Oblivion's Edge, An Elder Scrolls Fan-Fiction Options

[Captain Hammer]

Kalian was so depressed over what happened to Evangeline. And he had to make a command-decision... Mundus or Evangeline? He does care about all of them...very, very much, but he has a duty that he accepts. Kalian has yet to show his feelings over the events of the Shrine. He may not show it...yet... And as he saw it, he was freeing her. She had been beaten, tortured, maimed, etc. for fifteen years. He was releasing her from her anguish...

Then make it come through in the narrative. So many of your non-story posts have new plot points or psychological justifications for the characters' actions. For the same energy that you put into the "defense of your story," you could just include it in the actual story. It would probably cut down on the criticisms while vastly improving the tone of the story.

Okay, criticism over. Having now gotten caught up with the story, I would like to state that this is a fresh, interesting concept that I really enjoy. You've taken the basic narrative, noticed where it goes, and then created your own intricate story-line for us. I'd like to see more.

[Zalphon]

Noted, Captain Hammer.

[Zalphon]

Chapter Twenty-One: The Shrine of Sheogorath

When I awoke, Quick-Strike stood over me. All I could think about was Evangeline. That eight-sided, blue crystal did something to me, but my mind was on my fallen friend. A girlish giggle was heard, "Kalian, a little birdy named 'Magnus' gave me a present." The soft-sweet voice was...Evangeline's.

The young Breton smiled. "The High Watcher ripped my soul back from the Dreamweave and gave me back my old body," she hugged me. "I don't remember much of the events of the Coloured Rooms, but I suppose that's for the best."

My heart rushed, we were hugging so tightly, I couldn't tell if it was my heart or her's beating. "Magnus presented you with a gift, Kalian," Quick-Strike warned. "He did infuse your very essence with that of Aetherius, there may be side-effects. However, your power over magicka will be a fraction of J'skooma's, more than most of the greatest wizards alive can say."

"A question," I asked. "You said you were recruited to the Watchers of Mundus."

"That wasn't entirely true," J'skooma shook his head. "J'skooma and Quick-Strike helped found it with Magnus in 4E 97 during the Altmeri Revolution, when Mannimarco led the necromancers of the Summerset Isles against the Empire. Magnus is the High-Watcher, and we are the Master-Watchers."

"What title do I hold?" I asked.

"You hold no rank within the Watchers," Quick-Strike explained. "To become a Watcher of Mundus, you must succeed extraordinary tasks. J'skooma and I destroyed the Obsidian Tower and watched Zalphon die. One day you will become a Watcher, but until that day..."

I sighed and donned my armor. It was time we started walking towards the Shrine of Sheogorath. For an hour or two we walked. The Shrine depicted a man in flambouyant clothing with a cane. It was old, cracked, and surprisingly not mossy. When we reached it, an echoing voice called out, "The Duke of Mania."

"J'skooma is here," the Khajiit responded. "J'skooma is here with Kalian."

"My, my," Sheogorath awed. "The Champion of Nirn. To earn my favor, you must pass the Trials of Mania and the Trials of Dementia."

"Fine," I barked. Evangeline hugged me tightly and kissed me.

"Don't worry," I whispered. "With my new-found power, I could easily pass these tests." Light-blue flame surrounded me and I was in a dark room. A short, tan-skinned, Bosmer walked over to me.

"The name is Fargoth," he laughed insanely. "You seen my ring? It's an engraved ring of healing. Darn guards, they're always stealing it. I hate them so much, don't you?" I noticed on his finger was a lightly-glowing ring that had engravings on it.

"You have it on you," I told him. "On your finger."

"Liar," he screamed. "For that you'll die." The short elf turned into a blur. Everything faded to black when I saw him stand still. My beating heart still in hand.

"Magnus chose you," Fargoth cackled. "My mother would be a better champion."

Everything went black. I could feel my blood turn to ice as I fell to my knees. I was gone. I wasn't sure if I was alive... Or dead... Or in Sheogorath's dream-world. When I awoke, a golden saint stood in front of me. She wore a golden-scale skirt, with a golden-scale cuirass to match, a pair of boots and gloves, and her wild-blonde mane fell to her shoulders.

"The events in the Trials of Dementia occured. However, it wasn't your heart he removed, it was the Shard of Aetherius," The Golden Saint stated. "The Trials of Mania await." We were in a lightly-lit room and I opened the door and took a step.

I fell, but where was I falling? As I fell, I saw Quick-Strike, J'skooma, Adam, Evangeline, my 'family'... I was falling somewhere, I just didn't know where. I finally hit the ground, it was golden, the entire room was golden. And there was a ceiling about six feet above my head.

I opened the golden-door and looked at where I was about to step. There was a floor, but it was a thin bridge over a gaping abyss. I took a step on it and saw a platform where a portal stood. It looked to be to Cyrodiil where I was. I slowly made my way there and when I entered...I saw something horrible... Evangeline, J'skooma, Quick-Strike, they were all dismembered. And who stood over them? A tall, ash-skinned Dunmer in a suit of black-and-red daedric armor.

"Hello, Kalian," the Dunmer laughed. "Oh, sorry I didn't want guests." I drew my sword.

"I'll kill you Zalphon," I screamed. "Kill you!" My vision turned into red-haze as I flurried wildly. His laugh was like that of a scamp. It chilled my spine. He just kept laughing and talking about how much they moaned and begged.

I felt a sharp blade against my neck and everything went black... I was dead, at least I hoped so...

[Acadian]

Ahah! I knew if I whined enough, you would bring back Evangeline!

Everything about Sheo's realm seems so confusing, never sure what is real and what is not. You are doing a great job of capturing that feeling here.

Oooh, a cliffhanger!

[Zalphon]

Did you not notice what Sheogorath called J'skooma? Quick-Strike and J'skooma tend to have a long, arduous, but most interesting past

[Zalphon]

Chapter Twenty-Two: The Shrine of Sheogorath II

When I reawoke, I was in a pair of red-silk pants and a red-silk shirt. I wore fine, doe-skin shoes. A Golden-Saint smiled at me. "Finally awake," She giggled. "Well, you passed the Trials of Dementia, now for the Trials of Mania."

"Where am I?" I asked. "The Shivering Isles?" I looked around, I was in a similar, golden, cubic room. The Golden Saint handed me a vial with a bubbling green liquid and small, white pebbles in it.

"Drink up, it's good," She told me. Obediently I wrapped my lips around the vial and let the foul-tasting liquid go down my throat. It tasted worse than roast-scamp. Around me, I saw dancing spoons and singing lutes. A beautiful melody was heard.

I looked down and there was a dirt floor hundreds of feet below me. I just laughed. I had a feeling of euphoria. My body crashed into the ground, but it didn't hurt, instead it actually tickled. Out of thin air appeared a fire atronach. "I have a riddle for you," it stated. "Are you ready?"

"Does mudcrab taste like burnt slaughterfish?" I asked rhetorically. "By the Nine, I'm ready."

"What is dark, but also light, but sometimes even both?" The Fiery Daedroth asked.

What was dark, but also light? My "Aunt" Vyra after a few bottles of flin? Or perhaps a Dunmer who got bit by a vampire?

I looked into the sky and saw the moon. It was dark, but also light. "The moon," I exclaimed. "Look, do you see it?"

The Daedroth dissapeared and there sat J'skooma. "J'skooma has the final challenge," J'skooma chuckled. "Ready?" Wow, what could this foolg ive me for a challenge?

"You should know," I said as I fell to the ground when I tried to walk over to him. "Ask me, you furry bundle of fun."

The khajiit held up his right palm which glowed bright blue. He touched my forehead and blackness entangled my vision. I don't know what happened. However, it couldn't of been good.

[Acadian]

Mania - nicely captured!

Fun and crazy. Cleverly done.

Oh yes, I caught Sheo's comment to J'skooma. Made perfect sense given his age and quriks.

[Zalphon]

Chapter Twenty-Three: The Shrine of Nocturnal

I opened my eyes and I was in Cyrodiil. Was it real? Or was this just another game. Quick-Strike asked, "Are you okay, Kalian?"

"Y-yes," I responded. "I was trying to decipher if this was the truth."

Evangeline rushed over and hugged me. "You're okay," she whispered. "Thank the gods."

I nodded and ruffled my hand through my hair. I looked at the map which revealed Nocturnal's was only a few hours away if we made haste. I alerted Quick-Strike of this news, who agreed. For hours we travelled in silence. I guess I should be happy to see Evangeline, but I can't waste time on my own life.

When we reached the Shrine, a spine-chilling darkness was over us. The Shrine depicted a woman with her arms both in one-hundred eighty-degree angles and ravens on them. "What--?" I was interrupted.

"The Champion of Nirn desires my favor," Her echoing voice laughed. "Perhaps. If you succeed in my quest, I'll give you a suit of daedric armor that Dremora wear. If you fail, then well..."

"What is the challenge, Mistress of the Night," I asked.

Nocturnal asked, "Quick-Strike?"

"Your majesty," he kneeled. "How may I be of service?"

"You are my most elite assassin," She said. "Champion, thank Quick-Strike for my favor. He has been a loyal ally to the entire daedric pantheon for years, should their purpose not be malevolent..."

"Your majesty," He humbly responded. "Her childishness only goes so far."

A suit of daedric armor with a sword and tower-shield appeared on the Shrine. I picked it up and took off my current armor. I put on the new suit of armor and smiled. It was not only daedric armor, but enchanted. I could sense the life around me, yet this felt as light as a feather. I could feel my wounds regenerating.

"High Assassin Quick-Strike, may the Champion of Nirn enjoy his armor in the Daedric Civil War," She said.

I grinned at Quick-Strike. Even if he couldn't see it, I knew he noticed it. I looked at the map and sighed deeply. The next shrine was the Shrine of Peryite. The most pathetic of the Daedric Princes, hardly deserving of the title. I sighed oncemore and started to walk.

[ureniashtram]

CODE

Daedric Civil War

Daedric Civil War, so original, right? Where'd you get that? Also, why would it be a 'Civil War' if outside forces ( the Aedra ) are involved? Seriously.

Daedric Civil War. . . Somehow the things 'Mutilation', 'Sincerest Form of Flattery' and 'Songs' comes into my mind, strangely. Ever heard of that song?

This post has been edited by ureniashtram: Jul 9 2010, 02:58 AM

[Zalphon]

Actually no. I wasn't referencing an ingame book if that's what you're mentioning.

[ureniashtram]

Then what, pray tell, are you mentioning? A story made by someone? A failed RP attempt? You piqued my interest, bro.

[Zalphon]

You mentioned some things, I'm not sure if they're in-game books. But no, this is all from my mind.

[Captain Hammer]

I'm not seeing any real challenge here. Kalian shows up, and poof? Daedric armor, with awesome enchantments, shows up simply because one of his companions?

Good drama is conflict. It's an actual challenge. It's more than just collecting plot coupons. Particularly when the plot coupons are practically mailed to you.

[Zalphon]

Nocturnal is awefully thankful of her subjects. Don't worry, one free coupon doesn't mean his challenge is anywhere near over. The next is the Loadmaster, remember? The Daedric Prince of Pestilence and Labor? He'll die before he gets a free coupon from Peryite.

Edit: Urenia, I just found your RP, I'm not copying it I promise. I didn't get inspiration from that. I didn't even see it until today.

This post has been edited by Zalphon: Jul 9 2010, 03:47 AM

[ureniashtram]

Sure, sure. Methinks is ok. Jar-Jar go away now. (cackles madly)

Seriously though, Daedric Civil War used to be my 'Main Jewel of the Crown'. I even made a FanFic version of it! ... But all good things must come..

Got's to agree with Capt'n here. Hopefully, our Taskmaster should give Kallian an interesting quest.

This post has been edited by ureniashtram: Jul 9 2010, 03:53 AM

[Zalphon]

That was a bit before my time Urenia. I only came here a few months ago. Sorry if it's similar, but I only used Daedric Civil War to say that it's a war between the daedra. I'll rename it Wasn't meant to be a mimic of yours. Honestly. And have you seen how different this is from your RP?

[Captain Hammer]

There's more to the whole plot coupon thing.

The best allegory that I can give is the Knights of the Nine expansion. Two different quests, similar rewards, but two very different procedures. Kynareth and Julianos. And Julianos is the far more enjoyable quest.

spoiler
For Kynareth, all one has to do is A) show up at a shrine, B) head over to a grove, C) not fight back as a bear attacks you, or simply use the Crusader's Helm Calm spell on the beast, and D) head into the grotto to grab the boots. That is literally the entire walkthrough for that quest.

For Julianos and the Shield of the Crusader? It's a long, highly intricate dungeon crawl. The place is teeming with invading conjurers that you have to put down, and the whole place is a maze. You have to proceed carefully, avoiding the dart traps while optionally leading your enemies into them. There are areas that are connected but not directly passable, meaning an enemy alerts to you, then runs off and shows up behind you while you're busy dealing with her two buddies. Getting past the actual puzzles requires concerted effort, repeat attempts, and a logic-elimination game that could be found on the LSAT. An actual walkthrough for the whole thing is an entire story post in and of itself for a KotN fanfic. And it is far more enjoyable for that. When you grab the shield, you feel that you've actually accomplished something. It's one part relief that the ordeal is over, one part regret that it was so much fun and that playing through it again requires a reload, or a new game, one part satisfaction that you were better than the challenge.
/spoiler

That's what good narrative is. It's the difference between the Odyssey, and somebody saying "Odysseus spent nine years trying to get home. First he hit the Cyclopes' island, then he visited Circe, then he made a quick trip to the underworld where he learned about the suitors, then he got shipwrecked and spent half a decade with Calypso, then he finally got home and killed the suitors in his own hall."

My above quote is worse than the SparkNotes version. Homer would take multiple nights to sing that tale (it was originally performed as poetry, set to background music).

My method will be forgotten until the next time a literature professor points out the importance of narrative to her class. I know that what I am saying has been said before, but just not to me or anybody I've talked with. It won't be recorded for history, despite existing at multiple points in time. Homer might not have actually existed. But 4 billion people have heard of Odysseus and the Odyssey.

This post has been edited by Captain Hammer: Jul 9 2010, 05:02 AM

[Zalphon]

Chapter Twenty-Four: The Shrine of Peryite

The travel to Peryite’s shrine was short compared to some of the others. When we finally reached it, we noticed that the ground around it had become marsh-like terrain with a miasma of disease about it. “Home,” Quick-Strike commented. “Just like home…”

The Shrine itself was pristine, not a single crack, not a single piece of moss. The dragon was finely carved. It was on a raised area of land. “Mortal,” the Taskmaster’s echoing voice barked. “You come for my favor? I will grant you a shield of power that can help you destroy enemy spellcasters.”

“What must I do,” I asked inquisitively. “Drink a vial of a blighted man’s blood? Organize Mora’s realm?”

“My task will require you prove yourself. You must fight in the Tournament of the Nine Blights. Ash Woe Blight, Ash-Chancre, Black-Heart Blight, Chanthrax Blight, Sanies Lupines, Serpigninous Dementia, Cannibal’s Prion, Scalon Blight,” Peryite explained.

“That’s only eight,” I said. “What is the ninth?”

“Porphyric Hemophilia, the one you will have during the Tournament,” Peryite laughed. “If you survive the Tournament of the Nine Blights, then you’ll receive the prize.”

“When do I go to the Tournament of the Nine Blights?”

“Now,” Peryite cackled. A portal appeared showing an ancient Dunmeri Ancestral Tomb. I entered. Nine vampires were in the dome-shaped room.

“You are our Champion in the Tournament of the Nine Blights?” the Altmeri Female growled. “Nevermind, I am Eldafire, the Ancient of Clan Aundae. I will bless you with the Divine Gift of Vampirism.”

Eldafire grabbed my back. She tore off my helm and bit into my neck. The anguish felt like two small daggers being plunged into my neck. I obediently took it. The Tournament of the Nine Blights would be interesting. Eldafire was basically my caretaker until the Tournament starts.

She let go of me and muttered under his breath. I fell to the ground, asleep before I hit the ground. Eldafire was obviously powerful. She survived the Summerset Wars of 4E 373 when the Summerset Isles tried to declare themselves as their own empire. Now Altmer are as rare as ebony. They can be seen once in a while, but there are very few survivors.

I let the sleep take hold of me. I would need all the energy I could get for the Tournament… Strange dreams haunted me while I slept. They were of me holding a baby who turned to ash in the day-light and blew away in the wind. A vision or a side-effect of the disease?

[Acadian]

Nocturnal. Once again, Kalian's allies and thier long pasts prove their worth and value.

Peryite. This sounds interesting. I'm looking forward to how the tournament goes.

[Zalphon]

Chapter Twenty-Five: The Tournament of the Nine Blights

Three days had passed since the day I was bit. The fatigue I felt was gone and replaced with a sense of power, raw, untamed power. I grabbed a vial of Imperial Blood and sipped it. The flavor was divine, it tasted slightly of grapes.

Eldafire hissed, “Today is the first day of the Tournament, Lord Iraak will take you to the Dueling Grounds.” Out of the shadows appeared a Dunmeri Vampire. He was completely bald, light-skinned, blood-red eyes, and fangs. He made a motion for me to follow, which I did.

He led me out of the Dunmeri Ancestral Tomb, eight other buildings were in a circle around a raised steel platform. It had stairs up into it, and a steel cage. Peryite hovered above the cage and roared, “The Tournament of the Nine Blights begins today. The fight is the Champion of Sanies Lupines versus the Champion of Serpigneous Dementia.” The sunlight wasn’t natural, but it affected the werewolves like a full-moon.

Charging in was a furry-humanoid. He had light-brown fur and a wolf-like tail. His snout was canine-like. Going into the cage was also a man in iron chain-mail with a steel long-sword. The man sighed, “Let’s get this over with. My life is worthless anyway”

The feral dog bolted across the cage as soon as Peryite shouted, “Begin.” The fight was over as quickly as it started. The chain-mail clad warrior was torn limb-from-limb in a matter of seconds.

The cage-doors opened and the werewolf darted back to his mead-hall. Out of thin-air appeared a scamp who started to clean up the dead Nord. As soon as the Nord was gone, Peryite shouted, “Porphylic Hemophelia versus Ash-Woe Blight!”

Obediently I walked towards the steel-platform. I wore my suit of Daedric Armor. The enchantments were short-lived as the magic faded from it as soon as the sunlight hit it. A drooling Breton male with brownish-blonde hair wondered into the cage with help of the scamps. The Breton had a wooden spoon in his hand and a loincloth on.

“Begin,” Peryite yelled. The Breton started to hit itself with the spoon. Ash-Woe Blight affected the mind in horrible ways, I felt horrible as I beheaded him. The Scamps came out and cleaned up the cage. I left and silently headed into my quarters. I was disgusted with this entire Tournament.