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Chorrol.com _ Fan Fiction _ The Big "Commentasaurus"-thread

Posted by: minque Apr 20 2008, 03:18 PM

THIS thread is meant to give us an option to comment on several stories and authors in one single post! Maybe we read two or three stories and then we'd like to give some overall comment on all of them instead of posting in each one of the story-threads!

Mark this: It's optional! You can choose whether you like to post here or in the original thread!!!!

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My first general comment will be this:

There's a lot of good work in the fanfic-section at the time being, it might be because of the latest contest, but nevertheless it's a sheer joy to visit the section and read all the nice stories. You really are a bunch of goos serious writers and I hope you find it as fun to write as I find it to read...

Keep up the good work, all of you! goodjob.gif salute.gif

Posted by: raggidman Apr 22 2008, 10:06 PM

k - where are the short stories?

Posted by: redsrock Apr 23 2008, 03:07 AM

QUOTE(raggidman @ Apr 22 2008, 10:06 PM) *

k - where are the short stories?

Umm.....the same board you posted in? tongue.gif
Seriously though, just take a look below this thread and all the stories are there. There's this one called "The Scroll, the Priest and the Angry Imperial". I can't remember the author, but I hear it's pretty cool..... wink.gif

Posted by: Lord Revan Apr 23 2008, 03:49 AM

You're a dirty, dirty liar Redsrock!!!! mad.gif You know good and well that's your story, otherwise you have short-term memory loss. dry.gif

Posted by: BSD-IES Apr 23 2008, 07:14 AM

I wonder if he means the short stories for the contest guys....

QUOTE(Lord Revan @ Apr 23 2008, 03:49 AM) *

You're a dirty, dirty liar Redsrock!!!! mad.gif You know good and well that's your story, otherwise you have short-term memory loss. dry.gif


Please only be joking by that comment. Like Redsrock was with his - hence the wink at the end of his post. I assume you are only joking though...

Posted by: redsrock Apr 23 2008, 11:11 AM

Well, just so I don't make anyone angry (I'm still not sure if I did or not), I'll comment on someone else's peice. Lord Veneficus' story is always good. He's doing a good job of balancing out dialogue and body-text, and he's getting a lot better at "showing", rather than "telling.

Posted by: treydog Apr 23 2008, 12:18 PM

One very general comment- be aware of pacing. By that, I mean there is no need to rush the story. An installment does need to add something, but it doesn't always have to be "action". Sometimes, it is worthwhile to slow down and develop the character(s).

Posted by: The Metal Mallet Apr 24 2008, 08:42 PM

Comment to self: Man I need to get writing again!

Comment to writers: Damn, I got a reading ahead of me! Though I can't wait to delve into this stuff.

Posted by: minque Apr 26 2008, 08:09 AM

Here we go again, just came back from a short trip and found a lot of updates and new stories. I'm currently going trough them all, and I must say there's a lot of creativity among the ppl here. What I've read so far pleases me a lot and I'll try to comment in the threads later on.


Posted by: Lord Revan Apr 26 2008, 05:09 PM


Of course I was, it seemed a little too over the top to be serious.

And I've really got to start reading again. I commend Treydog for Blood on the Moon's elegance of comedy and plot. goodjob.gif

Posted by: Alexander May 3 2008, 06:27 PM

I've got a general tip, something I noticed in some of the stories I read for the competition.

Be careful when using common every day expressions in your story. Many of the expressions we use are not logical at all to be in a world such as Nirn.

Some examples;
"bullmanure" (well the term was slightly different but I'm sure you catch my drift wink.gif )
I don't believe I've once seen or heard about bulls being in Tamriel or anywhere else in Nirn.

"Not the ritz" when speaking about lavish accommodations. I'm sure the person was referring to a fancy hotel chain, but I don't believe a hotel like the Ritz-carlton orso could be found in Tamriel wink.gif

etc.

Posted by: Jordy May 3 2008, 10:45 PM

I think it's a very good point to be careful of using real-world slang and metaphors that don't make sense in the context of the ES world.

Though actually there were plenty of cows in Daggerfall, so maybe that particular expression isn't too out of context...

Posted by: Lord Veneficus May 4 2008, 12:33 AM

QUOTE(redsrock @ Apr 23 2008, 05:11 AM) *

Well, just so I don't make anyone angry (I'm still not sure if I did or not), I'll comment on someone else's peice. Lord Veneficus' story is always good. He's doing a good job of balancing out dialogue and body-text, and he's getting a lot better at "showing", rather than "telling.

Thanks, man. I shall return the favor. Your stories are very interesting and I see everything you say.

Posted by: redsrock May 4 2008, 01:17 AM

Thanks, bud, I meant everything I said.

Posted by: paragenic May 4 2008, 07:35 AM

QUOTE(Jordy @ May 3 2008, 11:45 PM) *

Though actually there were plenty of cows in Daggerfall, so maybe that particular expression isn't too out of context...


After a particularly scary trip through a dungeon in Daggerfall where I had barely escaped with my life, I returned to my city and found it was covered in a morning mist. As I made my way to the temple to get the disease from me cured (diseases in Daggerfall could actually kill you if they weren't cured quickly, not like the silly diseases of Oblivion that just cause a nuisance) I passed a house with a cow in its garden. When the cow said 'moo' I physically felt relieved in the real world behind my computer, for this was proof I was back in civilization and there wouldn't be some vampire jumping out to get me.

I will never forget cows in Daggerfall. Since that event every time I saw one and especially heard one I remember feeling safe. Cities in Morowind and Oblivion are noisy, in Daggerfall the cities are silent and all you hear (all I remember hearing) is the moo, neigh, oink, woof, and meow of the static cows, horses, pigs, doggies, and cats sprinkled throughout the city.

Incidentally, the ingredient beef is present in the Oblivion game, and this has to come from a cow, and if there's cows, there's got to be bulls somewhere... I know I'm a city boy, so someone correct me if I'm wrong, but that's how I thought it worked... blink.gif Beef comes from cows, right? And you need a bull to impregnate a cow, right? wacko.gif


Posted by: The Metal Mallet May 4 2008, 08:02 AM

Plus, you could potentially claim a Minotaur as a bull of some type. Perhaps that's the manure they are speaking of wink.gif

Posted by: paragenic May 4 2008, 08:21 AM

QUOTE(Alexander @ May 3 2008, 07:27 PM) *

I've got a general tip, something I noticed in some of the stories I read for the competition.

Be careful when using common every day expressions in your story. Many of the expressions we use are not logical at all to be in a world such as Nirn.

Some examples;
"bullmanure" (well the term was slightly different but I'm sure you catch my drift wink.gif )
I don't believe I've once seen or heard about bulls being in Tamriel or anywhere else in Nirn.

"Not the ritz" when speaking about lavish accommodations. I'm sure the person was referring to a fancy hotel chain, but I don't believe a hotel like the Ritz-carlton orso could be found in Tamriel wink.gif

etc.


Okay this is actually a very difficult topic. There are clear-cut cultural references of an obvious kind that are simply out of place, like saying "Maervin's plans for the new castle in Chorrol would put the Taj Mahal to shame" and there are anachronisms that are discontinuous with TES, like saying "Kud-Ei sighed as she threw the rag into the sink 'Varon Vamori!' she shouted. 'Did you use all the hot water again?'" smile.gif and there are things that are just wrong, like referring to "Tuesday" or "November".

But we know very little of the lingo of this world. Certainly I can't imagine that with all the races, all the classes, all the factions, the nobility, the daedra worshippers, the academia, the legion, the merchants, the pirates, the young, the old, the rich, the poor, the beggars... I would expect in such a setting the language to be bursting with colourful phrases. Instead it seems like everyone says "by the nine!". This is ridiculous!

In Daggerfall you had streetwise, etiquette, orcish, harpy, and mercantile, and in general there was a lot more text. In Oblivion all that is left is "speechcraft" and "mercantile". This limits the authors of any fan-fiction (and I would say that all the words in the fan fiction competition would easily be more than the number of words used in the actual game) in their attempts to produce color.

I am not one of the judges of the competition, but I am conscious of the barren lexicon of colorful in-game expressions from which the authors have to paint a picture for us of any of the many in-game factions or social groups. And I would certainly advocate a leniency and freedom for the authors to create color for us to compensate for the lack thereof in the game.







Posted by: BSD-IES May 4 2008, 08:53 AM

QUOTE(paragenic @ May 4 2008, 08:21 AM) *



Okay this is actually a very difficult topic. There are clear-cut cultural references of an obvious kind that are simply out of place, like saying "Maervin's plans for the new castle in Chorrol would put the Taj Mahal to shame" and there are anachronisms that are discontinuous with TES, like saying "Kud-Ei sighed as she threw the rag into the sink 'Varon Vamori!' she shouted. 'Did you use all the hot water again?'" smile.gif and there are things that are just wrong, like referring to "Tuesday" or "November".

But we know very little of the lingo of this world. Certainly I can't imagine that with all the races, all the classes, all the factions, the nobility, the daedra worshippers, the academia, the legion, the merchants, the pirates, the young, the old, the rich, the poor, the beggars... I would expect in such a setting the language to be bursting with colourful phrases. Instead it seems like everyone says "by the nine!". This is ridiculous!

In Daggerfall you had streetwise, etiquette, orcish, harpy, and mercantile, and in general there was a lot more text. In Oblivion all that is left is "speechcraft" and "mercantile". This limits the authors of any fan-fiction (and I would say that all the words in the fan fiction competition would easily be more than the number of words used in the actual game) in their attempts to produce color.

I am not one of the judges of the competition, but I am conscious of the barren lexicon of colorful in-game expressions from which the authors have to paint a picture for us of any of the many in-game factions or social groups. And I would certainly advocate a leniency and freedom for the authors to create color for us to compensate for the lack thereof in the game.


Interesting points there. However for me all of those can be answered with one word. Consistency. In fiction of any kind, but especially those which require world building, you have to remain consistent to the world and to the rest of your story. We've all read stories where the charaters are talking like courtier's one minute, and the next like L.A. valley girls.
"My lady, I cannot lie to you any more." She curtsied in front of me, the long silk evening gown getting caught under her feet. She'd dressed early, the banquet wasn't till tonight. "It was I who spoke to the Count in the gardens."
"I am like, totally tripping out here man." I pulled my Ray Bans off angrily, and reached for the bottle of Jacks on the table, filling a glass almost to the top before adding a little splash of Coca Cola ™, "I don't get you girlfriend, you used to be solid!"

Jokey example, but you get my point. We haven't set rules for this, but the way I'm judging is to look for consistency. If something jumps out at me as a glaring inconsistency, it's a bad thing. It pulls me out of the flow of the story and whatever momentum has been built up is lost, and after a prolongued bout of eye rolling, when I get back to the story it's hard to capture the emotional state I had been in. From that point of view alone it gets the thumbs down. It purely depends on how the language fits with the rest of what's written.

Posted by: Alexander May 4 2008, 09:07 AM

QUOTE(paragenic @ May 4 2008, 08:35 AM) *

<snip>

QUOTE(The Metal Mallet @ May 4 2008, 09:02 AM) *

Plus, you could potentially claim a Minotaur as a bull of some type. Perhaps that's the manure they are speaking of wink.gif


Ok, ok. I'll admit, I haven't played Daggerfall so I didn't know that.

I'll rephrase my advice, I'd say it's important before letting a character use something, that you look and see if the phrase would be logical for them. For instance, a Dunmer, who's never in his life set foot outside of Morrowind, hardly seems logical when using a word like bull manure.


QUOTE(paragenic @ May 4 2008, 09:21 AM) *

Okay this is actually a very difficult topic. There are clear-cut cultural references of an obvious kind that are simply out of place, like saying "Maervin's plans for the new castle in Chorrol would put the Taj Mahal to shame" and there are anachronisms that are discontinuous with TES, like saying "Kud-Ei sighed as she threw the rag into the sink 'Varon Vamori!' she shouted. 'Did you use all the hot water again?'" smile.gif and there are things that are just wrong, like referring to "Tuesday" or "November".

But we know very little of the lingo of this world. Certainly I can't imagine that with all the races, all the classes, all the factions, the nobility, the daedra worshippers, the academia, the legion, the merchants, the pirates, the young, the old, the rich, the poor, the beggars... I would expect in such a setting the language to be bursting with colourful phrases. Instead it seems like everyone says "by the nine!". This is ridiculous!

In Daggerfall you had streetwise, etiquette, orcish, harpy, and mercantile, and in general there was a lot more text. In Oblivion all that is left is "speechcraft" and "mercantile". This limits the authors of any fan-fiction (and I would say that all the words in the fan fiction competition would easily be more than the number of words used in the actual game) in their attempts to produce color.

I am not one of the judges of the competition, but I am conscious of the barren lexicon of colorful in-game expressions from which the authors have to paint a picture for us of any of the many in-game factions or social groups. And I would certainly advocate a leniency and freedom for the authors to create color for us to compensate for the lack thereof in the game.


Good reasoning, though I don't entirely agree.

While I realize Oblivion hasn't given us much in terms of expressions and terms and such, I believe any author whose imagination is rich enough to create a great story like the ones I've read, both for the competition and otherwise, would be creative enough to come up with their own lingo rather then simply copying what we use in every day. I can think of an easy way even; simply think of the things we'd use, and transport those to things someone in Tamriel would use, making use of animals, or things similar to our world.

Examples for Morrowind;
bull manure could be Guar Droppings
By god could be by azura
Son of a b.... could be Son of a mudcrab/dog/guar/cliffracer/(insert animal)
And that's not counting things that were given to us like N'wah, Fetcher etc which all seem similar to lingo we might use in real life. Well some of us anyway wink.gif

Same for Cyrodiil;
Guar droppings could be horse manure
By god, could be By Talos
etc.

I guess that's all I'm saying, a little creativity and ingenuity rather then simply copying something smile.gif

Posted by: BSD-IES May 5 2008, 03:54 PM

Well this thread is a very good idea after all. Can I just say that I'm unable to post replies on fanfics being posted at the minute due to judging responsibilities. As soon as I've finished though, I will be back to posting responses. I just didn't want anyone thinking I'd abandoned them or their stories smile.gif

Posted by: raggidman May 5 2008, 04:03 PM

Could it be a Bull guar, or a Bull Alit or Bull Elephant ... name that large and agressive meat animal with the generic term Bull used for the male?

Like you're not going to say that's a load of Bull Alit are you?

Posted by: redsrock May 5 2008, 04:29 PM

I thought this thread was created for people wanting to comment on more than one story at a time?

Posted by: Black Hand May 5 2008, 04:33 PM

It is, and isnt. Its when discussions take on new life, and clutter the writers stories with comments non-story related, as well.

Posted by: redsrock May 5 2008, 04:34 PM

Arlight, fair enough.

Posted by: Alexander May 5 2008, 06:46 PM

QUOTE(raggidman @ May 5 2008, 05:03 PM) *

Could it be a Bull guar, or a Bull Alit or Bull Elephant ... name that large and agressive meat animal with the generic term Bull used for the male?

Like you're not going to say that's a load of Bull Alit are you?


Well, personally I've only heard of the term bull in terms of the male cows, not to indicate certain other types of male animals.

QUOTE(redsrock @ May 5 2008, 05:29 PM) *

I thought this thread was created for people wanting to comment on more than one story at a time?


True, but I think Treydog inspired us (as usual) when he pointed out the positives for being able to give pointers about things we've seen in multiple stories, makes it beside from a thread for easy comments, also a possible library of information smile.gif

Posted by: redsrock May 5 2008, 07:13 PM

Yeah, you're right. I was just getting tired of all the 'bull' talk. tongue.gif

Posted by: minque May 5 2008, 07:17 PM

Oh aye....treydog is the great inspirer for all of us....that is just so true!

My purpose originally with this thread was to comment in general on stories, when you just do not have the opportunity to visit every individual thread and comment on the story...then you may come here and tell what you wanna tell....in one post!

But what trey said is making this thread even more useful!

Posted by: paragenic May 5 2008, 09:43 PM

QUOTE(minque @ May 5 2008, 08:17 PM) *

But what trey said is making this thread even more useful!


What ARE you on about? blink.gif What did Trey say? I'm going mad looking all over this thread up and down looking for his comment, hoping to be inspired as you and Alex have, but all I find is his post with the general comment about pacing the stories. smile.gif


Posted by: paragenic May 5 2008, 09:47 PM

QUOTE(Alexander @ May 5 2008, 07:46 PM) *

Well, personally I've only heard of the term bull in terms of the male cows, not to indicate certain other types of male animals.


Morrowind had a Bull Netch and a Betty Netch! And Oblivion has beef! Long live the bulls of TES!


Posted by: paragenic May 5 2008, 09:53 PM

QUOTE(redsrock @ May 5 2008, 08:13 PM) *

Yeah, you're right. I was just getting tired of all the 'bull' talk. tongue.gif


Hi, Redsrock!

Did you know, that the second Emperor of Cyrodiil was Belharza, the Man-Bull? Did you ever wonder at the marvels of the Imperial City, what with their extensive sewers and nary a toilet? Did it ever give you pause, how the exrements of the second Emperor were taken care of?

biggrin.gif


Posted by: redsrock May 5 2008, 10:22 PM

QUOTE(paragenic @ May 5 2008, 09:53 PM) *

QUOTE(redsrock @ May 5 2008, 08:13 PM) *

Yeah, you're right. I was just getting tired of all the 'bull' talk. tongue.gif


Hi, Redsrock!


biggrin.gif

Do I know you? indifferent.gif

Posted by: Lord Revan May 5 2008, 10:33 PM


I have read an Argonian using Hist P*** as a swear (That one book series about Black Marsh, the narrator was the same guy in Dance In the Fire or whatever).

Posted by: Alexander May 6 2008, 12:43 AM

QUOTE(paragenic @ May 5 2008, 10:43 PM) *

QUOTE(minque @ May 5 2008, 08:17 PM) *

But what trey said is making this thread even more useful!


What ARE you on about? blink.gif What did Trey say? I'm going mad looking all over this thread up and down looking for his comment, hoping to be inspired as you and Alex have, but all I find is his post with the general comment about pacing the stories. smile.gif


That's actually what we're speaking about, that suggestion about pacing. (subtle no? wink.gif )
QUOTE(paragenic @ May 5 2008, 10:47 PM) *

QUOTE(Alexander @ May 5 2008, 07:46 PM) *

Well, personally I've only heard of the term bull in terms of the male cows, not to indicate certain other types of male animals.


Morrowind had a Bull Netch and a Betty Netch! And Oblivion has beef! Long live the bulls of TES!

QUOTE(paragenic @ May 5 2008, 10:53 PM) *

QUOTE(redsrock @ May 5 2008, 08:13 PM) *

Yeah, you're right. I was just getting tired of all the 'bull' talk. tongue.gif


Hi, Redsrock!

Did you know, that the second Emperor of Cyrodiil was Belharza, the Man-Bull? Did you ever wonder at the marvels of the Imperial City, what with their extensive sewers and nary a toilet? Did it ever give you pause, how the exrements of the second Emperor were taken care of?

biggrin.gif


Incidentally, at the bottom of each post you'll find a button called "multi" if you want to respond to several posts at once, simply check all those "multi" buttons for all the posts you want to respond to, and then press "add reply" It will include all the quoted posts in a single post so you won't need to double post.


Thanks in advance,

Alex smile.gif

Posted by: paragenic May 6 2008, 04:56 AM

QUOTE(Alexander @ May 6 2008, 01:43 AM) *


Incidentally, at the bottom of each post you'll find a button called "multi" if you want to respond to several posts at once, simply check all those "multi" buttons for all the posts you want to respond to, and then press "add reply" It will include all the quoted posts in a single post so you won't need to double post.



Hi, Alex! Thanks for the tip. At first I didn't know what you were talking about. I am using the "space ship wreck" skin and it seems this skin doesn't have a multi button? The "space ship wreck" skin has "quote" and "reply" buttons in the bottom right-hand corner; the "tower" skin has a "multi" and a "quote" button. I'll just use the "tower" skin, np... smile.gif



Posted by: Alexander May 6 2008, 05:23 AM

QUOTE(paragenic @ May 6 2008, 05:56 AM) *

QUOTE(Alexander @ May 6 2008, 01:43 AM) *


Incidentally, at the bottom of each post you'll find a button called "multi" if you want to respond to several posts at once, simply check all those "multi" buttons for all the posts you want to respond to, and then press "add reply" It will include all the quoted posts in a single post so you won't need to double post.



Hi, Alex! Thanks for the tip. At first I didn't know what you were talking about. I am using the "space ship wreck" skin and it seems this skin doesn't have a multi button? The "space ship wreck" skin has "quote" and "reply" buttons in the bottom right-hand corner; the "tower" skin has a "multi" and a "quote" button. I'll just use the "tower" skin, np... smile.gif


Right, well on the space ship wreck the "quote" button accomplishes the same thing, it's just that I tend to use the tower and thus don't know if the other skin has different has other terms.

But thank you, and now to get back on topic smile.gif

Posted by: BSD-IES May 6 2008, 06:44 AM

QUOTE(redsrock @ May 5 2008, 08:13 PM) *
I was just getting tired of all the 'bull' talk.

Agreed. I think we've exhausted the fascinating potential of this particular subject now. Can we move on please?

Posted by: minque May 7 2008, 08:00 PM

This post is dedicated to redsrock!

one of the most talented writers here....

You write in a professional style, you are so creative and has a big potential, just look at your production! It's huge....and quality throughout!

Way to go....

Posted by: redsrock May 7 2008, 08:23 PM

QUOTE(minque @ May 7 2008, 08:00 PM) *

This post is dedicated to redsrock!

one of the most talented writers here....

You write in a professional style, you are so creative and has a big potential, just look at your production! It's huge....and quality throughout!

Way to go....

Wow, thank you so much, Minque. That's awesome especially because it's coming from a great writer yourself. wink.gif

I credit the other writers here for my progression as a writer. Treydog, yourself, Minque. Also Lord Revan, MetalMallet, the list keeps going on and on. Also BSD, though doesn't write, gives me EXCELLENT advice all the time. I've learned from all of you, and I wouldn't be where I am right now if it wasn't for you guys. (and girls) tongue.gif

Posted by: treydog May 7 2008, 09:12 PM

More of a "general comment" than specific.... I just wanted to say how pleased I am to see the talented new writers who have joined us. And I am also happy to see many of our "old hands" continuing to provide excellent work. The only down side for me is that I do not have as much time as I would like to read and enjoy- which means I scan rather than reading closely. And that means I am unable to comment as frequently as I would prefer. I hope every writer here knows that I admire your work and appreciate your willingness to share it with us.

Posted by: redsrock May 7 2008, 09:40 PM

Yeah, that's a big problem for me as well, Treydog. during the summer hopefully I'll be able to catch up on some fics...

Posted by: Kiln May 9 2008, 04:30 AM

QUOTE(treydog @ May 7 2008, 08:12 PM) *

More of a "general comment" than specific.... I just wanted to say how pleased I am to see the talented new writers who have joined us. And I am also happy to see many of our "old hands" continuing to provide excellent work. The only down side for me is that I do not have as much time as I would like to read and enjoy- which means I scan rather than reading closely. And that means I am unable to comment as frequently as I would prefer. I hope every writer here knows that I admire your work and appreciate your willingness to share it with us.



QUOTE(redsrock @ May 7 2008, 08:40 PM) *

Yeah, that's a big problem for me as well, Treydog. during the summer hopefully I'll be able to catch up on some fics...

Agreed mates, its been pretty difficult to keep up with the fan fiction lately, especially since there's just so much more content than there used to be. Its really good to see so many new writers taking an interest in ES fan fiction.

Posted by: The Metal Mallet May 9 2008, 08:26 AM

Yea, great to see that. Kinda makes me feel a bit guilty for not getting my own writing in though. Ahh... but life is busy. It's hard to write now when I don't have seven hours of nothing to do like I used to have at my old job.

Ohwell, I'll figure something out I guess.

Posted by: paragenic May 12 2008, 11:19 PM

Yeah, can I just say to everyone SLOW DOWN. Re-read your work. Remember, good writing is re-writing. You need to give yourself time to discover a character, a person you've created. As a writer, you have a responsibility to the characters you've brought to life to give them interesting lives. If you take that responsibility seriously, your characters will do great things and say great things and you will have great stories.

Can I also ask all the reviewers to BE HONEST. I understand some of the older people here see some of the younger people making posts (some really young) and naturally there's a reaction to be supportive and encouraging. But give some honest feedback so people can improve.





Posted by: minque May 17 2008, 12:22 AM

QUOTE(paragenic @ May 13 2008, 12:19 AM) *

Yeah, can I just say to everyone SLOW DOWN. Re-read your work. Remember, good writing is re-writing. You need to give yourself time to discover a character, a person you've created. As a writer, you have a responsibility to the characters you've brought to life to give them interesting lives. If you take that responsibility seriously, your characters will do great things and say great things and you will have great stories.

Can I also ask all the reviewers to BE HONEST. I understand some of the older people here see some of the younger people making posts (some really young) and naturally there's a reaction to be supportive and encouraging. But give some honest feedback so people can improve.

That's good advice per se!

Now then, I hope you're not implicating that the "oldies" are dishonest? Because that is not true! If there is any serious mistakes they are pointed out I can assure you!

But...as you said...many writers are younger, it's maybe their first attempt of writing something, so why not give them a little support? Why not be encouraging instead of nitpicking their work? In my opinion the most important thing is that they're actually writing!!! Then why be harsh? This is supposed to be a nice place where everyone gets his/her chance of sharing their efforts!

Posted by: paragenic May 20 2008, 10:50 AM

QUOTE(minque @ May 17 2008, 01:22 AM) *

This is supposed to be a nice place where everyone gets his/her chance of sharing their efforts!


Okay minque! I agree with what you are saying. And no, I wasn't insinuating (or trying to insinuate) that there are people here who are DIShonest smile.gif merely that they might try being MORE honest biggrin.gif

I would like to point out though (echoing treydog's earlier comments) that I see a lot of talent and potential here, present on this forum.

We can look at this talent and potential and be encouraging, certainly I agree with that. But I also sense Chorrol could go to another (higher) level by going beyond encouragement and providing more serious coaching. Potential without coaching remains potential.

Perhaps the timing of my comment makes it unfair. I realise that through the recent fan fiction contest, the forum has been flooded with interest, more stories to read than would normally be the case and it might not be possible to comment on everything. But I also think the competition was a very good thing for this forum since it attracted this interest.

Perhaps the question is "what's next"? Now that we have this momentum and added interest from the competition (which I think could easily be organised on an annual or semi-annual basis) what do we do with it? Do we (we/the organisers/whatever) let it for what it is? I know I'm new around here, but of the stories I've read there are too many good ones I sense to just let Chorrol peeter into a "submit something if you want to"/"sombody might reply if they want to, eventually" with no strings attached.





Posted by: raggidman May 20 2008, 02:15 PM

I think one of the reasons this competition has been so successful is the interest and sponsership from Bethsoft's own.

At the same time, if you look at the forum you will see that Chorrol has always attracted writers more than RPers and so the rate of submission will always be slower.

But what interests me is that the general quality of writing here is quite high - so it might well be worthwhile repeating this competition - because it has inspired people.

Posted by: minque May 28 2008, 01:14 PM

Yup...it inspired me to continue my writing anyway...a fact that will soon be proven. wink.gif

Posted by: Lord Veneficus Jun 2 2008, 01:44 PM

The thing I see is that when younger or newer writers post, they don't get as much feedback. If we could just give them comments and good suggestions, they would continue writing and provide us with great stories to read. Thus, making everyone happy.

Posted by: redsrock Jun 2 2008, 02:38 PM

It's not just newer writers, V. (And I know where you're going with that anyway). I don't get a whole lot of feedback either and I've been here for a good while. You just have to keep writing and don't worry about it. Besides, you shouldn't worry about getting feedback, because that shouldn't be the sole purpose of writing, you know? At least that's my opinion.

Posted by: BSD-IES Jun 2 2008, 03:36 PM

QUOTE(redsrock @ Jun 2 2008, 02:38 PM) *

It's not just newer writers, V. (And I know where you're going with that anyway). I don't get a whole lot of feedback either and I've been here for a good while. You just have to keep writing and don't worry about it. Besides, you shouldn't worry about getting feedback, because that shouldn't be the sole purpose of writing, you know? At least that's my opinion.


True, very true. Write for yourself, and the pleasure it gives you - not for praise from others. Every writer likes feedback however, but what you'll find with most forums is the better the feedback (the more detail on how you could improve for example) the longer it takes to get it. I've commented on your stories before Lord V, and I will again. I've continued to read your work - just like I've continued to read Red's work - and when I have both time and something new to say then I will. I could greet each update with a "great, well done!" and leave it with that, but I've never really been that type of poster. Which is why my post count at every forum I belong to is still so low tongue.gif I just like to have something really helpful to add, rather than just a generic response.

Posted by: Lord Veneficus Jun 2 2008, 04:10 PM

I understand but I'm not talking about myself.

Posted by: BSD-IES Jun 2 2008, 04:43 PM

QUOTE(Lord Veneficus @ Jun 2 2008, 04:10 PM) *

I understand but I'm not talking about myself.


That's fine smile.gif What I said goes for everyone. I try to read everything that's posted here, it just usually takes me a while to give comments. Partly because so many stories start and then run out of steam I've started to wait for a story to reach a certain point before I comment now. There's only so many stories you can read carefully at the same time smile.gif

Posted by: redsrock Jun 2 2008, 04:45 PM

Exactly. I myself am guilty for giving the "awesome, great job" comment from time to time, and that just doesn't help a writer, other than motivationally. To truely get something that will really help a writer, it takes time.

It takes about five seconds to write the above quote. It takes longer to leave something meaningful and something that will actually help the author improve his/her writing skills.

Posted by: treydog Jun 2 2008, 04:51 PM

Lord V., I find myself in agreement with you- even while I am one who does not comment much. I will spare everyone the usual excuses, even though they are valid in my case....

I have a fairly simple set of rules for my comments- I will not comment on something I have not read; I will say something positive in every comment; I will try to be specific about something I found creative/clever/funny/effective/etc.

Rightly or not, I tend NOT to include criticism in my comments, unless the writer specifically asks. I know there is a kind of "unwritten rule" that posters of fan-fic are requesting criticism/correction- but I am reluctant to automatically critique stories. Just one of my quirks...

Like everyone, I appreciate feedback; it is a far more "personal" indicator of folks' reactions than a simple glance at the number of views. But I also appreciate that time is the most limited resource we have. Anyway, I encourage everyone to keep writing- I know some folks like to wait until there is a certain "critical mass" to a story before they comment- and we have had some promising stories that just- stopped.

Posted by: kementari Jun 3 2008, 06:15 AM

QUOTE(redsrock @ Jun 2 2008, 08:45 AM) *

Exactly. I myself am guilty for giving the "awesome, great job" comment from time to time, and that just doesn't help a writer, other than motivationally. To truely get something that will really help a writer, it takes time.

It takes about five seconds to write the above quote. It takes longer to leave something meaningful and something that will actually help the author improve his/her writing skills.


Yeah, but.. motivation means a lot.

Five seconds of someone else's time is frequently the deciding factor between whether I write a new chapter that month, or do something else more rewarding. There's a part of all of us that wants other people to enjoy what we do.

Posted by: redsrock Jun 3 2008, 02:08 PM

And yeah, that's definitely true as well. There are just different types of authors. Some would rather get the "awesome, nice story!" comment, and some would rather have the in-depth comments. And then there are some who do not really care whether or not they recieve any feedback at all.

Sorry, I should have clarified that in the beginning. I guess I'm more so the latter type, but that DOESN'T mean I like NOT getting feedback. It's just sort of 'whatever..." you know? Like I am happy if I get feedback, but it's not going to keep me from writing if I don't.

Posted by: Black Hand Jun 3 2008, 07:29 PM

Perhaps it is somewhere in between.

That is, provide encouragement, but dont hide the flaws. But also dont be overbearing. Whats do I mean?

http://chorrol.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=4057

kementari's post in this thread is what I mean. kem, I know you were trying to help, and you didn't do anything wrong per se, but you came across very strong, and probably scared the heck out of chiglet. Not everyone on this site has a thick skin, and the competition has brought in a lot of....opinionated members. You're not fully responsible for the rant to follow, rather several others are prompting my diatribe.

I personally chose this site because it was like a small town where everyone know each other. Now I am afraid it is beginning to devolve into a massive city where everyone calls each other 'jerks' and thinks they know how they should run things.

Elitists may think they know everything, and in certain cases they do. But it is NEVER an excuse for poor manners and a lack of civility. We are people who know and respect one another here, there is friendship and bonding that goes back months and years between members here. I realize the new folks may not realize that, and why our 'warm fuzzy caring-about-feelings' atmosphere is so strange and alien to them, but that is at least how it has been.

I don't care if you are a moderator on another site, or if you think you know how things SHOULD be run 'round these parts, if this keeps up, I am leaving Chorrol. No threats, no ultimatums, no attitude, just stating the fact that I don't like crowds, and what inevitably happens when they form.

Posted by: Kitchen.Sink Jun 3 2008, 09:01 PM

QUOTE(Black Hand @ Jun 3 2008, 01:29 PM) *

http://chorrol.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=4057

kementari's post in this thread is what I mean. kem, I know you were trying to help, and you didn't do anything wrong per se, but you came across very strong, and probably scared the heck out of chiglet. Not everyone on this site has a thick skin, and the competition has brought in a lot of....opinionated members. You're not fully responsible for the rant to follow, rather several others are prompting my diatribe.


I realize that I am one of the newcomers here, so perhaps I'm trampling over a Van Gogh without knowing it, but, really, what's so nasty about criticism? It's just words, and words are nothing more than vibrations in the air, or an electrochemical surge in your skull. If you don't appreciate the content or the nature of them, there is not a thing in this world, save your own mind, that prevents you from ignoring them. I would be honored to have Kementari, or anyone, critique my work as thoroughly as mentioned in the above post. To take the time to critique shows far greater appreciation of a work than to just provide a pat on the back with a "Smashing good job, old fellow."

Posted by: redsrock Jun 3 2008, 09:05 PM

Yes, that is true, KS, but there are times when people will post things that do not matter really yet they THINK they do because they are arrogant know-it-alls. (Not saying Kementari's post was that way, just trying to make a point).

Then there are times when people are trying their hardest to help, but they are just hitting on all the wrong points, you know what I mean?

Posted by: Kitchen.Sink Jun 3 2008, 09:25 PM

QUOTE(redsrock @ Jun 3 2008, 03:05 PM) *

Yes, that is true, KS, but there are times when people will post things that do not matter really yet they THINK they do because they are arrogant know-it-alls. (Not saying Kementari's post was that way, just trying to make a point).

Then there are times when people are trying their hardest to help, but they are just hitting on all the wrong points, you know what I mean?


If they are "arrogant know-it-alls", let them be so. Their power over you both begins and ends in the misty region of your mind. If you let them hurt you, they hurt you. If you let them help, they help.

Additionally, shutting out the criticism of others is an awfully strong sign of being one such "know-it-all". Know yourself and no criticism can shake you---it will all be of benefit.

Posted by: BSD-IES Jun 3 2008, 09:34 PM

Okay. For the informal competition we ran as a test, we asked comments to include the following.

Pick something you liked about the story.
Pick something you thought could have been better.

I'm beginning to think we need that balance. I've read the post that Blackie quoted there, and whilst some of the comments made are probably useful, there wasn't a single positive mentioned. Also I have to say, I didn't agree with all the examples used in that anyway. Let's, whenever we post a response, bear that in mind. A positive, something to be improved and our thanks to the writer for sharing their work. It won't decrease the quality of responses (if anything it'll improve them) and we get the best of both worlds there. Proper criticism without losing our warm fuzzy forum vibe that Paragenic loved so much wink.gif

Posted by: redsrock Jun 3 2008, 09:36 PM

QUOTE(Kitchen.Sink @ Jun 3 2008, 09:25 PM) *

If they are "arrogant know-it-alls", let them be so. Their power over you both begins and ends in the misty region of your mind. If you let them hurt you, they hurt you. If you let them help, they help.

I never said it did hurt me. And if you read one of my previous posts you will have read that yes/no feedback doesn't effect me either way. rolleyes.gif

Posted by: Kitchen.Sink Jun 3 2008, 09:44 PM

Sorry for the misunderstanding, redsrock. In the above quote, I meant "you" in the general sense, not specific.

Posted by: redsrock Jun 3 2008, 10:07 PM

QUOTE(Kitchen.Sink @ Jun 3 2008, 09:44 PM) *

Sorry for the misunderstanding, redsrock. In the above quote, I meant "you" in the general sense, not specific.

No problem, I take part of the blame then. I assumed you were talking to me and BH alone. No harm no foul. smile.gif

Posted by: kementari Jun 3 2008, 11:31 PM

I apologize if my post came across as harsh. The fanfiction communities I'm used to had a strong underpinning of assuming that everyone's work was basically good, and therefore we tended to focus only on points that needed improvement. From here on out I'll include the positive as well, just so that nobody gets any ideas. :)

I did think Chiglet's story was fundamentally quite cute, and that it didn't have any glaring problems. The criticisms I made were pretty in-depth editorial comments, by necessity subjective in nature. I didn't mean to imply that I was right and Chiglet was wrong; rather, I thought the depth of time I took to critically examine his/her writing style would be meaningful to the author.

You know that "Golden Rule"? Chiglet's post is an example of how I'd "have people do unto me". (And at the risk of countermanding BSD-IES, I don't even mind if there's nothing positive.) <3

Posted by: kementari Jun 3 2008, 11:33 PM

QUOTE(Kitchen.Sink @ Jun 3 2008, 01:01 PM) *

I would be honored to have Kementari, or anyone, critique my work as thoroughly as mentioned in the above post. To take the time to critique shows far greater appreciation of a work than to just provide a pat on the back with a "Smashing good job, old fellow."


Is that permission? wink.gif I think I'll refrain from criticizing others' posts in the future without explicit permission to do so, due to being used as an example in this little spat. I have no wish to come across as "write-ier than thou".

Posted by: Kitchen.Sink Jun 3 2008, 11:45 PM

QUOTE(kementari @ Jun 3 2008, 05:33 PM) *

Is that permission? wink.gif


Yes, it is permission to you and anyone else who wishes to critique my work. I also need nothing positive said about what I write. If you wish to share something positive, feel free to do so. If you wish to share something negative, feel free to do that also. Of course, I make that statement on my own behalf; when I critique the works of others I will most certainly uphold any rule set by the moderators.

Posted by: Black Hand Jun 4 2008, 01:44 AM

QUOTE(kementari)
I apologize if my post came across as harsh. The fanfiction communities I'm used to had a strong underpinning of assuming that everyone's work was basically good, and therefore we tended to focus only on points that needed improvement.


If that is indeed your position, than allow me to apologize for misunderstanding it. There have been several points of frustration on this site recently, and I did indeed misinpret your post as one of them.

Contrary to what it may have sounded like, I am not making a 'call-to-arms' or try to sound as...ridiculous as to say 'i h8 n00bs'. Adaptation certainly takes time, I was new here once as well. Ive been biting my tongue with some of the things that have been infuriatiing me, save via Pm's with a couple of friends. It is because I think the people who say things like 'this is OUR site!!' or 'I hate noobs' are ridiculous, I didnt want to end up making a horses behind of myself by saying something, though admittedly I have.

As for me, I don't give critisicms because Im not qualified. I am uncertain as to how good work could be great, and okay work could be better. I believe that everyone is doing the best they can, with something that they like doing. And to share a talent with people, to open yourself to someone elses judgement, is one of the scariest things someone could do, and I dont think that budding talent should be trampled on by boorish cads who havent the slightest regard for feelings, it needs positivity, encouragment, before it can truly be shaped and molded by editing and consensus. People are not computers, and comfort, psychology, and attitude can make or break a writer in the beggining. If I hadnt recieved positive feedback in the beggining, I would have stopped writing, I would have.

At this point in time, I am confident enough in my writing to know that there are a few people who will love your work, a lot that might think its okay, and a few that will detest it with every fiber of their being, but in the end its whether or not the writer is satisfied with the work, not the audience, unless your selling a book of course.....

Posted by: kementari Jun 4 2008, 04:11 AM

QUOTE(Black Hand @ Jun 3 2008, 05:44 PM) *

And to share a talent with people, to open yourself to someone elses judgement, is one of the scariest things someone could do, and I dont think that budding talent should be trampled on by boorish cads who havent the slightest regard for feelings,

Like you mentioned, I haven't exactly been here for very long, but I haven't really seen evidence of people who fit that description. Is the line between "constructive criticism" and "boorish cad" drawn at posts that don't include positive remarks, or at posts that include nothing but positive remarks? (I'm aware that the tone-free medium of the internet allows that sentence to be read in a snotty tone of voice; such is not my intent. I'm honestly curious what the expectations are. I'm already aware that further posts should include a positive commendation to the author for their efforts, instead of just assuming that such is understood.)

QUOTE
it needs positivity, encouragment, before it can truly be shaped and molded by editing and consensus.

For the sake of argument, I would respectfully disagree that "consensus" is the way to judge whether writing is good or not. It's usually easier to grow as an artist if you simply find someone whose writing you respect - someone who clearly has a lot of talent, practice, and education on the subject - and ask them to tell you what you can be doing better. (I've already approached several people here whose work I admire with PM requests that they examine my vignettes for this reason.) A bunch of people who know you well and are concerned about hurting your feelings could say "Good work, I LOVED it," but this consensus never helps you realize what's wrong with your style.

And everyone has something wrong with their style. Published authors, even http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R_A_Salvatore*, even http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Crichton**, can have glaring problems with their work. It's silly, not to mention the greatest of self-important attitudes, to pretend otherwise. smile.gif


And KitchenSink, I just realized yours was the post I read last night. Thorough analysis incoming! :3



*Extremely poor characterization, stilted character development.
**Re-(and re- and re-)use of stale plot devices. Overuse of false-document technique.

Posted by: redsrock Jun 4 2008, 04:22 AM

The only thing I know is I want feedback no matter how harsh. I mean, either way the ultimate thing that will help me as a writer, you know what I mean?

Posted by: kementari Jun 4 2008, 04:24 AM

QUOTE(redsrock @ Jun 3 2008, 08:22 PM) *

The only thing I know is I want feedback no matter how harsh. I mean, either way the ultimate thing that will help me as a writer, you know what I mean?


First, stop thinking of any criticism as "harsh". The only thing that can be harsh is tone, or delivery. Criticism is a subjective analysis of your work; taking it as "harsh" or not is entirely up to you. wink.gif

Posted by: Kitchen.Sink Jun 4 2008, 04:46 AM

QUOTE(kementari @ Jun 3 2008, 10:11 PM) *

For the sake of argument, I would respectfully disagree that "consensus" is the way to judge whether writing is good or not.


I could not agree more. Write for yourself. Post for those like yourself. Whether others are pleased or whether they are peeved by your work, it should make no difference. After all, conventionally "bad" writing can be all some anonymous reader needs to brighten an otherwise dreary day. What does a mountain of criticism matter to the mind that sees the "good" within the "bad"? Take it all in stride. If one feels the criticism to be off-key, then, by all means, ignore it. If one feels it to be spot-on, then, by all means, adapt and grow by it.

This is by no means a challenge to the old order of this board. I will graciously abide by the rules. It is simply an effort to help those that are self-conscious about their work to put things in perspective.

Posted by: redsrock Jun 4 2008, 04:46 AM

Ok, fine, you got me, kementari. rolleyes.gif I meant tone and delivery. tongue.gif

Posted by: Black Hand Jun 4 2008, 06:37 AM

Well, there are no 'rules' per se. More like a status quo that everyone was used to, and now that has changed. For better or worse. But, stepped toes aside, I think that as long as we are discussing, we are ironing out wrinkles.

The inevitable "is criticism bad for chorrol' question has come up. The answer in an objective view is no. A gem cannot be polished without friction. The real question is, "How well are people going to receive the change?" well, this discussion is part of the answer. So far, not so well.

I still stand by my consensus theory however, not so much because I am an attention mother of mine, (a little) but rather, I like to know that I am entertaining my audience. When people feel they are reading a good story, than I in turn am happy. When I receive the positive feedback, than I know people are responding well to my work, when readership drops off, then I know I am not doing so well. I do this for the fans as much as for myself. I could write stories for myself and hoard them on a word program or somesuch, but it seem pointless to me, I feel the need to share. What is the point of a finely prepared dinner that noone will partake in?

And this attitude I have influences my view on others as well, yes. If you have a story that you think is only okay, post it anyway dammit! It just might be the best darn thing posted here ever. You'll never know unless you take that risk, and the worst thing that will happen, is that people will say they dont like it. Oh well. (Yes double-speak, 'but you said..." The preceding was encouragement.)

PS:I wasnt calling YOU a boorish cad, kem, in case you took it as that. Far from it. You strike me as quite the scholar and gentleman after my nitfit....

Posted by: Agent Griff Jun 4 2008, 07:37 AM

It would be awful to lose a member such as yourself Black Hand, especially since that would mean not being able to read up on the exploits of Sethyas Velas any more.

For my part, fair criticism can be taken as harsh criticism depending on the tone of delivery, but what is experience if not the sum of our mistakes? And who better to point out our mistakes than an observer of our actions? Thus I find criticism to be something necessary for all writers, both beginners and otherwise because otherwise we would not be able to discover our true ability.

But it truly seems that this recent competition has caused a surge of new members to join Chorrol, for good or for worse and as Black Hand says, our tight-knit community seems to be turning into a crowd. Growth need not be viewed in that light, since it can be a good thing in some cases. Some of these new members are already leaving, however (I saw a thread by someone called Paragenic saying that he/she was leaving Chorrol because he/she was fed up by the attitude of our forums).

I myself have not been active in the last few weeks (or should I say months?) because I've momentarily lost my interest in fan fiction and have been reading up on all things medieval and related to knights and the nobility.

Posted by: Kiln Jun 7 2008, 06:10 PM

QUOTE(Black Hand @ Jun 4 2008, 05:37 AM) *

I still stand by my consensus theory however, not so much because I am an attention mother of mine, (a little) but rather, I like to know that I am entertaining my audience. When people feel they are reading a good story, than I in turn am happy. When I receive the positive feedback, than I know people are responding well to my work, when readership drops off, then I know I am not doing so well. I do this for the fans as much as for myself. I could write stories for myself and hoard them on a word program or somesuch, but it seem pointless to me, I feel the need to share. What is the point of a finely prepared dinner that noone will partake in?
My thoughts exactly Black Hand. I think that people should be able to share their work without fear of someone coming and cutting them down right afterwards. Don't get me wrong I think that critiques are great but its the delivery of which that can seem hostile and demeaning.

QUOTE
(I saw a thread by someone called Paragenic saying that he/she was leaving Chorrol because he/she was fed up by the attitude of our forums).
If you read what was going on in that thread carefully you'll see that Paragenic was being a bit dramatic by leaving the forums. More of a tantrum than anything I'd say.


Posted by: seerauna Jun 30 2008, 02:16 AM

I did not join this forum just for the contest. (I came a month after it ended.laugh.gif)Actually, I joined for the fan fiction after I discovered the site when I got Oblivion. I know I'm a new member and I don't mean to intrude on your little community. I just thought I'd post some of my own stories here.

Posted by: redsrock Jun 30 2008, 02:23 AM

Wonderful, I'd love to read them. smile.gif One thing though, what kind of feedback would you like? I myself like the more critical type, but not too harsh of course.

What I'm saying is that I would love to try and give your some suggestions and advice, but if that is not what you want by all means tell me so.

Posted by: minque Jul 6 2008, 11:46 PM

I just wish to say a few friendly words to the talented writers of this forum.

You all create good stories, some of you create excellent ones and some outstanding, all according to me and my taste. This is just me and my thoughts and shall be regarded as such ok?

I have my favourites, and I think you all have. For my part I'm especially fond of stories with a complicated intrigue, relations and descriptions of the characters. Quite a few of you fellow-writers has come up with just that kind of material.

@Redsrock: You are so productive! You have a lot of stories running and that impress me, since they are all of very high quality. Keep it up, you're doing great!

@Blackie: As I've mentioned in one of your story-threads I so admire your way with words! You also created a character who I'm terribly "in love" with, Sethyas Velas. I'm so glad I'm allowed to use him in my story, so thanks a lot for that. Now you also created another one, a woman, who I think is a fascinating one, I like her a lot. All in all I'm a steady reader of your work so keep 'em coming!

@treydog: You're the one who made me start writing! The inspiration your stories have brought me is immense. We all recognize the superior quality of your writing, so there are no more words to describe it. Hopefully we will see much more of your work.

@Mallie: You're outstanding when it comes to fighting and battle scenes! You know I think that, right? You know how to build up tension and your knowledge of weapon and the technique of fighting is remarkable.

@Mr Cloudy: What is said above goes for you as well! All of it!

@BSD-IES: A professional! You can tell by the way with words! I so wish I could be a tenth as good as you are ! Therefore I'm so happy when you post nice comments on my writing.

@All the rest of you writers: You are great! You put a lot of effort in your work and I never read a boring or bad story on these boards! So I sincerely hope you will continue and spread joy to us all, because that's what you're doing!


Thank you all writers for making me happy!! goodjob.gif

Posted by: redsrock Jul 7 2008, 12:18 AM

Thank you, Minque. You don't know how happy that makes me, especially coming from an excellent writer like yourself. smile.gif

Posted by: Agent Griff Jul 13 2008, 02:23 PM

Why do I always get categorized in the "Others" category? tongue.gif

Nah, I'm not upset. I remember we talked about one of my stories some time ago (a pretty long time ago actually) Minque, and I was asking you how stories were posted on the main sit since that was my main ambition at the time. Now that story is on the main site, and I'm sure I have you to thank besides Alexander and the other mods and admins since you must have put in a good word.

You also commented on my story several times in your very characteristic style (in that warm and fuzzy manner tongue.gif) and I can't help but appreciate people who discuss my work.

I also feel the same way about those writers you mentioned. Top of the line, though I believe you forgot to mention Alexander. Judging by his latest story (better said epic) he deserves to be among those writers you mentioned.

Posted by: minque Jul 13 2008, 07:31 PM

QUOTE(Agent Griff @ Jul 13 2008, 03:23 PM) *

Why do I always get categorized in the "Others" category? tongue.gif

Nah, I'm not upset. I remember we talked about one of my stories some time ago (a pretty long time ago actually) Minque, and I was asking you how stories were posted on the main sit since that was my main ambition at the time. Now that story is on the main site, and I'm sure I have you to thank besides Alexander and the other mods and admins since you must have put in a good word.

You also commented on my story several times in your very characteristic style (in that warm and fuzzy manner tongue.gif) and I can't help but appreciate people who discuss my work.

I also feel the same way about those writers you mentioned. Top of the line, though I believe you forgot to mention Alexander. Judging by his latest story (better said epic) he deserves to be among those writers you mentioned.

Awww Griffie! Sorry, my bad! I should naturally have given you a comment of your own! Bu please remember that I appreciate your writing, and have so all the time!

Of course Alex should be mentioned! His story Morrowind is really a masterpiece! Now...I'm sure he already knows that though! wink.gif

Posted by: darkynd Dec 10 2008, 06:24 AM

At the risk of necroing an old thread (although can you do that with a sticky?) I'd like to revive this thing and make some general comments about a couple of stories I've been following. Hopefully I'll be able to formulate more pointed criticisms and encouragements soon, but I want to give my impressions and maybe let the authors know they are not toiling in obscurity. smile.gif

Just a little disclaimer; all of this is my opinion, and if you disagree with it, I'd be more than happy to discuss.

The Fall of Lorit (Jac) - A little story which has been showing a lot of improvement. It started out a little shaky, with a lot of simple sentences, and a lot of pronoun repetition, but Jac's steadily made it better. Two things I recommend: cut down on the pronoun repetition even further (she, he, etc.) and introduce more detail. Describe how people talk, how they look, how they move, the scenery, all that jazz.

The Cover Up (Lord Veneficus) - The prologue was a bit forced, but the second chapter was quite good. I realize it's a sequel and I never read the original, but I'm already interested in Eric. I hope Veneficus keeps up the story. A suggestion for him: get us even more acquainted with the main character! I really am curious about how he'll change as his adventures take him along.

Redsrock - I hate not to comment on one particular story, but he has so many! A very prolific writer, and very consistent in his writing. One suggestion to Redsrock: your stories are very much dialogue-driven. But (and unless memory fails, I've mentioned this before) you do need to flesh out your characters by other means as well. Note that this is mostly applicable to your third-person stories; you do very well in first-person. That is my general observation, and it's meant more to give you something to think about as you review your stories; someday soon I hope to give you (and all of these other authors) more complete comments in the stories' threads.

And that's all for today. I'd like to close by thanking all of the fine authors here. Reading your work and critiquing it is incredibly helpful to my writing process and in analyzing my own writing, and I get some first-class entertainment out of it all to boot!

Posted by: redsrock Dec 10 2008, 02:28 PM

Thanks, Darkynd. smile.gif And yeah...you pretty much nailed it on the head. Third-person has always been harder for me than first-person. I can BE descriptive, but in the past I've been described as TOO descriptive. I just need to find that balance in between.

Posted by: darkynd Dec 10 2008, 04:00 PM

QUOTE(redsrock @ Dec 10 2008, 05:28 AM) *

Thanks, Darkynd. smile.gif And yeah...you pretty much nailed it on the head. Third-person has always been harder for me than first-person. I can BE descriptive, but in the past I've been described as TOO descriptive. I just need to find that balance in between.


Yes, it is very hard to find that balance. Lord knows, I myself struggle with it constantly. But you're definitely heading in the right direction; you write so much, and simply writing and reading a lot is the fastest way to get better.

And I wonder, could you possibly direct me to where it was said you used too much description? I would like to see where you came from and how your writing has changed from that, and see if I could maybe lend some insight.

Posted by: Jac Dec 10 2008, 04:58 PM

Thanks, darkynd. One thing I've always struggled with was how much detail to put in. Too much and you can lose the reader. To little and you can risk leaving the reader with wanting more. I've never had a creative writing class, so I'm still trying to learn as I go and the feedback helps immensly. smile.gif

Posted by: redsrock Dec 10 2008, 05:02 PM

QUOTE(darkynd @ Dec 10 2008, 04:00 PM) *

And I wonder, could you possibly direct me to where it was said you used too much description? I would like to see where you came from and how your writing has changed from that, and see if I could maybe lend some insight.


Hmm...I can't seem to remember. I know it was the early part of summer, and it very possibly could have been during my first "Tales of Teir" story. *shrug* Another thing I tend to have a problem with is telling, rather than showing.

Posted by: darkynd Dec 11 2008, 03:19 AM

QUOTE(Jac @ Dec 10 2008, 07:58 AM) *

Thanks, darkynd. One thing I've always struggled with was how much detail to put in. Too much and you can lose the reader. To little and you can risk leaving the reader with wanting more. I've never had a creative writing class, so I'm still trying to learn as I go and the feedback helps immensly. smile.gif


Yeah, I haven't taken one yet either. Classes are limited in being able to teach you how to write though, since it's such a personal thing. The easiest way to learn though is just read read read; and deconstruct it. Read fiction of any stripe and see what you like, what you don't like, and try to build from there.


QUOTE(redsrock @ Dec 10 2008, 08:02 AM) *

Hmm...I can't seem to remember. I know it was the early part of summer, and it very possibly could have been during my first "Tales of Teir" story. *shrug* Another thing I tend to have a problem with is telling, rather than showing.


Well, I will trawl back through your writing...although that could possibly take a while tongue.gif

And I think you'll often find that 'showing' and including a fair bit of detail are pretty inextricably linked. Simply telling often doesn't require a lot of depth, so if you find that you're able to push out a story incredibly fast you might want to give it a harder look than usual. That's what I've learned from experience - and what I'm still learning.

One bit of advice that I have not yet seen on this forum but would like to bring up is this: If you have the time (which you ought to if you can waste any reading on this site tongue.gif ) then you should always try and break down at least some part of a story and comment on it. Even this small amount of crit will help you immensely in your own writing. By breaking a story down you learn a lot about how other people approach their writing and thus glean some additional insight into how you do so with yours. Not to mention it also helps the author of the story, so it's in everyone's best interests!

Posted by: minque Apr 5 2010, 09:42 PM

Ok folks, this is my way of telling you that I do read! yes I read, one part at a time, then when I've read the parts of one story...well then there's another one! So you will get comments from me, I assure you but you're all post-machines and there's no way I'll be able to stay constantly updated ...not all the time!

But I will also tell you that there's so many wonderful stories here now, I'm deeply impressed and i find it awesome that the fanfic-section here is so lively!

Thank you all writers....I love your stories and I love you all!

Posted by: mALX Apr 6 2010, 02:03 AM

QUOTE(minque @ Apr 5 2010, 04:42 PM) *

Ok folks, this is my way of telling you that I do read! yes I read, one part at a time, then when I've read the parts of one story...well then there's another one! So you will get comments from me, I assure you but you're all post-machines and there's no way I'll be able to stay constantly updated ...not all the time!

But I will also tell you that there's so many wonderful stories here now, I'm deeply impressed and i find it awesome that the fanfic-section here is so lively!

Thank you all writers....I love your stories and I love you all!



I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say Thank You for having us here! You are greatly appreciated!

Posted by: minque Jun 14 2010, 11:48 PM

hey all!

Time is hard nowadays, or rather life is hard, I have absolutely not so much time to be online as I wish...so I will just say that I'll try to catch up with your wonderful stories as soon as I can...

Eventually I will get that one whole day I'll need to do it!

Lots of love to all of you

Posted by: mALX Aug 20 2010, 07:49 PM

QUOTE(minque @ Jun 14 2010, 06:48 PM) *

hey all!

Time is hard nowadays, or rather life is hard, I have absolutely not so much time to be online as I wish...so I will just say that I'll try to catch up with your wonderful stories as soon as I can...

Eventually I will get that one whole day I'll need to do it!

Lots of love to all of you



Minque <3

It took me weeks to catch up. While I was off everyone started writing like banshees. I had to read like one to catch up. Thank you Evelyn Woods!!!


Posted by: Lord Veneficus Mar 17 2011, 12:24 AM

QUOTE
The Cover Up (Lord Veneficus) - The prologue was a bit forced, but the second chapter was quite good. I realize it's a sequel and I never read the original, but I'm already interested in Eric. I hope Veneficus keeps up the story. A suggestion for him: get us even more acquainted with the main character! I really am curious about how he'll change as his adventures take him along.


Wow. I can't believe I didn't notice this. I appreciate your comments, Darkynd.

God, I have a bunch of these stories that I need to pick back up and dust off.

Posted by: Zalphon Nov 13 2011, 04:37 PM

To all the fanfics I didn't get to read today, you're on my list. I'll be getting you when I get time next, I assure you of that.

Posted by: Burnt Sierra Mar 4 2013, 06:06 PM

Ok, quick post here.

First up - mALX, SubRosa, Grits and Black Hand...

Unfortunately I've been off the forums for the past year and a half (real life decided to become a nightmare), so I'm attempting to catch up on your stories. Which seeing that all of you in some regard seem to have become posting machines, (used to be your nickname Black Hand about 6 years ago if I remember correctly tongue.gif ), it might take me a while... I will catch up, I WILL!

Secondly:

We seem to have quite a few new writers that have appeared. Seeing as I wasn't here to welcome you when you arrived, a belated WELCOME to all of you. smile.gif

Again, I will be trying my hardest to catch up on all that you've written.

*Pleads for patience and understanding*

Right then. Best get back to reading, hadn't I? Glad Minkey set up this thread now tongue.gif

Posted by: mALX Mar 4 2013, 06:13 PM

QUOTE(Burnt Sierra @ Mar 4 2013, 12:06 PM) *

Ok, quick post here.

First up - mALX, SubRosa, Grits and Black Hand...

Unfortunately I've been off the forums for the past year and a half (real life decided to become a nightmare), so I'm attempting to catch up on your stories. Which seeing that all of you in some regard seem to have become posting machines, (used to be your nickname Black Hand about 6 years ago if I remember correctly tongue.gif ), it might take me a while... I will catch up, I WILL!

Secondly:

We seem to have quite a few new writers that have appeared. Seeing as I wasn't here to welcome you when you arrived, a belated WELCOME to all of you. smile.gif

Again, I will be trying my hardest to catch up on all that you've written.

*Pleads for patience and understanding*

Right then. Best get back to reading, hadn't I? Glad Minkey set up this thread now tongue.gif



Thanks Burnt Sierra! It is so good to see you back on here, hope the real life issues have resolved so we can see more of you!



Posted by: Eva Mar 8 2013, 06:33 PM

Still catching up with a lot of stories here!

Really enjoying A New Sun Rises, Teresa of the Faint Smile, No Elves in Sovngarde... just to name a few!

I've managed to full catch up on one story, which is Jerric's story!

Still got plenty to go... but i'm loving everything smile.gif

Posted by: mALX Mar 13 2013, 06:35 AM

QUOTE(Eva @ Mar 8 2013, 01:33 PM) *

Still catching up with a lot of stories here!

Really enjoying A New Sun Rises, Teresa of the Faint Smile, No Elves in Sovngarde... just to name a few!

I've managed to full catch up on one story, which is Jerric's story!

Still got plenty to go... but i'm loving everything smile.gif



Thanks Eva !!!

Posted by: Rihanae Apr 17 2013, 10:23 PM

Slowly catching up....

Slowly slowly....

My schedule has returned to normal now...

So much to catch up on.... I CANT WAIT!

Congrats on the new book, Elizabeth! (Still need to finish the first one tongue.gif) Haha

Posted by: ThatSkyrimGuy May 10 2013, 01:35 PM

So, my gig that was going to keep me away for a few days fell through, but I have held back on posting to my story, http://chorrol.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=5306, to avoid getting into the "I've written so much and I want people to read it now" trap. I would like to thank Acadian, mALX, and SubRosa once again for their kind comments. I have read Acadian's "Executive Summary" of Buffy's saga, mALX's Chapter Outline of Maxical's adventures, and some of SubRosa's "Previously, on Teresa..." paragraphs. While the idea of these summaries is an excellent one, I can't live on just that. Might as well ask a thief to unlock a door and then not enter the room. Since posting comments about Chapter 1 in a post that follows Chapter 203 (in Maxical's case), I am going to start posting my comments on these stories in this thread. But it will have to wait until tonight, because I am going to be late for work if I don't get moving! tongue.gif

Posted by: ThatSkyrimGuy May 12 2013, 04:58 PM

Well, "tonight" turned into two days later, but a Sunday morning affords the time for this. I have read the first chapters of Maxical, Buffy, and Teresa -

A New Sun Rises - A very intriguing and deep introduction to this story. A hybrid of Khajiit and human, possibly a lycanthrope based on "...too big for a cat, and fur so dark it coulda' been covered in coal soot.", and the silver dagger. I loved the last lines referring to her actual name, "You either live up to it or get angry. I did both." And the picture of Maxical is really cool too. Definitely completely different from any Khajiit I've ever seen. Great stuff!

Buffy the Bowgirl - We meet the 17 year old Bravilian Bosmer playing decoy for her friend and partner in crime. I have the feeling that the words "cute" and "adorable" will be used often when I post comments. Just as SubRosa did almost 3 years ago, I loved this line, "Maybe I needed bigger eyelashes.". Adorable! This will be a fun read.

Teresa of the Faint Smile - What an excellent beginning to Teresa's story, complete with a screenshot. I really liked the whole package. Mythic Dawn agents, the dying man trying to warn of impending assassination, and then the ultimate incrimination of Teresa. All played out in a perfectly described and flowing narrative. Very well written and enjoyable!

Posted by: mALX May 12 2013, 06:47 PM

QUOTE(ThatSkyrimGuy @ May 12 2013, 11:58 AM) *

Well, "tonight" turned into two days later, but a Sunday morning affords the time for this. I have read the first chapters of Maxical, Buffy, and Teresa -

A New Sun Rises - A very intriguing and deep introduction to this story. A hybrid of Khajiit and human, possibly a lycanthrope based on "...too big for a cat, and fur so dark it coulda' been covered in coal soot.", and the silver dagger. I loved the last lines referring to her actual name, "You either live up to it or get angry. I did both." And the picture of Maxical is really cool too. Definitely completely different from any Khajiit I've ever seen. Great stuff!



Thank you so very much ThatSkyrimGuy! I have just been plunk in the middle of rewriting all the early chapters, (they originally were my first attempts at writing, so def needed redone). Yours is the first review the re-written beginning has gotten, I so appreciate your kind words on it! I'll have to get on the ball rewriting those early chapters and stay ahead of you, lol.

I will def catch up on your thread, although it may not be till late tonight before I can. Thank you so much again ThatSkyrimGuy!





Posted by: ThatSkyrimGuy May 15 2013, 04:55 AM

Another chapter of the three stories I've started reading have come and gone...

A New Sun Rises - Now we're getting some insight into Maxical. Somewhat insecure, undoubtedly from orphanage life. A klutzy prankster who's clumsiness gets confused with intentional pranks by those that witness them. And last but not least, a natural sword ability that has attracted the attentions of a swordmaster.

"A test? I hate tests! Can't we just skip that part?"
Loved this line! It was as if skipping the test might be a real possibility.

For a moment, I thought Nissy and Maxical were going to pinky-swear...LOL

And now the home visit with Alix...can't wait to read it. Great write! goodjob.gif

Teresa of the Faint Smile - The stringy Bosmer wakes up in the Imperial Prison. It's been so long since I played TES IV:Oblivion that it was like being reintroduced to an old friend. Your descriptive style of writing shines through. Lines like 'Pain flared bright and hot through the steady beating between her temples...' and 'The voice dripped with sarcasm, like venom from a serpent's mouth.' are brilliant. I could form a perfect picture of Teresa's surroundings, even if I hadn't ever played the game. The flow was seamless. I'm looking forward to reliving the journey out of the city. Awesome write!

Buffy the Bowgirl - Another Bosmer woman wakes to find herself in prison. It is going to be great fun to compare the two different stories of escape. I loved the touch about her wrist irons being enchanted to prevent Magicka use. I had said in my last post that "cute" and "adorable" might be watch words.

There I was, dressed in rags, dirty and I knew my hair was a mess. I was also sure I didn't smell too good.

and the equally cute...

Why would he dream about dirty-faced elves?

And we have also met Acadian...sort of...at least we know he's with her. Now Buffy has a bow and has caught up with the Emperor's party. Because I've played the game, I know what comes next, but I can't wait to find out. Excellent stuff! salute.gif

Posted by: mALX May 15 2013, 11:39 PM

QUOTE(ThatSkyrimGuy @ May 14 2013, 11:55 PM) *

Another chapter of the three stories I've started reading have come and gone...

A New Sun Rises - Now we're getting some insight into Maxical. Somewhat insecure, undoubtedly from orphanage life. A klutzy prankster who's clumsiness gets confused with intentional pranks by those that witness them. And last but not least, a natural sword ability that has attracted the attentions of a swordmaster.

"A test? I hate tests! Can't we just skip that part?"
Loved this line! It was as if skipping the test might be a real possibility.

For a moment, I thought Nissy and Maxical were going to pinky-swear...LOL

And now the home visit with Alix...can't wait to read it. Great write! goodjob.gif



Thank you so very much for reading! That natural ability with swords wasn't her own, that was Amiela's talent with swords shining through, unbeknownst to everyone including Maxical. Thank you so much again, ThatSkyrimGuy!



Posted by: SubRosa May 19 2013, 07:30 PM

QUOTE(ThatSkyrimGuy @ May 14 2013, 11:55 PM) *

Teresa of the Faint Smile - The stringy Bosmer wakes up in the Imperial Prison. It's been so long since I played TES IV:Oblivion that it was like being reintroduced to an old friend. Your descriptive style of writing shines through. Lines like 'Pain flared bright and hot through the steady beating between her temples...' and 'The voice dripped with sarcasm, like venom from a serpent's mouth.' are brilliant. I could form a perfect picture of Teresa's surroundings, even if I hadn't ever played the game. The flow was seamless. I'm looking forward to reliving the journey out of the city. Awesome write!

Thank you for the comments! I always appreciate anything anyone has to say, as it helps me become a better writer. I remember way back when I was taking a Creative Writing class that description was one thing the instructor stressed. He wanted us to make the world come alive to the reader. Now too much description can be a bad thing, as it bogs down the story. But it is good to get in the habit of painting a lush picture to start with. After a while you learn what does not need attention and just gloss over those things, and keep the reader's attention on the things that do matter.

Posted by: ThatSkyrimGuy May 19 2013, 10:00 PM

Three more chapters down...

A New Sun Rises Chapter 2-The Home Visit - This was a touching chapter. Good job at bringing all of the emotions to the forefront. The mishaps (intentional and not so) were hilarious! For example -

I'd discovered you could access the roof from the hill behind the Inn if you ran and then leaped. S’Jirra has hundreds of Jumbo potatoes around that she uses to make the best potato bread I've ever tasted. It was only natural for me to play with the potatoes on the roof because they would roll down it and drop off.

I am a cat lover and owner. I have a tom that will jump up on a table and just knock stuff off to watch it fall. It was all I could think about reading that passage! laugh.gif

I did have some personal nits, but since I am a noob with zero training in writing, I'll keep those to myself. All in all, it was a great write that left me glad for Maxical's successful home visit. Good Job! goodjob.gif

Buffy the Bowgirl Chapter 2.2-The Great Escape (cont.) - The beginning of this one made me realize how much I miss goblins in Skyrim. Fun to shoot! tongue.gif I really like your rendition of the opening tutorial in this chapter and the last one. Buffy's strategy at handling her goblin foes was spot on and well explained. And then there is the bit at the end -

Choking back a sudden urge to cry, I put my hands on my hips and defiantly threw back my head. "Look", I said angrily, "if we're going to travel together, we need to reach some understandings. You obviously know many valuable things about my world, and I believe you can help me; but just as obviously, you know nothing about women. We are going to have to work together here. I'm filthy, bone tired and I stink. I'm not going one step further without a bath in this nice lake."

This was priceless! I'm looking forward to the next chapter. salute.gif

Teresa of the Faint Smile Chapter 2b-On the Wings of Ravens (cont.) - Another great description of the opening tutorial, or part of it. As I said in my last post, it is really fun to read two different authors write about the same scene at the same time. I like the way Teresa refers to the Mythic Dawn agents as "Red Robes", and thereby giving them a title. And I also really like this -

Teresa began to think that she was sneaking with the silence and grace of The Grey Fox as she shadowed them. That was until she came around a corner to find the Redguard standing over her with his curved sword ready to fall.

"Eeep!" Teresa squealed, and fell on her backside as she tried to jump away. The Blade just stood there with a look of disgust on his face, and lowered his weapon.


Patting herself on the back, and then BUSTED! laugh.gif Great stuff! goodjob.gif

Posted by: mALX May 19 2013, 10:07 PM

QUOTE(ThatSkyrimGuy @ May 19 2013, 05:00 PM) *

Three more chapters down...

A New Sun Rises Chapter 2-The Home Visit - This was a touching chapter. Good job at bringing all of the emotions to the forefront. The mishaps (intentional and not so) were hilarious! For example -

I'd discovered you could access the roof from the hill behind the Inn if you ran and then leaped. S’Jirra has hundreds of Jumbo potatoes around that she uses to make the best potato bread I've ever tasted. It was only natural for me to play with the potatoes on the roof because they would roll down it and drop off.

I am a cat lover and owner. I have a tom that will jump up on a table and just knock stuff off to watch it fall. It was all I could think about reading that passage! laugh.gif

I did have some personal nits, but since I am a noob with zero training in writing, I'll keep those to myself. All in all, it was a great write that left me glad for Maxical's successful home visit. Good Job! goodjob.gif



I'm the same way, noob at writing and not wanting to mention anything to someone else - but am very open to critiques, if you want to PM me any concerns, please do! I also have a cat, and he is the same way, lol. Thank you so much for continuing reading, your comments are very appreciated!



Posted by: SubRosa May 19 2013, 11:13 PM

QUOTE(ThatSkyrimGuy @ May 19 2013, 05:00 PM) *

As I said in my last post, it is really fun to read two different authors write about the same scene at the same time.

That is something I love as well. There are so many different ways to write the same characters and events, that they become new every time. Such as my version of the Battle of Bruma and Hautecole Rider's. OTOH, one of the rather fun and amusing things is how sometimes we will base our depiction of a character upon the writing of another. For example, thanks to mALX, I simply cannot imagine Fathis Aren as anything other than a skirt-chasing hound, so that is what he is in the TF.


QUOTE(ThatSkyrimGuy @ May 19 2013, 05:00 PM) *

Patting herself on the back, and then BUSTED! laugh.gif Great stuff! goodjob.gif

That part about Teresa falling on her back (the part part she was patting herself upon wink.gif) was indeed fun to write. biggrin.gif

Posted by: Acadian May 20 2013, 12:10 AM

QUOTE(ThatSkyrimGuy @ May 19 2013, 02:00 PM) *

Buffy the Bowgirl Chapter 2.2-The Great Escape (cont.) ...
Thanks much for your continued reading and support! As you get further into the stories, you will discover references or even cameo appearances among these three young ladies (Maxical, Teresa and Buffy). Most notably is the Tournament of Archers, where Buffy and Teresa describe the same week in Bravil from their own unique and very differing perspectives, even running into each other a couple times.

Posted by: ThatSkyrimGuy May 26 2013, 03:12 PM

Got my Sunday morning read on...

A New Sun Rises Chapter 3-The Day of Fathis Aren - Delightfully humorous chapter here. From the discussion in the barracks about Uriel and Fathis accounting for 90% of Cyrodiil's bastards to the squadron of pigeons dive-bombing everyone in sight, this chapter had me chuckling most of the way through. laugh.gif

Then Nissy turns up missing and-

"Avidius said they've never had anyone named Nisaba here. He looked through the files right in front of me. He said they've had no other Khajiit in the five years Maxical has been here."

-leaving us with a bit of a mystery. Great stuff! goodjob.gif

Teresa of the Faint Smile Chapter 2c-On the Wings of Ravens (cont.) - We've reached the end of the tutorial, and again it is with some truly great writing. The way you are developing Teresa is excellent, giving us just what we need at the moment, but building a more complete picture of her. Our stringy Bosmer seems to have a touch of inner rage-

With an effort Teresa pulled the sword from his body and stabbed him again and again, thinking nothing of her wound, or of anything else in the world. She heard a woman shrieking, and it was not until Baurus pulled the sword from her hand and lifted her to her feet that she realized it was her.

-I'll try to stay on her good side. cool.gif

The bits about both the Emperor's and Baurus' logic that she must be the one to deliver the amulet was a nice touch. Great job! salute.gif

Buffy the Bowgirl Chapter 3-Buffy Fights Her Way Home - This chapter had lots of nifty little details. First, I like that Buffy didn't rush straight to Weynon Priory, as the game would have you do. That lent itself to the other details, needing food and money and how to get them. All were presented in a perfectly natural sequence, ultimately ending in Buffy at the Arena. This line-

Besides, I reflected guiltily, I knew more about killing men than sleeping with them.

-was both humorous and yet left me knowing that our little Bosmer Bowgirl was not to be trifled with.

So now it is off to Bravil...Great write! goodjob.gif

Jerric's Story Chapter 1-Working Vacation - I should have started this one sooner! As Acadian originally pointed out, a male protagonist is a nice change from from the three ladies I have been following. You have done a great job of introducing Darnand and Jerric. At first I thought of comparing them to Abbott and Costello, but that doesn't do them justice. I think Felix Unger and Oscar Madison is much closer to the mark! tongue.gif It's hard for me to pick a standout line because the exchanges are all so good, but I did like-

"Drink up," he said. "We have to hurry and get loaded so we can sober up before dinner."

-...Nords... laugh.gif Great beginning! salute.gif

Posted by: mALX May 30 2013, 11:49 PM

QUOTE(ThatSkyrimGuy @ May 26 2013, 10:12 AM) *

Got my Sunday morning read on...

A New Sun Rises Chapter 3-The Day of Fathis Aren - Delightfully humorous chapter here. From the discussion in the barracks about Uriel and Fathis accounting for 90% of Cyrodiil's bastards to the squadron of pigeons dive-bombing everyone in sight, this chapter had me chuckling most of the way through. laugh.gif

Then Nissy turns up missing and-

"Avidius said they've never had anyone named Nisaba here. He looked through the files right in front of me. He said they've had no other Khajiit in the five years Maxical has been here."

-leaving us with a bit of a mystery. Great stuff! goodjob.gif



Thank you so much ThatSkyrimGuy! I am so sorry I've gotten behind on reading, am trying to pull myself together and get back on schedule with reading your story (and the others I've gotten behind on). Just having a lot of trouble focusing on Tamriel since my Mom passed - slower coming back than I thought I would be. sad.gif


Posted by: ThatSkyrimGuy May 30 2013, 11:59 PM

QUOTE(mALX @ May 30 2013, 05:49 PM) *

Thank you so much ThatSkyrimGuy! I am so sorry I've gotten behind on reading, am trying to pull myself together and get back on schedule with reading your story (and the others I've gotten behind on). Just having a lot of trouble focusing on Tamriel since my Mom passed - slower coming back than I thought I would be. sad.gif

No worries mALX, and definitely no need to apologize. I would be a basket case in your shoes, believe me. Take your time and come on back when you are ready. Hug_emoticon.gif

Posted by: ThatSkyrimGuy Jun 2 2013, 06:26 PM

Sunday morning reading completed...

A New Sun Rises Chapter 4-School Years - This was a delightful chapter. The letters home were hilarious! laugh.gif They gave just enough information to let the reader's imagination take them and run. They way they started..."You might be getting a letter from..." and then one has, "For your own peace of mind, it may be best if you just tear up any letters from the school that aren’t from me."...too funny!

Great stuff and looking forward to next Sunday goodjob.gif

Teresa of the Faint Smile Chapter 3a-Masser's Light - I was a little premature in saying that we reached the end of the tutorial last week. Teresa still had to get past the goblins before the reaching the sewer gate. Your description of how she did this was excellent! The entire scene flowed with ease. And Teresa gets a bow! A Bosmer's best friend. wink.gif

Can't wait to read more! salute.gif

Buffy the Bowgirl Chapter 4-Homecoming - From the boat ride, to the introduction of The Shimmering Isles DLC, to your treatment of Daenlin, I really enjoyed this chapter.

Much to the amusement of the crew, I removed my clothes, wrapped them tightly in a piece of oilcloth from the ship and stuffed the bundle into my pack. -- Buffy living up to her name laugh.gif

I'm eager to continue following Buffy through the upcoming Guild Recommendation quests, as much as I am curious to see what she ends up doing with the Amulet of Kings. Great write! salute.gif

Jerric's Story Chapter 2-On the Gold Road, Part 1 - Another fun read here. Jerric is quite the character! The whole exchange with Rutila was fantastic and had me chuckling for sure. laugh.gif Velwyn Benirus, a.k.a "Benirus Beast-Slayer" is also a great character. Then the food descriptions...they actually made me hungry.

Very well done and ready for more! (referring to reading as well as food) tongue.gif

Posted by: mALX Jun 3 2013, 04:56 AM

QUOTE(ThatSkyrimGuy @ Jun 2 2013, 01:26 PM) *

Sunday morning reading completed...

A New Sun Rises Chapter 4-School Years - This was a delightful chapter. The letters home were hilarious! laugh.gif They gave just enough information to let the reader's imagination take them and run. They way they started..."You might be getting a letter from..." and then one has, "For your own peace of mind, it may be best if you just tear up any letters from the school that aren’t from me."...too funny!

Great stuff and looking forward to next Sunday goodjob.gif


Thank you so very much - looks like I need to get on the ball with editing chapter 5 in a hurry, lol. Thank you ThatSkyrimGuy, I so appreciate reading these comments and remembering the early chapters. Knowing you are enjoying the read means so much!




Posted by: Grits Jun 3 2013, 01:45 PM

Thank you, SkyrimGuy! Gosh, it’s fun to remember these early chapters. I’m glad you’re reading! smile.gif

Posted by: ThatSkyrimGuy Jun 16 2013, 03:17 PM

After missing a week due to RL commitments, I got my Sunday read on...

Buffy the Bowgirl Chapter 5-You Hear Voices Too? - What an excellent technique you used here. At first I thought you had completely bypassed any description of getting to the Kalthar kill, but then you back tracked nicely, followed by seamlessly bringing me back to the present. Kudos! I also have to agree with what SubRosa and Winter Wolf posted regarding Dagail's recognition of Acadian. Very clever indeed! Looking forward to continuing this read.

Teresa of the Faint Smile Chapter 3b-Masser's Light (cont.) - Now we are out of the sewer and finished with the tutorial. As was mentioned by others, that bath after leaving the sewers is practically manditory. I really liked the Night-Eye goggles...I'm guessing a mod here, as I don't recall them from when I played. As with what I have previously read, this chapter flowed with seamless ease. Do I sense that Teresa is becoming comfortable, and perhaps, dare I say, enjoying combat? Great write!

Jerric's Story Chapter 2-On the Gold Road, Part 2 - This was hilarious! Jerric's antics had me in stitches. From the waking with some unknown woman-ish companion (sweet revenge for Velwyn) to the little things like Jerric let go of some wind and treated himself to a leisurely scratch...too funny. And then from humor to an exciting battle scene. The whole package was excellent. Fantastic stuff!

A New Sun Rises - On hiatus per the author's request.

Posted by: SubRosa Jun 16 2013, 04:39 PM

Like Grits said, it sure is fun to remember those early chapters SkyGuy! So glad to see you are still reading. Which reminds me, now that I have a little time I need to start doing the same...

Posted by: Grits Jun 23 2013, 01:36 PM

Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed it! smile.gif It was fun to write those sections.

Posted by: ThatSkyrimGuy Jun 23 2013, 03:04 PM

Getting my Sunday read on...coffee and Cyrodiil after last night's ale...

Buffy the Bowgirl Chapter 6-Superian - The Cheydinhal MG Recommendation. Buffy gets to expose Falcar for the murderer that he is.

I loved these two lines -
Perhaps even more than a haughty Altmer with one eyebrow so typically raised in permanent disdain.
and
Falcar picked imaginary lint from the sleeve of his black and burgundy finery as he tersely continued,
Perfect images of a snobby Altmer!

And Buffy gets her horse, going broke in the process. All in all, a very enjoyable chapter goodjob.gif

A New Sun Rises Chapter 5-Graduation Day and Fathis - Maxical gets her diploma, after suffering through Raminus' recitation of her less than stellar performances. I love the infusion of humor.

Arch Mage Traven said because of me he had become an expert in healing injuries that involved arrow wounds.
Probably better for Nirn that Maxical has mastered a blade! tongue.gif

And now she is promised to Fathis in order to get Alix out of debt. I can't wait to see where that leads. Great write!

Teresa of the Faint Smile Chapter 4a-For The Emperor - Cleaned of sewer sludge and sated by cooked crab, Teresa finally gets to rest.

The dream sequence is very intriguing and I am interested in the robed figure's role.

The way you described Teresa trying to don the necklace was brilliant! And the whole chapter flowed with your usual seamless style. Great stuff! salute.gif

Jerric's Story Chapter 3-Welcome to the Imperial City, Part 1 - What a great way to show typical Jerric at the start if this chapter. And his brother's complaint about Jerric getting his money's worth was a nice touch.

Let the prison escape begin. I like how you gave it your own flair with the exchange between Valen Dreth and Jerric, especially Jerric's humor.

I'm already looking forward to the next chapter...

Posted by: Darkness Eternal Jun 25 2013, 01:31 AM

I always felt like I was too late to read these amazing stories. Like the new guy who showed up after the party was over. But hey, its not too late I suppose. I can always start cool.gif

I will indeed get into these stories. mALX, I already read yours and though it took me some time to get use to the terms(vamp juices, seals, etc) it was nevertheless a good read. Buffy, I've read the latter parts of the last book and the first book entirely, but I must read the entire thing. Teresa? SubRosa, I've read some of the chapters but forgive me for not taking the time to comment on them with proper feedback *hides in shame*.

Grits, don't get me started tongue.gif

Posted by: mALX Jun 28 2013, 04:25 AM

QUOTE(ThatSkyrimGuy @ Jun 23 2013, 10:04 AM) *

A New Sun Rises Chapter 5-Graduation Day and Fathis - Maxical gets her diploma, after suffering through Raminus' recitation of her less than stellar performances. I love the infusion of humor.

Arch Mage Traven said because of me he had become an expert in healing injuries that involved arrow wounds.
Probably better for Nirn that Maxical has mastered a blade! tongue.gif

And now she is promised to Fathis in order to get Alix out of debt. I can't wait to see where that leads. Great write!



Thank you so very much ThatSkyrimGuy! I so appreciate your patience in waiting for that re-write - trying to shorten the story and bring the beginning into a better focus for where it is heading.

Er, I'm working on chapter 6, just haven't gotten far due to the storms this week. I'll let you know if it is ready by Sunday, lol. I'm so sorry about the delays, and really appreciate your continued reading, thank you again!


Posted by: mALX Jun 28 2013, 04:28 AM

QUOTE(Darkness Eternal @ Jun 24 2013, 08:31 PM) *

I always felt like I was too late to read these amazing stories. Like the new guy who showed up after the party was over. But hey, its not too late I suppose. I can always start cool.gif

I will indeed get into these stories. mALX, I already read yours and though it took me some time to get use to the terms(vamp juices, seals, etc) it was nevertheless a good read. Buffy, I've read the latter parts of the last book and the first book entirely, but I must read the entire thing. Teresa? SubRosa, I've read some of the chapters but forgive me for not taking the time to comment on them with proper feedback *hides in shame*.

Grits, don't get me started tongue.gif



Lol, I would have provided you with the glossary of terms if I'd known, lol. Thanks so much DE, I absolutely love seeing your comments and insights into the story, and how much we think alike on so many aspects!



Posted by: ThatSkyrimGuy Jun 30 2013, 04:25 PM

Sunday again...Folger's and fiction...

Teresa of the Faint Smile Chapter 4b-For the Emperor - Teresa is enjoying her taste of the outside world, as a Bosmer should. I like how you revealed that she had spent her entire life within the confines of the city.

Just because she could kill, it did not mean she should. That was a very sobering thought, especially when she wondered how many others might look at her in the future and have to make the same decision. -- I loved this infusion of empathic reasoning, and the way she decided not to kill the goblin, and eventually the wolves as well. Bravo!

And then the recurring dream ends the segment, leaving me wanting more. Great write! salute.gif

Buffy the Bowgirl Chapter 7.1-Vilverin - Buffy is deep within an Ayleid ruin, battling swinging blades and homicidal skeletons. I like how she is not invulnerable to injury, adding a realism to her circumstances.

Both my legs were wet all over, but not with blood. I felt the hot flush of embarrassment spring to my neck and face. -- This was perfect! Adding at once to the realism and vulnerability I just mentioned. Then followed by her outburst toward Acadian. Excellent!

Looking forward to the rest of her adventures in Vilverin. goodjob.gif

Jerric's Story Chapter 3-Welcome to the Imperial City, Part 2 - This was an adventurous segment from beginning to end. All of Jerric's encounters were very enjoyable to read, from the zombie, to lone goblins, and finally the battle in the goblin lair. Great stuff!

He thought it was the best thing he had ever tasted, even with the tang of goblin blood still clinging to his fingers. Now if only he could find some ale. -- Spoken like a true Nord! tongue.gif

Alas, he still has some below ground travel ahead of him...

A New Sun Rises Chapter 6 - Awaiting approval from the author per request. wink.gif

Posted by: ThatSkyrimGuy Jul 7 2013, 02:09 PM

Well it's Sunday again. Unfortunately, it looks like I won't get any reading in this morning. My niece is having her christening today, so RL is taking me out into the rain. I'll get back to the stories ASAP though, I promise.

Posted by: ThatSkyrimGuy Jul 16 2013, 04:15 AM

Sunday morning reading never materialized, so we’re doing a Monday night session instead…

Teresa of the Faint Smile Chapter 4c-For the Emperor – Reading this chapter made me miss playing Oblivion. Teresa has reached Chorrol, the namesake of our wonderful forum. The names Oak and Crosier, Fire and Steel, and Northern Goods and Trade brought back fun memories.

And our wood elf has found new confidence in herself, by way of being treated like a person and changing her looks. Crimson hair and properly fitting new leathers are awakening the Bosmer that had been trapped in a street urchin. Can't wait to see what happens in Weynon Priory...

Buffy the Bowgirl Chapter 7.2-Vilverin – Buffy is still deep within Vilverin when she hits a dilemma. The entire scene where she reasons out her course of action was superb, and sensible. We always assume (as players of the game) that everyone else in a dungeon is a foe. Having Buffy wonder if it really was an enemy is a great touch. Turns out us game players were right anyway, leading to the Necromancer’s demise.

So now she has a bag that will allow her to tote all that a girl needs and then some, and has left the foul confines of the ruin. Where to next?

Jerric’s Story Chapter 3-Welcome to the Imperial City, Part 3 – This was a great rendition of the final part of the tutorial. Jerric took on some vulnerability, first by losing his breakfast after a murderous rage, then nearly dying from a blade wound, and lastly by doubting if he was the right man to take the amulet to Jauffre. I really liked this addition to his boisterous character.

I also enjoyed the subtle details you injected here and there, like not drinking lake water so close to a city, for just one example.

Great write!

A New Sun Rises - Gonna have to get back to you on this one wink.gif

Posted by: Grits Jul 26 2013, 02:47 PM

Thank you, SkyrimGuy! I learned a lot writing the tutorial. It was a relief for me too when Jerric got out into the sun.

Please don’t stress over your reading schedule. This story will be here whenever you get to it, and I appreciate that you’re working through my earliest efforts. embarrased.gif I haven’t posted anything new in, er… far too long, so you’re still catching up to where we are now no matter what your pace. smile.gif

Posted by: minque Sep 9 2013, 11:21 PM

So at last I at least started reading the awesome stories here...T started with Cardonaccum..haven't got that far..but I really like what I'm reading....Hmm thus it's a big shame (William) Wallace had to die, I would have liked him that's for sure

More reading to do!!!!

Posted by: McBadgere Oct 5 2013, 02:37 PM

Hey...*Waves*...

Not entirely sure of how much I'm gonna be here...Really...

It's just...Stuff...

BUT!!!...

I intend to catch up on all yer stories when I can...

I'm sure you'll all be devastated at my lack of comments lately... laugh.gif ...But, as I do love all your stories so much, I'll try to - at least - keep up...Even if I don't always applaud heartily...

I hope you all realise how much of an inspiration everyone's ever-excellence is to those who struggle somewhat... smile.gif ...

Laters...

*Applauds everyone heartily*...

Posted by: Acadian Oct 23 2013, 05:51 PM

I'll be out of town for a few days, but look forward to catching up on what I miss when I get back. biggrin.gif

Posted by: ThatSkyrimGuy Jan 17 2014, 02:53 PM

Hard to believe that there hasn't been a post here since October. ohmy.gif

Before I stepped away in August, there were two stories in particular that had piqued my interest. Cardonaccum and Seven. Five months away has put me far enough behind that posting in their respective threads doesn't seem appropriate. So I'll post here until I am caught up.

Cardonaccum - Chapter 6

As if Cardonaccum didn't have enough problems coming from outside its bailey (General Talos), now we have dissension within as well. Wallace's ashes have barely cooled when Laird and Broc seek to fill the void left by his demise.

I love how this dynamic is going toward character building. You have made it easy to picture the mindset of Laird and Broc through Cora's thoughts and memories. It is good that Cora seems to have the allegiance of Rodric and Robert. It will be fun to see how this power struggle plays out.

Great writing that has me looking forward to more! goodjob.gif

Seven - Chapter 1.7

I really liked this chapter. It gave wonderful insight into Aela's character during her conversation with Seridwe. I loved Aela's reference to humans as herd animals, and the parallel between the way humans act with a herd mentality of banishing those that that are considered inferior. Seridwe's follow up on the difference between men and mer was just as insightful.

A simple conversation between two women that gave great body to the story via character building. Great write! salute.gif

***********

This doesn't take anything away from the other stories I have enjoyed, but Buffy, Teresa, Jerric, Maxical and rest are going to have to take a back seat for a while. wink.gif

Posted by: Cain Nov 8 2016, 03:43 PM

So, can anyone post their stories in this section?

Posted by: mALX Nov 8 2016, 04:01 PM

QUOTE(Cain @ Nov 8 2016, 09:43 AM) *

So, can anyone post their stories in this section?



No, this thread is just for posting comments on other people's stories (like if you want to comment several stories at once or something rather than giving each story a comment).




Posted by: Cain Nov 8 2016, 04:03 PM

QUOTE(mALX @ Nov 8 2016, 10:01 AM) *

QUOTE(Cain @ Nov 8 2016, 09:43 AM) *

So, can anyone post their stories in this section?



No, this thread is just for posting comments on other people's stories (like if you want to comment several stories at once or something rather than giving each story a comment).

Oh no, I meant in the fan fic section in general. smile.gif

Posted by: mALX Nov 8 2016, 04:07 PM

QUOTE(Cain @ Nov 8 2016, 10:03 AM) *

QUOTE(mALX @ Nov 8 2016, 10:01 AM) *

QUOTE(Cain @ Nov 8 2016, 09:43 AM) *

So, can anyone post their stories in this section?



No, this thread is just for posting comments on other people's stories (like if you want to comment several stories at once or something rather than giving each story a comment).

Oh no, I meant in the fan fic section in general. smile.gif



Then YES! laugh.gif



Posted by: Cain Nov 8 2016, 04:09 PM

Cool! I may transfer a story from Haven. smile.gif

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