Knights of the Nine - New Kvatch, Attempt at fan-fic Options

[mALX]

Absolutely loved your rapid-fire narrative style of writing in the beginning - slips in the funniest lines so quickly they can almost be missed - almost, lol.

Ras’sheena ending up Maglir's wife was hysterically funny, but sad at the end.

First off, I love the recurring line, "A girl has got to eat" - and the job history that goes along with it !!

Second - absolutely love how you reshape history of the quests in this! I was rolling on the floor laughing over the Dark Brotherhood changes - especially Lucien's fate !!

Now enters The Dragon Company - great name !!


... .... ... URK !!! Did Ras’sheena die? ARGH !!!


Great Write !!! A little fast, and at over 3800 words - a little long. Still, a Great Write !!!

[Grits]

Oh wow is right. I love your story already. I think I get the bit at the end. But I’ll have to wait and see. I am really looking forward to more!!

[McBadgere]

Thank you both very much...I appreciate that it's long and I thank you for taking the time to read it all...Many thanks... ...

And now...This...



Knights Of The Nine – New Kvatch:

Vol. 1. - Dawn At The End Of The Knight.

1.1 Capture.



"I do not know why I have no trust for the man. He has never given me pause to think his devotion is anything but absolute. He has done all that I ask, more than I have asked time and again. So why do I feel he will be the death of me?

Damnation Gellert, what are you about? And where the hell is McWylde when I need him?"

- Taken from the diaries of Uriel Septim, discovered by Wulff Olfsson in the remains of Cloud Ruler Temple, Rain’s Hand 3E 637.



‘It really was a beautiful weapon,’ thought Caroline McWylde as the Imperial Dragon Warhammer came down slowly - it seemed - a finger’s width from her head. She noted the fine relief worked dragon motifs that seemed bathed in fire from the reflected wall-lamps playing along the length of the slab of Nordic Dragon-smelted Iron that made up the head. She marvelled at the gold-leaf work down the length of the hammer’s Carpacite shaft, so ornate and finely worked that even now – despite the action that she’d seen herself, fighting beside the man opposite all those years ago, nevermind what other work it’d been through since – it showed no sign of wearing. She was even now amazed by the length of Dragon bone that had been magically bonded to the shaft and had then been carved to perfectly fit the grip of Imperial Commander Marrick Gellert - as he’d been then at least – Hero of the Empire, Champion of and to the Imperial Legion, now just another fugitive Marauder, this one operating out of Fort Freedom, an hour’s hard ride south-west of Kvatch.

She’d called on the speed fortifier. Her normally green eyes shining white from the use of Magic, Caroline rushed inside the reach of the hammer. Gellert didn’t have time to blink as Caroline brought her Ebony booted foot up and into her former Commander’s knee, folding it back the wrong way. The scream died in his throat as the breath was knocked from his lungs by the flat of the Ebony longsword coming down across his back and sending him sprawling onto his face.

“The trouble with fighting someone you know so well,” said Caroline, “Is having to wait for that one mistake. But you always did manage to make one mistake, didn’t you?

“Alix killed Derment and left me alive down there. The safest place I could have been it seems. One mistake.”

She smiled to herself as she caught her breath, but then called the magicks, raised her strength and picked up the Warhammer. She walked over to where he lay and leaned down near his ear, “This,” she spat, “was a gift to the best. That has not been you for such a long time.” Caroline hurled it at the other side of the room, shattering a stone block. “WHY?!!” She screamed at his prone body, “DAMN YOU!!” She roughly turned him over and dragged him to sit against a wall. “So, you betray everything and everyone for a chance at what? The Emperor gives you it all, money, fame...His absolute trust...And you let Mythic Dawn in?” She looked down at the floor as she refused to let him see her eyes filling with tears. “And then what? With the Emperor and – apparently - all his heirs dead, the Dragon Company’s mighty Hero rules from the Dragon Throne and makes everything all better?” She laughed grimly, “Did you really believe that Mehrunes Dagon would simply give you Tamriel to rule? Alone? He was determined to turn the world into another realm of Oblivion for The Gods’ sake. Or were you thinking you could use your charms on a Demon Prince? Maybe get him to leave it all as it was, just for you?” She backed away to sit on a nearby crate.

“Well,” came the former Imperial’s reply, “He was certainly more receptive to ideas than you ever were.” She looked away with a wince.

“Oh, you always were soo idealistic and naive weren’t you Caroline? Always willing to believe that we were a perfect band of Legion brothers, and that the whole of Cyrodill was a perfect little utopia, where everyone and everything could live in peace, happiness and contentment, watched over by our great and benevolent father – The Emperor.” Gellert sneered at her. “And now your pathetic beliefs in the weak are on show for all to see.”

Gellert raised a hand as if to indicate the Knights of the Nine cuirass. Caroline realised his intent too late, and that even now part of her was far too trusting where this evil creature was concerned. Seemingly without conscious thought she raised her lightning shield magicks and closed her eyes expecting nothing but to be thrown across the room. Wincing - despite herself - at the noise as the shock-spell went wide. She heard the Marauder cry out, in obvious agony. Re-opening her eyes quickly, she saw Gellert holding his now bleeding arm in shock at the dagger handle now protruding from it.

“Really Caroline, your husband would be most cross with me if he thought I’d let you fall for that old trick.” Said a voice from the doorway to her right. She noticed the green afterglow of the Wood-Elf’s powerful Invisible spell’s premature end still fading.

“Galasafon!” she cried, “What? But I didn’t know you were with us.” Caroline paused, frowned and asked sighing, “Did he ask you to follow me?”

“Well...Maybe...Yes, he did...But the Commander knew – Akatosh damn him – that I had my own reason to follow and...Protect.”

Caroline nodded her thanks to her friend and turned to look on her would-be murderer. She took a step towards Gellert, putting her hand on the pommel of her sword.

“Careful Wylding. That,” he pointed to the sword, “would be murder.” Galasafon quietly said, “Do not become like that...” Indicating the prone Marauder.

“Soo,” Gellert said with obvious discomfort, “Still dragging your little pets with you?..Where’s that little Eldarb*tch you were never far away from?”

The man cried out loudly but briefly as Galasafon non-too-gently retrieved his knife.

“Oh dear,” the Wood-Elf observed “Seems to have fallen asleep...Still, it will give him a nice surprise when he wakes in the Kvatch gaol.”

“You can keep him asleep till then?.”

The Wood-Elf gave her a dark look. “Oh yes...”

Another Knight rushed into the room, her eyes glowing purple with the life sensing magic. “Caroline we...GAH!!...” The Wood-Elf Aeirawen started as she noticed Galasafon standing beside the body. “How in Oblivion can you hide from...Nevermind,” pointing at Gellert she said, “We must move him...Now...More of his cohorts are returning, and I fear that even Thedret and J’Drell will be overwhelmed.”

Aeirawen turned a loving look on Galasafon and then was gone.

Caroline once more looked down at the man who’d once given her so much hope for the Empire and then betrayed it so completely. She pointed at Gellert then walked out simply saying, “Bring that...”...

Galasafon, noticing a glint from the other side of the room, went over to the far wall.

“What a beautiful weapon...” He noted, picking the Dragon Warhammer up with one hand. He walked towards the door, waved his other hand in the direction of former Imperial Commander Marrick Gellert and levitated the unconscious body out of the bowels Fort Freedom and up towards the dawn...

This post has been edited by McBadgere: Oct 27 2011, 06:21 AM

[mALX]

Now you're talking !! WHEW !!! This is AWESOME !! And gives us an intriguing glimpse into your creative mind and abilities !! MORE MORE !!! Awesome Write !!!

[Acadian]

’Bosmer lady Knight this time...’
Really have to watch out for those Bosmer lady knights.

Welcome to the forums and glad to see you posting your story here! Your style is brisk, crisp and fun to read.

[McBadgere]

Cheers muchly!!... ...

mALX - Cheers and probably best you don't get more than a glimpse into that mind... ...

And Acadian - Cheers for the welcome...I was just playing Aeirawen (The BLK) in the real world...She does like her axes!)...

Been having issues with Ibuprofen for a sprained wrist...Who giggled?...Who giggled!!!?...It was a "Tractor Accident"...No, I mean a tractor accident which jarred it last week, and the Ibuprofen has been playing havoc with me getting up...STOP GIGGLING!!!...I mean waking up in a morning...The delicate little flower that I am...So updates will be a week apart probably...

Probably... ...

[Athynae]

Oh McB I would not laugh at your pain (snigger), I know all too well the gentle constitution of the male of the species, I do have two sons....and have fired two husbands. So it is understandable.

Your story is going well thus far, it took me a second read to accustom myself to the style but I LIKE IT. Keep em coming

[treydog]

was a "Tractor Accident"...No, I mean a tractor accident which jarred it last week

As long as you did not say "HEY! Watch this!" just before it happened, it is OK.

(If you need an explanation, apply to Athynae, mALX, or Grits).


[Will comment on story this evening.]

[mALX]

SPEW!! "Tractor Accident," huh? (choke, giggle) Er...where you wearing anything particular at the time? Seriously, hope you get feeling better soon.

This post has been edited by mALX: Oct 27 2011, 06:44 PM

[Grits]

My sympathies on your *cough* "Tractor Accident." (Never heard it called that before...) No, really. I hope your wrist feels better soon.

[McBadgere]

Just to clarify before we all get into trouble for being just a smidge off topic...Should have called it Tractor Incident...

Being as brief as I can...

Boss ploughed field (I work on a farm...You may have guessed this already...), I then work field with thing called a harrow which breaks up ploughed furrows...Ploughing is done up and down field, but the ends go in opposite direction which leaves big wavey things and dips in the corners between...Basically there was an incident where the tractor wheel went down one of these corner dips while the steering wheel was turned, and as I was holding it quite firmly...Stop it...The steering wrenched around and sprained my wrist...Much swelling and grinding and mui painkilling drugs!!...Have stopped now though...Back to story...

Many thanks for the sympathy...*Bows*...

[mALX]

Just to clarify before we all get into trouble for being just a smidge off topic...Should have called it Tractor Incident...

Being as brief as I can...

Boss ploughed field (I work on a farm...You may have guessed this already...), I then work field with thing called a harrow which breaks up ploughed furrows...Ploughing is done up and down field, but the ends go in opposite direction which leaves big wavey things and dips in the corners between...Basically there was an incident where the tractor wheel went down one of these corner dips while the steering wheel was turned, and as I was holding it quite firmly...Stop it...The steering wrenched around and sprained my wrist...Much swelling and grinding and mui painkilling drugs!!...Have stopped now though...Back to story...

Many thanks for the sympathy...*Bows*...

URK! Sorry for your injury! Hope you get feeling better soon!

[McBadgere]

I apologise if my previous post sounded kinda short...Therein is proof of why you shoudn't rush post last thing at night... ...

Honest, more story coming soon... ...

[McBadgere]

New parts for you!!!... ...

If I've missed anything, please be gentle... ...

The clocks went back in the UK last night, but I'm not allowed the hour extra in bed, due to my...SnassnFrassn...Work...Bloody doing a favour for the boss... ...Aaamywho, it's currently saying 3.30am on the BBC News channel...*Winces*...

Heh... ...D'you know, I've never really noticed what such an old woman I am...Always complaining... ...

Anyhow...

This...



1.2 - Outside.



FAO Meister Modryn Oreyn,
Fighters Guild-Hall,
Chorrol.

Dear Meister Oreyn,

It is with regret that I must inform you that we have to expel your nephew from the University.

He is a bright, hard working, ever charming and brilliant student. I have nothing but praise for him as a person, and wish him nothing but the best for his future.

However he is undiscipline-able. That is to say. He is not able to stay within the magical discipline that is presented to him. And everything he does in class causes considerable chaos and consternation.

Also, despite all attempts at removal, his “Uncles” continue to be an absolute distraction to all the University’s residents. Especially in the dormitories. The other students have been terrified to wake up to one or the other hanging over them. This is unacceptable.

I regret that this action must be taken, and I shall send whatever aid I can through Archmagister Teekeeus at the Chorrol chapter of the Mages Guild. But it is for the best of the University and its students.

Again, kind regards towards Kelleryn, your good self and your Guild-Master.


Yours regretfully, Hannibal Traven (Archmage).




The recently be-knighted Kelleryn Oreyn retrieved the dagger from the Khajiiti, and offered a prayer to commend her soul to The Nine. Wiping the blood on the dewy grass, Kelleryn looked up at the two moons fading in pre-dawn light. Reciting the names of both in all the languages of Tamriel, and briefly listing the names of the mare to be seen on them, he then looked to the east to try and gauge the hour...

“Well, not long and we won’t have the luxury of darkness to cover us.” He turned to his Ancestor Guardian, “I do hope Knight-Marshal McWylde snares her quarry soon.” Then, indicating the kill he said, “We should go and report this to Knight-Marshal J’Drell.” With that, he gestured for the ghost to follow towards the Fort’s main entrance where he knew the Marshal was crouching behind the forewall.

Kelleryn moved swiftly but as stealthily as was possible - for him - towards the fort. He paused behind the trees which lined the broad entrance causeway. The Elf then looked back towards the arch, where the causeway met the main road from Anvil, and saw the massed group there.

“Oh...” he started.

“Careful,“ said a voice by his ear, “you wouldn’t want us telling your Uncle Modryn that you’d picked up our colourful language now, would you?”

Spinning around, Kelleryn instantly had his staff in one hand and his Ebony shortsword in the other.

“C’mon kid, I’d have had time to make breakfast while you were spinning,” said a Redguard knight, now a short way off.

“Sir Deaconsson!” Kelleryn exclaimed in a forceful whisper. The ghost moaned his disapproval.

“No names dammit!” the knight came back. “No names while we’re out here, and while I get that he – for some reason – won’t disappear,” the knight pointed to the ghost, “can you try and send him off a little so we don’t have a big light saying ‘here we are’ following us?”

The Ancestor told Kelleryn what he thought of that.

“Yes, well...Sir Deaconsson may have a point Honoured Uncle...Please could you go and see if Uncle is okay with the horses”. The ghost moaned and pointed at Sir Deaconsson then sped off through the trees in the direction of the horses.

“You mean to say that the Wraith is called Uncle too?” asked the Redguard.

“Yes, the wraith is called Uncle”

“How does that not get confusing?”

“What do you mean?” asked Kelleryn.

“Isn’t the ghost called Uncle too?”

“No,” replied the Dark-Elf, “He’s called Honoured Uncle.”

Sir Deaconsson regarded the Elf. Average height, passably strong – if a little thin - body, blue-black hair framing a face with pleasant features possessed of a natural tendency towards smiling...Occasional sadness in his eyes maybe. He’d only met Kelleryn late afternoon yesterday, but Deaconsson could tell already that the Elf’s magic was strong. He seemed to be conjuring something constantly, possibly even unconsciously. Even now he could see the light escaping from his mostly closed hand. And as for how in The Nine’s name the kid could keep the Guardian and the Wraith alive at the same time and over these distances was beyond the Redguard.

“Riiiight,” replied Sir Deaconsson, “C’mon, they’ll be waiting.”

They crossed the remaining distance quickly and joined J’Drell behind the wall.

“Ooooh,” said the silver-blue Argonian J’Drell “Bless-ed are we to be joined by our newest friend. What brought you from your appointed task little Elfling?”

“Knight-Marshal, Honoured Uncle saw a Khajiiti scouting out the horses, so we followed her. She was about to...Leave...When I had to stop her.”

“Yeesss, I saw,” The big Argonian replied “I had been...Distracting the three of them for a while...To aid your quests.”

“Three?” Asked Kelleryn.

“Yeesss, yours – good job by the way, nice throw...Yeesss...Praise be to your tutors newest Knight-friend...Oooh, and young Deaconsson there took care of his – not unsurprisingly – and then there’s Friend Sir Thedret who will be joining us from over there on the left,” The Argonian’s eyes shone like a mirror and he put his head over the wall, “any time...Now...”

There was the briefest whisper and a knight slowed to a stop and crouched behind the wall.

“Dammit, he put a hole in my best chainmail...”

“Ooooh...Are you wounded much?” The Argonian asked.

“Just a little. Lucky swipe is all. I’ll live though.”

“Oh well,” said the Argonian, “Shame. I’d best move my stuff out of your house again then. Your wife will be disappointed. She does so love my baubles.” He grinned.

As J’Drell finished this taunt and Thedret had mock-glared at him, the Argonian placed his glowing hand to Thedret’s side to check his wound.

“Damn,” J’Drell sighed, his fins drooping, “easy enough to heal...You’ll feel nothing soon...Oh well...Nevermind...Bless-ed are you...”

Thedret smiled his thanks to his friend and resumed his look out.

Kelleryn took in his surroundings. He found himself considering the horses...Being watched by a ghost and a wraith seemed to put most anyone in an agitated way, let alone a horse. Still, the Knights’ horses could probably deal with pretty much anything.

He smiled to himself as he thought of his company. Sat here right now were two of the most celebrated Knights of The Nine. J’Drell and Thedret.

Sir James Thedret had been one of the original knights that had been at the reformation of the Knights during the Chapel Murders saga. Sir Thedret's list of accomplishments since were a book in themselves. But he had sealed his immortality with being one of the four Knights of The Nine that had accompanied Martin Septim and his Blades to the Imperial City to battle with Mehrunes Dagon.

J’Drell had been one of those that joined soon after the Ayleid king had been dealt with, but soon he too proved a worthy addition when The Oblivion saga had reared its head. He’d read that J’Drell was one of only three Knights that had faced an Oblivion Gate alone. The village he rescued had now affectionately nicknamed itself “Drell’s Gate” in his honour. He was also one of the four with Martin. And then there was his hunt and the trials for the damned Dragon Company after it was all done.

Thedret and J’Drell. J’Drell and Thedret. Their names always linked together. Now sat here bickering as only two old friends can.

Add these two to the other members of the party, which included the wife of the Knights’ Commander – A Knight-Marshal in her own right – Then there’s Knight-Marshal Aeirawen who together with Marshal Galasafon had hunted the Dark Brotherhood seemingly to extinction.

He’d been told by Deaconsson that out there somewhere were two others, a Captain Marcus Jarn and General Carodus Oholin, chief of the Knights Shadow, and another of the original reformation Knights. There was also a legendary Nord General, two Captains that were slowly growing in fame, Deaconsson here who was headed straight towards the Knights Shadow himself and three other knights that he hadn’t really had time to meet properly, but was sure their worthiness was of no doubt.

“I hope I’m not speaking out of turn Sirs...” Said Kelleryn.

Deaconsson rolled his eyes and said “Which means you probably are...”

“But still, may I ask something?” enquired the Elf.

“Oooh, so many questions!..Excellent, I do so love a puzzle game...” Answered J’Drell. “Please, continue my young new friend.”

“Aren’t we risking a lot of...” He hesitated, “Seniority for a fugitive capture? Surely one of the Captains’ companies could do it just as well?”

“Ooooh, Sir Thedret, heh, he just called you old...”

“Drell, he said senior...As in rank...Not the same...Right kid?..” Thedret narrowed his eyes, “Right?...”

“Yes...I mean no...Um...” He paused, ”Sirs, we have two Generals, four Knights-Marshal, three Captains and five ‘mere’ Knights...I believe that would be very senior people for just a grab?”

“Blessed am I to be amongst all these glitterati!! Where are they youngster? I only see Knights wishing to finish work that was begun many years ago,” Seriously J’Drell said, “There has been much labour and toil and death to get where we are sat here and now. We Must. Not. Fail. That is why we risk this much for that. Do you know who is in there youngster?” He spat and indicated the fort.

Kelleryn shook his head, “I was only asked to accompany by Marshal McWylde, she never said why.”

“He and his let the Mythic Dawn into the Imperial Palace. That’s him in there Oreyn...That’s Gellert!!...He personally murdered Blades, servants and worse – the youngest of the Emperor’s sons had run to him for protection. The b*stard just ran him through.” J’Drell looked sadly toward the ground. “That is why we risk so much.”

J’Drell wrinkled his nose in disgust but then calmed.

“However all this does get old Thedret here some much needed exercise. He was in danger of needing a new size of armour!”

This post has been edited by McBadgere: Oct 30 2011, 01:07 PM

[treydog]

I usually have a lot more to say, what with being so in love with the sound of my own voice (keyboard?), but… This story just bowls me over. The characterization is wonderful, as is the action; the sense of history- individual and world; and the depth of feeling.

Oh the letter from Hannibal is simply priceless. Sounds like Kelleryn and a certain albino Khajiit would have gotten along like naptha and a torch….

The entire section with the Ancestor Guardians and their (completely not confusing to anyone) names was beautiful. That is the kind of character-specific world-building that makes a story sing.

“Ooooh...Are you wounded much?” The Argonian asked.

“Just a little. Lucky swipe is all. I’ll live though.”

“Oh well,” said the Argonian, “Shame. I’d best move my stuff out of your house again then. Your wife will be disappointed. She does so love my baubles.” He grinned.

And then--- the banter above. Brilliant.

Followed in perfect narrative sequence with the dark reason behind the Knights’ mission to that place.

Nits:

“…dewey grass…” I believe you want “dewy”- otherwise it is a type of grass named for someone whose goes by “Dewey.”

“two moons’…” Not a possessive here, so no apostrophe.

“Reciting the names in all languages of both…” As written, sounds like the languages are those of the moons… Suggest- “Reciting the names of both in all languages….”

OH- and I simply LOVE the idea of a “mare” in the moons- especially given the (intentional?) pun on the "real" moon's features….

[McBadgere]

Done!...Cheers... ...

Word kept telling me that dewey was wrong but it didn't look right the other way...So I left it...Duh... ...

Two moons' apostrophe ( ) was left behind from a previous sentence, I missed it in the edit...

It is meant to be (as in pronounced) mar-eh as in the "seas" on our moon...But I don't know how to do the accent thingy on the end of it...I know there's a way...But it's probably technical...And I can push these buttons to make the nice word-y thingies come out...Pretty much my level really... ...

Glad you liked the rest too...Much appreciated...

[King Coin]

I read through the first chapter and I enjoyed it for the most part, but I found it difficult to follow what was going on at times.

I do like how our Khajiit always seemed to find herself on the wrong end of the quests we all do in the game. I'm glad she wasn't in the DB for very long, I have a hard time liking murderers.

[Athynae]

“…dewey grass…” I believe you want “dewy”- otherwise it is a type of grass named for someone whose goes by “Dewey.”

Ok Trey if you are going to pick a "nit" then it seems only right that someone "nit-picks" on you. I think you meant "...who goes by Dewey".

McB I am really liking the story thus far. Occasionally I have to read parts over for clarity but I am already seeing improvement between the first post and this newest one. You are on a good track with a wonderful story. Your characterization is colorful and interesting.

(Just had to pick on Trey a bit, he's a little OCD when it comes to grammatical errors and such so when I catch him I have to pick on him)

This post has been edited by Athynae: Nov 4 2011, 11:57 AM

[Acadian]

Interesting. You have placed aspects of the Fighters Guild, Mages Guild and Knights of the Nine in a blender with some Bagere sauce and just a touch of catnip.

So Kelleryn and his see through ethereal ancestors are Dunmeri relatives of old Modryn. And Kelleryn is a real Knight of the Nine. But as a mage. . . not so much it seems. I guess that darn Hannibal always has to pee on the imp chips! And Thedret! And his finned friend. Oh and horses. Luvs horses.

This post has been edited by Acadian: Oct 31 2011, 12:32 AM

[McBadgere]

Thanks all of you for reading...It's much appreciated...I'm really enjoying writing it...I'm almost regretting that Skyrim's going to put it on hold for a bit really...Almost... ...

KC...Cheers for getting through the first bit...The other chapters are shorter, so should be easier...

Athynae...Cheers for taking the time to re-read it...I keep forgetting it's not tele...And not everyone can see it as it's in my head... ...

(Just had to pick on Trey a bit, he's a little OCD when it comes to grammatical errors and such so when I catch him I have to pick on him)

Lol...Fair enough... ...

Acadian...

But as a mage. . . not so much it seems

...Really?...Who said that?... ...

Seriously, thanks for not saying "This is sh*te, get off our site...Right now...Oh yeah...Booyah!!..."...Or anything...

Update soon... ...

This post has been edited by McBadgere: Nov 2 2011, 02:13 PM