Ritalin, Pixie Stix(R), and Other Serious Thoughts, (Featuring: Ask a Crazy Person!) Options

[bbqplatypus]

Zgderf! I think I've discovered the meaning of life...no idea what the idea I have of what it all means is...maybe if you ask me questions I can find the meaning of life. Y'know, like: "Why are Captain Crunch's eyebrows on his hat?"*** or "How many penguin suicide bombers would it take to conquer the world?" or "Where the hell are my car keys?"

Then something or other happened somewhere in, like, France or something, and then the Enchanted Forest of Opium-Enduced Fantasy caught fire, killing all the fuzzy little animals inside.

The End.

*** Three possibilities:

Possibility #1: The 'Cap's cap is actually a hat-shaped balloon. This enables him to shave his eyebrows and glue the remaining hair together to make 2 eyebrow toupees, rubbing them against his hat/balloon to create static cling, giving him 2 eyebrows on his hat. He must shave his eyebrows every morning to prevent himself from having 4 eyebrows.

Possibility #2: Captain Crunch either does not have eyebrows or shaves them every morning. His eyebrows are actually iron filings which have been painted white, and are held to his cap with a powerful magnet hidden inside, the position of which can be manipulated by off-stage technicians, which enables him to use his eyebrows in facial expressions.

Possibility #3: The unfortunate Captain inherited a rare disorder from Mrs. Crunch's side of the family known as Blue Hat-Shaped Cranial Syndrome. While the bottom of his head is (relatively) normal, the top of his skull, due to irregular growth, takes on a shape that is very similar to the hat of a ship's captain during puberty. The stress on the skin turns it blue (except for a yellow C). His eyebrows are attached to his head in an abnormally high arch, which makes it appear that his eyebrows are attached to a "hat" that he is wearing when they are actually on his head.


However, his eyebrow abnormality can be most easily be explained by the fact that he is a FREAKING CARTOON CHARACTER!!! Give the guy a break! It's not his fault that the person who drew him had no concept of the human anatomy! Lay off him, alright?

The End...for Realses...