Memoires of Rales Sarethi, A Morrowind fanfic Options

[Remko]

I've only made very tiny changes. Is it because it's the second time around you read it that it seems smoother?

‘Why didn’t I think of that before?’ I thought while I was swallowing the last bite of the meat. I took my mortar and pestle, some ingredients and a small empty vial from my bag. After grinding an ash-yam to a brown sludge, I added a small part of Dreugh wax. The mix turned darkish purple while I mingled the two ingredients and turned violet when I poured some water into it.
From experience I knew the combination of these two would fortify my strength to compensate for my weakened state. It wouldn’t last very long but long enough to finish the mission - I hoped.

After I had transferred the concoction from the mortar into the vial I swirled the liquid around. The colour and viscosity weren’t entirely what I had in mind. ‘If only I could distill it someway,’ I surmised. Distilling it would increase the effect two-fold but I hadn’t brought my other equipment, only the most basic one.
‘I do have a way of distilling it!’ I exclaimed happily. I gathered some of the skeletons’ femurs and made a stand to rest the vial on. I had to be careful with the vial, it was very fragile, heating it too far would shatter the glass and ruin my potion but if I didn’t get it hot enough, the heating process would be an utter waste of time.

***

With extreme caution I stacked some dry wood and thin bones underneath the vial and carefully ignited it with a weak fire-spell - about the best I could do. After about half an hour of boiling I was content with the colour and viscosity, extinguished the fire and allowed the potion to slowly cool down. The smell was as bad as the taste but I could feel energy and strength surging through my body. I was ready to face what was ahead. I woke up Zerina, she had dozed off while I was making the potion, and together we proceeded further into the tomb.

‘Remember when I said I was going to need an edge to defeat the Sixth House and Dagoth Ur?’
‘Yes, I do. You mentioned you didn’t believe just a sharp sword wasn’t going to be enough?’ Zerina replied with her head slightly tilted. I couldn’t get over how attractive that made her look - even more so than usual.
I swallowed a lump in my throat and nodded. ‘Exactly. I finally figured out what that edge is going to be. It’s been there all the time. Alchemy!’ I said exuberantly. ‘With the right preparation and potions I should stand a chance - a fairly decent one actually. Especially with you by my side. We make a good team, don’t you think?’

She smiled and kissed me. ‘That we do. Now, let’s focus on keeping that rat from gnawing on our ankles.’
‘Rat? What rat?’
Before I had time to spin around to skewer the rat, forks of lightning flew from Zerina’s fingertips to a point several feet behind me. The smell of burned fur and scorched rat-meat assaulted my nostrils. The awful smell reminded me harshly of how close it had been in the Sixth House base. I shuddered when I realised I could have ended up the same, as a burned out corpse on the ground.
‘Ah, that rat,’ I commented dryly, despite my unnerving thoughts, when I sullenly peered down upon the the smouldering and spasming remains of a now very dead rat.

At the end of a corridor we encountered a mouldy wooden door leading to a huge hall that was entirely submerged. Apparently it had been flooded ages ago, the rocks were green with moss and algea. In an effort to keep our feet dry we hopped onto stepping stones that led to other side of the lake, but I slipped on the second and ended up in the murky water with a big splash. At least Zerina thought it was amusing seeing me wet all over - and all of our gear. Elegantly she floated across the lake while I was forced to swim. The only way of getting on the dry again was on the far end of the lake. Zerina asked me if I needed her to levitate me out of the lake, barely containing her laughter, but I was already wet.
I suggested it would be better to save her magical energy. She agreed, reluctantly of course.

‘Look out!’ Zerina screamed. I was tending to our wet gear on a rockface and was just pouring water from my boots when a sudden flash, a ray of light reflected on a metal surface - a silver sword - caught my eye. In a reflex I dropped on my stomach and rolled away. With a clang the claymore impacted on the ground where my head had been mere seconds earlier. I rolled farther away out of reach of the skeletal guardian and scrambled to my feet. Much to my disgrace, I had been too pre-occupied loudly cursing the slippery stones and my own clumsiness to notice his approach. Instinctively, I reached for my sword but grabbed into thin air. My sword was still lying on the rockface, next to the rest of our gear. I had taken it off to get rid of the water in its sheath, something I now regretted to my core. ‘Never leave your sword behind, S’wit,’ I angrily reprimanded myself and darted away from another swing.

This post has been edited by Remko: May 6 2010, 12:39 PM

[Olen]

I always liked the burial caverns, there was a good dungeon and your description of it works well, the healing was well written as was his use of a potion. It's fun to read and is very reminiscent of the game.

I liked how you protrayed the ashlanders too.

Great stuff:)

[SubRosa]

Maybe it was just because of being the second time around after all. I did look back at the original on the Beth forums and you are right. They are much the same.

Once again I really enjoyed your description of Rales' expensively purchased alchemical skills, especially his home-made calcinator (I remember all the training he paid for early on).

‘Rat? What rat?’
This gave me such a good laugh!

Look, a video of Rales in the lake!

nits:
In an effort to keep our feet dry we hopped onto stepping stones that led to other side of the lake but I slipped on the second and ended up in the lake with a big splash.
You have the word lake twice in the same sentence here. It is rather long as well, and could do with a comma in the middle. Maybe something like this:
In an effort to keep our feet dry we hopped onto stepping stones that led to other side of the lake, but I slipped on the second and ended up in the water with a big splash.

[haute ecole rider]

Sometimes all it takes are very tiny changes (such as using one word for another) to make something so much smoother and better. That's the difference between illustrations and art . . .

Another good write. I liked how you explained how a rattling skeleton can "sneak" up on our Rales.

And the interaction about the rat was chuckle-worthy, as well as Zerina's comment about levitating an already wet Rales the rest of the way across the lake.

Like SubRosa, I love the dry humor Rales brings to his narrative.

[Acadian]

Finally caught up again. Very nice development over the last five updates of the relationship between Rales and Zerina. You do simply a marvelous job with that. He 'bellows' commandingly for her to disappear, and she does. She sticks out her hand and states 'dagger' and he instantly places it in her hand. Much love, trust and mutual respect so very evident in their actions.

[mALX]

I thought you already fixed that in the ...other place? Anyway, great write!!!!

[Remko]

@mALX: You're right, I adressed the problem with the "sneaky" skeleton in that other place.
Speaking of which; anyone still visit it? I feel kinda sorry I utterly abamdoned the RP we had going but I think it wasn't going anywhere anymore anyway.


‘Get down!’
I obeyed without question or hesitation. A wave of heat passed me overhead. The firespell fully encapsuled the skeleton, effectively blinding it. I raced back to where I had left Wretched and ripped it from its scabbard. There was no time to don my cuirass or greaves, I had to face the walking boneyard un-armoured.
Our swords collided in a rain of sparks, neither of us budging an inch.
For a time, what seemed like ages, we stood in a stalemate, our swords sliding against each other but never broke contact. One second I had the overhand and the skeleton had to back off but my bare feet slipped on the wet rocks. Rather than losing my balance, I let my self fall to my back on purpose and prepared to block the inevitable pending attack.

The attack never came. The skeleton was floating just out of reach. ‘What the..,’ I started cursing but then I heard Zerina chuckling and saw that her hands were glowing.
‘Finish him off already, will you?’ she said with a smile.
‘Gladly milady,’ I replied with a bow and hacked into the only parts I could reach, its legs. After several blows the skeleton crashed down, launching fractured bones all over the place. I couldn’t help but snickering, which I regretted the very same moment. A rock had lodged itself into my back when I had dropped onto the ground, leaving a bruised and most painful mark. Something I hadn’t noticed earlier due to the rush of battle. I rubbed the sore spot when a sharp pain seared through my body. ‘That’s all I need, a sodding broken rib.’ I cursed through my clenched teeth.

Another healing session with Zerina later and I was as good as new. I had indeed fractured a rib in the fall but luckily it hadn’t damaged or punctured one of my lungs. Wary for more guardians we continued our search for the wraith of Sul Senipul.
We did find more rats, one was careless enough to come close enough for me to step onto its head. I took great satisfaction in squashing it with the heel of my boot. With a resounding crack, its skull caved in and made a red mess underneath my boot in a slowly expanding pool of blood. The other ones were either taken care of by Zerina or skewered by several feet of cold ebony.

Behind another mouldy door we stepped into an even bigger room where we had to fight more undead and other vermin. After having dispatched several more skeletons my left arm was burning with fatigue. Sul Matuul had warned us to go well prepared. I had imagined we were but it appeared I had thought wrong. There were no useful potions left in my bag and I had not stocked up on ingredients to replenish my supply, most of our food had gotten wet - which had forced us to throw most of it away - all in all, we were in trouble. Even Zerina looked exhausted despite her rest earlier.
A change of tactic was needed; there was no way we could fight every single gaurdian and live to tell the tale.

Our new strategy was to run through the rest of the tomb, ignoring the un-important guardians and grabbing whatever useful goods we’d come across until we would find the wraith. If it hadn’t been for my lovely Zerina, I would probably have fallen in battle then and there. She cast a levitation spell on both of us allowing us to float upwards in the hall, avoiding all the remaining skeletal guardians patrolling the rooms.
I suspected we now were in the main hall of the tomb. A gigantic natural pillar towered in the middle of the hall with a foot wide path - if you could even call it a path - around the pillar, led upwards to several minor side rooms. When I took a closer look, I could see more moss and algea, indicating the winding path was probably as slippery as the stepping stones I had fallen off. Since we had no idea where the wraith would be, we had to check every single room. Zerina suggested splitting up so we could cover more ground quicker but I - I wouldn’t have said it to anyone else - countered with saying we needed each other all the way if we were to survive this deathtrap. Truth was; I was certain I needed her more than she needed me, if only to get me to the top without falling to my death on the risky trail.

Entering the most upper side-room Zerina and I clasped our hands on our ears. A terribly loud and high-pitched screech, one I had never heard before, almost made our ears bleed.
Zerina hastily tore a strip from her dress and tied it around her ears just to get rid of the awful sound. Since I had no dress to tear a strip from to do the same, she tore off another - according to her, the dress was ruined anyway - and gave it to me.
It helped filter out the most of the noise, just enough so we could pinpoint its point of origin. Just around the corner a nearly transparant, ghostlike creature attacked. The good thing about it was that the cursed racket finally stopped as it lunged at Zerina with a rusty sabre.

It appeared to me the wraith was attracted to mages. My efforts of distracting it were practically futile, my sword just passed through the ethereal creature without doing any damage whatsoever.
For a brief moment, the apparition stopped its approach on Zerina, granting her enough respite to activate a shield spell. The wraith’s reaction confirmed my suspicion. It was indeed attracted to mages because as soon as Zerina cast the spell, it again completely ignored me and re-directed its full attention on the mage.
‘I’ll be all right. Just keep those skeletons from my back!’ she shouted while she blasted the wraith with one spell after another, floating just out its sword’s reach.

This time the two skeletal guardians rushing in, their swords raised high, didn’t surprise me. I sidestepped to my right as the first one brought its sword down in a wide arc over its head. I used the opening in its defence to slash off its head in a single side-swipe. The ebony sliced through the neckbone effortlessly. The second skeleton raced passed me towards Zerina and the wraith. Still holding my sword with both hands - I was too tired to wield it with only my left hand - I went into pursuit but soon realised I wouldn’t catch up on it in time. I couldn’t allow it to reach my girl, she still had her hands full combatting the ferocious wraith. I feared Zerina would be overwhelmed if I wouldn’t do something to even the odds.

This post has been edited by Remko: May 7 2010, 09:58 AM

[Olen]

Another cliffhanger.

And more of Zerina's ability comes out, who is she... how does she know so much. It's a good hook drawing me on. And I want to see more of the ashlanders once he gets the bow.

I liked Reles standing on the rat, it was entertainingly gory.

[haute ecole rider]

Loved this chapter even more the second time through. As Olen said, it really plays up the growing partnership between Rales and Zerina - she is proving to be quite the sidekick here!

I did pick up a couple of nits:

our swords sliding against eachother but never broke contact. One second I had the overhand and the skeleton had to back off but my bare feet slipped on the wet rocks.

In the first, a space is missing between each and other - it should read each other. This happens again later in the story, when Zerina was suggesting splitting up to search the rooms.

The other is one that confuses even native English speakers:

‘I’ll be allright.

It is such a common colloquialism in the English language that many people spell it alright, but the correct way to write it is as two words, all right.

Overall your writing is as refreshing as ever, with Rales's combination of a macho sense of duty and honor with a humble acknowledgement of Zerina's feminine superiority in certain matters. His tongue in cheek narrative is wonderful and never fails to bring a smile to my face as I read this.

[SubRosa]

Exciting! and a cliffhanger ending! Been taking lessons from treydog I see.

As Olen said, it really plays up the growing partnership between Rales and Zerina - she is proving to be quite the sidekick here!

I was going to mention how Rales was proving to be quite a sidekick!

Seriously though, MoRS really takes off once Zerina is added to the mix. Her presence brings out something extra in the storytelling.


nits:
A rock had lodged itself into my back when I had dropped onto the ground, leaving a bruised and most painful mark on my back.
You have the word "back" twice in the same sentence here. I think you can just lose the last three words of the sentence.
A rock had lodged itself into my back when I had dropped onto the ground, leaving a bruised and most painful mark.


we needed eachother
Looks like each and other are quite inseparable here, even as Rales and Zerina are...


I sidestepped to my right as the first one brought its sword down in a wide arch over its head
I am thinking you wanted arc there.

This post has been edited by SubRosa: May 7 2010, 12:38 AM

[mALX]

ARGH! Save Zerina Rales!!!!!! Another Cliffhanger!

I have been going to the other place and putting up new updates on Maxical's story but no one goes there to read anymore, lol. It is dead as a doornail - bleah!

[Remko]

In a desperate act to slow it down, I threw my sword at it. Somehow, the blade managed to trip the skeleton, sending it plummeting to the ground. Upon impact, its sword arm fractured and seperated from the rest of the body. Screeching nearly as vicious as the wraith, it attacked me with its only remaining arm, his hand stetched out and opened as if he wanted to strangle the life out of me. I darted around it, to where Wretched had ended its tumble over the ground. Apparently, together with all its tissue, the guardian had also lost all common sense. Once I had my blade again, it was almost too easy cutting of its other arm as well. Wasting no time on the now helpless and harmless skeleton, I kicked it to the side and rushed towards Zerina.

By the time I reached the battling duo, the wraith had given up trying to hit Zerina with its sword and had started to cast spells back at her. Her magical shield hadn’t collapsed yet but the glimmer around her was rapidly diminishing, indicating it would disappear soon, rendering her defenceless.
In one of the side-rooms, I had found a magical staff. Instead of trying to hit it with Wretched - which was useless on all accounts - I sheathed it and used the magical staff to attack the wraith of Sul Senipul. It took me several shots and some instructions from Zerina before I got the hang of it but soon the wraith was caught in a cross-fire. With a final screech, it fell to the ground in a glowing heap of whatever it was made of and a shimmering bow - I assumed it was magically enhanced.
I ran my finger through its remains. I had read in a book about the extraordinary alchemical properties but couldn’t remember exactly what they had been. It was nearly odourless, there wasn’t much I could make of it but I scooped it up nonetheless and carefully poured it into the an empty vial so I could inspect it more closely back home.

Upon inspection the bow was indeed enchanted and had been Sul Senipul’s. Unfortunately, the bowstring was missing. Our mission in the damp tomb was completed. When we emerged the tomb, filthy and utterly exhausted, a clear starlet sky greeted us back to the land of the living. It turned out it had taken us more than a day to reach the wraith and to defeat it.
‘Is it necessary for us to immediately return to the Urshilaku camp?’ Zerina asked me with a dirty face and visible bags - even in the dark - underneath her eyes. I imagined I looked terrible as well, the Gods knew I felt even worse. The fortify potion I had drank had worn off before we emerged the tomb, I was on the skin of my teeth.

The staff I used to help Zerina defeat the wraith was now laying on the bottom of the very same lake I had taken a refreshing dive into. To get rid of a lot of weight we couldn’t carry, we had to make choices on what to keep and what to discard. The heavy iron staff was the first thing that came to mind, together with a steel shortsword and a shield. Regretfully, we had sank them off, the weapons weren’t anything special but the shield in particular was very skillfully crafted and would have come in handy should I decide to start using one again.

‘Well, I was thinking just to get it out of the way,’ I replied sullenly. ‘Even though I can barely place one foot for the other.’
‘That’s what I mean,’ Zerina answered implacably. ‘We are both exhausted and still have to walk for at least several hours. What if we’re attacked? I don’t think I have enough energy left for a powerful destruction spell- or even a moderate one for that matter.’
‘Then, what would be your suggestion? To rest here? May I remind you we have no food and all of our gear is still wet. Including our sleeping bags and all of the bowstrings so hunting is out of the question as well.’
‘I know, I know,’ she sighed. ‘I was just thinking aloud. It seems we have little choice but to rest here. We could use the tent to at least keep the wind and most of the cold out and share each other’s bodyheat to keep sufficiently warm. No- not like that,’ she quickly added with a smile.
I scoffed mock-like and acted the murdered innocence itself. ‘Like I would have that kind of thing on my mind in a time like this.’ Zerina placed her hands on her hips and looked at me with a doubtful look on her face. Seconds later we were both laughing until our stomachs hurted. A most welcome relief in a otherwise rather dark day.
And so it was decided we would spend another night in the shadow of the tomb we had just crawled out of.

[minque]

Finally! read through the last chapters...wonderful writing Remko....really wonderful. Raley among the Ashlanders...awesome, just awesome!

More please?

[Destri Melarg]

Please forgive the length of this post. I find that I am woefully behind when it comes to the adventures of Rales and Zerina. Now I shall try to catch up.

Part II: Heretic or Savior
Chapter 1: Poison

haute nailed it. This chapter marks a rite of passage as Rales transforms from an outlander trying to play Imperial agent to an Imperial agent ready to play Nerevarine. I like that through his delirium the only constants are his guiding star Zerina and the certainty of his new purpose.

Chapter 2: Artifacts

Now that’s the Rales that I have come to know and love, rushing headlong through a Sixth House base, Wretched in hand, oblivious to concerns for safety. My only small nit about this chapter (and I believe that I have mentioned this before) concerns the spell that Zerina cast on the Imperial. Wouldn’t the Lord’s Mail render her spell useless against him? Or at the very least wouldn’t it give him a chance to shrug off the spell? I’m not sure if it is your intent, but the way it reads now Zerina appears to be a superwoman, able to cast spells that bypass resistance with ease.

Chapter 3: Heritage

The circumstances of Rales’ uncertain birth are finally revealed to him. By what you’ve told us in this chapter it s logical to assume that Rales spent at least the first 5-10 years of his life under Athyn Sarethi’s roof, so his recognizing Rales at the door is not at all far-fetched. I’m still not sure if it fits the character of a senior Redoran Councilor to use phrases like ‘it’s kinda complicated.’

The bit with the ring is very interesting. Apparently Azura has had her eye on Rales for quite some time. Pity she did not see fit to back him up in Hassour.

Chapter 4: Conspiracy

I can only imagine the conversation between Zerina and her mother:

“Yes, mother. The young man that I ran off to Balmora with, you know the one that saved your house and laid the smackdown on the Orc that killed father? Well, turns out he is the re-incarnation of Nerevar come to unite the Great Houses and Ashlander Tribes, defeat Dagoth Ur, cure the blight, and drive the outlanders out of Morrowind! How have you been?”

Rales will be lucky if the Widow Vabdas lets Zerina leave the house again. She’s probably calling for a Temple exorcist as we speak!

I really enjoyed your rendition of Arvs Drelen and my favorite mad wizard, Balades Demnevani. I know that he has the one quest for books that he gives you, but wouldn’t it have been great if he were a major quest-giver for House Telvanni? I would much rather have him for my patron than that idiot Aryon.

Chapter 5: Urshilaku

There are several lines in this chapter that stand out. I would quote them all but this post is already too long as it is. Suffice it to say that the interaction between Rales and Zerina was as close to perfect as anything of yours that I have read to date.

“But I’m not dressed.”

“Neither am I.”

Priceless.

I always have to suppress the urge to draw my sword and throttle the Urshilaku when I first meet them. The number of hoops that they make you jump through to get anything done is ridiculous. Given how they react to something as simple as a Trama Root, I am willing to lay 2-1 odds that chewing it gets you high! You would think that someone showing up in their camp claiming to be the reincarnation of their messiah would be afforded a little more respect.

Although having said that, maybe they think he’s been chewing too much Trama Root.

Finally, the battle with the skeletons was excellent. The detailed description of Rales’ calf wound made my own leg hurt.

I remember grimacing in wicked amusement and hobbled over to the battle between Zerina . . .

This is an awkward sentence. I think you need to either change ‘and’ to ‘as I’, or leave ‘and’ alone and change ‘hobbled’ to ‘hobbling’.

[mALX]

Love the interplay between Rales and Zerina, they make a perfect couple!!! Like a hand in hand, each filling the gaps of the other - love it!

[Remko]

Thansk everyone

@Destri:The Imperial was too stupid too realise the true potential of the lord's Mail. Ooooo.... shiny..... hehe..

I made a hint in the story (just as Zerina is wringout out her hair) that Rales seriously doubted the Imperial knew the true potential of it. Was kind of a pun to how badly NPC's use ites in the game)
Normally speaking you would be right
I on purpose had Athyn speak more informal. I wanted to portray a different side of him. Someone who cares for his family and is kind underneath the icy Councelor surface.

This post has been edited by Remko: May 10 2010, 10:50 AM

[Remko]

‘This must be the worst night I ever spend with you,’ I whispered shivering halfway the night to Zerina’s sleeping shape, her head in my lap. The cold had set in my bones and wouldn’t allow me to stay asleep for more than an hour in a row. For a moment I had thought about trying to dry a sleeping bag with a firespell but after some consideration I decided against it. Knowing my limited skills in the Arcane arts, I would have probably burned it and the tent along with it. Maybe I would succeed but then it would be reeking of smoke. I wasn’t sure what would be worse; the cold or the potential acrid stench.

‘But, by the Nine as my witness, I love you more than anything in this world,’ I mumbled on in the dark. ‘Dibella must have smiled down on me when I entered that egg-mine to grace me with such a blessing.’
That night seemed to last forever; I felt like cheering when finally Masser and Secunda payed their last respects to the night and a watery sun emerged above the hills of the Ashlands region, heralding in a new day.

Day 263

The walk back to the Urshilaku camp seemed to drag on and on. To make matters worse, halfway a cold downpour from the heavens soaked me to my skin once more. For a brief instance, I thought I heard the distant rumble of thunder but soon realised it was my stomach. It had been over a day we both had something decent to eat. After washing away most of the dirt from several fresh Trama roots in a small muddy puddle, we found they didn’t taste too bad actually, although slightly bitter. Promising myself to alchemically experiment with the root - once I had swallowed a bite, I briefly felt my mood lifting and was engulfed with a refreshed will to keep going - Zerina commented about how her mother used to draw a bitter tea from the roots and how it could be combined with Cliffracer plumes to make a levitation potion. Of course I already knew Racer plumes - or rather; the marrow inside the feather-shafts - were a main-ingredient of levitation potions but I didn’t know Trama roots possessed those kind of alchemical properties as well. The best part of it was that Trama roots were far more easy to acquire as plants usually don’t fight back.
‘How do you swallow feathers?’ I asked her, my brow raised in a jestful frown.
Zerina chuckled briefly. ‘Difficult,’ was the only thing she said.
‘I can only imagine.’

With the Urshilaku camp looming in the fog in the distance, Zerina suddenly halted and faced me with a concerned look. ‘There’s something we need to discuss,’ she said.
‘Now? I held out my hands to indicate we were still out in the rain.
‘Yes, now. I have noticed you are rather keen on getting this Nerevarine-business behind you but I am concerned about you rushing it. I know you are eager to prove yourself to your House, I can see it in your eyes. Ever since Athyn’s story, there’s been a spark that wasn’t there before. But you nearly got yourself killed in the Sixth House base and let’s face it; it didn’t really go as planned in the the Urshilaku tomb, did it?’
I shook my head. ‘No. No it didn’t. But Caius said that-,’
‘Yes, Caius said you should investigate. But you’re not helping anyone by getting yourself killed. Not Caius, not the Emperor and most certainly not the Dunmer people. Don’t forget, we’ve been living with the Blight and the evil underneath Red Mountain for hundreds of years, surely we can hold out for another year or two? Even if things have been getting increasingly dire lately - and we know they have. If you fall, how long do you think it will take before another incarnation will rise up? There is so much you still could - and should - learn. Quite frankly; I don’t think anyone can defeat Dagoth Ur with just a sword and some potions. Dagoth Ur has been around for aeons, most likely he is a very powerful mage, one of the likes you have never encountered before. To defeat him you will need to become one too. I love you, you’re one of the greatest swordsmen I have ever seen but-’

I interrupted her with a wink. ‘You’ve seen many swordsmen then?’

Zerina smiled mischievously. ‘Well, er, that’s to say… we used to sneak out and watch the legion… exercise, but I digress. What I was saying was: you’re one of the most skillful swordsmen I have ever seen but only in one-on-one combat. Don’t get me wrong but you can be a bit overconfident sometimes. Overconfidence bears a large resemblance to naivité, both tend to originate from inexperience and both would get you killed should you confront Dagoth Ur today.’ She embraced me tightly, I could hear her emotions in her voice as she continued. ‘My love, all I’m saying is that you should consider taking ample time to prepare. What would I do without you?’
I took her teary face between my hands and looked into her swollen eyes intensely.
‘Let’s make sure that never happens,’ I said, my voice now hoarse with emotions as well. Deep down, I knew she was right and decided to heed her words carefully.

This post has been edited by Remko: May 11 2010, 10:40 AM

[Destri Melarg]

See!!! I knew that Trama Root got you high!

Zerina’s words of wisdom are right on the money. It is good to know that Rales is going to heed them.

I like the fact that you open this chapter with Rales lamenting his overall lack of magical skill, and end it with Zerina encouraging him to become a better mage. I think they bookend each other nicely.

I felt like cheering when finally Masser and Secunda payed their last respects to the night and a watery sun emerged above the hills of the Ashlands region, harrowing in a new day.

I think that I pointed out this sentence to you before. In the context that you are using it, I think that ‘heralding’ is the word that you are looking for.

Harrowing – adj. extremely disturbing or distressing; grievous: a harrowing experience.

Herald – verb. To indicate or signal the coming of; usher in.

The problem is that, given all that they have been through ‘harrowing’ just kind of fits in a delightfully Ralesian kind of way. My advice to you would be not to change it.

[Remko]

Yes, you did mention it and I forgot to change it in the original draft...
I was thinking harrowing had more or less the same meaning as heralding. Heralding is what I wanted. I wanted to portray relief after the hardship of the night and in the tomb.

[Olen]

I love it, good as ever. His continuing interest in alchemy is good to read.

I agree with Destri that Zerina's comments on him needing more magic and his feeelings that more would aid him fit well together, makes me want to know how he's going to learn.

‘Well, er, that’s to say… we used to sneak out and watch the legion… exercise

Great line. The humour really makes this piece.

More?