The Story Of Kiln The Wanderer, Chapter 7 and on... Options

[minque]

Ayye......Poor Kiln, that´s what you get when you try to help out huh? That guy....Lenas..are you by any chance inspired by Ienas Sarandas? The man who actually did give everything away to the temple?........

[Soulseeker3.0]

good job kiln keep it up

stupid corrupt guards

This post has been edited by Soulseeker3.0: Aug 24 2005, 09:45 PM

[Kiln]

Completely inspired by him Minque, that's his name in the story, you probably missed one of the updates. I just took that side-quest for him and made it my own.
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Kiln heard talking and saw Jinx and York emerge from behind the mage's guild.
He stood and made his way to them quickly.

"We have to leave now." Kiln whispered

"You sound worried, what's wrong?" he asked

"I had a run in with the guards earlier. We should go as soon as possible." Kiln said quickly

A group of guards walking through town spotted them talking and moved towards them slowly. There were only a few of them, they were the men that had been looking for him.

York grabbed Kiln and motioned to Jinx, they began walking past the ruined wall and out of town, the guards following close behind. Once far enough out of town they stopped and waited on the guards.

Kiln took this time to count the guards. There were six, and they were clearly bigger and tougher than Kiln and Jinx but maybe York could make up for that, he still hadn't seen Jinx fight and was unsure of what to expect.

The guards stopped and drew their blades, the leader smiled.

"A nasty little rumor is going around that you were the one that killed all of the Commona Tong in Balmora." he said accusingly

Finally this made since, they were commona tong disguised as guards. Kiln tapped the hilt of his sword and stared at the man.

Kiln had a big problem with his mouth getting him in trouble and this was no exception. These men had been looking for trouble the moment they realised who he was in the enchanter's shop and he was gonna give it to them.

"Yeah I killed them, every single one...and I enjoyed killing those scoundrels." Kiln said taunting him

"Well that certainly is good to know." he said jabbing at his head with his blade

The blade missed Kiln's head and York pushed him back, stepping in front of him

The guard stepped closer and York pulled his blade.

"Not a step closer scum...else you won't live to regret it." he said in his usual calm tone

The leader made a quick hand signal and one of the men jumped at York, he brought his blade up and jabbed it in the incredibly small between his chestplate and greaves.

Kiln could hear Jinx whispering softly, but he couldn't understand what he was saying. The groups stood glancing at each other for a few moments before the commona tong members all moved at once, towards them.

Jinx thrust his hands forward releasing a huge burst of flame at one of the thugs, which fell to the ground, screaming in pain. Kiln brought the old shield he'd found up just in time to block two hits coming at him at once.

One of the attackers was thrown off balance and Kiln brought his sword down upon him in a hard chopping motion, hitting him in the back.

Kiln watched the man he was fighting but he kept an eye on York and Jinx as well. Jinx was clearly an excellent battlemage and York was awesome with a blade.

Lost in thought, Kiln didn't realise that his opponent was about to try and stab him. York, having finished with the men who attacked hin, turned and killed his opponent. Jinx had dispatched his attackers as well.

"You're not bad Kiln...but you'd better keep training if you wanna survive in the ashlands." Jinx said patting him on the shoulder

"Lets get out of here before the real guards show up and find us with all these bodies." York said turning and moving back towards town

They all climbed the slope and asked the man to take them to Khuul, he agreed and they stepped inside the beast. It started in the direction of Khuul.

"It'll be nightfall before we arrive there." Jinx said

"Will it take that long?" Kiln asked

"It's a long ride there, the tribesmen are expecting us." York said

Kiln pressed his back against the shell of the creature and thought of his home, the way it used to be when he was a child. Kiln lied down and tried to sleep but the sun was still in his eyes.

"You're gonna sleep during the day Kiln?" Jinx asked

"Perhaps this way I'll wake up when we arrive." he said turning on his side

His head was filled with thoughts of doubt and several questions as he fell asleep.
Why had he agreed to go along with this quest with so little information? How were Dulnea and Rami doing? What was York's importance in this whole mess and what had his father done?

He hoped the journal would explain them but right now he was too tired to read so he slept. Dreams came of his "Master" and bade him to serve him. But those dreams left quickly he woke up to his father shaking him violently.

"Time for school son." he said smiling

"Dad?" Kiln replied

"Your mother made breakfast." his father said grabbing clothing from his closet

"But dad..." Kiln whined

"I know you don't like your mother's cooking but could you at least pretend to like it?" his father asked

"I guess but it's so..." Kiln started but was cut off by his father

"It makes her so happy when you tell her you like it...run along downstairs now and eat your breakfast." he commanded in a soft tone

"Yes father." Kiln said walking down the stairs

He arrived at the table and sat down to eat. His mother turned around.

"Wake up Kiln...wake up."

She began shaking him and he awoke to see Jinx shaking him.

"We've arrived." he said standing up

Kiln stood and looked around.

"What happened?" he asked

"Nothing, just you were sleeping well...anyways lets go." Jinx said taking a few steps

Kiln was confused and though he'd slept for a long time he was still tired. He followed York to the town. It was a small village consisting of shacks and one small shop. They entered and Kiln sat by the fire warming himself as York spoke with the owner.

This post has been edited by Kiln: Aug 25 2005, 09:53 PM

[Soulseeker3.0]

LOL nice dream KIln. and keep up the good work!

[minque]

You continue this very well.....lots of good updates....I wish I had the time to update as often as you do....

Keep it coming Kiln.....keep it coming to amuse us all.....

[Kiln]

While near the fire, Kiln removed the journal from his pack and opened it to where he'd left off.

"The orcish lady is clearly insane, she wants me to enter a tomb and steal a skull for her. The strangest request since I arrived on this island, well the second strangest request since I arrived. I'll walk to this tomb though and retrieve the skull for the sole reason that if I don't Caius will make me dance again..."

Kiln laughed at the journal, glad he hadn't been the only one forced to do this humiliating little dance.

York realised he was reading the journal, he rushed over beside him, reading along,

"You should've seen all the skeletons and ghosts in the tomb. Damn bonewalkers, note to self 'visit healer'. I left the tomb and returned the skull to her and what do I get? Another paper for Caius. Do I get a thank you or a reward? No...all I get is a stupid note for Caius."

Kiln smiled and York just read along silently with that emotionless look on his face.

"I returned the note to Caius and he asked me to rest and take a while off before I go to vivec. He gave me a paper of people to speak with about information. More confounded papers no doubt. Anyways I'll rest at the Eight Plates and get this over with tomorrow and perhaps the next day if it takes that long."

Kiln stood and walked outside, the fire inside was a little too hot for him and thoughts of his parents were returning to him, he needed to go outside and clear his head so he walked down near the boat on the wood planks, the dock basically made up a porch for all the houses there.

Kiln stared into the deep dark waters and a hand grabbed his shoulder.

"Hey friend, I gotta tell ya, I'm glad you recommended me to be sent on a task. I would've never gotten out of that prison otherwise." he said

"What was your task Jinx?" Kiln asked cautiously

"Had to go and....well...the water sure is dark down there." he said avoiding the topic

"Yes it is...cold down there as well I'll bet." Kiln said

Apparently his task had been as gruesome as Kiln's task had been but he had completed his and Kiln had not.

"Where did you come from before this Jinx?" Kiln asked

"I'm from Tel Branora, born and raised. I left just a few years ago, seeking fame and fortune. I've yet to find it though." he said

"I wish I'd had a home like you." Kiln said

"No, my family treated me badly. I only have destruction skills from an old worn out battlemage that came into town now and again for a visit." he told him

"It is late, best get your rest Jinx." Kiln said still staring into the water

"You're probably right, I'll see you in the morning though." he said walking towards the tradehouse

Kiln stood there thinking about his past and his future, not knowing what would become of him, he could only hope that his adventuring days would be more successful than Tiren's.

This post has been edited by Kiln: Aug 25 2005, 08:00 PM

[minque]

Ah another good one..just perfect before going to bed......nice to see the journal-entries ....adds so much feelings to this great story.....

[Soulseeker3.0]

good job KIln

[treydog]

Interesting dream-sequence. Rotten Camonna Tong pretending to be Redorans... well, at least the House guards aren't corrupt.

You continue to weave an exciting and enjoyable story. Lots of action, but also plenty of descriptions of Kiln's thoughts and fears.

[Lucidarius]

You update fast, great. I like the way you put in your own events or make the standard quests different from the game (like Lenas/Ienas). I admit I was a bit confused with the two dream sequences, but maybe they will become clearer to me later. The one about the mother's food was funny.

[Kiln]

The dream sequence was somewhat meant to confuse you a bit for the moment, and the serve your master dreams will be clarified, in time, just so you know.
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Kiln walked along the coast for a while when he tripped on a mudcrab. Mudcrabs in this place were huge, often the size of a large rock. They weren't very dangerous to an experienced adventurer like Kiln but there were stories of people new to the area being hurt by them, he'd never heard of anyone being killed by them before though.

As the crab got closer and closer, Kiln put a foot under the edge of it's shell and flipped it over. It struggled to try and turn back over but was unable and he ended it's life with a quick stab of his sword.

He left the crab for the carnivorous wildlife and continued on down the coastline. Meeting with a mountain line that ran as far as he could see in the bright moonlight, he could go no further. Kiln wondered how they would get around it to the camp since it's some distance up the coast to the north.

He slowly trudged back to the village, the land was muddy with slick moss covering most of the landscape, there were trees spread thinly around as well.

Kiln found a nice place to sit and opened his journal, he wondered what had happened with the informants.

"You know you never really notice how big Vivec really is until you're looking for someone in it, I've asked dozens of people about where to find some of them but they seem to have no clue. Or at least they're not telling me. I hope I find the informants before too much longer, I've begun to tire of looking for them."

Kiln knew how hard it was to find people in Vivec, the place was huge and the people were not so friendly there either. He shuddered at the thought of trying to find his cousin there once, it took him days. He couldn't find him because the guards had held his cousin for questioning about moon sugar sales which he clearly wasn't involved in, they had just picked him because he was new in town and they tend not to trust newcomers.

Time had passed with him listening to the crabs along the coast hum and shreek softly in the moonlight. He looked about quickly as he heard wood cracking loudly nearby. A rotted tree that had been standing in the darkness crashed to the ground, partially visible in the moonlight. He stared into the darkness, the surrounding trees shading the place where the noise had originated from.

A small figure emerged from the darkness and let out it's trademark growl. The green beast's eyes shone red in the pale moonlight as it stepped a bit closer. It was a nix hound, and a hungry looking one at that. Kiln knew that it would be too fast to try and outrun for him and too fast to fight so he stood there trying not to make any movements to coax it into attacking him.

Kiln tapped the handle of his sheathed sword nervously as the beast let out a loud noise. Nearly instantly it was joined by two more nix hounds, they moved to his sides and slowly moved closer to him.

He was alone and outnumbered by the creatures, he pulled his blade violently and stepped back into the shallow water, wishing he'd remembered to bring his shield out into the wilderness.

This post has been edited by Kiln: Aug 25 2005, 09:43 PM

[minque]

O-o.....beware of the nixies......there are stories about ppl getting hurt by them too--....

Good update....and..a journal-entry...yayy, Keep the good work up Kiln....

Your story is amusing and intersting......I like it very much

[Megil Tel-Zeke]

"He looked about as a treestump crashed nearby"

that makes absolutely no sense to me O.o do you mean like a rotting log, or a retten tree falling over. it's kind of hard for a stump to crash, unless someone dug it up and threw it against something, os if was on the edge of a cliff and it fell off during a strong storm O.o


other than that wonderful

also i tend to see a lot of "he drew his sword and hit him with it, he was thrown back by the blow" type stuff. it may make sense to you, but i have trouble at times picking out who the "he","him" etc. is in some your sentences.


just some constructive criticism.

[Kiln]

Alright then, I'll have a look at those things and fix a few of them, thanks.

Edit: I've fixed the flaws I found and changed a few of the "He" instances to tell exactly who the part is about so it's more understandable. Oh yes and I added a few more descriptive details, hope it's better and easier to understand.

This post has been edited by Kiln: Aug 25 2005, 08:05 PM

[Megil Tel-Zeke]

For future reference, just now that instead of replacing the he,hims,etc with names ,since it can get redundant this way, is to rephrase the sentence. here is one that i saw that actually made me post that.

"Jinx thrust his hands forward releasing a line of fire at one of the thugs. He fell to the ground, screaming in pain."

drop the period and the he, add a comma and a who.

"Jinx thrust his hands forwards, releasing a fiery blast at one of the thugs, who failing to dodge the spell was soon on the ground writhing and screaming with pain."

likewise i changed the description of the spell, because the imagery i got from line of fire, was of a very weak and measly spell. didn't have the tone of some arcane magic. I.E. would you be scared or worried if someone said to you "i shall slay thee with a line of fire". yah didn't think so.

sry i added some extra detail in there for you. you have permission to change it to this if you choose to, or to make your own variation.

This post has been edited by Megil Tel-Zeke: Aug 25 2005, 08:43 PM

[Kiln]

Ahhhhhh....soooo hard to please Megil....read it again and see if it seems okay to you now.

I removed the stump crashing and replaced it with rotted tree crashing and I didn't change all the "He did this" parts to names, I simply phrased them where they were easier to understand so...I don't know.

[Megil Tel-Zeke]

not hard to please, just trying to be helpful ^ ^. it really isn't good to start a sentence with an ambiguous pronouns. in fact ambiguous pronouns are not good at all, becuase they are ambiguous .

but yes it looks better, just one quick note. on the sentence criticized above. i don't think which fits in, it sounds like you are talking about an object and not a person.

alright i am hard to please. but this is the first time i ahve brought anything up about your story.

[Soulseeker3.0]

well I thought it was nice....

[Kiln]

Kiln glanced nervously from hound to hound, waiting for one to leap at him. His feet were already pruned from standing in the edge of the water so long, they were waiting for something.

The creatures were afraid to go in the water so Kiln started to slowly make his way back to the camp through the water, the hounds followed closely along the shore, waiting for him to come back to land.

Still somewhat afraid, Kiln picked up a few rocks from the water and threw them hard at the beasts, his skills as a marksman were quite clear as he hit none of the dogs while they were standing still.

Unable to hit them, he continued to the town, where he would leave the hounds to the guards. All was going as planned and then something happened, one of the creatures stepped into the water to test how deep it was and then made it's way closer and closer to him.

One of the hounds had figured it out and the others soon followed. Now Kiln was really in trouble, with all the weight he had with him, he wouldn't be able to swim, so he backed up until he reached a point where the land dropped off into deep water and he stopped.

A hound grabbed hold of his pantleg, tugging relentlessly. Kiln fell into the water swinging his sword at it from side to side as his head went under. The beast tore at his leg violently trying to pull him from the water.

Kiln stabbed straight down towards his foot and the tugging stopped suddenly. He forced his head above the water and looked down at the creature, a horrible pain came from his foot, he'd stabbed the hound that was attacking him.

After a moment he noticed why his foot was hurting so badly, he had also stabbed through his foot to kill the monster. There was no time to worry about that now though, he had to kill the others.

Struggling to his feet, he readied himself to fight the other hounds, blood flowed clearly in the water and the hounds were driven crazy by it. They moved much more quickly now, the smell of blood strengthening their senses as they went into a mad fury to get to Kiln.

Kiln glanced to the ground and before he looked back up, something large hit him in the chest and knocked him to the ground. One of the beasts was on him, tearing violently at him with it's claws and fangs.

Blood rushed into the water as the creature hit Kiln several times with its claws. Kiln struggled to get up but the creature held him underwater, still tearing at him.
After a moment, he managed to pull his blade up and stab it into the creature, kicking it off of him seconds later.

Kiln gasped for air as his head resurfaced from the water, he saw the the other hound coming towards him quickly. It lept on top of him, knocking him into the deep part of the water, the beast had jumped directly onto the blade of his sword but now he was sinking from the weight of his old iron chestplate.

Struggling to unstrap the chestplate, Kiln cut the straps with his sword. He knew he had to get out of the water quickly, his blood would draw slaughterfish to him. He swam towards the surface of the water and desperately crawled onto the shore.
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Edit: Removed a few instances of overuse of "Quickly" in one of the paragraphs.

This post has been edited by Kiln: Aug 26 2005, 07:54 PM

[Megil Tel-Zeke]

Very impressive addition. i was acutally worried that he might die. realistically executed ^ ^