High School Never Ends, Daria fanfic Options

[SubRosa]

Great, we get to visit the Kevster on his home field. I really don't remember his parents at all from the TV show. I vaguely remember Britney's though.

So, off the cafeteria it is then!

Barry Sanders in the Thompson shrine to football! Detroit Baby!

Yes Kevin, please remember the safety rules in Wood Shop. Oh boy.

The Townsend Acts. Those are the movies that Robert Townsend acted in right?

Oh, who is this? Ope, given the first thing out of his mouth, that has got to be Dad. Great way to introduce yourself.

Sigh, Daria has a Sisyphean task ahead of her.

[Renee]

Yeah, Risky Business is a great movie. A lot of movies from that time period are just classic. I could see Tom Cruise in Kevin's role. I was picturing someone else though, some really lunky looking actor. Like, the sort of person who really looks like he'd only be good at football. But he winds up working at Home Depot or something, because he's good at sports, but not that good. 🏈

Okay, yeah, here is Kevin. He's actually got hair! A lot of hair. I was picturing some guy without much hair. Anyway, Kevin looks more like a quarterback, like he's fast and agile. I was thinking more of a fullback. So yeah, Tom Cruise would work!

I didn't actually watch a ton of MTV. Was a bit of a snob as a teenager and figured it was all stuff for the "normies".

You're talking about MTV in maybe the latter '90s into 2000 though? It was different when it was new.

Okay, so Patricia does not have a Morrowind twin, got it. Oh gosh, so Kevin's dad is a dolt too, and Daria's not looking forward to being around him, if dad is around. Yeah, I can see getting apprehensive. The apple never falls too far from the tree, as the saying goes. 🍎

"Hey, Daria. Thanks for coming by," he said, as enthusiastic as ever.

"Sure. You have the money, right?"

She gets right to the point! .... Okay, so he's only getting an hour, ONE hour. Let's see how far that hour takes him. Can Daria perform a miracle, basically?

She emphasized "dining room" the way she would to a child just learning how to speak.

Oh my gosh!

wow, look at this room. So it's a cafeteria that's supposed to be a dining room but it looks like a sports den. Damn. Altogether, more of a man cave than a place to eat. But there's a mom too, right? Wonder if she's got her own space.

Remodeling / Remedial / Remedialing... You're killing me, Clav!

I can be kind of a brain too, now that I'm usually free on Friday nights.

Damn!!! Holy [censored]!

Anyway, see, this is what I was thinking. She's gonna need a lot of money to make him go from just failing to a C-student.

Yeah, dad is ... interesting. He's definitely the tree. More than that, though, more like he's pushing this kid totally into the sports direction. But what if he doesn't make it in sports? See, not very wise. And he insulted Daria for her looks, alone. I'm thinking he's the D-word, but let's continue further...

Yeah, Daria, that was a great game," Kevin said. "You saw that one, right? That's where I ran up to this guy who was like, twice as big as me—and I'm pretty big—and still knocked him down. You have that one taped, right dad? Daria, do you want to watch it?"

OMG poor Daria! You'd better call 911, WellTemperedClavier, I'm havin' the big one over here!

Yeah, interference! That's a football term! So Daria DOES know football!

This post has been edited by Renee: Feb 29 2024, 04:20 PM

[Acadian]

“Let’s go to the cafeteria.”

‘Sheer scale of this project’ is right!

An interfering counterproductive father doesn’t help.

I think Daria is right that if she’s going to make any progress with Kevin, she needs to get him away from his dad and the Gridiron Temple while trying to teach him. If anyone can move Kevin along though I bet it’s Daria though.

[WellTemperedClavier]

Think I'll update on Friday from now on, since that's a little easier for me schedule-wise.

@SubRosa - Kevin's parents only appear in one episode, "Mall of Darkness". Doug basically seems like a mean, old version of Kevin. Charlene comes off as being at least a little smarter than them (not that that's hard).

I don't follow football all that closely, but my understanding is that the Lions are seen as kind of a hard luck team. Despite this, I think Sanders is considered one of the better players? Sorry, probably showing my ignorance here; I know very little about the game.

Yeah, in all seriousness I wonder how Kevin would have fared in something like wood shop or industrial tech. Seems like an accident waiting to happen.

Heh!

Yup, sisphyean describes it.

@Renee - That's kind of the thing with Kevin. He's a good player, but you have to be like the top 0.1% to get into the pros. I doubt he's that good, which is another example of how badly the school set him up to fail.

Kevin's a good-looking guy (or as good as you can get in that limited art style). So there's been some fan debate about whether or not Kevin would've actually made a good QB. Not because of his build, but because a QB needs to be smart enough to make good decisions on the field, and Kevin isn't smart. Could be that he's just really attuned to the physical world and only stumbles when things get abstract.

Yeah, I think MTV was already moving away from music videos in the mid '90s. That's when it started showing cartoons and other types of shows.

Good point about the mom. Charlene doesn't appear in this story, however (and this chapter was Doug's sole appearance). And Kevin may not be the brightest, but unlike his dad, he's at smart enough to realize the wisdom of having a backup plan.

@Acadian - Yup, a lot of this is just going to be figuring out what kind of teaching works for Kevin. Getting him away from distraction is the first step.

Chapter 6

"Hey, do you guys still have the Pigskin Channel?" Kevin asked as he walked past the grandiose TV in the Morgendorffer living room.

I've made a huge mistake.

"Remember how we watched it that one time when Ms. Barch had us making that maze?" he continued.

"Actually, you watched TV while I built the maze." The memory triggered a brief but involuntary scowl.

"Right! That was fun."

Daria turned to face Kevin.

"Are you serious about this? So far, all you've done is talk about football. You're already good at football. You're paying me money to become at least passable in other subjects."

"Sure! I haven't forgotten. I'm all business from here on out!"

Kevin gave what she guessed was his game face and she went ahead to the kitchen, figuring that the dining table made a serviceable study area.

"So you don't have the Pigskin Channel anymore?" he asked.

Daria slammed her fist down on the table with more force than she'd planned, the loud smack echoing through the house.

"You know what? We do. Just give me the $20 and you can watch it for an hour. Maybe that's better for both of us."

"But what about the—oh, right. I can't watch. Sorry. Um, just tell me when I get off-track again. Coach used to shout at me," he offered.

"I'm not really much of a shouter."

"You could hit the table again!"

"I'm not sure the table can take much more of that."

Kevin sat down and smiled like a puppy expecting a treat. Daria again glanced at the clock.

"Okay, tutoring officially begins now. What exactly does Mr. DeMartino expect you to know? Does he just want a list of battles?"

"Um, I think that's on there. Yeah, battles. And something about stories."

"Tories?"

"I'm pretty sure he said stories."

"If it's the American Revolution he probably meant Tories. The Tories were American colonists who wanted to remain loyal to the king. There were several reasons for this: some thought it was their duty to stay loyal, some benefitted from the king's rule, and some just didn't want to rock the boat."

Kevin's smile faded, and his eyes roved around the kitchen as if he hoped to find a refrigerator magnet with the answer. His face scrunched up and he turned in his seat to look back at the living room and its television set.

"You know, Daria, sometimes it helps me think if I—wait, no. No football right now. Just history."

"Yeah." She took a deep breath, trying to hold back from saying something really cruel.

Kevin doesn't need another year of high school, he needs another year of elementary!

Beads of sweat started collecting on his forehead, his expression going from nervous to sheer panic as he stole another backwards glance. Kevin's right hand clutched at the air as if trying to grab a nonexistent football.

This is pathetic. I'm basically cheating him.

"Are you having some trouble concentrating?" she asked.

"I think so. It's just all this stuff, you know, is so boring! Like, unless you're a brain!" he added quickly, holding up his hands as if to mollify her. "I mean, who else cares what happened a thousand years ago?"

"You should care, unless you want to spend another year in high school."

"Yeah. What was the question again? I forgot."

Daria covered her face with her right palm, hoping he didn't see her gritting her teeth.

Not like he ever knows when someone's tired of his stupidity. I should just tell him the deal's off—no tutoring, no money. Just wait here until the summer session where I can go and waste more of my finite time on this Earth with the idiots at Raft.

"How about this. If studying down here is too distracting, we can go up to my sister's room. I'm sure you'll find that the pink walls, Lisa Frank merchandise, and posters of shirtless teen heartthrobs will help you focus."

A bone-deep shudder worked its way through Kevin. "That's okay! I'll try to study here, I promise. Study, Kevin, study!"

"Good. Now, I'll outline the history of the American Revolution…"

[Acadian]

Wow, Daria really does have her work cut out for her. Kevin’s lack of brightness is quite aggravated by his tiny attention span. I don’t know if Daria will figure out what it might take to teach him something – or if that is even possible. It’s kinda funny but also makes you feel sorry for the lad as well.

[SubRosa]

That is right. Kevin did watch TV while Daria built the maze.

Oh boy. No football, just Tories.

Well, we can only hope that the threat of the girly-girlness on pink steroids that lies in wait in Quinn's room is enough to get Kevin to focus on the revolting Americans. I mean the American revolution...

Edit: I forgot to mention. The Lions have a historically bad football team. They have never been in a Superbowl, let alone won one. I think the last time they had a championship team was in the '50s. They have a habit of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. I was stunned to learn that this year they not only made the playoffs, but got to the final round, just before the Superbowl. As far as I know, they have literally never done that. The last time they were in the playoffs was back in the 90s, and they only got about two games in before being eliminated.

Barry Sanders was a running back after that period, when they never even made the playoffs. The team was absolutely awful. But he was absolutely amazing. He's one of the best running backs to ever play. Here is an example. I felt sorry for him, because he deserved so much better than being stuck on the Lions.

[Renee]

Interesting that there's 'fan debate' about what position Kevin would play. To me he looks rather slim, and therefore agile. I think Kevin could be 'smart' about sports in the same way city-dwellers sometimes have what is called street smarts. He'll never get anywhere near the stage for a Quiz Bowl match, but he's smart in the sense that he's got that instinct for good sportsmanship. As you've noted, as well.

Lol I'm already laughing! Kevin's already looking at their TV. It's like he's completely forgotten why he's here.

Wow, Daria loses her temper. Indeed, the footballer only knows discipline when someone's yelling at him. I bet his dad has done plenty of that as well.

Kevin's smile faded, and his eyes roved around the kitchen as if he hoped to find a refrigerator magnet with the answer.

Ah geez! I know this is just a fictional story, but I actually feel bad for the guy! And for Daria as well, in a way. Like, she probably has other things she'd rather be doing, pretty much any other activity. She is on Spring Break after all, right?

Lisa Frank! That's the name of the gal I knew in college. Off-topic, but I became friends with a witch (she studied witchcraft) but only toward the end of one of our semesters. 🧙‍♀️ She claimed she put a curse on some bullies in high school, and all 3 of them came down with mono. Next semester, she did not return to campus (college, that is). I never saw Lisa Frank again.

I love the end. "Study Kevin, study!" Like he's goading himself as though he's in a team huddle.

This post has been edited by Renee: Mar 4 2024, 07:27 PM

[WellTemperedClavier]

@Acadian - It's sadly not surprising that the school wouldn't bother helping Kevin. He doesn't fit the mold, and they're stretched too thin to devote much attention to students in his situation.

@SubRosa - Yup, that's the episode. "The Lab Brat".

I knew a guy who was a Lions fan, and he always said that this made him accustomed to disappointment. This was at the same job where one of my clients was a Michigan-based business, which is how I learned a little bit about your state (like the thing about pointing at your hand to show which part of Michigan you're from, unless you're from the UP). At least I think that's how it went...

Why did Sanders get stuck with the Lions?

@Renee - Yeah, I figured Kevin had kind of an intuitive understanding about athletic stuff. Like he just gets it.

There's definitely some pathos to be wrung here. Neither Daria nor Kevin is in a great position. Though Daria's not on spring break. She's home for the whole semester. A later chapter will show more as to why.

This Lisa sounds like quite a character. Hope she's doing well. Sorry if I'm saying something you already know, but the Lisa Frank the story's referring to is a company that made a lot of flamboyantly designed folders and school supplies. They were everywhere when I was a kid (though I don't think I saw as much of them past middle school).

Chapter 7

Kevin left the Morgendorffer house a few hours later, his recently accumulated knowledge probably dribbling out of his ears. Daria threw herself on the couch, exhausted and wanting very badly to kick somebody. Getting through to him was like digging through solid rock. At least she had $40 to show for it. 

She had to admit that he'd at least made an attempt. He stopped asking about the Pigskin Channel and only mentioned football a few more times after her threat. His efforts still came to nothing. Kevin evinced no recollection, understanding, or even basic awareness.

Still, $20 an hour made just about anything tolerable.

All I can do is present the material. If he doesn't take to it? Too bad. God, we haven't even started on math yet. That's going to be excruciating. 

She zoned out on the couch, not even needing the assistance of television. Sunlight made its slow retreat to dusk and then turned to night. The day's annoyances faded away as she let her mind go from one vague memory to another, all the more welcome for their distance from her present state. 

The sound of keys at the front door pulled Daria back to wakefulness. She grunted when the lights switched on, flinching at the brightness.

"Daria?" 

"Hey, Quinn," she mumbled, blinking.

"Are you okay?" 

"Why wouldn't I be? Yeah, I'm fine."

"You don't need to get all defensive on me! I was just expressing some sisterly concern," Quinn said, with mock indignation.

"Yeah, thanks." 

"How did the tutoring go?"

"I kept from throttling him. Barely," Daria admitted.

"You are such an angry person, Daria! Maybe you shouldn't tutor anyone else."

"Hey, I'll tutor anyone for the right amount of cash." Her stomach twisted at the words.

"If you really hate it that much, you should probably do something else."

"If that something else consists of vegetating in a dark room, I'm in."

Inactivity proved the theme of the weekend. Daria fled to the library on Saturday, rereading all of The Last Unicorn and parts of Tess of the d'Urbervilles. She stayed until closing, at which point she escaped to Barnes & Noble where she waited out the rest of the evening. 

Sunday proved trickier. She dodged her mother's urging to get some kind of a job and reached the nearby park where she planted herself on a bench with The Decameron. She alternately read and dozed until the light grew too dim and she trudged back home.

On Monday, she realized that she needed to change tactics. As a young girl she could burn through entire months in near-total solitude but such behavior no longer sufficed. However much she distracted herself she knew that Raft still waited, hungry for three more years of her life.

Daria typed up an advertisement, quick and to the point, and walked over to the high school. She arrived fifteen minutes after the end of 6th period. Crowds of students milled about the campus, engaged in gossip, flirtation, mockery and all the other honored methods of wasting time. Though she didn't recognize most of the faces they still fell into the same patterns. The sheer volume of familiar sensations made the past few years come to life all around her.

She shook her head. Finding the bulletin board in the main hall, she grabbed a spare thumbtack and pinned her ad in the corner. Daria took a step back and saw how forlorn it looked, her simple black print on white paper competing against flyers splashed with odd fonts and eye-searing colors. She relocated it closer to the center after a bit of thought. Quinn's word of mouth would probably be more helpful, but this at least represented a start.

Doubt began its immediate assault on her short-lived optimism. She really didn't like dealing with high school kids, or teaching those unwilling to learn.

"Daria Morgendorffer?" 

She yelped at the sound of her name and spun around to find herself staring up at the cadaverous visage of Mr. Anthony DeMartino, his right eye already quivering in its socket.

"It IS you! But what the HELL are you DOING back here? ESPECIALLY after making a CLEAN escape."

"Hi, Mr. DeMartino. There was some, uh, family trouble and I had to withdraw from Raft for a semester."

His face softened (or at least made the attempt). 

"I AM sorry to hear that. Are your parents in good health? Quinn never mentioned anything."

"It was extended family. They're getting better. How about you?"

"I'm still damned to teach the ENTITLED IMBECILES that infest this SCHOOL! A fate WORTHY of Dante, wouldn't you say?" 

"Hmm, in spite of Ms. Li's best efforts I'd say that Lawndale's constant tangle of chaos makes it more akin to Milton's Pandemonium. The Inferno was a bit too specific and well-ordered to be Lawndale High." 

"HA! That's why I actually LIKED teaching you. Your SISTER is doing QUITE WELL, by the way. INTELLIGENCE runs in your family."

"She can be pretty smart when she wants to be. I understand you're still teaching Kevin."

He let out a strangled cry, slamming his head against the bulletin board with enough force to worry Daria.

"I thought myself FREE of him, but he CONTINUES to TORTURE ME! I've tried EVERYTHING to reach him, Daria. It's a lost cause. MAYBE if he'd gotten help earlier, but they KEPT PASSING HIM!" 

"He hired me as his tutor last week."

"TUTOR? Why would you DO that to yourself?"

"Because he's paying me $20 an hour. Any tips?" 

"It's HOPELESS! I keep GIVING him the MATERIALS and HE keeps IGNORING them! Good luck. YOU'RE going to NEED it!"

A bit taken aback by her old teacher's fury, Daria again considered her plan. Most students wouldn't be as tough to reach. As for Kevin, all she could really do was try, even if that amounted to tilting at windmills.

The problem is that nothing outside of his immediate world means anything to him. No matter how much someone tells him about a subject, it still ends up being too abstract. Unless I want to end up tearing my hair out in frustration, I'm going to have to reach him in some way.

Daria made her way back home, and pondered the issue late into the night.

This post has been edited by WellTemperedClavier: Mar 15 2024, 05:06 PM

[Renee]

Okay, I see. She's home for the whole semester. That makes more sense; this way she's got more time to get this Kevin debacle at least partially solved. Speaking of...

Yes I remember Lisa Frank merchandise. Probably had a LF book binder or some stationary back in High School myself. That is why meeting somebody named Lisa Frank (who was quite an interesting student, as described...) in real-life struck me during 2nd year of college! -

Cool. This chapter's longer than the others so far.

She zoned out on the couch, not even needing the assistance of television. Sunlight made its slow retreat to dusk and then turned to night. The day's annoyances faded away as she let her mind go from one vague memory to another, all the more welcome for their distance from her present state.

I love this this part. Also, The conversation between the sisters is like some of those between myself & my real-life sister. We'd just snap at each other sometimes, even just seeing each other was enough to make us annoyed sometimes.

Am realizing just now that the Daria of Morrowind found herself in the same predicament as the HCNE version. In both stories, she's getting goaded into getting a job. Well hey, at least the High School Never Ends version isn't going to need risking her life, delving into some underground ruins populated by operational automatons. 🤖

Ah, very nice. She's advertizing her services. Yeah, because maybe she might find someone who isn't as rock-bottom as Kevin, who can be successfully tutored for less effort. . Word of mouth will spread, if so.

It's Demartino! Oh my gosh! ""I'm still damned to teach the ENTITLED IMBECILES that infest this SCHOOL..." Ha ha ha!!!

This post has been edited by Renee: Mar 8 2024, 11:27 PM

[Acadian]

Despite trying to appease herself with the mantra of ‘$20/hour’, Daria really is wrestling with how to actually teach Kevin – good for her and hopefully she figures out how to successfully tilt at this windmill.

Good to see DeMartino, even though he wasn’t of any help regarding Kevin.

It will be interesting to see how much interest the tutoring ad draws.

[SubRosa]

The NFL Draft is what got Sanders stuck with the Lions. The way it works is that when players leave college and go to the NFL, they are all entered into the draft. The team with the worst record gets the first pick, and so on. The idea is to help even things out over time, so bad teams can get good players and they aren't bad forever. The Lions got Sanders in the draft because they are awful and had an early pick.

I am not sure about after his first contract was up. He probably could have left then. Maybe the Lions just made him a good offer to stay. I do know Sanders quit when he was relatively young, and it surprised everyone. So it seems that perhaps football was not his entire life, and maybe being super famous was never his goal? Or maybe he just wanted to get out while he was still healthy and could enjoy the money he made? I don't know.

I always hated math. It's just, so damn boring. But I was decent at it, so I could explain most of it to my classmates when they had trouble.

Oops, I am thinking you got your italics tags wrong for [/i]The Decameron

It's Mr. DeMARTINo! He was always one of my favorite characters on the show.

Maybe Daria needs to dress up her lessons in football terms? Sort of like how Mr. Hand eventually got through to Kevin Spicolli at the end of Fast Times At Ridgemont High?

[WellTemperedClavier]

Another flashback to college chapter today.

@Renee - Thanks! I was an only child, so I'm never sure how good a job I do when it comes to sibling relationships. Glad I pulled this off.

Heh, yes, I have a feeling that Morrowind!Daria would roll her eyes a bit at the Earth version. Earth!Daria doesn't have to worry about nix hounds or Telvanni agents. What's she so worked up about?

Yup, DeMartino never changes.

@Acadian - Yeah, money's not truly the motive here, though I'm not sure Daria completely realizes that.

@SubRosa - Got it. Interesting way to try and maintain team balance. I know being a professional athlete can take a tremendous toll on the body. If that's why Sanders decided to get out early, I don't blame him in the slightest.

Math was never my subject favorite subject either, and I wasn't even especially good at it. I can empathize with Kevin in this case.

Good catch with the italics, thanks!

That's not quite what Daria ends up doing, but you're not far off either. More will be revealed.

Chapter 8

Earlier…

Not having any classes on Tuesday freed Daria to sequester herself in her dorm, wrapped in blankets and with the heater turned to full blast against the Boston winter. She drifted to a waking state over the course of hours before getting out of bed a bit past noon, throwing on a coat and taking a seat at her computer. She spent the day cycling through routine websites and half-reading the their contents.

I should probably get something to eat.

She instead satisfied herself with a few handfuls of stale crackers kept in her desk. Daria lay back down after turning off her computer, and again wondered why she felt so weary despite having done nothing. Two lectures and a discussion course waited for her the next day, but she'd finished all the prep work over the weekend. Only waiting remained.

Patricia returned at half past four clad in bright winter wear, the thick jackets and scarves arranged in absolute precision.

"Wow, it is cold outside!"

"Which is why I'm inside," Daria replied.

"You didn't know it snowed last night?"

"We've had snow for a while now."

"Yeah, but we got new snowfall last night. It's fresh, so enjoy before it gets all slushy."

Daria didn't respond. Patricia took off her jacket and turned on her computer. Daria shifted on her bed so that she faced the wall, wanting to sleep but finally realizing she actually felt pretty hungry.

If I go get dinner now I won't have to deal with as many idiots down in the commissary.

She lay there for a while longer.

"Hey, Daria, I'm going out for some pizza. You should come too," Patricia said.

"Why?"

"I'd like to get to know the girl who's been writing my essays a bit better."

"Personally, I think cash speaks louder than words." Spending time with Patricia amounted to torture.

"It'll just take an hour of your time." Patricia's voice took on a familiar no-nonsense tone that denied even the possibility of argument.

"Fine, but don't think this makes us friends."

"The thought never crossed my mind."

Throwing on her heaviest coat and covering her disheveled hair in a thick flannel cap, Daria prepared to brave the wintry Boston wilds. She gasped when the full force of the cold hit her upon stepping outside. Patricia led the way, her movements light and swift.

Drifts of snow covered the campus, the mounds still bright against the darkening sky. The city lit up around them, even Tuesday night bringing out carousers and nighttime shoppers. They finally stopped at a faux-dingy pizzeria, Reynaldo's Italian in red letters against the yellow canvas awning.

Eight round glass-topped tables competed for space in the brick-floored parlor, most already occupied by students who watched the basketball game shown on the large television glaring down from an upper corner. The two of them ordered at the counter and took seats at the nearest table.

"Now that the first semester's almost done, what do you think of Raft?" Patricia asked.

"It beats high school."

"Tell me about it! It's kind of scary though, huh. Like, we're adults now."

"And like an adult, you find people to do your dirty work for you."

Patricia's eyes narrowed for just a moment before her face returned to its normal state of cheerful calm.

"Why do you get so mad about this?" she asked.

"I'm not mad. I took your money, didn't I? What annoys me is you trying to be my friend all of a sudden."

"You looked kind of lonesome. Meeting new people is a big part of college, you know? Making friends is how you get jobs that don't suck once you graduate." Patricia sounded as certain of herself as ever.

"Nice to know you'll be part of the old boys' club." Daria wanted her words to sting. Patricia stayed calm.

"Come on, work with me. You're obviously really smart. That's why I wanted to get help from you. We're not hurting anybody—these are just stupid assignments. Didn't you ever do homework for a friend during high school?"

"No." Quinn's family, not a friend. And I didn't even like those Middleton students.

"It's not like anyone will care about how well we did in our classes in a few years. No one's life depends on me knowing about classes I only take for breadth."

"What the hell's your point, Patricia?"

"Just that, maybe, you could be getting more from college than you are. You've really helped me this semester, and I want to return the favor. I can help you meet people, maybe even get a boyfriend. You just seem really sad all the time."

"If I'm sad it's because I have to share class with dimwits and cheaters."

"You have to make the most of it. You can spend four years at a school you hate and graduate with a lot of smarts and nothing to show for it, or you have fun and graduate with a lot of opportunities. People cheat, in school and in the real world. The professors don't care. You obviously don't care."

"You're right. I don't care." Daria stood up and stared straight at Patricia. "And I don't like you. The reason I do your homework for you is because the more time you spend drinking yourself stupid at keggers is less time you spend with me. The money's just a bonus."

Patricia was silent for a moment, her face not betraying any emotion. Finally she shrugged.

"That's okay if you don't want to write my papers. I'm not going to get mad. I know some other people who can do it for me."

"Then go bother them."

Daria's initial seething joy curdled into disappointment as she stalked out of the restaurant. Telling off a roommate would probably have repercussions, but it didn't really matter. On the rare occasions that Patricia returned to the dorm from networking, Daria could just pretend to be asleep.

Burying herself beneath the blankets came as a welcome thought on such a cold winter night as she began walking to what passed for a home.

[Acadian]

Wow, Daria is really prickly in this episode – even moreso than normal. We know that snark and negativism are a part of her makeup but here, she seems to be going out of her way in weaponizing her wit to insult her roomie who is sort of trying to be her friend. That, combined with what seems to be more physical lethargy than normal for Daria, makes me wonder what is going on with her.

[SubRosa]

So record scratch, and fade to sepia tone, as today's episode takes place before the main story.

Ah winter in Boston. Reminds me of so many episodes of the old Spenser For Hire TV show with Robert Urich and Avery Brooks.

Coincidentally enough, also where Blood Raven moved to and reinvented herself as Corvus. So Daria ought to keep her eyes peeled for corvid-themed superheroes. Especially if she spends any time in the North End.

Patricia seems nice.

Acadian is right, Daria seems downright grouchy. I know being the snarky, edgy teen is her shtick, but she's going a little overboard with the misanthropy. Which is saying a lot from a misanthrope like myself.

I am wondering if this is an external reaction to perhaps internal feelings of angst and insecurity? As Patricia so eloquently put it, they are adults now. They have to enter the real world. There is no going back to the comfort of just hanging out in her room with Jane and watching Sick Sad World forever. That is a daunting prospect.

[Renee]

Morrowind!Daria would say "Hey, at least you don't have to fall back on half-remembered sword lessons taught by your father, as you find yourself trekking miles away from home, attacked by nix hounds and kagouti!" Morrowind!Daria would say: "At least if you meet somebody cute or interesting, you can just go on a stupid date. You don't have to say goodbye to him as he flies away on his gigantic beetle." Morrowind!Daria would say: "At least if you want to take a shower you can do exactly that. Take a shower. You don't have to share bathwater with your family, and then get all covered in ash after the bath's over if the volcano decides to start spewing..."

Aw, she's eating stale crackers.

Patricia. That's her roomie, right? See, there's also a Patricia in Stormcrow! Patricia Fine, that is.

So 'first semester's almost done'. Which means Daria really has NO rapport with her roomie at all! This sounds like the first time they've hung out all semester!

You looked kind of lonesome

Aw. Patty's trying, at least. Wow, look at this. At first I was with Daria: like, what is Patty's game, here? What is she trying to get from Daria? But it does indeed seem as though she's being earnest. C'mon, lighten up Daria!

What a depressing episode!

This post has been edited by Renee: Mar 19 2024, 12:34 AM

[WellTemperedClavier]

@Acadian - Daria is rather prickly in general. It's an effective technique for keeping people at arm's length... but sometimes keeping them at arm's length isn't the wisest course of action.

@SubRosa - Yeah, a lot of this is her reacting (badly) to change. Watching Daria, I always got the impression that for all her complaints, she was pretty comfortable where she was. Her family was supporting (if sometimes annoying, as even the best families can be) and she had a friend. Only one friend, but that's all she really needed.

College is a big change. A lot of Daria fanfic has her coming into her own in college, but I wanted to do something different; she's as much of a misfit as she was in high school, and is even more isolated. Granted, a lot of this isolation is self-inflicted.

@Renee - Heh, I think late 3rd Era Tamriel makes most people grow up a lot faster than does upper middle-class '90s suburbia. Part of what made it fun to write.

This Patricia's not the greatest person, but she's nowhere near as bad as Patricia Fine. So she has that going for her.

And yeah, Patricia was trying. Her attitude's actually quite cynical, but she does bring up some fair points. Daria's behavior isn't doing her any favors and the stakes are getting higher.

Chapter 9

The advertisement combined with Quinn's efforts eventually netted Daria a grand total of two new clients: Joey (whom she remembered) and Sebastian (whom she did not).

"Are you sure Joey's actually interested in learning? Or is he just doing this since he thinks it'll earn him a date with you?" Daria asked. Boredom led her to try and get under Quinn's skin, the way she used to.

"For your information, Daria, Joey's been happily dating Emma for three months now. A lot has changed since you left."

Kevin remained the focus of her efforts. When working on lesson plans she tried to clear her mind of his breezy stupidity and indifference, the unearned esteem he'd enjoyed all through high school. After all, he was more than paying the price.

Instead, she viewed him as a puzzle to be solved. At no point did high school or even college pose much in the way of intellectual challenge to Daria. Kevin's thickness gave her the chance to prove she could think her way through just about anything. Where the teachers of Lawndale High had failed (an admittedly low bar) she would succeed.

The first few lessons established that Kevin only understood the real and the concrete. Abstraction meant nothing to him. With history, she'd have to use examples from his own life.

She thought of this as she guided him to the dining room table one drizzly Friday afternoon toward the end of April.

"Um, so Daria, I have tests next week. Do you think I'm ready for them?"

She sat down before answering. "I suppose that depends on the tests. You're still having trouble grasping the basics."

"Which ones are the basics again?"

"For math, that would be division and multiplication. For history, the facts about the American Revolution. Maybe we should meet twice a week and devote a day to each subject." She spoke the last sentence without even intending to, eyes momentarily widening at the thought of enduring more time with him.

It's more money.

"Yeah, I guess that works," he said.

"Let's start with the history. Do you know exactly what's going to be on this test?"

He looked unsure. "I think it's about why the revolution happened."

"You think?"

"I'm pretty sure. It's one of those tests where you have to write a thing? Like, two pages?" His face scrunched up as he searched for the right term.

"Right, an essay test. Okay, so think back to your own life," she said.

"Sure!"

"What was a time where your parents wouldn't let you do something that you wanted to do? Something that you thought you'd earned the right to do?"

"Hmm. You know, I don't think that's ever happened to me, Daria. I was a pretty good kid, growing up," he said, a note of satisfaction in his tone.

"Sure. What about Coach Gibson? He must have been pretty tough on you guys."

"Oh yeah, Gibson could really be hard! Let's see—oh, the 2000 game against Renson High! You remember the one, I got three touchdowns!"

"It's etched into my memory." And he probably believes that.

"Wasn't that cool? Yeah, so anyway I was feeling pretty good about myself. Britt was feeling pretty good about me too, if you know what I mean," he chuckled. "I wanted to take the guys partying, but Gibson said we couldn't party until the season was over! I was like, come on, we did a great job! We earned a break. We were the ones out on the field—coach doesn't get to decide everything for us!"

"What happened?"

"Party at my place! Coach got mad when he found out, but there wasn't anything he could do about it," Kevin boasted.

"The American Revolution was a bit like that. In a way."

"Wait, so the Americans also beat Renson at football? That's really cool!"

"Not quite like that. You knew that you and your team had done a great job. You worked hard, played hard, and won the game. But after all this, your coach just keeps riding you to do more, even though you're already the best team in the area.

"The early American colonists were in a similar situation. They worked hard, paid their taxes, and when the king needed them to help fight in wars, they did their part. Do you remember studying the French and Indian War?" she asked.

"No."

"You probably don't need to know much about it—"

"Whew!"

"—other than that it was a war between Britain and France. The American colonies saw a lot of fighting, and the colonists held their own. They figured that they deserved to be respected for their efforts. Instead, Britain kept making them pay higher taxes. The Americans didn't think it was fair for them to be taxed without getting some say."

Kevin scratched his head, clearly mulling over her words. "Wait, I'm still a little confused. This was about football?"

"No. How did you feel when Coach Gibson said you couldn't party?"

"Mad!"

"Right. That's how the Americans felt. They'd done their job, and they wanted to make sure that they got the respect they deserved. Instead, Parliament—well, Britain—kept making them pay taxes. The Americans didn't have any way to get them to lower or stop those taxes. Here, I'll write this out for you."

She took a piece of paper and wrote down the parallels between the American Revolution and Kevin's frustration. Part of her cringed at such trivialization and oversimplification, but saw no other way around it.

Is Like

Lawndale Team - The American Colonies

Coach Gibson - Great Britain

The 2000 Renson Game - The French and Indian War

No Parties - Unfair Taxes

Partying Anyway - Revolution!

She pushed it over to his side of the table. He examined it for a little while. Daria studied his face, looking for any spark of comprehension.

"Okay, I think I get it. Americans wanted to party, and the British wouldn't let them!" he said.

Would bringing up the Boston Tea Party at this stage help him, or confuse him?

"It was more about taxes than partying."

"Hey, the Revolution was when George Washington was in charge, right?"

"He was the military leader of the colonists."

"And I was the QB! So if the Lawndale Lions were like the Americans, that means I was like George Washington!"

"Yes," she said, after a brief silence. "Just like George Washington."

[Acadian]

Bless her heart but Daria is really trying to help Kevin. She justifies it as a challenge and financially rewarding but I think much of that is just what she tells herself. That said, approaching it as a puzzle or challenge is wise and she seems to be making a bit of progress. Not much, but a bit.

I shudder to think of the essay Kevin might write if turned loose at this point – ‘George Washington was quarterback for the Americans. . . .’ Perhaps twice a week is a good idea.

[SubRosa]

Oh, its Joey from the three musketeers. For the life of me I cannot remember which one that actually was. The all kind of blur together for me. Which is probably how Quinn feels too.

Joey is dating someone else? Good for him!

Ok, so Daria is focusing herself on solving the problem that is Kevin. Well, buckle in, I bet this will be some ride!

Daria breaks Kevin's attempted tackle with his parents not denying him things, by spinning off and breaking free into the secondary with the coach being strict. Barry Sanders would have been proud!

That's right Daria, it was not Parliament never taxed anyone. They already had the funk.

Kevin is George Washington!

Honestly, this is going really well. Better than I would have expected. All jokes aside, Daria definitely used the right strategy here.

[Renee]

Time to return to high school. For some folks it never ends. Two new clients. Wonder if either of them have more smarts than Kevin. I mean... they gotta! I can't imagine someone could be any dumber than that jock.

Hmm, Joey wants to go on a date ... with Quinn? So this is like that guy in Outlanders who kept following Morrowind!Quinn around. Actually there were more than one guy, but the ONE guy (Jeval?) really kept after her all through the episodes.

Sheesh! I'm gonna try not to laugh like normally. No emoticons this week. Well, no laughing emoticons. That is rather interesting; high school and even college are not challenges enough for Daria. Let's see if she can make Kevin get anywhere with this test. I like that she's using examples from real-life to help the guy.

Lol I love how he thinks DARIA knows EVERY touchdown or completion or whatever! "You remember that 2000 game against Polk High???" Yeah, we all remember that game, Kev.

It's not even vanity though, right? He's not thinking that HE is so great, it seems, and he's bragging about himself. More like, he's fascinated by the experience of his successes. He is actually reliving them, and trying to share his reminiscences with his tutor. Well, he thinks she also remembers them.

" "I wanted to take the guys partying, but Gibson said we couldn't party until the season was over! I was like, come on, we did a great job! ...." Omg I'm crying over here, laughing so hard! ------- Wow, and so Daria's goal is to (somehow) relate this silly experience of Kev's party with the American Revolution.

Which.... let me guess... the Colonists were the ones having the "Party" because they were so far away from Britain?

Cool. Wow, look at this. Look at the breakdown Daria comes up with. Cool, I wonder if this'll help. I have a feeling Kevin's essay is going to reference parties and coaches and him being George Washington! He'll get maybe a D. Still, that's better than an F!

Parliament also reminded me of P. Funk (Flashlight!) Saw them in Portland Oregon at the Crystal Ballroom in '98 or '99, one of the BEST shows! AT one point there was like 20 people onstage. George Clinton wasn't there (I think he split from them) but it didn't matter. That wasn't just a show, it was a party!

This post has been edited by Renee: Mar 24 2024, 04:31 PM

[WellTemperedClavier]

@Acadian - Daria's cynicism means she's not always willing to admit she's doing something good just for its own sake. But yeah, the stuff about money is only a cover. She genuinely cares about Kevin doing better.

@SubRosa - Yeah, I have trouble keeping track of them as well. The only one I can consistently remember is Jamie (the blond one), and that's mostly because he has a distinct voice. Which is why I had his Morrowind equivalent, Jeval, actually do something different.

Heh, classic reference.

Daria definitely put some thought into this.

@Renee - Joey is either Jonus or Julien. I forget exactly which, because those two were basically interchangeable (just like Joey and Jeffy).

You're right; it's not vanity on Kevin's part, just enthusiasm. He assumes that because he had so much fun, everyone else was having a lot of fun too.

And you bring up a good point about the risk with this strategy. Kevin might get mixed up as to the subject of the essay.

Chapter 10

Though she'd only seen it once before, Daria immediately recognized the battered Toyota Camry as it huffed and wheezed next to the curb outside of her house late on the first Friday of May. She turned from the window and walked downstairs, an uncharacteristic quickness in her step.

Opening the front door she saw Jane already stepping out of the car, her narrow shoulders drooping under the weight of overstuffed canvas bags.

"Hey. Do you need some help?" Some part of her wanted to run towards Jane, the mere sight of her a relief after the long months.

"Wow, you're going out to greet your guests now? What did they do to you in that college?"

"Mostly they taught me stuff I already knew. They charge more for the trouble though, so you know it's worth it," Daria said as she took one of the bags.

"Thanks for letting me stay here," Jane said. "I don't know if Casa Lane is still habitable or not. I should probably check on that tomorrow. God knows Trent never will."

"I'll be sure to bring all the appropriate spelunking gear."

Months of frustration evaporated the moment Jane stepped inside the door, her presence dispelling all the dreads of Raft University, the world again light and familiar with no obstacles worse than idiot teachers or irritating younger sisters.

"It's like I never left!" Jane said as she surveying the living room. No witty response came to Daria's mind, still surprised at her own relief.

"Hey, Jane! Is that you?" Jake stepped out of the garage, a big smile on his face. "Good to see you again! You showing all those artistes up in Boston how it's really done?"

"I am when I'm not serving them café lattes. Being a barista helps pay the tuition bills."

"That shows some real spirit there, Jane-o! You came back just in time for some spaghetti al la carbonara! That was your favorite, right?"

"Mr. Morgendorffer, I'll be happy to have anything that wasn't thawed in the microwave."

After dinner (not one of Jake's better-fated culinary experiments) the whole night stretched before them, the two falling back into the old routines that had served them so well all through adolescence. Talking to Jane always carried a unique quality, a private and insular experience with someone who understood most every reference Daria might make and return it in kind, each word unlocking another layer of shared knowledge. Between conversation, Scrabble games, and watching Sick, Sad World the hours wore on into the early morning when they at last went to sleep.

Waking late, they ate quick breakfasts and made the trek to Jane's old house. As she followed the familiar route, each step taken a hundred times before, Daria thought back to all the time she used to spend in her one real shelter.

A shelter you almost destroyed—no, don't think about that. Aside from that one summer you were always friends.

"How's Trent?"

"He's with some new band called the Gloombugs or something. Don't ask me where he got the idea for the name—he said it was 'like glowbugs, but reversed'. He seems to be having fun."

The actual state of Jane's old house showed how much damage a few months of neglect could inflict on a structure already stretched to its limit. A tangled carpet of weeds covered the lawn and scraggly moss grew in patches on Amanda's abstract metal sculpture.

"Looks about right," Jane sighed. "Probably not much point in going inside, but since I'm here..."

Jane strode up to the front, fiddling a bit with the keys before opening the door. Daria's jaw dropped upon seeing the interior, where mold and wildflowers burst from the tattered wallpaper to spill out onto the carpet. Broken-down furniture too heavy to easily move or steal sagged under nature's assault. An awful mildew smell choked the air.

"Oh my God," Daria uttered.

"Yeah, can't say I'm surprised." Resignation tinged Jane's voice

"What about your art?"

"Don't worry, I took most of my work with me."

"Most of?"

"Trent brought some down to D.C. with him. Come on, I don't think we need to see the rest of the house," Jane said.

"Maybe the other rooms are in better condition."

"Even if they are, the place is a wreck."

"Well, if you need help getting it back into shape, I'll be in town for a while longer," Daria offered. "It can't be any tougher than teaching Kevin."

Jane gave Daria a quizzical look. "Get the place back into shape? Daria, this house is well past that point."

"Aren't your parents going to at least make an attempt?"

"Who knows? Mom's still teaching at a hippie commune out west, and I'm not even sure where dad is right now. I just hope they get me that stipend they promised. Besides, I have my own loft, which you still haven't seen! It's cramped, dreary, shared with weirdoes, and in a sketchy neighborhood. What else could an artist want?"

"Another house never hurts."

"That's for when I sell out and become famous. Right now I'm still in the starving artist stage. Come on, let's get out of here. You know, once you get back up to Boston you need to actually visit my place. You'd love it, it's like something out of a Poe story."

Daria stood in the darkness for a few more moments longer as Jane made her exit. At last, with slow steps, she followed her friend outside.