Living Hell, A poem by me. Options

[contureh]

A Living Hell


The Waters of Oblivion begin to swell

Opening a portal to living Hell.

The adventurer enters the fiery red gate

Unbeknownst that his will decides his fate.

Before his eyes lay a desolate scape

The death and demons of the Deadlands making him gape.

A Daedroth charged lashing its clawed fist out

Causing the adventurer to writhe and shout.

The Daedroth attempted another attack but failed

This time finding itself, by a sword, impaled.

The adventurer continued, strengthened but worried

Behind him irritated, dangerous Scamps scurried.

Rushing into a dark ancient spire

Greeting him is a blazing column of fire.

A Dremora swung his blade

Fortunately it was a swing he was able to evade.

Soon his sword and its flesh met

Quickly neutralizing the enemy threat.

The adventurer continued up the tower

At the top a Xivilai stared at him with a glower.

The Xivilai charged using its sword like a spear

He shouldered him into the inferno and its skin began to sear.

The Xivilai burst into flames and blazed

Leaving the adventurer blinded and dazed.

The adventurer peered at the black pulsating stone

Only then did he realize that he was alone.

As he grabbed it the Spire began to fall apart

From the damned place he was to depart.

The Waters of Oblivion fell

Closing a portal to living Hell.

[Colonel Mustard]

Nice ballad Contureh-short and to the point, and with a few good pieces of imagery in there. However, some of the lines don't really fit with the poem's rythm, such as 'the death and daemons of the deadlands making him gape.' However, if you just read it aloud to yourself, you ought to be able to sort out those glitches.

[contureh]

Yeah. Some of those long lines don't sound to good.

[Olen]

Yup, a nice ballad. I echo what's said above, some lines didn't fit the meter well enough (at least in my opinion). Also certain word choices seemed a little strange, 'neutralised' in particular.

But its good to see people doing poetry here, I might even have to have a shot.