Shadow in Darkness, I'm trying again. Options

[Colonel Mustard]

Hey seerauna, first of all, I must say this is an intriguing story, fast-paced and very thrilling. Here's some crit for you: (I'm new so if I come across as a bit harsh it's because I was reared in the unforgiving Black Library forums, where you practically shoot insults at each other's stories like 'good mornings' ).

Believe me, he's being very nice compared to our usual standards!

Anyhoo, I do believe I commented on your old version of this, and I must say I like this one a lot too, even if it is rather different to the old one. Seeing as Illydoor has done a lot of crit anyway (read: I can't be bothered to ), I don't really have anything else to post other than this:

Keep it up!

(What's happened to that damned thumbs up smiley?)

This post has been edited by The Bean: Mar 17 2009, 09:04 PM

[seerauna]

I don't mind the crit. If I don't get any how can I grow as a writer? Thanks for the comments guys, here's the next update!




It was cold. The chill wind ruffled my fur and I shivered, pulling the cloak closer around me. It was near sunset and the cold not even near its peak. I was on the ledge of the richer side of the avenue of the Waterfront watching the Marie Elena. I wasn’t about to go on a suicide mission by going in without checking what could happen.

It seemed so far that Vincente had been right. The packaging crates seemed like the easiest way to gain access to the ship. The crew had shaped up to be spiteful and rude to whoever passed. But, in spite of their awful manner it seemed safe enough to proceed and ask around a little bit.

One member had caught my eye. She was a mer and the only female there, at least that was visible. Coming closer, I overheard her giving orders to the rest of the crew. Taking in her clothes it was obvious that despite their ragged appearance she was dressed more richly than the others. I decided that she would probably be the greatest wealth of information.

Approaching her I was unsure of how to start a conversation. The Dark Elf decided me. She turned to me with a questioning look in her eyes. I saw a glint of something else too, the cruelty that all pirates seemed to share.

“Beautiful isn’t she? The Marie Elena. Damn fine ship with a damn fine crew. I would know I’m her first mate. Malvilus is my name. So believe me when I say we don’t like people snooping around in our affairs. Or little kittens who don’t know what they’re getting themselves into,” she added contemptuously. “You get near that ship and my men will run you through.”

I almost lashed out but then carefully held my anger in check. My dangerous temper was proving repeatedly how difficult it could be. Either way a street brawl wouldn’t be a good idea right now, nor would I come out victorious. I stalked away scowling leaving the first mate with a smug look on her face.

I decided to wait for dawn when the crew was busy boarding crates and most not onboard the ship. It seemed like a proficient enough plan. I settled in for a long night of waiting.





It was just before dawn. Carefully I snuck down to the crates at the end of the docks. Finding a relatively large one I slid quietly into it. There was just enough light to see what else was in the crate.

Seeing the small white vials stirred a deep memory from when I was much younger. I looked closer to read the labels. Moonsugar. Great, absolutely perfect. It was going to be a very long wait if I had to stay in this box. I moved to the front end of the box, ready to move out of it at the first chance. But no sooner had I glanced out a member of the crew moved toward the crate I was hidden in. My mood lifted a few notches. Maybe I wouldn’t be in here for as long as I thought.

Sure enough, he lifted to grab the box. Grunting, he strained to keep it aloft. He called to one of his crewmates and they managed to get it on the ship. At least, I hoped that was what the gentle rocking motion was.

I waited what I judged was about an hour. Hopefully not many people were onboard. Slowly, I crept out from the crate. I took a deep breath of fresh, moonsugar-free air. Clean air had never tasted so good. After a few more gulps of pure air, I started to concentrate on my mission more. Some small part of me yearned to go back and grab a vial of moonsugar but I resisted, instead fully focusing on my assignment, which I should have been doing in the first place.

But why are you here in the first place? You don't belong here, Shadow. The dark, shadowy voice echoed softly in the recesses of my mind, where the lightest part of my personality lived, but rarely ever showed itself. I ignored it but knew I would pay for it later. I pushed my guilty conscience to the back of my mind to deal with later.

Moving forward at a crouch, I made my way through the bottom deck of the ship. Nearing the end my keen ears detected two men talking. I slid to a stop to wait until they returned above ship. When the conversation ended footsteps headed my way. Damnit! I should have known the ladder to the top deck would be behind me. Seeking shelter I desperately ran into the room across from me, hoping they wouldn’t come in. Sighing in relief, I monitored their footsteps go near the room then farther down the deck. I only allowed myself to peek out when several minutes had passed with no noise.

Sure there was nothing, I quietly walked out and around to where they had been standing talking. There was a ladder at the far end of the small room. Peering up, I saw the words “Captain’s Cabin” carved into the trapdoor that it led to. Finally, I had found Gaston Tussaud.

Creeping quietly up the ladder I pushed up on the trapdoor hoping that it made no noise. When I discovered it was obviously oiled regularly, I emerged fully into the cabin, thanking whatever gods there might be.

He was sleeping, however impossible it seemed. Guess it was time to put my Blade of Woe to use then. Sneaking up to him I pulled out the small ebony dagger. After making sure the edge was sharp, I slit his throat. The movement reminded me of my murder of Rufio. Repressing them, I moved them to the darkest corner of my mind to try to forget them. Most likely that wasn’t goin to happen.

A loud banging at the door startled me badly, but I managed not to jump. “Captain! Captain, are you okay? We’re coming in!” At the mention of the crew coming in, I sought safety, spying another door, probably to the balcony Teinaava had spoken of. Grabbing the key from Tussaud’s coat pocket, I opened the door and fled to safety.

Breathing harshly from my close escape, I pushed myself as close to the edge of the boat as was possible. When none of the crew was looking, I leaped, landing on the sandy shore clear of the water. I allowed myself a small grin. I had finished the contract and it was barely past ten. Time to return to Vincente.

But before I could, the no longer smug First Mate gave me a menacing look and I found myself suddenly surrounded by at least a dozen crewmates. Each one had a curved sword drawn and pointed straight at me. “I told you not to set foot on this ship,” Malvilus growled, emerging from the crowd of sailors. “But you did anyways. Men,” she addressed the crew around her, “finish her.” Then, uncaringly she stalked away, leaving me to my most likely disastrous fate.

“So little kitty, what will it be? Should we make it quick, or should we take you to the mid deck and skin you? I think we should make it long and painful. We should make you suffer ten times as much as the Captain did.” One man suggested cruelly. Another yelled in agreement to his painful theory. This was not looking good.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a guard. Never had I ever been so thankful for one’s presence. He was walking quickly, almost running, toward the armed circle. “Hey, get away from her! Put your swords away and no one will get hurt.” He said calmly. I thought I might actually get away from this unscathed. The sailors gave me a reluctant glance but put their swords away.

At a motion from the guard I stepped through the ring of sailors quickly, apprehensive of the slightest movement that could signal my death. After I made it through, the guard nodded to me and I took off, wary of any lethal pursuit. I only relaxed after I made it to the poorer side of the Waterfront and was able to fully escape. I took a deep breath of air to calm myself. Now, I could go see Vincente.

This post has been edited by seerauna: Apr 20 2009, 01:07 AM

[Colonel Mustard]

Not a bad part, but a question.

Shadow goes and kills Gaston, then gets out of the ship. If she got off the ship, how the hell does she suddenly get back on it to be surrounded by the crew and the first mate?

Something about that suggest some serious messing about with causality.

[seerauna]

She's not on the ship, she's on the beach by the walkway. She had jumped onto the shore from the balcony, but then the crew surrounds her because she lets her guard down. She might have been seen *hint hint* when she left the cabin.

[Colonel Mustard]

Ah right.

Still, it would be cool if she could manipulate time and space, and it manifests itself in holes in causality around her.

Actually, scrap that idea, I'm using it for Oblivious.

[seerauna]

Sorry for not posting on this in awhile guys! My friend had my Oblivion cd and I just got it back yesterday. Aaanyways here's the next update, hope you enjoy it.




On my arrival back at the Sanctuary, I was met by an overly happy Vincente. I sighed heavily; I didn’t like excessively cheerful people. “So,” he began, clapping his hands together, “the pirate is eliminated. Excellent. No one will mourn his passing, and Sithis is appeased. Please accept this Black Band as your reward. It is quite useful to those who value...discretion.”

I slipped it on and found that when I did I immediately felt more comfortable in my light as a feather Brotherhood armor and stronger, more resistant to all kinds of magicka.

The vampire Breton looked after me with a slightly annoyed expression as I walked away with barely a word, only a whispered ‘thank you’.

Knowing that taking another contract could be disastrous to my emotional and mental health I decided to read one of my newly found books. About halfway through A Game at Dinner, I felt a light tap of a claw on my shoulder. Twisting a little bit to see over my shoulder I found Teinaava standing there.

“You look very absorbed with that book. What is it?” He asked going over to the other chair to sit down.

“A Game at Dinner.” I replied after a moment’s hesitation. Who cared whether he knew or not?

“An interesting book, Shadow. You’ll like the ending.” He told me and I frowned slightly; I didn’t like the ending of a good book being given away. Seeing my expression, he laughed. “Oh don’t worry, I won’t give away the ending, I don’t like it when that happens either.” A kindred spirit then? I asked myself. Maybe, it seemed I had more in common with someone of a race I usually didn’t care for-and an assassin at that-than some of my own kind. “Plus,” he added, “I don’t want to do anything that could get me hurt. With a temper that scares Lucien, I don’t think doing something that could make you mad would be the best idea.”

I stared at him dumbfounded. Lucien thought that my temper was scary? That’s enough to make anyone proud. I didn’t let Teinaava see how strange I thought it was but I wondered at it for a moment. “What do you think of Lucien? We didn’t get along too well when we met.” I admitted.

Teinaava’s eyes glinted with something unreadable, then the look vanished replaced by warm amusement. “Yes he said something of that. But Ocheeva and I have known each other since we were hatchlings. He is the one who trained us in the way of the Shadowscale, and is like a father to us. I hope he becomes something like that you.”

I shrugged at his statement about Lucien being like a father to me one day. I didn’t see it happening anytime soon. “Shadowscale? Sounds familiar for some reason.”

“I can’t see why. In the Argonian homeland of the Black Marsh, those born under the sign of the Shadow are taken at birth and given to the Dark Brotherhood.” Strange, if I had been an Argonian I would’ve been accustomed to this lifestyle since my kittenhood, or the hatchling stage I guess.

“A Shadowscale hatchling is trained in the art of stealth and assassination, and lives a life of service to the mighty kingdom of Argonia. A Shadowscale who lives to come of age is accepted into the Dark Brotherhood as a full member of the family. So it was with myself, and Ocheeva.” He finished his explanation, and waited sat back in his seat a little more comfortably.

“That sounds amazing. How ironic that my sign is the Shadow.” I smiled faintly although my friend’s statement about living to come of age made me shiver a tiny bit.


“As is your name.” He acknowledged. I nodded to his observation and yawned. I realized I hadn’t slept for nearing twenty-four hours. “You must be exhausted, I’m sorry for keeping you from your bed.” He apologized hurriedly.

“It’s fine, I hadn’t realized how tired I was till now.” I reassured him quickly. Gathering my book and the bag next to my chair and went into the living quarters. Finding a bed I quickly set my bag next to it and laid on it, fully clothed in my armor, and fell gratefully into the welcome abyss of dreamless sleep.