Hey guys I'm new to the forum, but heres a fanfic I've been working on for the past couple days. Although it's not completely perfect, I've spent quite a bit of time on it. Heres the first part. Huge thanks to Acadian for the tips and coaching, without you my story would be much different then this version!

It was late Frostfall when Skor Greyscar was enjoying a tasty meal of well cooked mammoth meat on his family's farm built on the edge of Skyrim's tundra. Winters in Skyrim were brutal. But Nords were accustomed to the unbearable cold. Even though they could withstand the cold, they weren't able to last very long out in the frigid climate made worse by freezing winds.

"How's the meat taste today Skor?" His brother asked him, relaxing in front of the warmth of the massive fire in front of their hut.

"It would be better if you had cooked it." Skor told him, knowing he himself was still a novice at cooking.
Wincing slightly his brother grabbed at his ribs.

"Whats wrong?" Skor asked. Noticing his brother's odd behavior.

"My apologies. Taking down a full grown mammoth is alot harder than it looks. Especially when you have to distract the giants that herd them. One of them got in a decent little kick. But don't worry, we have enough meat here to last us until First Seed!" His brother laughed. But soon regretted the humor, doubling over in pain. Realizing he wasn't in as good of shape as he let on he headed back inside.

"I'll see you inside Skor, all warriors need their rest." He said, as he limped back to the comfort of their home. Skor finished his meal and began to walk back inside. But was stopped short by a pain causing stars to explode in his head. He had been struck in the back of the head by an unknown force! It was only a moment before the agony burning through his skull made him black out.

Skor awoke a few minutes later in a daze wondering what had happened. Through blurred vision he quickly realized his home was on fire! Ignoring the blow to his head he rushed inside and desperately began searching for survivors. But to no avail. He discovered his mother's body not far from the front door, her face an unrecognizeable pulp and the limbs cut from her body. Disregarding his own safety; Skor ran to his father's room, only to find him dead. His eyes ripped from their sockets and intestines strewn across the room with a message written on the wall in his blood. "Blackblood Wuz heer".

Judging from the amount of gore on his father's double sided axe and a couple of dead bandits, he knew he must have fought back. He didn't stand a chance. Taking the weapon, Skor attempted to escape what was left of the burning building. The hut he knew as home was coming down fast! He got to the stairs but was stopped short by falling timber smashing the stairs into splinters. Forced to retreat back to his fathers room he had to find an alternate way out. The window! It was two stories up but the only chance he had! Taking it, he slammed the axe through the glass, and leapt to freedom. To Be Continued... Next chapter "Skor's Escape!"

Whaddya guys think? It's my first so go easy on me.

I think you are off to a great start! This was a solid introduction that makes us want to learn more about Skor. You showed us your character and began to give us a feel for who he is by his actions and words rather than simply telling us his history. You provided just the right amount of info on him for this point. We have a name, sex, race and a little family info. That is plenty for now.

I look forward to finding out what happened to Skor’s brother and how the Nord will react to this tragedy – although the title of the thread is ominously suggestive.

I see you are still working through the arcane art of punctuating dialogue. I know it is confusing, but keep reviewing those links on the subject. It will come if you keep at it.

Nice one... ...Must get me a new thesaurus...

Nah, seriously...Excellent start...A dark tale of murder and revenge is owhn!!...*Does finger guns*...Oh yeah!!... ...

Um...Only thing I wondered about was the sentence about being struck on the back of the head...I'm sure there are far more qualified here to say things like this, but I'd have just said "He'd been struck on the back of the head by something"...'Cause it's not often you get struck on the back of the head by a known force...So, an un-known force...Sort of a water's wet thing isn't it?...Ummm...*Starts to doubt himself*...

*Runs away*...AAAAhhhh!!...

Thanks guys. As for the unknown force thing, I didn't pay much attention to that part. I've proofread this thing a million times. Can't get every little mess up I suppose. I'll probably post the next part tomorrow, as I need to do my million proofread through it.

Alright guys heres Episode Two guys. Hope you like it as I've spent alot of time on it. I know its quite a bit of text, so forgive me if its a little long. Heres a summary of episode 1

Skor was knocked unconcious outside of his home in Skyrim, he awoke to find his house in flames. He tried to save his family but discovered a gruesome scene of death and destruction within. Knowing there was nothing he could do he attempted to flee the hut that was engulfed in flames. But could no longer go out the way he came due to a falling timber blocking and destroying his path to the front door. He was forced to go back up to the second floor, where he retrieved his father's bloody axe. Skor threw the axe through the second story window and jumped through. Where we join him now.

Episode 2: Skor's Escape!

Skor's fall from the window wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. Luckily a deep layer of soft snow had broken his fall. Skor went around to the front of his house, but could no longer hold back the pain of what he saw there.

It was his brother. His head was impaled on a pike with the eyes rolled into the back of his head. Skor collapsed. He wept for the first time in years. He kneeled in front of his brothers remains mourning his fallen kin. Skor could only feel two things. Pain and rage. Wiping the tears from his face he took the one thing that was left of his family and began to dig a grave. It was a difficult process because the snow had left the ground hard and frozen. When the grave was finally dug he left his fathers axe with the handle buried in the ground to mark it. Leaving his home and everything he knew behind in a burnt pile of destruction he began the two day trek to Whiterun.

He had only been walking a few hours, but it was slowgoing. The sun would be setting soon and he had to find some form of shelter or warmth. Suddenly Skor felt a presence around him. He couldn't see it but he knew it was there.

"Who's there!?"

But noone responded. The lone Nord was still quite young, if he were attacked there was little he could do to defend himself. Skor continued cautiously, feeling extremely vulnerable. The sun was still up but there were only a few slivers of light on the tundra, and it was quickly fading.

Suddenly Skor heard a low growl behind him. It was a sound he knew only too well. Wolves! He started to run with everything he could muster. But slid on a patch of ice and fell. The wolves began circling him, with the occassional growl or bark. This is it, he thought; this is the end. "NO! NOT LIKE THIS!" he roared. Angered by the thought of death, Skor got up and ran at one of the wolves. Hoping to at least harm one of his attackers was an ignorant thought. The wolf jumped at Skor aiming for the throat. Putting up his arm up to at least stop the creature from killing him the wolf latched on to his limb. Howling in pain from the bite, he began to hit the wolf with as much force his body would allow.

It was then that the whole pack of four could no longer wait for their meal as they began to maul Skor. Kicking back two of the wolves and squeezing the throat of the other, he did what he could to keep the three other wolves at bay as he fought off the one ripping his arm apart. What happened next amazed Skor. The wolf's jaws released; and it fell into a lifeless heap of fur with an arrow protruding from its flank. The next thing he knew he heard the whinnie of a horse and hoofbeats heading in his direction. The noises were all the remaining wolves needed before they left Skor tails between their legs.

"Yea, you better run you mangey scavengers!" Skor's rescuer taunted at the frightened wolves. Who were nearly out of sight now.

"Who are you?" Skor asked, "nevermind, you have my thanks for your assistance. I would be wolf turds if it weren't for you."

"Theres no need to thank me, I'm merely doing what I came here to do," they said, dismounting from the horse.

The wounded man now realized his rescuer was a woman. A fellow Nord as well. She was somewhat stout with black hair, yet older and attractive at the same time.

The woman began to walk toward the corpse of the fallen wolf, but stopped noticing Skor's badly injured appendage.

"One of them got ya did they? No worries, I'll have you fixed up in no time."

Walking back to her horse she pulled out a small vial of pinkish red liquid from one of the bags her steed was carrying.

"Let me see it," she said, lifting up his bloody arm and examining it. "It's alot better then it appears my friend. Consider yourself lucky they only got through the fat." After that she pulled the stopper out of the vial.

"Liquor of Mortality," she whispered, "it will clear up this bloody mess of yours you call an arm. But it will take some time to be back to normal."

She dumped the vial on his damaged limb. At first it caused Skor to flinch, but his fears stopped as his pain quickly turned into a sensation of tingling. He watched in awe as the blood faded and his arm began mending itself.

"It's not entirely perfect, but it works. You may not have as good of coordination with it as you normally would, and it may take some time before the feeling in your fingers comes back."

"I think I'll manage, where are you headed Ms..." Skor's voice trailed off embarrassed he had not had a formal introduction.

"Don't concern yourself with me, whats a young Nord like yourself doing out here all alone?"

Skor looked at the bloodsoaked ground, remembering the horrors he had witnessed only a few hours earlier. "My family, they were murdered. I'm on my way to Whiterun. Hopefully I can find some clues as to who is responsible there. My name is Skor, Skor Greyscar."

"Well Mr. Greyscar, I can accompany you to Whiterun, I own an inn there. But we shouldn't travel at night. We'll set up camp for tonight, as I need to get the pelt off that wolf."

"Do you need any help?" he asked, hoping there was something he could do.

"I appreciate the gesture but I don't need it. I have everything I need right here," she said, pointing at her horse. Walking over she unfastened one of the bags and pulled out a small yellow blob. "Trolls fat, best firestarter in Tamriel. Burns slow and it burns bright. Hmm..now that I think of it you can do something for me. Dig me a pit."

"Huh?" Skor said, with his head tilted.

"Well we certainly don't want to freeze out here! Go on, start digging!"

Doing as he was bidden, he began digging and soon there was a small pit in the ground.

She thanked Skor, and plopped the blob into the hole, covering it with brush from her bag. What she did next made Skor crawl backwards in fear. She snapped and a spark flew from the tips of her fingers, igniting the brush.

"Whats the matter? Scared of fire?"

"No. Not fire. Just magic. When I was but a child, a man came to our house. He was in a blue robe and hood. He demanded money from my father. But he refused to give him what we had. The man used magic on him. He was enveloped in a cloud of red smoke. The next thing I knew my father was nearly skin and bone. It was as if he stole all of his muscle. I've been scared of magic ever since."

"I see. Thats a good reason to be scared of magic. But I won't use it on you. I just use that to start my fires."

The fire was now blazing high. Tossing Skor a fur coat and blanket she began to set up camp. "It may not be much but it will keep you warm. Now go to sleep Mr. Greyscar. We've got some travelling to do tomorrow. I'm sure I can whip up a snack in the morning from this wolf."

Skor did not need to be told twice, as he quickly dozed off into sleep; happy he had a friend to keep him company.

So what do you guys think? Don't be afraid to express any concerns or questions about it.

I like it! You continue to render this story via action and dialogue and are doing a nice job of developing Skor into a realistic character. I’m so pleased that someone come along to help him – and a seemingly competent outdoorswoman at that. Nicely done.

I like the small summary you provided of your previous episode. It snaps us right back into what is happening.

Nits:
Posting a new episode every day will lose busy readers as they find themselves unable to keep up. Posting an update once or twice a week works best; it keeps the story current, but gives readers time to savor each episode. And remember, most of us follow numerous stories – if they all updated three to five times a week, well, you see how it can become overwhelming. Just slow down, spend plenty of time smoothing your story and reading others.

Okay, let’s talk apostrophes. You need one in each of the following passages. The first two for possessive and the latter two for contractions:

He kneeled in front of his brothers remains mourning his fallen kin.
When the grave was finally dug he left his fathers axe with the handle buried in the ground to mark it.
"Theres no need to thank me, I'm merely doing what I came here to do,"
Thats a good reason to be scared of magic.

Nice one...I like Nords...Much fun!!...

Looking forward to the journey to Whiterun...

Excellent work...

Sorry, I've been out of town so missed the debut of your story. One of the things I love most about this story so far is the attention to small details you put into it. This was especially well done all throughout, but I'll just use one example that bowled me over: The idea of using troll fat as an accelerant and why it was used, igniting the fire with magic - really great detail !!! Another great one - your description of the healing process on Skor's arm.

Throughout your descriptions were great (although for the gory ones I was really glad to have an empty stomach, lol).

The storyline is interesting and action packed so far. There were just a few places where some polishing would enhance what you already have written, (example: I wasn't sure why Skor thought he would find the answers he sought in Whiterun. Possibly Blackblood was known to be from Whiterun?) - By the way, I got a huge kick out of the deliberate miss-spelling of the message that the bandits left behind to indicate who was responsible for the attack "Blackblood Wuz heer". - That was a much needed light moment in the midst of that tragic scene.

My opinion so far? Awesome Write !! Keep up the great work !!

Thanks mALX! I chose Whiterun because I looked at a map of Skyrim and Whiterun is the closest civilization to his home, so I guess he assumed that would be where the bandits were headed.

Thanks for letting me know that - and I love that you checked the map and did research like that for your story - it really helps with the realism to the reader if they (either know Skyrim and recognize the name - or happen across a map and see it).

You have a real knack for these types of details, and that really enhances your story!

By the way, I know this is late in coming, but : Congrats on your fic, and Welcome to the forum !!!

Action packed and fun to read! I really enjoy the details you use. We’re definitely in Skyrim! I like Skor’s spirit, he is a survivor. I’m looking forward to your next update.

Thanks Grits! The next part is sad, Although I'm still in the process of writing it. But I won't post it until next week because Acadian will nit the hell out of me for it.

Ch1
Skor Greyscar. My initial thought was Argonian, but I see we have Nords. In Skyrim!
What a horrible scene. Not only was his family killed, but they were butchered. How did he not share their same fate?
Ch2
Oh no! Wolves!
Saved by a friendly Nord! How old is Skor? I’m wondering if he’ll end up living with her. I get the impression that he’s still young enough to need a parent.

mALX makes an excellent point: Troll fat as an accelerant? Awesome!


---
My only advice is to linger more in those moments of deep emotion.

He was mistaken for dead by the person that knocked him out I guess the people raiding his home were more concerned with what was inside his house (enough meat to last us until Last Seed is kind of a hint to what they were after). Skor is about 17 years old, I'm not good with TES eras and such so I couldn't give you a birthdate. I came up with the idea for the troll fat as an accelerant because I hate trolls and I want them to burn. Plus gasoline doesn't exist in their world . The next episode is even better but I'm still writing it. It will be ready by next week.

Very nice! Skor seems like a very interesting character.
First Skyrim fan-fic I have seen here as well.


When the grave was finally dug he left his fathers axe with the handle buried in the ground to mark it.
This was probably my favorite line so far.

I am eagerly awaiting the next update!

Riften may have to visit Skor when he leaves Cyrodill. I'd imagine he would be an old man by then

One of his descendants may be there. But who knows since he's the last of his family.

So what happened to this story? I saw it in the "recently read" section and I enjoyed the chapters of Skjor. Never knew he had a brother

Where did the OP go?