Knights of the Nine - New Kvatch, Attempt at fan-fic Options

[Acadian]

A very invitingly-written opening paragraph.

I like how Tiber fast travels and you portray it extremely well. He certainly has quite the Sheogorathesque manner about him.

As ever, very fun to read!

[Grits]

Wow, Ormandin didn’t dance around the subject with the Divine formally known as Talos. Oh, it’s Tiber again. So, are you staying?

I love how Tiber popped around the living room with a mug of tea, distracted by being back in the mortal world. And Godly gifts, even for the departed Madigan? Tiber and Maloryn’s grandmother? (I may have gotten that last part wrong.) Love it!

[McBadgere]

Acadian...Many thanks as ever...I'm glad you're still enjoying it... ...

Grits...Staying?...

And as for Maloryn's grandmother...You not know Tiber's history?... ...It's in the books... ...

[treydog]

As always, I am a geek when it comes to rational explanations for how and why magic works- especially when they include why it shouldn't...

The "projections" were simply wonderful- particularly the waving doll.

“Repeat after me. I will not lip-read my Generals who are crouched in the gloom of a gateway very early in the morning and are getting grouchy because they haven’t had their cuava yet...Nevermind. Nice job."

There are moments that tell us far more than all the hagiography in the world ever would. AND make us laugh.

It could be said that it looked much like a man, in the same way it could be said a wolf looks much like a dog. Two muscular legs, rising through an equally toned midriff, and - aside from the obvious - a well-built roughly human torso. On the top of it all stood a head. A giant head. No eyes, and where they should be, the top of the head curled out and up so the whole head looked like a giant mushroom.

Why do I think this does not bode well? Just a wee suspicion, mind you...

“Yskraich.”

OK that makes it official. It IS bad. And I don't even KNOW that word.

Still absolutely enthralled by this story- no surprise, given that I watch The Magnificent Seven whenever it is on...

[McBadgere]

Cheers Trey...I'm glad you're still going with it... ...And all you others too!!...Thanks so much... ...

I looked up hagiography...I still don't understand it...Damn good word though... ...

Magnificent Seven?...Certainly in my Top Five Films of all time mate!!... ...Love it... ...

Cheers... ...

Aaaamywho...

NEW, IF SLIGHTLY LONGER PARTS!!!... ...

Edit - Forgot me previously on KOTNNK!!!....

Previously on KOTNNK!!!...

Small force, fort, J'Drell, Caroline Mcwylde, Thedret et al...Uncles..."Sex with Elves"...Many Baddies, Yskraich!!...

Meanwhile Niil Deaconsson had been sent into the fort's interior to help protect the civilians, as General Oholin felt that the expected all out sword fight was not one of Deaconsson's strong suits...



1.7 – Stand.




Beware the Yskraich that lives out beyond
Two hands take your soul
Two hands break your bones
If last hand you shake in friendship’s frail bond
Kiss goodbye your all
Your world soon be gone...



Ayelid nursery rhyme, translated by Tar-Meena, Chief Archivist, The Arcane University. 3E 440.





Kelleryn had explained to the horrified knights all the history that was known of the Yskraich.

“So how the hell do we stop it if it’s un-killable?” Asked Thedret.

Kelleryn shrugged.

J’Drell hissed.

An obviously pained Galasafon said, “We need to go...Now...Aeira...Gnn-need to take this out of here. Get him to Kvatch as soon as possible.” He indicated Gellert, “Sorry Caroline, your husband may kill me for this.”

“Maybe,” McWylde answered pointing, “but if you lose him on the way, I know I will too...”

“Well, at least my life will stop being interesting at least...Aaahh...” He added, wincing. “I need one of your horses, mine is too far away...I left it...Gnnnh... further into the woods...”

“Mine...” Said Kelleryn. Difficult it sometimes was to tell on a Dark-Elf, but Kelleryn was obviously paler. “Cheydinhal Black horse. He will...Will...Help...Carrying him...” Kelleryn pointed at the prisoner.

“What’s his name?” Asked Aeirawen.

“Ewythr.”

There was a huge laugh from J’Drell next to Kelleryn, Aeirawen and Caroline smiled broadly and even Galasafon offered up a chuckle.

Aeirawen leaned over and kissed Kelleryn on the cheek. “Stay alive Oreyn. Galas come on...Gentlemen, lady.” She bowed, then picked up the Dragon Warhammer in one hand and with the other grabbed the other Wood-Elf, who in turn levitated Marrick Gellert and they both ran in the direction of the horses.

“For those of us not entirely familiar with every Elvish word, what was that all about?” Asked Thedret.

“Oooh...Heh...Oww...Friend Elfling’s horse...Heh-heh...His name...Is Uncle...”

Thedret smiled, shook his head and resumed looking outward.

Kelleryn, for his part, blushed...

“Oh damn.” Said Thedret, “I’m not sure it’s gonna be worth trying to stay hidden for much longer.”

J’Drell looked over the wall and augmented his eyesight once more. He could see the monster lumbering towards them, still at the end of the causeway, but coming closer. Suddenly it stopped. Then some of the spines on the Yskraich’s back started glowing fiercely, and two of the arms started some complicated arc motion. Then, from its mouth, a glowing ball of light oozed out. J’Drell watched as it grew and then shot up into the air. A furiously glowing, eye-watering fuchsia eye looked down at them.

“Ah hell,” said Thedret as he stood up, “Really not much point now.” He could see the massed forces beyond the Yskraich all glowing the same colour as the eye. He looked down at himself then turned around to see the same glow around the others. He could also make out a running form headed for them through the fort’s entrance and the shapes of some people in the depths of the fort. He looked towards where the horses were and sure enough, he could make out the horses and the retreating forms of Galasafon and Aeirawen.

“Damn.”

---------------------------------------------------

Deaconsson was pretty unimpressed with his chances before the headaches and the massive life detect spell had shown up. While he granted that the kitchen was big, it was also full of stuff. The knights had moved everything they could to the walls of the room in order to clear some swinging space, but if it came to a fight, Deaconsson thought it would be near impossible to win if they managed to get through the door. It was still open at the moment, waiting to be closed when it became necessary. Captain Ordan had put Deaconsson’s friend, Marlshan Jacks in the corridor beyond the door, watching and listening for signs of anyone that wasn’t Holforn, or one of the Knights outside, which they could – rather disconcertingly – now see the shapes of, through the walls.

Some of the staff contingent’s women had started crying and screaming – not unreasonably - as the fuchsia glow had appeared. What probably scared them most was the amount of rats they could see scurrying around the gaps between the stone walls’ blocks. Fortunately, the somewhat portly Breton, Sir Keern Ralman seemed to have more than his share of calming voice spells and had managed to reduce the wailing down to a muffled sob. Hells even Deaconsson felt better about things now.

“Are we going to die mister?” asked a young maid.

“We’re going to do our best to prevent that happening ma’am.” Said Captain Ordan. “The Nine will protect us all.”

“Oooh, lucky us then!” Said another woman with much scorn, this one Deaconsson thought, suggested washerwoman.

That’s Ordan thought Deaconsson, belief in the Nine’s power so strong as to the exclusion of imagination. Good enough to make Captain, but that’s as far as he’ll go. And – presumably – why General Oholin had given the Redguard the message to deliver do and use whatever it takes to keep everyone alive. He had given Ordan the message only to receive a snort as a reply.

“I think I can manage to hold one room.” Was his reply. Deaconsson had had his first misgivings at that point and it was getting worse.

Deaconsson took in the room. A large, rectangular room. An open fire and ovens along one wall, with chimneys and flues leading up through the ceiling, presumably to exits somewhere on the walls outside. A door to the large cold storage room, where all the fresh food was kept aerated by a few small holes in the wall. All the preparation tables, utensils and whatever else had been shoved along the walls, clearing a space wide enough for three of them to fight in, with one of them behind to protect the civilians, who at the moment were huddled on the floor or sat on chairs at the back of the room. He looked at the group of fifteen men and women. Mostly human, with an Argonian and a couple of Altmer thrown in.

Deaconsson sighed. Maybe whoever comes from that host outside to re-take the fort will be content with removing the knights and leave the staff alone. Maybe. But Deaconsson had once been out with J’Drell and seen for himself the horror that had befallen civilians in ravaged forts. Best to hold and make damned sure.

He looked at the cold storage door again. Then at the men and women. “Ladies, Gentlemen, it’s not going to be pleasant, but until we know what we’re dealing with, you need to get in there.” He said pointing.

“Deaconsson!” Ordan had hissed. Deaconsson looked around at him with his eyebrows raised in question. Ordan sighed, shook his head and walked towards the storage door.

“My friend is right,” he said opening it, “You will need to clear some of it out, but you will all fit in. So if you would be so kind as to get to that.” He bowed slightly towards the staff.

He walked back to Deaconsson as the people worked. “Don’t do that again. I will give any good ideas due consideration, but you will run them through me first.”

Ordan. Close cropped blonde hair on top of an instantly forgettable face, which was set above a tall, wide set frame. You could tell just by looking at him he was from a career soldier’s family, and by his accent probably from some small settlement near Leyawiin. He didn’t come across as a city man. He’d joined the Legion – presumably, as was expected of him – and at some point had found himself called by one of the Nine to come to Kvatch. The Commander had interviewed him – as he did with all the called – and so here he was, dutiful, unimaginative Darl Ordan.

Deaconsson nodded, “Fair enough.”

It was at this point the life detect had gone out.

They waited as the people finished moving themselves into the storage room.

Ordan said to them before he closed and locked the door, “Stay quiet, whatever happens, stay quiet. It may save your life. I am going to lock this door and see if I can get the key under the door. When it is all done, it would probably be best to send it back eh?” The key went under and someone on the other side pulled it the rest of the way.

Deaconsson and Ordan stood and viewed the room. It seemed much bigger now the staff were out of the way.

They looked to where the food had been cleared to.

Ralman had helped himself to some of the cheese.

“Sir Ralman!!” Ordan shouted, “It is most impolite and insensitive to eat the cheese of people so endangered!!

“Especially without offering me some first.” Ordan went over and ate some of the food.

Deaconsson walked over to the kitchen’s door. “Jacks! Anything?!” He shouted down the corridor.

“I can hear something. Don’t know, it may be fighting outside.”

The Redguard looked at the corridor. Not your kind of fight. He turned to look at Ordan, still busy by the food.

He called his speed fortify and ran to where Jacks was.

“It’s a good job I was expecting you Niil,” Said the wiry Imperial, “I’d have been right out my skin.”

The Redguard smiled. “Would have improved your looks no end my friend.”

“This a friendly visit or did you want something? I’m trying to watch for our certain doom here.”

“You’re faster than me, can you go find three bows and all the arrows you can from all that lot?” Deaconsson waved towards the remainder of the fort.

“Three?”

Deaconsson nodded.

“Oh hells. Bloody heroic last stand again, isn’t it?”

“Something like that.”

Jacks nodded. “Something like that.” He grinned and was gone.

Deaconsson raised an eyebrow and looked up the corridor.

“Something like that.”

This post has been edited by McBadgere: Nov 22 2011, 10:53 PM

[Acadian]

I loved seeing Tar-Meena credited for translating that poem!

Fun and unique use of detect life. It seems to affect the targets with a glow that everyone can see instead of displaying glows that only the spell’s caster can see. This has plenty of implications that change how one would use it in game. Very clever!

“It’s a good job I was expecting you Niil,” Said the wiry Imperial, “I’d have been right out my skin.”
The Redguard smiled. “Would have improved your looks no end my friend.”
“This a friendly visit or did you want something? I’m trying to watch for our certain doom here.”
What a brilliantly fun exchange this was!

You had asked me to mention any nits that I noticed:

Generally, I am still having a little trouble keeping everybody and everything straight. You are working against several factors:
- Any location in Kvatch (except the encampment or burned city) does not conjure an image to help orient as to location. If you say Mystic Archives, everyone is automatically there – in the room, at the University, in The Imperial City. If you say Robert McWylde’s study, you have a significant challenge to orient your readers.
- You have many (many) characters and almost none of them exist in the game. Similar to the above location comments, if you say Tar-Meena then everyone is fully with you as to who she is and even what she looks and sounds like. When using non-game characters it presents a much bigger challenge to learn and remember who they are. And that challenge grows exponentially with more characters.
- You write with a ‘free spirited’ style. It can be beautiful like a butterfly as she flutters and flits from flower to flower but, alas, her delightfully unpredictable travel can aggravate the above factors.
I am finding my biggest aid to staying oriented is your ‘Previously on Kotincky’ preludes.

“What’s his name?” Asked Aeirawen.
We talked about dialogue punctuation also. Here you do not want to capitalize the speech tag (asked in this case). This is one of several examples in the episode.

[McBadgere]

*SNIP!!*

This post has been edited by McBadgere: Nov 16 2012, 04:58 AM

[Grits]

His horse's name is Uncle. Priceless.

Aah, the rats! Somehow that’s as bad as the freakin’ monster outside.

Deaconsson sighed. Maybe whoever comes from that host outside to re-take the fort will be content with removing the knights and leave the staff alone. Maybe.

What a chilling thought.


“Sir Ralman!!” Ordan shouted, “It is most impolite and insensitive to eat the cheese of people so endangered!!

LOL. Cheese.


I love this story. I remember who J’drell, Thedret, Kelleryn, Caroline, Aeirawen, and Gellert are, but I had forgotten about Niil Deaconsson and General Oholin. Thank you for the detailed Previously on KOTNNK. An extra reminder is way better than forgetting!

[mALX]

I enjoy your light and rapid writing style a lot, but can def see (and agree with) where Acadian is coming from about the lack of identification with the many characters.

Because you have many years with these characters, you know them intimately - can visualize them in your own mind easily.

We have had only seven chapters with them, and are having to try to imagine what they may look like or sound like when they speak.

If (as in Acadian's example) you had used known game characters and just molded them into the role you wanted them to play - we could easily visualize your characters too, and it would greatly increase the immersion into the fantastic story you have written about them.

Because you are not using known characters (but are essentially creating the new characters from scratch and your own imagination) - it would really help readers bond closer with your plot if they could visualize your characters too.

To me, the most memorable character so far was Ras’sheena. You gave the readers a full chapter of getting to know her, visualize both her looks and personality. In that one chapter we came to care about her and be immersed in her life.

I think what Acadian is trying to say is - even in your light/rapid writing style you could develop these characters a little more so we could feel we knew them as well as you do.

Your imagination is brilliant, that is very clear in your writing. Maybe a bit ADHD, I've wanted to ship you some Ritelin a couple times - but that is part of your genius, as is clear in your rapidly moving plot.

I agree with Grits, Thank You so much for the detailed "Previously on KOTNNK!" That helps me keep up with your intricate plot weaving a lot better!

[Acadian]

After seeing mALX’s comments, I realize how much more tactfully smooth she can be than I.

I truly enjoy your story and smile all the way through it. With your delightful talent, clever humor and gracious manner, you are such a wonderful addition here and I feel fortunate that you grace us with your story. Oh, my fave character is Caroline. I have a fondness for knights of the feminine persuasion.

I certainly hope my intent to be helpful came through as such, and that you can forgive any rough edges or overdoing it in my comments. Please be at ease, my friend. You needn’t worry about my continuing support of your wonderful story!

[McBadgere]

*SNIIPPPP!!*....

This post has been edited by McBadgere: Nov 16 2012, 05:00 AM

[McBadgere]

*SNIIIPPP!!!*

Except for this old one....

"As for the voices...I just use the game ones mostly...Probably easier... ..."

This post has been edited by McBadgere: Nov 16 2012, 05:00 AM

[Acadian]

Oh, that is a great idea and will be very helpful as a scorecard. Well done!

I’m looking forward to your next episode more than ever, now that I’m all armed up with your wonderful character guide. I shall call it the Kotinkipedia!

[jack cloudy]

Oh, I like this a lot. Like everyone else has already said, the prologue gave a rather amusing account of being in the wrong place at the wrong time at the wrong side. The actual story so far is nice too. Maybe it moves a bit slow, but I like how it gives an opportunity to flesh out the relations and all the friendly jabs between the characters.

Now I'm just wondering how Robert, Tiber and the gang will get involved with the events at the fort. And how the knights get out of their sticky situation for that matter.

[mALX]

That will help me a lot, thank you so much !!!

[McBadgere]

Konitkipedia... ...Most excellent...

Jack Cloudy, cheers for reading!!... ...Glad you liked it...As for Tiber et al...Well, we'll get there...After Christmas, but we will... ...

For now...This...



Previously on KOTNNK...

In the study of Commander Robert McWylde at his apartments within the Knights’ Bastion at New Kvatch, an extraordinary meeting is taking place between the Commander, The Archmage of the Unseen University – Seri Ormandin, his Bodyguard, Maloryn and Tiber Septim. Septim has said that all the humans that took part in the ceremony to light the Allfire (a magical barrier) will be given gifts of some sort. And the Commander’s involves stopping time and – apparently – one of the other divines, Stendarr...




1.8 - Curse.





...There is little doubt that the explosion was centred on what was the Jend’s house, and that whatever caused it was of a power previously unknown. There is literally nothing standing for almost a mile in every direction. Trees, rocks, parts of the house, all were thrown outwards by whatever occurred there. It can be assumed that Mr. Jend was in the house as witnesses saw him enter the property earlier that evening, and his habit was to stay there until next day. Unfortunately what will take some time to ascertain is whether anyone else was in there with him. Perhaps some of the G.T.M.R. operatives can do further testing.


- Preliminary report from the devastation at the house (and surrounding areas) of Michel Jend, near to Bravil. Investicatar Liiaric Jend (no relation). 15th Sun’s Dusk 3E 483.





Archmage Ormandin,

Thank Julianos I found this first. I believe it’s one of Delphine Jend’s old notebooks. As it’s covered in indestruct wards this makes it a more likely idea. I’ve marked the page I think is relevant, but having read through the notes I must say this - DO NOT READ THE WORDS THERE OUT LOUD! To cut a long story short. I believe it’s a cousin to Delphine Jend’s Enemies Explode spell, but it’s much worse. It could be called a Doomsday spell. Well, for whoever casts it it is anyway.

It’s “I” explode.

If you go by the notes, it’s a Word spell, not quite a Nordic Thu’um as it’s in Altmeri but close enough. Anyway, the effect is, it excites the all the thaumaturgia cells in the body individually, at the same time, and then explodes it all. For a layman that is bad enough...If you - or anyone at the University - did it I suspect there would be little of Imperial City left. I'm going to assume that whoever was in the house with Jend was the one who said the words, as Bravil is still standing.

I’ve sent it to you as quickly as I could, you need to hide it away somewhere. If it got into the wrong hands and all that.

Yours, Lii.

P.S. Jenna says “Hi!”.

- Letter from Liiaric Jend to Archmage Seri Ormandin. 22nd Sun’s Dusk 3E 483.



Archmage Seri Ormandin was having the strangest couple of days. Given what the Altmer had seen in his time, calling these days strange was going some. He’d watched his oldest friend, one that Ormandin had known since the other’s childhood, channel the power of a God to light The Allfire, a magical barrier that somehow protects them from dangers posed by Oblivion and all other dimensions. He’d then volunteered his services to Lady Helen Royal, Chief Hospitalier at the College Hospitalier, to assist the recovery of those most affected by the ritual. With the help of several of Cyrodill’s top healers as well as Sirs Avita and Marn Areldur, Sub-Commander Brellin and himself, all but the high-priest of Zenithar had been saved. Barely. Seri didn’t think it best to mention quite how close to death his friend had been.

Having stayed to see Commander McWylde recover at astounding speed, enough that Helen Royal had released the Commander to his quarters with a roll of her eyes and a “Begone!”, he’d stayed – at Robert’s insistence - to catch up on everything.

Then came the news about Marrick Gellert at Fort Freedom and everything was war planning with McWylde’s wife and top echelon Knights. Once all plans and contingencies had been addressed the two retired once more to McWylde’s apartments.

They had stayed talking in the living room but soon after midnight the Commander had fallen asleep, so the Altmer had seen him covered in a blanket, then suggested that if McWylde’s assistant Tauren came in to complain once more then the Archmage would turn him into a scamp, and then Ormandin allowed his bodyguard get some sleep himself.

The Archmage had sat and read a few of the Commander’s books. He’d just finished Brellin and Sir Gukimir’s proposal for the designs of New Kvatch - which seem to have been followed pretty much as was drawn, though a great deal of New Kvatch was still to be built, with most of the resources so far going into the most important of the buildings – when the Commander had woken. One breakfast later and Archmage Seri Ormandin sat at a table with not only the Commander of the Knights of the Nine, but – apparently – two of the said Nine.

Strange days indeed.

---------------------------

“How dare you call me thus, impudent child.” The God Stendarr’s first words to Tiber Septim had been.

“Oh, so now I’m a child eh?” Septim had grinned, “And we used to be such good friends.”

“Release me,” The God of Mercy’s eyes had glowed, “NOW!”

“No.” Was the simple answer.

McWylde and the Archmage had not dared look at the Gods during all this. Stendarr had appeared at the end of the table when Septim had called. He was the colour of ebony, like one of the nomad tribes of the deep deserts. He was dressed in blue finery, with an aristocratically large hat, complete with gold feather. The tracing on Stendarr’s Jacket kept moving, the golden lines waving along his arm, shoulders and chest like the curtains of an aurora McWylde had seen in Skyrim many years earlier. Robert thought it was this rather than the rage in the God’s eyes that was making him look down at the table.

“Since I’ve been - for want of a better word – back,” said Tiber, “I’ve been finding out what it is I’m actually able to do. You see Robert, the Aedra – The Nine – are all amazing beings, creatures of power that you can scarcely imagine.”

“Well I can imagine quite a lot.” Said the Archmage.

“Silence insect!” Bellowed Stendarr, “You will not talk when in the presence of one God, let alone two!”

Tiber’s face contorted with anger. He raised a hand and then closed it in a fist. Stendarr’s head drooped and he actually whimpered.

Tiber said between his teeth “Do not ever talk to my friends like that again.”

Then in an instant his rage was gone and he released Stendarr. Tiber then said to the Archmage, “Yes, I imagine you can, I can see the power in you. But the power of the Aedra.” He shook his head, “Anyways, what I’ve discovered is this. There are rules, without a capital, and then there’s Rules, with one. And with the exception of a couple of them,” he pointed at the other God, “They haven’t bothered to find out which ones are which. Lazy. So yes, maybe I am a child, but any parent will tell you that children will always try to push the Rules.”

There was a moment of tension. A feeling of the world trying to stretch somehow.

“STOP TRYING TO RUN!” Tiber shouted and was on his feet. “The others agreed to this! You WILL do as you have been commanded by Akatosh. You are supposed to be the God of Mercy for...Um...Our sake. Why did you say no? Not just to him,” Tiber pointed at McWylde, “But all of them?”

“I do not have to explain myself to you.”

There was a thump and then pages rustled as a book was being read. An older man with silver hair, dressed in a fine black suit was by the bookcase. He had intense blue eyes and features which seemed constantly close to either great rage or breaking into a grin.

Tiber smiled and inclined his head in greeting, the other did the same.

“Try me then.” The man - which the three mortals presumed was yet another God - said.

Stendarr looked to the man with something close to fear.

“I...Do not wish to. They have done nothing deserving of our gifts.”

“Really?” Said the newcomer shaking his head, “He and his beat everything that comes at them, sometimes with cost.” He said, pointing to McWylde, then out of the window, “Those people out there in this world that we created do everything we ask...”

“Not everyone.”

“No. Okay, not everyone. But enough. And c’mon, now the Allfire’s lit we can all have a bit of a rest no?” He grinned, then just as quickly, the grin disappeared, “What those people did was at risk of their mortal lives, your own high-priest was one of them, does that not mean something?”

“He does all that is required of him in my name, that should be enough.”

“Idiot. Do as you are told. For all of them Stendarr. I’ve got better things to do.”

With that, he disappeared.

Stendarr looked at Tiber. “The human took the curse on himself. I should not have to do this.”

“Yes,” replied Septim, “Very merciful, condemning an entire line for the actions of one prideful fool years ago, that had absolutely nothing to do with McWylde here. Did it not occur to you that there were two reasons that McWylde had absolutely no choice but to take the curse on himself? One, it was the right thing to do to save that man and his line...A line that really had no reason being cursed in the first place. And two, how the hells else was he going to get the Gauntlets? Hmmm? Stendarr, God of mercy left no choice other than ‘You and yours be damned forever’. Yes, very merciful.

“Remove the curse, now.”

“Damn you.” The God grabbed McWylde’s arm. Stendarr’s eyes glowed briefly.

It was impossible to say exactly how Robert felt. So much power and strength and life flowed through him at that moment. McWylde wanted to launch himself at the God, to make him pay for depriving him of this much of his life.

“Robert. Stay.” Said Tiber, “Stendarr, do you think me a fool? I can see you know? The line...The entire line, forever. Now. Do I have to call Akatosh back? He will be so pleased.”

Stendarr sighed angrily. Grabbed McWylde again and removed the curse forever.

“There will be consequences.” He said.

“There always are,” Said Tiber, “But not from you. If I hear that you are behind so much as a wafted bad smell in the direction of him, his or his friends. I will find you. And there will be war. And I fought many wars before Talos’ many gifts dug their claws into me. Is that clear? We were once friends.” He shook his head, “Do not let me keep you from your gift giving any further.”

And with that, Stendarr was gone.


-----------

This post has been edited by McBadgere: Dec 15 2011, 07:00 AM

[Grits]

The Kotinkipedia is perfect! The ‘Other Terms’ part is a great idea. Thank you for doing it.

Having stayed to see Commander McWylde recover at astounding speed, enough that Helen Royal had released the Commander to his quarters with a roll of her eyes and a “Begone!”,

Robert seems like a person of more than usual vigor even with the curse, and not an easy patient.

I was hoping that Stendarr would show up and do some curse-lifting!! What an attitude on that, uh, god. Stendarr the Reluctantly Merciful. I guess he has to be tough, though, or else it would just be mercy for everyone.

For some reason the names Jend and Jend (no relation) as well as the two Carolines really pleases me. I also like the touch of Skyrim with the aurora. I love when the new game adds more flavor to the world.

I enjoyed the update from Ormandin’s POV. His remarks make me smile, especially when they get him shouted at by a Divine.

And wow, Akatosh. Stendarr’s swirly jacket and Akatosh poking through the bookcase fit very well with my vague ideas that the Divines would be curious and watching their creations, even if not directly involved. Great chapter!!

[Colonel Mustard]

Just read through all of this and I've got to say that I'm enjoying this a lot. All of your characters have some excellent personalities established already, with my personal favourite definitely being Kelleryn and his 'extended family'. The ideas you've got going on here are varied and brilliant, but at the same time aren't that messy, instead somehow keeping together into one cohesive storyline which is so far genuinely interesting and entertaining to read.

If I've got one critique, however, it's that your writing can be somewhat...all over the place. There are a lot of jumps to different perspectives at times, and as these are quite short at times they tend to be a bit confusing; the most prevalent example of this was probably the moment with Madigan, when I found it hard to work out who he was or exactly where the setting was. My advice would be to slow down a bit and flesh out future parts with a bit more description (not too much, mind). It seems to me that you're getting swept away in the flow of the writing, and while that does lead to some wonderful stuff it might be wise to go back once you're done and look at it from a reader's perspective; that should probably be enough to deal with this problem.

Still, it's nothing all that major, and so far the story is progressing very promisingly; I'm looking foward to seeing what comes next.

[Acadian]

Oh, I quite enjoyed this three-way among the gods! The whole thing was very Sheogorathesque but with a wonderful bite. I especially liked when Tiber took Stendarr to task over his silly curse of Kellen’s line that Robert took upon himself – a delightful anchor point to the game. Mocking Stendarr’s mercy was brilliantly done! Glad to see that curse lifted and thanks for letting us know that the god #3 was the Dragon God of Time himself.

[Zalphon]

This is rare... The Nine's conversations in recordings