Excerpt from a larger event, as recalled by Jo'Rakha the Khajiit. Options

[LeTren Thundakk]

“I’ll be expecting you to leave that last detail out, Jo'Rakha.” The man sitting across from the writer said.

Jo'Rakha leaned over the table and whispered some private threat to him.

“How dare you! I am of noble origin. I can’t have that image compromised, especially not for some half-assed article.”

The Khajiit laughed.

“It may be bitter for you to ‘taste’ but nothing I do is ever half-assed! If the Great Lythandas approached me to write a book and feature his art, it would be the single greatest achievement in all of Tamriel creativity.”

The man responded with sarcasm, “Certainly you jest? ‘The Way to Daedric’ is just an example of your mockery that might one day get you killed.”

“That story is based heavily on fact. It really happened. If anyone kills me over any of my works, it’s to silence the truth. That’s why I keep tabs on you. I can’t have you getting out of hand. That’s neither here nor there, back to the main reason for requesting your presence.”

“You aren’t getting any more out of me. Anything I say from this point on is off the record!”

Jo'Rakha laughed once more.

“Too bad, then. I guess we are done here. I hope there are no hard feelings when I ruin you with this article. At least here in Morrowind you can start anew, your life in Cyrodiil is over.”

The man rose from the table and unsheathed his sword.

“I TOLD YOU, I WILL NOT HAVE MY IMAGE COMPROMISED. YOU CAN’T BE LEFT ALIVE!”

Jo'Rakha didn’t even flinch, as well placed arrows found their marks on the man’s vitals.

“You should be more careful.” The Ordinator told him.

“Thanks for the rescue.”

“Why, if he is from Cyrodiil, arrange to meet him here?”

“In Cyrodiil, the guards would arrest the man after the murder. Here, your law calls for immediate punishment.”

“Very well, then.”

He got up and left the canton. He went to the Mage’s Guild in the Foreign Quarter and paid for transport to the Arcane University in the capital of Cyrodiil, the Imperial City.

Now to take my cousins up on their offer to help write for their periodical, if the offer still stands.

This post has been edited by LeTren Thundakk: Jun 3 2008, 07:47 AM

[redsrock]

Is this a "one and done" story?

[LeTren Thundakk]

Yes...and no...More stories about him will follow.

What did you think?

[Black Hand]

LeTren, you dont seem to be getting the feedback you deserve. I did read the Way to Daedric. I apologize now for not commenting. It was hilarious, and well written. I am uncertain if you are referencing it here as a joke, or if it part of a larger web. Was the Khajiit here the 'writer'?

[redsrock]

It wasn't bad at all. A little too short for my own personal taste, but that's not a big deal. I am a bit curious as to what the Khajiit is speaking of.

The only real thing that bugged me was that when the Khajiit whispered into the man's ear we the readers have no clue what was said. Unless you did that on purpose, it should have been more of a "show me" situation rather than a "tell me". You know what I mean?

[LeTren Thundakk]

LeTren, you dont seem to be getting the feedback you deserve. I did read the Way to Daedric. I apologize now for not commenting. It was hilarious, and well written. I am uncertain if you are referencing it here as a joke, or if it part of a larger web. Was the Khajiit here the 'writer'?

Yep, he is the 'writer' of everything I write TES-wise.

It wasn't bad at all. A little too short for my own personal taste, but that's not a big deal. I am a bit curious as to what the Khajiit is speaking of.

The only real thing that bugged me was that when the Khajiit whispered into the man's ear we the readers have no clue what was said. Unless you did that on purpose, it should have been more of a "show me" situation rather than a "tell me". You know what I mean?

Actually, as I wrote it, even I didn't know what he told him. It will be explained in the article he will be writing, though. (The article being the next thing I'll be writing for here.) And seeing as even I didn't know, it would have been difficult to "show" it instead of it being an unknown contributor to the man becoming outraged. I did it 'wrong' but it should be 'righted' shortly.

[redsrock]

Good, I can't wait to read it.

[LeTren Thundakk]

Vontus Artellian: The Unseen Face
by Jo’Rakha

Vontus Artellian was a notable member of the capital community. His day-to-day life was seen by many, he was adored by many, so it is a shame his life was ended when he rose up in a fit of anger to slay someone he met with in Morrowind. Reports of domestic abuse, rampant drug use and infidelity were seen as lies told by those who were jealous.

With his death, more and more of these ‘reports’ have come about, which lead to the guards searching his house. They have been hush about what was found, but not all of them. A guard refusing to give his name up gave me some information, “I’ve never seen so much Skooma in one place, and I’ve done plenty of raids in the past.” Unfaithful wives are reporting more and more pregnancies as the results of Artellian’s love affairs.

He also had a deeper, darker secret, he was a serial murderer. In his basement were over a hundred severed heads. The smell of blood and decaying flesh was neutralized by one of the strongest perfumes legal for purchase. No one ever thought it was used solely for the purpose of covering up evil habits.

To break the story, I had to invite him to Morrowind for my own personal safety. I questioned him about his daily life and he gave the response everyone predicted, but I asked what really went on. He hinted at a darker side, I questioned further and he teased about his habits more and more until he let the truth slip out.

As I jotted that down, he told me to leave it out. He didn’t want his reputation ruined, but my job called for the truth. He threatened me once again to leave it out, and I whispered to him, “I know your secret, you can’t stop me.” After further conversation, he became outraged and sought to silence the threat to his enjoyment and was stopped by the Ordinators of Vivec.

So ended the Artellian who threw the best parties anywhere.

[redsrock]

Very well written, but I have a couple of qualms. One, I find it a bit awkard that Vontus would let slip such a secret so carelessly. And two, why did he not immediatly kill the reporter? Ok, nevermind that last question, but at least why did he not have someone else kill the reporter?

Last thing, are you really tring to make this sound like a news article you would find in a real life newspaper? If so I would like to make suggestions, because I was part of a newspaper at my high school for three years, and I was Sports Editor this last year, so I think I could help out in that aspect.

Of course, that is only if you really ARE trying to make it look like a real news article.

This post has been edited by redsrock: Jun 3 2008, 08:01 PM

[LeTren Thundakk]

Very well written, but I have a couple of qualms. One, I find it a bit awkard that Vontus would let slip such a secret so carelessly. And two, why did he not immediatly kill the reporter? Ok, nevermind that last question, but at least why did he not have someone else kill the reporter?

Last thing, are you really tring to make this sound like a news article you would find in a real life newspaper? If so I would like to make suggestions, because I was part of a newspaper at my high school for three years, and I was Sports Editor this last year, so I think I could help out in that aspect.

Of course, that is only if you really ARE trying to make it look like a real news article.

The slip-up - I figured I should have mentioned the drinking, but forgot it while writing. I doubt he had time to formulate a plan to kill him.

The 'news article' - Sure any suggestions would be great.

[redsrock]

The 'news article' - Sure any suggestions would be great.

In a standard news article (unless the piece is an opinion column or something of that sort) one does not typically use words like "me, I, you", etc, etc. I don't even like the use of "they" but it's not really that big of a deal. Instead, tell the story as if you are somewhat of a 'robot' enslaved and writing FOR the paper. You do not need to add yourself to the story because that is not what it is about.

Do you see where I am getting at? I know the robot-example is a little rough, but I just hope you understand the intent. I hope I was a help to you.

And like I said before, this is just speaking on American newspaper form, not TES writing. So either way you're doing just fine.

[LeTren Thundakk]

In a standard news article (unless the piece is an opinion column or something of that sort) one does not typically use words like "me, I, you", etc, etc. I don't even like the use of "they" but it's not really that big of a deal. Instead, tell the story as if you are somewhat of a 'robot' enslaved and writing FOR the paper. You do not need to add yourself to the story because that is not what it is about.

Do you see where I am getting at? I know the robot-example is a little rough, but I just hope you understand the intent. I hope I was a help to you.

And like I said before, this is just speaking on American newspaper form, not TES writing. So either way you're doing just fine.

I knew that would've been a bit of a problem. I couldn't find perfect wording for it.