Memory that wasn't., The story of a schizophrenic Nord Options

[xavier]

THE BLACK HORSE COURIER
SPECIAL EDITION

THE 'TALL, DARK, STRANGER' STRIKES AGAIN!

TALES OF A TALL DARK WARRIOR HAVE BEEN CIRCLING AROUND CYRODIIL. LEGENDS OF THE MAN THAT WASN'T ANYWHERE. FOR TEN YEARS, A STRANGER HAS BEEN DOING QUESTS, GAINING FAME, AND CREATING STORIES. WE HAVE INTERVIEWED TEN CIVILIANS THAT CLAIMED TO HAVE SEEN HIM.

"MY SONS WERE GOING OFF TO THE FAMILY FARM TO RID OUR PROPERTY OF GOBLINS. A MAN CAME UP AS THEY WERE HEADING TO ODIIL FARM, AND ASKED IF HE COULD HELP. HE DID, AND AS SOON AS THE GOBLINS ARRIVED, HE SHOT 'EM DOWN WITH A BOW! HE ACTUALLY MANAGED TO GET THREE GOBLINS WITH ONE ARROW! IMAGINE THAT! " SAYS ONE MAN, NAME UNDISCLOSED, IN CHORROL.

"HE BROKE OUT OF THE BRUMA JAIL, ONCE. KILLED THREE GUARDS, LATER FOUND TO BE CURRUPT, TO GET OUT!" EXCLAIMS A BRUMA JAILER.

"HE SAVED ME FROM A HORDE OF WOLVES!" A YOUNG WOOD ELF TELLS. "JUST RAN UP AN' SLAUGHTERED THEM ALL! HE WAS AMAZING! JUST ONE SLICE OF HIS SWORD, AN' HALF OF 'EM ARE DEAD!"

LOOK FOR NEXT BLACK COURIER INTERVIEWS ABOUT THE 'TALL, DARK, STRANGER'.

I rubbed my head, and tried to remember doing any of those things. I remembered the Bruma jail, all right... but...

"Hey, sir, move it, will ya?" called an old toothless butcher carting a load of dead sheep. I stepped out of the road, and sat down on an old hollow stump. Something rattled inside. I leaped back, and approached the stump cautiously. I kicked it. Another rattle. I found myself turning it over, and saw... a letter. But even I knew that letters don't rattle. I opened it up. Inside was 500 septims - and a letter telling a silencer (whatever that was) to kill someone named Alval Uvani.

I frowned. An assassins guild quest? Just then, the sound of a horse running downhill reached me. My eyes widened as I took in the rider. It was a tall, pale girl with emerald green eyes and black hair. "Put that down!" she snarled. I quickly dropped the letter and bag of septims, and backed away.

"Did you read this?" She demanded.

"Yes," I said softly.

"It seems I will have to kill you." She launched herself at me and attacked. She was good, but not good enough. After a minute or three, her black stygian iron sword, now beat up and rather cracked, skittered out of her hand and fell onto the dusty road. Her eyes narrowed as she took me in.

"Who are you?" she snapped. I decided that the assassin wasn't one to take kindly to being defeated.

"As a matter of fact," I began slowly, "I have absolutely no idea."

"Oh, please," she scoffed. "Not the amnesiac thing."

"I never said I was an amnesiac. I'm a nomad, adventurer, and otherwise quest-doer."

"Oh, a mamma's boy. Lovely."

I frowned at her. "No. An adventurer. Don't worry.I kill people too."

"If thats so, then why aren't you in the Assassins Guild?"

"No idea," I said. "Maybe I'm not bad enough."

This post has been edited by xavier: Jan 26 2011, 04:16 AM

[Zalphon]

"No idea," I said. "Maybe I'm not bad enough."

That line...is perfect. I can sense the sarcasm in his tone.

[Thomas Kaira]

"Oh, please," she scoffed. "Not the amnesiac thing."

Gotta love those presumptuous assassin-types.

"Hey, sir, move it, will ya?" called an old toothless butcher carting a load of dead sheep.

Liked this description here.

Interesting take on having the Dark Brotherhood questline occurring alongside your own storyline and meeting the assassin responsible. Wonder what will happen next here? Will he take the contract for himself (or his other self)? Or will he just leave it alone? Only time will tell.

Nits:

KILLED THREE GUARDS, LATER FOUND TO BE CURRUPT
Typo.

On the topic of the first paragraph, posting in all caps is pretty iffy. It tends to hurt the eyes and gives the impression that you are shouting, which can be a bit of a put-off in this case as it's the first thing the reader sees. It might be better if you Italicize the words, instead.

[Shadowgale]

*Said brightly with a funny gleam in her eye that shows that she's responsible for something bad*

Maybe the typing machine for the Black Courier broke.

Gotta love me and my stunts.

Its good! I like!

I agree with TK. You should really get them to print the article write (pun intended).



This post has been edited by Shadowgale: Jan 21 2011, 12:08 AM

[Acadian]

Welcome to the forum!

Intriguing concept and introduction. We do not really have a feel for your character yet, perhaps because he is not sure of his situation himself.

[mALX]

I love the Black Horse Courier article !!! That was so cool to bring in the "Hero's" exploits - and that no one knows who it is - I love that beginning.

You can portray the Black Horse Courier as you did, or use a different type, or bold it - anything to denote it is seperate from the story, we each have our own way of showing it. Acadian uses a different font, I do a full (something like this:)

THE BLACK HORSE COURIER
SPECIAL EDITION

THE 'TALL, DARK, STRANGER' STRIKES AGAIN!

Tales of a tall dark warrior have been circling around Cyrodiil ... etc.

However you choose to do it, it was a great idea and a terrific way to get the background of your character into the story without info-dumping. Great beginning, Xavier!!!

[xavier]

mALX: Thanks for the advice! How do you do the font thing?

Acadian:Thank you!

Shadowgale: I detect a trouble-maker! Yeah, I told the Courier not to do it that way... maybe someone did mess it up . Not me, I was in Assassins guild... Great story (Nowhere, Now Here), by the way!

Thomas Kaira: Thanks! I need a nit finder, my spelling's really bad. Plus, I've only played Oblivion, so.

Zalphon: Hahaha, yeah, sometimes *blank* can be a little too cocky.

All: Thanks for reading! Next up, part 2!

************

"Not bad enough?!" said the assassin.

"I was being sarcastic..."

The assassin blew air out her nose, looking particularly disgruntled. I edged away from her angry face and picked up her sword. "Here," I said, flipping the black katana around and handing her the handle. She scowled at me and turned away. "I'll just be going now..." I began, but she spun back around and said,

"I don't think so. You know to much. Maybe I'll take you to the guild... Yes, I think I will."

"And how, may I ask, will you do that? I seem to have already proven my superior fighting skills, and I, unlike you, have a working sword, and-"

"And I have something you don't," she cut in. "I can tell, your palms are unblemished, unlike those who use this particular skill. Mine, for instance, are cut with a symbol of power..." she grinned evilly at me. "lets see how you like this, 'quest-doer'."

Her palms unclenched and let out a fiery blast. I ducked sideways, and stared at her in horror.

She could do magic.

[Acadian]

What a wonderful description of the assassin having the power of magic. This was VERY well done!

[mALX]

SubRosa provided this on another thread, you can just click on "quote" for this comment, and then copy this and paste it into your story:







*

- or if you like the typed one, copy and paste this into your story (and just type the headline you want at the bottom).

THE BLACK HORSE COURIER
SPECIAL EDITION

THE 'TALL, DARK, STRANGER' STRIKES AGAIN!

Tales of a tall dark warrior have been circling around Cyrodiil ... etc.

*

This post has been edited by mALX: Jan 24 2011, 02:52 PM

[xavier]

How does it look?

[Thomas Kaira]

Much better.

[TheOtherRick]

Welcome fellow newbie!

I'll be following this one. Being a newbie myself, I haven't gotten in on the ground floor of many of these. I think this might be my first ever first post reply.

Keep up the good work!