Death and Healing - A Journal Options

[Acadian]

Your edit on part three is delightful. You show us everything we need to know, but do so via wonderful dialogue and action. Nicely done!


A recommendation. Do some digging and research on dialogue punctuation. There are plenty of helpful websites that can help. Here's one: http://www.be-a-better-writer.com/punctuate-dialogue.html
Then go through your story and see about some minor tweaks. Just one example:

"You’ve saved all of our lives countless times.” Replied Tsiya.

What you want here is: "You've saved all our lives countless times," replied Tsiya.
Replied is a speech tag. When it follows the dialogue you want to precede it with a comma and not capitalize it.

[SubRosa]

Wow, this is a just a stunning change to what had gone before! Bravo Count! This is exactly the difference between showing and telling.

“Happy birthday, beautiful” he said. His face taking on a very red hue. And judging by what I felt, mine was too.
This was an interesting exchange. I wonder if there was something in that? Or is it just too many romance movies on my part?

It’s with experience that this one speaks.”
And in the third person too! Exactly as the Argonians do in the game. That is one of the touches I always liked in the game, and I am glad to see you kept it for the HF.

I see it was not just the estrogen bubbling in me after all. Azrael does have the hots for our Helena! But what is this at the ending? The city guard bursts in? After Helena! Poor cliff, taken to the gallows again!

[mALX]

Just got a chance to read Part 3 of the Prologue, and loved it !!! I hope Azreal (keep thinking of Gargamel's cat when I read that name, lol) makes it, but it didn't sound good at all !!! Left us on a cliffhanger too, GAAAAH !!! Great Write, and an intriguing story !!!

[Count Lauriel]

Perhaps I shouldn't leave you guys with cliffhangers when I'm dealing with writers block. It can't be much fun

In any case, I'm starting to get the creative juices flowing again, I've written a bit more, but not much.

However, as those of you on the forum-that-must-not-be-named may have seen, I was made homeless on monday. I'm in the process of dropping out of college, finding work and getting myself on my feet. Naturally that means there's even less consistency with my posts (can they get less consistent?).

Despite this, I am still writing with Helena. I may not have access to my xbox, but she and I have travelled plenty enough to be able to write a fair few chapters in the meantime. It distracts me from the issues of finding a place to live, etc. At least for a while.

My humble apologies to you, my beloved readers, with the lack of development with Helena's journal. I'm not gonna lie, she's pretty peeved at me for it >.> I'll try and start posting more regularly, but I can't promise anything.

Thank you all for the kind words and support.

PS: Acadian, I'll be sure to check that out, thanks!

This post has been edited by Count Lauriel: May 11 2011, 02:42 PM

[mALX]

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through, Count Lauriel. Have you talked to your college guidence office? They may be able to find ways to keep you in college: programs that would assist you in finding work affiliated with the college itself, dorm areas, hardship scholarships, etc.

I will be thinking of you and hoping your situation gets resolved in such a way that you don't have to give up the college, because that degree will impact your future positively.

Good Luck <3