A Brighter Future?, The story of Tara Willow. Options

[Tábrasa]

Hello! I'll start by introducing myself.

My name is Tábrasa and I'm new to the forums. I've been silently looking at some of the stories on the forums and have felt truly inspired.
Therefore I have decided to start the story of my Breton Wiccan, Tara Willow, who I've been travelling with for the past year. Below is an introduction to Tara, which will soon be followed by the Prologue...

INTRODUCTION TO TARA WILLOW

Tara Willow is a 20 year old female Breton born on the 14th of Rain's Hand, 3E 413.

She is primarily a Conjurer but also dabbles in Destruction and Illusion. She is also handy with a blade in certain situations.

Her father died when she was a teenager and her mother resides somewhere in Cyrodiil, under a new name following events in High Rock that led her to abandon Tara as an infant.

Tara's father was a man obsessed with the art of Mysticism; but in the wrong kind of way. He wanted to experiment the thought of finding a way to turn the human body itself into a soul gem; an experment not only ridiculed, but dangerous.

One day, however, he managed to succeed in his experiment; using a teenage Tara as his unwilling test subject. He managed to trap a spirit withing Tara's body, leaving her in an unusual state.

Tara now has to permanantly live with an extra spirit inside her, who she named Willow, after her surname.
Willow is able to communicate with Tara and take control of her body for brief periods; but only when Tara desperatly need's her assistance. However, Willow's possesions are almost NEVER a good thing.

Currently Tara is on a mission to find her mother, mainly for her own piece of mind. All she knows is that she is in Cyrodiil, but nothing else. The only thing she has to offer any aid in her quest is the memory of her mothers face...

This post has been edited by Tábrasa: Dec 12 2011, 01:17 AM

[SubRosa]

A moving start, giving us a peek into Willow's past. Also not just one mystery, but two. Who is this Palmer? And who is the rogue mage Willow was sent to hunt? I wonder if we will be seeing either of them again later in the tale?

Some interesting developments concerning her father. He was the guild leader in Farrun? Oh my. Aleksander was quite resourceful indeed, to get rid of the bodies, then concoct the story about the assassin. Then again, perhaps Aleksander knows a necromancer who needs a few bodies?

Then finally an after death confrontation with her father, via his letter. The entire scene of Tara's entire return to the basement was very cathartic. But the letter is the final, and most important, piece of that. She has quite a warm heart, to forgive her father for what he did to her. Certainly doing so is healthier then holding on to hate and recrimination beyond the grave though.

So now it seems the only thread left dangling is the fate of Tara's mother. And of course Willow, and all the questions she raises.



nits:
so i stepped closer
You will want to capitalize that I.

Once the child met their eyes with mind
I am thinking you meant mine?

only to see that Willow{'}s reflection has vanished.
You should have an apostrophe in Willow's above, and that ought to be had.

She found out what kind of a man her father was and that scarred her for like.
For life, I am sure.

She wondered and pondered about what was really going through her father{'}s mind that day
You missed the apostrophe in father's above.

All of her father{'s} apparatus was still intact. His book’s,
And you missed both the apostrophe and trailing s in father's. I think it slipped into books at the end.

With her remaining strength he sprinted to the things still standing and threw them at the walls.
I am sure you meant she, unless there is something about Tara we do not know...

It had her name on it and it was written in her father{'}s writing
Another missed apostrophe above.

I would never let you in the basement had i been alive.
And another missed capitalization of I.

for reasons you couldn’t possible understand
possibly

This post has been edited by SubRosa: Jan 12 2012, 11:01 PM