Cheesecake, My first fan-fic. Options

[Dire Cheesecake]

Heh, this my longest one so far, but hardly anything happened did it? It's just all the paragraph breaks I added. Oh well.

I'm trying to think of a better title for this since the story really doesn't prominently feature cheesecake.

[Dire Cheesecake]

This one was actually supposed to be longer but if I had continued I wouldn't have found a good stopping place for a while. The good news; I'm much farther ahead in writing Be'Ghir's story than I need to be.

VI
“This is worse than the time I knocked over master’s alchemy table! At least he only transformed me into a rat for the rest of the day. These guards are really trying to kill me! No wait, they’re after her. Why am I even helping her?” truthfully, he couldn’t say. “I hope master finds me soon.” Be’Ghir tilted his left ear towards the woman riding on his back. “Where… now?”

“We need to get far away from the city, and the quickest way to do that is with a ship. Take a left here. We need to get to the Waterfront.”

“Yes.” Replied Be’Ghir as he headed in the direction indicated. Leaping from roof to roof, he could see the closed gate ahead. “How we… get… out?” He asked, looking back over his shoulder.

Delila looked worried, “Uh… Well… Do you think you could jump it?”

“Could… but… you… too heavy.” “Well maybe I could but she’d probably get hurt.”

“What? Are you calling me fat!?” Delila snapped.

“No.” Be’Ghir calmly replied. “Humans are strange.”

Delila frowned; “What do you mean? Oh never mind. So you can’t make the jump with me on your back...” She sighed. “Well I guess there’s no choice; we’ll have to split up… There, stop by that grate.”

Be’Ghir dropped down to the street and came to a stop next to a grate imbedded in the ground, off to the side. He felt Delila slip off his back, and saw her crouch down next to the grate. She took the pack off her back and pulled out a short metal pole with thinned ends. She slipped one end under the grate and levered it up, pushing it to the side. “There we go.” She said, returning the lever to her bag and slinging it onto her back again. Delila looked up at Be’Ghir; “Well, I guess this is where we say goodbye. Once you get fast that wall you’ll be out of the city. You should probably cross the lake and get as far away from here as you can, watch out for slaughterfish. Sorry I can’t help you find your way, but I’ve got my own problems. Good luck, Debilla’s blessings.” She winked at him and, climbed into the hole. “Oh, and can you close the grate for me?”

Be’Ghir slid the grate back into place with his paw, and started moving again. “Slaughterfish… I’m so hungry.” Be’Ghir looked up at the lightening sky. His advantage in the darkness was almost gone. He heard shouts ahead and looked back to the gate to see a group of guards forming a wall of spears in front of it. “Oh well, I never meant to use the gate.” He thought, as he half ran, half leapt up the side of a building. The guardsmen watched speechlessly, even more so when he jumped from the edge of the last building, soaring through the air, and landing squarely atop the wall. A soldier stood next to him, apparently frozen with fear. Be’Ghir looked back at him for a moment and then dove off the other side, landing softly on the ground, finally free of the city. He took his time looking around. Down by the lakeshore was a small pier with a wooden dingy tied to it. He walked down and examined it. “I could probably use this to get across the lake. Hm…” He bit through the rope and then flopped down on top of the tiny boat, his leg dangling off the sides, “Well at least it’ll keep me mostly dry.”

[jack cloudy]

Hmm, Be'Ghir is quite the acrobat. I like him alot, especially with his comments all the time. One line really got me, though it wasn't said by Be'Ghir.

“What? Are you calling me fat!?” Humans, always jumping to conclusions.

[The Metal Mallet]

Though it was a short update, there was plenty of character in it. Good work!

[Dire Cheesecake]

Well while I have a really long chapter of Be'Ghir's side already written, I just finished this one from Delila's side. It's about the same length as the last I think. Sorry if it sucks, I'm actually having a bit of trouble coming up with stuff to write for Delila's plot, combat scenes make things allot longer but Delila isn't much of a combatant..

VII
Delila dropped down to the walkway and looked up to see the grate being pushed closed above her. The stench was not so bad this time of day since most people had been asleep all night, and their waste had been washed away with the current. Delila pressed forward, it would be better if she were on a ship before the sun rose.

It would have been practically impossible to memorize the layout of the massive network of sewer tunnels and ducts running beneath the imperial city, so the only way to keep from getting lost was to follow the tunnels that went in the right direction until you reached you destination. With that in mind Delila took out her compass and started heading towards the south west. After several minutes of walking she heard the sound of wind in the distance, “I must be getting close now.” She thought, hurrying forward. In her haste she failed to notice the figure waiting in the darkness until it stepped forward and revealed itself.

“Well if it isn’t Miss Black Cat.” Said a familiar voice. Delila nearly jumped out of her skin, as she whipped around to face the source of the voice. A Bosmer with sandy orange hair was watching her.

“Quarril? Wha- uh, what are you doing here?” She stuttered in surprise.

The Bosmer raised an eyebrow, “I could ask you the same thing, I thought you preferred the sewers to be beneath you… But then again, it doesn’t really matter, does it? My business is mine and yours in yours. Whatever you’re doing here, you ought to be careful where you come up, there’s quite a commotion amongst the watch up above.” He paused for a moment, looking at her with a scrutinizing gaze. “You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that would you?”

“Uh… well…” Delila started.

“Don’t tell me you got caught again! I… am… so… sick… of… you… With the Council’s new policies there’s no room here for childish amateurs who want to play dress up.” The Bosmer snapped, advancing towards her.

Delila was startled by the sudden outburst, and she stumbled backwards, nearly causing her to fall into the channel. “Quarril, I… I’m leaving the city today, hopping the next ship to Bravil.”

Quarril stopped, and smiled at her jeeringly “Oh? Is that so Miss Black Cat? Well then by all means, please continue. Don’t let me stop you…” Quarril stepped aside, still smiling menacingly.

Delila watched Quarril warily as she walked past but then broke into a run, continuing down the passage as quickly as possible and away from him. She had known him for several years, and had come to think of him as a friend, she’d had no idea that he felt that way about her. Still, now was not the time to get emotional, she had to find that exit.

After a while she saw sunlight up ahead and continuing on she found what she had been searching for, a drainage pipe leading out of the sewers, it was about two feet in diameter which made it easy for her to get through, though Be’Ghir certainly wouldn’t have managed it. Finally she found herself squinting into the early morning light. Once her eyes had adjusted to the light she looked around trying to get her bearings. A ways to her right was the harbor, with many ships docked at its piers; a few looked like they would be heading out soon.

Delila removed her mask and stuffed it into her backpack before heading towards the docks. Without it she looked more like just another adventurer looking for passage down the Nibenay. Still, she was careful to avoid the eyes of guards; it was only a matter of time before word reached them about the events in the city, if it hadn’t already. She was passing The Bloated Float, docked at its usual spot next to a sign advertising cheap rooms and meals when she noticed something quite odd. It was moving away from the dock. She stared for a moment, wondering if she was experiencing some sort of illusion, but no, it was indeed moving. “Well, where ever it’s going it isn’t here.” She thought, running after the ship and catching a rope dangling off of the side. “Hm, I sure hope we stop in Bravil.”

This post has been edited by Dire Cheesecake: May 12 2007, 03:32 PM

[The Metal Mallet]

Ohwell, it's short, but it was still interesting. This Quaril character sounds intriguing. Keep it going. I'm looking forward to your longer Be'Ghir update.

[blockhead]

“Don’t tell me you got caught again! I… am… so… sick… of… you… With the Council’s new policies there’s no room here for childish amateurs who want to play dress up.” The Bosmer snapped, advancing towards her.

LOL!

Delila removed her mask and stuffed it into her backpack before heading towards the docks. Without it she looked more like just another adventurer looking for passage down the Nibenay. Still, she was careful to avoid the eyes of guards; it was only a matter of time before word reached them about the events in the city, if it hadn’t already. She was passing The Bloated Float, docked at its usual spot next to a sign advertising cheap rooms and meals when she noticed something quite odd. It was moving away from the dock. She stared for a moment, wondering if she was experiencing some sort of illusion, but no, it was indeed moving. “Well, where ever it’s going it isn’t here.” She thought, running after the ship and catching a rope dangling off of the side. “Hm, I sure hope we stop in Bravil.”

A question: what was "quite odd" about that ship?

[jack cloudy]

I agree with Blockhead. That Bosmer had some amusing lines already.

And the odd thing is that the Bloated Float was moving, I think. Normally it is docked, right? Like a ship turned tavern that never moves.

[Dire Cheesecake]

Yes, the odd thing about the Bloated Float moving is that it's usually permanently docked and is used as an Inn. If you've played Oblivion you can probably guess some of what happens next. But first, Be'Ghir. Sorry if one of the characters in this chapter seems like a bit of a rip off of one of yours Jack, call it a tribute to my favorite character in that story. Though I really wish I was a bit more creative.



VIII
Morning had come by the time Be’Ghir finally reached the far shore of the lake. On his way across he had managed to catch a few slaughterfish that had foolishly tried to bite his paws, and even though they had each been barely a mouthful, they were enough to take the edge off his hunger. He continued inland for a short while until he reached a road running along the bottom of a cliff. He turned left and started following it away from the massive bridge leading back to the city. After several minutes of walking he heard sounds around a bend in the cliff, stopping and perking his ears he recognized the sounds of fighting. “It sounds like someone’s in trouble.” He thought, hurrying forward.

Rounding the bend, Be’Ghir came upon a startling sight. A massive humanoid, half again his size in both width and height, was doing battle with a group of four people. The strangest thing about the creature was that despite its humanoid body it had the head of a bull with long sharp horns. In its right hand it carried a large battle axe that a normal person would have wielded in two. One of the combatants, a Dunmer man with a spear, lunged at the creature, but it caught hold of the shaft of his weapon and pulled him towards it bringing down its massive axe and severing his arm in one blow before kicking him aside. A tall, fair skinned human in chain mail came up behind the creature with a claymore, screaming a battle cry but it swung the spear around and smashed the half against her head. She went flying backwards until she skidded to a stop and lay still, her iron helmet clattering to the ground several feet away. Now only two other combatants remained; a pale, brown haired human male in dull brown robes who seemed to be throwing anything he could find at the beast in his panic, and a black haired Dunmer woman who wore a hide tunic, rough leather pants, and leather boots and continued to back away and fire with her bow. Be’Ghir decided that if he was going to help anyone it had better be now, or else there was not going to be anyone alive to help. He broke into a run towards the creature, just as it started charging towards the Dunmer.

The Dunmer continued to back up and fire until she reached for another arrow and her fingers met nothing but air. She went into a close combat stance and backed up a few more feet until she ran into the cliff wall. “Curse you to Oblivion, monster!” She yelled at the top of her voice, and awaited a painful and gruesome death, but just then Be’Ghir slammed into the side of the monster sending it crashing to the ground with him on top of it. He pinned its arms with his paws and buried his teeth in its throat, pulling back with all his strength until he felt something come free and a spray of warm liquid hit him. He spit out the chunk of the beast’s throat distastefully and looked down at his handy work. The creature was definitely dead or would be in seconds, half its throat was missing, and there was blood gushing everywhere as it continued to spray from the jugular artery. He licked his chops idly as he waited for the blood to slow. The Dunmer woman was staring at him in shock; still holding up her fists in front of her as if they were some kind of deterrent. The robed man had run to check on the unconscious woman who seemed to be bleeding from a head wound, and the other Dunmer man lay clutching at the stump of his shoulder and groaning softly. Suddenly the Dunmer woman’s arms dropped and she ran to the other elf’s side. “Raan, say something!”

The male Dunmer known as Raan muttered a bit and then sputtered; “Vel…” he trailed off and passed out.

“Baric you boat! Get over here and help Raan!”

“Aye aye, I’m comin’. Hold yer horse meat, Velsa. Linde’ll be fine by the way, just some shallow cuts an of course she’s out cold.” The Breton man hurried over to the elves, giving Be’Ghir a wide berth, and examined Raan’s wounds. “Oh… well… This in’t good, is arm’s off!”

Velsa scowled at Baric “I can see that you boat! Do something about it or you’ll be wishing it was your arm I’d ripped off!”

The Breton jumped back a bit at the threat, but then returned to examine the wound. “I could reattach it if I ad the time, but I think we better git out of ere fore the big fella tires of the Minotaur.” He said, glancing up at Be’Ghir and then letting out a shriek as he realized that Be’Ghir was looking right back at him. He started scrambling backwards, tripping on his own legs.

Velsa turned to see what Baric was reacting to and reacted in much the same way as the Breton, but then she looked at Raan and stopped, instead standing up protectively in front of him.

“Wait.” Said Be’Ghir. The other two froze in place and stared up at him, he stared back. “Not… enemy.” He continued, calmly.

“Uh- Velsa, the gian cat is talkin ta us.” Muttered Baric, slowly staggering to his feet. “Think it’s tellin us ta let our guard down so it cin eat us.”

“Damn your endless talk Baric! Shut up and heal Raan!” Velsa stood up and shoved the Breton in the direction of Raan’s severed arm.

“Y-yes ma’am!” He stuttered, and scurried over to where the dark skinned arm lay bleeding on the grass.

Velsa turned back to Be’Ghir, watching him warily, “Thank you for saving us, but what- uh… Who are you? And why have you helped us?”

Be’Ghir sighed inwardly, “Human language is so confusing to speak. I really hope I don’t have to explain myself to everyone I meet.” Still, he did his best to answer. “Khajiit… Bh’Ghir… Helped… because… you… needed… help…”

Velsa looked somewhat skeptical, “You’re a Khajiit huh? Well I guess I have heard stories about giant cat Khajiit… So you’re saying you just wanted to help us?” At first she looked a bit confused but suddenly she seemed to get an idea. She gave Be’Ghir a friendly smile. “Well, since you’ve helped us, I guess it’s only right that we help you as well.”

“Lost… Hungry… You… help?” Be’Ghir said, “Ah, great, maybe they can help me find a mage or give me some food, that… thing… tasted terrible. You’d think it would taste like beef or something but it tastes more like sweat and dirt, and… something else… ewgh.”

Velsa continued to smile. “Of course, we can get you food, sure, lots of food. Just come with us.”

Meanwhile, Baric had set Raan’s arm against his shoulder and started about regenerating the damaged bone and tissue, “It’s a good thin ees not awake, this would urt allot.” He commented. Be’Ghir watched as the healer carefully applied restorative energy to the area, and the flesh knit back together leaving light bluish new skin behind. By the time he had finished he was sweating profusely, “There… ee, ought ta be… safe ta move now… but I’m not sure… how we’ll carry em… both back… ta the hideout.” He said, panting heavily.

Be’Ghir lowered his body. “Will… carry… them.”

Baric looked a bit concerned about the idea, but Velsa quickly said, “Alright, thanks Be’Ghir, come on Baric, hurry up and help me. We should get moving before a patrol comes around.”

“Gimme… some time… ta rest… willya…” Responded the healer. Velsa scoffed, and set about carrying her injured comrades over to Be’Ghir and placing them on his back.

Grunting under the Nord’s weight she said to Baric, “Well at least, erg, collect out equipment.”

“What… patrols?” interrupted Be’Ghir, turning his head back to watch the Dark Elf securing her comrades with a length of rope.

“Oh, uh… You know… Bandit patrols. Ever since those damned gates went away the imperial patrols have gotten smaller, and that makes it allot safer for bandits to work. Some bandits have even taken to posing as legionaries.” Velsa continued to smile warmly at the Khajiit.

“Hm, bandits… I better watch out for them, can’t let these guys get robbed after they promised to help me out.” Thought Be’Ghir, and replied; “Will… protect… you…”

“Well thank you, Be’Ghir. Let’s go.”

This post has been edited by Dire Cheesecake: May 13 2007, 10:23 AM

[The Metal Mallet]

This is certainly an interesting party of travellers. Velsa certainly has a commanding and short-temper attitude. I also enjoyed Be'Ghir's commentary on the taste of Minotaur. Good work.

[jack cloudy]

Hey, I don't see a rip-off anywhere. Same race and same choice of weapon doesn't make someone a clone. That would be like saying that Zorro is King Arthur because both use swords. And even if it did, I wouldn't mind. So relax and do whatever you like.

As for the story, it was fun again. Be'Ghir trying his first bite of Minotaur and being hungry as always. He must be a really big Khajiit to do all that lifting. Not to mention that a normal-sized Khajiit wouldn't shock everyone as much.

[Dire Cheesecake]

Well Zorro uses a some form of rapier while Arthur would probably have used a longsword or broadsword, so the styles of combat would have been completely different. (thank goodness Oblivion didn't have any rapiers) Spears on the other hand haven't changed much in thousands of years. The whole arm thing was also a tribute and if you rearrange the letters in his name... Yep, totaly uncreative.

Heh, I figured you already knew this with all the stories you've written. Be'Ghir is a Senche, a sub species of Khajiit that is quardrepedal and about the size of a large horse. Though they aren't usually black, but that's just a rip off of the jungle book.

Senche (top) and Senche-Raht.

Also, thanks for the comments, both of you.

This post has been edited by Dire Cheesecake: May 14 2007, 04:05 AM

[Agent Griff]

Nice story so far, I especially like the personality of your characters. As was already said, they develop a distinct personality quite quickly. I especially like Be'Ghir, being so sefless and helping people out. I like his curious nature, much like normal animals. I also like his comments. And the opening twist was especially nice, making us think that Be'Ghir was a werewolf or something at first.

[Dire Cheesecake]

Well, as of now, I'm drawing a blank on how to procede with the story. So don't expect an update anytime soon. I'm sorry to anyone that liked it.

This post has been edited by Dire Cheesecake: May 27 2007, 06:26 PM

[blockhead]

Well, as of now, I'm drawing a blank on how to procede with the story. So don't expect an update anytime soon. I'm sorry to anyone that liked it.

I understand. Creating plots is difficult. I've never been able to do it You'll note that everything you've seen me post here are adaptations of existing stories from the game or a plugin.

Still, perhaps an idea will occur to you at 2 Am or something. You'll grab a piece of paper and furiously write the ideas down.

[Dire Cheesecake]

I understand. Creating plots is difficult. I've never been able to do it You'll note that everything you've seen me post here are adaptations of existing stories from the game or a plugin.

Still, perhaps an idea will occur to you at 2 Am or something. You'll grab a piece of paper and furiously write the ideas down.

Yeah, I'm thinking I may start writing an Oblivion story that could be a precurser to this one, and give me some ideas for what to do with it.

Then again, maybe I will just magicaly come up with an idea, that would be great too!

[Agent Griff]

I never write down my ideas. They ussually come to me by magic then I remember them mentally. I also never have a pre-written plot for a story, I always write them as I go, never having a set end in mind.

I wish you luck in find new ideas for a plot. I'm sure something will come up.

[blockhead]

I also never have a pre-written plot for a story, I always write them as I go, never having a set end in mind.

I wish I could do that.