Somewhere To Belong Options

[seerauna]

Prologue

I sat on the bed that I had rented for the night, staring at the roof. Oh how I wanted to be out in the trees right now, instead of in this gods-forsaken room. At I least I could get away from that annoying Argonian in the main room of Silverhome-On-The-Water.

I knew what he was after, and that’s why I was in here and not outside. I was waiting for that idiot to come down the hallway later, most likely drunk and then I could slice his throat open. Or if not, put an arrow in him. Might even make him a dying pincushion. He’d have it coming to him, if I did.

Suddenly, I heard a noise. It is him, but not as drunk like I had originally thought, and hoped. Slowly, I opened the door when the Argonian walked past, and before I could think of anything else, I released an arrow that buried itself in his throat. I walked over to his corpse and retrieved my arrow.

I smiled and walked back into my room. Looked like the assassin had just been assassinated.

I. Inn of Ill Omen

“ Where do you think we should go this time? I’ve had my eye on Bravil for awhile.” My Khajiiti partner Shen’rique asked me, startling me out of my thoughts of the incident two weeks ago. I jumped, and said reluctantly, “ I think I’d rather not go there… Let’s just say someone had marked me and I took care of it.”

Shen’rique groaned. “Please don’t tell me that was the murder in the paper. I continued looking at her, saying nothing. Shen’rique looked over at me in utter exasperation. “You just keep getting in worse and worse trouble don’t you? First you’re exiled from Valenwood and now you’ve gone and murdered someone.”

She struck a nerve when she mentioned my exile. I frowned at her. “Hey, at least it wasn’t the person who actually marked me that I killed. And the guy was Dark Brotherhood so it wasn’t really a crime. I just don’t want to show my face there in case more of the Brotherhood guys are there. And at least I didn’t get caught in some guy’s house stealing, and have to have help getting out of the dungeons in Leyawiin.” I snapped, immediately regretting it.

I knew I shouldn’t have said that, but my exile was a sensitive subject. Her face made it look like she was going to snap back, but held her tongue, like I should have done. Silence ensued. Suddenly Shen’rique’s face lit up.

“Why not go to the Imperial City? It’s huge, so the Brotherhood couldn’t find you and maybe we could even join the Thieves Guild.” I thought about it. It was a good idea. I could stay at the Waterfront mostly and move my sleeping places around the city. And Shenique and I had always wanted to join the Thieves Guild, but could never find them. Then again, we hadn’t looked in the Imperial City. There were rumors that the Waterfront was practically the Guild’s headquarters.

Now I was excited. “ That will be perfect. I hope that we can talk to the Thieves Guild at all. That is, if we can find them.” We talked it over. After about an hour of uninterrupted talk, all the while sitting on the roof of the inn, the two of us decided that we would go.

On the outside I was calm, but on the inside… Well, let’s just say I could have screamed in joy right then. “They probably have a lot of Khajiit and Bosmer join the guild. Let’s hope we can impress them.” Shen’rique said thoughtfully. “And let’s hope that we can work together too. Well, we might as well set off early. It’s a long way to the Imperial City.”

I was eager to set off, and so was Shen’rique, but first we went inside to pack our few possessions and say our farewells to the innkeeper, Manheim Maulhand, and his friend Minerva. After that, we were on our way. It was still pretty early, about 8 in the morning, and we wanted to make good time. It only took us about an hour of hard riding, passing Pell’s Gate, to make it to Old Bridge, which we jumped off of, and another half an hour of swimming to make it to the Waterfront.

When we finally made it, we were too exhausted to try and walk any farther. A man in golden Legion armor found us sitting there on the shore, dripping wet and unable to move from exhaustion. He introduced himself as Hieronymus Lex. He offered to give us some dry clothes, food, and a room at an inn for the day.

Shenique and I exchanged glances. We knew who this officer was, and also knew that we needed supplies badly. I sighed and Shenique nodded her head.

Lex helped us up and we followed him, getting some odd glances from the folk of the Waterfront. “This isn’t going to help us get into the Thieves Guild.” Shen’rique whispered to me. “We already knew that and we are going to have to deal with it. We need the things he offered us badly.” I told her, surprised that she would say something about the situation, when we both already knew all too well what it meant. She sighed and replied, “I know but, I can’t help it. But hey, we’re still going to try. No odd look from any person is going to stop us.” I smiled, because I also knew it was true. Lex continued on, none the wiser of our conversation.

This post has been edited by seerauna: Jul 25 2008, 05:11 AM

[redsrock]

I opened the door when the man walked past

Not a HUGE deal, but it would be best not to describe him as a man since he is an Argonian.

I like the story, especially because it's about a Bosmer and the Thieves Guild. The only thing I really want to say is try and work on your dialogue a bit. It's not horrible, just not 'realistic' at times. I don't know, almost to the point of where it sort of sounds robotic in a way. Like I said, it's not something that keeps me from reading the story, just a little aspect you can work on a bit. Other than ,great job, Seerauna. I like it so far...

This post has been edited by redsrock: Jul 8 2008, 06:58 PM

[Octavia]

I like the story so far, but since when is Lex such a saint? He's not usually being helpful to the people in Waterfront.

[seerauna]

Sorry about the delay! I've been away from the computer for a week and a half so I haven't gotten to write in awhile. And Redsrock, I know I'm bad with dialogue. Always have been. Anyways, here you go for anybody who is reading it.



Outside the All-Saints Inn
To say the least, I was awed by the sheer size of the city and the crowds. Shen’rique and I had never been here because of all the guards. There was too much of a risk of getting caught. But now we were here and I realized that we were in the city we had avoided, to find a guild that did the things here we so studiously avoided doing in this city. That was a bit of irony. I told Shen’rique this, and her eyes went wide.

"I have some stuff that I stole back at the inn still in my bags! What if the guards find it? It has that girl's name on it and his too." I groaned. "We have to find the guild quickly and get rid of this stuff then. Let's ask the beggars, they seen to know everything happening around where they live."

Then I remembered our soaked clothes. As if she read my mind, Shen’rique said, "Let's get some dry clothes first." Then she added, " I wouldn't turn down some food either. I'm starving."

We went inside the inn and ordered some food and ale. After we ate and changed into thankfully dry clothes, a Dunmer came up to us and handed each of us a mysterious note. It offered great riches and told us to be at the Garden of Dareloth at midnight.

Shen’rique grinned. "I think we just found our way into the Thieves Guild, Asray." I grinned back. "I think we might just have, Shen’rique. We might just have."

--------------------------------------------------------

I looked around, confused. How did I get here? I was standing in a room, by myself. That in itself was strange. I almost never went anywhere without Shen’rique.

Then I surveyed my surroundings. I gasped as I saw in one corner of the room, a body of a Khajiit! For a moment I thought it was Shen’rique. I then noticed the entirely orange tail. I breathed a sigh of relief, because Shen’rique had a black tail.

But my thoughts were interrupted by an Imperial coming into the room. There was complete fury in his eyes. Then there was no time to think and a fireball was thrown directly at me. The strength of it nearly knocked me out cold. But already another one was on its way. This time it finished the job the other one didn’t and I fell into a black abyss where there was no pain.

III. Midnight, the Garden of Dareloth
We waited in the bushes by the wall in the garden. The note could have been a trap, you could never tell.
I was distracted. Disturbed thoughts ran through my head. We had spent the day exploring the city and tried to get a little sleep. It had come easily for both of us, but hadn’t stayed for me. Dreams of something in the future that would go badly wrong haunted me. I had woken up breathing hard. I had looked over at Shen’rique to make sure she was still there.

Shen’rique’s voice brought me out of my thoughts. “Asray,” she hissed, “Did you hear what I said?” I shook my head. I had not yet told her of the dream. “I said that there are already three people here. Let’s go!”
I understood her impatience. We had been waiting for this chance a long time. I readied myself. I was nervous already and we hadn’t even spoken to anyone. I nodded to Shen’rique and stepped out into the torchlight.

This post has been edited by seerauna: Jul 30 2008, 01:31 AM

[seerauna]

I had a post here, but I didn't like it. I'm revising it now.

This post has been edited by seerauna: Sep 14 2008, 12:17 AM

[seerauna]

I'm don't like where this thread is going. I tried writing a little more but it didn't come out the way I wanted to. Sorry guys!

[treydog]

I hate to see someone abandon a story.... However, it has to work for the writer more than anything else. Just some random (and general) suggestions- can you salvage the story by stepping back and giving yourself a "do-over"? Doesn't have to be quite as overt as the infamous "Dallas" where it was "OK- so none of that whole season ever happened." Just figure where it went away from what you want.

Make use of one of an author's best tools- move forward (or backward) in time to get away from the problem area.

Worst case, leave this story behind, but save what you like and recycle it.

Finally, just kick some ideas around with some of Chorrol's writers whose style you like. Make us of PMs or even email to ask for help/suggestions.

[canis216]

I'll echo Trey's thoughts. I mostly wasn't online when you started this, but peeking at it now I see some good things. I hope you can do something with this in the future.