Buffy the Bowgirl, Book 1, Thread 5, Do You Know the Way to Kvatch? Options

[ghastley]

Given a choice between Farwill and Gellius, anyone (except their respective fathers) would pick neither. I'm not sure Regulus wouldn't do the same.

Has Odalys selected the heavy pewter to give Buffy's recovering arm a workout?

[Zalphon]

I do enjoy reading about Buffy's ignorance of Feudalistic Politics. It makes her feel more real.

[Acadian]

Buffy dined alone with Countess Odalys Goldwine in Episode 174. The pair of nobles quietly shared some of their grief. Buffy learned the Countess was not only well-informed, but strongly driven by a sense of duty to her city. Lady Odalys expressed envy over Buffy’s freedom as a knight errant and urged her not to surrender it.

Only the final two episodes of Buffy's book remain ahead of her now.

KC- Thank you. I agree that Countess Odalys, like Buffy, fully rates her title and that Kvatch is in good hands. Sense of duty to cities, empires or even guilds doesn’t quite click with Buffy; the obligations she feels are to individuals that she cares about.

Darkness Eternal- I was delighted and honored to see the use of some of Buffy’s personal care alchemical ingredients/recipes recently in your wonderful vampire story! I believe the Countess recognized the ‘butterfly’ in Buffy and her advice to remain a free knight was probably wise. I’m so glad you enjoyed both the similarities and differences between Odalys and Buffy.

McBadgere- Thanks for mentioning Isabel! I hope you can agree that Moira might not have been a proper bait appropriate for duty as a lady’s maid.

SubRosa- I loved having the Countess give us a peek at the three oldest children of Cyrodiil’s rulers and finding them all lacking. And thank you for recalling the details of how Buffy was knighted in Leyawiin and what she learned as a member of that city’s court about navigating and even flourishing in the treacherous waters of nobility.

Grits- I’m so glad you found Odalys up to her role as I hoped you would, and am pleased for the insights she was able to share with Buffy. I agree that our epilogue has been quiet and somewhat reflective as Buffy tries to sort things out – I’m so glad you approve. I agree that the pieces are now all there for Buffy to forge her interim path.

mALX- Thank you for picking up on how well our Countess understood her wood elven dinner guest. ‘Granting leave’ to the young knight is probably just what Buffy needed to hear. I believe you recognize the implications; they will take center stage in this next episode.

Rihanae- I’m glad the Countess’ intentions regarding Buffy were a mystery until she revealed them. I believe both ladies benefited from the inspiration that each brought to the table. Thank you!

ghastley- Heh, the offspring of Cyrodiil’s rulers seem to be . . . rather a defective lot, yes?

Zalphon- Thank you. Buffy is gradually learning how to fit in as a low level noble when she has to. She learned much at dinner.

* * *

175 Epilogue, Part 6 -Do You Want Me To Take You Away From This?

Superian began to turn away from the graveyard - just as I had asked her to do during each of our morning rides since my discharge from the chapel. This time however, I surprised the mare by coaxing her closer.

Leaning far forward, I embraced the warmth of her long neck from my waist to cheek and whispered toward one of her long ears, “Give me strength and wisdom.” I then slipped to the ground and walked among the rows of new stones that bore the names of nearly half Savlian’s army.

One marker proclaimed the shared grave of Arielle Jurard and her strong but quiet mate, Roliand Hanus. Another was adorned with the words: ‘Ilend Vonius, Kvatch’. The one above Calvaria’s resting place silently testified that she was from Chorrol. ‘Arturo Vertius, Brother of Talos’ was chiseled on the stone of Baurus’ fellow Blade. In the very center of the tombstone formation, I knelt by the one that read: ‘Savlian Matius, Hero of Kvatch’.

Opening a small pouch that contained dried seeds from the dragon’s tongue flower that Savlian had given me after our first argument, I planted them over my fallen hero. “I-I’m trying to do what you told me to and go on with my life. So much of me wishes that you had let me go with you.” I gently squeezed my waterskin over the freshly planted seeds.

“He’s traveled the Dreamsleave,” said Acadian. “We are now part of his past, just as he is part of ours. Words are of scant comfort, Buffy, but I’m sorry.”

“I sense that you know firsthand what it feels like to lose a beloved mate, my paladin.”

“Aye,” he replied quietly.

“When is it supposed to stop hurting?”

“Over time, the ache and tears can transition to sad smiles over cherished memories, but the empty spot in your heart will remain.”

“I’m not dealing with this very well, am I?” Before he could reply, I continued, “When I see the strength of Countess Odalys as she deals with her loss, and the resilient spirit of young Moria, I feel. . . lacking and convicted of self-pity.”

“Do not measure your path against those of others, for yours is as unique as you are. Know however, that I fully share it and you will never walk alone. I encouraged you to follow your dreams, and must confess guilt over the outcome.” After several quiet moments he added, “Do you want me to take you away from this?”

I remembered Acadian speaking of our many shared pasts. “The price would include forsaking my precious memories of Savlian, would it not?”

“That is correct. Your scars would join countless others that I carry for us. You would remember nothing of this life.”

“Then my answer is no, Acadian. I-I am not ready to leave his memory behind.”

“Your decision does not surprise me, Buffy, but you cannot continue to flounder here. Everything about Kvatch screams painful memories of Savlian, yet his spirit does not reside in this place.”

“It doesn’t?”

“Place your hand on his tombstone.”

I did so.

“Can you feel his warmth?”

“No,” I replied, blinking back tears.

“Fill your hands now with the dirt of Savlian’s grave.”

I spread my fingers and dug them into the rich mountain loam at my knees, careful not to disturb the seeds I had just planted. “I cannot feel his presence here.” Tears were now openly streaming down my cheeks. “Y-you’re right, Acadian. Just as his scent no longer permeates the bedding we shared. I understand your meaning now. The place his memory dwells is my heart. And with your help, my heart will go on. All that remains in Kvatch are constant reminders of dashed dreams. Only when I sleep do those dreams still live. Only then can I see his smile or feel the magic of his touch.”

“I’m sorry, my bowgirl. Short of the offer you have declined, I know not how to absorb your pain.”

“Some wounds can’t be healed, Acadian; I have learned that lesson all too well here. Every time I walk past what used to be our tent or even see a wolf surcoat, I have to fight back tears. Perhaps we never should have come to Kvatch. Then at least maybe Savlian would still be alive. My quest was a failure.”

“Was it, Buffy? Savlian ached for a free city and the love of an elf who believed in him. You delivered on both counts. Regardless, as Countess Odalys said, you are not bound here.”

“Your bowgirl is broken in more ways than one. I don’t know if I can ever be fixed, but I agree that we can’t stay here, my paladin. I will carry Savlian’s headband forever, but we must leave Kvatch. I’ll talk with Sigrid and make arrangements.” I rose to my feet. “We’ll leave before dawn tomorrow.”

* * *

As soon as the weight of full saddlebags settled behind the cantle of Superian’s saddle, she snorted. The resultant burst of her breath instantly cooled into visible mist under the waning twin moons. “Yes, this ride is much earlier and longer than our morning trips around the upper plateau.”

As I continued to lash traveling supplies to her saddle, she wasn’t the only one to cue on the significance. Turning at the gentle bump against my upper back, I found the lowered nose of Raxle in my face. The Legion bay then nudged me aside to investigate every aspect of the trappings now adorning my mare’s saddle.

“Superian and I will miss you and we both owe you much.” I patted the gelding’s neck then continued to load my mare. “Long ago, you carried Lucilius Marcus to Kvatch, easing Savlian’s heavy burden of command. As things are settling down for the city, I’m pleased to see Lucilius riding you several times a week now. In fact, he tells me that, along with Merandil and Sigrid, you are among his most trusted advisors.” Indeed, Raxle had also been a patient and affectionate companion to Superian during our time at Kvatch. And of course, the old warhorse had carried Savlian by my side to and from Fort Agarctova and Valenwood during the happiest time of my life.

I was thankful for the predawn solitude as I blinked back tears. Preparing to travel with neither quiver nor Slayer on my back felt vulnerable. The once mighty bow had been shattered beyond repair and only its salvaged handgrip was in my pack. Oleta had also reminded me that my left arm would need a couple more weeks before subjecting it to the stresses of shooting. I had no idea how much longer it would be before my heart would let me pick up a bow again. I would just have to rely on my magic, rings of detect life and Superian’s great speed to keep us alive for now.

After a sad kiss on Raxle’s long nose, I briefly augmented my strength with a spell so I could mount Superian without overusing my left arm. Once I settled into the saddle, Raxle blocked our path until he and Superian had rubbed the sides of their heads together. With a snort of his own, the gelding then stood down. I could clearly sense that Superian was torn between her excitement to be on the road and reluctance to leave Raxle. A whispered, “Let’s go, girl,” convinced her to step off.

We had barely cleared the stable area before she stopped, turned a lowered head and stared back at her old friend. I didn’t relish another painful round of goodbyes from the early risers who would soon be up and about, but I was not about to overly rush the mare. After a few moments of mournful staring between the horses, Superian bobbed her head and resumed our departure.

As we began the winding descent from the top of Kvatch Mountain, I could sense Acadian’s question as well as his reluctance to ask it. “My beautiful mare and paladin,” I announced, “when the sun rises shortly, it will warm the left shoulder of this Child of Dawn. By late this day, it will be kissing our right side.”

“South it is then, my bowgirl,” replied Acadian.

[SubRosa]

Buffy has finally healed enough to visit the grave of the Hero of Kvatch. You are doing a wonderful job of showing us how she is slowly getting better, not just physically, but especially emotionally. I find it is one of the most difficult things to write, since it is so easy to become heavy-handed about it. But you handle it all with a light touch that gives us just enough for us to fill in the rest with our own imaginations.

South it is then. As painful as much of this episode was, it was also very cathartic. Now that she leaves Kvatch behind her, our Buffster can start to move on, however slowly. I wonder if she cannot resist stopping at Fort Agarctova just once before heading on? Then will it be to Valenwood? Or back home to Bravil? As interesting as Valenwood sounds. I think Bravil, with Daenlin, Kud-Ei, and all of her friends, would be a better place right now.

[ghastley]

I have to agree that Bravil is a likely destination for this trip. She needs a new bow, so she'd at least consult with Daenlin, even if he's not making her an interim one. Although a side-trip to see Alawen wouldn't be too much of a detour, she needs to stay on the roads to be safe.

I like the bit where it's Superian reluctant to leave Raxle behind. It takes the wanting to stay off Buffy's shoulders.

[TrisRed]

This was an amazing chapter. It was heartwarming to see Buffy finally visit the grave of Savlian, and with Acadian helping to give her the strength she needs to start to move on.

I also agree that Bravil would be best for Buffy right now. As she slowly moves on and heals it is better that she does that in the company of dear loved ones. I'm certain Buff will be fine in time, but she should spend that time in the comfort of her home.

[King Coin]

Buffy’s finally finds it within her to visit the grave stones of the fallen. The city paid dearly with the blood of its men and women. Sav’s stone was simple and beautiful, perfect for him. Hero of Kvatch. She finally realizes she needs to leave. It was nice to see Raxle come say goodbye to Superian. Buffy leaves in the early morning before anyone can delay her. South it is, to the comfort of her city and guild?

[Zalphon]

Remembering the fallen can be hard, but it is necessary to move on. Hopefully Buffy can move on.

[Grits]

“He’s traveled the Dreamsleave,” said Acadian. “We are now part of his past, just as he is part of ours. Words are of scant comfort, Buffy, but I’m sorry.”

An incredibly painful thing to even face much less accept. I’ve never seen this thought more beautifully put.

“Do not measure your path against those of others, for yours is as unique as you are. Know however, that I fully share it and you will never walk alone. I encouraged you to follow your dreams, and must confess guilt over the outcome.” After several quiet moments he added, “Do you want me to take you away from this?”

Oh my gosh, that’s right. On top of the grief, Acadian has been feeling guilty! Buffy’s answer was no surprise, of course, and hopefully was some comfort.

“South it is then, my bowgirl,” replied Acadian.

South! Perhaps to visit where she spent the happiest time of her life? I hear they know something about bows in Valenwood…

[mALX]

I have to say, in my (ho) this is your absolute best write to date. This chapter was as perfect as it gets, and to quote anything that stood above the rest I'd have to quote it in its entirety. Acadian's offer was brought totally from the heart, but a shock I didn't expect - HUGE! It showed Buffy's strength that she turned it down. She is not one to hide unless attacking. Raxle's goodbye was icing on the cake. Awesome, AWESOME Write !!!!

[Lycanthropic-Legend]

Oh my, so this is the conclusion of this amazing story? Or is there more?

Acadian, I remove my hat and bow before you. This truly was a sad chapter, and it made it more intense because I was listening to a tragic song from a soundtrack.

"Over time, the ache and tears can transition to sad smiles over cherished memories, but the empty spot in your heart will remain.”
Her emotional injuries will heal, but there will be scars that will never vanish.

"You’re right, Acadian. Just as his scent no longer permeates the bedding we shared. I understand your meaning now. The place his memory dwells is my heart. And with your help, my heart will go on. All that remains in Kvatch are constant reminders of dashed dreams. Only when I sleep do those dreams still live. Only then can I see his smile or feel the magic of his touch.”

Another sad, heartfelt moment. And to think Savlian passed into Aetherius is a horrible thing to ponder on indeed. I honestly felt a bit negative about it, so it is safe to say I had my reasons.

The conclusion of this story had me reading word for word with a glint in my eye as I envisioned the scenes through and through. Buffy may move on, but memories of Savlian will always be there somewhere, deeply rooted in the depths of her mind. I do feel as if her next journeys will be brighter somehow, but I can't help but wonder . . . will Buffy ever be the same? Most likely, not. What she has braved and toughed and experienced indeed has molded our fellow archer into something a bit different.

[McBadgere]

Oh my...That was amazing...

Wow...Definately my favourite writing of yours...And I've liked quite a bit...Soo sad and heartfelt... ...

Not sure which bits to quote as affecting me so much...Just brilliant...

I shall depart from my normal sign-off...

*Respectful bowing of head*...

[Glargg]

What a wonderful bittersweet story you have crafted! Buffy has traveled a path of growth and change, and the butterfly has come forth to full, fragile, believable maturity.

In the process, you've managed to change and build a host of the game's flat but familiar characters, turning them into people as well. We'll never be able to see Savlian (or Mazoga or a hundred other characters) in quite the same way, and we're all the richer for it.

I can hardly wait to see what's next in Buffy's adventures.

[Saquira]

I love this story, you've managed to make Buffy's journey so believable and touching. And it was so sad to read of Savlian's death when they'd both come to mean so much for each other. I'm glad that Buffy is able to move on, I imagine even getting out of bed in the morning is one of the hardest things she's faced with. To know that you have such a long life ahead of you, but that the one person you want in it can never be by your side again.

I think you pictured her sorrow perfectly, and very much hope that we'll get to continue following her as she learns to live her life without him.

[Acadian]

In our penultimate episode (175), Buffy mustered the courage to visit Savlian’s gravesite. It seems her paladin was also finally ready to discuss their future and pasts. Both agreed that leaving Kvatch was best. While departing the following morning, Superian echoed her mistress’ anticipation to be on the road as well as her anxiety over leaving friends behind. Buffy’s only clue to her immediate destination was ‘south’.

SubRosa- Thank you so much for your kind words. It is soothing to hear that we have not overdone the pity party. It took her a very long time to get to this point and, given the strength of her passions, it is taking her a long time to slowly put herself back together.

ghastley- I join you in expecting that Buffy’s wonderful friends in Bravil will play a role in her longer term future. Thanks for enjoying the part with Raxle.

Rihanae- Thank you! I think it was appropriate that, in visiting Savlian’s grave, Buffy leaned on her twin pillars of Superian and Acadian for strength.

KC- I’m so glad that you agree ‘Hero of Kvatch’ is all the title Savlian needs. I firmly believe that when it comes to a noble selfless hero, he is the gritty real deal. My hope with Raxle was to, once again, show some ‘full circling’ since it was the old warhorse who carried Kvatch’s future commander (Lucilius Marcus) to the city.

Zalphon- Thanks for your well wishes. Although she doesn’t see it yet, I believe our elf has the strength to move on.

Grits- Thank you so much for noting Acadian’s guilt. After all, it was his ‘I hope you dance’ philosophy that helped coax Buffy into Savlian’s arms. That said, I expect someday she will come to believe that the dance was worth its cost.

mALX- I’m glad you and Buffy both considered the impact of Acadian’s offer to move on together to a new life. As we are drawing the book down, I wanted to reinforce the nature of their coexistence.

LL - Welcome to Buffy’s world! I so appreciate your kind words. Yes, we are winding down Buffy’s Book 1. We’ll certainly take a break for a time as we consider her future. The previous four threads (or volumes) of Book 1 along with an executive summary and fun little thread I call ‘Buffy’s Basket of Potpourri’ can be found in our subforum right here at chorrol.

McBadgere- It thrills me to hear that parts of our story have touched your heart. Thank you for your warm support.

Glargg- So wonderful of you to stop in! I appreciate your warm words and am so delighted that, as you play, hints of Buffy’s Savlian, Mazoga and others have infiltrated your game.

Saquira- Thank you so much for your touching endorsement of how Buffy has shared her emotions. She does indeed wear them on her sleeve for all to put up with.

All- Having sprawled across three years, two forums and 300,000 words, it is finally time for Buffy to close Book 1.

* * *

176 Epilogue, Part 7 - I Will Remember

Seated cross-legged on the soft ground, I licked my lips while tossing the empty shell of a crab’s claw into the fire. A small protest of embers and sparks leaped into the night sky. “Superian, grazing is good here in Valenwood and the Strid River’s bounty is sweet. What if we just stay here living like wild children of the forest?”

Water from the nearby river’s edge trailed from my mare’s mouth as she raised her head, returned my gaze and contentedly flicked one ear. It was the paladin who answered, “Until you run out of hair conditioner?”

I heaved a sigh. “You’re right. We’ll have to move on. . . j-just not yet.”

“Only when you are ready, Buffy.”

“And when we do. . . well, you know I left my confidence in a pool of blood, pee and tears on the floor of Castle Kvatch. I-I’m sorry I’m not a very strong elf, Acadian. It’s not fair to subject you to the kind of mundane life that I imagine will claim this grieving widow.”

“Although I believe you to be more resilient than you credit yourself, I am willingly bound and sworn to your service. We were created long before the formation of Nirn. In all that time, I have never counted the cost of what your needs might entail. I will readily share whatever your future requires.”

I was struck by the power of my paladin’s words and the unconditional acceptance they conveyed. He might sometimes guide or chide me but, by Mara, he always believed in me and I sure needed that now. Although I might never experience the comfort of pulling his arm around my shoulder, I realized that neither time nor even death could take him from me. “You and I will go on, Acadian, bound together as we have always been. Although I feel like a butterfly in a tempest, you have taught me that the spirit of a dragon lives forever. Perhaps, with your help, Daenlin and Boderi can forge this broken bowgirl back into a mystic archer. . . someday.”

“I understand,” he offered gently. “You and Savlian paid a high price for Kvatch’s freedom. Grieving cannot be rushed, and you have chosen this spot well.”

I looked up at the same moons and stars that had witnessed the joyful lovemaking between a hero and his elf in this very meadow. Reaching into my pack, I pulled out my journal and thumbed through its many pages until finding the passage I sought:

’I awoke to gentle fingers trailing through my hair. Glowing embers, twin moons and countless stars punctuated the night that had gathered around us. After a tender kiss, we pulled each other to our feet. While briefly checking the horses, I studied the beautiful man’s scars and muscles as he added wood to our campfire and stirred life into the flames. I wanted to remember this moment forever.’

Slowly closing the book with a bittersweet smile, I pulled myself to my feet. After briefly checking my precious mare, I added wood to our campfire and stirred life into the flames. “Yes, Savlian Matius. I will remember.”

I then lifted my voice in song: Fallen Embers

~The End~

This post has been edited by Acadian: Dec 1 2012, 03:54 AM

[McBadgere]

Oooh, and there it was - gone!...

Nicely ended there...All hope...

Lovely story...Here's hoping for Book 2 soon...

Nice one!!...

*Applauds heartily*...

PS...I Will Remember...Queensryche?...Or is it in the link that I haven't yet explored?... ..

[ghastley]

Sorry, can't be "wild children of the forest" and use hair conditioner.

I'm glad to see her doing her grieving on a full stomach, too. It may be a private wake, but she's doing it right.

And now a new beginning?

[King Coin]

I should have known. The river’s edge where she and Sav spent their time before. Beautiful end to book one. Buffy still underestimates Acadian’s incredible patience. Take your time, elf, he will be there. I will miss Buffy. Fantastic end to Buffy’s tale of Kvatch and Savlian.

[Grits]

The last paragraph echoing Buffy’s journal entry was such an achingly beautiful way to close Book 1. What a marvelous journey that brought her finally back to this riverbank. I am left with my own bittersweet smile and hope for Buffy’s future.

[SubRosa]

First, perfect song.

“Until you run out of hair conditioner?”
I suppose riding into the sunset is out of the question then. Seriously, this piece of wry humor was muchly appreciated

This was a good place to end Book 1, in the place where Buffy found her happiest moments. We can be content to leave her here, reliving her fond, if still painful, memories of the past. Until we see what next lies in store for our bruised bowgirl that is.