Knights of the Nine - New Kvatch, Attempt at fan-fic Options

[McBadgere]

Just quick thank yous...

Acadian...Thank you so much...I shall endeavour to previously each episode from now on... ...

Grits...You remembered!!...Bless you...Thank you so much... ...

Treydog...Cheers so much... ...I know what you mean with Madigan...Surprised the hell out of me too...

Ahh Tiber...I like him... ...

[mALX]

Sorry it took so long to get over here, I blame Skyrim !!! But the truth is, I didn't know you'd posted an update, lol. I agree with Acadian and Grits, thank you for the "as previously seen" addition !!! That really helps people like me who may NOT have understood the plot correctly and thought Tiber Septim returned as an evil....you get the picture, lol.

This chapter was absolutely wild, Huge with imagery !! Awesome Write !!!!

[Zalphon]

The characters definitely sound believable

[McBadgere]

Cheers guys...

Update in th'morning...

I just wanted to say that while I know that all of you are paying so much attention to the dates on my little pre-story sections *Looks over glasses with raised eyebrow...* ( )...They do really ignore much of the Skyrim story I've discovered so far...

Which is the biggest, most lazy piece of crud I've ever had the misfortune of looking forward to...It contradicts itself within the game...It's a re-hash of Oblivion in the first place...

It suffers hugely from "Death Star II" syndrome...Oh hells I could go on...

Some of it is okay...The whole Civil War thing I can work in, but the rest of it...*Shakes head*...I can only go so far to fill in their gaps...You know what I mean?...

It does seem to be "Lets hang a story around all the pretty things we can do..."

Idiots...

In short, I shall be continuing to ignore it for the most part...

That's all...

*Robert is unhappy la-la-laaa...*

[haute ecole rider]

Hey, ignore Skyrim if you like. Who passed a law that says you have to write your stories inspired by Game I to be retroactively compatible with Game II?? Fuggedaboutit and just write what you want to write!

That's what I plan to do, and Skyrim be damned!

[McBadgere]

Thank you... ...Sorry, I'm a bit frazzled what with one thing and another in RL at the mo...Damned real life!!... ...

Aaaamywho...

NEW, IF SLIGHTLY SHORTER PARTS!!!... ...

Note on Elipses...They're in there...It's to suggest disconnection and pausing and I think while it may not be technically right, I think they need to be there...Just saying...



Previously on KOTNNK...

Commander Robert McWylde and the other high-priests of the Nine had taken part in a ceremony to light a magical barrier that would keep away all threats from Oblivion...Apparently...However this ceremony had left McWylde severely weakened, so he was unable to go on the raid at Fort Freedom with his wife. Having fallen asleep talking, the next morning McWylde and his Altmer friend, the Archmage of the Unseen um...Arcane University - Seri Ormandin, and Ormandin's Dark-Elf bodyguard Maloryn had been breakfasting IN MCWYLDE'S APPARTMENTS IN NEW KVATCH!!...( )...When they were interrupted by the appearance of an old man claiming to be called the Divine formerly known as Talos - Tiber Septim...

Probably... ...


1.6 – A Gift.



...For as long as I have known him, Robert McWylde has been restless, constantly searching for something. He throws himself into everything he does, in his duties and his studies. Kenth Olford said he’s almost supernatural with the sword, his other tutors say much the same of his other disciplines. Kardi Altruern says he is truly terrifying when Robert loses himself in the Prescience.

And yet I feel sad, he so rarely seems to let himself live. I have lived long and as full as I was ever able. McWylde has lived long but I have yet to see him live fully.

Heh, perhaps he is waiting for me to order him to do so!

I may have to in the end. He is far too good a man to be taken by the life he and the other Elitarii are in.

I hope he finds what he is looking for, for he is like a son to me.

I know in my heart Robert will never let me down. I pray I am able to tell him how proud I am to have known him one day.



- Taken from the diaries of Uriel Septim, discovered by Wulff Olfsson in the remains of Cloud Ruler Temple, Rain’s Hand 3E 637.




The logs on the fire in Commander McWylde’s living room continued to crackle, despite all noise from outside, and the ticking of the clock on the mantle having stopped. The candles’ small flames continued. Dust motes, briefly glowing like nova in the sunlight, continued to spin around the room.

In short, besides the obvious, not much was different to any morning.

Then as a conversation starter, Seri Ormandin, a man Robert McWylde had called friend for more years than he could remember simply said -

“So you’re no longer Talos then?...One of the Nine Divines?...Many, many shrines, chapels and dedications in your...His name. That’s going to take some tidying up.”

“Hah,” Said the Divine with a genuine smile, “I like you Archmage...Yes, yes I do...Wish I’d had someone like you about in my day...Damn this is fine tea...Who made this?” The Archmage looked around to Maloryn.

Tiber Septim, the first of the Septim line, looked at Maloryn raised the mug and said “Excellent tea my boy...Excellen...” This second compliment faded in volume as the God narrowed his eyes. He looked closer at the Dark-Elf. There was a suggestion of movement from the table but almost instantly Septim was in front of Maloryn, staring into his eyes.

Tiber laughed then looked around to McWylde and asked “Do you believe in coincidence Robert?” McWylde looked over at his Altmer friend then turned back and simply shrugged, “Well I don’t.” Said the God. He looked down at Maloryn and said, “Give my regards to your Grandmother won’t you?” There was a further almost movement and he was back at the table, this time with an apple in his hand.

Seri looked at the Dark-Elf with a question but Maloryn simply turned away.

“Mmmm, excellent...I haven’t had a real apple in nearly four hundred years...Apparently.” He looked over at the fireplace and was simply there.

He bent down and poked at the fire with the tongs. “Does any of you know how I became a God? Hmmm?”

“Which version do you want?” Asked Ormandin.

“Indeed.” Said Septim, with a sigh. Then he was back at the table, “Indeed. Would you believe I have no idea? I’ve been a passenger on this merry ride for almost four hundred years and I have no idea why. And now, thanks to your little party to light that jolly pretty Allfire...I went to see it before I came here you know?...Jolly pretty...Ummm...Oh yes, you lit the Allfire Robert. You called me...Well...Us...Him...And well, something’s happened...We’re...Me again...And - as they used to say in my day - I’m right Royally pissed...Do they still say that?” He looked about. Robert laughed and even Maloryn smiled. “Anyhow, whatever Talos was is still me I suppose. And though I never wanted this...Not really.” Robert thought he looked sad. “On my word I shall still honour everything he was supposed to, and the Chapel of Talos will continue as it was...They may not get quite the answers they are used to anymore though.” He grinned.

“My Lord...” Robert started to say.

“You can stop that too.” The God said, pointing.

“Sorry?”

“Stop the ‘My Lord’ rubbish...We’re all old war-boys here...Tiber will do.”

Robert was stunned briefly then said, “Umm...Tiber...Without seeming to question a divine visit, but...Why are you here?”

“That is the question isn’t it?...Why are we here?...Oh...Wait...You mean here, as in now...Oh yes...Time moves very strangely out there,” he gestured, “So although - I’m guessing – it’s only been a couple of days here...Yes?” Nodding, “Yes...Out there...Well, it’s as long as we want it to be...Tea parties could last for aeons...Which would be a real pain if Akatosh gets in a mood...Which is often I’m afraid...But anyway...We’ve all decided to give you lot that lit the fires, gifts...Well, I say we’ve all decided...It’s been decided...But you’ll get your gift...Umm...Some won’t be obvious...Some of them,” He waved generally up, “Move...Mysteriously...But Godly gifts you will receive nonetheless...”

McWylde felt sad at the memory again and said, “I’m afraid you’re too late for one of us...Tiber...Fadrin Madigan, priest of Zenithar died after the ceremony.”

Septim raised his eyebrows over his mug of tea. “You don’t say?...Obvious gifts Robert.”

Robert looked at Ormandin as his heart skipped, but he read ‘No, wait and see’ in the Altmer’s eyes.

“But anyway,” Continued the Septim, “As you are and always have been my Champion I have two gifts for you...In fact it could be said I have three for you.”

Tiber was suddenly by the fireplace looking at the clock. “One, is this,” he said pointing, at the stopped clock, “And trust me, you’ll thank me for that.” He was back by the table again. “Two, we’ll get to later...After we’ve dealt with three...” He took another brief drink of tea, sighed and then his eyes glowed fiercely, “Won’t we Stendarr old boy?”


---------------------------------------------

[Acadian]

A very invitingly-written opening paragraph.

I like how Tiber fast travels and you portray it extremely well. He certainly has quite the Sheogorathesque manner about him.

As ever, very fun to read!

[Grits]

Wow, Ormandin didn’t dance around the subject with the Divine formally known as Talos. Oh, it’s Tiber again. So, are you staying?

I love how Tiber popped around the living room with a mug of tea, distracted by being back in the mortal world. And Godly gifts, even for the departed Madigan? Tiber and Maloryn’s grandmother? (I may have gotten that last part wrong.) Love it!

[McBadgere]

Acadian...Many thanks as ever...I'm glad you're still enjoying it... ...

Grits...Staying?...

And as for Maloryn's grandmother...You not know Tiber's history?... ...It's in the books... ...

[treydog]

As always, I am a geek when it comes to rational explanations for how and why magic works- especially when they include why it shouldn't...

The "projections" were simply wonderful- particularly the waving doll.

“Repeat after me. I will not lip-read my Generals who are crouched in the gloom of a gateway very early in the morning and are getting grouchy because they haven’t had their cuava yet...Nevermind. Nice job."

There are moments that tell us far more than all the hagiography in the world ever would. AND make us laugh.

It could be said that it looked much like a man, in the same way it could be said a wolf looks much like a dog. Two muscular legs, rising through an equally toned midriff, and - aside from the obvious - a well-built roughly human torso. On the top of it all stood a head. A giant head. No eyes, and where they should be, the top of the head curled out and up so the whole head looked like a giant mushroom.

Why do I think this does not bode well? Just a wee suspicion, mind you...

“Yskraich.”

OK that makes it official. It IS bad. And I don't even KNOW that word.

Still absolutely enthralled by this story- no surprise, given that I watch The Magnificent Seven whenever it is on...

[McBadgere]

Cheers Trey...I'm glad you're still going with it... ...And all you others too!!...Thanks so much... ...

I looked up hagiography...I still don't understand it...Damn good word though... ...

Magnificent Seven?...Certainly in my Top Five Films of all time mate!!... ...Love it... ...

Cheers... ...

Aaaamywho...

NEW, IF SLIGHTLY LONGER PARTS!!!... ...

Edit - Forgot me previously on KOTNNK!!!....

Previously on KOTNNK!!!...

Small force, fort, J'Drell, Caroline Mcwylde, Thedret et al...Uncles..."Sex with Elves"...Many Baddies, Yskraich!!...

Meanwhile Niil Deaconsson had been sent into the fort's interior to help protect the civilians, as General Oholin felt that the expected all out sword fight was not one of Deaconsson's strong suits...



1.7 – Stand.




Beware the Yskraich that lives out beyond
Two hands take your soul
Two hands break your bones
If last hand you shake in friendship’s frail bond
Kiss goodbye your all
Your world soon be gone...



Ayelid nursery rhyme, translated by Tar-Meena, Chief Archivist, The Arcane University. 3E 440.





Kelleryn had explained to the horrified knights all the history that was known of the Yskraich.

“So how the hell do we stop it if it’s un-killable?” Asked Thedret.

Kelleryn shrugged.

J’Drell hissed.

An obviously pained Galasafon said, “We need to go...Now...Aeira...Gnn-need to take this out of here. Get him to Kvatch as soon as possible.” He indicated Gellert, “Sorry Caroline, your husband may kill me for this.”

“Maybe,” McWylde answered pointing, “but if you lose him on the way, I know I will too...”

“Well, at least my life will stop being interesting at least...Aaahh...” He added, wincing. “I need one of your horses, mine is too far away...I left it...Gnnnh... further into the woods...”

“Mine...” Said Kelleryn. Difficult it sometimes was to tell on a Dark-Elf, but Kelleryn was obviously paler. “Cheydinhal Black horse. He will...Will...Help...Carrying him...” Kelleryn pointed at the prisoner.

“What’s his name?” Asked Aeirawen.

“Ewythr.”

There was a huge laugh from J’Drell next to Kelleryn, Aeirawen and Caroline smiled broadly and even Galasafon offered up a chuckle.

Aeirawen leaned over and kissed Kelleryn on the cheek. “Stay alive Oreyn. Galas come on...Gentlemen, lady.” She bowed, then picked up the Dragon Warhammer in one hand and with the other grabbed the other Wood-Elf, who in turn levitated Marrick Gellert and they both ran in the direction of the horses.

“For those of us not entirely familiar with every Elvish word, what was that all about?” Asked Thedret.

“Oooh...Heh...Oww...Friend Elfling’s horse...Heh-heh...His name...Is Uncle...”

Thedret smiled, shook his head and resumed looking outward.

Kelleryn, for his part, blushed...

“Oh damn.” Said Thedret, “I’m not sure it’s gonna be worth trying to stay hidden for much longer.”

J’Drell looked over the wall and augmented his eyesight once more. He could see the monster lumbering towards them, still at the end of the causeway, but coming closer. Suddenly it stopped. Then some of the spines on the Yskraich’s back started glowing fiercely, and two of the arms started some complicated arc motion. Then, from its mouth, a glowing ball of light oozed out. J’Drell watched as it grew and then shot up into the air. A furiously glowing, eye-watering fuchsia eye looked down at them.

“Ah hell,” said Thedret as he stood up, “Really not much point now.” He could see the massed forces beyond the Yskraich all glowing the same colour as the eye. He looked down at himself then turned around to see the same glow around the others. He could also make out a running form headed for them through the fort’s entrance and the shapes of some people in the depths of the fort. He looked towards where the horses were and sure enough, he could make out the horses and the retreating forms of Galasafon and Aeirawen.

“Damn.”

---------------------------------------------------

Deaconsson was pretty unimpressed with his chances before the headaches and the massive life detect spell had shown up. While he granted that the kitchen was big, it was also full of stuff. The knights had moved everything they could to the walls of the room in order to clear some swinging space, but if it came to a fight, Deaconsson thought it would be near impossible to win if they managed to get through the door. It was still open at the moment, waiting to be closed when it became necessary. Captain Ordan had put Deaconsson’s friend, Marlshan Jacks in the corridor beyond the door, watching and listening for signs of anyone that wasn’t Holforn, or one of the Knights outside, which they could – rather disconcertingly – now see the shapes of, through the walls.

Some of the staff contingent’s women had started crying and screaming – not unreasonably - as the fuchsia glow had appeared. What probably scared them most was the amount of rats they could see scurrying around the gaps between the stone walls’ blocks. Fortunately, the somewhat portly Breton, Sir Keern Ralman seemed to have more than his share of calming voice spells and had managed to reduce the wailing down to a muffled sob. Hells even Deaconsson felt better about things now.

“Are we going to die mister?” asked a young maid.

“We’re going to do our best to prevent that happening ma’am.” Said Captain Ordan. “The Nine will protect us all.”

“Oooh, lucky us then!” Said another woman with much scorn, this one Deaconsson thought, suggested washerwoman.

That’s Ordan thought Deaconsson, belief in the Nine’s power so strong as to the exclusion of imagination. Good enough to make Captain, but that’s as far as he’ll go. And – presumably – why General Oholin had given the Redguard the message to deliver do and use whatever it takes to keep everyone alive. He had given Ordan the message only to receive a snort as a reply.

“I think I can manage to hold one room.” Was his reply. Deaconsson had had his first misgivings at that point and it was getting worse.

Deaconsson took in the room. A large, rectangular room. An open fire and ovens along one wall, with chimneys and flues leading up through the ceiling, presumably to exits somewhere on the walls outside. A door to the large cold storage room, where all the fresh food was kept aerated by a few small holes in the wall. All the preparation tables, utensils and whatever else had been shoved along the walls, clearing a space wide enough for three of them to fight in, with one of them behind to protect the civilians, who at the moment were huddled on the floor or sat on chairs at the back of the room. He looked at the group of fifteen men and women. Mostly human, with an Argonian and a couple of Altmer thrown in.

Deaconsson sighed. Maybe whoever comes from that host outside to re-take the fort will be content with removing the knights and leave the staff alone. Maybe. But Deaconsson had once been out with J’Drell and seen for himself the horror that had befallen civilians in ravaged forts. Best to hold and make damned sure.

He looked at the cold storage door again. Then at the men and women. “Ladies, Gentlemen, it’s not going to be pleasant, but until we know what we’re dealing with, you need to get in there.” He said pointing.

“Deaconsson!” Ordan had hissed. Deaconsson looked around at him with his eyebrows raised in question. Ordan sighed, shook his head and walked towards the storage door.

“My friend is right,” he said opening it, “You will need to clear some of it out, but you will all fit in. So if you would be so kind as to get to that.” He bowed slightly towards the staff.

He walked back to Deaconsson as the people worked. “Don’t do that again. I will give any good ideas due consideration, but you will run them through me first.”

Ordan. Close cropped blonde hair on top of an instantly forgettable face, which was set above a tall, wide set frame. You could tell just by looking at him he was from a career soldier’s family, and by his accent probably from some small settlement near Leyawiin. He didn’t come across as a city man. He’d joined the Legion – presumably, as was expected of him – and at some point had found himself called by one of the Nine to come to Kvatch. The Commander had interviewed him – as he did with all the called – and so here he was, dutiful, unimaginative Darl Ordan.

Deaconsson nodded, “Fair enough.”

It was at this point the life detect had gone out.

They waited as the people finished moving themselves into the storage room.

Ordan said to them before he closed and locked the door, “Stay quiet, whatever happens, stay quiet. It may save your life. I am going to lock this door and see if I can get the key under the door. When it is all done, it would probably be best to send it back eh?” The key went under and someone on the other side pulled it the rest of the way.

Deaconsson and Ordan stood and viewed the room. It seemed much bigger now the staff were out of the way.

They looked to where the food had been cleared to.

Ralman had helped himself to some of the cheese.

“Sir Ralman!!” Ordan shouted, “It is most impolite and insensitive to eat the cheese of people so endangered!!

“Especially without offering me some first.” Ordan went over and ate some of the food.

Deaconsson walked over to the kitchen’s door. “Jacks! Anything?!” He shouted down the corridor.

“I can hear something. Don’t know, it may be fighting outside.”

The Redguard looked at the corridor. Not your kind of fight. He turned to look at Ordan, still busy by the food.

He called his speed fortify and ran to where Jacks was.

“It’s a good job I was expecting you Niil,” Said the wiry Imperial, “I’d have been right out my skin.”

The Redguard smiled. “Would have improved your looks no end my friend.”

“This a friendly visit or did you want something? I’m trying to watch for our certain doom here.”

“You’re faster than me, can you go find three bows and all the arrows you can from all that lot?” Deaconsson waved towards the remainder of the fort.

“Three?”

Deaconsson nodded.

“Oh hells. Bloody heroic last stand again, isn’t it?”

“Something like that.”

Jacks nodded. “Something like that.” He grinned and was gone.

Deaconsson raised an eyebrow and looked up the corridor.

“Something like that.”

This post has been edited by McBadgere: Nov 22 2011, 10:53 PM

[Acadian]

I loved seeing Tar-Meena credited for translating that poem!

Fun and unique use of detect life. It seems to affect the targets with a glow that everyone can see instead of displaying glows that only the spell’s caster can see. This has plenty of implications that change how one would use it in game. Very clever!

“It’s a good job I was expecting you Niil,” Said the wiry Imperial, “I’d have been right out my skin.”
The Redguard smiled. “Would have improved your looks no end my friend.”
“This a friendly visit or did you want something? I’m trying to watch for our certain doom here.”
What a brilliantly fun exchange this was!

You had asked me to mention any nits that I noticed:

Generally, I am still having a little trouble keeping everybody and everything straight. You are working against several factors:
- Any location in Kvatch (except the encampment or burned city) does not conjure an image to help orient as to location. If you say Mystic Archives, everyone is automatically there – in the room, at the University, in The Imperial City. If you say Robert McWylde’s study, you have a significant challenge to orient your readers.
- You have many (many) characters and almost none of them exist in the game. Similar to the above location comments, if you say Tar-Meena then everyone is fully with you as to who she is and even what she looks and sounds like. When using non-game characters it presents a much bigger challenge to learn and remember who they are. And that challenge grows exponentially with more characters.
- You write with a ‘free spirited’ style. It can be beautiful like a butterfly as she flutters and flits from flower to flower but, alas, her delightfully unpredictable travel can aggravate the above factors.
I am finding my biggest aid to staying oriented is your ‘Previously on Kotincky’ preludes.

“What’s his name?” Asked Aeirawen.
We talked about dialogue punctuation also. Here you do not want to capitalize the speech tag (asked in this case). This is one of several examples in the episode.

[McBadgere]

*SNIP!!*

This post has been edited by McBadgere: Nov 16 2012, 04:58 AM

[Grits]

His horse's name is Uncle. Priceless.

Aah, the rats! Somehow that’s as bad as the freakin’ monster outside.

Deaconsson sighed. Maybe whoever comes from that host outside to re-take the fort will be content with removing the knights and leave the staff alone. Maybe.

What a chilling thought.


“Sir Ralman!!” Ordan shouted, “It is most impolite and insensitive to eat the cheese of people so endangered!!

LOL. Cheese.


I love this story. I remember who J’drell, Thedret, Kelleryn, Caroline, Aeirawen, and Gellert are, but I had forgotten about Niil Deaconsson and General Oholin. Thank you for the detailed Previously on KOTNNK. An extra reminder is way better than forgetting!

[mALX]

I enjoy your light and rapid writing style a lot, but can def see (and agree with) where Acadian is coming from about the lack of identification with the many characters.

Because you have many years with these characters, you know them intimately - can visualize them in your own mind easily.

We have had only seven chapters with them, and are having to try to imagine what they may look like or sound like when they speak.

If (as in Acadian's example) you had used known game characters and just molded them into the role you wanted them to play - we could easily visualize your characters too, and it would greatly increase the immersion into the fantastic story you have written about them.

Because you are not using known characters (but are essentially creating the new characters from scratch and your own imagination) - it would really help readers bond closer with your plot if they could visualize your characters too.

To me, the most memorable character so far was Ras’sheena. You gave the readers a full chapter of getting to know her, visualize both her looks and personality. In that one chapter we came to care about her and be immersed in her life.

I think what Acadian is trying to say is - even in your light/rapid writing style you could develop these characters a little more so we could feel we knew them as well as you do.

Your imagination is brilliant, that is very clear in your writing. Maybe a bit ADHD, I've wanted to ship you some Ritelin a couple times - but that is part of your genius, as is clear in your rapidly moving plot.

I agree with Grits, Thank You so much for the detailed "Previously on KOTNNK!" That helps me keep up with your intricate plot weaving a lot better!

[Acadian]

After seeing mALX’s comments, I realize how much more tactfully smooth she can be than I.

I truly enjoy your story and smile all the way through it. With your delightful talent, clever humor and gracious manner, you are such a wonderful addition here and I feel fortunate that you grace us with your story. Oh, my fave character is Caroline. I have a fondness for knights of the feminine persuasion.

I certainly hope my intent to be helpful came through as such, and that you can forgive any rough edges or overdoing it in my comments. Please be at ease, my friend. You needn’t worry about my continuing support of your wonderful story!

[McBadgere]

*SNIIPPPP!!*....

This post has been edited by McBadgere: Nov 16 2012, 05:00 AM

[McBadgere]

*SNIIIPPP!!!*

Except for this old one....

"As for the voices...I just use the game ones mostly...Probably easier... ..."

This post has been edited by McBadgere: Nov 16 2012, 05:00 AM

[Acadian]

Oh, that is a great idea and will be very helpful as a scorecard. Well done!

I’m looking forward to your next episode more than ever, now that I’m all armed up with your wonderful character guide. I shall call it the Kotinkipedia!

[jack cloudy]

Oh, I like this a lot. Like everyone else has already said, the prologue gave a rather amusing account of being in the wrong place at the wrong time at the wrong side. The actual story so far is nice too. Maybe it moves a bit slow, but I like how it gives an opportunity to flesh out the relations and all the friendly jabs between the characters.

Now I'm just wondering how Robert, Tiber and the gang will get involved with the events at the fort. And how the knights get out of their sticky situation for that matter.