Skor's Revenge!, My first fanfic. Options

[Feralikazam]

Hey guys I'm new to the forum, but heres a fanfic I've been working on for the past couple days. Although it's not completely perfect, I've spent quite a bit of time on it. Heres the first part. Huge thanks to Acadian for the tips and coaching, without you my story would be much different then this version!

It was late Frostfall when Skor Greyscar was enjoying a tasty meal of well cooked mammoth meat on his family's farm built on the edge of Skyrim's tundra. Winters in Skyrim were brutal. But Nords were accustomed to the unbearable cold. Even though they could withstand the cold, they weren't able to last very long out in the frigid climate made worse by freezing winds.

"How's the meat taste today Skor?" His brother asked him, relaxing in front of the warmth of the massive fire in front of their hut.

"It would be better if you had cooked it." Skor told him, knowing he himself was still a novice at cooking.
Wincing slightly his brother grabbed at his ribs.

"Whats wrong?" Skor asked. Noticing his brother's odd behavior.

"My apologies. Taking down a full grown mammoth is alot harder than it looks. Especially when you have to distract the giants that herd them. One of them got in a decent little kick. But don't worry, we have enough meat here to last us until First Seed!" His brother laughed. But soon regretted the humor, doubling over in pain. Realizing he wasn't in as good of shape as he let on he headed back inside.

"I'll see you inside Skor, all warriors need their rest." He said, as he limped back to the comfort of their home. Skor finished his meal and began to walk back inside. But was stopped short by a pain causing stars to explode in his head. He had been struck in the back of the head by an unknown force! It was only a moment before the agony burning through his skull made him black out.

Skor awoke a few minutes later in a daze wondering what had happened. Through blurred vision he quickly realized his home was on fire! Ignoring the blow to his head he rushed inside and desperately began searching for survivors. But to no avail. He discovered his mother's body not far from the front door, her face an unrecognizeable pulp and the limbs cut from her body. Disregarding his own safety; Skor ran to his father's room, only to find him dead. His eyes ripped from their sockets and intestines strewn across the room with a message written on the wall in his blood. "Blackblood Wuz heer".

Judging from the amount of gore on his father's double sided axe and a couple of dead bandits, he knew he must have fought back. He didn't stand a chance. Taking the weapon, Skor attempted to escape what was left of the burning building. The hut he knew as home was coming down fast! He got to the stairs but was stopped short by falling timber smashing the stairs into splinters. Forced to retreat back to his fathers room he had to find an alternate way out. The window! It was two stories up but the only chance he had! Taking it, he slammed the axe through the glass, and leapt to freedom. To Be Continued... Next chapter "Skor's Escape!"

Whaddya guys think? It's my first so go easy on me.

This post has been edited by Feralikazam: Oct 29 2011, 09:14 PM

[Acadian]

I think you are off to a great start! This was a solid introduction that makes us want to learn more about Skor. You showed us your character and began to give us a feel for who he is by his actions and words rather than simply telling us his history. You provided just the right amount of info on him for this point. We have a name, sex, race and a little family info. That is plenty for now.

I look forward to finding out what happened to Skor’s brother and how the Nord will react to this tragedy – although the title of the thread is ominously suggestive.

I see you are still working through the arcane art of punctuating dialogue. I know it is confusing, but keep reviewing those links on the subject. It will come if you keep at it.