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TheTrueCaboose
Chapter 1

Dark Beginnings and Dark Places


I woke up slowly opening my eyelids. I felt a sharp pain on the back of my head that felt like someone had it in a vice. I could feel dry blood plastered on my face. I started to process my surroundings. I was sat down in a chair with my arms bound behind my back. Darkness reached for me with its tendril fingertips. I was engulfed and couldn't see anything around me.

Then I felt the cold stone floor and stale air in the room. I started to panic as I became more awake. How was I supposed to get out of here, what is this place, why am I shackled to a chair. I tried to kick my legs out but my ankles couldn't be lifted as they too were bound in place. The only sound that could be heard in the room was my heavy breaths as I tried to calm myself. I tried to recall what had happened before I lost consciousness but my head seared with pain when I tried to think rationally.

As I heard footsteps coming from my left that clicked across a stone floor outside the room I shivered. My eyes started to adjusted to the dark I could make out the slight silhouette of a door. Suddenly the sound of the footsteps stopped at what seemed to be the front of the door. I heard two people speaking.

The first one said "What is the colour of the night."

While the second replied "Sanguine my brother."

I felt a shocking chill at those words as if being dipped into ice water. I could hear the latch on the door slide open. As the door slowly opened streams light blinded my eyes. The hooded silhouette in the light from the doorway did not move but stayed there.

Standing with great stillness I hear the dark figure ask "Do you feel that chill down your spine, that feeling of dread. That is the gaze of Sithis upon you. You shall beg to become one with the void after I am finished with you".

The words rained like sheets of ice. Panic started to rise up in me to the point of bursting out of me. I wrestled the cuffs for dear life as the figure slowly walked towards me. It was the hopeless pull against the cling of the metal refusing to let go that despair started to set in. I felt its icy touch on my shoulder as it placed its hand on it with a tight grip. I tried to cry out for help but my voice was reduced to rasps in the stale air. Pulling with all my strength away from the darkness that embraced me wasn't enough.

The figure brandished out a dagger with a resounding ring. It let it glint in the light as it showed it too me. Slowly the icy touch of the blade touched my face as it drew it across my cheek. Cold sweat ran down me and onto the icy blade. The dark figure then took it away toying with my fear. The hood it was wearing obscured its face but I knew those eyes beneath it pierced straight into me pondering on what the inside of me looked like.

I started to breathe more rapidly as it put the blade against my arm. He pushed in and a sharp pain cutting itself along to my wrist. I felt hot blood pouring out over my arm its sickly texture running across my skin. The figure withdrew its blade and licked the blood off giving a hissing sound as it did. It pressed its hand against the gash and I screamed out in pain. It put more and more pressure on it and released.

Then it asked me a question "Where is the artefact" it paused and as I tried to answer it demanded "Answer me!" I didn't know what it was talking about.

Afraid that not knowing would result in my death but having no choice I said in a wavering voice "I-I d-don't remember a-a-anything p-p-lease leave m-m-e alone I haven’t do-". It seemed to get angered by this and quickly drew its blade again. I screamed out in a hoarse voice "Please somebody help me!". I continued shouting until the blade pierced my thigh in one sharp movement. I screamed and writhed in pain my thigh spewing with blood.

Then I heard a loud noise from above the dim room. It seemed to turn quickly at this drawing its dagger from my thigh. I screamed shrilly again. Then whatever that sound had been it ran out of the room. Soon I could feel a loss of consciousness as everything began to spin but I tried to hold on. A darkness enclosed from around my eyes as I saw a man running towards me. He shook me shouting at me. All I could hear was a loud ringing in my ears. The man started to unshackle me. The darkness around my eyes closed in and then darkness embraced me.
TheTrueCaboose
Hi there I hope you all enjoyed my first Chapter in A Brotherhood of Shadows. Thank you for reading. If people like this first chapter I plan on releasing a new chapter every week. All constuctive critisism is welcomed as I would love to know what you would enjoy from the story so far and things you think I should do or not. Also speculation is also welcome on up and coming bits of the story. smile.gif Again thanks for taking the time to read this. I really do appreciate it and would love to hear from you.
Acadian
Welcome to the Arena of fan fiction!

You certainly pull us in here to a very tense scene indeed. The fear and danger in the room is palpable. You make us want to know who this poor soul is and why have they been bound to a chair in this room by the Dark Brotherhood. Nicely done, and a fine introduction.

Hmm, you asked for constructive criticism. There are some minor grammar and spelling oversights that slipped through your editing, but those can be reduced over time and through practice. Let me just mention one content concern that arose as I read. That black hooded figure spoke early on. It would therefore be reasonable to expect to know the speaker’s sex at that point. Indeed, you refer to the figure as ‘he’ on several occasions. It was therefore somewhat confusing to alternatively refer to the same character as ‘it’ as though you were trying to keep ‘its’ gender a mystery. Very minor point though. The key to writing is to receive encouragement and keep on writing as you strive to perfect your craft.

I encourage you to continue with this story. Your plan of updating it once a week sounds perfect. That is frequent enough to maintain continuity, yet allows readers with busy schedules who support other writers plenty of time to enjoy each episode. It also allows you the time to read the work of other writers here. That not only familiarizes you with some fine examples of fan fiction, but it helps to garner and maintain readers for your own story as well.

Now. . . TheTrueCaboose is a lovely handle, but entirely too cumbersome among friends - only short concise names survive intact here. Before I commence to call you Caboose, I invite you to offer any other acceptable nickname you might prefer. tongue.gif
TheTrueCaboose
Thank you for your insight it will provide very useful and will make future chapters in the story hopefully more enjoyable. I appreaciate you taking the time to read my first chapter in the story. I may have accidentally caused some unforseen confusion with the character I reffered to as it. While I meant for it to seem more like an animal than a person I don't think I made it very clear in my writing so I thank you for offering me that useful advice about the continuity of writing. Oh and sorry about the grammar mistakes I will try my best to fix that. Thanks for the choice of nickname I think it will work well smile.gif . So any other readers that want to reply from now onwards just call me Caboose as its a lot quicker to write. Thanks Acadian.
King Coin
Well that was an interesting start. I’m curious as to what happens next. I’m eager to find out who our main character is, and who the man is that interrupted the interrogation.

One suggestion I would make would be to break up your text more. It’s much easier to read when it isn’t in large groupings like you have it now. You should look at how some of the other stories on here are structured if you don’t understand what I mean.

Good start Caboose. I’ll be back when you post again.
TheTrueCaboose
Thanks King coin I'll do that on the the next chapter. And thank you for reading. Hopefully you will see an evolution of my writing as I progress through the story I will also edit out a few spelling mistakes on previous chapters to make them better.
Grits
Welcome, Caboose! A dark beginning indeed.

One quick suggestion, it’s good to start a new paragraph each time a different person speaks. I think you have a great plan to take your time writing and check back over your previous chapter when you learn something new.

The poor person in the chair. I’m looking forward to finding out what happens next! I’m glad you picked here for your story. smile.gif
TheTrueCaboose
Thanks Grits I'm glad you are looking forward to the next Chapter in the story. Thanks for the advice as well and I'll ammend my chapter previously written to make it better with peoples suggestions as well as yours and I'm glad you appreciate me doing so smile.gif .
TheTrueCaboose
Just to update that I haven't forgotten about the second chapter and it will be out on friday as promised. smile.gif

Sorry its gonna be a day late as I didn't manage to get back to end the chapter before 2:55 in the morning (in Scotland) and just can finish it wacko.gif . Really sorry about this but I will definatly make it up to you some point in the future because I know I promised.
TheTrueCaboose
After much thought I have decided to release Chapter 2 and 3 together as the ending to chapter 2 didn't really make sense. I will release them together on saturday sorry about the confusion. It however will result in a very long chapter 2 which I hope you don't mind. smile.gif
grif11
Just so everyone knows, Caboose is addicted to Arkham City right now. It might be a while until he posts anything.
TheTrueCaboose
I'm sorry about not updating when I said I would but I just don't have enough spare time unfortunately at the moment. I will put my written chapters up when I know I am ready to continue the series. I know its a bit of a bombshell especially scince there is only one chapter but I just need a point in the year were I have enough spare time to do this.
mALX
Interesting start, and Welcome to the Forums !!!
Zalphon
A story about the Dark Brotherhood... A rather unusual story, because few can properly portray them. I do hope you portray them as they were in Daggerfall/Skyrim as opposed to Oblivion, but I will be reading...
TheTrueCaboose
Thanks mALX for your welcome smile.gif . I will be portraying them in more of a Dagerfall and Skyrim style of Dark Brotherhood Zaphon and I have found some inpiration in Skyrim's Dark Brotherhood as I really liked it. I have also nearly gotten over my Skyrimitis and Uncharted syndrome lol. All that means is that I will be writing more of the story.
TheTrueCaboose
This will be coming back soon because I'm back now so watch this space smile.gif
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