QUOTE(SubRosa @ Jul 13 2021, 09:48 PM)

it feels weird writing from her POV and also saying "Barbara said this" or "Romulus said that".
Here's a little trick: insert a short sentence of description identifying a character before a line of dialogue. Once the speakers have been established in the reader's mind there is no need to bother with "Barbara said this". The following lines are awkward but they illustrate the point:
Barbara poured herself a glass of milk. "Are you going to work tomorrow?"
Romulus narrowed his eyes. "Why wouldn't I go to work?"
"Your boss called this morning. He wanted to know where you were."
"I had to visit a sick friend. Yes, that's it. I was at the hospital."
"I see. And exactly which hospital would that be, Romulus?"
"The one over on 12th street, I forget the name."
This illustrates another trick: one character identifies another character within the dialogue itself.
Have January give the parents nicknames. This not only side-steps the awkwardness of "Barbara" and "Romulus" but does double duty telling us how she feels about the parents. Here are nicknames that give dialogue a sarcastic tone:
Her Highness poured a glass of milk. "Are you going to work tomorrow?"
His Majesty narrowed his eyes. "Why wouldn't I go to work?"
Or a more affectionate tone:
Didi poured herself a glass of milk. "Are you going to work tomorrow?"
Gogo narrowed his eyes. "Why wouldn't I go to work?"
This post has been edited by Pseron Wyrd: Jul 14 2021, 06:07 AM