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Posted by: foxo Mar 20 2006, 12:10 AM

Sorry if this is late, I have been here before, but it was looking fairly dead, so I didnt post anything. I have a short poem here, about a ruthless killer. Criticism please.

The Death-Wife


Swiftly she ran
Silently she killed
Softly she kissed
Her deeds fulfilled.

Bringer of death
Taker of life
A kiss her gift
Beware the wife.

She that walks the shadows
She that kills for bliss
She shall end your life
With but a kiss.

Hark, be weary
A warning given
The death-wife lurks
True intentions hidden.


Edit: changed "with only a kiss" to with but a kiss, better flow?
PS: thanks brgenerator!

Posted by: brgenerator Mar 20 2006, 12:54 PM

good work, i enjoyed that!

Posted by: stargate525 Mar 23 2006, 04:55 AM

very nice.

Posted by: vaanic~one Mar 23 2006, 12:14 PM

I love the "death-wife" title. It's just so true! Well done!

Posted by: foxo Mar 24 2006, 09:02 AM

Thanks!

Posted by: Languein Apr 23 2006, 05:22 AM

Very Good, Great work.

Posted by: Mazelure Apr 23 2006, 11:54 PM

This was a very good composed poem

Kudos FOXO Kudos

Posted by: Ibis Jun 4 2006, 10:33 AM

I like it too. I hope it didn't mean all wives are death wife's though - if s0, I must be the small amount of cyinide in yer oatmeal every morning type ... 29 year marriage, that's a slow kill

Posted by: foxo Jun 12 2006, 03:13 AM