Buffy the Bowgirl, Book 1, Thread 1, Do You Know the Way to Kvatch? Options

[DarkZerker]

The creation disobeys the creator! Yay for paradox! Poor Buffy will never win will she?

[SubRosa]

A fun - and informative - installment of our favorite Bosmer bowgirl. We see Buffy grappling with the issues every new adventurer faces. What works? What does not? The realization that thinking and tactics are even more important that raw power. Things that she can only learn from the experiences she is now having.

We also see her grappling with the issue of her own identity. What is a mage supposed to look like? Act like? By the end we see her coming to the classic Buffy conclusion that she can only be herself. That is a revelation that many people never achieve, and suffer because of it.


I couldn't figure out a way to blame Acadian for this, so I had to admit it was because I got lazy and overconfident.
I loved this.


"Would you like to wait for someone who looks like a mage?"
This is so Buffy!

[haute ecole rider]

Like Rosa, I loved the way Buffy figured out her tactics in that cavern. Archery in such close quarters is so difficult, especially with targets that are resistant to poison.

Again, the 'don't look like a mage' stuff! I shouldered the bow, lifted my chin and planted both hands on my hips. "Would you like to wait for someone who looks like a mage?"

I loved this! The tart rejoinder is classic Buffy!

Also her thoughts on how to dress, and Acadian's slyly diplomatic response. I can tell he has lived many years with a woman!

[Olen]

Good stuff, she gets a bit lazy and just about gets burned for it, nice following of the arc from confidence to (near) death... Certainly she's discovering the difficulty archers face in confined spaces.

I'm also enjoying her 'what should I look like?' quandry.

twice dead flesh

Another great line there.

from the guilds at Kvatch, then Anvil

Ahhh... I wondered how you were going to have her go there, very neat and unforced.

[Winter Wolf]

I am clapping my hands with excitement here. Wow! This chapter just sings off the page.

You have beautifully mastered the show / tell aspect of fiction writing and I am really enjoying the description that you are weaving in there. Bravo, my friend. I can see that you are making an effort to improve that side of your writing and this old duck cannot help but smile. It must give you pleasure to see the fruits of all the hard work you are putting in. More, more!

The balance in the story is great too, Buffy has gone from the stain the greaves girl, to the learning her craft girl. She is not quite the deadly bowgirl we all know and love yet. I am really enjoying the following of this progress.

I am tickled pink to be considered her Aussie Godfather. Please tell Buffy the shack next door is always open to her. You never know when her or City-Swimmer might have to hide from the guards. Thanks!

[D.Foxy]

And the development of Buffy grows apace.

I find that others have made my points before me, so all I will say is, THANK YOU for entertaining us, and kudos for your writing skills development!!!

[Destri Melarg]

As ever your description of the archer’s tactics in the close confines of the cave is excellent, and Erthor is laugh out loud funny. His running monologue while Buffy leads him from the cave is just priceless.

Like Foxy I am left echoing what everyone else has already said. Congratulations on yet another stand-out chapter!

[Remko]

I agree with Destri. Erthor is annoying as hell in the game but you made him into a character one can laugh about and actually adore. (dare I say; kinda what I have done with Fagoth.. errm I mean Fargoth in Rales' Memoires?)

Keep it up m8!

[Zalphon]

Very enjoyable Buffy.

[Acadian]

Chapter 11 found Buffy fighting zombies in Bleak Flats Cave to rescue a missing mage and earn her University recommendation from the Skingrad guild.

Zerker- Thanks. Buffy and Acadian are slowly learning to understand and appreciate each other. Buffy does feel a little out of place in her guild of mages. Somehow though, I suspect the guild will change before Buffy's weaponry and manner of dress does.

SubRosa- I intended for Buffy to display her gradual tactical learning curve as well as ponder her own identity, hopefully punctuated by the irritatingly delightful prattle of Erthor. Thank you so much for your affirmation.

Rider- Thank you for complimenting Buffy's tactics in close quarters. The scene with Buffy and Erthor was pure joy to write and I'm so pleased you liked it.

Acadian has been 'dressed down' by Buffy on numerous occasions. It was refreshing for him to be able to add some clever insight in his response to Buffy's fashion question. Doubly delicious to do so using her own words.

Olen- 'What should I look like' spawns from the game's lack of archers that use magic. Should she join the fighters guild like most archers, when she refuses to touch a melee weapon? Or the mages guild when she dresses like a light scout with a longbow? She has made her choice, but certainly wrestles with her one of a kind image.

Yes, she is in for a surprise in the next city. Make no mistake, she is not a Champion of Cyrodiil kind of girl. Nevertheless, the impact of what she finds in Kvatch will remain with her and affect her path.

Wolf- You are a long term connoisseur of BF, and I am honored that you are enjoying some of the revisions and refinements in style and content we are striving for. Thank you.

Foxy- Friend Foxy, you provided the precise mix of technical assistance, craft advice and encouragement when I most needed it as a novice early in the original telling of Buffy's story. I so appreciate your help, allowing me to do a little better justice to my bowgirl.

Destri- Thank you for complimenting Buffy's tactics. If necessity is the mother of invention, Buffy's refusal to touch melee weapons certain creates a lot of necessity! As I told Rider, Erthor was simply a joy to write.

Remko- I'm so glad it seems my irritatingly charming intent for Erthor seemed to come through. Thank you.

Zalphon- Thank you. Buffy is delighted you are enjoying her story.

* * *

12 The Heart of a Lion

The rumbling crackle of thunder was almost constant. Streaks of red lightning danced across a black sky, illuminating the dead trees. Monstrous curved spikes protruded from the ground in front of the walls surrounding Kvatch. Flames licked the ominous opening that could only be a gate to the planes of Oblivion itself. What manner of horror was this?

"Stand back civilian! This is no place for you. Get back to the encampment at once." I knew this had to be Savlian Matius. Everyone in the dismal tent camp at the base of this mountain had talked about his heroics in getting them out of the city to safety. I stood frozen as the captain of the city guard, clad in mail with white and black surcoat approached. He carried a round white shield, adorned with the black head of a wolf - the symbol of Kvatch.

"W-what happened here?" I stammered, overwhelmed at the scene before me.

"We lost the damned city, that's what happened! It was too much. Too fast. We were overwhelmed. Couldn't even get everyone out. There are still people trapped in there. Some made it to the chapel. But some," he closed his eyes briefly, then scowled in anguish, "were just run down in the streets. The Count and his men are still holed up in the castle and now we can't even get into the city to help them with that damned Oblivion gate blocking the way!" The Imperial's face was illuminated by flames coming from that very gate. His brown eyes were wracked with pain and anger, the black headband and closely cropped brown hair were soaked with sweat and blood. He and a handful of his men were the only obstacles standing between this flaming gate and Cyrodiil.

"What will you do now?" I felt tiny, and my words seemed insignificant.

"The only thing we can do. We'll try to stand our ground, that's what. If we can't hold this barricade, those beasts could march right down and overrun the encampment. I have to try and protect the few civilians that are left." He shook his head and repeated, "It’s the only thing we can do now."

A pale goblin-looking creature with a tail burst through the gate. I recognized it from books about Daedra as a scamp. The guard captain's blade sang from its scabbard as he and his men immediately charged the beast and slew it.

Savlian returned to me, shaking his head in desperation. "My home! My damn home in flames. It kills me that I can't get in there and do something. We couldn't have been any less prepared for this. Seems like they came out of nowhere. There were just so many of them. If only I had a way to strike back at the enemy. But we can't leave the barricade until that Oblivion gate is closed."

"You are a hero to those down in the encampment. They owe their lives to you." My heart was breaking for this courageous, selfless man standing before me. I reached up and briefly touched his cheek with my hand. His face was young, but bore the scars of too many battles. I tried to smile, as tears came to my eyes. "I can see you are carrying the weight of this city on your shoulders. This gate threatens the entire Empire. I'm sure the Legion will send soldiers to help. I-I wish I could ease your pain."

He managed a tired, grim smile in return. "Thank you. By what are you called?"

"My name is Buffy, from Bravil."

"Well, Buffy from Bravil, I will remember your kindness, and I will remember you. Hopefully you are right and the Legion will send help. Maybe when it's safe again. . . . Maybe, I mean, I hope, perhaps you will come back. For now though, you're in grave danger here. You'd best leave. There's no telling when more of them will come out of that Oblivion gate."

"Someday, I will come back, Savlian Matius." I meant it. As I started backing away, I couldn't tear my eyes from the burning city of Kvatch, or this noble man with the heart of a lion, standing against the horrors inside that flaming gate.

"Buffy!" Savlian boomed over the thunder, "My tent in the encampment. There's a spare Kvatch shield. Take it with you."

I nodded as I continued backing away. Another beast emerged from the gate. The hissing scamp crouched, scanning for a target. As if fed by the nearby flames, a ball of fire was forming in his bony hands. Savlian and his men charged forward again. I turned away, and headed down the hill towards the encampment.

"Yes, Savlian Matius," I whispered, "I will come back."

This post has been edited by Acadian: Jul 28 2010, 11:25 PM

[haute ecole rider]

And zing! Buffy's in love! I've known for some time that Buffy has the same taste in men that I do! It was a joy to see Savlian again - he holds a special place in my heart, of all the Oblivion NPC's.

Wonderful job describing the devastation that is Kvatch. It's sad that we never get to see it whole. Realistically, it would take years to bring the town back to where it was, assuming that finances and logistics would even allow it. Kvatch is unique in its location on top of a high mesa (and it even has water!) - an ideal location for a fortress. Bravil has its "moat," but none of the other major towns in Cyrodiil has the defensive properties that make Kvatch so ideal as a redoubt.

This chapter is short, but sublimely sweet even so. Here we meet the man who provides the driving force for so many of Buffy's future actions. Buffy is a typical woman in that sense!

[hazmick]

This is brilliant. Buffy is a truly great character and although she may not be a mighty hero that runs around slaying monsters, she is still a hero to all who read these journal entries (i think everyone else will agree) and i am honoured to have read this and experienced Cyrodiil's true nature. not the nature i see when i run through oblivion with the difficulty slider to the left and not becoming attached to any of my characters. I think you will be pleased to hear that these wonderful stories have prompted me to begin a journey with a character not to dissimilar to Buffy who will go on a life journey, rather than a game.

[Destri Melarg]

Thankfully for the people of Kvatch there is no justice, even in the world of the Elder Scrolls. If there were justice then Savlian Matius would be a Watch Captain in the Imperial City and Audens Avidius would be manning the barricade outside of Kvatch. Where would the city be then?

It seems like that poor man has been guarding that gate and killing scamps forever! Yet I know that this is only the beginning. You express Buffy’s feelings toward Savlian beautifully, and you leave no doubt in your reader’s minds that this is not the last time that we will see the city of Kvatch.

[Olen]

Definately a short chapter, though I did suspect to see more of a nod to the main quest I'm glad you didn't, having Buffy clear an oblivion gate (at least at the moment) wouldn't seem very likely to me. It did make an effective introduction for Savlian though. And the promise of seeing Kvatch later, I'm interested to see how you make it during/after it's recovery.

And now I suspect on the Anvil for the final reccomendation...

This post has been edited by Olen: Jul 28 2010, 08:07 PM

[DarkZerker]

Yay! Buffy falls in love. I hope you expand on that a bit more. The Kvatch scene was pretty realistic, no one girl army.

[SubRosa]

Short and sweet, yet it deftly sets the hook into Buffy. It is not hard to see that Savlian Matius will never be far from Buffy's future thoughts, or goals.

"Someday, I will come back, Savlian Matius."
Methinks this is no mere promise, but prophecy!


nits:
Streaks of red lightening danced across a black sky,
I think you meant lightning there.


I stood frozen as the captain of the city guard, <?> in white and black mail approached.
It feels like you missed a word where I put the <?>, clad perhaps, or girded, etc...? Also, his mail itself ought to be grey (or silvery). I think you meant the surcoat to be white and black?

This post has been edited by SubRosa: Jul 28 2010, 11:15 PM

[DarkZerker]

"Yes, Savlian Matius," I whispered, "I will come back."

Epic foreshadowing maneuver!

[Winter Wolf]

Ahh, Buffy and the MQ, something I have been waiting six months for. Awesome!
It is a very interesting path that Buffy has gone down. Both Jauffre and Savlian will not forget their first glimpse of the blond haired mystic archer.
Both for different reasons, of course.

I know that the forces arrayed against Cyrodiil have yet to face a foe like our Buffy, long may they rue the day that they decided to invade our green land.

[treydog]

Forgive me Acadian, for having neglected to reply for so long. And Buffy, your forgiveness I crave, as well. But enough of that- let’s talk stories!

The “conversations” with the Emperor are so wonderfully “Buffy.” “…Emperor stuff, I guess.”

And I appreciate the character history you weave seamlessly into the story.

Several excellent touches to fit the game mechanics to Buffy’s story- e.g., Baurus having her fill out papers to process her pardon.

The new merchant moving in and the Arena scenes are masterful additions; you have breathed a lot of life into the I.C.

The “toss you overboard and let you swim” was priceless. Reminds me of the swabbies who used to tell the complaining ground-pounders- “If you don’t like it, you can always get out and walk. It’s only 20 miles to the nearest land.”

And Buffy deciding to just casually visit the Shivering Isles- yep, she is definitely 18. At least if I recall my own attitude at that age correctly…. “It’ll be fine. What could possibly go wrong?” And Mama and Papa Treydog get some more grey hairs.

I will say more when I have a chance to read more. I have no desire to rush through the chapters- I want to savor every moment.

[Zalphon]

The description of Kvatch was great