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Serene of Cyrodiil, chapter 2 "A New Start" |
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| minque |
Apr 2 2005, 05:39 PM
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Wise Woman

Joined: 11-February 05
From: Where I can watch you!!

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Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.
Jean-Paul Sartre
Chapter 2, A New Start
I am an incurable landlubber; boats are not my cup ´o tea, not in the least! I remember once when I was a child back home in Cyrodiil and my father and I went out on the quite calm Nibenay River in a small wooden boat just to take a pleasure trip……I was hanging over the side trying to get rid of whatever I had eaten the last couple of hours…the whole time.
I awoke with a terrible nausea, and honestly thought I was dying. The squeaking of wood against wood and the salty smell showed me I was on a ship somewhere at sea. I didn’t dare to move lest I have to empty an already empty stomach. The boat was tossing and turning and the sound of the heavy storm reached my ears as I tried to fall asleep again. A soothing hand was stroking my forehead, and I felt the bitter, yet refreshing taste of Hackle-Lo-tea on my lips.
“There now, lassie, drink this and you’ll soon feel better.”
A hoarse voice caused me to open my eyes and I caught a glimpse of the dark face of a man kneeling beside me. I drank the bitter fluid and my stomach slowly calmed down. When I opened my eyes I looked right into the red eyes of a young Dunmer with a gruesome scar across his left cheek. He wiped the cold sweat from my face and gave me a friendly smile.
“ Nah, feelin´better now? “
I nodded and he continued;
“Try to get some more sleep, we are far from our destination and the weather is getting even worse, so the best is if you sleep it through.”
I closed my eyes and drifted away, the last thought that came into my mind was a slight wonder what he had put in my tea………
It is sometimes hard to decide what is dream and what is reality. I was walking in a strange ash-covered landscape, no grass and the trees seemed all dead, no sign whatsoever of life. There was an eerie humming sound as the air thickened and went reddish. Then the humming sound grew stronger and the wind started to blow the ash from the ground. I tried to cover my mouth from the whirling red ashes and trudged forward, forward……Then Azura´s voice came to me as so many times before.
“Serene, Serene of Cyrodiil, they have taken you from the Imperial City’s Prison, first by carriage and now by boat, to the east, to Morrowind. You have been chosen, you are the first, and others will follow. Fear not, I will guide you….”
The landscape changed to a dark stormy night, rain pouring down; lightning crossed the sky in an outrageous tempest. I was running in the rain trying to escape from something yet unknown, when the world started to fall apart…..
A hand was shaking my shoulder; I tried to avoid it by turning aside but the shaking was persistent and I had to open my eyes. The Dunmer with the scar was bending over me with a friendly grin in his face.
“Hey wake up lassie, how are you? Here take my hand, you are shaking, did you have a bad dream?”
He took my hand and helped me to my feet; I was all shivery and felt nauseous with a terrible headache. The ship was slowly turning and I swallowed frantically to alleviate my obvious sea-sickness.
“Now there, take my hand, I’m Jiub, by the way, here, drink this.”
He held a pitcher to my lips and I downed the bitter liquid…..
“Thank you”, I said in a hoarse voice, “I’m Serene from Cyrodiil. What´s the matter, why are we not moving?”
Jiub told me we’d reached Morrowind, as he’d overheard from the guards. Morrowind….I closed my eyes for a second and remembered the words from the dream “……”to the east, to Morrowind”….
The sound of heavy footsteps approaching made the young Dunmer put his finger across his lips;
“Shhh, guard’s coming, better be quiet.”
The guard was a stout, heavy built Cyrodiil with sharp blue eyes. He looked emotionlessly at me and told me to follow him. I didn’t argue with him; there was no point in doing that from the look in his face. Besides, I wanted to feel solid ground under my feet again; the rolling of the ship didn’t agree at all with my stomach. I stumbled after him up on deck.
Bright daylight struck my face when I stepped out, and so did the smell of rotting fish, salt and the smoke from cooking-fires when using damp wood. My stomach turned and I swallowed…..As I looked around I saw a few buildings scattered along the shoreline, a lighthouse and a strange creature resembling a giant insect. I shrugged and approached the dark-skinned man standing on deck. He gave me a faint smile as he unlocked the bracers I had worn since I left the Imperial Prison and then pointed me down the gang plank.
“This way, m´am,” he said, “there will be an escort for ya.”
In full Imperial armour he came marching towards me, my escort for the day, sternly peering at me as he asked for my name. I gave him the requested information and was ordered to follow him up to the Excise and Census-office to complete my release. So apparently I was to be a free woman at last, after 7 years in custody. That was a strange, yet not unpleasant feeling.
An elderly man with a white beard greeted me as I entered the office. I felt uncomfortable; dirty and smelling from the mouldy ship where I’d been for such a long time, with no possibility to wash myself. My worn shirt was soaked with sweat and my hair was in terrible shape, being neither washed nor combed for more than 2 months. I looked into the eyes of the old man and remembered my grandfather back in Cyrodiil……Grandfather?? Do I even have a grandfather anymore? The memories made my eyes fill with tears and I turned away, taking a deep breath in order to compose myself.
“Ah! We’ve been expecting you!” The man presented himself as Socucius Ergalla and gave me a welcoming smile. Then he asked me quite a lot of intricate questions, who I was, who my parents were and about my skills and abilities. When I told him I was a foundling he looked at me very sternly and nodded.
“Ah, the letter that preceded you states you are a very skilled healer, now might that be a fact?”
Ergalla´s soft voice made me jerk, “Letter?” I sensed some kind of set-up, someone knew I was coming here, and that someone also had gathered information about me…..
I admitted I was fairly skilled in the noble art of healing, and I also had to tell about my other virtues, such as that I consider myself to be intelligent; I knew quite a lot about alchemy; and I’d learned a lot about how to manage a long blade, thanks to Telemachos; I can repair my weapons as well, when needed…
The final question was about my birth-sign; what relevance that had I don’t know but the man was satisfied when I told him I was born under The Ritual. I was also told to pay a visit to the captain in the adjacent building in order to get my orders and a release-fee. Being given orders didn´t appeal to me, but the word “release-fee” was another thing, I could certainly need something to get me started in this godforsaken place.
Then my papers were properly signed and stamped and I stepped out of the office as a free woman.
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Chomh fada agus a bhionn daoine ah creiduint in aif�iseach, leanfaidh said na n-aingniomhi a choireamh (Voltaire)Facebook
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Replies(40 - 54)
| Wolfie |
May 6 2005, 08:10 PM
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Mage

Joined: 14-March 05
From: Dublin, Ireland

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lol you may want to fix those links Minque
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 D�anaim smaoineamh, d� bhr� sin, t�im ann - Descartes Only the dead have seen the end of war ~ Plato Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed. - G.K. Chesterton EnsamVarg
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| jchamber |
Feb 13 2006, 07:24 AM
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Finder

Joined: 6-February 06
From: beyond the grave

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I like those links, I don't know what s.gm. means but I think it is safe to say it is something congratulatory, which is why I say....Ditto.
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This is AP Erebus's baby, but I intend to help (VVclick for site linkage)
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| jchamber |
Feb 13 2006, 08:30 AM
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Finder

Joined: 6-February 06
From: beyond the grave

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image link from chapt 3, spoiler alert(this comment acctually regarding chapter 3) I like this picture but i couldn't reply on the chapter three thread b/c it was closed for some reason...I will prolly see it in the next couple hours. The weird thing is that while you encounter this character in the eight plates, the photo is placed across from Arrille's Tradehouse in seyda neen. You lost me for a bit during the flashback while I wrote pages and pages of my own story, but I loved everything else I read.
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This is AP Erebus's baby, but I intend to help (VVclick for site linkage)
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| minque |
Feb 13 2006, 09:05 PM
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Wise Woman

Joined: 11-February 05
From: Where I can watch you!!

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QUOTE(jchamber @ Feb 13 2006, 08:30 AM) image link from chapt 3, spoiler alert(this comment acctually regarding chapter 3) I like this picture but i couldn't reply on the chapter three thread b/c it was closed for some reason...I will prolly see it in the next couple hours. The weird thing is that while you encounter this character in the eight plates, the photo is placed across from Arrille's Tradehouse in seyda neen. You lost me for a bit during the flashback while I wrote pages and pages of my own story, but I loved everything else I read. First I deleted your posts with no content! Then I´ll explain the picture, it was just meant to show how Sedrane looks like, it has nothing to do with the fact that Serene met him for the first time in Eight Plates! The flash-back was a piece from her past.....she was dreamiing sort of....(you meant the one from the ritual at the dunmeri settlement I suppose?) I´m glad you like my story anyway.... Oh and chapter 3 was so long that the thread was full! but feel free to comment in this thread!
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Chomh fada agus a bhionn daoine ah creiduint in aif�iseach, leanfaidh said na n-aingniomhi a choireamh (Voltaire)Facebook
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| jchamber |
Feb 13 2006, 09:32 PM
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Finder

Joined: 6-February 06
From: beyond the grave

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thanks for getting rid of those empty ones... Is there a way I could have gotten rid of them? couldn't find a way....yea that flashback to the settlement I knew what was going on but my A.D.D. was starting to kick in and I just couldn't concentrate on reading anymore, but after a few hours of writing I came back and was better.
In regards to chapt. 3 how much info makes a thread full? I primarily ask b/c I want to leave some room in the storie threads I am writing. it seems like it is 200 replies, in which case just means that I shouldn't worry about the length of each segment, but rather just limit the number of segments per thread...is that right?
This post has been edited by jchamber: Feb 13 2006, 10:18 PM
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This is AP Erebus's baby, but I intend to help (VVclick for site linkage)
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| minque |
Feb 13 2006, 10:24 PM
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Wise Woman

Joined: 11-February 05
From: Where I can watch you!!

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QUOTE(jchamber @ Feb 13 2006, 09:32 PM) thanks for getting rid of those empty ones... Is there a way I could have gotten rid of them? couldn't find a way....yea that flashback to the settlement I knew what was going on but my A.D.D. was starting to kick in and I just couldn't concentrate on reading anymore, but after a few hours of writing I came back and was better. In regards to chapt. 3 how much info makes a thread full? I primarily ask b/c I want to leave some room in the storie threads I am writing. it seems like it is 200 replies, in which case just means that I shouldn't worry about the length of each segment, but rather just limit the number of segments per thread...is that right? Threads are locked when they reach the number of 200 posts. So don´t worry that much about the length of every post, but still too long posts are hard to read! I suggest you make one thread per chapter! So what is your over-all opinion on Serene...so far?
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Chomh fada agus a bhionn daoine ah creiduint in aif�iseach, leanfaidh said na n-aingniomhi a choireamh (Voltaire)Facebook
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| jchamber |
Feb 14 2006, 01:37 PM
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Finder

Joined: 6-February 06
From: beyond the grave

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well in the last couple of days I have read through months of your writing from the very begining of serene's not-so-sweet sixteen and am at the end of the 8th page of the thrid chapter, and there have been a couple points where I felt a little pulled out of the story from where a description was a little game-mechanicy sounding, but it was always just a word or two per like, ....4 posts or something, but it has inspired me to go back through all the stuff I have written so far and do some editing for immersion and detail...like I didn't like how my character had a reluctance to see people as targets but as soon as he had a sword lost that quality..ther are other things too, I am sure it will be an improvement after I update it, so be sure to watch for changes, I am going to go through the stuff I haven't posted yet too so that it is better at the first post than my current set. I was just overexcited and forgot the details in a typeing frenzy.
Thus far I absolutely love your writing, but I found some stuff getting reptitive, like when she starts getting more emotional after being 'hardened body and mind' by her time with the imperial legion. well let me sum it up this way....I was talking to my cousin on the phone last night and told him that of the professtional fiction under fiction/fantasy that I have read you rank right up with Orsen Scott Card, author of a couple book series I really liked who also is a gamer who helped with the storyline on advent children, if you are familiar...never played it myself. Another author I made a comparison to was R.L Stine, author of some half a dozen of dozens of books (over 72) that was adddictive when I was younger, I said that you were equal to him in ability if not better, and I meant it. Truly...congratulations on an excellent peice, I only wish I had time enough to sit and read it more hours a day.
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This is AP Erebus's baby, but I intend to help (VVclick for site linkage)
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| Remko |
Apr 7 2010, 04:53 PM
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Finder

Joined: 17-March 10
From: Ald'ruhn, Vvardenfell

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Very nice chapter. Nkcely done with Serene running into Tarhiel and the Tax-collector before they.... ah well, you know. I also noticed some similarities between your Serene and my Rales Sarethi (all coincidental!!) like Hogithum being their birthday and a certain incident with a crab. Chapter 3, here I come!
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Strength and honour, stranger!
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