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> Aftermath, When one crises ends, another shall rise
King Of Beasts
post Dec 1 2012, 06:47 AM
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No smile.gif

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King Of Beasts
post Dec 1 2012, 07:06 AM
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Nuh uh smile.gif

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mALX
post Dec 1 2012, 07:10 AM
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WOO HOO! I love this! Westley was truly impressed by Martin's heroism, but in the repeated retellings was even finding his own self bored with it - that means he's probably going to bust free and do something to shake up his existance, can't wait to see what he finds to do! Awesome beginning KOB! Love it!




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King Of Beasts
post Dec 1 2012, 07:14 AM
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QUOTE(mALX @ Nov 30 2012, 10:10 PM) *

WOO HOO! I love this! Westley was truly impressed by Martin's heroism, but in the repeated retellings was even finding his own self bored with it - that means he's probably going to bust free and do something to shake up his existance, can't wait to see what he finds to do! Awesome beginning KOB! Love it!


Thanks! I enjoy writing a lot and I'm glad you like the first chapter.

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mALX
post Dec 1 2012, 07:19 AM
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GAAAAH! You added to it - a werewolf! MORE !!!!! MORE !!!!!!


Nice screens!


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King Of Beasts
post Dec 1 2012, 10:29 PM
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Can't delete a thread so gonna yeet this out of existence smile.gif

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King Of Beasts
post Dec 1 2012, 10:39 PM
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Adios smile.gif

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Acadian
post Dec 3 2012, 01:14 AM
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Welcome to Westley the Werewolf and I'm glad to see you bring his story to chorrol. I wonder if his condition aided him in his battles to become Champion of Cyrodiil. Its very interesting to have his perspective on being a moon doggie though. I enjoyed the tension between him and the vampires. I wonder also if Rex has bit the vampire dust. tongue.gif


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mALX
post Dec 3 2012, 04:14 AM
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Oooh, nice transformation scene! Awesome descriptions there! Bye Bye Rex the vampire! HoHoHo - Vokun! WOO HOO !!! And Ben and that werewolf shot too - Awesome shots to go along with your story! In case I forgot to say it before, Welcome to the Fic Forum!!!!! Awesome story so far, and I love the screens backing the story up!!! goodjob.gif


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King Of Beasts
post Dec 6 2012, 01:52 AM
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Acadian: Thanks for reading and I'm glad you enjoy the story so far. This is my first fanfic, so it probably isnt very interesting right now, but it should get better as the story goes on. The chapters should get longer too.

mALX: Thank you for reading and for your kind words. I'm glad that you enjoy the story. I think it's alright, considering that it's my first fanfic, and it should get more interesting soon.


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King Of Beasts
post Dec 6 2012, 03:23 AM
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Running out of things to say!

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Acadian
post Dec 8 2012, 01:12 AM
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Betrayed by Rex and rescued from a desperate fight by a pair of mysterious Bretonic vampires. ohmy.gif How ironic to be both betrayed by and rescued by vampires! I loved the welcome touch of humor as the voracious rabbit charged out of the forest! tongue.gif

Let me offer some thoughts that I hope you will find constructive and helpful

Your paragraphs are rather large. In the forums format, this can present a bit of a wall of text. Most of us here try to break our prose into smaller paragraphs so they are easier to read.

Also, I highly recommend you google Dialogue Punctuation and study up on a few of the sites that cover this rather arcane aspect of fiction writing. For now, suffice it to say that a golden rule in fiction is that every time you change speakers, start a new paragraph. Happily, this can also result in much shorter paragraphs.

Regarding lengthening your episodes, actually this current one is probably about perfect, as it is just under 1500 words. I shoot for 800 1800 words; much longer and you begin to lose some of your impact. The reason your episodes appear kind of short is simply that, as I mentioned, your paragraphs are too long. smile.gif


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mALX
post Dec 8 2012, 01:12 PM
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I'm coming to read this tomorrow KOB, too tired and almost cross-eyed from driving!


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Elisabeth Hollow
post Dec 8 2012, 09:01 PM
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QUOTE(Acadian @ Dec 7 2012, 06:12 PM) *

Betrayed by Rex and rescued from a desperate fight by a pair of mysterious Bretonic vampires. ohmy.gif How ironic to be both betrayed by and rescued by vampires! I loved the welcome touch of humor as the voracious rabbit charged out of the forest! tongue.gif

Let me offer some thoughts that I hope you will find constructive and helpful

Your paragraphs are rather large. In the forums format, this can present a bit of a wall of text. Most of us here try to break our prose into smaller paragraphs so they are easier to read.

Also, I highly recommend you google Dialogue Punctuation and study up on a few of the sites that cover this rather arcane aspect of fiction writing. For now, suffice it to say that a golden rule in fiction is that every time you change speakers, start a new paragraph. Happily, this can also result in much shorter paragraphs.

Regarding lengthening your episodes, actually this current one is probably about perfect, as it is just under 1500 words. I shoot for 800 1800 words; much longer and you begin to lose some of your impact. The reason your episodes appear kind of short is simply that, as I mentioned, your paragraphs are too long. smile.gif

You beat me to it. I get distracted by the wall of text and can't read it. Maybe I'm a snob for that but it makes me itchy.

What I COULD read of it seemed interesting, however. :]


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mALX
post Dec 8 2012, 10:38 PM
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*

LOVE the title of this chapter!! Woo, Rex is alive and seeking revenge! What a battle! Love how Westley lost his sword right off in the fight, makes it more exciting! Very exciting battle!

You didn't ask for tips, but I'll give one that may help the readers: When different characters are speaking, put a blank line between each different character's speech so the reader can quickly decipher that someone else is speaking. Doing that will also break up the "wall of words" effect that Elisabeth spoke of.

Your story is too good to have something like that keep others from taking the extra effort to read through it (because some may stop reading when they come across several different character's dialogues in one paragraph).

I am loving this story!!!! You write an Awesome fight scene!!!


*

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King Of Beasts
post Dec 9 2012, 01:35 AM
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I fixed the format so it's easier to read! Thanks for the advice guys!


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mALX
post Dec 9 2012, 01:56 AM
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QUOTE(King Of Beasts @ Dec 8 2012, 07:35 PM) *

I fixed the format so it's easier to read! Thanks for the advice guys!


Awesome! Thank you, that is easier on the eyes and really helps know who is talking! You ROCK !!!


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King Of Beasts
post Dec 9 2012, 04:57 PM
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Acadian: I really want to thank you for the constructive criticism. It helped a lot biggrin.gif

Elisabeth Hollow: Thank you for checking my story out! I'm also glad for your criticism too. It was quite useful

mALX: I'm glad you enjoy the story so far and thanks for the tip!


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King Of Beasts
post Dec 9 2012, 04:58 PM
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���������� no

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King Of Beasts
post Dec 9 2012, 05:32 PM
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Gosh diddly darn emojis are censored now

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