Burning Today Options

[Winter Wolf]

Awesome write. How typical that even after all possible variables have been thought of, still a flaming torch on the ground can bring everything undone? Very realistic.

I must duck back to the start on this story. Please excuse.

[SubRosa]

I started reading from the first post, and still have quite a bit to go before catching up, but I just wanted to say that it is quite good! You really paint a vile, disgusting image of the dive Firen is staying in at the beginning.

I really enjoyed this metahpor:
Like a creeping glacier memories returned,

I have not read the story this is a continuation of yet, but so far I am keeping up on what is going on. Looks like I will want to go back and check it out anyway though!

[Acadian]

WooHoo! What's not to like? First person account, good dialogue and descriptions, action. . . .

Not sure on the bowstring. My girl uses silk to avoid stretching when wet. Costs a bit more, but worth it shethinks. Have you found a better TES-friendly alternative? Excellent detail.

[mALX]

I have to catch up still, but I got such a kick out of your descriptions that I had to stop and post! I swear you have to have been some of these places! Awesome Write so far!

[Destri Melarg]

As the others have said, I just started reading this. In fact I have just finished Ch. 3: Finding the Scent and Firen's interrogation of Big Dalam. I was going to suspend any comment until I am fully caught up, but that chapter and this story are just too good for me not to say something.

I hope your description of the nature of a 'bender' is not drawn from personal experience. Most writers would not have been able to capture the squalor and self-loathing that always attends such an enterprise. The fact that you nailed both causes me to extend my deepest sympathy, even as I chomp at the bit to go back and read more.

[Olen]

Woo lots of comments. Thanks for the kind words, as far as individual reponses go...

Bowstrings... well I don't think UHDPE/kevlar blends is very lore friendly so I've no idea. Just stuck it in as a throw away comment to add some depth really.

Descriptions - I been to a fair few places so I just combine aspects of them to make settings. The moorland south of Firewatch was based on a the landscape of where I grew up and the 'feel' of the eastern Himalaya's. The variety of pubs he passes though are all based on a few real places which shall remain nameless.

And Destri - I can assure you I'm not that bad. Self-loathing is never an activity I've bothered with.

And without further ado another part:


25. Luck of the Bold

We stood a moment in the shadows behind the store catching our breath. The corpses lay in a heap next to us. I found it comforting that Keel-ha was as unceremonious with the dead as I, it spoke of experience and confidence. The sounds from the compound were already slightly to loud, no alarm was raised yet but clearly something was wrong. Maybe some people were being missed, or some piece of sabotage had been noticed.

"That took longer than I'd hoped. There's not time for you to cover me, you'll have to make ready alone. Looks like I'd best see what I can do in the guardhouse."

Keel-ha half nodded agreement and half shook his head in disbelief, "You're mad trying this. If it goes wrong they'll cut you to bits, I won't be able to do anything to help."

I gave him a grin, "Then let us hope that it goes well."

He snorted.

"Fortune favours the bold. And be ready to call havoc," I said. He vanished into the night without replying. I brushed myself down then stood at my straightest and walked round the side of the store.

The north of the compound was a large courtyard with the store taking one side. The manor stood opposite and to my right the narrow gate and guardhouse. Opposite the guardhouse squatted a hodgepodge of retainers houses, a smith and trader and some formal gardens full of faintly luminescent blue fungi. I forced my glance to be casual while I took in all I could and carried on walking as if I had every right to be there. Some wizards can make themselves invisible, but just looking as if you're meant to be wherever you are people don't look. In many ways it's better.

I turned and walked past a couple of traders who were discussing prices with a bottle of some wine, fungus based as likely as not given the tendencies of the Dres, I didn't give them a second glance and they ignored me. There were a couple of people running around which struck me as odd, if they were looking for someone, who by now would be dead, then they might actually bother to see me. I tried to look both preoccupied and in a foul humour while keeping my pace even. I would be fine though, it was working just as well as I'd hoped. Then I was at the guardhouse, the first part of the deception complete. Now was the risky part, I was going to have to play it by ear. My plan was to pose as a shady character in business with the captain. With luck he would be involved in something, it was more than likely, and with more luck I'd manage to stall things. I didn't dare pause long so put my hand on the door handle and pushed. The creak of the door mirrored my strained nerve. I stepped in.

The guard room was spartan. A scarred table sat in the centre with the remains of some food on it, three armoured dunmer sat playing cards. They looked up as I entered.

"Who the hell are you?" asked the nearest.

"Who's in charge of the guard here?" I hoped my voice sounded more confident than I felt.

"Nels Illren, he's upstairs in his room. Why do you need to see him?" the dunmer scrutinised me closely.

I gave an insincere smile, "I represent, ahem, certain... business associates of you captain. I am here to discuss certain matters with him."

The guard looked unsure, "He doesn't like to be disturbed."

"He will like it even less if I am delayed I assure you. He is expecting me, though not for a couple of days yet. I have come a considerable distance and at speed. I would speak with him now."

"But-"

"If he is unhappy I assure you I will take full responsibility. However these matters are most private in nature and I would not want to be the person who disturbed us. Am I understood?"

He nodded. The idiot actually accepted it. I could scarce believe someone could be so used to taking orders that they would take them from a stranger with nothing to back them up. Not even the legion was that bad. I had a feeling I would enjoy my time with the captain.

"Which room?"

"Upstairs, end of the corridor. The first three are sleeping quarters for the rest of us and the handlers."

I turned away and walked regally up the stairs. They continued their card game.

Except for a shelf of well thumbed arms manuals the corridor was as bare as the room below. I opened one and tore out the flyleaf and folded it. Three reinforced doors lead off it and a fourth faced me at the end, I made towards the latter. When I reached the first of the doors to the guards' quarters I noticed was locked on the outside with a padlock through a heavy bolt. I allowed myself a grin, they must have three watches, it made sense, and each watch had their own quarters. That would mean they wouldn't disturb the others' sleep. I hurried to the second. It also meant that if I shot the bolt on the outside the guards inside wouldn't be going anywhere fast. I looked both ways then tested the heavy iron lock. It was well used and silent. I eased it home walked to the next and did the same. That stroke of luck was unexpected, but most welcome.

When I reached the final door I knocked sharply. There was no reply so I knocked again and pushed the door open. The lavish room was in sharp contrast to the rest of the guardhouse, at a desk by one wall a heavyset dunmer sat bare chested looking at a book. He looked up in surprise, "Who the hell are you? Get out."

I coughed gently and smeared insincere nicety on my words, "I represent a certain group of businessmen... Ah good I see my visit wasn't wholly unexpected." I didn't but the initiative was mine so I took it.

"I don't know what-"

"Now Nels, don't be like that."

"I'll have the money," he blurted, "I can get you it but I need some of the goods first. To raise it. I have buyers who'll pay well."

I nodded slowly, "That, I'm afraid, is not for me to decide or know. I was to give you a letter, I don't know what it is but he said you'd understand." I pulled the folded paper from my shirt and walked behind him. I glanced at his book and for a moment paused. Somehow he'd got a copy of Boethia's Pillow Book. I glanced at the picture but couldn't quite believe what I was looking at. I've never seen ash-yams in quite the same way since.

I pushed the book aside and put the paper in its place then stepped back with my arms respectfully crossed. And my hand on my sword. He leant forward and started to open the paper. His hands shook slightly and I wandered who he was in deep with. All his concentration was on the scrap where he expected to find something. Hope? Salvation? Who knows. He didn't hear me draw my sword and was too intent on puzzling the scrap to even notice as I sliced it across his neck. He dropped over spurting blood. I took the blank paper, refolded it and put it in my pocket. I was sorely tempted to take the book too but decided that it wouldn't survive the damp and travel.

I left the corpse and had a look around the room. There was some armour, the quality looked decent but it was in the Dres style and, even had it been practical to steal it, I didn't want it. His weapons were no better though there was a nice dagger. I wouldn't normally use one but the trick I'd just pulled with the sword had been risky so I strapped it to my side. I also took a travel bag and some beautifully made, if extravagantly coloured, clothes and the money I found in a box under his bed.

My takings, for I didn't really view it as theft, complete I returned down the stairs. The same guard looked up from his card game. "Don't disturb him," I warned and continued towards the door.

Before I got to it another guard burst in. "There's been two murders!" he said breathlessly, "Veril and Samethi were both found with their throats cut and other people seem to be missing."

"Who was this?" said the guard, I decided he was the deputy.

"We don't know."

"I'll get the captain."

"I wouldn't do that," I said, "It's probably just a slave got a knife and managed to hide. Just root him out."

"How do you know, it looked too well executed for that scum. Too clinical."

"What's it going to be," I pumped every bit of scorn I could into my voice, "A raid? They're common around here aren't they? There must have been what... none in the last few decades. Now stop nattering like an old hen and go and search. You and you," I pointed at the other two card players, "Take two guards from patrols near the manor and take a quarter of the slaves each. There's no risk so do it alone, it'll be faster. You," I pointed to the newcomer, "Go and search for clues, try to find wherever he's hiding but do it quietly or you'll cause panic and there's a risk he'll slip away in the chaos." Another pair of guards emerged from the back room to see what the noise was about.

The deputy looked at them and drew himself up. "Who gave you control. I say we ask the captain so we do."

"You really don't want to be the first thing he sees just now. I'm not saying don't, just that I wouldn't want to be the one who goes up."

The deputy looked unsure but then said to the other two at the table, "Okay go and see to the slaves," they got up and left. He paused, "I'm not sure about this."

"I'll help you, go out and put round the order than all the guards are to go individually but quietly to find this rouge," I said. Divide and conquer, I thought.

"Do it," said the deputy to one of the newcomers, "I still think we should go and see the captain. It's murder. He needs to know."

"I don't think he liked the news I gave him," I said, "It will be another murder if you see him now, he has quite a temper," I saw in the mer's eyes that I was right, "but don't let me stop you."

It might have worked too but just then there was an almighty thumping from upstairs. One of the other watches had realised it was locked in.

"You pair with me," I shouted and ran out into the night. I had seconds at best but most of the damage was done, the patrols would soon be in disarray. I turned to find that one guard had followed. "Is that a lizard death mark?" I asked pointing at a blank bit of wall.

He turned to scrutinise it and I slipped the commander's dagger between his ribs. I was away before he hit the ground. I ran towards the retainer's housing. There would be places to hide there. I glanced back and saw some guards burst from the guardhouse. An arrow took the first in the chest. They barely had time to react before a second ricocheted off a helmet and inside. Keel-ha. It was good to have him at my back, I quickly scanned the dark houses trying to work out where he was firing from. It was useless so I ran on into the tangle of buildings. The retainers seemed to have grown their section without even a nod to planning. Mainly the houses had the white plaster and flat roofs in Dres style but some were just cheaply built shacks, others had two stories. What looked like an early attempt at a street had since been built on resulting in a snarl of paths. Maybe twenty buildings in all. I made for the smithy, the forge would be deserted by now and let me plan what to do next. Pick off and wandering guards probably. I jumped the wall neatly and landed in an untended garden. The forge was just a lean-to but I crouched in its shade anyway.

I hadn't caught my breath when a noise rose from across the river. Other than the occasional shout I couldn't work out what it was, just the sound of people moving. Lots of people. Surely they hadn't already released the slaves, it was too early, too risky, even for this mad plot. Then a bell was clamouring alarm at the night. The shouts increased. I caught the word havoc repeated. It was too early.

But it was also done. I stood and shouted the word twice as loud as I could then turned to the forge. There were still embers, I took a shovel and hefted them at the thatch of an adjacent hut. There was a barrel of quenching oil too so I tipped it onto the forge for good measure before jumping back into the street.

The sack had begun.

[Remko]

I got to chapter 10 and I love it! The character (still didn't get his name) is some piece of work! I am making it my task reading through it this weekend.

[haute ecole rider]

Well. I'm all caught up now on this thread (haven't read Yesterday's Shadow yet), and I find it to be my kind of story - dark, gritty, realistic (as realistic as you can get in a fantasy world).

Very well written. And the protagonist is a fascinating man. Makes me want to read more. I'm rooting for him to find Varnan!

[mALX]

As for the pubs, I could swear you had been in some of the "Gun and Knife" clubs in ETN on reading this! Awesome Write!

[SubRosa]

I am still working my way through. I love the really rough, gritty style you have. You make Bogart look like a lightweight!

I found a few odd word choices in chapter 3. I think these are the result of the forum's swear filter? I seem to recall seeing someone say that it changes out swear words with other, random ones.

"You hamster cave n'wah.

"You piece of compassion.

"Okay. You win. compassion."

[Olen]

Hmm, missed that, but it's sorted now. Along with another hamster on page two. I'm guessing I posted the wrong version for chapter three as the way I wrote this was how I thought it should be then worked on that one. It then gets censored and sometimes toned down for posting (which also explains occasionally clumsy dialogue) so presumably I posted the original there...

@Remko, yea I fail to include his name often, it's there somewhere near the beginning but to save you looking through it's Firen.

@haute, good effort in catching up theres a fair bit of it posted now. I'm glad you like him and like the atmosphere, I was going for the 'realistic' option which more or less implies dark and gritty, I think the original concept which spawned the character and both stories was how messed up and/or unpleasant anyone who joined the fighters guild would be.

@mALX, no idea what ETN means in this context but glad you like it.

@SubRosa, cheers for pointing those out, unfortunately the rude word filter here is a bit crazy and I tend to miss them (and it has a different definition of which words are rude than I do). I try to avoid using things like "[censored]" (I typed that as is) because they do bad things to the flow. Again glad you're liking it.

Cheers for the comments, I'll put up another part either this evening or tomorrow.

[Destri Melarg]

Just passed chapter 11 now. Firen is an incredibly well-rendered character. His self-loathing almost, but not quite, obscures the fundamental nobility of his soul. I really do need to go back and read Yesterday's Shadow, not because I am having a hard time following the plot, but if only for a glimpse of Firen before the events that so thoroughly changed him.

[SubRosa]

I am up to Chapter 21 now. I am not sure if it is your intent, but Firen's journey south reminds me of the journey upriver in Heart of Darkness. Every step of the way we see him slowly sink lower and lower into the pit of inhumanity. Against the backdop of his tainted soul we also view the handiwork of Renera, who makes Firen's acts of torture and murder pale in comparison. You paint a very powerful picture of the darkness of human nature.

Yet there is still some bit of decency buried deep within Firen. Hence his guilt. His attempt to escape his own darkness by letting the highwayman go. Most of all, his need to blind the eyes of his conscience in a sea of drugs and alcohol. He is not a sociopath. Which makes him a much more interesting character.

Expertly done.

The horror, the horror!

This post has been edited by SubRosa: Mar 23 2010, 12:03 AM

[Olen]

I've never read Heart of Darkness so that wasn't an intention though it is quite probably that I was influenced by similar works which may themselves have been influenced by it. And I'm glad people like (if that's the word) Firen, I wanted more ambiguity in my character than is sometimes seen.

This chapter was very hard to get right. It's quite long and I think I have it in the right form now. It's an important one in the story and needed to make its point without being too dark or brutal and thus needed heavy editing. As there is nothing actually graphic in it I think it's ok, however it is dark.


26. Past Decision

The residents of that plantation got a foretaste of the hell we sent them to. Even as I leapt the smithy wall the south was lit by fires. The call of havoc was out and though removed from the violence of the sack I felt it rise within me. The bell was my main target, not that silencing it now would be any actual use, but it was a symbol and any resistance would fall silent with it. A mer burst from his house and almost into me, I ran him through without breaking step. Keel-ha no longer fired on the guardhouse but the damage was done, the survivors were wounded or just confused. Without the leader they had ground to a halt. The oil on the forge caught with a mighty rush of air and suddenly light blazed behind me. A guard rose a hand and pointed. I charged him with an argonian warcry. He shrank from the black silhouette which bore down on him. A fatal mistake. Before his comrades could close on me I wheeled away into the shadows by the side of the manor. Let them follow. The havoc was a rabid fire in me. A madness.

The bell tolled like a panicked heart. I ran for the gantry by the river where it hung. Footsteps behind me. I ran. They gained. I flung myself round the corner at the southern wall, turned and put out my sword. He ran straight into it. The mer had been so fast because he was only half armoured. The blow which had been meant to surprise was fatal. Or at least sufficiently crippling that someone would kill him soon. I ignored his screams and ran on. The bell was directly before me now, a shadow on the glow coming from the south bank. Some guards had congregated there, I counted four, near half the number left in the compound I guessed. Their eyes were fixed south, to what I could not see. I would strike as before: fast and devastating before disappearing. If one or two gave chase - divide and kill.

Just before I made the leap I heard the thunk of an arrow hitting flesh. One guard toppled. Then I was on the gantry, I hit the first from behind. A massive blow which drove my sword clean through him. The other two turned, a dead comrade on either side. I yanked the sword. It was jammed. The first came at me. I ducked back and pulled my new knife then backed away, hoping for another arrow.

There was no intervention, but like most of the camp he was unprofessional and clearly had spent more time drilling than actually fighting. His sword licked out and I batted it away. Then his shoulder went back for a big strike. I darted forward and cut him. A lightning slash across his face. He screamed and staggered back. The other got round him and ran at me but the bell had stopped, the ringer either fled or dealing with the wounded guard. I screamed havoc again, the word bit my raw throat. Then simply stepped back off the gantry. I judged the drop perfectly and slipped away. A moment later I heard another thunk of arrow meeting flesh. I paused for breath and looked at the south bank. I could see why the guards had been transfixed, a mass of newly freed slaves milled around looking confused. Some had set fires and torn down shacks, a long shed blazed merrily by a threshing pool on the riverside. The light of arson glittered on the turgid water. To my left a group were fording the river, I ran to meet them.

The first slave out of the river went for me before I heard a rough voice shout 'wait' in argonian. Grey-tail emerged from the pool like a dark nightmare, stinking mud clung to his scaled back.

"How's things south of the river?" I asked.

"We won," he was elated, blood drunk, "All the Dres are dead and their buildings burn," he swept a hand expansively, "On this side?"

"The guard is mainly dead, and the rest is in disarray. Their leader's dead."

"You?"

"In part," I paused, "The retainers section burns but is yet to be seen to and I didn't dare try the manor alone."

"Don't bother with the retainers, I sent Tehei and Kieras with some of our more able brethren to sort them out. Hides went to find Keel-ha I think, doubtless they'll be finishing off the guard or retainers from the shadows."

"What about Hassde?"

A laugh came from my right, "It's good to be missed. I'm here human. A fine plan you hatched and no mistake." He shouted something at the slaves who had crossed with them, I think I caught he word fire, or perhaps light. I could guess the rest. "Now lets take a look at this manor." I could hear his grin.

The manor was barricaded, if any guards remained they were within it along with the nobles. The noise of the sack clamoured in the night. Screams and the scent of burning timber, and worse, drifted from the retainers' quarter. We walked round the front and I saw the inferno it had become. The slaves ran wild killing and destroying like spectres. Who could blame them? But their weapons were simple and their former masters were putting up some fight. Half the corpses were argonian, but the weight of the numbers and rage was slowly crushing the opposition. I took a moment to wander at what would likely happen to them. Was this the end of our foray? Had my huge success ruined my chances? The thoughts and sight of the confused slaves' butchery sat ill with my mood so I turned from both to the manor. A tangle of fine furniture and crates blocked the windows, the door was shut and doubtless likewise barricaded.

"Is there another door?" asked Hassde.

"Oddly no, apparently the servants used the main door," I replied, "Looks like getting in could be hard."

"What about to the roof?" asked Grey-tail.

I was about to ask how the hell I would know when I remembered seeing the nobles drinking up there. "Yes... There must be. Reckon its climbable?"

"To us? Not a chance, but maybe Keel-ha or Hides would be able to..." He waved one hand and beckoned with the other, "Copy me, if they see it they should come."

I felt stupid doing it but settled my ego with the promise that if this was a joke I'd rip the old lizard to shreds. A few moments later Hides appeared with Keel-ha in tow.

"We need to get onto the roof," I said.

They pondered for a moment. It was Keel-ha who spoke, "I could climb it, but how would you follow? Unless I opened another door once inside."

"I don't like it," said Hides, "I don't want to get stuck in there. Do we know how many are inside?" She had barked the knuckles of her right hand. A bit of blood dribbled down onto the hilt of her dagger.

"No it's not good," said Keel-ha, "What about the balcony bit round the other side. It's lower..."

"Take a look at the wall there then," I said. I hadn't noticed and, though I had a reasonable excuse, I didn't want to admit it.

It was lower, and a scented plant grew up to it. In itself this was no use for climbing, but it had been trained over a trellis so they might have well have left us a ladder. I didn't break step as I grabbed it and hauled myself up. At the top was a party just left. Bubbles still danced in the glasses imported wine, a tray of sweetmeats sat on a table by a toppled chair. I took one and looked at the door while the others climbed. It was wide and had the hinges on the outside. It was a simple matter to remove it and, unless it was heavily blocked, which I doubted, we'd be in. Already I could hear hammers and axes of the newly freed slaves at the main door. That would keep the guard occupied. I went over to the hinges and pulled my knife. A simple pin held them together, break the top off and it would thread out the bottom. I pushed the edge of the blade in.

And stopped. I knew what I was letting in by opening this door. Death. Pain. Horror. As far as the owner and any guards were concerned I couldn't care less, they'd made their choice. But what of the others, how would the servants suffer? Or even the owner's woman, yes she was most likely a shallow greedy creature but did she deserve to see herself made a widow in whatever way the argonians chose to? I knew full well what I was about to unleash. But only the gods knew if it was the right thing.

"Firen?" a voice from behind me.

I levered the knife and the top of the pin popped off. I'd made my choice already. Even if I hadn't realised it. And it was necessary that I show no hesitation if I was to influence their plan further south. A sharp pull unhinged the door, it fell forwards pulling the other from the wall and my four companions charged in.

***

We were a storm of black madness scything through the inhabitants. There was no method, no strategy beyond massacre. A couple of guards stood their ground only to be washed away in a red tide. After that they ran. Hides went to pull apart the barricade over the main door while the rest of us went back up the stair in search of more quarry. I went slightly behind, the bloodlust was in me, but not enough for what was happening. Grey-tail lashed out at a fine vase which shattered on the polished floor. To my other side Hassde hacked the head from the corpse of a noblewoman. Blood spattered leaving a darker hue in the wooden boards.

Further along the second floor a servant leapt out in front of us and ran. An arrow flashed from Keel-ha's bow. She collapsed, dead. I looked to him in shock.

"What did you do that for?"

"She was Dres," he looked at me as if I was mad.

"She was a servant, nothing more."

Grey-tail was staring at me now, I could see veiled hostility, "She served them, she was with them. We came here to kill them. All of them." I didn't reply. Ahead was the door to the private quarters. A single blow from Hassde's falchion shattered it.

They cowered in the master bedroom. The lord, his wife and both their children. Two servants huddled with them behind the bed, their hollow eyes stared. But for all their terror they were not as empty as Grey-tail's laugh. It echoed like the harsh knell of a cracked bell. The humour of nihilism. I think it was only then that I realised that whatever horrors my comrades had faced at Dres hands had gone further than forge a hatred. It had broken their souls.

They advanced, I followed. The smell of piss came from the cornered dunmer. I could see how this was going, but to oppose was too much. There was no grey in their world, just two sides. To do anything now would undo everything. I held my piece. Keel-ha put away his bow and pulled a belt knife.

I have no wish to recall the following minutes though I doubt they will ever truly stop haunting me. It doesn't matter if gods, morals or justice were on our side, there is a special place in hell for what happened in that room. I stood and watched, and perhaps that is somehow worse, knowing that, unlike my companions, I could still see right and wrong, but yet did nothing. The blood. The screams. The terrible certainty of it as each, in turn, watched their coming fate in glorious sanguine detail enacted on their loved ones. I stayed back, stockpiling nightmares, until the end.

Keel-ha rose from the penultimate corpse and wiped the blood from his belt-knife. "Firen," he said, "You're yet to join the vengeance."

"It is yours," I answered. The other two stood.

"No," said Grey-tail, "It is yours." The menace was still in his voice.

The nobles wife looked up from the remnants of her husband. Her eyes were tear-stained and shocked. "A clean end would suffice," I said.

Hassde walked up to me, "Like the clean end they give to hundreds of slaves? The clean justice they would extend to us? There are two sides in this fight. Are you for or against us?"

Black and white. A pure hate where neither side knew grey. They looked at me, their eyes windows to stone souls beneath. For or against? Right or wrong? Yes or no? Was it better to lose all I'd gained or to sell the last of my principals, to barter moral right for the desired end? There was no choice really. Perhaps if I'd been asked in Firewatch but now I'd come too far. Always just too far. I would do what had to be done. For Varnan. If this was all the means I had then I would seize them. I stepped forward. The nobles wife cowered away. She stared at me through raw red eyes I could not meet. I pulled my knife and carved myself a place within the group.

[haute ecole rider]

This is a hard chapter to write, I can see that . . .

Yet that makes it all the more powerful, in raising the eternal question, does the end justify the means? It's a question that can never really be answered satisfactorily.

Well done, again. Though Firen is flawed, and quite badly at that, I still like him, and want to read more of his story. The fact that he still has a conscience sits very well with me.

[mALX]

What Hauty said, and I'd like to add that your writing comes across as so natural that it feels like being there and seeing/hearing the events as they take place, knowing the characters - Awesome Writing!

[Destri Melarg]

Okay I’m all caught up.

Impressions: First, the writing. You have an admirable command of description and mood that seems to perfectly fit the tone of your story. Some of your descriptive passages are so right that one feels compelled to go back and read them again for emphasis.

My only peace of advice to you in terms of the actual writing is to not become too reliant on the spell checker. Too many times it will miss words that are spelled correctly but have no place in the context of the story. The repetition of ‘wander’ for ‘wonder’ has already been brought to your attention, but I also found this repeated in ‘that’ for ‘than’, ‘rise’ for ‘raise’, and ‘though’ for through’. These are all cosmetic considerations and they by no means take away from the overall quality of your writing, just something to remain mindful of.

Now the character: Firen resists easy classification. On the one hand I suppose that he could be considered a sociopath, especially after his actions at Firewatch. However, the classic definition:

Sociopath – n. A person whose behavior is antisocial and lacks a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience.

doesn’t really apply to Firen. He repeatedly shows a sense of moral responsibility. His unwillingness to kill the highwayman bears this out, as does his feeling of disgust over what he feels that he has become.

We can’t really call him a psychopath either:

Psychopath – n. A person with an anti-social personality disorder, manifested in aggressive, perverted, criminal, or amoral behavior without empathy or remorse.

Firen’s self loathing which he hides in skooma addiction, and his revulsion at the idea of killing the noble Dres family at the plantation mark him as a man with both empathy and remorse.

In the end he reminds me of the type of character made famous by the late great Jim Thompson: A character filled with rage, self loathing, and moral ambiguity. A hunter turned hunted, hell-bent on his own destruction. Yet determined to sort through the rubble of a world crumbling all around him for some sense of absolution for a guilt that is never truly defined (I guess I really do need to go back and read Yesterday’s Shadow).

All in all I found myself falling further into this world that you have presented with each new chapter. Though I’m not sure that I even like Firen, I root for him and want him to succeed. I think that is the goal of any good writer, and you are definitely that.

[Remko]

I just finished the last chapter and all I can say is: Wow!

I truly admire how you protrait a S.O.B. and still manage to make him endearing in a way.
AWESOME!

[SubRosa]

I am finally caught up. Whew! You certainly know how to write an anti-hero. Firen is certainly dark, yet you give him the depth needed to prevent him from being a cardboard monster. We see him as human as anyone. It is just the things he does that are often monstrous. In some ways he reminds me of Clint Eastwood's character in Unforgiven, and that great line of his: "We've all got it coming."

The mood of the entire piece really underscores the darkness of Firen's character. There are no good guys and bad guys. Just worse guys and worse guys.

All in all, it is very well done.

Destri already noted what I was going to say about the misspellings, or in a few cases missing words. What I can add in the way of criticism is that after reading all 26 chapters I really know very little about Firen physically. I know he is male, and some brand of human. But that is about all. I do not know his race. I have no idea what his hair or eye color is. If he has a beard. Things like that. Perhaps you could show us some of that here and there. Not an infodump, just in occasional things like someone calling him an Imperial rather than a human, etc...


About Heart of Darkness, it is a very old novel (about a century I believe). As its name suggests, it is pretty dark. As the main character travels upriver in Africa, he comes across greater and greater scenes of horror and in simply madness. You may be familiar with its most famous adaptation - Apocalypse Now - which although transplanted from Africa to the Vietnam War, keeps the same theme of growing darkness.

This post has been edited by SubRosa: Mar 26 2010, 01:38 AM

[Remko]

True, we still don't really know what he is. I figured it's somewhere in Yesterday's Shadow soi I started reading that as well

However; looking at his name I suspect we are dealing with a Dunmer. AmIright?