story?” I interrupted the Dremora. All this time, I was frantically writing down what it said.
,,Now Ro-El the…I refuse to say it again! He built this shack a few days ago. He then summoned me before leaving to find his ‘Path that is no Path’. Something like that, anyway. He told me to keep the place neat while he was gone and to do some shopping. Shopping! I am a Dremora, I exist to destroy, not to clean and go shopping! He wanted some flowers on the table and left some money to buy bread with.”

The Dremora pointed at the neatly stacked pile of coins lying on the table.
,,So why does everyone think that this shack has been here for a few years?” I asked it once it had calmed down a bit.
,,I did that. I don’t want anyone to see me like this so I made them all think that there’s nothing interesting to see. A new shack would be interesting, but an old one wouldn’t. I couldn’t let anyone come here and tell the tale. I would be laughed at by all the other Daedra for eternity! Me, the maid of a crazy Khajiit! Say, you won’t tell anyone right?”

I nodded that I wouldn’t before launching my next question.
,,Why are there bits of Chitin lying in the corner?”
,,That? I asked my master for weapons, so that I could at least defend this place from intruders, and so I could have some dignity. That fool then gave me a Chitin dagger. A CHITIN DAGGER! Not even mortals use these! I snapped it like a twig and threw it into the corner.”

Its tirade was interrupted by an annoying sound coming from outside the shack.
,,Damn Cliffracers! I shall tear out your feathers and use your bones to make soup!” The Dremora shouted as it got up and ran out with the broom. I followed it outside to watch. The Dremora had raised its broom to whack the Cliffracer when a fireball the size of a building flew past and turned said Cliffracer, and most of the broom, into a small pile of ash that landed on the Dremora.

I’d forgotten about my Centurion that I’d parked underneath the tree. It seemed that it was still in its ‘Cliffracer eradication mode’.
,,My broom! Now what will he say when he comes back?!”
I pitied the massive Daedra. To cheer it up, I summoned a new broom together with a Scamp.
,,You, take over the Dremora’s job. It’s got better things to do than cleaning.”
As the Scamp scurried off into the shack to continue cleaning, I presented the Dremora with a fine Daedric Claymore.

,,Why don’t you go on a quest to kill all Cliffracers? Even the Daedra hate these things. They’ll see you as a hero if you kill those pests.” I told it.
The Dremora picked up the Claymore and looked at the shack for the last time.
,,I believe I shall do that. Farewell, mortal. I am in your debt.” It said and walked away through town, causing all the guards and villagers to run away. I smiled and went back to my Centurion. I left Seyda Neen and went to Pelagiad where I spent the night.

I am sure that I won’t forget the Dremora and the broom easily. It is safe to talk about now. With the Dremora on a quest to destroy all Cliffracers, none of the Daedra will take my story seriously.

Yo bartender, another Flin please!

Fabulous hairneedle attack! I'm gonna be bald before I hit twenty.
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post Jul 12 2006, 09:48 PM
Post #2

Wise Woman
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Joined: 11-February 05
From: Where I can watch you!!

He he......nice Cloudy! Reeeeeeally nice! You´re a good one ya hear! Continue writing please!

Chomh fada agus a bhionn daoine ah creiduint in aif�iseach, leanfaidh said na n-aingniomhi a choireamh (Voltaire)


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post Jul 12 2006, 11:07 PM
Post #3

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Joined: 10-November 05
From: Tel Delvanni

haha...true minue, I agree with you here.

You have a distinc most funny way to write things Cloudy, and whatever you write, always manages to turn out hysterically funny, thanks for being here with us...and goodjob.gif continue writing.

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The Metal Mallet
post Jul 12 2006, 11:52 PM
Post #4

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Joined: 18-June 06
From: Kitchener, ON, Canada

Short story bliss! That's all there is to it. Bliss!

The funnies were consistant, there was action (of sorts), very interesting.

Highly enjoyable, it will be interesting to see if you do another one of these while you're writing X-Scrolls.

I am currently a Writer in The Order of Schola.
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"This body, holding me makes me feel eternal. All this pain is an illusion" - Parabola (Tool)
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Lord Revan
post Jul 13 2006, 12:22 AM
Post #5

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Joined: 6-May 06
From: Texas, USA

laugh.gif "Cliff-racer eradication mode"? laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif oh your killing me!!!!

PS: I really need a ROFL smily
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post Oct 27 2009, 01:03 AM
Post #6


Joined: 26-October 09

lol this was halerios(spelled wrong i no lol)
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post Apr 13 2011, 12:05 AM
Post #7

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Joined: 22-December 10
From: Merry Old England

Great little story, kept me amused for a while.

Ive got a request for a picture of a dremora in a maid outfit! biggrin.gif pleeeaase?

~Salutes~ I am dave! Yognaught.

Unshelled Bullets - A weary sniper tells his story of law and sacrifice.
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