Light through Darkness, Book 2, are we truly safe now? Options

[SubRosa]

Gum disease! Those dirty bastiches!

It made Faith wonder why she had yet to find someone to settle down with, despite her insatiable desire for work
Perhaps she is looking for the right red-headed wood elf forester?

and Mara knows Teresa would never forgive me if I missed her shoot.
Apparently she is!

“I will notify White Wolf once I return,”
Elric of Melnibone? Yikes! I would not want to be on the same planet as that guy, it isn't healthy...

A very intriguing scene between Lucian Lacroix Lachance and Vincente. The plot has certainly thickened there! I wonder what Vincente's tie to the Ancient is? I do have to admit though, that the very end gave me a faint smile, as Antoinetta emerged from his coffin!

This post has been edited by SubRosa: May 24 2011, 07:35 PM

[Acadian]

Three mysterious scenes.

A pair of vampires. One sorting out Fingers of the Mountain and the other planning to stalk his prey via the Bravil underground.

Tadrose and Faith lamenting how fast news gets around. So Faith decides to 'head 'em off at the pass' and go to Anvil.

And the Dark Brothers Lucien and Vincente with some definite family tension. Loved the end, Antoinetta in the box.

[mALX]

WOO HOO! Tadrose, Teresa, the tourney, Lucien ... and ... SPEW!!! Vicente and Antoinetta caught in a compromising coffin, ROFL !!!!

I found it very interesting that the Ancient uses Skooma for enhancing sexual pleasures, I had the same exact idea for its use (surprisingly, in Bravil as well, lol).


Great Write!

[Grits]

Skooma as blood seasoning, nice. I suppose that’s better for the donor than pain or terror. Antoinetta in the coffin is the new Venus on the half shell! Now you have given me an image I won’t forget!!

A great update on the tempest of intrigue that surrounds Derelas. Pretty soon I’m going to have to start taking notes.

[mALX]

Antoinetta in the coffin is the new Venus on the half shell! Now you have given me an image I won’t forget!!

People that eat roadkill call Armadillo, "Possom on the Halfshell."

[Thomas Kaira]

@SubRosa: You know how much I adore your hot-tempered Forester! If I may say so, I am also awestruck by how comfortable Teresa is with her sexuality, and how well you manage to bring it across to the viewer. She has never once backed down from the fact that she prefers estrogen over testosterone, and I applaud you for that, in this here day and age where the U.S. is so horribly prejudiced against same-sex relationships. I can only dream of having character as strong as that.
Oh, and every faint smile from you is much appreciated. Thank you very much.

@Acadian: That segment was largely geared toward letting the reader know I am not letting my loose plot threads dangle. It was a sort of "gather the strings together" moment in the story, one which also gave me an excuse to let you know where things stood in Bravil with the Tourney, as well. I have decreed that Derelas is definitely going to miss the tournament, but it is still going on in the background. There is plenty that happens in the background with this tale, and I do that mainly to help cement the readers firmly into the world. And like with 'Rosa, I am glad you got a grin out of the end, I was hoping you would.

@mALX: When it comes to narcotics, I consider Skooma to be something of a mix of Methamphetamine and Ecstasy. Highly intoxicating, and it can be even more helpful than Viagra when it comes to a man "getting it up," but at the same time incredibly addictive and when you come off the high, it makes you extremely twitchy and paranoid. I had to research the effects of Meth during a mock trial event in high school, and the drug is actually a constant problem where I live (since it's so easy to hide the production gear now).

@Grits: And now that that is done, it is time to break out the canvas and oil paints. I shall be famous for this one day! I will dethrone the Mona Lisa with this indescribable imagery (or I'll get tossed into the asylum, but the way I see it, I win either way).

next: The next segment contains a cameo from one of the characters in Jerric's Story, on which I consulted Grits to ensure I had the characterization correct and to obtain approval for the usage of said character, as well. I hope you enjoy the guest appearance.

Chapter 9-3: An Icy Return

The golden-skinned, long-eared Altmer laid her warm hand upon the icy cold forehead of the walnut-haired Bosmer in the bed where next she sat. Her thoughts were an utter mess of uncertainty that even for one as logical and knowledgeable of the workings of the world as she could be, she could not get over the idea that she might have overstepped her bounds this time. The Bosmer’s forehead was so cold that if it weren’t for the fact his heart still beat on, she would have given him up for lost. The thought that he might have been killed, despite everything that was done to ensure safety, then hit her heart like an anvil crashing to Nirn.

“Derelas, I’m so sorry….” Carahil whispered--tears spilling out of her eyes as she cast as good a warming spell as was known to her.

Dusk was falling, and the clear of pre-Zenith had given way to a cool overcast that promised rain the coming day. Carahil was absorbed into her research as she tended the front desk; many books lined the gilded mahogany tabletop. From the room next door to the right, the citrus smell of bergamot reigned as Felen Relas, the Anvil alchemist, brewed together potions that bolstered the body’s ability to fight off disease. It also helped prevent nausea and seasickness, making the potion quite popular, given the location. It’s too bad we haven’t figured out a cure for hangovers yet, though, Carahil thought to herself, leafing through the pages of her book and jotting down a few notes. Such a potion here would make Felen a very rich man indeed.

A loud crash shook Carahil out of her thoughts as the door flew open, and the sight that greeted her caused her blood to turn to ice. The battlemages had returned from the Brina Cross assignment, but they were all working to carry in a familiar wood elf. His skin was badly frostbitten, his clothes had frozen to his body in three places (from what she could tell), and he was unconscious, the only sign of life coming from the faint rising and falling of his chest.

“By the Gods… what happened?!” Carahil nearly screamed, all composure evaporating at the sight of the gravely wounded Bosmer.

“The mage attacked much sooner than we expected,” Arielle Jurard responded, quickly doffing her hood so she could see her way inside. “It was a female Altmer named Caminalda, she pounced before we were ready, and nearly killed him. He didn’t even have a chance to defend himself, no weapons of any kind. Why not?”

“I asked him to leave them behind,” Carahil quickly replied, fighting back another wave of hysterics, and wincing as she nearly bit her tongue off. “You knew why, we needed him to play the part of a convincing target. You were his only line of defense, by Dibella!” Carahil’s temper was nearing exploding point now. How could these imbeciles have fallen behind when they knew that the life of this wood elf depended on them? “And now look what’s happened! You can explain yourselves later, for now, get him to the treatment hall!”

The entourage of confusion hesitated at her words, and Carahil would have none of it.

“What, are you waiting for me to stick a Mudcrab up your behinds?! MOVE!!”

The threesome then sorted themselves out enough to maneuver their precious cargo inside, and hurried towards the back. Arielle moved to follow, but Carahil restrained her with an arm in the doorway.

“You will wait in the library for me to return. We have much to discuss, and I would pray to Dibella that he will survive.”

Arielle gave a dejected nod, and turned to sit among the stacks without a word. Carahil, meanwhile, raced for the treatment room, hoping to the Gods it was not too late to undo the damage that they… she… had caused.




----




A door creaking open broke Carahil’s tearful reverie, and though she did what she could to pull herself together enough to speak to whoever it might have been, it was impossible to hide the tracks on her cheeks.

“Are you all right, Carahil?” A young Breton in a plain brown outfit inquired softly, setting a porcelain cup of tea down on the nightstand beside the bed. “I’ve never seen you like this before, what’s going on?”

A long silence filled the room, but just as the Breton rose to leave, Carahil finally spoke.

“I never should have asked him to go,” she said, her voice heavy with grief and depression. “I should have waited until the mages had a better idea what they were up against.”

“Will he be okay?” the young Breton asked. Carahil turned to view her somber face. Her hair was a matching shade of auburn to her clothes, and though her face was rather plain, it was not unpleasant. On the contrary, her face combined with her equally mundane body did a lot more for her looks than even the roundest of hips could ever hope for. Hers was the face of pure, unconditional compassion, the kind of face capable of warming the heart of even a Frost Atronach.

“So long as we have someone give him warming potions and spells every hour, he should recover,” Carahil replied, “but this never should have happened. I should have waited until we were better prepared.”

“It’s no good crying over spilled potion, Carahil,” the Breton replied, “I can’t bear to dwell on how someone may have been hurt, I just try to focus on what I can do to make them better.”

“I know, Abiene, but this young one nearly died today, and it’s my fault.” Carahil practically sobbed. “Just seeing him come in today, nearly frozen solid, I wouldn’t be surprised if my heart had stopped when I saw him like that. Dwelling on how people may have been injured is one thing, but to know you’re responsible?”

“Carahil, please,” Abiene spoke in a low voice that also threatened tears, “please don’t blame yourself. It’s not like you to fall apart like this. There is no one here to blame but that horrible mage who did this to him.”

“But I nearly sent him to his death!” Carahil cried out, her voice breaking. She then buried her face in her hands and heaved a deep sob of regret. “I asked too much of him, and I almost got him killed. How can you begin to live with that on your conscience?”

Abiene said nothing; Carahil suspected she was trying to regain her own composure now, as well. It wasn't normal for her to betray such vulnerability, as she normally put her feelings aside for the task at hand. Impartiality was one of the many virtues she had taught Abiene, and she was certain she had never seen herself in such a vulnerable state before. It was likely as shocking and unnerving a sight for her as it would have been to watch an Oblivion Gate open right in the lobby of the Guild.

Abiene stood, and then went around to Carahil’s side. Helping Carahil to her unsteady feet, she then wrapped her arms around the slim Altmer’s waist, and Carahil felt her pouring every last ounce of compassion and love she had into her. Carahil leaned her head onto Abiene’s shoulder, taking several deep breaths, and struggling to find her strength once again. It was several minutes before they broke apart.

“I can watch over him for now,” Abiene told Carahil, her voice light and tender as she brushed a small lock of hair out of her eyes. “You should go lay down. You need some rest.”

“Thank you, Abiene,” Carahil replied, brushing the Breton’s cheek with her hand. “You make me so proud, seeing how far you have come.”

“Don’t forget your tea,” Abiene spoke with a small smile as Carahil left, prompting her to turn around and pick up the porcelain cup. She then gave it a sniff.

“Chamomile and Lemon Balm…” Carahil recited before sipping it. “And something strong and bitter, too… I would hazard at Motherwort?”

“I thought you could use something calming,” Abiene replied, giving yet another small smile to her mentor as she put her hand to the Bosmer’s forehead. “Jerric turned me on to the Motherwort, but be careful with it, it is quite strong.”

“He always was a fine alchemist.” Carahil mused to herself, though just loud enough for Abiene to hear before asking her a more direct question. “How has he been coping?”

“He still has the night terrors about Kvatch,” Abiene replied, “though he does say it is helping him to drink a calming tea before bed each night. It’s how he introduced me to the idea of using Motherwort, though he prefers I use about three times as much as I put in your own cup.”

Carahil repressed a grimace. “Sometimes, I wonder if Nords even taste what they eat, they wolf it down so fast.” She sipped her tea once again. “How long can you watch over him?”

“If he’s the only patient we have right now, I can keep an eye on him for the rest of the day,” Abiene replied, placing a hand to the Bosmer’s forehead, and nearly shivering over how cold it was. “He certainly needs someone right now.”

“And I can think of no one better suited to help him to recovery than you,” Carahil finished for her, draining her cup. “Felen should bring in some warming potions shortly, make sure you give him a dose every hour, and once you feel he’s ready, I’d like you to try to get him out of his clothes, they’ve been grafted on in several places.”

“And the frostbite?” Abiene inquired as Carahil made her way to the door.

“Felen has something to help with that, too. Mind you don’t touch it yourself, as it will burn healthy skin, but it should help heal the frostbite.”

“Thank you, Carahil,” Abiene bade the Altmer as she made her way out, prompting Carahil to pop her head back into the door-frame.

“No, child, thank you,” she said. “Thank you for being there for me.”

----

Post Script: Character Abiene from Jerric's Story used with permission from Grits.

This post has been edited by Thomas Kaira: May 28 2011, 12:52 AM

[haute ecole rider]

Ah, poor Derelas! That frost-bitten mage was just a bit too much for him, eh? And yes, where the heck were those so-called battlemages!

Seeing Carahil like this is saddening, yet wonderful. On the one hand, it's a little scary because she's always so cool and competent, but on the other hand it somehow makes her more real and less like an ice princess.

Abiene here is just wonderful - seeing her like this makes us appreciate even more why Jerric cares so much about her.

[SubRosa]

What, are you waiting for me to stick a Mudcrab up your behinds?
Now that is why people steer clear of those mudcrabs!

I would hazard at Motherwort?
Have you ever wondered why there is no Fatherwort? Doesn't seem fair to you guys...

This was a risky maneuver, writing this section not from the point of view of Derelas as it unfolded, or even as he mused over it in flashback, but instead from a completely different character after the events. But I must say you carried it off brilliantly. The entire episode flows very naturally, and strongly, as if these were the main characters in your tale all along. By doing so you showed us a compassionate side to Carahil that is rarely seen under her usual 'Nun with a Steel Ruler' persona, and gave her much more depth.

Plus you gave us a delicious appearance by everyone's favorite Breton healer - Abiene, and even threw in a mention of Jerric. Now the question is, who will next make a cameo in the DF?


nits:
I am not positive, but it seems like your pov character is shifting back and forth in the second half. At first it seems to be Carahil, as we start with her alone in the room. Then it definitely goes to Abiene, as we are seeing her thoughts about never seeing Carahil this way, pouring her compassion into her, etc...


Edit: Forgot to mention. Teresa is not really all that remarkable. If she were a character living in an IRL setting, she would be all sorts of conflicted over her sexuality, and the repercussions of it. But Tamriel does not have the factors that cause homphobia IRL, and we so no evidence of it in the game. So unlike IRL GLBT people, she has nothing to fear. The worst she gets are people like Simplicia telling her that her same-sex relationships are just immature fooling around, and then when she finally gets serious, she will naturally want a man.

This post has been edited by SubRosa: May 27 2011, 10:48 PM

[Acadian]

Very enjoyable use of flashback and other perspectives to tell the story here - handy as can be since Derelas is indisposed! I see Caminalda lived up to her deadly reputation.

“He still has the night terrors about Kvatch,” Abiene replied,'
Although I suppose one could think that this means Jerric is simply another Kvatch survivor, I'm gonna take it as a signal that Jerric is the Hero of Kvatch in Dere's tale.

'and once you feel he’s ready, I’d like you to try to get him out of his clothes,'
Yes, that Dere trademark clothing problem. . . .

What a joy to see Abiene here! And you did such a nice job of bringing her to us. A nice look at Carahil being less. . . Carahil as well.

Nits?

'The thought that he might have been killed, despite everything that was done to ensure safety, then hit her heart like an anvil crashing to earth.'
Your call, but I would consider Nirn here.

'A door creaking open broke Carahil’s tearful reverie open, and though she did what she could to pull herself together enough to speak to whoever it might have been, it was impossible to hide the tracks on her cheeks.'
This small case of repetition in close proximity could be easily fixed by simply eliminating the second 'open'.

[Lady Syl]

Argh, I've fallen so far behind! So sorry about that--I'm working on catching up again!

Chapter 8.3 and 8.4 review

What a relief that Sylvia the Sylvan Ranger was there to save him from that miserable and lonely death! (btw, I love the name choice--for one thing, I almost made Sylvia Syl's full name, but abandoned that idea for whatever reason...lol).

The air around him exploded as his robes were set aflame by the heat and magnitude of the spells.

I loved this line--what excellent insight! One sometimes forgets the power of electricity--it reminds me of that awful, heart-breaking scene in The Green Mile--great film, btw!

Blue Clues Loved the title! I wonder where you got the idea from...?

"Worst they would've done is kill you."--lol, I thought the very same thing he replied with--some comfort that is!

I also liked the flashback sequence that explained more about the Welkynd Stones. I didn't know that much about them--is that from the lore, or did you come up with the explanation yourself? Either way, very good!

Lol. I like the part where he has to figure out how to knock the stones down from their pedestals--something I think all of us can relate to! Also, his temper when he couldn't get the Step stones to work was priceless! I could just picture the little Bosmer with his hot-temper, getting frustrated with them! Loved all of it! Great write!

This post has been edited by Lady Syl: May 28 2011, 03:09 AM

[Captain Hammer]

It always struck me as odd that Carahil was willing to send you straight into harm's way for a stinking recommendation, and her only help included two battle-mages always following at a distance, as well as protection against frost attacks of only middling decency. Really, unless you're a Nord or Breton with a decent method of dealing with the damage that gets through your natural abilities, Carahil really does send you in way over your head.

I'm glad to see that the potential repercussions are sinking in and reminding her of the human (or in this case, elven) cost of her decisions. She doesn't strike me as the warrior-wizard type, nor as a commander prepared to risk the lives of troops for a clear and necessary objective. She plays at it, concerned to all Oblivion about ethics and responsibility, but not remembering why people can drift from the moral high road.

But more importantly, you impress upon the reader her sense of regret and the second-guesses she makes about herself when Derelas is brought in with frost-wounds. It's the mark of a good commander, somebody that may grow into the role as experience and bad calls (like this one) give her the wisdom to move forward.

[Grits]

Her thoughts were an utter mess of uncertainty that even for one as logical and knowledgeable of the workings of the world as she could be, she could not get over the idea that she might have overstepped her bounds this time.

This sets us up well for Carahil’s emotional state. She is a bit stern and cold in the game, but now we’re ready to see what’s going on in her mind. I’m pleased to see people reacting strongly to Derelas’ frightening state. It shows that they are not intentionally careless with his life, even in a dangerous and violent world. Taking the time in the story to let other characters show us what he can’t really emphasizes how serious the situation is for him.

It sounds like poor Derelas is destined to be naked again. I’m pretty sure Abiene has reached Expert in clothing removal. Hopefully she’ll put him in something modest and comfortable, so when he wakes up he can go straight to being furious.

What an honor and thrill to see Abiene (and hear about Jerric) in your story. I would have recognized her even if you had not used her name, you captured her so well!!

[mALX]

@mALX: When it comes to narcotics, I consider Skooma to be something of a mix of Methamphetamine and Ecstasy. Highly intoxicating, and it can be even more helpful than Viagra when it comes to a man "getting it up," but at the same time incredibly addictive and when you come off the high, it makes you extremely twitchy and paranoid.

That is as perfect a description as I could imagine for what I have always believed Skooma would be like to the user! I agree with your idea of its effects 100% !!!


WHEW! This is one of your most powerful chapters to date! Excellent chapter! Where to begin...first: The fact that Dere was not uber and conquering on the task - his vulnerability is endearing. Carahil's reaction emphasizes that and mirrors what the reader experiences at his near-death state.

Next, your insight into Abiene's personality and function within the guild was spot on perfect, recognizable as Grits's character - wonderful job on that!

I loved the touch of Carahil's sensitive palette! What a great detail one would expect from someone in her position at the Mages Guild!

I loved this chapter, it is my absolute favorite Dere episode to date - Awesome job, Master Chef TK !!! WOO HOO !!!

[Thomas Kaira]

@rider: You hit the nail right on the head there. Carahil is still human... err, elven, under that cool, dispassionate facade. Now was the time for her to show it. Thank you for your words.

@SubRosa: Abiene is only the second true cameo appearance in this tale, after Julian's little tussle in the Wawnet Inn back in Chapter 1. The rest are simply references. Now, the goal of the previous chapter was to show to the viewers the immediate repercussions of what happened at Brina Cross, and to really bring home the point that he was nearly killed in his duty. I'm glad you thought the shift in perspective felt natural. Oh, and on the topic of Teresa, her being comfortable with her sexuality is enough to make me quite proud of her. I do not care for the circumstances, she knows her alignments, and has embraced them.
Nit picked.

@Acadian: That reference to Jerric and Kvatch was deliberately written to keep the Hero of Kvatch anonymous, so that it can still go either way. Many of the Kvatch survivors fled to Anvil when the city was destroyed, so Jerric could definitely have been among them. Or was he the one who destroyed that gate? Time will tell.
Nits picked.

@Lady Syl: Do not fear about falling behind, I do not wish to pressure anyone to read, but simply let them do so at their leisure. If you have prior commitments, so be it. Still, good to see you back with us.
Thank you for your comments.

@Captain Hammer: Your insight into Carahil's reaction is quite well observed, and you have thoroughly brought to light everything I wished for the reader to experience when the read of Carahil reacting to the whole fiasco. Thank you very much!

@Grits: I am humbled that you think so highly of my interpretation of Abiene's character, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing her to appear in this tale! Of course, there is the reason that there is no other healer I would trust the removal of clothing to, either. I'm sure Abiene has had some very good practice there.

@mALX: I thought you would enjoy this one. Your words are much appreciated, dearest coffee-guzzling squirellicoon!

next: A couple days later, it is time for Derelas himself to come to grips with what has happened, and to learn a little something about himself in the process.

Chapter 9-4: Repercussions

I woke in a warmly lit chamber to the sight of pink morning rays, a softly blustering curtain, and a Breton upon whose face was written hazy tiredness mixed with what I could only describe as unbreakable compassion. It was apparent that she had seen my eyes open, because once she was sure I was looking at her, she gave me a small smile as she put her soft healer’s hands to my forehead.

“You're still a bit cold, I’m afraid,” she spoke, her soft voice filling the room with the warmth of empathy to match the vivid light. “You might need to stay here for about a day longer.”

“Where am I?” I asked.

“Back in Anvil,” the woman replied. “You were brought back about two days ago, seriously injured. Carahil has been fretting over you for most of that time.”

Carahil… Brina Cross… the Altmer in blue hiding in the bushes who did this to me. It was cold like I had never experienced before; it was so terrible it burned me to my very bones. Nothing could have prepared me for such a powerful frost spell. I desperately wanted to be angry with Carahil, enraged that she nearly sent me to my death. After all, she knew of the murderous intent of that mage. But at the same… the anger would not come. I did not know if it was because of my frail state, or because the woman next to me was capable of stopping a raging bull with just a glance, but though I so desperately wanted it, I could find no anger or hatred for Carahil. Nothing could have prepared me for what happened that day, and I would be a fool to believe that she could.

It was at that point the door opened, and the familiar face of Carahil herself glided in.

“I heard voices,” she said in her usual slow voice, but at the same time I noted it was a bit higher pitched than normal. “What has transpired?”

“Derelas is awake,” the woman replied. “Frail, but awake.”

Carahil closed her eyes, and I noticed her shoulders relax considerably as waves of tension left her body. After a few seconds, she found her voice again.

“Thank you, Abiene. Please get some rest now, you look absolutely exhausted.”

The young woman named Abiene hesitated for a moment, but with an insistent nod toward the door from Carahil, she slowly rose to her feet and left. Carahil closed the door after her, leaving us alone. I was shocked when she turned to face me not with her usual manner of cold indifference and dispassionate logic, but with the face of a mother visiting the sickbed of her child. It was enough to make me appreciate that she was in charge of the Healing Hall, as the rest of the Guild called the Anvil chapter.

“I know you must be furious with me at the moment,” Carahil began, “but for now we must put aside whatever differences might consume our hearts, for we still have business to attend to. What happened at Brina Cross?”

“The rogue mage was an Altmer named Caminalda,” I replied meekly, my voice hoarse and frail from lack of use. “She had been staying in the Brina Cross Inn for some time, as far as Arielle had figured out. She took our bait, laid her trap in the night, and waited for me near the intersection between the Gold and Brown roads.”

I shuddered when I came to the next part; I will never forget that feeling… the feeling of being frozen so badly it burns your very soul. It burned until my body could no longer stand it, and she did it again… and again… until I was nothing but a frigid heap on the cobblestones. I then lay still, waiting for nothing more than for her to walk up to me and break my head from my shoulders like an icicle.

But she never did. I heard far off shouts; sounds of battle a million miles away. I could hear the screams of a woman in flames, and the squawking of a impish creature… a scamp, as he buried his claws deep into the leg of the woman in blue. A male in a light blue hood and shining steel armor then dashed forward while Caminalda doubled over in pain. And with a quick and precise strike from his silver blade, he cleanly separated her head from her body as my world went dark.

“They killed her,” I then said simply. It was too much for me to speak of now, what happened to me. “One of the battlemages. He decapitated her.”

The shadow of shock and disgust passed through Carahil’s face, but it was gone just as quickly as it came.

“Well… Arielle and Roliand did what needed to be done, then. No more innocent deaths… though it pains me to think of how close we were to yet another.”

“You’ve had plenty of time to reflect on any misgivings, Magister,” I replied, reaching out with my right hand, but it was then I caught a sight that sent my heart into my throat.

“Where is my ring finger?” I stammered, bolting upright, my breathing going shallow. “What happened to my finger?!”

“Frostbite,” Carahil quickly responded, having flown to her feet in surprise. “We did what we could, but there was too much damage done to that finger. The flesh had already died. I’m sorry, Derelas, but we had to remove it. Now please, lie down before you black out.”

I complied, feeling very faint. I raised my hand, and gazed upon the pathetic stump that once was my finger… a reminder of the cost of living, the cost I thought I paid three years ago, when my life became torture. It was now becoming woefully clear why my anger for Carahil was impossible.

“You look awfully troubled, Derelas,” Carahil voiced quietly. “I know it may not be my domain to ask, but what pains you so?”

“Why am I here?” I asked the Altmer. “What purpose does my life have to this world now?”

“Don’t speak like that, child, you have served a great purpose for our Guild. With your assistance, we have brought down a murderer. Your Guild is quite proud of your sacrifice.”

“I should have died that day,” I continued, ignoring Carahil’s stammered compliments. “All these years, I’ve been searching for something I thought would bring back my family….”

“By the Gods, child, silence yourself!” Carahil nearly squealed, her eyes round as dinner plates. “We have all lived through troubles in our day, but what could possibly be worth your life?”

I said nothing at first. She would not understand. She would not understand living with the pain of having your heart torn from your body when a young man came to realize his parents would never come home. She would not understand why that young man would throw himself into danger at the voice of whim time and time again. She would not understand… not while her life still meant something to her. My old life was gone, stolen from me many years ago when my parents never returned from that expedition to Nornalhorst. And now I had three factions tugging for control, the Vampire Ancient, the Dark Brotherhood, and the Children of Dawn. It now felt to me that it was simply too much to ask to have my life back in my own possession now. There was nothing left in this world for me, everything I held dear was lost three years ago.

“Now, as I said, I know you must be furious with me for allowing this to happen…” Carahil began, but I interrupted.

“I’m not,” I said bluntly. “The world is a safer place for what we have done today, and that’s all that matters to me.”

“Selfless of you,” Carahil responded, giving me a faint smile, “but nevertheless, you shall be recognized for your actions. I have provided my recommendation for your entrance to the University. I hope it helps you towards your goals… whatever they may be. Now please rest, you are still very weak.”




----




Carahil closed the door to the healing ward and made her way upstairs. Something about the Bosmer’s reaction to this whole state of affairs deeply troubled her. The way he spoke about his near death… as if it was welcomed. What could have happened to this poor child to make him so willing to toss his life aside? At first, Carahil thought she would be glad that Derelas was not angry with her, but now… now she would have given anything for him to have shown his rage, for him to show he felt he meant something to himself. What she knew now was there was something deeply wrong with that child, what with the way he so briefly spoke of life like a constant chore, just another activity to be endured. She would have pressed him to answer the one question he did not if he were in a more fit state, but for now, all she could do was wonder….

What could have happened to someone so young and exuberant to make him lose his desire to live?

Closing the door to the library behind her, she found a chair and sat herself down. So much has happened in so little time, she thought. It’s probably just the wooziness talking, and the missing finger. He’ll come around once he can get himself off that bed. I hope he finds himself when that happens.

----

Post Script: Character Abiene from Jerric's Story used with permission from Grits.

This post has been edited by Thomas Kaira: Jun 1 2011, 01:30 AM

[haute ecole rider]

Yes, it's frightening when you meet someone who lacks purpose in life. I've had the unfortunate experience of dealing with a client who literally lost everything when I had to put his beloved pet to sleep. Once that pet was gone . . .

Anyway, so Derelas lost a finger? He should be grateful that was all! Or was it? Are we going to continue reading and discover he also lost a toe, a leg? The points to his ears (the most common frostbite injury in outdoor cats)?

And Abiene stayed by his side until he woke? I'm not surprised - that woman is a natural healer!

Still it's good to see Derelas back, though he's still weak. I've no doubt his innate resilience will be of value in his recovery.

[ghastley]

Does the term "ring finger" here mean the usual, or the index finger where an Oblivion player or NPC wears a ring? (I presume they did that so it would show in first-person). The index finger would be much more of a loss, even on the less favored hand.

[mALX]

Holy Cow, we are finally getting to see some of the mystery surrounding Dere! You did a great job with his inner dialoge - Great Chapter !!!

[Acadian]

Whew! Dear Dere is back - well most of him . This was a great segment in that it shed plenty of light on what Dere was thinking and more upon his background.

'I could find no anger or hatred for Carahil. Nothing could have prepared me for what happened that day, and I would be a fool to believe that she could.'
I thought this was very effective!

A beautiful rendition of Abiene, and a very effective portrayal of Carahil here.

Excellent 'flashback' to what happened when Caminalda attacked him, and interesting how little of it he chose to share. I liked the way you handled that.

I appreciated Dere's ruminations of course, but almost equally enjoyed Carahil's thoughts at the end.

Nits:

'It was apparent that she had seen my eyes open, because once she was sure I was looking at her, she game me a small smile as she put her soft healer’s hands to my forehead.'
'Gave' of course.

“Your still a bit cold, I’m afraid,” she spoke, her soft voice filling the room with the warmth of empathy to match the vivid light.'
Here you meant 'You're'.

'I was shocked when she turned to face my not with her usual manner of cold indifference and dispassionate logic, but with the face of a mother visiting the sickbed of her child.'
'me' vs 'my'.

“I know you must be furious with me right now,” Carahil began, “but for now we must put aside whatever differences might consume our hearts, for we still have business to attend to.'
A minor case of repetition in close proximity that you may certainly choose to leave as is. You might, however, consider replacing the first 'now' with 'at the moment' or perhaps the second 'now' with 'the moment' or 'the time being'. Plenty of ways to avoid double duty for 'now'.

'I hope it help you towards your goals… whatever they may be.'
Here, I expect you wanted 'helps' or perhaps 'will help'.

[Grits]

Oh no, Dere’s finger! I hope that’s all he’s missing. I thought his recollection of the fight was very effective, even more so because he found it too much to discuss right away. It’s sad to see Derelas in this state, since we’ve seen him so lively before. I enjoyed Dere’s first impression of Abiene, and the compassion from Carahil. I hope Derelas can find his purpose again.

[SubRosa]

He awoke to pink morning rays? Well that is a seaside city for you!

Wonderful descriptions of the frost damage that Derelas incurred. A cold so cold it burns. The visual of Caminalda snapping his head off like an icicle was excellent!

So Derelas now joins Frodo as a Nine-Fingered not-a-hero. Not bad company I must say. Again, here was an excellent example of how deadly extreme cold is. Not to mention how dangerous Tamriel in general can be.

This scene also brings us (well Derelas) face to face with his own feelings for the disappearance - and likely deaths - of his parents. That sense of not only loss, but sense of purposeless. He will have to find a raison d'etre, and soon. Otherwise he will not stand a chance against the vampires or the DB. Let's hope he finds it.

This post has been edited by SubRosa: Oct 6 2011, 02:31 AM