That comes from an old Monty Python skit.



Awesome. Always glad to have more words from you, CT.

Here is more from my Redguard Thief...

He just returned to Bravil, spent the night in City Swimmer's apartment, and is now going to seek S'krivva. Let's see what happens!



Days Passed: 79
Bounty: 90

The sky is so dark and rainy as Kahreem of Weet emerges from the flat recently-owned by City Swimmer, he almost thinks it's nighttime outside. But after some time, he realizes it is still day-time.



"And so begins the quest for S'krivva the fur-ball thief. May she not be so fokkinge difficult to locate."

But he does not need fret. Wearing tan clothes and stolen deer's hide shoes, he runs quickly through Bravil's muddy streets, and is greeted by the very lady he is looking to find.

"May the blessing of the Fox be upon you..." says S'krivva soon after Kahreem opens the Lonely Suitor Lodge's door.

"Blessing of the FOX? Hey, I'm just here for some Cheap Wine, and a beer to chase it down," he says, somewhat annoyed that she speaks so plainly in full view of other patrons.

"You have returned?" she asks.

"Shhh! keep your voice down. Yes I have returned furry one, and guess what? I found that stupid fokkinge ring, and returned it to its rightful owner. I think. I do not really know. Countess Caro is after me though, THAT much I am sure of," he whispers. "All thanks to some shoddy Argonian thief who can't keep a damn ring hidden away."

"Good work! You are truly an asset to the guild. I will make sure the Gray Fox himself hears about this. I am promoting yooo tooo Prowler. Congratulations."


With this, she hands him 200 gold in a small leather sack. Just like that. Kahreem is so shocked by this action, he cannot even reply. He knows who he is going to speak to next, but before he does, S'krivva the Doyen speaks first.

"I have a small problem that you may be able to help with. The guild will even pay a reward."

"The guild, you say? You speak of the Fighter's Guild, of course?" he says a little too loudly. "And certainly not the Thieves Guild, which is reputed not to exist anyways."

"That buffoon, Hieronymus Lex, has invaded the Imperial City Waterfront. Imperial Watch guards from all over the city prowl the streets," says S'krivva as she flattens her ears, her eyes glowering.

"You don't say. And how is a ... umm ... Fighter's Guild associate such as myself needed to correct the situation?"

"Hieronymus Lex has vowed not to leeave until the Gray Fox is in custody. The Fox is safe, but the Thieves Guild cannot do business like this."

"Ha ha ha, Thieves Guild? I think you mean to say Fighter's Guild!" says Kahreem. "Well what you want me to do? I've got this big, smelly club at my side."

"The poor of the Waterfront are kindred to the Gray Fox, and will not betray him," S'krivva says, ignoring the Redguard. "However, cubs soon get hungry. Soon someone will break. Many guild members could be jailed. Find Methredhel in the Imperial City. She is coordinating the guild's response."

"Ah, Methredhel, the Fighter's Guild Chapter's Guardian in the Imperial City," Kahreem says, unaware that this guild does not actually have an active house in the City itself. "I shall seeketh her out. ORC? ... A couple of drinks for fur-ball here!" he calls to the bartender. "May the Fighter's Guild rise and champion in Cyrodiil, forever!"

"Shadow hide the hunter," says S'krivva.

"'Shadow hide the hunter?' Huh, funny one that! That's exactly something a Thieves Guild member might say!" he says, inwardly cursing the stupid Khajiit for speaking so plainly. "Well, I'll be on my way, then. And Shadow hide your hunter, too. Or whatever the phrase is!"

Kahreem sits down to peel an orange, expecting at any moment the place will be invaded by a horde of guards saying "IT'S ALL OVER LAWBREAKER!".

But this does not happen.




This post has been edited by Renee: Dec 8 2022, 06:42 PM

Name: Kahreem of Weet

Days Passed: 82

Thieves Guild Rank: Prowler
Fame: 0
Imfamy: 9

Karheem the Redguard Thief makes his way back onto the Imperial City's Waterfront District. The sky is dark and rainy, and he's ready to return to his home: the Marie Elena. Before he can do so, he is suddenly chased by a single Imperial Battlemage, as he moves past the lighthouse in the middle of the Waterfront's common area. Luckily for him, he's on a bay horse at the time. Kahreem panics and does not slow for this single man, however. Instead he picks up his pace, riding his stolen bay horse to the right on the Waterfront's cobblestone causeway, and then hiding it around a corner. As he dismounts his horse, and crouches down in sneak-position, Kahreem is ready to drop some of the stolen stuff he is wearing and carrying: a set of steel gauntlets, an expensive ring*, and a cheap green shirt.

"Hmm. But wait a minute. Why didn't that other guard also come after me?"

Kahreem realizes he passed by a second guard during his panic; this one a regular Waterfront guard, and the second guard merely watched Kahreem pass, without seeming alerted by the man on the stolen horse, the same man wanted in Cheydinhal for the theft of the Bust of Llathasa, and in Leyawiin for the theft of Countess Caro's ring.

"Yeah, that's it," Kahreem says to himself. There's some sort of commotion or ruckus or something. That's what S'krivva told me down in Bravil. The guards are all over the place, looking for that fokkinge Gray fox."

Once he realizes this, the Thief walks casually back to his ship, stands in front of its door



...and makes his way inside. Where it's safe and warm, and lots of food has been recently-stocked.

"Who the fokke keeps stocking this food? ANYBODY HERE?"

...but of course, nobody answers. After a quick inspection of his ship's upper cabin area, Kahreem makes his way down below, where he sleeps on a cot in the Marie Elena's lower galley.

*



Fredas, 8:28 am, Sun's Dusk 16
The Redguard awakes early (for him), finds a sack where he stores many of his things, removes the clothes he slept in, and stores them in the sack. He then finds a middle class-styled outfit, and makes his way to the upper deck. He is hoping that (once again) his change in clothes will deter anybody who happens to be looking for him.

As he makes his way on to the Marie Elena's deck though, there's yet another Battlemage standing by! Kahreem says nothing, instead he starts to pick and eat some of the grapes he found in the Captain's Deck the previous night. "The Gray Fox is hiding nearby!" says the Battlemage imposingly, "What do YOU know about him?"

"Me? Hey, I'm just a winery bottler, come from Skingrad. I'm here to test the Imperial City's latest breed of grapes. Mmm. Tastes mighty fine! Almost as good as the Cheap W-- um... I mean to say almost as good as a bottle of Surilie's. That's what I mean to say."

After a moment had passed, the Battlemage grows disinterested of the bumbling Redguard with the grapes in his hand. "Move along citizen" he says, hoping to insert a bit of threat into his voice.



"Phew!" says the Redguard as the Battlemage rushes off the ship. "Well, off I go to see Lady Methredhel, I guess." and with this, he stalks off towards the Waterfront's poorest shacks.

9:09 AM
Hieronymus Lex, the same guard in the shiny armor Kahreem encountered some weeks before, happens to be leading the investigation into the Gray Fox's capture. "I have nothing to say to you" he says to Kahreem as he walks by, not realizing who the Redguard actually is.

"Well that makes two of us," the Redguard mutters without making eye-contact.

First, Kahreem winds up walking into Myvryna Arano's unlocked shack, where an orc stands inside. The Redguard initially thinks the orc will shoo him away, but this does not happen. Instead, the orc says...

"The Imperial Watch has imposed a curfew. We have to remain in our homes until they catch the Gray Fox."

"The Gray Fox? I've heard the man can speak a hundred tongues, and that he walks in a thousand shadows. He will remain a mystery, 'tis of my thinking," Kahreem says, hoping to sound well-read, well-rounded, and classy. "But this is not any of my concern. Pleased to meet you. My name is Lex. I'm a wine bottler from Skingrad, come to bottle some wine."

At this, the orc continues to stare at Kahreem.

"My point, ahh, yes. Time is of the essence, as they say. Might I ask the whereabouts of Lady Methredhel? .. I have heard she's got a talent for .... uh.... growing grapes, does she not? The Surilie brothers of Skingrad would like very much to offer her a job, if she does not mind a re-locating from these very premises."

"The Imperial Watch has imposed a curfew...." repeats the orc, apparently too afraid of the guard's presence outside to relay anything else. "WE have to remain in our--"

"Yeah, I get it. I get it, you don't know where she fokkinge is," he says, dropping his 'well-rounded' accent in a flash. This orc before him is useless in his quest. "I'll be on my way, then."

Kahreem walks back outside, slamming the door. "Fokke. Perhaps I can find a beggar who will tell me where she is. But I don't want to be out here all day sussing her out; I wanna gamble! The Imperial City's gambling at the Arena awaits."

11:15 AM

"I have an arrest warrant for the Gray Fox. Do you know where he is?"

"Well, she's not in that house, sir. There's some frightened orc in there, but no Gray Fox. I'll keep looking though! Hope you catch the bastard soon, and string him up like a puppet."

The guard says nothing, not realizing who he speaks to, apparently. Again, Kahreem is flabbergasted by the way the guards are conducting their investigation. Once again, they seem to be running in circles, asking anybody who's nearby for help, seemingly helpless to further their efforts in any other way.

"No sign of the Gray Fox!" a guard reports to Hieronymus Lex.
"Carry on, soldier!" Lex answers the guard, eradicating any hope that this guard might soon get a break.

Kahreem eventually remembers that Methredhel has her own shack here on the Waterfront, finds it locked with a 2-tumbler, and makes his way inside, where he finds two ladies nervously fretting about the shack's straw-littered floor.

"I hope the Imperials are done with their investigation soon," says one lady to the other. This lady has short-cropped hair. The second lady has a fuller head of blonde hair, and it is she who walks towards Kahreem first. Kahreem assumes this is Methredhel.

"Uh.. I uh... the door was unlocked. I swear!"

"The Imperial Watch has imposed a curfew!" this lady, an elf, replies. "We have to remain indoors until they catch the Gray Fox."

After a few moments of fumbling conversation, Karheem realizes the lady whom he speaks to must not be Methredhel, and walks back outside.

"Fokke!!!" he says to the sunny day before him. "Cannot find the wench, can I?"



4:15 PM

"Ahh finally," he says later on, as he strolls through the city's Temple District. "A beggar! How fares thee beggar?"

"I'm only askin' fer enough to feed me kids," the female beggar says. After a bit of awkward conversation, Kahreem learns she's known as Ragbag Buntara.



"Ragbag, eh? Funny name, that, what were your parents thinking, anyways? My name's Lex, I'm named after Lexius Infinitus, the famous maker of upscale carts and chariots, although my profession is nothing such. I bottle grapes for the Surilie brothers, and am currently on a quest to suss out the best talent for grape-growing in all Cyrodiil."

"Say what you are going to say," threatens the beggar impatiently.

"Ah yes. I apologize; all those grapes tend to make a man a bit long-winded at times!" Kahreem boasts.

"I won't fight you."

"Good. Now that we've got that settled, have a coin Rugbug. I mean Ragbag." *clink!*

"Thank you, kind sir!"

"Yeah yeah, whate'er. It's just a damn fokkinge coin, beggar. Plenty more where that came from. "

"Haa ha, I get it!" the beggar brightens up, apparently not taking the Lex the Redguard's pettiness seriously.

"Methredhel. Where is she? The Surilie brothers, whom I am sure you know of quite fondly, being no doubt a grape-drinking beggar, are offering her a job, you see. I am to locate the woman, and bring her back to Skingrad, where she's got a prosperous and long career in grape-tending ahead of her, assuming she wants it."

"What's it worth to you?" says Miss Buntara, going from bright to serious in a flash.

"Yeah, yeah, okay, always about the fokkinge Septims, is it not? Have some coins, beggar," he says, handing 15 of them over.

"She's hiding in Dynari Amnis's house in the Talos Plaza district," the beggar says, now speaking in a more cultured tone of voice. "She's one of the few that escaped when Lex invaded the Waterfront."

"See, now was that so hard? Hey, I just want you to know that the 15 ... excuse me ... 16 Septims, the sum of which I just handed to you, is about a week's worth of pay out there in the vineyards. I'll be watching you. You'd better spend it on your so-called 'kids', ya hear?"

"Blessings of Akatosh upon ye."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say", Kahreem says, walking briskly away. "Now where are you, Miss Methredhel? Times a'wasting" he says, debating whether or not to call off his search for the Thieves Guild elf for some good old-fashioned gambling at the Arena.

This post has been edited by Renee: Dec 8 2022, 09:50 PM

Loved the Kahreem updates, Renee! His conversations are a hoot!

Also, very nice pixies

This post has been edited by mirocu: Dec 14 2013, 11:37 PM

Aww. thanks man. I am still writing the one up above. It's one of my 'live' roleplays. Kahreem is trying to find Methredhel at the moment.

Fredas 5:42 pm, Sun's Dusk 16, 3rd Era 433

Days Passed: 82
Days Jailed: 17
Bounty: 90

Fame: 0
Infamy: 9

"Dynari Amnis's House", he reads as he finds the door where his sneaky contact is hidden. "Very clever, hiding out in a rich person's home", says the Kahreem of Weet. "I admire that!"

Kahreem enters the home, closing behind him a sunny, pleasant afternoon. Inside, he finds a typical Talos Plaza domicile of marbles and tiles, but is surprised to find some of the furnishings aren't quite so elegant as he expected. He spies Methredhel the wood elf Pickpocket sitting about halfway across the room, while a second Bosmer stands immediately before him.

"I have heard that two of the jobs were successful", says the standing Bosmer "The plan should work with the Shadow's blessing", she says to Methredhel.

"Ahem. Hello. My name's Kahreem, says the Redguard, using his real name for once. "I've come for the pot roast. Naw, just kidding. I'm here because the Grey Fox has sent me here."

"I'm busy now, you need to talk to Methredhel!"

"Oh. Parrrdon me, then. You're too busy to talk. Say no more."

Kahreem walks across the room, where he hopes for a more hospitable greeting from the lady of the hour.

"Welcome to my hideout."



"Methredhel," Kahreem says with a grin. "I've been looking all over for you. Smart choice hiding out in here. Everyone thinks thieves only stay on the Waterfront."

"It's good to see you!" Methredhel gushes.

"MM hmm. That's because I'm Kahreem the Weet Bandit. I'm handsome, I'm sly. Look at me, but you might not find me."

"Good one!"

"Now, about the ... grey-colored animal. What have you to say?"

"I didn't think much about him when I first joined the Thieves Guild," the elf admits. "Lately I've been hearing odd things though. The Gray Cowl he wears was stolen from Nocturnal herself! Can you imagine having the nerve to steal from a Daedric Lord?"

"Whoa. You have seen him? .. Well listen, the Waterfront's a mess, skooma sales are down, and I can't even exit my own fokkinge home without a damn Imperial guard running around on my deck!"

"These are foul times for us. Armand is under house arrest, again. Our business in the Waterfront is totally shut down."

"So you noticed. And?"

"We need to get Hieronymus Lex to lift his siege. I have put together a plan," she says, her pouty lips smiling grandly. Youuuu and four other operatives will stage high profile thefts, all at the same time. Hopefully that will force Lex to reassign the Watchman."

"Hey, that's not bad! That's actually rather smart!"

"Your target is the Arcane University. We've had our eye on Hrormir's Staff for some time, but have been waiting for the wizards to be distracted. This si the perfect time. Will you help us?"

"You're fokkinge right I will!.. Break into a wizard's school and get my hands on some magic stuff, YES for Oblivion's sake!"

"I knew the Gray Fox could count on you. The staff is in the Archmage's room. He sleeps between one and seven in the morning. Take this note. Leave it in his nightstand. Bring me the staff when you get it."

As Kahreem leaves the two Bosmer to continue their hiding, he spontaneously thinks of a bold plan.

"We need to get Lex out of the Waterfront", calls Dynari as the Redguard closes the door. "He's a stubborn fetcha!"


8:40 pm

"Hail" says an older lady in a soft voice as Kahreem walks towards Divine Elegance. Kahreem does not know her name, but he thinks she's the owner of this clothing store.

"Rats. Closed up for the night," the Redguard curses aloud. "Hey, where can a man get some clothes at this hour?" He looks to Palonira mockingly, but she's not giving in. Her day is over, and she is not returning to open her shop. "I forgot. It's night time."

A young man who's never held a real job in his life, Kahreem sometimes forgets that 'honest' people often keep to work schedules rather strictly. On the other hand, he gives himself a pat on the back for at least trying to do the right thing; spending actual gold in trade of goods instead of simply stealing them!

Realizing he's only got a handful of lockpicks in his man-satchel, he decides he'll pay Shady Sam a visit before breaking inside of Divine Elegance.

"My plan is gonna work, and it's gonna be GOOD!" he says aloud, again.

"This had better be good!" an Imperial guard says, expecting some sort of answer. But the Redguard keeps walking away.




Loredas, 12:45 AM
Several hours later, the Weet Bandit now crouches down before the door of Divine Elegance, a pouchfull of lockpicks now ready for action. He finds the shop's got a 4-tumbler lock, and steadies his nerves before trying the door. After just two attempts he breaks in. Unfortunttely, he does not find what he is looking for in the shop's lobby, but he does locate a pair of green sueded shoes, and ditches his tan loafers.

"If I'm going to blend in, I gotta look the part", he explains to the nearest wall.

He searches the cellar next, but the garment he seeks eludes him. Finally, he sneaks upstairs to the top floor (where Palonira sleeps). Here he trades his green shoes for some white ones! .. Although he still cannot find what he is looking for, he manages to trade his middle-class clothes for a set of black & gold matching top and bottom. With his white shoes, he thinks he looks too conspicuous, but keeps these clothes on, anyways. After changing clothes, Kahreem boldly discards his green, blue, and tan clothes, placing them carefully on Palonira's bed.

"O-ho-ho! The Weet Bandit has struck again."




4:55 AM
It is a few hours later when Kahreem finally strikes gold in Rindir's Staffs. After looking atop a few counters, he finally locates the items he desires.

"Ha! NOW I look the part! Welcome to the Arcane University indeed!" he says aloud after donning a green mage's robe and hood.



"Meet Ahrmmhayre the Great Sorcerer!" he says aloud.

At this, he cannot help but giggle, and lets his guard down a bit. After skulking upstairs and finding a surprising rack-full of Cheap Wine, 'Ahrmmhayre' is nearly caught by the shop's proprietor just after placing the last of eight bottles into his night sack.



"I THINK YOU SHOULD LEAVE!" says Rindir the Bosmer.

"Oh. Where am I? Damn spell must have not worked! I was supposed to summon a bealestibub from my Arcane coven. Added a couple of minotaur hairs, chanted the sacred moistuff, and BANG. I wind up here? .. Mercy me! .. Well, I'll be out of your way in no time, elf! ..

"I'm WAITING!"

"Hmm", Kahreem pretends to be lost in thought. "Perhaps the minotaur's hair needs to be doused in flaxseed oil BEFORE the moment of the Castle-hoff. I'll have to try that next."

"THIS IS YO'RE LAST WARNING. GET OUT, OR I'LL COLLLL DA GAHHDS AND HAVE YOU ARRESTED!"

"My apologies, really. It was a boffed spell, nothing more. Should have this all cleared up in a flash, now that I know the proper formula," he says with a smile. "I am Aahrmhayre the Great!" he says, throwing his arms up and casting forth the only power he happens to know: His Redguard's Adrenaline spell.

As Kahreem leaves the shop Rindir's Staffs, he smiles and grins like the City is his.

This post has been edited by Renee: Dec 8 2022, 10:00 PM

Oh, how I love the Kahreem adventures!

KAHREEM OF WEET

Days Passed: 83

The Weet Bandit giggles light-headedly as he makes his way back to the Marie Elena, his home. After attaining his goals in just a few hours, he's as happy as a thief in a goldsmith's coinpurse.


"What is it, citizen?" asks a guard, as Kahreem walks by with a slight sway.

"I am Aahrmhayre the Great! Captive Conjurer of the Mage's Guild, sir! Feel the presence of my magic!"

The guard looks dumbfounded for a moment, thinks a Redguard mage?, and then makes his way to his day's post, unknowing of the man who has just past.

Amazingly, Kahreem has pilfered SEVEN bottles of Cheap Wine, wears stolen mage's robes + hood, and the daffy-looking white shoes on his feet are also stolen. Yet this guard does not flinch. What a perfect disguise Kahreem marvels to himself. In no time, not only will I be granted access to the Arcane University itself, I will also be able to plunder its depths! ... Who knows what lies inside.

Kahreem leaves the Market District and enters the Elven Gardens as he swiftly makes his way home.

"This had better be good!" says another guard, challenging the Redguard to cast a spell, perhaps.

"And 'tis so, me-lord! I am Aahrmhayre the Great, prime sorcerer of the Arcane University! Watch me make this bottle of Cheap Wine disappear!"

As Kahreem gulps down his second bottle in as many hours, the guard feigns disgust, and moves on.


Sun's Dusk 17, 3E433 8:55 am

"I have an arrest warrant for the Gray Fox, DO YOU KNOW WHERE HE IS?" asks yet another guard (an Imperial Battlemage, actually) as Kahreem approaches his ship.

"Yes, I search for this scoundrel, too," the Redguard 'mage' agrees. "When I find him, and oh, trust me I will find him, I shall cast a Beeletta so massive, and cause ripples of sanctricity with my fingertips, even Nocturnal herself shall quake in her domain. I am AAHRMHAYRE THE GREAT!" he calls to the entire Waterfront. "Fear my powers!"

He says this, raising his arms to cast a spell, and suddenly wishes that he could just do so. But nothing happens. "Just need to work up my powers, that is all! .. But never fear! Once I spend a day or so deep in contemplation, the Gray Fox will be mine. And I will collect the bounty upon his head," he promises.

Ironically, there are several battlemages present when he calls out these statements, all who could fry him in an instant, especially if they knew of his wrongdoings. Kahreem decides it's best to sneak off while the battlemages search the Waterfront endlessly. He crouches down, and sneaks onto his own ship, lest one of the guards mistake him for a different Redguard than the one who usually squats on the Marie Elena, somehow evading justice altogether.


9:48 PM
Hours later he awakes, somewhat surprised when he looks down and sees what he's wearing. Then he remembers.

"Ahh yes. Off I go to enter the Mage's Guild! Actually, the very top of the Mage's Guild: The Arcane University! Hope I'm not too late." As he gulps down another bottle of wine to wake himself up, he starts looking forward to tonight's tasks. "She said something .. something about ... that I must be there by midnight?"

Kahreem cannot remember exactly. So before he can get too sauced with drink, he gets himself up fully, leaves the Marie Elena, and then finds the bay horse he stole months ago still waiting faithfully for him at the end of the dock. He waits until he is sure he will not be seen,



...mounts this steed, and then tries to make his way quickly to the Arcane University.

"THIEF! .. YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS!"

"Ahh fokke!" says the Redguard.

"Well now, LOOK WHAT WE HAVE HERE", the guard says smugly. "Caught in the act and no gollld to pay your fine. It's off to the lockup, then!"

"Hah! Not if the Great Aahrmhayre has anything to say on that. Watch me disappear! YAAH"

He calls out to the horse below him, and quickly vanishes from the Waterfront within seconds. Behind him, the guards (battlemages and ordinary sentries) cast fireballs and shoot silver arrows. Not once do they make their target.

"Magic. That is your name, horse. Magic!" he says to the bay who now swims the small channel between the Waterfront and the Arcane University beyond. "Carry me to my destiny, magic!"

Kahreem realizes what's just happened though. As he climbs the hill going towards the University, he realizes he's probably now got a more serious bounty upon his head, and this means he can't just walk inside and not face arrest.

"Rats!"

He also realizes he's wearing stolen clothes. Carrying stolen items, and has one stolen bottle of Cheap Wine still in his nightsack. Under these circumstance, he simply CANNOT just walk inside, not face arrest, and also not have all his stolen goods confiscated.

"FOKKE!"

He comes up with yet another spontaneous plan, disrobing before the door going into the University itself, and moving all his stolen items to a spot just beside the cobblestone causeway. Down to his loincloths, Kahreem now braves the moment which is about to come.


Sundas, 12:50 AM
...But as Kahreem passes through the door, expecting immediate questioning from at least one Imperial Battlemage, he is surprised to find that this does not happen. Matter of fact, there is nobody here to arrest, or even accost him!

"Amazing. My powers of telepathy have caused them all to vanish!"

Seeing his opportunity, but not wanting to waste time re-gathering his stolen belongings, the Weet Bandit decides he'll give it a go as-is: he will walk into the Arcane University in his loincloths and bare feet.



"Hi there!" says a female elf as Kahreem enters the University's lobby. The female is wearing blue robes just like the ones Kahreem stole.

"I saw a mudcrab a couple of days ago," answers an Imperial male mage awkwardly. "Ugly little creatures."

"I avoid them whenever I can," answers the female.

Kahreem sneaks right by this pair somehow, and stands upon a glowing set of lights on the floor. As he does so, he curses himself, not realizing they might be able to see him. But they do not. As he reaches down upon the floor, he feels a rush of energy zing through his body wooooonnnn, and finds himself in another room. Before him stands an elderly mage wearing white robes. The man stands still for so long, apparently deep in thought, that Kahreem begins to wonder if he is real.

After awhile, he can't help but flinch, and the mage in the white robes sees him.



"GET OUT OF HERE!" he calls out.

"'Scuse me sir, I seem to have gotten lost," says the Redguard in his loincloths. "Can ye spare a coin?"

"I'M WARNING YOU! GET OUT OR I'LL CALL THE GUARDS!"

"No worry, sir, I shall be on my way!"

Thinking that he has (somehow) become invincible in these last few hours, he feels no shame as he leaves the Arch Mage's dining room, re-enters the lobby, and manages to sneak by the female elf who still loiters this circular room. He leaves the Arch Mage's tower, makes his way back to the items he had just tossed aside, and re-dresses himself to look the part.

"Aahrmhayre the Great shall profit or perish!" he calls aloud as he re-enters the Arcane University.


Sundas 2:40 AM
The 'mage' now enters the Arch Mage's Lobby for the third time, not bothering to sneak past the female elf, who now sits upon a pew, reading at this late hour. The male who was previously present is not here. Since Kahreem now wears the robes and hood of a Mage's Guild Apprentice, he feels full confidence as he walks by the elf.

"Hello, I see you!" the elf says in greeting.

"Ah. Milady. Might I bother you to know where to find the scamp's room?" Kahreem asks. "You know, the place where they surronuate the scamps with potent Z-magic? I promise not to regurzitate the Miskell, of course."

At this, the elf hasn't a clue what to say, and the Redguard can see this. Kahreem kicks himself mentally; of course she's a magician, and has no idea what he's talking about! She might see right though his little act if he keeps this up.

"Oh, my apologies. My mind's a bit frazzled. Cast a spell and read a scroll, and look at where the fokke I wound up. Well, many pardons, elf. I'll just make my way back to my domicile."

"Hail," she says calmly.

As Bothiel the elf turns away, Kahreem slyly slips into the Arch Mage's quarters once again. Where he is greeted by..

"I'm warning you! Get out or I'll call the guards!"

"Ah, but I am an Associate, just as you once were!" Kahreem explains to the white-robed mage. "The Arch Mage himself has requested that I retrieve a special token from his very room, all to help the guards who toil upon the Waterfront in search of the Gray Fox find the menace!"

And before the white-robed mage can retort in any way, Kahreem moves quickly towards a second circular area of lighted floor. He does not know what this area is called, but he knows how to use it by now. And before Irlav Jarol can make good on his promise, the Weet Bandit finds himself in the Arch Mage's Bedroom in flash!

"Ha! I cannot believe it! It worked!" he whispers as he finds himself at the sleeping body of one of the most powerful men in Cyrodiil.

"Now, to get that staff!"

This post has been edited by Renee: Dec 8 2022, 10:07 PM

All the things he has to go through and not once does he give up!

Thanks for another update, Renee! Been waiting for this one!

Kahreem’s antics as “Aahrmhayre the Great” are my favorite so far. This guy is hilarious. And he never quits!

Just started reading Kahreem's adventures. He's hilarious! Love his dialogue

All these oblivion posts are making me want to give the game another playthrough. Maybe I will....

The dialogues are the best!

Awesome, thanks folks! Feel free to add any Oblivion stories (with spoilers) if you ever wish. Vital if you really want to get hardcore with Kahreem, unfortunately you'll have to go to Beth's forums in this thread. That's where his earliest stories started. I didn't start posting him here at Chorrol until later, and never got around to transferring all his earlier stories. I think I should probably do so eventually because Beth has a policy of 'purging' old threads, which means they get erased. There's a fellow over there named Bobg who had his entire fanfic story purged. Gone! Scary though, eh?

Yeah, Kahreem's a cracker. I gotta do his horoscope one of these days, but I've been saying that for years now.

This post has been edited by Renee Gade IV: Jan 14 2014, 12:28 AM

Well then, it's off to bethsoft for me...

I've only spent a little bit of time reading threads over there, but from what I've seen and heard, it's not the friendliest place...

Soon I'll start a new character in Oblivion, just have to come up with one first...

Well, the Oblivion forums are fine (right guys & gals?) There's a bunch of us who are regulars there, and we tend to keep any riffraff from creeping in for the most part. Once you leave the OB forums though, yeah, it can get rough. Some folks are mean and/or narrow-minded. I'd stay away from the Elder Scrolls forums, especially. Lots of opinionated nonsense goes on there.

Skyrim's forums are a mixed bag. There's some kind-hearted roleplayers here and there, but there also can be some of the usual flaming and whatnot. Overall those forums have calmed down a bit, but they move way too fast for my liking (a thread you posted in an hour ago might not be on the front page in the next hour, for instance) so I only post there when I get desperate for some TES discussion.

But if you stick to the Oblivion forums, you'll be fine.

This post has been edited by Renee Gade IV: Jan 14 2014, 03:16 AM

Correct!

Today I returned to Oblivion and started a new character. Yay!

He's a khajit ranger named Do'Shakir who uses absolutely no magic, including the default healing spell. (thanks to mirocu for the inspiration) Which is harder than I thought.

I'm trying a different style than my skyrim updates for this character, they're more storylike, I guess. The writing isn't that great but it's good practice and I enjoy it anyway. I'll probably just post the updates in this thread so I don't have to worry about spoilers...

So without further ado, say hello to Do'Shakir!

_____________________________________________



27th of Last Seed, 3e 433



*sorry for the big pic...

Do’Shakir’s head was still reeling from the events within the sewers when he stepped out into the warm midday sun. He had just witnessed the emperor’s death and now he was entrusted with the safe delivery of one of the most valuable artifacts on Tamriel, the Amulet of Kings.


It took Do’Shakir a few minutes to get his bearings. The vast oak and pine forests and green meadows of Cyrodil’s wilderness were still an unfamiliar sight to him. He was at the edge of a lake. Rumare, was it? He walked down to the water’s edge, where he stopped to take stock.


A pair of rough leather boots, his prison garments, a rusty bow and some arrows, an iron longsword in decent condition, a leather bound shield, the torn up map, a few potions of healing and fatigue, a mortar and pestle, some gemstones and a handful of septims. He was glad he’d picked up that satchel from the deceased adventurer, the potions may come in handy and the gemstones would make him some decent gold.


Using the map and his surroundings Do’Shakir determined his position. He needed to get to the red ring road, which would mean crossing the lake. Unfortunately, swimming was the only option. The khajiit placed his satchel and weapons within a sack he found on the ground, in an attempt to keep them dry, before heading into the lake.


The water was calm and the slaughterfish were absent. Had Do’Shakir not had to bring his belongings with him the swim would have been easy, but he knew the items he had gathered within the tunnels would be important once he was on the road. Emerging on the other side of the lake Do’Shakir was greeted by two aggressive mudcrabs. He made easy work of them and proceeded to scrape the meat from within their shells. At least now he had something to eat.


Ahead of him was a collection of crumbling white stone pillars that could only be one of the Aylied ruins he had heard so much about. He could see smoke rising from the ruins and cautiously headed towards its source. The khajiit spotted two figures sat around a campfire, from their talk and attire he labelled them as bandits. His bow held firmly in one hand, his other floating eagerly above his quiver, he snuck between the pillars of white stone, towards the camp. Bandits within range, he nocked an arrow and loosed, dispatching of the first. Two more arrows and the other bandit was dealt with as well.


He scoured the ruin for supplies, grabbed some roasted mutton to eat, saving the crab meat for alchemical purposes, and made his way back to the camp to get some well deserved rest.

This post has been edited by Vital: Jan 17 2014, 03:37 PM

On the BethSoft site, I do quite enjoy the Oblivion forums. I confess that I generally avoid posting on threads there that drift away from Oblivion. I’m not really interested when things stray too much into other TES games, lore or simply whining/arguing. And that does happen with some regularity. Most of the old timers there are quite gracious though, and argumentative posters generally fade away (only to be replaced by new ones, lol).

Vital, a warm welcome to Do’Shakir. A no-casting ranger who learns the power of alchemy should do quite well. Happy hunting!

A big welcome and a hardy handshake to Do'Shakir! I must say I´m very proud of being a direct inspiration for him! Especially so since I myself have only had one

I hope you will enjoy accompanying him, Vital. I take it he will embark upon the MQ?

Thanks, Acadian. Hopefully alchemy can keep him alive!

Rocu, not sure about the MQ, we'll see. I just like to deliver the amulet first thing once I come out of the sewers. It's sort a challenge because my characters are only ever allowed to pick up boots and gauntlets from dead bodies. No helmets, cuirasses and greaves (with exceptions). So traveling through the countryside with no armour is quite challenging. Oh and you get free armor for it, which is always a bonus