The story of Ann Thraxx, a survivor of Kvatch Options

[Lady Saga]

Good day fellow Chorrolmates. I am Lady Saga, and today I'd like to talk about the saga of Ann Thraxx.

I originally posted all of the text of posts 1 and 2 over at Bethsoft's Oblivion: general area. Forgive the crudeness of some of the early text, for I was not originally writing Ann's tale as a true story yet. In Post #2, this starts to change. Post 1's text was originally in the Where are you Now #7 thread, and Post 2's text came from my own thread in OB: General.

This character is probably my deepest Oblivion roleplay to date. Originally I wanted her to be "Renee Gade III", which means she'd be some sort of heroic figure. But as Ann Thraxx evolved, it was apparent she's going to have a story much different from what I had originally conceived.

Although I'm on PS3, I performed a couple little tricks which I like to call pretend-mods. I used another character's game save, so that Ann never had to go thru the Tutorial part, then I fast-traveled her to just outside the Imperial City...Chestnut Handy Stables, to be exact. I had no idea why her game started here, though. That was not made known to me, yet. I also didn't know who Ann was, exactly. All of this becomes apparent during the massive text below.





Name: Ann Thraxx

Race: Imperial

Sex: female.

Class: peasant (custom).

Starsign: Atronach

D&D alignment: Chaotic Neutral


Ann Thraxx the wayward peasant has just arrived at Chestnut Handy Stables outside the Imperial City. She arrived here by carriage, and it is nighttime...dark and rainy. She's wearing nothing but one of those horrible Cyrodiilic bras and some sack cloth pants. No shoes, no shirt.

Ann has heard there's a place to stay in "some house on the Waterfront" * so she's walking there now.

* I think there's a free bed in one of the houses on the Waterfront. if there is, no problem. A "friend" told Ann there's a place she can stay. But if there is no free bed, Ann will have no place to stay.

Her family is no more, and she is sad. I'm thinking she was a farmer of some sort, perhaps, and lost her farm. Her husband got killed perhaps, and Ann is right now in serious depression, serious culture shock. She's been to the I.C. before, but never actually lived here. She's used to the wide open plains of the West Weald.

She is poor, but she is also fortunate to have 58 gold in her pocket, along with a soul gem and a few minor things which can be sold. How she got all this stuff? We shall find out, won't we?

Ann Thraxx arrived at the Abandoned Shack, which is anything but abandoned! It was about 6am Cyrodiilic time, and Hillod the Outlaw and a dark elf male (forget his name) immediately rose as Ann walked in the door. Oops...

"Please, I didn't mean to startle you" she said to the dark elf. "I am Ann Thraxx. I have been sent here and was told I could spend the night. I've lost my home and my family..."

What was interesting was the dark elf's greeting had something to do with losing his job or being out of work or something. This fit right in, so that Ann and the dark elf had a short conversation about finding work.

The situation in the Abandoned Shack was awkward as the 2 males stood around staring at Ann. This isn't what she expected! Ann "got to know" Hillod and dark elf, and gave them more than half of her 58 gold (she basically bribed him so she can stay in the Shack). But the guys wouldn't leave!

Ann took a short walk outside, deprived of sleep and getting dizzy. She found a couple beggar beds which were open, but there's no way she's gonna stoop that low.

Finally she made her way back to the Abandoned Shack. It's now 8 am and Hillod + the dark elf are both gone. Finally.

Ann sets off to sleep. When she wakes, she's going to see about looking for work in the Imperial City.

.

This post has been edited by Lady Saga: Apr 12 2012, 07:45 PM

[Acadian]

What a fun story! Although your character Gada go Pei takes the cake for names, Miss Thraxx is superbly named!

You clearly have a very different style as you comfortably weave between your thoughts and Ann’s. Fun, actually. I absolutely love what you have done with the in game dialogue: Ann is struggling to sort out these clueless Cyrodiiliacs as Renee has her tongue firmly in cheek.

’As Ann walks back to the Waterfront, she looks up. Cumulus clouds. These are mid-atmosphere, showing up when the weather is fair. There are no cirrus clouds this time, the upper atmosphere is clear. ...Ann is barefoot and walks briskly. Suddenly it's THERE. The terror. The fear! She starts running. Gotta get around people again! What if a gate opened up out here RIGHT NOW?’
This is powerful stuff, and incredibly creative as you leap and dance among subjects but somehow tie them together perfectly. I loved this.

’Ann makes a [censored]load of money now at the Copious Coinpurse.’
Poking fun at censorship is one approach, but I hope you will allow me to suggest an alternative. Being in the land of TES opens a whole world of creative possibilities! For example: ‘Ann sold her goods at the Copious Coinpurse, netting enough gold to fill an ogre’s loincloth.’ Same point, but bypassing censorship and extremely ‘setting-friendly’. Just a thought.

Hee! Appreciate the little nod to Buffy the Bowgirl.

You asked about colors and such. I actually think less is better. By carefully selecting and arranging the right words, the use of color, bolding, underlining and other distractions becomes largely unnecessary.

Your writing is very creative, and your characters clearly fueled by great passion and inspiration. Your ‘technicals’ are in pretty good shape – let us know if you want us to point out objective nits like typos and such.

One suggestion that I hope you will take constructively is to keep an eye on post length. Even if you have material banked up and ready to post, remember it is all new to your readers and they need time to read and savor it. 1000-2000 words is ideal for a forum update. Then allow readers a few days to digest and comment. Although sometimes a longer episode can be a challenge to break up, that is often the best choice. Long posts on a forum simply invite skimming, and what you have to say is far too important and fun for that!

[Lady Saga]

What a fun story! Although your character Gada go Pei takes the cake for names, Miss Thraxx is superbly named!

OH yeah...Igodah Go^Pe. She was my first pure mage character.

This is powerful stuff, and incredibly creative as you leap and dance among subjects but somehow tie them together perfectly. I loved this.

Thanks, man. Stay tuned for more, hopefully this weekend. Ann's story requires that I make sure to have lots of hours to spare, to get (and stay) in the right mood.

Hee! Appreciate the little nod to Buffy the Bowgirl.

I'm pretty sure you were one of the people in my Bethsoft thread who said you'd never done the sewers. It only made sense, then that "Buffy" had never explored those sewers. Or am I getting that wrong?

Your writing is very creative, and your characters clearly fueled by great passion and inspiration.

Wow. VEry much thankful and appreciated.

On the subject of post length....Are you saying I can double post all I want? I put all that text in Post 2 mostly because I didn't want to have like 7 posts in a row.

I actually started this story in OB: General, remember? What I've done today is merely cut, paste, and then edit all of that text. Post 1 was originally in the "Where are you Now #7" thread, and Post 2 was in a thread called Renee Gade III.

I wrote like mad on that particular Sunday. I spent more time writing than gaming, actually. I wanted it all in Post #2, as the entire post kinda sets the mood for the story. It's broken up into chapters, too (the original text at Bethsoft was not).

.And thanks.

.

This post has been edited by Lady Saga: Apr 6 2012, 02:16 AM