Funny Moments In Fanfics, Post Your Favorite Funny Scene From Someone Else's Fic Options

[mALX]

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I'd like this thread to be used as a tribute to all the writers on the FanFic Forum here at Chorrol - please feel free to add any tidbits you find in anyone's story while reading!!





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I'll start off with one of my faves:


Tellie: The chronicles of Salina Delvanni



Lachance giving you a problem? Just tell him you'll go Tellie on his butt and watch him run, lol.


Here is a little sample of what Tellie did to Lachance in "The chronicles of Salina Delvanni" - I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life:

The man laughed a bit. "Thats true, but still you are a murderer, and I, I am Lucien Lachance, a speaker for the Dark Brotherhood, and a member of the Black Hand, and we would like to offer you a place amongst us".

I looked down at my hand for a moment, feeling rage mount up in me, but I concealed it as giddyness, "Yes..." I said as I rose up from the floor, and sheathed the dagger, with a swift movement I rammed my knee into his groin, and was pleased to hear him whimper in pain, as he dropped to the floor cluthing his lower areas..."YOU BROKE MY FINGERNAIL...NEVER BREAK A WOMAN'S FINGERNAIL" I yelled at him, and delivered another kick and was pleased to hear him whimper again 'poor bugger propably never been this humiliated before'I thought with a smirk.

Followed by this scene:

So”, a dark creepy voice awoke me, and true enough there stood Lucien Lachance, whom had now added what looked like metal plating in the crotch area of his black robe.

This post has been edited by mALX: Feb 12 2011, 06:26 PM

[mALX]

Rachel The Breton and her fic: Edward The Imperial


I could quote the entire story, but for right now I'll just post her unusual ending to the Umbacano questline...when Edward wants to rest up in Cadlew Chapel (of all places) ...and is still convinced Claude Maric is Umbacano's male prostitute - don't ask.

Edward saw what it was that had assailed him. It – he – was the prostitute, Claude Maric, lying atop him, his face mere inches from his own.

“Ahhhhh!” Edward screeched again, fighting in vain to free himself from his assailant. To his horror, he found his hands bound. His eyes widened in renewed mortification. Clearly, this too was the work of the prostitute – to render him powerless to escape his vile attentions.

Edward began to thrash this way and that, trying to force his assailant off him, all the while screeching in horror. Maric spoke something in a muffled tone, and shielded his face from the Imperial's blows, as he rolled away from him.

***

Edward, partially bound, was wielding a small dagger, and Maric, a rope tied round his hands and another around his feet, was still managing to pummel him with what looked to be a severed arm.

***
He managed to beat Edward again and again with it – a splatting stroke on the head here, on the arm there, on the face again. The Imperial, for his part, was cursing and lunging rather hopelessly with his dagger, either tripping on the other man's ropes or being rebuffed by his macabre fleshy weapon each time.

***

“This blithering coward drew a knife on me!” Maric shouted. “I tried to get him to escape, but he...”

“Liar!” Edward shot back. “I woke up to this sick son of a Breton trying to kiss me!”

“Kiss you?” the Breton blanched. “I'd sooner chew on that maggot-infested arm than touch my mouth to yours, you putrid animal!”

“A likely story!” the Imperial sneered. “You spotted your chance, now that Umbaccano is dead, and tried to take it. And if you weren't interested in kissing me – and worse – what were you doing on top of me like that? And with your mouth right above mine -”

“Ye gods!” Claude recoiled, seeming to go green at the very suggestion. “You are as dense as you are disgusting! I fell off the table, trying to wake your stupid -”

“So you randomly go around kissing people after you fall?” Edward snorted.

“How could I kiss you?! I was gagged!”

“That didn't stop you from trying!”

“That's it!” Maric shouted, reaching for the weapon he'd dropped. “I'm going to do what I should have done a long time ago...”

“Not if I finish you first,” Edward snarled, retrieving his dagger. “I'll show you what I think of your 'attentions'... ”

******

The Breton rolled his eyes. “Yes, yes, of course...how could I forget the whole 'kissing episode.'”

“Exactly!”

“You're pathetic,” Maric sighed, his lip upturned in disgust.

Edward stared in astonishment at him. “Coming from someone who ties people up so that -”

“I didn't tie you up, you moron!” the Breton interrupted. “I told you – the Necromancers tied both of us up! I was trying to wake you up so you could escape before they came back.”

Edward rolled his eyes. “I'm sure you were.”

The expression of disgust had returned to the Breton's face. “I can't stand you...why the hell would I want to...to...to...” His face contorted with mortification at the idea, he trailed off, as if at a loss for words, so reprehensible was the idea to his mind of any form of physical contact with Edward.

The Imperial loosed a short, sarcastic laugh. “Nice try, Maric...but no one believes you.”

[mALX]

From Grits: Jerric's Story, A Nord's Adventures in Cyrodiil

Jerric eased his arm out from under the frizzy head. He hoped that the wrinkled back belonged to a female. His nose told him that she used perfume instead of soap. He stuffed himself into his trousers and carefully gathered up his clothes. While he was searching for his other sock he heard a snorting cough and froze. He kept his eyes averted. There are some things I am better off not knowing, he decided. He picked up his boots and fled.

***

"She didn't have any teeth in the front," Velwyn explained. "She thought you would like that."

[Jacki Dice]

Hmmmm should I cut and paste 95% of Maxical's antics?

Though out of everything I read so far, her comparison about Gils' manhood to a turtle made me cry from laughing so hard. Hell I still laugh about it

Of course there's this gem from Jerric's Story by my favorite thing for breakfast Grits:

Maglir filled his goblet. “What happened to you, sit on a minotaur horn?”

“Servilla the Serpent.”

This post has been edited by Jacki Dice: Feb 8 2011, 08:38 AM

[mALX]

SubRosa: Teresa of the Faint Smile, Adventures of a Stringy Bosmer

And then he says to me, 'well a hole's a hole after all!', as if I'm not going to care!"

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"I can't believe I let you talk me into doing this," Dynari said, adjusting the plunging neckline of the cropped top that she wore.

"Talk you into doing this?" Methredhel laughed. "Pretending to be prostitutes was your idea."


***

Methredhel could feel the Imperial's hips grinding against her back. "Five drakes apiece, and we'll open an Oblivion Gate between your legs!"

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This post has been edited by mALX: Feb 8 2011, 08:43 AM

[mALX]

Hmmmm should I cut and paste 95% of Maxical's antics?

Though out of everything I read so far, her comparison about Gils' manhood to a turtle made me cry from laughing so hard. Hell I still laugh about it

Of course there's this gem from Jerric's Story by my favorite thing for breakfast Grits:

Maglir filled his goblet. “What happened to you, sit on a minotaur horn?”

“Servilla the Serpent.”

SPEW !!! Oh, I remember that one!!!

[mALX]

Acadian: Buffy the Bowgirl, Adventures in Tamriel

Did you bring breakfast?" The orc hungrily eyed the mare beneath me.

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[mALX]

Treydog: Blood on the Moon, A Journey of Discovery

I had already had one bath- and it wasn’t even Sundas.

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[mALX]

Naughty Haute Ecole Rider: Old Habits Die Hard


See if you can say these lines five times fast without getting Dherty In-you-endo:

Finally the axe blade shattered, leaving him with half a shaft in his two fists.

***

The big Orc had little else of value, so I left him with his shattered axe.

[Acadian]

Hee! What a fun thread! Bless you, mALX for coming up with the idea!

Here's one from my own story (Episode 9) that caused Mrs Acadian to spew her diet coke. I was rather surprised when no one cued on it when posted:

"Give me your gold." His tone was cruel, as yellow eyes hungrily sized me up. I could clearly see the huge axe on his back now as he stood by my left knee. My mind raced as I conjured all sorts of horrible images, and I wasn't sure at all that surrendering my gold would end his demands. My most precious possession was between my legs after all. I mean, Superian could fetch a price that far exceeded all the gold I carried.

[mALX]

Hee! What a fun thread! Bless you, mALX for coming up with the idea!

Here's one from my own story (Episode 9) that caused Mrs Acadian to spew her diet coke. I was rather surprised when no one cued on it when posted:

"Give me your gold." His tone was cruel, as yellow eyes hungrily sized me up. I could clearly see the huge axe on his back now as he stood by my left knee. My mind raced as I conjured all sorts of horrible images, and I wasn't sure at all that surrendering my gold would end his demands. My most precious possession was between my legs after all. I mean, Superian could fetch a price that far exceeded all the gold I carried.

SPEW!! I remember that one !!

[mALX]

Jacki Dice: Champion of Madness, ~A Shivering Isles story

He was pretty clean too. Bacchus may have been a hot piece of beefcake, but damn he got musky quick and sadly, he was not friends with the bath. Another thing, Wrothken was always around and not only brought food home, but cooked it too.

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Kalila began screaming in terror.

"W-what's wrong?"

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"He's...deformed!" She cried out.

"Dearie, what are you talking about?"

He heard mumbling and then Bernice's laughter. "Oh, sweetie, that's not deformed. All men have that."

"It's repulsive!" She made a gagging noise. "I never want to see anything like it again!" The patrons chuckled a little.

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"Great..." Wrothken said. "Still doesn't help that the whole town thinks I've got some sort of deformity lurking in my pants."

"I know, I know. Just give it time, and it'll blow over.

(Which segment cannot be considered complete without Foxy's comment):

WHAT???

The Deformity will BLOW OVER???

This post has been edited by mALX: Feb 8 2011, 06:27 PM

[mALX]

Another Treydog, from "Blood On The Moon"

Tymvaul In The Well

He did not answer, but stopped his circling long enough to pick up a small portrait from the fireplace mantle. He handed it to me with a pleading look in his brown eyes and panted, "Tymvaul." I glanced at the portrait and saw a younger version of the man who had now resumed his loping circuit of the room. Before I could ask any more questions, he darted outside with a series of sharp, wordless exclamations and a glance over his shoulder to see if I was following. When I stepped out the door, he raced around the side of the house, heading west. Again I followed, only to find him pacing back and forth beside a well. The structure was capped by a trapdoor secured with a stout padlock. Lassnr looked from the well to the portrait in my hands and shook his head spasmodically, uttering another series of sharp, wordless yelps. In between, I made out the words "Tymvaul" and "well."

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"And you are trying to tell me something about Tymvaul?" He nodded more vigorously, adding another yelp for good measure.

I was in hysterics reading it, this one never gets old !!!


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This post has been edited by mALX: Feb 9 2011, 05:50 PM

[mALX]

SubRosa: Teresa of the Faint Smile, Adventures of a Stringy Bosmer

Yes, of course," Henantier said. He stepped closer to her, but with his head still turned so not to see her. Reaching out with one hand, he nearly punched her in the face by accident.

Looking down, his hands reached out to take the amulet from between her breasts. Teresa saw his face turn a bright shade of crimson then, and he seemed to pause for several moments, just staring down at her chest.

"Umm, Henantier?" Teresa cleared her throat.

[TheOtherRick]

Another Treydog, from "Blood On The Moon"

Tymvaul In The Well

He did not answer, but stopped his circling long enough to pick up a small portrait from the fireplace mantle. He handed it to me with a pleading look in his brown eyes and panted, "Tymvaul." I glanced at the portrait and saw a younger version of the man who had now resumed his loping circuit of the room. Before I could ask any more questions, he darted outside with a series of sharp, wordless exclamations and a glance over his shoulder to see if I was following. When I stepped out the door, he raced around the side of the house, heading west. Again I followed, only to find him pacing back and forth beside a well. The structure was capped by a trapdoor secured with a stout padlock. Lassnr looked from the well to the portrait in my hands and shook his head spasmodically, uttering another series of sharp, wordless yelps. In between, I made out the words "Tymvaul" and "well."

***

"And you are trying to tell me something about Tymvaul?" He nodded more vigorously, adding another yelp for good measure.

I was in hysterics reading it, this one never gets old !!!


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That is funny...reminds me of a Super Bowl commercial

[mALX]

Another Treydog, from "Blood On The Moon"

Tymvaul In The Well

He did not answer, but stopped his circling long enough to pick up a small portrait from the fireplace mantle. He handed it to me with a pleading look in his brown eyes and panted, "Tymvaul." I glanced at the portrait and saw a younger version of the man who had now resumed his loping circuit of the room. Before I could ask any more questions, he darted outside with a series of sharp, wordless exclamations and a glance over his shoulder to see if I was following. When I stepped out the door, he raced around the side of the house, heading west. Again I followed, only to find him pacing back and forth beside a well. The structure was capped by a trapdoor secured with a stout padlock. Lassnr looked from the well to the portrait in my hands and shook his head spasmodically, uttering another series of sharp, wordless yelps. In between, I made out the words "Tymvaul" and "well."

***

"And you are trying to tell me something about Tymvaul?" He nodded more vigorously, adding another yelp for good measure.

I was in hysterics reading it, this one never gets old !!!


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That is funny...reminds me of a Super Bowl commercial

It did me too, lol.

[Grits]

May I submit our introduction to Reynald Jemane in Chapter 2-3 of Thomas Kaira’s Light Through Darkness:

“Well, ya’ see, frien’, people have always been comin’ up to me an’ asking ‘Didn’ I see you in Cheydinhal? Didn’t I see you in Deychinhal?’” He continued raving, seeming not to even register I had said anything, “Well, I’m sick o’ it… an’ tired. Tired an’ sick….”

He chose this moment to vomit all over the paving stones.

“…Well, maybe jus’ tired now,” He continued, “Anyways, come over here, got job for ya’.”

Love this thread, mALX!!

[mALX]

May I submit our introduction to Reynald Jemane in Chapter 2-3 of Thomas Kaira’s Light Through Darkness:

“Well, ya’ see, frien’, people have always been comin’ up to me an’ asking ‘Didn’ I see you in Cheydinhal? Didn’t I see you in Deychinhal?’” He continued raving, seeming not to even register I had said anything, “Well, I’m sick o’ it… an’ tired. Tired an’ sick….”

He chose this moment to vomit all over the paving stones.

“…Well, maybe jus’ tired now,” He continued, “Anyways, come over here, got job for ya’.”

Love this thread, mALX!!

Thanks, and Great Addition !!!

[TheOtherRick]

May I submit our introduction to Reynald Jemane in Chapter 2-3 of Thomas Kaira’s Light Through Darkness:

“Well, ya’ see, frien’, people have always been comin’ up to me an’ asking ‘Didn’ I see you in Cheydinhal? Didn’t I see you in Deychinhal?’” He continued raving, seeming not to even register I had said anything, “Well, I’m sick o’ it… an’ tired. Tired an’ sick….”

He chose this moment to vomit all over the paving stones.

“…Well, maybe jus’ tired now,” He continued, “Anyways, come over here, got job for ya’.”

Love this thread, mALX!!

And followed by Talasma's line a little later on, "...when he is not redecorating the cobblestones."

[King Of Beasts]

Yes, yes, I necro'd this thread big-time but it seems interesting. I will be back with some funny moments later!