My attempt at a story Options

[Konji]

[quote]All around him Konrad could see the effects of fear... the farmers and commoners around him shaking, a sparse few being sick. He could see the effects of fear... the fear that stays concealed in the heart of every man, and decides on the opportune moment to drop it payload. He could feel the effects of war... the degrading monstrosity of it, the thing that leads all men to doom nomatter what the outcome.
It was time. the men shuffled off the carriage to the cries of the men-at-arms and imperial knights around them. Cries of "for the emperor!" could be heard along the forest that they were to fight in. The imperial nobles had decided on who to pick to fight for them, young men had the best chance to survive. They were all handed short swords, a lot of them rusty and worn, and in his hands Konrad's sword became a pile of dust seeping through his fingertips like the sands of time.
The few men in his group charged through the forest, dodging branches and logs, and clashed into a group of daedra. Konrad held back while his friends were slowly defeated. At the last moment he hurtled through the air, knocking a (insert thing that looks like a lizard with the two legs' name here) away from the last survivor of the fight. Konrad fell too, but got to his feet and pounced on the (insertname) poking at its eyeballs and ripping out its teeth.
Konrad rolled away as the (insertname) thrashed about, slicing another one of its species neck open and a blood fountain sprayed over his face. Konrad scurried for one of the swords the others had, and sliced at the last attacking (insertsamenamehere). He sliced at it, but was easily dodged and thrown into a trunk, the bark ripping down his shirt. the thing advanced on the vulnerable redguard that was left. All he could do was cry for help and try to stand up, but his legs would not hold him. Konrad picked himself up from the damp floor and threw his knife at the lizard. -|==> "Bugger!" The knife clashed against the trunk of a smooth tree and flew off sideways into the gloom of the night. Konrad watched helplesly as the redguard was devoured and turned into a true redguard.
The (insertname) slowly turned its head towards Konrad, the crimson blood dripping off it jaw and clashing with the green of the grass. Konrad did the most honourable thing he could... ran. He kept running, and ran all the way back to cyrodiil. He never stopped but snatched food from the windows of houses that he passed. He reached cyrodiil and ran to the palace. He kept running through the palace until he came out through the other side and smacked into an imperial guard. That was where he stopped running. That was where he stopped moving. That was the exact place where his lungs collapsed and his heart gave up, and where his tongue lay limply from his mouth.

Though he was moved. He was moved into one of the cells in the palace and left to become a skeleton...they say that they put him in a cell with a secret passage. Maybe you've seen him?[/quote]

This is my attempt and it was mainly for fun, so don't even think of flaming me. :<

[minque]

why would anyone flame you? We don´t do that here....
:confused:


besides...it´s a good story, ....i just wanna mention that a bit of paragraphing wouldn´t hurt at all so you might as well continue ok? ........now let´s hear what Jonajosa thinks of it??

:goodjob: :goodjob:

[Fuzzy Knight]

[quote=minque]why would anyone flame you? We don´t do that here....
:confused:


besides...it´s a good story, ....i just wanna mention that a bit of paragraphing wouldn´t hurt at all so you might as well continue ok? ........now let´s hear what Jonajosa thinks of it??

:goodjob: :goodjob:[/quote]
Agree with Minque, and about the flaming its not like the TES Forum with 30 000 idiots, but rather 150 nice and sweet people No flaming here, or they get bitten in the leg.. :goodjob:

[jonajosa]

And thats why im the one leged poster here... cause i flame.

Gald to see it here after you tslked about it. :goodjob:

[Konji]

Ok new story,

[quote]The sun gleamed off the piece of metal, the polished wood with it completing the most beutiful looking object in tamriel according to Fayn's father. Fayn crouched by the river, the birds singing in the surrounding forest. He pricked up his ears sensing an animal approaching. He stayed as still as he could, his heart pounding like a Daedra's. He slowly stood up and waited..."Yes!" Fayn cried out reeling in the pike. He threw it onto his pile of assorted fish and crouched again, the hook still gleaming in the sun.


Fishing skill raised 1 point![/quote]

[jonajosa]

Are these being sent to the library?

[Konji]

Isn't that what you decide? :eek:

[jonajosa]

yes but we have to have your permission first. I think the first one would be fine but im not so sure about the second one... lets see how it turns out.

[Konji]

Oh good. This is gonna be in volumes if you like it.

[quote]Myrage slowly rose from the silk bed, rubbing eyes eyes and running his hand through his blonde hair. He dragged himself to the door of his tent and went to the river, bathing his face in the fresh water.
"Aah."He was awake now. He leap back to his tent and finally put some clothes on. He picked up his delicately carved ash longbow and Netch leather quiver and walked out, his head darting left and right in search of breakfast.

He remembered his father's words as he left forest mansion, "There comes a time in every bosmer's life when he must turn into a man. You are to spend a month in the forest of Eldengrove and live you're live as a hunter. Remember the green pact." Myra, for that was his short name, looked down at the regally purple arrow given to him as he left from his village elder. The golden pattern sqiuggled all over the side gleamed from the early morning sun as the dew that rested on the metal caught the light. He placed it back in his quiver and picked out a hunting arrow, vibrant blue feathers sticking out the back.

Myra stalked towards a hollow trunk, catching sight of a heavy rabbit. He breathed deeply and raised his bow with the speed of a master hunter, in other words very slowly. He nocked his arrow and pulled back. Slowly releasing his fingers, he let the arrow from his grasp and straight into the rabbits heart. He did not want to hurt the animals...and he didn't want a mile long chase after a wounded rabbit either. He picked up the rabbt with one leg, slowly withdrew his arrow, and placed by last nights fire. He struck another, and tucked in heartily to his slightly overcooked rabbit. Today was the final day of his trial, he had been counting with a slash on his tent pole a day, and the day when he would try and return home.

Myra was not a master of the forest like everyone else, but lived all his life in a modern manor house, first made by imperial knights but abandoned after poor trade. He was the prince of the village he lived in, and although he was now 17 he had never seen another person under 20. He had been home schooled, and spent most of his spare time loosing at bundles of hay in the vast gardens of his small fortress.

He packed up all his equipment, leaving the rabbit bones to decompose and strapping the tent poles and wrapped around linen to his back. He set off back down the makeshit track he had made, pointing out to himself all the guiding landmarks he needed to find his way back. Though quite an easy task, it was nearing twilight as he first spotted his village again. Odly enough He could see a concentrated flame emerging from the centre of the circular village, and he rushed forward with increased purpose to see the cause. [/quote]

[jonajosa]

Its fine. Keep it up.

[Konji]

[quote]Myra charged through the rotting wooden arch leading to the centre and raced up the main street. He slowed to a stop, resting on a decrepit wooden fence.

The scene unveiled to him was one of wonder. Around the perimeter of the centre circle were placed over 2 dozen torches, burning a strange blue. Azure light flickered around the village, casting a long shadow behind Myra. Sat down cross legged were 3 tiers of, who Myra thought, were probably villagers. There were robed in a dark green velvet, hoods up and a circle of dead and far browning leaves around them. At the centre of all this was a raging fire, so tremendously hot that Myra had to eventually take a step back, but the front line of villagers never flinched. They seemed trapped in a deep meditation around the fire, all intent on staring at the it.

He strode forwards through the seated bosmer, heading directly for the mysterious pyre. Shielding his eyes, Myra looked into the fire and saw the body of another elf, now total black and starting to fall apart. His mother stood weeping by the fire, and the realization now sunk in to him. It was his father! He ran up to his mother and shoock her, "What happened to him? What happened?" He broke down, tears streaming down his face. His mother crouched beside him... speaking in a subdued and calming voice.

"It was an assassin of some sort, though for the life of me I cannot think why this happened. He was dressed in all black, and when he left the watchman saw him pass through the eastern gate." Myra rose up, his eyes ablaze with anger and his voice that of a man, (for a woodelf anyway lolz hahahahahaha!!!11!!!1!!)

"I will find this man, and i will avenge my fathers death. I am to travel to Cyrodiil and find out the answers to the mystery of his demise." With that he ran from the village knocking aside the robed figures and splashing the cold murky water from the puddles onto his only clothes.[/quote]

[jonajosa]

And this is all one book am i right?

[Konji]

Yeah

[Konji]

[quote]The sweltering heat of the midday sun burned on Myra's back. Finding the nearest large rock, he slumped beneath it, and lay down for a rest. 'I must be nearing the lake now!' He thought to himself, scurrying around his sack for whatever refreshment was left. Finding a small bottle of water, Myra popped the cork off and drank thirstily. His heart was now starting to beat slower, endless road stretching it to its limits. Hauling himself up Myra continued along the path he was following, wondering if he would sooner reach the end or die where he walked. His feet had given up, but his will to find his father's killer kept him from falling.

After hours walking, the Bosmer finally started to droop his head. He tried to get his sack from his back, but kept turning around...now unsure of what was happening in the world. He crashed to the floor, knocking his head on the worn dirt path, and falling into unconsciousness.



Where am I? What's going on? Water! Water all around me! Must...drink! Gah! Too salty, must find more water!
"Hello?" Be quiet, I need water! "Hello, Mister Bosmer...wake up!" Myra awoke to be greeted by the face of a rather attractive Altmer. "You were sleeping on the road, are you okay?" asked the Altmer. Myra looked around and saw she was part of a small caravan, packed with goods of food and drink to be shipped somewhere. The driver was a Khajit, and looked experienced in the manner of riding. "I am Celia. Now, try and sit up. What’s your name Mister Bosmer?” Myra rose slowly, then shakily getting to his feet bowed to the lady.

“I am Myrage… or Myra. I… am trying to get to a… big expanse… of water.” The words barely managed to escape his lips, and Celia frowned before leading him to the caravan. He was put amongst all the goods under the covered top, and Celia got in the front, leaning over the seat to talk to him. “I’ll get you to the sea, don’t you worry. I’ll have you over to Vvardenfell in no time!” She turned round, offering the Khajit some bread before leaning back on her chair and snoozing.

Upon hearing what the Altmer said Myra’s eyes grew wide, he knew it was not where he was to be going. He tried to communicate but could do naught but grunt his thanks, and recuperate for the first time in months. 3 nights passed, the old cart hardly stopping for a break. Over the 3 days Myrage was introduced to vi’rarr, the experienced Khajit. He learnt that he had been caravanning all his life, and was considered the fastest driver there was. He was a close friend of the Altmer, but did not usually travel with her. She was just a wandering healer, who would get money from any jobs she could find. She was heading to Blacklight to deliver some goods to Vvardenfell. When the others were in their own thoughts Myra would help himself to a little extra flin and comberry jam. Finally the caravan stopped and Myra heard the now slightly annoying voice of the hyperactive Altmer urging him out to see the sea.

Myra clambered out, viewing the sea for the first time in his life. The Khajit was in tears of joy at the wonders of nature, but Myra was not impressed. “It’s just a glorified puddle,” he moaned, getting back in the caravan and pocketing a slice of bread and some moon sugar he’d found hidden at the bottom of a pile of sacks.
“No Mister Bosmer! This is where you get off, m’kay?” Myra crawled out for the last time, sick to his bones of M’kay and considerably sick of traveling. He left the wandering pair, and went to find a boat to stowaway onto.(Thanks to mergirl for use of Celia)[/quote]

[Harry Dresden]

This is in reply to the very first part!

The writing itself is alright, certainly not bad. With a little practice, you could probably get pretty good. :shrug: Some of the writing seems a little force/old, like the first paragraph and the stuff about fear is interesting, but could take a revision. Just describe the fear in a slightly different way... but it's still good anyway.

There's no way a small group of warriors can take on a singles daedroth, much less a group of Daedra. Although, maybe they could... I'm no expert.

The Redguard thing was cheezy. Plz take that out!

Final note: unfortunately, this is just another action scene, and there are plenty of those. If you are going to do action, you need to be as creative as possible instead of "slash, slash, blood, blood fountain" (that's sort of a general rule, anway...). Although, you said yourself, this is just a try at writing, you're not actually trying to make a book/short story right now. Just keep up the hard work!

(that smiley face looks kinda weird on this forum... too bad...)

I might read the rest of your stuff later, I just gotta go now...