Lady Adelaide the Barefooted, Dark Elven warrior princess, walks around town, but not one of the NPCs greets her.
She yells to a peasant: "Hey! stoopid idiott! Why don't you greet me when I'm walking around near you?!"
Guy: "Err... I don't know you?"
Adelaide: "But in Morrowind everyone greeted me!!"
Guy: "Err... in Morrowind they didn't know they didn'T know you... but I got a radiant AI. I know I don't know you."
Adelaide: "Oh, right, do you? Well, you'll remember me..."
She switches to hand to hand combat and performs a new special move, kicking the dumb peasant with her bare foot right into his face.
Guy: "Hey! Why do you kick me? You cannot kick, can you?"
Adelaide: "Heh, not only the AI has improved, but the fighting-system, too, wanker. So I've got a lot of new special-moves and I gonna test them all out on your radiant-AI-butt."
Adelaide goes into a shop, trying to steal something. She goes up into the merchant's bedroom and comes down with a sack full of stolen goods.
Merchant: "Err... whaddya have in this sack?"
Guard: "Huh? Erm... yeah, whaddya have in there?"
Merchant: "Is this my stuff? Guards!"
Guard: "Here I am! Well, I was here before, too, but here I am anyways! May I arrest her?"
Adelaide: "What the fudgek are you talking 'bout, guys?"
Merchant: "You got my stuff!"
Guard: "You got his stuff"
Adelaide: "No, I don't."
Guard: "No she doesn't."
Merchant: "Yes, she does!"
Guard: "Yes, you do!"
Adelaide: "Hey, guard, why do you just repeat everything we say?"
Guard: "It's my hyperintelligent AI that does this. Great, huh?"
Adelaide: "Is it the superhyperintelligent AI which makes the merchnat think I got his stuff?"
Guard: "Uh... maybe?"
Merchant: "Arrest her, stoopid guard!"
Adelaide: "Hey, he insulted you! You have to arrest him for it!"
Guard: "Uh, yes! Come with me to the court, there you gotta go to prison for that, filthy thug!"
Merchant: "What? No! Heeelp!"
Guard: "Err... but I think I have to look what you got in that sack..."
Adelaide: "Oh, I'm sure I can convince you otherwise!"
She takes off her clothes, standing naked in front of the guard.
Guard: "Whew! Great that they included nudity in Oblivion! Okay, I've seen enough, you can go, you're innocent."
Adelaide goes exploring a dungeon. Suddenly she feels something wet around her bare feet.
"Whew, the water feels very realistic in this game! And it stinks..."
Voice out of the dark: "Yeah, it stinks."
Adelaide: "Who are you, voice?"
Voice: "A dragon."
Adelaide: "Whew! Dragons in Oblivion! Cool!"
Dragon: "Yeah. And this stinking liquid is not water, it's my pee."
Adelaide: "Uh... no, it isn't..."
Dragon: "Yes, it is. The new Oblivion gaming-system makes the characters eat, drink, sleep, pee, poop..."
Adelaide: "No, this couln't be... I'm walking through dragon-pee... barefooted..."
Dragon: "Hey, it'S not my fault, I didn't want to pee, but the game engine makes me!"
Adelaide fights a knight.
Knight: "Ah! You hit me!"
Adelaide: "Yes, I did."
Knight: "But your skill is too low to hit me!"
Adelaide: "No, it isn't. The to-hit-chance is not dependent on stats, it depends on if I hit you or not."
Knight: "Darn... why didn't I block?"
Adelaide: "You have to block manually."
Knight: "Alright... but now I'll hit you!"
He hits her, and hacks off her arm.
Adelaide: "This couldn't be! Im the player! I can'T be dismembered!"
Knight: "This is Oblivion! Your arms can be hacked off just like mine!"
Adelaide: "Darn. Is there any spell to fix my arm on my body again?"
Knight: "Go to a spellmaker."
Adelaide: "Thanks, but why do you give me hints? I thought you were my enemy?"
Knight: "You're too mighty for me."
Adelaide: "How do you know? I mean, in Morrowind, rats attacked me while I was wearing daedric armor..."
Knight: "I got radiant AI. I'm intelligent. I surrender. Here, take my weapon."
Adelaide: "Thanks. And now, die."
Knight: "Why die?"
Adelaide: "I'm evil. I like to kill people who surrender to me."
Knight: "Darn! Damn this AI!"
Adelaide walks through a forest, finding a wood elf.
"Whst are you?"
Wood elf: "What do I look like?"
Adelaide: "The b-word?"
Wood elf: "Yeah, Bosmer."
Adelaide: "Weird... so many improvements in gameplay, technology and graphics... and thery have still Bosmer in this game?!?"
Wood elf: "Okay, you insulted me, b i t c h! Die!!!"
The Bosmer takes out his bow and shoots at her like crazy. But Adelaide blocks all his arrows with her shield, then beats him into his face. He flies to the ground, she puts her foot on his chest and lowers her sword to his throat.
"Yeah, right. A Bosmer who is actually a good fighter. That doesn't exist, scum, I gonna kill YOU now. Hmm... let's try out if you can cut bodies into pieces with Oblivion's new engine..."
Later, back in town:
"Hey, anyone here wanna play football? Wanna play with a Bosmer's head? Or fencing with limbs? Cheap bosmer limbs for sale!"
Far more than a god
Adelaide roamed the contryside, as a peasant approached her, crying for help. Gentle as she is, she decides to help him.
"Hey, poor looking guy who obvlivionously, err, obviously needs help, what's up with you?"
Poor guy: "Well, what's up with you?"
Guy: "Well, you have no shoes. Why."
Adelaide: "Becuase my player likes barefooted girls. Oh, and completely naked girls even more. So I have to run around in the nude when no one is looking."
Guy: "Cool. Erm... you may run around naked now, I promise not to look..."
Adelaide: "Forget it. The only guy I'm in love with is Lord Happy Adolf, the unbeatable, immortal Lord of the Elder Scrolls who finished the incedibly hard main quests of Daggerfall and Morrowind. Well, not really... he finished only half of it, but that doesn't matter, he'S mighty anyway. And so cute... sigh. Hope he's gonna make a mod one day where he makes himself an NPC..."
Guy: "I'm glad not being a PC... being in love with your creator... phew. Anyways, I need your help."
Guy: "The mightiest god of all times wants to rob all my belongings!"
Adelaide: "Where is this almighty god?"
Guy: "I managed to trap him inside the storeroom."
Adelaide: "Erhm, just that I got it right... YOU imprisoned the mightiest god of all times in your storeroom?"
Guy: "Err... yes. But I need someone to kil him. I can't stand him ramming his head on my wall, trying to break through."
Adelaide: "Good, let's get going!"
Some time later they arrived at the guy's house. They could hear terrible noises from inside, it supposedly was the god trying to whack open the door with his head. As Adelaide went into the house, her sword drawn, she unlocked the door and talked to the god."
"Before you come out to face your doom, almighty, invincible god, eho are you?"
"I'm far more than a god!", the god yelled and bashed the door open.
"I AM FARGOTH!!!"
"YES! FAR MORE THAN A GOD... FARGOTH! I GONNA KICK YOUR TINY @SS, ADELAIDE THE BAREFOOTED! YOU KILLED ALL WOOD ELVES IN MORROWIND, AND NOW I GONNA AVENGE MY PEOPLE!!!"
"Aw, shut up, you filthy wood elf! You'Re going on my nerves! I gonna kill you like any wood elf I killed before."
"No, not me... not me, and not the guy who helped me become what I am now...", Fargoth laughed evilly.
"You stand no chance against me, Fargoth, who is far more than a god..."
"You're far less than a scrib.", Adelaide interrupted him.
"DON'T MOCK ME OR I'M GOING FURTHER ON YOUR NERVES!", Fargoth yelled.
"Plese, no. You're pathetic."
"Yes, I am. No other wood elf can go on somebodys nerves as good as I can... and no one is as mighty as my friend here... GAENOR!!!"
"No, please, no! Not this lucky honoured user!", she cried.
"Yeees, it's meeeee! You owe me money, Adelaide! In Tribunal I begged you to give me two billion gold pieces. But you didn't give them to me... I will never forget this! Die!", he said.
"Your luck doesn't help you with the Oblivion fighting system... it depends on SKILL, not LUCK!", adelaide told him, ready to beat Gaenor in battle.
But as she wanted to block his blow, he broke her shield with his ebony sword. The he prepared to kill her.
"Hey, N'wah is a Dunmer insult!"
"Darn... well, then, F*CK YOU, DUNMER!!!"
"That's a human insult."
"Crap... then... well... then... NOTHING, YOU B*TCH, I JUST GONNA BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF YOU!"
Suddenly somebody appeared. Somebody who stood actually a chance against the luck of Gaenor. It was somebody who was as mad as Gaenor lucky. It was...
"Hey, lil' Bosmer! Wanna whack your head with an ugly stick? It's fun, I tell ya.", said Sheogorath.
"What? A Daedra lord? Against him I don't stand a chance! I gotta flee!", Gaenor cried.
"And what becomes of me?", Fargoth yelled.
"Well... wanna whack your head with an ugly stick? It's fun."
"Noooo!", Fargoth cried. "I'd rather commit suicide!"
Suddenly Fargoth took out a dagger and tore out his guts.
"Thanks, Sheogorath.", said Adelaide. "I knew you wouldn't let me die, as I helped you in so many quests and made so many crazy things for you. Thanks!"
"Sure. Wanna hit your head with an ugly stick? It's fun.", Sheogorath replied, and as Adelaide denies his offer, he returned to Oblivion.
The guy who wanted to be helped by Adelaide gave her a big reward (5 gold pieces), and she walked away into the wilderness, searching for adventure.
But although Fargoth got killed by himself, there is still something evil out there... Gaenor... he survived... but he'll mett his end as soon as he encounters Adelaide again. At least I think so.
The evil evil Gaenor, Part 1
After her encounter with Fargoth and Gaenor, Adlaide had to relax a bit from being annoyed by so many wood elves. For relaxing she went to the nearest town and into the inn with the best beer in town.
This inn was called "to the crossed bows".
"Hey, bartender.", she said.
"Huh?", he answered.
"Your inn is an easter-egg.", she told him.
"Whaddaya say? Whaddis an eeshter-ägg or what you called it, whad isch thät?", he growled.
"Your inn. It's called 'to the crossed bows'. It has to be an easter-egg, as there are no crossbows in Oblivion.", she answered.
"Err... whatever. Here, take a beer.", he said.
"Really? You give me a beer for free?", Adelaide said surprisedly.
"Take a beer and pay for it.", the bartender completed his sentence.
After drinking her beer (and paying it with the 5 gold pieces she got as a reward from he guy who got attacked by Fargoth) she went out of the bar into the forest to sleep (renting beds costs too much money).
There she laid down and tried to sleep, as she got the message "enemies are nearby".
She looked around if there was any wild animal or so, but there was nothing. Then suddenly somebody knocked her down from behind.
As she woke up again, she looked into the ugly face of a Bosmer.
"Argh! Does this never end? Why didn't the programmers kill all wood elves in Oblivion? Why are they in as a NPC-race? And why as a playable race? Nobody would want to..."
"Shuddup!", the Bosmer yelled. It was Gaenor, the lucky honoured user!
"You! What do you want?", asked Adelaide.
"I? I want to RULE THE WORLD, HAHAHA!!!", he replied.
"As if I had known the answer... sigh.", sighed Adelaide.
"And you know how?", he asked.
"Please, don't tell me, please! Your voice is so annoying!", she cried.
"HAHAHAAA! That'S just another reason to talk to you until you become nuts!", he screamed thrioumphously. "Your player, Frank Sawielijew, also known as Happy Adolf, has downloaded a mod that I have asked somebody to create!"
"You have asked somebody to create a mod? Why?", ahe asked him, and as he bagan to talk again, she was sorry that she asked him something, as his voice destroyed slowly all of her brain-cells. Bosmer voices can be so annoying.
"It is a mod which allows me to use the Elder Scrolls Construction Set which I can use to change the world exatly as I like it!!!", he yelled.
Adelaide tried to rip open the ropes he tied her up with, and succeeded. She threw some sand into his eyes and fled, followed by his annoying screams.
"That's crazy... this guy can change the world! I have to stop him! And the only one who can do this is Happy Adolf, my beloved creator! I have to convince him to mod himself into the game!", she thought.
As Happy Adolf put on his computer to play Oblivion, Adelaide hopped around in front of the screen and yelled to him.
"Gee, those animations surprise me everytime! How realistic it looks!", he said.
"Frank! Frank! You have to mod yourself into the game!", she yelled.
"What she says? I shall mod myself into the game? Why not, would be cool.", he said, and so he did.
Suddenly a strong nord warrior with long hair and black beard appeared in front of Adelaide, wearing a Hammerfall-shirt and carrying a big sword in his hands.
"Frank? Is that you?", she asked slowly.
"Yes, it is I, Frank Sawielijew, also called Happy Adolf, spam master of the Knights of Honor-forums and famous parody-writer in the Oblivion forums. And you are Adelaide? Hey, you look more realistic than I ever thought!", he said.
"Maybe it is because you are an NPC in the game now?"
"Yes, maybe that's the reason. Man, you look so sweet..."
"And you, too. I love you, Frank!", she cried.
"I love you too!", he responded.
And so they married and had sex, as the new Oblivion-gaming-system allowed them to do this.
Then they made themselves ready to rescue the world and kick some Bosmer-boat!
The evil evil Gaenor - Part 2
It was night in the forest and Frank and Adelaide sat at a campfire they just set up to lighten the area.
"You know, this Gaenor, this lucky honoured user, has the power to use the Construction Set and change everything he wants for his pupose.", Adelaide told Frank.
"Geez, what an @ss! We gotta stop him!", he answered.
"Yup.", Adelaide replied.
They laid down to rest, and after a while they were asleep.
The next morning Frank awaked and wanted to kiss Aldelaide, but she wasn't there.
"Hey, darling, where the heck are you?", he yelled, but she gave no answer.
"Dammit, this Gaenor must have kidnapped her! Filthy wood-elf! Well, then I'll have to search or her."
He walked along the small path which lead out of the forest, as he saw some stains of blood on the ground.
"Hmm, that has to be a sign that Adelaide fought with this Gaenor... maybe it's his blood... or her blood.", he thought.
As he walked farther, he saw a three-headed man. His three heads had all different hair- and beard-styles, and they all looked like they were beaten with a mace into the face.
"Hey, mace-face, what are you?", he asked the creature.
"I'm a what.", the creature answered.
"You're a what?"
"What's a what?"
"What's the what that is you?"
"I'm a what."
"Yes, I know, but what's the what that's you, who is a what?"
"A what's a waht."
"What? What what's a what?"
"What what's a what-what?"
"You're a what?"
"I'm a waht."
"What's a what?"
"Whaddaya what... er... want?"
"Did you see a filthy stupid Bosmer carrying a beautiful Dark Elf?"
"Do you mean the wood elf who kidnapped the player character?"
"Yes! Where is he?"
"He fled north, to the borders of Skyrim. I think he wants to flee into the great snowy plains in the north."
"Thanks for the answer! But, erm... what are you again?"
"I'm a what.", the creature said, and Frank went away to search for his beloved Adelaide.
"Hah! Now I'm gonna take you to Skyrim, where I shall rip your clothes off your body and leave you there naked in the snow until you freeze to death!", Gaenor yelled.
"Wouldn't it be easier to just slitting my throat?", Adelaide asked.
"Yeah, but this way it's more fun, mwahahahahaaaaaahahaaaaaaahh!!!!", he laughed.
"Your laughter annoys me.", Adelaide cried.
"Well, then how would it be if I annoyed you to death?"
"No, please not! Do the thing with leaving me naked in the snow, but please, do NOT annoy me! Wait a minute... that's not possible... I'm even annoyed just by seeing you!"
"Hah! I'm not annoying!"
"No, you're not much more annoying than any other wood elf..."
Gaenor carried her to the border of Skyrim, until he got a message saying "You've reached the borders of Cyrodiil. Go back".
"Goddammit! Then I'll have to kill her here in a much more ordinary way! No, wait... I got the power to change everything in this world... I HAVE THE POWER OF THE CONSTRUCTION SET!", Gaenor yelled and made it possible to cross the borders of Cyrodiil.
"You are crazy! You will never succeed in conquering the world and enslave it's people!", Adelaide screamed.
"Oh, are you so sure with this?", he said and used the Constructon Set to make Adelaide punch herself into her face. Then he created a big daedra which looked like a house with legs and made him dance and sing "I'm a hubb, I'm a hibb, I'm a habb, I'm a hat!" and then vanish into thin air.
"See what powers I have!", he laughed and went to Skyrim where he should leave her naked in the snow to die and to create an army of immortal creatures to conquer the world.
After a few hours of marching across the cold plains of Skyrim he laid her down on the ground and loosened the ropes on her wrist and ankles and wanted to remove her clothes. But Adelaide quickly drew her dagger and cut off one and a half of his arms.
"Now you're beaten! I'm so glad there is dismemberment in Oblivion! Now I'm gonna kill you!", she threatened.
But suddenly her dagger and all of her clothes fell down to the ground and vanished, and after that Gaenor's arms were fixed on his body again.
"I've told you I have the power of the construction set! Hah! And I made you unable to wear any clothes or armor, and unable to use any weapons or potions or magic! You're screwed now, muahahahaahahaaaah!", he laughed and ran away, leaving her to die in the cold.
Several days later Frank reached the border of Skyrim, where a cloaked fighure stopped him and told him something.
"Hey, you, come over here!", the fighure said.
"Who are you?", Frank asked.
"I'm C.C. from H.H. in V.", he answered.
"What? What do those initials mean?"
"I may not tell you, sweetie, because some NPCs here don't like me and want to kill me, because I called them 'sweetie' too often. But whatever, sweetie, I can tell you where this wood elf went with your sweet girlfriend, sweetie."
"Cool. Tell me!"
"Well, just go north until you find them. It's that easy. I've heard the wood elf saying that he'd want to go north and leave her naked in the snow so that she dies, sweetie. So hurry up, sweetie, I'm gonna hide myself, or else those NPCs gonna chop my head off, sweetie."
C.C. from H.H. in V. disappeared and Frank went north to search for Gaenor and Adelaide.
Several hours later he found her lying naked in the snow, shivering from the cold.
"Darling! Are you okay?", he asked her.
"Yeah, I'm fine, it's just a bit cold without clothes.", she said.
"Don't worry, here is a warm cloak for you."
"Well, there's a problem. Gaenor used the construction set to make me unable to wear clothes or use weapons."
"Hmm... but I am the player of this game, and as the player I can use the Construction Set, too..."
Frank made Adelaide able to wear clothes again and gave her a cloak.
"But, Frank, wait a minute... if you can use it too, then you're as mighty as Gaenor and you actually have a chance to beat him!"
"Yes, you're right... hah, I'm gonna kick his butt!"
He teleported himself and Adelaide to Gaenor's hideout.
"Hello, GAYnor!", he said.
"What? What are you doing here? Who are you? Why did SHE survive? And my name is GAEnor, not GAYnor!", the wood elf replied angrily.
"Well, now it is!", Frank said and changed Gaenor's name into Gaynor.
"What? How did you do this? I mean, I am the only one with the power to use the Construction Set!", Gaynor cried.
"Not anymore.", Frank replied and used the CS to make Gaynor unable to use the CS anymore.
"No! Noooo! NOOOOOO!!! You can't do this! NOOOOOHOHOHOOOHH!", Gaynor cried and knelt before Frank's knees, begging him to give him his ability to manipulate the world back.
"You annoy me. Now I'm gonna annoy YOU!", Frank said and brought C.C. from H.H. in V. into Gaynor's hideout.
"Hey C., you know what his name is? GAYnor. Does this say something to you?", Frank asked C.C. from H.H. in V.
"You mean he is...? Thank you, sweetie, I'll love to have a new husband!", C.C. from H.H. in V. replied and ran after Gaynor who desperately tried to get away.
Frank and Adelaide watched them running away into the horizon, and then they camped in Gaynor's hideout, after which they returned to the nearest city, awaiting their next adventure.
The Elder Trek 4: Borglivion
It was a beatiful summer's day in a beatiful little city in the north of Cyrodiil.
"Hey, darling, how about settling down here and getting a job of some kind?", Frank asked Adelaide.
"Yup, good idea, adventuring is getting way too dangerous with all those Bosmer out there.", she replied, and she went into the nearest tavern to get a job there while Frank tried to search for a job anywhere else in town.
"Hey, bartender!", she said. "Do you have a job for me?"
"Aye.", he replied. "Well, see, there are often guests coming here to eating and drinking and such things you're doing when in a tavern, right?"
"Uh... I guess so?", she said.
"Well, then pay attention now!", the bartender yelled. "So, if there's some guests then you're like saying 'hello' and they're like 'hello', too, and then, you're like 'hey, wanna have a drink' and they're like 'yeah, wanna have a beer' and the other one's like 'yea, wanna have an ale' and the other one's like 'yea, wanna have a wine' and then you're like giving them the drinks and then they're like drinking them and then you're like taking the payment for the drinks and aking them 'wanna eat' and they're like 'yea' and you're like 'what you wanna have' and they're all like 'a steak with potatoes' and you're like giving it to them and taking the money for it and then they're like eating it and then going out and then your job's done understood?"
"Um... well... yes?", she replied.
"Okay, then get to work!", the bartender ordered her.
Suddenly Frank ran into the building, a dagger sticking in his stomach.
"Hurry up, we must flee from here! I have accidentally done a crime!"
"What? How could you accidentally do a crime?"
"Well, I walked around town searching for a job as my sword fell to the ground and some stupid NPC stumbled and fell on my sword and died. Then suddenly a guard came and I could barely kill him, but luckily nobody could see us, so I think nobody will suspect me of killing the NPC. But we should get outta town quickly!"
"Alright, darling, let's get away!"
As they went out of the tavern, suddenly a guard appeared in front of them.
"We are the Bor... erhm... Guard! Resistance is futile!", the guard yelled.
"What? Why 'we'? You're only one guard! And how did you find out that I'm a criminal?", Frank asked surprisedly.
"We are the Guard! Resistance is futile! You will be assimilated!", the guard yelled.
"What's up with him?", Adelaide asked.
"I don't know, but I think we're in for another adventure...", Frank replied.
"Darn. Well, whatever. I'm the player character and you're the player, maybe we're doomed to go on adventure for the rest of the game...", Adelaide said, and she was right.
They both stole two horses, which raised their bounty to 400 gold pieces because the guard could see them, and rode away.
They fled through the forest and reached the open plains east of the city after a few hours. There they got down from their horses and made themselves ready to rest. Suddenly a cloaked figure approached them.
"Hey, C.C. from H. H. in V., what are you doing here? I thought you had some... erhm... fun with Gaynor.", Frank asked the cloaked figure.
"Yeah, I had, but after having some fun with him, his butt burst into pieces, sweetie, and now I'm charged of murder.", C.C. from H.H. in V. answered.
"But why? Did a guard watch you?", Frank asked him.
"No, it just happend. As he dies I recieved the message that I now was charged as a criminal. I don't know how the guards found out, it just happened.", he replied.
"Wait a minute... what the heck is that?", Adelaide screamed and pointed to a cubic vehicle which came nearer to them. It was a large grey cubic vehicle with green lights insinde. As it came nearer they could see that inside there were thousands of guards standing in some kind of glass wardrobes.
"We are the Guard! Resistance is futile! You will be assimilated!", multiple voices in the cubus said.
Meanwhile, thousands of kilometres above the earth...
Data: "Captain, we've been teleported into some parallel universe!"
Picard: "What? What's the reason for this?"
Data: "I don't know... it's unclear... maybe it was some subspace thingie again, I mean, it's always something with the subspace... wait... Captain, some unknown force is pulling us to the planet!"
Riker: "Ready the weapons and the shields!"
Troi: "I sense something... I sense we're going down!"
At the surface of Nirn...
"We have to get away! They will kill us all!", adelaide worried.
"No! I will stand and fight! Rather a death in honor than...", Frank tried to say as suddenly a big starship crashed down onto the earth and destroyed the Guard-cubus.
Riker: "How many of us survived?"
Dr. Crusher: "Me, you, Captain Picard, Deanna Troi, Data, Geordi, Chief O'Brian, Worf... just the main characters, everyone else is dead."
"Let's go and greet those guys who killed the evil guards!", Frank said, and so they did.
Data: "Captain, three humanoid beings are coming near to us!"
Frank: "Hello guys! Erm... you all look like the crew of the Enterprise."
Picard: "We are the crew of the Enterprise."
C.C. from H.H. in V.: "What? The Enterprise in the Elder Scrolls?"
Data: "We've been teleported here. We don't know how. It just happened."
Riker: "Geordi, how long would it take to repair the Enterprise?"
Geordi: "Well, several months, the ship is severly damaged..."
Riker: "How severly?"
Geordi: "It's completely destroyed. I would have to build a complete new ship. That takes a long time."
Adelaide: "Hmmm... maybe you could help us. The Guard are chasing us, and they are behaving quite strange. It seems that if you do a crime in the wilderness where nobody is they notice it, and if one guard notices something, all of them know it. And they are driving in strange cubic vehicles..."
Troi: "I sense that there are Borg on this planet..."
Picard: "Borg! Those guards have to be Borg! But how could this be? In the last episode of Voyager Janeway destroyed the Borg... And in our latest movie, First Contact, I killed the Borg queen... again!"
Data: "That's incorrect, Captain. Our latest movie was Nemesis."
Picard: "No, this will happen in the future. The time we are in now is the time after First Contact. In Nemesis you die, and you're still alive."
Riker: "Hmm... you're looking good, sweet alien lady."
Adelaide: "Do you mean me?"
Troi: "Man, why does he have to fall in love with every alien girl he meets?"
Riker: "Well, it's a cliche..."
Riker and Adelaide kissed each other.
"Hey, why does every alien woman fall in love with him? I mean, he doesn't look much different from me, with the beard and the hair color...", Frank said.
"Yeah, well, but... in every Star Trek episode where he falls in love with some alien woman, she falls in love with him, too, you know, it's a...", she explained.
"A cliche?", Frank interrupted her.
"Yeah, that's the word.", she answered.
Picard: "Damnit, we need to find a way to destroy the Borg..."
Yoda: "You can defeat Borg with power of Jedi!"
Picard: "What? Who are you?"
Data: "He's an unknown life-form."
Riker stopped kissing with Adelaide. "We never made so many first contacts in one day...", he said.
Adelaide continued kissing with Frank.
C.C. from H.H. in V.: "Hey, when everyone loves Adelaide, why don't we do group sex?"
Adelaide: "Is this guy gay or what?"
Frank: "No, bisexual. He's Crassius Curio, but don't tell anyone, many NPCs want to kil him because he called them sweetie."
Hitler: "I could help you destroying the Borg!"
Frank: "What's he doing here? Shouldn't he be in the real world?"
Obi-Wan: "I've gathered an army of Jedi to help you!"
C.C. from H.H. in V.: "Jedi in The Elder Scrolls?"
Picard: "Jedi in Star Trek?"
Yoda: "Star Trek in Star Wars?"
Hitler: "Star Trek and Star Wars in the Second World War?"
Frank: "What the hell is going on here?"
Rafarheraf: "Hah! I used my machine to teleport the Borg into Tamriel!"
Frank: "But why?"
Rafarheraf: "Because I want them to assimilate all of Tamriel and then I'll teleport the Borg queen back to Star Trek and become king of the Borg myself! Muahahahaaa!"
Fargoth: "That's my laughter, evil wizard!"
Rafarheraf: "But why... you went to Star Wars, didn't you?"
Fargoth: "Yes I did! But now I'm back here with all the other Jedi to defeat you! And I've copyrighted my laughter! Muahahahahahaaaa(Copyright 2005 by Fargoth enterprises inc.)!!!"
Frank: "That's weird... how did you come here, Rafarheraf, you were in Sinder's parody!"
Rafarheraf: "Yes, but I used my machine to teleport into the world of your parodies! Muahahahahaaaa! And now I'm gonna summon the mightiest wizard of all times to defeat you all!"
Frank: "Harry Potter? Gandalf?"
Rafarheraf: "NO! None of these lame wusses! My Morrowind character!"
Frank: "You played Morrowind?"
Rafarheraf: "YES! I teleported into your world, bought Morrowind, and created a powerful character, and I made some mods to make him invincible and I used cheats on him, muahahahaaaa!"
Fargoth: "Hey! I copyrighted this laughter! You have to pay for it before you may use it!"
Guybrush Threepwood: "I wanna be a pirate!"
Frank: "Why keep those characters from other stories coming here?"
Rafarheraf: "I don't know... I didn't do this... somebody else probably does this... but it doesn't matter, I will rule the world anyways, hahaha! Man, this laughter is lame!"
Fargoth: "But Muahahahaaaa is Copyrighted 2005 by Fargoth enterprises inc.!"
Meanwhile, many miles away...
"My plan is working good... very good... Guard drone eleven of nine, how long does it take to teleport every character of every story and every world here?", the Borg queen asked one of the Guard drones.
"It's only several hours until they're all here."
"Great... my plan is working good... I opened a subspace portal to teleport anyone from any universe here, so I can assimilate them all!"
Back to the place where our friends are...
Frank: "Hmm... I think we should go to the emperor. He should know what's up."
Adelaide: "But he's dead. And to find the new one we'll have to complete the main quest."
Frank: "Damn. Then we will just kill this evil necromancer Rafarheraf."
Rafarheraf: "No, you can't! I'm the only one who can teleport everyone back to their own world, and if you kill me there's no happy end!"
Rafarheraf: "There has to be an happy end! It's a cliche!"
Frank: "I don't like cliches. Fargoth, kill him."
Fargoth: "With pleasure, friend!"
Fargoth took out his lightsaber and cut Rafarheraf into two halves, thus killing him. Then Frank, Adelaide, C.C. from H.H. in V., the Enterprise crew, Fargoth and his Jedi army, Guybrush Threepwood and Hitler with the whole German army went searching for the lair of Borg to destroy them and for a way to get everyone back into their own worlds.
On their way they destroyed several Guard-cubes and finally they found the lair of the Borg queen.
The Borg queen send all her drones after them, and the biggest battle ever in that game took place here and now, followed by a very bad framerate.
Finally, all the Guard were destroyed, but the Jedi and Hitler's army had very much losses (taht's why he lost the second world war).
Frank and Adelaide went to the Borg queen and asked her if she knew a way to bring everyone back to their own worlds.
"Hah! I'm never gonna tell you!". she said.
"But... but it's a cliche that the evil villain tells the good guys about his plans!", Fargoth said.
"And? I don't like cliches.", the Borg queen answered.
"Wait a minute! Look at the screen here on the wall! It's showing some kind of subspace portal! That's the reason why we're all here!", Data said.
"Good, but how do we destroy the portal and go back into our own worlds?", aptain Picard asked.
"Let's throw a brick into the portal!", Adelaide suggested.
"Why a brick?", Frank asked.
"I don't know, it just sounds like a good idea."
They all helped to build a giant catapult on which they put a brick and threw it into the sky, where it flew thousands of kilometres up into the air and hit the subspace portal.
Data: "I don't think that worked."
Larry Laffer: "I wish I could get a dollar everytime I hear that."
Frank: "What's he doing here?"
Suddenly there was a big bang and everybody vanished into their own world.
Adelaide: "Geez, THAT was an adventure!"
Frank: "Yea. I think I need a beer now."