Things in Oblivion that make you laugh!, Exactly what it sounds like :) Options

[Callidus Thorn]

So I saw something I found funny as hell earlier, and went looking through here to find an approprate thread to post in. After several pages I was in the threads that had been dormant since 2006, so I figured it was time to start one instead of indulging in a little graverobbing.

Playing Telindil's game earlier, and he was headed north from Chorrol, but as he made is way to the north gate something caught his eye. Honditar and Lum gro-Baroth were round the back of the fighters guild practising archery, nothing new there. What caught my eye was that they were both shooting for the same target, each using different arrows. Iron for Lum, steel for Honditar. Yet despite two shooters, the number of arrows stuck in the target didn't seem to be increasing at the right pace, so Telindil and I took a closer look.

Honditar had fired 23 steel arrows while we were watching, and only one of them had hit the target!

All the others had overshot.

Honditar shouldn't carry a bow around, he clearly can't shoot

[ghastley]

I've been on the other side of that with mod-making. My NPC Enilwen in this quest is found practising her archery outside the Skingrad city walls, so that nobody walks into her line of fire and causes problems. I set up her target and an X-Marker Heading configured to point her at the target, supposing that it would make her fire her arrows into it. Instead she just gets pointed in the right direction, but her arrows can fly all over the place. I don't think I've found one in the target yet! I spent a lot of time looking for a way to improve it, but the CS just doesn't provide one. On the other hand, I don't think an enemy archer can miss the player, unless you actively dodge after the arrow is fired.

In Skyrim, I have the same situation with an archer set up with a target. Admittedly, she's a bit closer, but she hits the centre ring half the time, and never misses the target completely. They obviously learned from Oblivion, and now the AI has a marker target that you can place right at the bullseye, and the AI package includes controls on accuracy. Enemy archers in Skyrim can miss you, even if you stand still, depending on their skill.

[Elisabeth Hollow]

There's a priestess of Dibella who's old and wrinkly in Chorrol, I think. She apparently the most attractive woman in the city lol

[Acadian]

... Honditar shouldn't carry a bow around, he clearly can't shoot

We came to the same conclusion when Honditar endorsed needing poisoned arrows to kill a deer.

[haute ecole rider]

... Honditar shouldn't carry a bow around, he clearly can't shoot

We came to the same conclusion when Honditar endorsed needing poisoned arrows to kill a deer.

Agreed! And my veterinary background was asking And does eating venison from a deer killed with a poisoned arrow poison the eater, too? I couldn't help but think of the near extinction of our native birds of prey back in the heyday of DDT. That was one of the prime reasons that highly effective pesticide was banned from widespread use. They were suffering the effects of DDT because of the tendency for DDT to bioaccumulate in the fat of exposed animals.

What I find funny is the fragments of conversations I hear around Cyrodiil. The way the sentences get shuffled around by the AI is hilarious at times! I believe there is a thread around here somewhere that consists entirely of that canned dialogue.

My favorite one, though, comes from a mod called Idle Dialogues?: Brandy and comberry wine. Not a good combination. Always spoken in a musing voice. First heard this from one of the worshippers sitting quietly on a pew in one of the Chapels. Cracked me up as it reminded me of my 40th birthday . . .

[SubRosa]

I always love when the bandit you are fighting yells "This ends here!"

And then a second later you kill them...

Along with other great bandit taunts like: "You'll never take me down!" or "That the best you can do?" They always seem to precede their own death.

This post has been edited by SubRosa: Jan 15 2014, 10:09 PM

[Callidus Thorn]

I always love when the bandit you are fighting yells "This ends here!"

And then a second later you kill them...

Along with other great bandit taunts like: "You'll never take me down!" or "That the best you can do?" They always seem to precede their own death.

Heh, and don't forget the classic "jump on my sword while you can" generally shouted by a mace or axe wielder.

I've even heard it from archers while they were shooting.

I don't think I've ever heard it said by an NPC actually wielding a sword...

[mirocu]

Yeah, basically anything a bandit says in battle is fun

[Vital]

I'm pretty sure a bandit wizard once said the "jump on my sword while you can" line...

Although there were lots of bandits around...

[ghastley]

I quite liked "You Elves are all the same! All flash and no ..." cut off at that point because the poison on the arrow had just worked.

[Renee]

I always love when the bandit you are fighting yells "This ends here!"

And then a second later you kill them...

Along with other great bandit taunts like: "You'll never take me down!" or "That the best you can do?" They always seem to precede their own death.

It's straight out of Monty Python, really.

I always love when Kahreem's on the Waterfront and I'll hear a splash! Usually it's a beggar (or somebody) who has jumped into the water. Or have they fallen in there? Sometimes I think the game glitches and they fall in.

Your story in the OP is hilarious, CT.

[mirocu]

When Lothran was in the barracks lately the same guard told three other guards he´s there to relieve them and they all replied "Another day, another Septim"

[Renee]

Ha ha good one!

[Callidus Thorn]

Okay, found another one:

I've been neglecting Telindil's game a little, so he's still in Chorrol. So I fire up his game, and he decides to check out the Fighters Guild tower. There three chests at the top and only the middle one was unlocked, so he opened it up and found a book.

Hallgerd's Tale

Definitively answering the question: Who is the greatest warrior who ever lived?

So damn funny If you haven't seen it in game, give it a read.

This post has been edited by Callidus Thorn: Feb 6 2014, 04:22 PM