The Dragon's Tome, An Original Fantasy Story Options

[Zalphon]

Chapter Seven: Sythariss

The jungles of Sythariss were quite dense and thick with foliage on the outer-rims of the province. However, as I got deeper in, they seemed less like jungles and more like the Abyss. Legend was that a Demon-Prince came to Sythariss hundreds of thousands of years ago and opened a Gateway to the Abyss. The creatures I passed look more demonic as I moved forward through the thick-foliage of the hellacious place.

I saw a collossal ziggurat and smiled. At the entrance stood two guards in black armor with black cloaks. They held halberds. I walked forward and stated, "Shadows guide you." They backed away and let me in. The Black Ziggurat was tainted with Abyssal Magick. It pricked at my skin as I walked.

I reached the Throne Room and there he sat on a bone-throne. "Lord Vayris," I called out. "I have come to serve you, Milord." He wore black robes and had a black hood up. A scarf covered his mouth and nose. In his right hand was a staff made of bone imbued with the spirits of Enslaved Angels and Knights of the Dragons.

I kneeled obediently. "I told you we'd meet again all those years ago," he stated. "Finally, we do. I know why you've come. The Order taught you the Arcane Arts of Magick, but you'd like to learn the darker arts. That I can do, or actually my champion can do.

Out of the shadows came Lord Kristopher Ravenblood. His skin was rotted and he had the stench of rot surrounding him. "Surprised?" he asked. "I would be, I used my powerful magick to hide my true nature. Yes, I am a Drakolich."

"Ravenblood, I thought I had killed you," Zalphon called out. "How do you still live?"

"I was already dead and more powerful than you ever knew. I am a Lich Master, one of the few survivors of the War of Necromancy. I am one of the seven Lich Masters alive," he continued. "We are the most powerful of all liches and necromancers."

"Milord, will you teach me?" I couldn't help but asked. "I must learn everything you can teach me."

"Gladly, Zalphon," he nodded. "You however must pass the Trials of the Shadow Knight and the Trials of the Necromancer to be worthy of apprenticeship to a lich."

"What must I do?" I asked. "I must know!"

"Head to the Students' Quarters, Lich-Lord Victor Shadowmare," he commanded. "You'll learn quickly, and eventually you'll be ready for the Trials of the Lich. And after reading the Ancient Prophecies, legend is you'll be the Arch-Lich chosen to bring necromancers and liches back to power!"

I obeyed and rushed to the Students' Quarters, eager to learn...

[Remko]

Okay, I caught up and I like it. I think you're being brave making up your own world. Well done! (although there are plenty things that are borrowed you could've made up yourself but I appreciate it's hard, if not impossible, to do something truly original with a chewed-up genre Fantasy basically is.)

However; there are some things I feel I need to point out.

Sometimes it feels a bit rushed. I would like to see more motives and explanation (and not just say he wants to become more powerful cause thats oversimplified imo). Why does Zalphon (who was keen on helping people some chapters earlier) want to be turned into something as awful as a Lich which is basically a walking coprse? A powerful one but still a corpse. Doesnt make sense imo. No good can come from that right?


A small nit here:

"Ravenblood, I thought I had killed you," Zalphon called out. "How do you still live?"

You jumped POV here. Everything else is written from Z's POV but now it jumped to third person POV.

One thing that kind of bothered me was the fight between Ravenlord ans Zalphon. It was over before it really started. If Ravenlord threw the match, I would've liked it if you had dropped a hint of why he would do that.
That battle should've been epic imo.

I hope it's some help, I am not trying to bring you down or be overly critical of your story. Which I enjoy btw!! Keep it up!

[mALX]

Whew! This ROCKS!

[Zalphon]

If you were a member of a hunted and illegal organization, and you knew someone would become a hero of said organization and stop them from being hunted, would you kill them? Ravenblood knows of Zalphon's future and is quite happy to be rid of the Order.

Edit: And to the lich comment. Liches are extremely powerful and are in all essence, demi-gods. The Ritual of Lichcraft is so complex and difficult, it can take years to learn a single page of the hundreds of pages of the ritual. But in return for their efforts, with mere thoughts they can control legions of the living dead.

Liches in Mathoc aren't like Elder Scrolls or DnD Liches. They're extremely powerful, physically and mentally. Usually they choose robes, but some choose a suit of platemail and a longsword. They're walking corpses, yes. But, they're not controlled. They can decimate entire countries with a spell or slay men who have trained their entire lives with swords in a duel of swordplay.

The weakest of all liches, could overpower some of the most powerful mortal men. They aren't bound by sleep, food, water. Some become liches for good purposes like furthering their life to become an Eternal Guardian of a Village (albeit hated.)

Others do it for neutral reasons, like persuing more knowledge with their new-found lifespan and lack-of-needs.

Others do it for evil reasons, like dominating nations or furthering their control over others.

This post has been edited by Zalphon: May 13 2010, 12:36 AM

[Acadian]

It is nice to read the story of the younger Zalphon. Plenty of action here!

[Zalphon]

Chapter Eight: Trials of the Shadow Knight

The physical bringers of the darkness are called Shadow Knights. They know some necromancy, but they focus mostly on swordplay. Victor hissed, "Ravenblood told me about you. He says good things about your skill in the magick of the Evoker, let's see your talents in physical battle." His voice dripped with cruelty. He wore a suit of magick Drako-Weave Clothes. Enchanted to be as strong as Dragon Scales and even more freeing. In his hands were a great sword.

"I will teach you a lesson in humiliation, Lich," I cried out as I charged at him My blade in hand, with ease he parried. His unnatural dexterity was astonishing. With a mighty blow I felt my flesh being severed from the bone.

"Child, you're skill in true swordplay is weak. The Order taught you the Way of the Dragon Sword-Style. Use this way," he commanded. Suddenly his blade weaved through the air like a dancer. It was a blur.

"How did you do that?" I questioned. "Was that a secretive lich-only teaching?"

"All Shadow Knights have learned how to use the Way of the Fallen," he stated. "It involves channeling your spirit to become one with all who have fallen to you. And remembering their agony internally, while you add more to the list externally."

"Shall I try?" I asked.

He nodded. Suddenly I let my mind think about all the times I took life. From the gladiator fights to the Elementals of the Plane of the Elements. I focused on their agony and it was as if I was having an out-of-body experience. My sword flew through the air as if I was a master of the blade. "Excellent," he exclaimed.

"Milord, I would like to learn the language of the dead," I said. "The Necromancers say it allows them to cast necromantic spells."

"Not yet," he shook his head. "Deathspeak can kill a learner if they aren't ready mentally. I can sense your innocence, due to your young age."

I growled, "The Order also taught us how the Shadow Knights and Necromancers never needed to rest, care to explain?"

"Tap into your inner darkness," he commanded. "Feel the manipulation and domination. Leave the rage and hatred."

Obediently, I did. I felt unholy vigor surround my body. As if I had slept for several hours. "How does this technique work?" I questioned.

"The Shadow Knights and Necromancers use dark arts. We're the very essence of death, just as the Order of the Dragon and the Angels of Skyhaven are the very essence of life," he explained. "The Angels can be re-energized by focusing all the times they've protected others so can the Order."

"More lies," I grumbled. "Milord, is this the end of our lesson?"

"Yes, you still have years of knowledge to learn young student. Years," he continued. "Go to your quarters and I want you to meditate by focusing on your inner darkness for twenty-four hours. Do this and you'll feel your flesh heal from the agony."

Gladly, I did. I was embracing the darkness fully and completely...

[mALX]

ARGH! That is so cool! I will have to feed my manipulation and domination!!!!! AWESOME Zalphon!!!!!

[Zalphon]

Necromancy is a powerful art.

[Zalphon]

Chapter Nine: The Trials of the Shadow Knight II

I felt the very essence of the dead surround me. I was in a trance, I saw myself walking through the Realm of the Dead, Darkfallen. The spirits and the restless walked amongst me, staring at me. I hissed and tormented them with my spells of evocation.

Suddenly I heard his hallowed voice. "Stand up, Dread Knight," Victor commanded. "Yes, you're a Dread Knight, they're the shock-troopers of Lord Vayris. Soon enough, you'll be a Shadow Knight, one of his leaders."

"Lord Victor, I was staring into the Darkfallen," I stated. "The innocent spirits were scorched and frozen by my evocation spells. It felt so--right. Their cries of anguish, their tears of agony, their sheer terror, it empowered me."

"Tis the way of the Shadow Knight to be empowered by his foe's suffering," the Lich-Lord continued. "Not all Shadow Knights serve the Dark Lord. Many are actually Guardians of Villages and Swords for hire. However, they all recieve their unnatural power from the dead."

"If they defend people and are so 'noble', why do they torment the dead?" I asked.

"They torment dead murderers, thieves, rapists, the sort of people who were thugs in life," he explained. "Shadow Knights are all taught the code. The Order of the Dragon also teaches it. We do not lie, cheat, nor steal. We'll tear you to pieces, but we're honorable."

"Milord, perhaps it's time for me to perform the Trials of the Shadow Knight?" I questioned. "I feel so powerful and strong, strong enough to kill...King Alu'Kar."

"You're eagerness is too strong. We fight not because we love war, but we fight to bring glory to the Dark Lord. One day, you will be the only one to kill King Everlight. Not today, but it'll most likely be the Trials of the Lich that you face him."

"Honestly, I could slaughter him like a pig now," I grumbled.

With acid dripping in his voice and laced with irritation, Lord Victor hissed, "You're lust for war will be your undoing, young Zalphon." The Lich-Lord left hastily and I with an anxious grin opened a book. It was a Spellbook. The writing was in ancient runes.

"Deathspeak," I thought. "Finally, I can begin my studying." As I began to translate the first word, I was thrown against the wall. Blackness filled my vision and I felt coldness surround my body. The last thing I saw was Lord Vayris...

When I awoke, I was still in the room. The book was still there and I picked it up. The language felt natural as if it were written in Draconic. I read it with ease. "Enjoying the book," Victor asked. "I knew your temptation would lead you to read it. The Students of Lord Vayris never learn Deathspeak from their masters, they must be self-reliant enough to read it themselves. I told you not to read the book, and against my orders you did. Congratulations, you've passed the Trials of the Shadow Knight."

"What?" I gasped.

"The Shadow Knight must do what he thinks is best to further his cause as long as he is still following the code," Victor continued. "You thought you'd be making yourself more powerful by learning the language and you reaped the rewards. I will now teach you two newer techniques on how to become more powerful."

"Hmmm," I said.

He said some words in Deathspeak and images rushed through my mind. One was of me standing over a fallen foe and kneeling over him whispering a spell. A black beam from the palm of my hand to his heart. Energy filled my body. I was siphoning his very soul and using it to empower myself.

Next, I saw myself fighting so skillfully I thought it was a master swordsman. Then I saw my mind, I was in Darkfallen mentally tormenting the dead spirits with my blade. My dexterity and strength was heightened beyond words, not only in Darkfallen, but in Mathoc as well. I also felt something right at that moment. I was much stronger and physically more powerful. The Way of the Shadow Knight.

"Learn how to use these abilities, Shadow Knight. The first one is the Way of the Soul Vampire. Like Blood Vampires, you sustain yourself by killing the living. However, you use their very souls. You can live without it, but siphoning souls is much more powerful than any other technique. The Way of the Shadow Knight is a technique used by the most powerful Shadow Knights. Only liches, angels, and dragons know more powerful ways of combat," Victor explained. "Enjoy your new-found power and begin the Trials of the Necromancer in the morning."

[mALX]

Zalphon, this is one of the best chapters so far, Awesome job!!!!!

[Remko]

Ahh.. things are starting to fall into place. I liked it! Shadow knights are a bit like Spawn? Dark Avengers for justice. Means to and end, that kinda stuff. Awesome Z!
Especially this line:

The Order of the Dragon also teaches it. We do not lie, cheat, nor steal. We'll tear you to pieces, but we're honorable."

[Acadian]

As sometimes happens when reading your stories, I have an image of the Emperer talking to young Darth Vader. . .

[Zalphon]

Zalphon is far from Vader. I picture him more as Darth Revan. Powerful, influential, and strong-willed.

[Zalphon]

Chapter Ten: The Battle of the Temple

A loud, crashing sonic boom filled the corridors of the Temple. I sensed their presence, their foul presence. The Order had come to kill my lord and me. They came for a fight and I was ready. With great haste, I firmly gripped Nightsinger and walked out. Samantha Draconis, a high elven knight was one I had courted during my time as a squire. We were both squires. "Zalphon," she cried. "What have they done to you? Resist the feeling of the wicked and Grandmaster Myris will accept you back if you atone."

"Resist the feeling? Grandmaster Myris will accept me? What about Drakos?" I questioned. "And I'll die before I go back to the lying scum of the Order."

"Drakos died the day you threw down your sword and left. Some say it was the Dark Lord that killed him, others say he died of grief. You were his best friend," Lady Draconis glumy stated. "Please, surrender. I love you, Zalphon."

"Liar," I screamed. My mind went into Darkfallen and I fought. I could feel her anguish as my blade slid down her body and allowed the blood to escape. The agony, the terror, oh the vigor it gave me. I left Darkfallen and saw her fall to the ground.

"I'm sorry," she whispered as I knelt down by her. "For not stopping you."

I ran to the Throne-Room and saw Lord Fenix standing over Lord Vayris. Vayris was dying and Fenix gently commanded, "Come over here, Zalphon. Feel your deity's pain."

Obediently, I did. "Perform the killing blow and with it seal the Darkfallen. The dead deserve to rest," Fenix calmly explained. "You'll needn't rely on their anguish for your power, for you'll be much more powerful without it."

"Yes, Milord," I beheaded my god. I knew what Fenix said was a wise choice. He had visited me before many times and was like a father-figure to me. I began to siphon his soul and when the black beam dissipated into nothingness... Darkness filled my vision and I was unconscious...

[mALX]

Your writing improves constantly. I am not sure exactly why Zalphon is on this bloodbath rampage, but it is well written! I love the way you have turned some of the phrases.

[Zalphon]

Chapter Eleven: The Rise to Power

When I awoke, Fenix stood over me. My entire body burned, as if in my veins was acid. He stated, "Lord Vayris was a powerful lich, the Arch Lich. Take a look at yourself." Suddenly a magickal mirror appeared in front of me. My skin was rotting and pale, my hair was white and long.

"What happened to me?" I questioned. "Am I dead?"

"Well yes," He explained. "You're a lich. The Arch-Lich. When you drained his soul, you drained his power with it. You can take the Throne as God of Death, Unlife, and Necromancy. If you so choose, Milord."

"I have business in Everlight to settle, Fenix," I grumbled. "With your powerful magick, transform his body into a suit of God-Steel Platemail for me to wear and a God-Weave Cloak. The Prince of Everlight is going to become King."

"Yes, milord," the Lord of Manipulation said. Suddenly a suit of lightless, black armor appeared on me and a black cloak on my back. In my scabbard was my longsword, "Nightsinger," but in a different body. A god-steel blade.

Lord Fenix opened a portal and I appeared in Castle Everlight's Throne Room. "Who are you?" The Hyekal Tyrant asked. "I have no meetings with anyone today. And you wreak of death."

I pulled off my helmet, "It's me, Father. Zalphon."

The color drained from his face as I pulled my sword out of the scabbard. I put the tip to his throat and hissed, "You killed my mother, you sold me, you denied me my birthright. I am no Everlight, you're family is a clan of liars. I'm a Broodikus." I plunged the blade into his neck and smiled.

The guards came rushing in and screamed, "What have you done?"

"Oh, so many things, which would you like to know about?" I snidely remarked. "Don't worry." Instantaneously I muttered a spell and a nova of black energy emitted from my body. They died and rose back up.

I commanded them to go fight for me, and that they did. "Emperor Zalphon Broodikus," Fenix smiled. "The Gray Council would like to be allied with you. Also, what'll happen of Darkfallen."

In my mind, I imagined the gateway to Darkfallen crumbling. The spirits of the dead deserved rest and they got it, eternally. "It's gone," I responded. "The dead deserve rest, and I intend to give it to them."

Samantha Draconis rushed in. Angellic wings sprouted from her back. "You've failed, Zalphon," she screamed. "I am the Arch-Angel. For your corruption, you'll die!"

The Head of the Angels charged at me, but I parried. Behind her were thirteen knights of the dragon. With a stare of awe-inspiring fear, they stabbed her. The Angel rushed into a portal and they kneeled, "Milord, we live to serve."

"Excellent," I stated. "The Dragonbane Knights. Now go off, hunt the remnants of your former Order."

"Yes, Master," the leader replied. "It shall be done."

"Zalphon, what do you intend to do?" Fenix asked.

"Bring a new era to the realms. The dragons will fall for their treachery and the angels will serve me or die. To say the very least, 'Mathoc as we know it, will be changed forever'..."

This post has been edited by Zalphon: May 25 2010, 03:23 AM

[mALX]

Is this not in Tamriel anymore? HEY! Zalphon! Come home to Tamriel!!!! Great Write Zalphon!