A Knight Without Fear Or Blame, A story about a knight. But you don't find out he becomes a knight Options

[mALX]

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Sorry it took so long to get over here, 2012 is killing me for being a hectic year so far

You did a perfect job of building the tension toward the end of the chapter, Awesome job. The whole section of the shipwreck was very powerfully written, but this line in particular was outstanding even above the rest:

Lucius saw several sailors who had not been holding onto something thrown from the ship. Lucius himself was clinging on for dear life. His grip was not tight enough however as he felt the ship strike something in the water, probably a cluster of rocks. He was thrown from the ship completely. He watched in horror as time seemed to slow down. He saw that the ship was flying through the air as it had been propelled upwards by the rocks it had hit. He saw that his father was no longer clinging onto the barrier where he once was.

Huge Write !!


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Next chapter:

I pictured the melody of the song being "What do we do with a drunken sailor" (put him in the brig and make him drink it, blah blah blah).

The letter was so well done, (and I hope he goes to Chorrol !!) - but even better was the paragraph following. Comparing how he felt about the letter to not burning his hands on the stove - that was brilliant. You got his emotions across so clearly by that comparison - That was my fave part of this chapter.

You really pack a powerful punch at the ends of your chapters, that is a gift !!! Awesome Write !!


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[Acadian]

This was beautifully done. The first part set the scene and let us know enough about the pirate attack aftermath.

The next part was, of course, dominated by that letter from Lucius’ father. And a magnificent job you did of writing it. So poignant, so realistic.

Finally, we see the reaction of young Lucius. It surely pulled at my heart to see him wishing he could go home. Back to being scolded for touching a hot stove.

So. . . Lucius' course is set for Chorrol it seems.

Wonderful, Brume!

[Grits]

The letter was great, I feel for Lucius’ father having to write it, knowing that he would not be there for him. The last paragraph was very moving. Argentil and Hector can teach him a lot and get him to Chorrol, but Lucius just wants to go home.

[jack cloudy]

Well I hope that the uncle will be the friendly sort, but I've got the feeling he'll still be holding a grudge. Or that Father's reputation (and by extension his son's) has been thorougly ruined years ago.

I don't have much to add that hasn't already been said. Except for one tiny little nitpick. Way back in chapter three, Lucius reads a sign on the scamp's cage. But later on he claims he can't read. Now maybe he was just fooling Argentil, but I think he's a bit too young for such high-reaching acts of deception. More likely his Father read the sign for him when Lucius asked what that beast was.

[TheBrume]

mALX Yep, that was the melody I had in mind for it. But, I didn't think I had written the ship wreck scene all that clearly, thanks for dispelling those doubts.

Acadian Thank you. Why do you people always make me blush?

Grits Thanks. I don't feel that I've put enough into Lucius' father's personality. Originally, I was going to have him go missing in chapter one, then I pushed it back to chapter two, then I was going to have him die of infection... And now this.

jack cloudy Well, you'll find out in a few chapters . Lucius could read in chapter three and he did trick Argentil. I disagree about your assessment. Nine year olds can be rather tricky, especially in groups.

I think I've hit some kind of wall in my writing (I've written up to chapter seventeen), so updates might slow down a teeny tiny bit in the coming weeks.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy this one.


Chapter Ten: The Lord Advancing
First Seed 3E 413

After Lucius awoke, he spent three days in Fort Saltmoth while learning about what happened after he was thrown into the sea. He also learned that he had been unconscious for almost two weeks.

As it turned out, an Imperial Navy ship had been nearby when the Necrom Burning was attacked. The ship, which was called the Emperor Antiochus, saw the burning wreckage and managed to rescue some of the passengers and crew, unfortunately, Lucius' father was not among those clinging to pieces of wreckage in the freezing water. Lucius himself had been dragged onto a large piece of flotsam by a Bosmer woman. He had the opportunity to thank his rescuer. "Don't thank me." She had said, "Thank whatever poor sod won't be getting the piano they ordered."

Fort Saltmoth was an Imperial fort, situated where the river Thir met the Inner Sea, just across the water from Ebonheart. Lucius had wanted to explore the towers and fortifications of the fort, but the Imperial Legionnaires stopped him from straying too far. Being at Fort Saltmoth was Lucius' first experience of imperial authority, it seemed the Emperor rarely passed his gaze over Grimdale Moor. There had been a small Legion garrison in the foothills a few miles to the north of the village, but Orcs were common in that area so Lucius had never seen their outpost.

"High Rock," Argentil explained, "is a relatively secure Imperial province, the Emperor has little need to station Imperial ground forces there, of course, the Navy has a strong presence to deal with corsairs and the like, but otherwise there is little threat to the Empire's integrity there. The Dunmer are a proud people, they have a heathen religion and backwards customs. Despite their high level of autonomy, few of them submit to the Septims as readily as the Bretons."

All in all, Lucius was impressed by the fort, despite his grief. It stood out as a beacon of authority and it could be seen from miles away. It's tall granite towers thrust upwards above the alien trees of Morrowind. It's heavy woollen black and red imperial banners flew high above the ugly brown cloth things at the nearby village.

He was impressed by the Legionnaires too, they were clad in steel. A dark chest piece with two horses facing each other. Lucius didn't quite understand the design, he thought dragons would make more sense, but it looked nice. They marched and moved as one and all of them were strong and fierce.

Lucius spent much of his time thinking. He often thought about his parents, he often cried. He occasionally thought about his friends on the ship, but he never once asked about them as he feared what the answer would be. Though he hoped they had been among the many people who had survived, but had already left the fort.
Argentil and Hector spent their time in a room together, speaking in hushed (sometimes loud) tones. Lucius knew they were planning on how they should get to Chorrol. From what he managed to pick up, Hector wanted to go by land, across the Velothi mountains and through Cheydinhal. Lucius wasn't sure what Argentil wanted, but he assumed it was something magical.
In the end though, Hector won the argument and so, three days after Lucius woke up, they began their journey towards Cyrodiil.

Lucius was sat on a chair which had been placed in the harrowed out carapace of an enormous insect. Apart from Lucius, Hector and Argentil, there were few other passengers, a pair of Dunmer women who were seated at the rear end of the insect, known as a Silt Strider, and a fidgety Argonian who sat as far away from everyone else as possible. The interior of the carapace was spacious, it was high enough for Lucius to stand without hitting his head, though the same could not be said of Argentil. There were even a few holes in the chitinous shell to act as windows.

Lucius sat in silence, listening to Argentil prattle on about the history of Dark Elf magic. Hector was sleeping.
"In the two hundredth year of the third era, Olvis Drenalym discovered a way to turn iron into silver and silver into gold. Now, Olvis' island happened to be rich in iron, so he set his people to work. He began to get rather rich, of course, his actions had consequences, as the influx of silver into the markets caused prices to fall. To fix this, he turned the silver to gold. This, however, made the problem worse, causing the Great Monetary Collapse of 3E 215. The Imperial economy remained in shambles throughout the rest of the reign of Uriel IV and afterwards…"

Overall, the journey proved to be incredibly boring, the town of Balfalls came and went and the days crawled by.
It was four days before the Silt Strider reached it's destination. Four days which Lucius spent listening to Argentil go over history which he had probably told Lucius of before (there couldn't be that much of it, in his mind). When he wasn't listening, he was thinking. Thinking about his parents. His mother was dead, he knew that. But was his father? No body had ever been found. He promised himself he would look for his father one day, perhaps he would search after he reached Chorrol. Thinking about it brought sadness though. And sadness brought tears.
And the tears continued for hours at a time


"Loganstead." Argentil said as he sauntered down the stone ramp leading up to the giant insect. "Quite a strange town don't you think?" It was. There was a curious mix of Nordic, Imperial and Dunmeri architecture. Square plain brown stone houses sat next to elaborate wooden ones with carved animals on them. The Imperial Chapel with it's tall stone spire was placed right next to the chitinous shell structure of the Dunmer Temple. It was a strange town, but pretty in it's own way.
"They could have gone with a more consistent style, but I like this." The mage said as he began to walk towards a large stone building.
"Where are we going now?" Lucius asked and looked at Hector.
"Mages Guild." He said. "We shall be teleporting to Cheydinhal from here. It will shorten our journey considerably. Much safer than fending off troll attacks in the Velothis." He shot a look towards Hector, who did not meet his gaze.


The Altmer seemed happy as he entered the guild. When Lucius stepped through the threshold he was struck by dozens of strange smells. He could name none of them and he had only smelt a few before, he could not help but pinch his nose. Argentil walked up to a front desk, behind which a bored looking dark elf woman was staring into space.

"Hello." The woman said, monotonously. "Welcome to the Loganstead Mages Guild, the happiest place on Nirn." She stared at the three travellers, her gaze lingering on each of them for a few seconds before moving on.
"Yes, quite. Now, could you direct us to your guild guide please."
The woman lifted her left arm and pointed to her right. "Have a nice day." She sighed and returned to staring at her desk.

The trio came upon a small alcove with a large ring on the floor beside which an Argonian in green robes was standing. He stared at them, but said nothing.

"Now, will you be needing anything while we're here Hector?" Argentil turned and asked. Hector was silent for a moment. "Yes. I'll meet you back here in a few minutes." At that, he turned and moved to another part of the guild.
"Stay here Lucius, I'm going to buy a few books. The journey to Chorrol is a long one and you'll need something to entertain yourself with."

So Lucius was left on his own with nobody but the unblinking Argonian for company. Lucius waited and tried to whistle (he quickly gave up and began humming instead) while studying the walls. They were whitewashed with a few tapestries for decoration. The tapestries were of the birthsigns, Lucius was drawn to his own sign, The Lord. He remembered an old song his mother used to sing to him, and began to hum the tune.

Strong, the Warrior charges,
The Steed prancing,
The Lord advancing,
The Lady dancing,
Through the night.

Wise, the Mage orders,
The Apprentice learning,
The Ritual turning,
The Atronach burning,
Through the night.

Clever, the Thief watches,
The Lover sighing,
The Shadow lying,
The Tower defying,
Through the night.

Just as he finished humming, both Hector and Argentil returned from whatever they were doing. "Ready?" Argentil asked, "Good."

"You there," he said to the Argonian. "I would like to pay for three people to get to Cheydinhal please." The Argonian nodded and took the offered coins. Hector was the first to stand on the ring, he disappeared in a flash of blue light.
"Give him time to get off the panel Lucius." Argentil said, holding his shoulder "We wouldn't want you to end up inside of him." After a few moments Argentil tapped him on the back and Lucius strode forward.
The sensation of teleporting was like nothing else Lucius had ever experienced. He could not move his limbs, but he felt like he was being thrown a great distance. He vomited a few seconds before the feeling ended.

He appeared in the Cheydinhal Mages Guild with a flash of blue light. He stumbled forward and fell to his knees. When he looked up he saw his breakfast all over the room he was in. The petite Imperial woman who had been standing closest to the ring was covered in vomit, she was shaking and after a few moments, started to scream in disgust.

"Oh my…" He heard Argentil say as he appeared behind him.

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This post has been edited by TheBrume: Feb 8 2012, 04:55 PM

[mALX]

This chapter was touching from beginning to end! Lucius was endearing, your writing so clearly brought visuals of every scene from his grief, the Silt-Rider ride, waiting in the room with the Argonian and singing that song - all of it. AWESOME Write !!!

The song, did you make that up? AWESOME !!!

Then the end - that had me rolling laughing !! Absolutely wonderful chapter !!!!!

[Acadian]

Some nice additional details, very naturally delivered, about what happened to the ship and where Lucius found himself. Loved the background on the fort and Empire, the hints of argument between Hector and Argentil and the Silt Strider ride/scenic tour and history lesson.

I had to smile at your depiction of the Dunmeri lass that welcomed our party to the ‘happiest place on Nirn’.

The song was fabulous for a couple reasons. First, it was clever as can be - well done! Secondly, what a lovely and natural way of sharing Lucius’ birthsign with us.

Poor Lucius. As mALX would say, “Bless his heart.” Throwing up is not the best way to make friends in a new place. As Argentil wisely said, “Oh my.” Welcome to Cyrodiil!


Nits:
'Lucius sat in silence, listen to Argentil prattle on about the history of Dark Elf magic.'
I think you want ‘listening’ here.
'He remembered an song his mother used to sing to him, and began to hum the tune.'
And here, you want ‘a’ song.

[Grits]

Oh my indeed. What a way to introduce himself to Cyrodiil!

Lucius sat in silence, listening to Argentil prattle on about the history of Dark Elf magic. Hector was sleeping.

This is just what we would expect from the three of them!

I really enjoyed this chapter. You gave such a clear picture of Lucius’ state of mind, alternating between grief and boredom. It seems very natural that he was impressed by the soldiers. I also like the touches of humor. And then the spew! Poor Lucius.

Also, That song was great!!

[TheBrume]

mALX Thank you As for the song, no I did not make it up, I only dragged it from my memory . I think it was in either Redguard or Daggerfall.

Acadian Thanks but, as I say, I did not create the song. I'm proud of myself for remembering it though.

Grits Thank you again.

Chapter Eleven: The Smell of Roast Duck in the Evening
First Seed 3E 413

Lucius sat on the grass, legs crossed beneath him, watching the ducks paddle around the lake, quacking contentedly in the early evening light. He himself was far from content, he was nervous about what lay ahead for him, both long term and short term.

He, Hector and Argentil had made camp not far from the blue road (the reasons it had for being called the blue road still eluded Lucius) by a small lake. Argentil was wading through the water picking water hyacinths, to the quacking complaints of nearby ducks. Lucius wasn’t quite sure where Hector was, though he assumed he was tending to the campfire.

They had left Cheydinhal rather quickly after the mess Lucius had made, they had simply purchased new clothes and provisions and been on their way. Lucius doubted he would be welcome at that particular branch of the mages guild and they hadn‘t been allowed to travel to Chorrol from there after the incident. As for why they couldn’t have simply travelled to Chorrol from Morrowind, Argentil had explained that teleportation between provinces was restricted to border cities.

Lucius flinched as he heard the frightened quacking of the ducks and the splashing of water. “I have our dinner.” Hector said, holding one of the birds in his left hand.


Lucius watched sadly as the once happy duck was being roasted above the fire. He tried not to think about it.
“What will happen to me in Chorrol, Hector?” Lucius asked the man as he was turning the duck, trying to cook it evenly.
Hector looked up at him. “I imagine that your uncle will take you in. Beyond that, I cannot say.”
Lucius knew the man was withholding something. “Integrity.” He said simply, quoting one of the knightly virtues which Hector had once told him. Though he didn’t quite know what the word meant, he thought it had something to do with truth.
Hector looked up once again and smiled.
“The boy knows how to get his way.” Argentil chuckled, not lifting his nose from his book. The fire sparked, as if it were chuckling too.

Hector let out a sigh. “Your uncle will take you in and, though I cannot be certain, I believe you may become an apprentice squire.” He paused and sighed. “Your uncle has a firm understanding of justice and honour and so he will not turn you away. Though he will probably make you join the Knights of the Oak. You are ten now yes? Most children in Cyrodiil become apprentice squires at that age and so this will be an appropriate occupation for you.”
Somehow, Lucius was not surprised, but he had concerns anyway. “I don’t know anything about being a knight.”

Hector tilted his head. “No? Your father told me you enjoyed such stories. And I’ve already told you what it means to be a knight. True, you don’t know everything. But why do you think your father asked me to escort you to Chorrol? He knew you would become a knight, he also knew that he could not teach you.”

Argentil was confused too. “How did he know?”
Hector waved Argentil off. "I am unsure, but he wrote to me weeks before the village was attacked. That is why I boarded the ship.”
"How did you know Titus?" Argentil probed.
"We were friends." His shifted his eyes down to the fire. "I would rather not speak of it." He returned his gaze to Lucius. “No more of this. I will tell you of knightly things after dinner.”


Lucius had not wanted to eat the duck. And he said so to Argentil as he carved the bird up, but his stomach had argued with him. Loudly. So he ended up eating the meat anyway. It tasted good.
True to his word, Hector began telling him about knightly orders.

“There are around a dozen knightly orders in Cyrodiil. One for each major city, except Cheydinhal, as well as a few others.” Hector was walking around the camp, stretching his legs while Lucius sat on a tree stump by the fire. The smell of roast duck still filled the air.

“The first you should know about are the Knights of the Oak. They were created by the first Count of Chorrol… I forget his name.”
“Kantus Jeril, Hero of Pale Pass.” Argentil reminded him.
“Yes. Thank you, mage." Hector looked less than grateful. "Now, Count Jeril established the order in… order to keep rule of law in the region. Their aims and duties haven’t really changed since then. They are the third largest order of Cyrodiil, after the Knights of the Tower and the Knights of the Wolf. Their seal is the oak tree of Chorrol, white on a blue field.”

Hector continued like that for a few hours, telling Lucius about the corruptness of the Knights of the Tower, the laziness of the Knights of the Blackwood, the nobility of the Knights of the Stag and the collapse of the Knights of the White Stallion. Eventually though, Lucius fell asleep while Hector was arguing with Argentil about the history of the Knights of the Temple. He dreamed dreams of a white horse riding across a long bridge and slept soundly, under the dark blue Cyrodiilic sky.

[Grits]

You create such vivid images here, I really enjoyed this mostly fireside episode. I love the way you describe Argentil wading around picking water hyacinths. It’s something I do all the time in the game with a click, but you brought it to life.

[Acadian]

This was a lovely episode and well-deserved respite to pause and add some wonderful detail.

'As for why they couldn’t have simply travelled to Chorrol from Morrowind, Argentil had explained that teleportation between provinces was restricted to border cities.'
Heh, this is a great technique that many of us have used to good effect. Anticipate the possible questions a reader may have and allow your character to address them head on within the story. Well done! It can be quite entertainingly effective when addressing some of the TES gamisms that don’t necessarily make perfect sense.

'Lucius knew the man was withholding something. “Integrity.” He said simply, quoting one of the knightly virtues which Hector had once told him. Though he didn’t quite know what the word meant, he thought it had something to do with truth.
Hector looked up once again and smiled.
“The boy knows how to get his way.” Argentil chuckled, not lifting his nose from his book. The fire sparked, as if it were chuckling too.'
This was delightful because it fully and efficiently displayed so much of the four characters involved. Yes, Lucius shows he has been paying attention and that the heart of a young knight likely beats within his breast. Hector predictably shows his colors as a real knight. Our resident academic and mage, Agentil, displays his almost irritatingly commanding grasp of, well, just about everything. And finally the closing sentence shows a glimpse into the warm personality that many campfires can indeed display as you keep us solidly in the venue.

So now, we are ready to continue to the City of the Great Oak, better armed with what awaits our young and hopeful squire.

[mALX]

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There is a bunch I could quote, I am having to stop myself to keep from spamming your thread. Some I can't bypass :

(the reasons it had for being called the blue road still eluded Lucius)

LOVED this, a detail you could have let pass but didn't - it makes that whole paragraph!

As for why they couldn’t have simply travelled to Chorrol from Morrowind, Argentil had explained that teleportation between provinces was restricted to border cities.

This was an amazing touch, makes perfect sense and would have slipped by a lot of writers - perfect !!

Lucius flinched as he heard the frightened quacking of the ducks and the splashing of water. “I have our dinner.” Hector said, holding one of the birds in his left hand.

This had me in hysterics, and I could absolutely picture it because I actually know some people that poached pond ducks on a private ranch in Florida, ROFL !!! Awesome touch, broke they may be but they are eating like kings !!! Loved this touch !!! You don't miss a trick !!!

“Yes. Thank you, mage." Hector looked less than grateful.

LOVED this line !!! Totally Awesome, AWESOME Write from beginning to end !!!


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[TheBrume]

Grits Thank you. I'm looking forward to the next installment of Jerric's Story, by the way, can't wait to see what happens next.

Acadian Thanks for your compliments. I must say that I really liked the last episode of Buffy.

mALX Thank you.


Chapter Twelve: The Finish Line
Late First Seed 3E 413

The Great Forest suited it's name. It was huge. Lucius, Argentil and Hector had been travelling in the forest for a day or two now. When they passed a priory a few miles back, Hector said they were getting close and picked up the pace. Argentil was panting heavily after only a few minutes though, so they slowed down again.

There was a thin mist which seemed to part like curtains, revealing Chorrol to Lucius, it's tall stone walls were a dark grey, made darker by the heavy rain which had fallen the previous evening. The city, in it's soggy state, looked a dreary place, though not unwelcoming. The huge wooden gates had the oak tree of Chorrol painted upon it's front. It was early morning and so the gates had not yet been opened to allow travellers entry. There was a queue of people with carts filled with trade goods waiting to be let inside. They too, looked a dreary bunch, quiet and quite soaked. No doubt many of them would be heading to the nearest inn as soon as they could.

Just as Lucius and his party joined the group, the gates heaved open and the people began to shuffle inwards. Hector and Argentil turned right after they entered, leading Lucius up the hill to where the castle loomed over the city. It's portcullis gate was flanked by two towers. For some reason, the one on the right was much bigger than the one on the left. Lucius tried to come up with an explanation in an attempt to not think about what lay ahead. What would his uncle do? Would he laugh in his face and throw him from the castle walls? Would he make him a servant, doomed to scrub the floors for eternity while his uncle walked across the room with muddy boots? It was a daunting prospect.

They were let into the castle quite easily, the portcullis was opened for them and the guards waved them through without so much as a second glance. A herald greeted them at the castle's main gates and asked them a few questions, which Hector answered quickly, as though he had rehearsed them.

They entered the great hall, their footsteps echoing off the walls. Ahead of them, a man and a woman sat upon two thrones seated side by side. The woman looked half asleep, the man looked fully asleep. The man was handsome looking, or so Lucius thought. Though he knew little of these things, just descriptions of people others had said were handsome.

He had brown hair which fell down to his shoulders and a large (but not overly so) nose. He was wearing a green doublet with silver trim. Very expensive looking.
The woman was thin with auburn hair, tied into a knot. She had a softer face than the man who Lucius presumed was her husband and a smaller nose. She was wearing a blue dress which matched the carpet and the tapestries of the room.

"Ah, our first petitioner." The woman said. "Charus." She nudged her husband. "Charus wake up." The man awoke with a start.
"Just dozing dear." He said, a little too loudly. "Herald? What do I pay you for?"
The herald, who had been standing behind Lucius, Argentil and Hector, stepped up and began to speak. "Uh, Sir Hector, Knight of Skaven. Argentil of Firsthold, Sumerset Isle Mages Guild, Wizard rank. And Lucius Andronicus of Grimdale Moor."

"It's a pleasure my lord and lady." Sir Hector offered, bowing. Lucius did as he did.
"Boy. Are you Lucius Andronicus?" The count asked, he looked curious and more awake.
"I…" Lucius thought about saying no. Perhaps he could claim to be Argentil instead, but he quickly dismissed the idea. The height would be a give away.
"I am." He answered finally. Argentil coughed and nudged him. "My lord." He blurted at last. The countess smiled, the count stood up.

"You… you are Antus' son? I never thought that my Knight-Commander would have had a child out of wedlock. To have an affair! The scandal…" He started pacing, speaking quickly. "This will not do. Your mother gave you his name? Why? She had no right. Unless…" His expression grew more horrifiedand his mouth widened. "Polygamy? Oh dear. Page! Page!" A Khajiit boy came from nowhere and stood at attention. "Fetch the Knight-Commander. There will be oblivion to pay for this. I shall have him… I don't know what I'll do, but I'll do something." The Khajiit scampered up the stairs very quickly and disappeared behind a stone column.

"M-my lord." Hector said. "Lucius is not Antus Andronicus' son, but his nephew. We have come here to… well it is complicated. I would like to speak with Sir Antus and yourself to explain."

At that moment, Lucius saw a tall, broad shouldered man briskly descending the stairs to the right of the thrones. He had black hair and a face which looked tremendously like Lucius' father's. Which could only mean one thing. The man stopped in mid step, causing the Khajiit behind to walk into him. He stared at Lucius with eyes of… Lucius wasn't sure what. Surprise? Happiness? Hatred?

He continued to stare as he resumed his journey down the stairs. The man came to a stop before the count, when he finally wrested his eyes away.
"You called, my lord?" He asked, bowing.
"I did. There is something which these people would like to speak to you about." The count replied.
"I think it would be better if we discussed this in private, husband." The countess suggested. "Herald, clear the hall."

The herald was slow to obey, he looked like he wanted to stay and listen, but he cleared the other early morning petitioners from the throne room.
"Continue, please." The countess urged. She had a soft voice, it was quite soothing.

"Well," Hector started. "Lucius is… your brother's son, sir knight." He addressed the man who had come down the stairs.
The man, who Lucius presumed was his uncle Antus, looked unsurprised.
"We have letters from your brother which explain everything."

[Acadian]

And we meet the uncle!

’What would his uncle do? Would he laugh in his face and throw him from the castle walls? Would he make him a servant, doomed to scrub the floors for eternity while his uncle walked across the room with muddy boots? It was a daunting prospect.’
Here you perfectly capture the boyish apprehensions that I imagine would visit Lucius as he trekked up to the imposing castle.

’The woman looked half asleep, the man looked fully asleep.’
This is delightful. In fact your entire scene within the great hall was wonderful. It moved your story along while giving very human characteristics and imperfections to those inside.

Alas, we must wait to learn the mind of Sir Uncle.

Nit: Its vs it’s. I find it helpful to remember that its=possessive, while it’s is the contraction for it is. You use the contractive it’s four times in your second and third paragraphs where the possessive its is called for in each case.

[mALX]

Would he make him a servant, doomed to scrub the floors for eternity while his uncle walked across the room with muddy boots?

LOVED this line !!! He is understandably nervous of what lies ahead for him, the unknown is a scary place. You captured that here with humor, but the feelings behind the thought were very tangible.

The whole section of tradesmen waiting for the gates to open was a brilliant piece of world-building - loved that !!! And this:

A herald greeted them at the castle's main gates and asked them a few questions, which Hector answered quickly, as though he had rehearsed them.

I'll very much bet Hector did rehearse what he would say, over and over in his mind throughout this journey.

"Ah, our first petitioner." The woman said. "Charus." She nudged her husband. "Charus wake up." The man awoke with a start.

..."Herald? What do I pay you for?"

You never miss an opportunity to give us a minute glimpse of someone's character, these little moments bring your story to life and make the reader feel they are there witnessing everything rather than just reading a story. Love that touch you add to all your chapters, and that segment was a prime example of it !!

I…" Lucius thought about saying no. Perhaps he could claim to be Argentil instead, but he quickly dismissed the idea. The height would be a give away.

You write a very endearing character in Lucius. Awesome character and write !!

At that moment, Lucius saw a tall, broad shouldered man briskly descending the stairs to the right of the thrones. He had black hair and a face which looked tremendously like Lucius' father's. Which could only mean one thing. The man stopped in mid step, causing the Khajiit behind to walk into him. He stared at Lucius with eyes of… Lucius wasn't sure what. Surprise? Happiness? Hatred?

What a moment you have captured here, I found my own self holding my breath for what came next. Looks like the Countess may be Lucius's only friend in that castle!

WHEW!! What a chapter! You can't stop here, MORE !!! MORE !!! WHEW !!! Awesome Write !!!

This post has been edited by mALX: Feb 16 2012, 06:36 PM

[Grits]

I love the descriptions as the group approaches Chorrol. As Acadian and mALX said, I was struck by Lucias’ thoughts about meeting his uncle. They reflected his age and what we already know of him so well. This line:

"I…" Lucius thought about saying no. Perhaps he could claim to be Argentil instead, but he quickly dismissed the idea. The height would be a give away.

Made me smile and want to give him a hug at the same time. I’m looking forward to the next part!!

[TheBrume]

Acadian Thank you for your kind comments.

mALX Thank you. I originally wrote a few nightmares Lucius was to have, one of which featured him scrubbing floors and his uncle's muddy boots.

Grits I'm glad you liked my descriptions.

Chapter Thirteen: Squire
Late First Seed 3E 413

Uncle Antus seemed saddened by something. He sighed as he refolded the letter he had been reading for the last few minutes, though it seemed like days to Lucius.

“Your father asked me to induct you into the Knights of the Oak as a squire.” He said.
“That’s an excellent idea.” The count said, hopping up from his throne. “We always have need of more squires.” He sounded pleased, as if the entire notion had been his.
“I…” Uncle Antus began. Lucius froze, wondering what his next words would be, if he would be sent away or not. Time seemed to slow down as Uncle Antus finished his sentence. “Agree, my lord.” Lucius released an audible sigh of relief. “Lucius, I would be glad to allow you to join our knighthood. Come, I will escort you to your new quarters.” He paused and looked around the room. “Where are your things?”
“We travelled with very little my lord.” Argentil spoke up. “We lost most of our things during the shipwreck.”
Uncle Antus shook his head. “I shall make sure you get new clothes Lucius. As for you two-”
“Argentil was it?” The count seemed to notice the Altmer for the first time. “I find myself in need of a castle mage, you seem capable enough. Would you like the position?”
“I… would be honoured, my lord.” Argentil replied. Lucius found it strange that he had never known why Argentil was on the Necrom Burning. He decided to ask him at a later time.

“And you, sir knight.” The count continued, pleased with himself. “I would like to reward you for your service to our newest squire. Please, name it.”
Sir Hector looked abashed. “I require no reward my lord. I must leave Chorrol soon, for the Imperial City as I have been made the representative of my knightly order to the Emperor.”
“A high ranking position to be sure. Your selflessness is to be admired. I hope young Lucius will take note of this for when he is knighted.” The count smiled. “But please, stay for dinner at least.”

-

Lucius followed his uncle through the castle for a short while. He was led to a long, well lit room with beds, chests and closets enough for six people. tThree beds on the left, three on the right. Each bed had an accompanying closet and chest. At the far end of the room was a round table, ten chairs and a bookshelf.

“You will be sharing this room with some of the other new squires who are supposed to arrive later today. Choose a bed, I will get you some new clothes to change into. You should wait in here until the rest of the squires arrive.” Lucius chose the first bed on the right and sat down on it.
“You aren’t supposed to have a sword you know.” Uncle Antus said, just as he was about to turn and leave. Lucius gripped his father’s sword tighter in response.
Uncle Antus looked thoughtful. “Keep it hidden.” He said as he left.

Antus did not return. Instead a Khajiit entered with a large pile of clothing which he placed on the bed Lucius was sat upon.
“The knight-commander says to wear these.” He said, handing Lucius a pile of clothes. After the Khajiit left, Lucius quickly dressed himself in the assigned clothing. It mostly fit, though he had to keep pulling up his trousers and his boots were a little big. On top of the clothes pile which the Khajiit left was a small bag of coins. Lucius threw the coins into his chest (within which there was a brass key) and locked it. He then set about putting the clothing away. Afterwards he thought about investigating the bookshelf but was interrupted by the door opening.

“You’re a squire too? So am I. Not by choice of course. My parents think bashing peoples heads in with maces is more important than anything else.” A brown haired human boy had marched into the room, shouldering a pack, full of his possessions. “Sorry.” He said. “I’m getting ahead of myself. My name is Armand Sagax. I’m a half Breton, which no doubt accounts for my magic ability, from my mother of course. I failed to inherit my father’s Imperial people skills however. I have no use for people skills anyway.” He yawned and placed his pack on the bed by the bookshelf.

“I am Lucius Andronicus.” Lucius said simply. Armand picked his pack up again and began to open it as he did so, the bottom burst and his belongings tumbled out. There were many books in the pile of the boy’s things.
“I like books.” He explained as he set about picking his things up.

The door opened again. This time, a Nord and a Dunmer walked in. They looked similar to each other. They had the same round face and long nose. Of course, their eyes were different, the Nord’s were blue and the elf’s were red, as was their hair, blonde and black, respectively. But beyond that, they looked strikingly similar. “Roliand,” the Dunmer held out his hand to Lucius, “Delos,” said the Nord, he too offered his hand.
“I’m Lucius Andronicus.” Lucius said, shaking both hands at once, awkwardly. “You are… cousins?” He asked them.
“Twins.” They both said. Lucius frowned.
“Our father was a Dark Elf,” the Nord explained. “Our ma was a Nord.” Said, the elf. “The mages call us a freak of nature, because we are a different race born from the same mother. At the same time.” Delos the Nord continued.
“They thought it would be funny to give us the name of the other race.” Said the dark elf, rolling his eyes.

The pair walked away to introduce themselves to Armand then, leaving Lucius thoroughly confused. Though he had little time to try and work it out as the door opened yet again, another Nord this time. A girl. A fact which Lucius was surprised by, he didn’t know girls could be knights. She had shoulder length golden blonde hair and icy blue eyes. Her skin was a pale white. Lucius had seen few Nords, none of them were like this. A walking stereotype, Argentil would say. She saw Lucius staring at her, mouth slightly agape.
“Elise.” She said. Her voice was high pitched, but not annoyingly so.
“Andronicus.” He responded. “Lucius Andronicus.”

Before he could continue their exchange, the door flew open and created a loud bang as it struck the wall.
“Sorry.” A voice squeaked. An Imperial shuffled in. “I didn’t think the door would be so light.” He then made his way towards one of the two remaining beds.
“I’m Antony. Antony Sintav.” He began arranging some of his things.

Lastly, came a dark haired Imperial boy, he walked with confidence and a grin on his face. He approached and spoke to Lucius first.
“My name is Amiel of Solitude. My father is the jarl of that city. You are?”
“Lucius. My father was knight, then a smith. My uncle is a knight-commander.”
“Ah, no doubt you will receive special treatment yes? I hope I do too. I’m twenty seventh in line to become Emperor.” He said, taking pride in the fact.

Lucius was slightly impressed. “Have you met him? The emperor?” Lucius had never seen the emperor, except on coins. He had been rarely spoken about in Grimdale Moor, except when stories were told during celebrations about how he was kidnapped by an evil wizard.
Amiel’s smile diminished slightly. “No.” He admitted, “But I hope to do so soon, I have heard he is planning a visit to Chorrol in a few months.”

Lucius spoke to each of the others shortly after they entered. He was sure that he would get along well with everyone, even Amiel despite his arrogance.

A little while after everyone arrived, a Redguard man in chain mail with a sword at his hip entered the room.
“What’s this?” Everybody looked at him, confused. “I see only one person in the appropriate clothing.” He pointed at Lucius. “Get yourselves changed.” He continued.
Armand picked up the ‘appropriate’ clothing and made for the door. The Redguard stood in his way.

“In here.” He said, dryly.
“With other people!?” Armand asked, horrified. The Redguard nodded curtly and began surveying the room with his eyes. Lucius followed them with his own. The Merete the Nord was already stripping off. Armand still looked frozen in horror and the twins were looking at everyone else, uncomfortably. Ardian stood where he was and Amiel was under the bed sheets, presumably having figured out a way to change without people seeing him.

Lucius was wondering what the problem was, do they not have underwear in the rest of Tamriel? He answered his own question when his gaze happened to pass over Elise. A firm ‘no’ from Skyrim. In his haste to avert his eyes, he spotted Delos. A firm ‘no’ from Morrowind, or wherever he was from. The others, Imperials, were wearing underwear, but Lucius didn’t look for long anyway, instead, he stared at the ceiling.
It was a good ceiling. Plain in colour, but it had a multitude of cracks running across it, good to look at if lying awake at night, he decided.

-

Eventually, everybody had changed into the appropriate clothing. The Redguard had relented and allowed Armand to change in another room, but nobody else. It seemed that Armand did have a way with people after all. A bad way. An unfriendly way. But a way nonetheless.

Once everyone was assembled, the Redguard barked at them to tidy their beds and put their clothes away. Lucius received some praise (though little more than an approving nod, rather than words) for having already done so. Armand received extra barks for taking so long. He seemed to want everything perfect and arranged in a certain order. It infuriated the Redguard, who had yet to name himself.

Once that was done, he led them out of the room and through the castle to the throne. There were another ten children, presumably squires, already waiting. The count and countess were there, and so was Lucius’ uncle and a few other knightly looking fellows.

“You children,” the count began. “Are to be squires within the Knights of the Oak. You will become knights. You will be trained in swordsmanship, horsemanship and a few other ‘manships’” The count chuckled to himself, the countess looked at him disapprovingly and sighed. “Your lessons start tomorrow. I will see you later.”

[Acadian]

This was great fun! We have Lucius settling in with his fellow squires-to-be. You gave each of them a delightfully distinct personality in a small amount of wordage. I loved the highly unusual twins that you so effectively explained. And how funny everyone’s antics when the Redguard told them all to change clothes! Well done.

Nit: ’tThree beds on the left, three on the right.’
Little t big T.

[Grits]

It’s great to see Lucius finally feeling settled. I liked his thoughts about looking at the ceiling cracks. I really enjoyed meeting the other kids. As Acadian said, the changing clothes antics were hilarious. What a fun episode!

[jack cloudy]

Whew, I still don't know how uncle dear looks at Lucius, but at least he doesn't seem to let his feeling effect his actions in a negative way. He could have put it all behind him, or just be professional.

As for the other squires, they came a bit too fast for me but I'll manage. And I also had a good laugh at Lucius' observations regarding the ceiling. Good for sleepless nights indeed.